


Monster

by Kahvi, Roadstergal



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Bondage, Brain Damage, Drinking, F/M, Flirting, Gay Male Character, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Kissing, Loss, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Multi, Other, POV Alternating, Parades, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Shapeshifting, Suicidal Thoughts, Technology, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-06-22 21:31:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 173,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15591147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahvi/pseuds/Kahvi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roadstergal/pseuds/Roadstergal
Summary: There is nothing left for Loki. No memories, no sense of place or self, not even a name. But he is different. And though the man who claims to be his brother takes good care of him, he is also his captor. Who can he trust, when he cannot even trust himself?The story of Loki's return, his recovery, and its far-reaching consequences.(Set post-Infinity War.)





	1. Chapter 1

Run.

Loki’s body screamed at him to _run_ , run away from the confusion, the horrifying sense of loss, the utter lack of understanding, as if distance could settle his spinning mind.  Run from the little hut that was _familiar but not_ , run across the fresh green grass, his body changing to a jaguar, sleek and made to do nothing but run, its powerful legs pushing, swinging, pushing again…

Until, panting, he reached a village, a thriving little collection of huts circling an open-air market where various goods were being bought and sold, from fresh-grown produce to small personal electronics.  His animal form shied away, and so he changed back to his original form, reluctantly, sidling awkwardly into the market. So many other people, he noted, had eyes that matched how he felt. Staring numbly into the distance, haunted.

He fell to a crumpled seated position against a wall.  He couldn’t cry, his body didn’t do that. He looked off into the distance, the empty sky, his eyes unfocusing into the blue.

A woman walked by, stern, jaw set, a basket full of food in her hands.  She saw him, and her implacable visage collapsed. She sat next to him, her head in her hands, sobbing.  “My baby,” she cried into her hands. “My baby – I was holding her, she had just fallen asleep, and she disappeared.  In my hands. My baby!”

A man, young and handsome but careworn, lines around his mouth and eyes, swooped down to grasp the woman.  She clung to him, sobbing, and he raised her up to her feet, holding her close and taking the basket. He paused, looking at Loki, and his words seemed almost rote.  Said so often that it had replaced previous greetings. “Who have you lost?”

I’ve lost my mind, my memory.  But yes, some _one_.  Loki didn’t know who.  “My… lover.” The words tasted true enough, even if they had nothing behind them.

The man nodded and guided the sobbing woman away.

 

* * *

 

"He's running again." Shuri barely glanced up from her console. Dressed in red mourning, she made a startling contrast to the dull tones of the room.

"I know." Thor had been watching through the window, his eyes seeing farther than hers would. Not, of course, as far as her cameras and drones.

"I can give you a location." She sounded tired. Unsurprisingly.

"You have more important things to do. He'll be fine."

She paused, giving him her full attention. Thor could _feel_ it; she already had the presence of a queen. _Frigga_. "I know what it's like."

"Losing a brother?"

She smiled. It almost reached her eyes. "Please. We are friends." Walking around the console, she took his hand. Thor looked down at it, dumbly. No one had touched him since it happened. No one, except... "Go to him. You don't always have to wait until he gets into trouble."

 

* * *

  
  
The couple was long gone.  People had walked past, casting shadow after shadow across him.  Loki pulled himself to his feet. He couldn't sit here forever. (What _could_ he do forever? What _was_ he?) Too many people, too much emotion thick in the air.  It was distracting, yes, but exhausting. He wanted… he wanted to be out in the grass.

"White devil," a man snarled at him as he walked by, and he might, Loki noted, be right.

For all Loki knew.

* * *

 

Thor could not help but stand out in this crowd, though unusually, it was not due to height. He had not changed his clothes; it had barely been two days, and part of him wondered if it might help; if seeing him like his might make him _remember_. He stood for a moment, just watching. It was enough, sometimes, just seeing him. Knowing he was alive.

Loki felt it, a pair of eyes locked on his back, a tickle between his shoulder blades.  That man. That man who always followed him, talked to him, encouraged him to _remember_ , and he couldn't; trying to remember was dipping into a murky well and it _hurt_. Loki hurried away, towards the tempting meadow outside of the village.

Sighing, Thor ambled after him. There was nowhere for him to run, and he did not want to disturb the villagers. He felt their eyes on him; quick, darting glances, then away. They knew him. He was not the person they all were looking for.

He was following. Why did he always follow? Why did he always know where Loki was? (Had he told the truth? Was _Loki_ the right name?) It was too hot, always too hot here. Loki stumbled into the welcome shade of a large, lonely tree. "Why do you keep following me?" he hollered.

"I just want to make sure you're all right." He frowned. The heat. Loki never liked heat, which made more sense now that he knew - at any rate, Thor felt foolish for not having considered it. "We can cool down your hut, if you like. Does the heat trouble you?"

"I'm not all right." Loki pulled his knees to his chest. "I can't remember. I did something horrible. I did... I did whatever they're crying about, didn't I."  No specifics, just a horrible, world-shattering sense of _wrong_ and _death_ and _fire_ and a knife in flesh... and the way they looked at him...

"No!" He hurried forward, hunkering down as close as he dared. Tried to catch his eyes. "No, Loki. Thanos did that. You nearly died trying to defeat him."

"Then what did I DO?" Thanos, Loki, meaningless names.

"You tried to save me. You went at the most powerful being in the universe with just your hands and a dagger."

"That was stupid," Loki noted. Was he stupid? Was that why he couldn’t remember?

"It was brave. You knew there was no chance of survival. You died a hero." His eye stung. He'd taken the prosthetic out, hoping the patch would be more familiar. Maybe it wouldn't be. Maybe he should get an eye that was the right color. Maybe...

"I don't remember. I don't remember any of this. I just remember doing something horrible. Hurting." Loki hugged his legs tightly.

"I know. I'm sorry I'm making it worse." Thor sat down properly, just inside the sphere of shade. "May I sit here a while? I ask only to share your silence."

"Why?" Loki pulled off his shirt, sweating. The clothing felt wrong. It should be.... smoother.  Everything felt wrong.

"I care for you. I thought you were dead, and seeing you eases my mind."

"Why is my mind like this?" Loki whimpered.

"You were hurt. Your brain was without oxygen for a long time. It fractured your mind. We are fixing it." Shuri was. All Thor could do was watch and wring his hands.

"Are you?" Loki curled up at the base of the tree ( _silent and old, comforting_ ). It seemed like they were just letting him run away only so far, them bringing him back.  Over and over.

"Yes." They had done all the could, physically speaking. But reconstructing Loki's memory would take time, and might not work at all.

"It's not working." He needed to be something else.  He thought of an animal he had seen leaping around, nervous and skinny and long-legged, with slender horns. He tried out that form.  It was different, at least, and that would do for now.

Why was he always beautiful? Thor watched, letting him get his bearings. "Go, brother. You are not a prisoner here."

This animal's mind was simple. Eat. Rest. Mate. He nuzzled at the big blond man's ear.

Thor's breath caught. He let Loki touch him, sitting very still.

Loki’s long legs folded into a seated position.  No lions. The big man smelled like _love_ and _safe_.  Loki settled next to him.  The climate was right, for this skin, at least.

"Loki..." His eyes were in this animal's eyes, somewhere within. Thor knew better than to look directly at them. "It's all right,” he whispered. “You are safe."

Loki rested his chin on his forelegs. But it wasn’t right.  More comfortable in the heat, yes, but this wasn’t _him_.  He changed back to himself, still lying with his head in his hands.  “Why don’t you ever change like this? Why don’t the normal people?” The ones who didn’t look like him and… Thor.  Pale outsiders.

"Only you can do that. It is a special talent." Thor smiled down at him.

“Nothing feels right,” Loki grumbled.  “Not even this.” This body. Wherever it was from, whoever it was.

"I want to help." Thor wanted to embrace him. That would not help.

"Thanos,” Loki mused.  The name did taste familiar.  Sour and sharp. “After I failed, you killed him?”

"No." No lies. Not between them. "He won. Untold numbers of lives were lost."

Loki looked up.  “So why are we still alive?  Won’t he come back?”

"That was all he wanted. Half of all sentient life, gone. He believed it was... Better."

Loki put his head back down on his arms.  This tale of a man who killed half of _all of the people_ , who Loki died failing to kill, and who then just left - it made no sense.  But then again, nothing did. “Are we lovers?”

It was like ripping open an ancient wound, twice scabbed over. But no lies. Not here. "No. I wanted us to be."

"I didn’t?  Why not?” Everyone seemed to act like they were lovers.  Didn’t they? A vague sense. A fleeting feeling of _closeness_ and _desire_ , like a breath of lavender on the breeze.

"You did not care for me in that manner." He kept his eyes steady. "I think you resented me."

Loki nodded thoughtfully.   _He wasn’t attracted to this frustrating blond man_ .  That didn’t seem right.   _He wasn’t a good person_.  That did.  “Then why did you bring me here.”

"Because I love you. I want you to heal."

"And what if I never do?”  Loki looked up at Thor, sweaty, shirtless, a lost little pale figure in the wrong place.  It seemed reasonable.

"Then I will take care of you. Find you a place to live, if you do not want to stay here." He was beautiful. Alive. Even alluring. Thor did not deserve him, with these thoughts.

"I don’t remember resenting you.”

"You will."

Loki nodded.  “But in the meantime, take me back to the hut.”  The desire for another form was specific, now. The long legless ones, scaled and cool – yes, that was a good form.

Thor nearly laughed. "You remembered." Such a beautiful, graceful form. He picked it up, very gently.

Had he?  Had this been his form before?  Was this his true form? It did feel right – quiet and avaricious, dangerous, sly.  He wrapped himself around Thor’s neck, tongue flicking out to taste the chemicals on his skin. _Fear.  Worry.  Love.  Concern. Desire_.

The heat was less oppressive, here in the tall grass. Thor did not rush, needing something uncomplicated to do for a while. Loki's weight around his neck was soothingly familiar; he had played tricks on Thor in this form so many times, more times than he could count.

Loki rubbed himself on Thor, feeling the soft, scarred skin.  Perhaps he would remember to be resentful in the future, but for now, he had none of that.  Only loneliness and pain, with no distractions. Distractions. That was all that these endless forms were, after all. But that did not seem to last.

"I have fond memories of you in this form," Thor told him, not sure if he could hear.

It wasn’t words, Loki had no ears.  But the rumblings of Thor’s voice in his chest – Loki felt that.  Fondness. Affection. And the taste - _Love.  Desire.  Frustration_.

"You were good to me, brother. I think I understand, now. I ignored you, didn't I, when we grew older? I didn't see it." He always brought Loki with him, always included him, but there was a distance. He'd never realized it had been forged by him.

_Regret.  Contrition_.  Loki twined more tightly to Thor.

"I was jealous, you know. Of your magic. Your way with words."

_Jealousy_. Loki paused, sniffing with his tongue. This blond god had no cause for that.

"I gained respect by my size and my name. You earned it with your tongue and your mind." Loki had talent, and worked hard to hone it. Thor had a body and a birthright, none of which he had earned.

This form was too limited. Loki switched to his pale form, still wrapped around Thor. "And you seek to atone, then?" he asked into the man's chest.

It never failed to jar him; the weight was nothing, but the change and distribution was nearly enough to make him stumble. Instead, Thor grunted, shifting his arms to support Loki's human form. "No. Only to provide."

"Provide me with information. Tell me what I feel, what I think." He put his hand curiously on Thor's soft, messy hair.

"I don't know what you think." That was the problem. "I never knew how you felt."

And yet he had just said… "You tell me that I resent you. That I don't want you."

"You... acted against me." The details could come later. "I assumed."

"Tell me what I did," Loki demanded.

"You betrayed me. Many times. You... can we sit down?" It was an awkward angle at which to have a conversation.

"Whatever you want," Loki sighed.

Thor tried to disentangle himself, sitting down heavily.  Loki settled to the ground next to him. A little better. What he was about to say was heavy enough."You should know... we are brothers."

Loki cocked his head, thoughtfully. "And you wanted us to be lovers."

"Yes." Thor picked at the grass. "We are not brothers by blood, if that matters to you. It did not, to me."

"It did not matter to you - and you wanted us to be lovers." Was Loki wrong to be a little tripped up by this detail?  
  
"Does it disgust you?" It would, by rights.

"It confuses me." Like everything did.

"I loved you. Always." Even now. Thor met his eyes. He had done worse. "And as I came of age, I found I wanted you. I knew it was wrong. I said nothing."

"And what I thought is a mystery." To both of us, now.

"What do you think now?"

"Terrified,” Loki said, firmly.  He didn’t have it in him to lie to _this_ man.  “In need of distraction." Running worked - for a time.

"What frightens you?" Was it him? Was this all too much?

"Not knowing who I am!" Loki jumped to his feet, restlessly, as if he could find the truth by action. "What I did! What happened to me!"

"There are films. Holos that were taken. I can show you..."

"Yes. Show me," Loki demanded.

"Thanos... had you in his thrall. You did terrible things," Thor warned. "But I know it was not your fault."

"I did it. I need to see."

"Our father, our family; there was a falling out." That, too. If he wanted it.

Loki tugged at his hair.  More? More drama in his life?  "Falling out? What happened?"

"You... wanted father's approval. You took the throne. Um," he added, realizing he was really trying to cover too much ground at once, "we are of royal blood."

"We don't look like it." Not like the regal woman Thor spent so much time with, the one who looked at him with a pity that rankled.  Wait - was that a memory? _High cheekbones, strong chin, brown eyes full of life and sharp wit, frighteningly beautiful… a white mask?_

Thor laughed. It felt _so good_ to do that. "Maybe so. You were resplendent in your finery."

Loki looked down at himself. "Finery. This, I do have to see."  There was nothing _fine_ about him now.

"You liked clothing." That, he did know. One little fact. "I could get you a pad so you could design something, if you like? They can make anything, here."

Loki nodded eagerly. That felt right.  "I want clothes. And I want to see... who I was." He cocked his head. "Do you... do you know who this is?" With the thought, an illusion of a woman with long red hair stood next to him.  Loki did not know where he had seen her, how he knew her. Only that, like so many things, it _hurt_.

"Mother." The wound again. He gathered himself, met Loki's eyes again. "You were very close. Frigga. Her name was Frigga."

"Your mother?  I dream about her.”  And wake up screaming when I do.

"Our mother. You were always her favorite. She adored you."

"She died.  And it was my fault.” If the dreams were accurate.

"Yours?" Did he think so, truly? _Didn't you, at one time?_ "No! You were imprisoned when she was killed. You could do nothing to help. Perhaps... perhaps that's why you feel that way."

Loki put his head in his hands with a moan, sitting again.  “Prison. What did I _do_??”

"That... was Thanos's doing. We did not know." No, they just assumed Loki had suddenly become an insane, murdering maniac. Thor had suspected, perhaps, at first, but had he _done_ anything?

Loki nodded again, tightlipped.  Little chunks of knowledge floating like filthy ice in a deep, dark ocean of unknown.  “I want to see.”

"I will show you. Anything you want; anything you need."

"Yes.  Where? Here, or do we need to go to…” Loki’s mouth worked, “the palace?”  Where the woman was. The Queen.

"You have a connection in your hut. We can do it there, if you want?"

"Yes.  There.”  Walking was too slow.  Loki changed into one of the sturdy four-legged beasts he had seen here – zebra, yes.  That. A form that could also run well. It did not welcome a rider, but he could override those instincts.  Somewhat. He tossed his head in invitation.

Thor hesitated. Loki's eyes were calm. He jumped on, muscle memory from centuries ago kicking in.

Loki walked carefully to get used to the mass on his back – a heavy man, his… brother?  It was disgusting, wasn’t it, that he had even contemplated sex with the man? But then again, they were royal, if Thor was to be believed.  Royals had different rules, it seemed. Loki sped up.

Thor found himself laughing again - twice, so quickly, after so long a time! It has been a good thousand years, if not more, since he had been _this_ close to Loki.

Loki could feel the man laughing on his back.  It melded nicely with the joy of being an animal, running in the fresh grass.  He started to run and prance, playfully trying to buck or rear Thor off.

"Oh no, you don't!" Centuries it may have been, but Thor had not forgotten how to play this particular game. He held on with his thighs, laying low across Loki's body when he could.

Thor was so close, so tight, so physical.  Loki jumped across a little stream, planting his front legs hard on the landing for an abrupt stop.  Thor would either fly off – or hold more tightly to Loki.

Not a chance! Loki might be smarter, lighter and more skilled, but Thor was always the stronger. He held on to Loki's flanks like his life depended on it.

God, the feeling of Thor crushing his legs against Loki was mind-blowingly erotic.  He ran towards his hut, now visible in the distance, hoping to run off this _feeling_.  He didn’t know what to do with it.

Thor felt _young_. Impossibly young. It was this Loki; so free, so untroubled. _And you are about to undo all of that_. As they settled, Loki calming to a trot, Thor's smile faded. He dismounted soberly.

Loki changed back into himself, giggling, flushed from the outing.  Yes, for a moment, _distracted_.  Pleasingly so.  He would cling to that as long as it lasted.

And there it was again. _Youth_. Thor dared to put a hand on Loki's shoulder. "You have not forgotten your skills, brother."

Loki put his hand atop Thor’s, facing him. “I feel better.”

"As do I."

Nervously, shyly, Loki kissed him.  _Distraction_.

Thor closed his eyes. _NO. He is not himself; he cannot consent, STOP this_. He was weak. Always, always so weak. He moved his lips, gently, like he was trying not to spook a deer.

This felt so good, so right, such the appropriate thing to happen after the ride.  He moved his lips on Thor’s, letting his sticky, sweaty body brush against the other man’s.

"Loki..." He tried to speak, but there was Loki's body; so warm and smelling of him and heat, and he had been _dead_. Thor wound his arms around him, crushing him in a tight embrace.

Loki wheezed, “What?”  That hug was powerful.

"I love you." I need you. So help me.

"I don’t know what I feel,” Loki confessed.  “But I want this, right now.”

"And if you regret it?"

"It sounds like that’s a recurring theme in my life.  What’s one more?”

"Too much." Thor eased his embrace. "I will not deny you, if you want this. I have wanted this for centuries. But I fear it will make you hate me more."

“I will worry about that when I have more of my memory.”

Loki wanted it. Who was Thor protecting; himself? "All right, then." He kissed Loki again. Deeply.

Loki moaned and shivered.  What Thor was doing with his lips and tongue felt strange, alluring, utterly unfamiliar. Like he had never done this before, not even in the part of his life he had forgotten. But perhaps he had.  His ignorance of himself was deep. He kicked the door to his hut open, awkwardly.

A part of Thor didn't want to go inside. The sun was shining; they were free. The hut did not hold happy memories. But Loki was in charge. He followed.

Loki felt Thor’s reluctance.  “Do you want to fuck in front of my neighbors?” he asked, with a bravado he didn’t feel.  These words came to his lips easily, as if he had jibed with similar intent many times in the past.

"Take care what you say," Thor growled, pulling them both inside and the door shut.

This Thor was different.  Not the same Thor who had been holding him at a distance, an almost constant arm’s length, letting him get only so far away or so close, like a hovering parent.  Or a zookeeper. No, this was a Thor who was treating him like a person. For good and for ill. “I will,” Loki replied, licking his lips.

His armour was too hot, too much. Thor wrenched it off, arms and bits of chain flying. His undertunic was already torn, it barely resisted as he ripped it of his body.

Loki was staring, wide-eyed, at this force of nature in his little hut.  He hurriedly kicked off his loose trousers and soft sandals, the only clothing he had on now.

Naked. Not since they were boys... he'd had to stop bathing together with Loki when their bodies were changing. He couldn't stop staring. Now, or then. Thor fumbled with his trousers, utterly overcome.

They were almost of a height.  But Thor was so much bigger, bronzer, brighter… it was intimidating.  Loki put his chin in the air and forced himself to look anyway as the man emerged from under his clothing.

"If you want me... you have me." He held his arms out, open.

Why not.  He would, he hoped, at least _remember_ this.  Loki stepped to him, pressing his body close, tilting his head to kiss Thor.

Thor lifted him slightly as he embraced him, pressing his tongue against Loki's mouth. He needed this.

Terrifying and alluring.  Loki opened his mouth with a gasp, letting Thor’s tongue in.  It felt massively alien, unfamiliar, and so many things were unfamiliar! He grasped the man hard.

Loki. Alive, in his arms, willing. Wanting. Thor found the small bed in the corner, dragging them over there.

Loki had no idea what was done between two people in bed. Thor seemed to, however.  He would follow the man’s lead. He scrabbled to keep up, to not be dragged.

Thor lay down, pulling Loki atop, kissing him, feeling his body. His cock, standing to attention like a staff; pale and beautiful like the rest of the man. Thor lifted him a moment to look at it.

It was all so dizzyingly fast - atop Thor, a tongue in his mouth, then held up, away, in Thor's arms. Loki licked his lips, tasting his captor. His brother. His lover?  What happened next? Thor surely knew.

"What do you want?" Thor had no idea; did Loki even care for men? Assuredly, or he would not have agreed, but people worked in myriad ways.

"You." Somehow. Whatever that meant.  Loki looked down at Thor's member - surely that would be involved?

"How do you like to be touched?" It was frustrating not to just l _et go_ , but he had to ask.

"Well, I don't know, do I?" Loki snapped. "Try something!"

_There_  was his brother. Thor grinned, reaching out for Loki's pale, straining member. It fit into his hand like it belonged there, he thought, shamefully.

Loki closed his eyes with a moan.  "Oh, Thor..."

"I missed you." Not the right words, but what words _were_?

"I wish I knew." Knew you enough to know why I gave my life for yours. But maybe I could learn it all over again.  Was this the right start?

"Will you take my mouth?" He needed that. The taste, the closeness...

"Yes," Loki agreed. Whatever that meant.  Thor would have to show him.

Thor pulled him closer, sitting up, holding Loki by the ass. He licked at the head of his cock, wondering at what he was doing.

Loki's breath caught. Somewhere between what his hands were doing and what his mouth was doing, it was _working_  for Loki.

Thor had to have him. Blinding, helpless lust seared through him. He put his mouth around Loki's member, pulling it into his mouth.

"Uh." A lost little sound came out of Loki's mouth. He had nothing, no context for this. He grabbed Thor's shoulders to keep from flying away.

Good, incredible, but too impersonal. Thor let it fall from his mouth, looking up. "You can take me, if you wish."

"Take you where?" Loki asked, confused.

"Uh... with your..." Something at the back of his mind sat up and waved a red flag. Gods. Loki had _forgotten_.

Loki cocked his head. "My what?"

"Your manhood. In me." This was wrong. Loki was like a child.

"Oh." Loki's prick twitched with interest. "Yes. I want that."  At least, his prick did, and he would go with that.

That was something. "We will need, uh, something to ease the way."

Lubricant, something slippery. That made sense.  "I have oil." Loki jerked his head towards the small kitchen, stocked with the most basic of supplies.

"Yes." That would work. Loki, joined with him... Thor felt his own member twitch in anticipation.

Released, Loki ran to the kitchen eagerly, grabbing the vial of oil and running back. He paused. "On you?"

"On us both." He was a sight to behold. Lithe, muscles like taut wire, skin so pale it belied its Jotun origins.

Loki nodded. He was getting the idea, wasn’t he.  This wasn’t natural for him, not like changing forms. He slathered oil on Thor's smooth hole, and on himself.

"Yes. Like that." It would be fine; there was less to him than about three of Thor's fingers.

"Yes..." Just put his manhood in? Loki tried a finger first, experimentally. It slipped in so easily that Loki gasped.  Warm and snug, like velvet, but so _alive_.  He wanted it, so much he could barely breathe.

"Yes!" He would not last. Not like this. Thor took himself in hand, staring down at Loki's curious, bearded face. His hair hung in loose, gentle waves, mussed from the wind and weather.

Loki could hardly contain the sudden, abrupt, dire need of this. Like air. He pulled out his finger and put his head in its place.  Thor resisted, and Loki pushed harder.

"Loki...!" The pain was barely there; a reminder. _Don't ruin this. Don't hurt him_. "Yes. More."

And suddenly, Loki was inside. He cried out with the intensity - the pressure, the warmth!

"Here," Thor gasped, "come here." Closer. Before it all ended.

"If I move..." Loki balled his fists, "I'll come," he squeaked.  Some instinct was sounding loud alarums.

"All right." That would not do. "Be calm. Stay still, a while. Think of something unpleasant."

Loki huffed out a strained laugh.  Of all of the things to ask, he was uniquely suited to this.  Unpleasant was easy!

"What?" _Alive_ , his senses sang. _Yours, alive_.

"That's just about _everything_ before today, that I remember."  Not even full memories. Flashes.  Sensations. Visions.

"Let's make today a good one." He stroked himself, slowly. The feel of Loki inside him, seeing him, knowing he was _here_  and well and whole...

"All right.”  Loki had overshot not coming.  He was starting to soften. He moved slightly, and gasped – yes, it was coming back.

"Here. Please." Thor needed him closer.

Loki leaned down, gasping at the change in angle.  He carefully lowered himself onto Thor’s broad chest, inhaling the man's scent, the subtle smell of his too-warm body.

"Yes." Thor embraced him. Praise the Allfathers, he was _here._  "My Loki."

"Yours?” Loki gasped, his hips thrusting despite himself.

"By your leave, yes."

“Maybe.”  It was a lot to think about right now.  Orgasm started to build, and Loki closed his eyes and thought of the nightmare flashes of _fire_ and _choking_ that visited him every time he tried to sleep.  Orgasm went away, and he thrust more firmly. There was a certain rhythm, now.  Thrusting like a heartbeat, kissing with tongues moving in harmony.

Thor kissed him back. Needed to feel him there, too. As many points of contact as he could.  Loki... Finally! Thor spread his legs, pulling him in deeper. Holding him. He rocked with the movement, shivering with pleasure and love.

Orgasm, building again, and Loki thought of _waking in a plastic box, screaming, tearing at the lid._ His erection disappeared like ice in the sun, and he tore away from Thor, gasping.

"Loki!" This was wrong. Thor reached for him; it was so hard to remember that this was the _wrong_  thing to do.

Loki fell to the ground, arms wrapped tightly around himself. "I thought of something unpleasant," he managed. "It worked." Too well.

Thor jumped down next to him, embracing him. Consequences be damned.

_Lid holding him in, cold, frosted; eerie half-seen faces staring at him, his fingers bleeding from fruitlessly tearing at the lid_. Loki clawed at Thor's chest with a screech.

Thor took it, not flinching. "You are here. You are safe."

"I was safe in that damned box!" Loki yelled, pushing at him. _Trapped._

Thor let him go. He felt like he was collapsing from the outside in.

Loki kicked himself into a corner, holding himself tightly. "I don't know how long I was in there," he panted. He didn't want to talk about it. But it was there, now, unsuccessfully forgotten, and he couldn't just let it be _in_ him.

"You should not be alive at all. I am forever thankful that you are."

"You weren't there," Loki panted. "Just... the _normals_ in their coats with their mouths covered. Poking me." Needles and cuffs and clamps.  The dark eyes of the Queen, white cloth above and below.

"I didn't know. When they told me, I tried to get in, but they held me back." Barely. Three rhinos and a barrier calmed him down enough to reconsider.

"I don't know why. Why any of this! Who they are! You're my brother and I want you!" Just one example.

"I'm sorry. I will get you holos, tapes; anything you want. Anything you need." He could not help. Everything _Thor_  needed made things worse.

"It would only show me a part." Whatever had been taped. "Like your stories." He cocked his head at Thor. "Were you my only friend?"

"I don't know. You kept to yourself. Even as a boy." He wasn't enough. He couldn't even do this small thing. "What can I do?"

"Nothing," Loki said, deflated. If this rock of a man could not help, what else was there?

There was... yes. Perhaps. Thor moved just a half-inch closer. Approaching without threat. "When we were younger, there was a thing you did," he gestured, vaguely, "with your mind. You could connect to me. See my memories." He shrugged. "I don't know if you could do that again?"

Loki looked up at him. "I don't know. Is it like the... turning into different animals?" Something so instinctive that he did not need to think about it for it to happen?

"Perhaps? You needed to touch me. My face, I think."

Loki shifted. "The animals just happened, when I thought. When I really wanted to escape. I can try, I suppose."

"I'm not good with words. You were always there to help me with that. You relaxed me. You made me laugh."

"Not doing that now, am I." Loki let go of himself and shifted closer. A chance to know - to know something from _before_ the first thing he remembered now. Screaming and clawing with burnt hands. Pulled out, a dispassionate voice noting _he's hurting himself_ and then the restraints...

"You did. Twice today. I haven't laughed since you... since..."

Loki set his mouth. "Come here, then."

Thor walked himself over on his hands and knees, settling next to Loki. "Take what you need. What you can."

Carefully, tentatively, Loki put his hand on Thor's forehead. And, yes. He felt it. A little tickle of the other mind, just at the edges of his consciousness.  He _pushed_.

Thor screamed. It was too hot, too enclosed, and everything was fire and death and fear, and fear, and fear... he held. Somehow, he held. _Loki,_  said his inner core. _This is for Loki_.

Thor was screaming. Loki yanked his hand away, himself away.  This powerful, dangerous man was screaming...!

"I.. I felt you. The box." He was panting, searching for Loki... oh gods. No, this was _worse_.

"Sorry," the words tumbled out of Loki's mouth, "I did that wrong."

"It's good. I want to know. I thank you for the memory."

"I think I know what I did," Loki replied. "We can try, once more?" He wanted to _know_.

"Yes." Anything he needed. Thor leaned his head closer.

Loki put his hand on Thor's forehead again. That same tingle of _mind_. Instead of _pushing_ , he _pulled_.

_A scene framed in fire and twisted metal.  A handsome, upstanding man who looked vaguely like Loki, declaring his history and allegiance, meeting Thor's eyes without fear. Lunging to his death bravely_.

Loki pulled away. "That's not me." He frowned.

"What? Of course it's you!"

"It doesn't feel like me," Loki replied, full of fear and confusion.  Yes, _that_ was him.

"Loki." Thor sought his eyes. "That was you. That is you. Your finest moment."

Loki nodded uncertainly. "Did it help? Did it save anyone?" That would be something to hold onto.

"It... may have saved me." He'd given this some thought. "If Thanos had no been preoccupied with you - with torturing you for my benefit; two birds, one stone - he might have killed us both."

Loki met Thor's eyes. "Then it was something."

A weak, tired, happy laugh escaped him. "I'm glad you think so."

"Show me something else. Show me not at my best." Loki needed more dimensions.

"All right." It would out. And through Thor's eyes it might be better. He concentrated. The cell. Loki, seiðr broken, up against the wall, as lost as he looked now. He fixed it in his mind.

Loki put his hand to Thor again, pulling.  A different scene, yes, but… similar, in odd ways.    _A cell, a strange barrier between them, sensed more than felt. Loki looking - yes, more like he looked now. More real. And the sense of Thor came through, his perception - anger, hurt, endless pain, the sense that_ Loki _was the cause of it, that he cared for nothing and nobody, that a mere cell was insufficient punishment._

That felt right.

Thor watched Loki through the vision. Was that good? Bad? Would it help or hurt?

Loki pulled his hand away thoughtfully. Uncaring. No feelings. It would certainly be _easier_  to be that way.  But it still did not feel… quite right.  It was not how he was now.  Too _many_ feelings.  He wanted to be that person in Thor's vision.

"I did not understand. You had been under Thanos's thrall. I did not know." How? How could he not have known? His own brother!

Loki nodded.  "I still can't remember any of this."  He looked up at Thor again. "They're bringing me back in tomorrow," he noted, tensely.  This time, however, he had some questions for them.

"Would you like me with you?"

"To take me there, if you want."  Loki bit his lip. "Not when I'm in there."

"Whatever you need." That shouldn't hurt.

Loki nodded. "Can we... lie in bed for a moment?"

"Of course!" Thor scrambled to his feet.

Loki hauled himself to his feet.  He was still vaguely wanting, but after how the sex had gone, he didn't want to try that again.  Not ever, really.

The bed would have been small for Thor; for the two of them, there as barely space to lie side by side. Thor made room for Loki, pressing himself against the wall.

Not enough room.  Loki could do something about that; a snake again.  It had felt right before, after all, and he could be close to Thor.  Taste him.

Thor held his hand out, smiling. "That's it."

Loki twined around Thor's massive arm, moving up his shoulder.

"It's good to feel you close." This skin was familiar, too.

Rumblings of words, and the taste of affection.  It was delicious. Loki settled his head into Thor's neck.

"You understand me, don't you, in this form?" He ran a finger down Loki's soft, white belly.

_Connection.  Affection_.  The warmth of the man, so necessary.  So safe in his arms. Loki's tongue sampled it, the millions of slight variations all over his skin.

"Stay that way, as long as you want. Rest." It was an odd sort of attraction; he did not want to bed an animal, naturally, so that part of it was dulled. Still there, in potentia.

And oddly enough, Loki did.  He relaxed, lying lazily, soaking up the warmth.  Not trapped, this feeling - just safe.

"You are beautiful, brother."

_Attraction_.  Well, that was interesting.  Different. It warmed Loki almost as much as Thor's body  heat. He was _appealing_ to Thor.

"In any form." The scales were soft. It had surprised him, as a child.

The concept was too complex for Loki to understand, in this form.  But it still tasted like attraction. That was enough.

"I used to want to braid your hair."

A sense of _touch_ and _hold_ and _change slightly_. Interesting.

"Just an excuse to touch you, really. I love the feel of your hair."

_Love Attraction Smooth Body Everywhere_ Was it possible for snakes to be aroused?

"Feels like this, actually." Thor smiled. "My clever brother."

_Admiration  Awe_ Loki still didn't understand it.

"Will you stay with me, brother?"

Loki slithered into a resting spot around Thor's neck.

"Sleep, if you want."

And Loki did.

With almost no nightmares.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki, truth be told, had not slept properly since... what was, as far as he could remember, his first awakening.  His sleep was short, endlessly disturbed by visions of fire and blood, choking smoke, a burning city, the knowledge that he had done something _horrible_ .  
  
But tonight, those visions did not drag him from sleep.  They remained vague, quiet nightmares that he slept through - until a ray of sunlight stabbed him in the eye through the window.  He blinked himself back to wakefulness, in his usual pale form, draped over Thor's body.

"Good morning, brother." Thor stretched. It had not been a comfortable sleeping position, but he had _slept_ .

Loki's body was stiff and unwieldy.  He rolled off of Thor and fell onto the ground.  "Uh."

"Are you all right?" 

"Stiff."  Loki stretched carefully. "I haven't slept that much..." he paused. "Since I can remember." A depressingly short time.

"A good sleep?" ****  
** **

Loki shook his head. "Not really. But I slept."  He looked up at Thor. "Is it my true form? This one feels familiar, but not... true."  Maybe he simply didn't have one.

"I don't know what you consider your true form. This is the one you usually wore. You... do have another though." _Jotun_ . Not a word he’d thought about for years. 

"Which one is that?" Loki stood, carefully, stretching, feeling his body snap and pop.  He would welcome another.

"You were adopted. Your true form is... Not like mine. They are called Jotun." 

Loki nodded.  It made a great deal of sense, that he was not even of the same race as this imposing man.  "I am a different being from you."

"Well, we're both _people_ . We were raised the same. But you are Jotun by blood." 

"Can they show me a Jotun?  When I go in today?" For the first time, he wasn't utterly terrified by the idea of going back in.  Merely quite scared.

"I can show you right now." There was a connection, and a pad, surely... Thor looked around. 

"On that?" Loki pointed to the little tablet, resting on a table in the corner where _they_ had left it. He hadn't used it.  "They gave it to me and told me I could read."  If he hadn’t been so busy running, he would have.

"That might do." Thor picked it up and stabbed at it, randomly. 

The screen lit up with symbols as Thor poked at it.  Loki looked over Thor’s shoulder. It spoke in a language Loki did not know, but ten buttons offered options for languages.  
  
"That one." Thor clicked the button. "You know more than twenty, but this should be most familiar." 

Loki looked at the screen curiously.  Symbols on a picture reminiscent of the landscape outside.  It looked... familiar, but with an odd taste of never remembering having seen it.  Confusing. He poked at a blue _e_ .

"You... Write what you want, here." Truth be told, Thor was a little out of his element. 

Loki poked at it, and a table of symbols appeared.  If he didn't think about it, he realized, he was able to do this easily, and that was disturbing.   _Jotun_ , he typed, and pressed the symbol next to the text.

"You don't look quite like that," Thor supplied. "Your hair is the same as it is now." 

Loki nodded, poking at the pictures.  Blue. Scarred. It didn't feel familiar, but it did feel, oddly, _right_ .  Comfortable.  Something he could adopt.  He felt himself changing...

"Yes," Thor breathed. "Like that." 

Loki looked at his arms.  Frosty blue skin, dark blue veins, paler blue scars.  The house was even more oppressively hot in this form, but his body, almost instinctively, _pushed_ cold outwards, a cocoon of comfort.  Humidity turned to frost at the interface.

"Does that feel right?" 

"Right... but unfamiliar," Loki frowned.  A different sort of dissonance than the other form, but dissonance nonetheless.

"You do not use it often." 

Loki nodded, changing back to his... typical form.  He shivered slightly, plunged into freezing air, before it dissipated, leaving air that was far too hot.  No happy medium, here.

"Either suits you." 

Loki nodded again.  He would have to consider all of this.  At least it was something neutral to think about and brood on, something that wasn’t his nightmares.  "I'm supposed to be at..." he jerked his head in the general direction, "the palace at first light." They would come for him otherwise.

"I will take you." 

Loki picked up his discarded coarse trousers and put them on.  "It will be a long walk."

As though that mattered! Now that he was finally healing, recovering, Thor would have to be dragged from Loki’s side. "We will get you better clothes today." 

"Like what I used to wear?"  In that first memory Thor had shared.  Smooth hide, colors cool like frost. His hair less wild.  In the second memory, it all looked almost the same as now, really.

"Whatever you want."  
  
"All right."  It was a secondary consideration anyway to what occupied his mind.  The palace. The doctors. How they might, finally, _help_ .  Loki stepped out into the bright sunlight, blinking.

Thor smiled at him. It was like seeing a newborn foal, walking out into the world unsteadily. "You know the way." 

"Do you want to ride?" Loki asked, half-turning towards him.  Just one more taste of enjoyment, of freedom. Of closeness.

"Always. If you wish it so." 

Loki nodded. The zebra again. The willowy, horned animal pleased him more, but it might not be strong enough to bear Thor’s weight.

"Anything you want," Thor said again. That was important. No more _force_ . 

Loki trotted up next to him, tossing his head, eager and impatient, the simple thoughts of the animal foremost in his mind.

"Steady," Thor cooed. He knew Loki would be. 

Loki grinned, showing his teeth aggressively.

"Take me there!" This was _them_ . No one could take that away. 

Thor mounting was, again, something that took a moment to get used to. But once astride, Thor's body worked so well with Loki's that the running was easy.   _Fun_ .  When had he last felt that?

Thor couldn't help it. He laughed, egging Loki on.

Spurring him on?  Well, Loki would oblige.  He stretched his legs into a low, fast gallop, leaping little creeks and startling other road users, their cargo balanced delicately on their heads or tucked neatly in the carrier compartments of their electric hover-scooters.

"That's my brother," Thor yelled, whooping in delight. 

"It's his brother," a guard deadpanned to her partner as they watched the two fly through the gates of the castle grounds.

"Takes all kinds," the other noted.

 

* * *

****

Alas, they were at the steps in far too short a time.  Loki slowed to a trot, then a walk, then stopped, breathing heavily as Thor dismounted.

"Shall I leave you here?" He would go on, if Loki willed it. 

Loki changed back to his pale form, catching his breath, wiping sweat from his forehead.  "Leave me here." He looked up at the doctor who was already heading down the stairs to collect him.  As always, they had seen him coming.

"All right.” It wasn’t, but it would have to do. “I will be here when you are done. If you wish." 

"Wherever you like.  I might be some time."  Guards fell in behind him as he approached the doctor.  Quietly, unobtrusively, but they were there. Well, he had misbehaved quite substantially so far.

"All right." Thor tried to sternly warn the guards, but they paid him no attention. No matter. Shuri was in control. 

"Loki Odinsson?" asked the doctor.  
  
"You know better than I." Loki met her dark eyes.  
  
"Come with me."

Loki followed her into the spacious, high-tech building. He tried to keep his voice steady. "Will you be taking my blood today?" Slender needles inserted into his blue veins, sapping his energy, his seiðr.

"No. We have taken all that we need from you."

Loki shivered.  What need had his blood fulfilled?   "Then what will you be doing to me?"  
  
"We will scan you. Observe the changes in your brain."

"What sort of changes?" Loki stumbled slightly, distracted. "Will you be reading my mind?"

She smiled. Not in the way Thor smiled; this was more like a sign language of politeness. "In a manner of speaking." She motioned to a room just off the corridor they were in. "In there."

Loki wrapped his arms around his bare torso. "You'll know more about my thoughts than I do." _Everyone_ seemed to.  It was disturbing.

"Only in the abstract. We see the structure of your brain; your mind, if you will."

"Just the... synapses." The word sprung unbidden to his lips, and he didn't really know what it _meant_ , only what it felt like on his tongue. Base grey meat. He stepped tentatively inside of the room.

"Very good." Her voice was measured, like a robot praising a subject specified by careful programming. "Sit down."

Loki sat as directed, gripping the arms of the chair tensely. "I have a few things to ask of you."

"Of course," she said, adjusting the height of his chair.

"You have many potions, many tools here," he noted, looking around the clean, well-appointed room. "Do you have any to ease the mind, to take away emotion?" To be the person Thor saw.  Undisturbed, calm, above it all.

"Take... emotion away?" She frowned, her hands stilling at the controls.

"Yes. I have too much. Too many thoughts that I don't know what to do with. Too many memories without context."

"Emotions are what makes us people." Her eyes were wide in confusion.

Loki leaped to his feet.  "Well, you're not deluged with them every day without knowing where in Helheim they're coming from, are you?  You have some bloody _context_ for them??"

"That," a voice from the other side of the room sounded, "is what we are trying to give you." Shuri walked in, taking a stand beside his chair. "Hello, Loki."

"Queen," he growled, panting.  She was regal, poised, calm, beautiful.  Resentment and admiration warred in his chest.

"Not officially." She smiled. "And what do I call you? King consort?"

That stung.  "Loki," he told her. The name did roll off his tongue with unremembered familiarity.  "And if you want to help me... _that's_ what I need.  Not to feel so much."

"Perhaps that is how you feel now, but it will not last. We sentient beings are not made to be without feeling."

As always.  Easy to say when you were not the one without memory.  "Then let me at least have something to take them away for _now_ . For the moment."

"To dull you?" She considered. "We can do that. But it would make our work more difficult."

Loki's lip curled with frustration.  "Then it would take longer for me to remember?"

"For you to _recover_ ," she corrected him. "Emotions and memories are connected."

"How much longer will it take?" he asked her, picking at his hands.

"We cannot know." She patted his shoulder, almost cheerfully. "Let's start by seeing if there's any change since last time."

Loki settled back down into the chair, resigned.  "Is there anything that can be done to speed the process?"  If he was going to be miserable anyway...

"Talk to your brother," she said, in the manner of a parent chastising a child.

"I've _been_ talking to him,” Loki huffed. “He only knows the _me_ he remembers, and it makes no sense.  It sounds like he’s talking about someone else."

She was holding what looked like a crystal over his head, slowly moving it across his brow. An image of twisted threads hung in the air, spinning and turning with her movement. "You have been changing your shape again. Frequently." 

"Yes." No point in lying.

"It shifts everything slightly." She frowned. "It's shifted a lot, this time." 

"Shouldn't I do it?" Loki frowned, mirroring her expression. "I wasn't told." And it helped, a little, when he was in animal form. It helped him feel - well, not _less_ , but to feel more simply.  
  
"No, no!" She used a hand to swipe through different viewing modes. "This is good. It's... More than good; there is regrowth here!" She beamed at him. Spontaneous tissue regrowth in the equivalent of the epithalamus _and_ hippocampus; what this research could mean for human medical science was nothing short of miraculous.  “Thor said your kind was capable of that, but I'll admit, I didn't quite believe him."

"So I should do more of it," Loki noted.

"It's not the act itself; it's the work your brain must do to arrange it." She looked closer. "Did you say you talked to your brother?" 

Loki nodded. "We shared memories. Insofar as one can."

"That explains this." She enhanced an area. Rotated it. "There is significant change in your long-term memory." She looked down at him. "Do you feel different?"

Loki shook his head with a frustrated sigh. "No. Everything he showed me looked like someone else made up to look vaguely like me." He looked up at her, anxiously.  That was a bad sign, wasn’t it.

She put a hand on his shoulder, very gently. "That will change. It is not truly a memory for you now; just a story you have been told. The good in telling you is not so you will know from the telling, but to nudge your own mind to remember." 

Loki worked his fingers irately. "The one who ravaged your world is running free, and we're sitting around campfires telling stories."

"There is work afoot to deal with him.” Shuri clicked an info-window shut, and sealed the simulation off. The construct dissolved back into air. “And we need your mind, too. We need all the minds and bodies we can get." ****  
** **

"You're truly desperate, aren't you." ****  
** **

Her smile weakened. "I cannot say no." ****  
** **

Loki sighed.  He didn't know which one of _him_ was true. The unfeeling, evil one or the self-sacrificing hero. The latter seemed more unreasonable, but there only way to be certain... "I will work hard to remember, then." ****  
** **

"I can tell you already are." She was smiling again. "You wanted something to ease your way?" ****  
** **

"Yes," Loki replied, firmly. ****  
** **

"It is difficult to find something that won’t interfere with your healing process," she winked at him, "but I am very good." And the thing about placebo was, it worked even if you knew what it was. Not that she was about to tell him.  ****  
** **

Loki stood. "And if I remember I'm a villain?" he asked, cheekily. Semi-cheekily. ****  
** **

"It does not work like that, Odinsson." She turned the scanning device off, and grinned at him. "This is not an adventure story where something evil is hiding inside of you, waiting to come out. There is only you, and the memory of what you have done." ****  
** **

"I have neither,” he grumbled.  “Not who I am, not the memory of what I did." ****  
** **

"I mean the _you_ that you are now. It's all one." She rummaged in a cabinet opposite them. "What troubles you the most? Fear, or worry?" ****  
** **

"Fear," Loki said, firmly. The half-remembered fears of his nightmares. The fears of his remembered arrival. The fear of who he _was_ . ****  
** **

"All right, then." She turned around, handing him a small ampule. "This will help. It will not remove the fear, but it will dull it." ****  
** **

Loki turned it in his hands. "Drink, or inhale? How many doses?" ****  
** **

"Through the skin, like so." She showed him, gentle fingers on his neck. "There is a button. Feel it?" ****  
** **

Loki nodded. "I do." He did not remember technology this good - but he wouldn't, would he? ****  
** **

"Whenever you need it, but not too often. No more than four times a day." ****  
** **

Loki nodded. "Four times." He looked up at her. "Thank you," he forced himself to say. It was what he wanted, after all.  Sans the lecture, but that was the price. ****  
** **

"I know it may not feel that way, but we are here to help." Her face changed; some emotion he could not follow. "I do not know you, but Thor has become my friend. A good friend, in these times. And he loves you. For me, that is enough to consider you friend, too." ****  
** **

Loki twisted the ampule in his hands. "A good friend indeed, for you to take this risk." A King and a Queen, perhaps? It made more sense than him with his _brother_ , with Loki. ****  
** **

Her lip twisted. "Treating a patient is not a risk." Did he think so little of himself? ****  
** **

"It seems like treating _me_ might be." His one act of redemption was to _fail_ to stop their destroyer? And loath though Thor might be to show him - he had done something terrible. _A burning city._ In his mind like a story half-remembered. ****  
** **

"I keep telling you; there is not some slumbering monster inside you waiting to be unleashed. People don't work like that." ****  
** **

"I have no choice but to trust you." He bowed. "And I will take my leave." ****  
** **

"Shall I tell you," she said, her voice like the commander of armies. ****  
** **

Loki faded back slightly at her voice, her demeanor, her serious, regal face. "Tell me what?" ****  
** **

"What you did. Thor worries it will upset you, regress you back to how you were when we found you. He does not want to hurt you. He loves you. He cannot be rational. But you are my patient, and I know you can take it. If you are so afraid of what knowing will do," she threw her arms wide, 'then let me prove you wrong. ****  
** **

"Yes." Loki stepped forward eagerly. "Show me who I was."  It could not be worse than the vague castles of looming evil he had built in his head, on the shaky foundation of the glimpses of memory that was all he had, now. ****  
** **

"I will _tell_ you," she corrected him. "You can see for yourself, later." She paused, gathering herself. "They call it the Battle of New York. It is one of the great cities of this planet. You tried to invade it, under Thanos's influence." She smiled, grimly. "It was hardly a battle. Only a team of people with highly specific skills were able to stop you. Everything else was... mallets against flies. A lot of people died. I have the numbers, if you want them." ****  
** **

Loki nodded, tight-lipped. "Tell me how many I killed." _Influence_ . Influence alone did not turn a good man into a killer. It merely pushed an existing inclination over a precipice. ****  
** **

She looked at him, as if to satisfy herself he meant it, then poked at a device on her wrist. "Here. I'll tell you exactly." The numbers floated in the air. Killed. Wounded. Missing. ****  
** **

Loki's mouth dropped. "That's... an unconscionable amount," he gasped. Of dead alone. "And you took me in." ****  
** **

"Listen to yourself. 'Unconscionable'. You," she pointed at him, "would not have done that. Could not." ****  
** **

"But I did." He shivered. It was _shameful._ ****  
** **

"Then where is the monster? Shall I call my guards?" ****  
** **

Loki closed his eyes and rubbed them. This made no sense. He did not understand.  Or was _this_ how it felt to have a monster locked in his brain? Howling alongside the forgotten memories, waiting to be unlocked, unleashed?   "I must think on this, lady." ****  
** **

"Do. Remember the ampule. And let Thor help you. He needs that, too." ****  
** **

"Yes.  I will speak to him tonight." Before then, Loki had need of that tablet in his hut again. Not for the monster he was; he would set that aside for now, let it simmer. He had a more immediate and bounded task to address.

 

* * *

****

 

Loki had not been gone a long time, but there was never any telling which was worse; long visits or short ones. The first time they had brought Loki here, the doctors had simply taken one look through their devices, shook their heads, and left. They could do nothing for him, they said. His mind was forever gone; brains did not repair themselves that way. And Thor had protested, begged, pleaded, that theirs _did_ . How else would there be anything left of his brother at all, after so long in suspension? Thor leaned against the palace wall, where an overhang gave shade to his remaining eye. The memory unsettled him, so he let it play. ****  
** **

_"You do not understand!" Thor kept his voice calm, feeling the trickle of electricity on his skin. His hands hung limply by his side, but his hands were fists, clenching and unclenching. "I saw him stabbed through the gut! I saw him die; I felt it. He came back!"_ ****  
** **

_The doctor, tall, handsome, narrow-eyed and sharp, shook her head. "He could not have. I have seen him use illusions," she added, with an undertone Thor did not like, "from the archives. In battle, he-"_ ****  
** **

_"It was no illusion. I felt him die!"_ ****  
** **

_"Then perhaps he heals well. But the gut is one thing; the brain, quite another. It does not heal the way your arm, or your leg, or your stomach might." She nodded at his eye, meaningfully. "Would his finger grow back, if we cut it off?"_ ****  
** **

_"Of course not! Once you separate it from the whole-"_ ****  
** **

_"That is not science," she snorted._ ****  
** **

_"His brain," Thor said, with the last remnants of his patience, "will heal. He is Jotun. I am Aesir; we heal quickly. Even such injuries." Sif had once taken an arrow to the head. It took the healers a month, but she recovered fully._ ****  
** **

_"I'm sorry." The doctor had already started packing up her tools. "He is stable; his basic motor functions might work, and his autonomic functions are intact. He can move; feed himself, he may learn to articulate simple things. That is all."_ ****  
** **

_"He screamed. When you opened the pod, his fingers and hands were bloodied from trying to claw out of it." Outside, there was the faint rattle of thunder. "He is there."_ ****  
** **

_She sighed, deeply. Her face had the look of someone who had this conversation too often in too short a time, in too many variations. "He cannot be. Brain damage of this magnitude is irreversible. Yes, some patients with less severe injuries can train themselves to use different areas of their brain in place of the damaged sections, but your consort..."_ ****  
** **

_"Brother," Thor muttered, not seeing, not quite hearing._ ****  
** **

_"There is too much," she touched his arm. Thor barely felt it. "He will not heal."_

_"Yes." He held a hand out to touch the cool wall. Solid. Metal, possibly. Thick as the walls of Valhalla. "He will."_ ****  
** **

_"There is no medical evidence-"_ ****  
** **

_"I'll give it to you." He bashed his head into the wall._ ****  
** **

Something in his peripheral vision snapped Thor back into the present. A small figure, high atop the walls, looking out the window. The coloring. The movement. ****  
** **

"Loki?" ****  
** **

The window was open. The figure was moving, leaping. "Loki?" ****  
** **

No. _No_ . Thor ran. Calculated angles and weights and how fast he could run up the stairs instead and if there was time... ****  
** **

Flapping wings. Black and red, soaring above him, away. Thor collapsed on the grass. ****  
** **

 

* * *

****

It was a little tricky - perhaps Loki should have practiced this beforehand. But he yearned for freedom, for a little change, after _that_ interaction...  ****  
** **

It might not have gone so well if he had chosen a noble bird of prey, but a carrion-eater, with big black wings and an evil red head - that was easy. Natural. He fell into that form as he fell towards the ground, his wings catching the air, bearing him up.  He flew to his hut, an ampule clutched in his talons. ****  
** **

The rush of air, the giddy thrill of flight, invigorated him. This distinct view, so high above everything, seeing the normals scurry around at the business of living, was soothing. The view of carrion in the distance - a dead animal, full of flies, too torn apart by the predator that killed it to identify - was tempting, but he dragged has focus away from that.  The almost _instant_ arrival at his hut - yes.  Satisfying. ****  
** **

He'd have to do this again sometime.

But for now, he walked into the hut in his pale form, and settled down with the tablet. ****  
** **

Loki brought up the search page again.  All of what he had discussed with Suri was far too much, right now; he had to let it settle, let it fester, review it later. For now, there was something relatively simple and bounded, something he could address in an afternoon. ****  
** **

He typed "sex" and let the search run. ****  
** **

With a yelp, he put his hand in front of the results.  Good.. good lord, _no_ . How could anyone... NO. ****  
** **

He stabbed at the search, adding "men with men." ****  
** **

Good. Better. _These_ were some books and some pictures he could work with.

It was all absolutely fascinating, Loki decided, after reading through a fraction of what was available.  And workable. And maybe Loki wouldn't have to think about... a sick wave of fear swept over him. He put the tablet aside and reached under his cot to pull out the ampule.  He pressed it to his neck and moaned as a cold rush of fluid flowed into his blood. The effect was almost immediate - a feeling of calm, peace, serenity, and oddly, arousal.  He looked up at Thor, suddenly there in the hut with him. "Hello, brother." ****  
** **

"Loki. You look well." He did. Flushed and a little unkempt, but fairly calm. ****  
** **

"I feel good, brother.  Shuri gave me something to help."  Loki leaned back and smiled beatifically at Thor.  "She seems to care for you a great deal." ****  
** **

He looked... Ethereal. Thor's mouth, he realized, was hanging open. "I... uh, what did you say?" ****  
** **

"You and Shuri.  She takes care of me because of you." ****  
** **

"I am in her debt." When Thor had thrown himself against the wall, she had been there to hold him back. She believed him, then and now. She was the reason Loki was still alive. ****  
** **

"And what do you owe her, brother?" Loki met Thor's eye. ****  
** **

"My loyalty. My eternal gratitude." Loki’s eyes were mesmerizing. When had they last been so glitteringly alive?

"Nothing more?  She seems to want more." It was important to know where the boundaries lay, before he stepped into her territory.  Even more than he already had. ****  
** **

"More? In what way?" ****  
** **

"Physically.  Sex. Marriage."  A King and a Queen, of this realm and… whatever Thor called his own kingdom. ****  
** **

Thor spluttered in shock. "Marriage?!" ****  
** **

"So that's of no interest to you?" Loki asked. ****  
** **

"With her? No, why would it be?"  ****  
** **

"Because she's a Queen, and a warrior, and massively intelligent, and beautiful."  Loki did not notice that his own lust responded to women at all, but that was a basic fact. ****  
** **

Thor's mouth curled. Well. Of course. This was a sign he was getting better, wasn't it? Not just doing what he thought he should? "You've taken a liking to her." ****  
** **

"Oh good gods, no.” Loki almost laughed.  “I have no interest in women." ****  
** **

Thor frowned. "Really?" That was... unexpected. He'd seemed to take a liking to the Valkyrie. ****  
** **

"Not of that sort."  Loki cocked his head.  This potion of Shuri's worked.  He felt calm, free to speak, to communicate.  And yes, continued mild arousal. A pleasing side effect.  "Not that sort of liking, I mean. I reserve that for you." ****  
** **

"For...  for me?" Thor very nearly looked over his shoulder. ****  
** **

"Yes, you.  I liked what we did earlier, but I didn't know enough.  I know more, now." Even so little research had clarified a great many things. ****  
** **

"Truly?" Thor was still in his torn-apart undertunic. His trousers, made of Asgardian weave, would take more than the end of the world to destroy, but right now his cock was giving it its best shot. "You want me? Still?" ****  
** **

"Yes, why would I lie?"  He blinked, looking down thoughtfully.  He should assume nothing. "Uh - maybe I lie a lot.  Do I?" He looked up curiously at Thor. ****  
** **

"To a fault. I can usually tell, though."

"Useful. So you can tell I'm not doing it now."

"It's... hard to believe what you're saying. You never took an interest, before." He took a hesitant step closer. "But I want you, dearly." ****  
** **

"Maybe I was too busy keeping my lies straight, or being under someone else's influence and invading large cities." Loki still had no memory of it.  But the description felt right, it felt… _Thor’s face twisted, upset, at a lie he had told… the bright green blast of destruction into an unfamiliar building_ ... ****  
** **

Thor stopped. "You know." His face felt like ash. Like debris from a battle, long gone. ****  
** **

"Shuri told me." Loki shrugged. "Just another piece in a too-large puzzle.  And I don't have the picture." He paused. What was this item? The words had come to his lips without conscious thought... ****  
** **

"You don't know Thanos. He has power over minds; over people. He controlled you." ****  
** **

"He could have anyone, but he chose me." Loki cocked his head. It must have been for a reason. Loki would figure out what it was. ****  
** **

"You were in a useful position. I think..." Thor thought, considering - he knew so little about this! "You came his way by accident." Had it been? ****  
** **

Loki grinned mischievously.  "He wasn't my _type_ , was he?" ****  
** **

"Don't even joke about that." A low rumble, in the distance. ****  
** **

"I want to joke about everything," Loki noted. "Is that not me?" A genuine question. It could just be the potion. ****  
** **

Thor felt his shoulders fall. "That is you, brother. I think, if anything, that is your soul." ****  
** **

Loki shrugged. "Well, I have that, at least." It didn't seem to please Thor. No matter. He had learned new ways, possibly, to please Thor. "Come here." ****  
** **

And Loki commanded _his_ soul. Now and always. Thor went to him. ****  
** **

Loki raised himself upright on the bed on his knees, putting his lips to Thor's. He remembered what he had read in the articles, what he had seen in the videos - moving his lips on the other man's. ****  
** **

To kiss him again! Thor had not imagined he would; he held Loki's face in his hands, feeling his lips with his own. He would cherish this. ****  
** **

Good; Thor seemed into the first part. Loki opened his mouth, licking at Thor's lips. ****  
** **

Norns, that was alluring. Thor sighed, letting himself be teased open. ****  
** **

There. This was as he had read. Loki put this tongue in Thor's mouth - then shivered and moaned at his own reaction, pressing close to Thor's body.  Nothing he could read could prepare him for this. He ached. ****  
** **

So open, so wanting! Thor embraced him, letting him in, letting his tongue explore him. ****  
** **

Loki could barely breathe, and that was fine. He tore at Thor's tunic, trying to get their bare chests together.  Skin on skin, he needed it. ****  
** **

Rushed, but that was fine, if Loki wanted it. Thor was still reeling from the reality of this; a second chance at something he had never thought to gain. He pulled the tunic off, pressing closer. ****  
** **

Loki ran his hands greedily down Thor's massive back, feeling his powerful muscles.  This felt unprecedented. A gift. ****  
** **

"What do you want of me? I am yours to command." ****  
** **

"I want you in me." So much he could taste it.  All of the mental pain, the messiness of him trying to control his reactions, previously, fell away at the thought.  He wanted to do this to _forget_ , not to take on more responsibly! ****  
** **

A dizzying thought. "If you want it." He undid his trousers, kicking them to the floor. "There may be pain." ****  
** **

"I remember pain." It was the only constant in his memories.  He could deal with it. ****  
** **

"There is..." how to say this? "Uh, a lot of me." ****  
** **

"There will never be a better time, then.  I don't know anything else." ****  
** **

"Oil," Thor managed. To have Loki in this way... He had never imagined. ****  
** **

Loki pulled it off of the bed behind him.  A half hour or so of experimentation might not be much, but it had been more than none. "We have this."  Three fingers in a decent-sized bottle. "I can ask for more after." ****  
** **

"You would want this again?" The thought of it! ****  
** **

"On my own terms," Loki noted, his eyes glittering.  He had looked it up, he had researched, he knew... well, more than nothing, now, at least.  He had _agency_ , just a little, and it was addictive. ****  
** **

"I know this Loki." Thor kissed him again, pressing him down on the bed. ****  
** **

"Mph," Loki agreed, pressing up against him. ****  
** **

If this was what Loki wanted, Thor would give it to him. He found the oil, working it into his fingers. He wished he had two eyes, now… wait! "I want to see you properly. Wait. Please." He corked the bottle clumsily.  ****  
** **

"See me?" Loki frowned, sitting up. Surely one eye was plenty... ****  
** **

This was important. An occasion, and he should look his best, be at his best... he rummaged through the small cabinet in the corner. He'd left it here, surely? There, a little box. One of the doctors had cleaned it for him, discreetly mentioning that they could do much better - something to think about, now. Thor flipped the box open and took it out.  ****  
** **

Loki watched intently. He'd never seen this before. "These doctors... gave that to you?" If they could give sight back... ****  
** **

"No, a rabbit did." He put it in, distractedly. It always took a while for the sensors to take.  ****  
** **

Loki fell back on his arms, bemused.  There must be some context for this, something he no longer had the memory of.  "A... rabbit." ****  
** **

"Yes. We fought Thanos together." He waved a hand as his brain realized it was getting a signal. It settled, slowly... there.  ****  
** **

"Does this... rabbit have great healing skills?"  Was that a general characteristic? ****  
** **

"Honestly, I think he just collects cybernetics." It was... different. Better. More real, with two eyes. Just in his mind, perhaps, but he _was_ this mind. Thor walked back over, drinking Loki in.  ****  
** **

"Did this _rabbit_ fare better against Thanos than I?" Loki asked, tartly. ****  
** **

"None of us did. I cleaved him nearly in half. He lived."  ****  
** **

"Inconvenient." ****  
** **

"He killed our people. My friends. He killed _you_ ." Thor breathed out, leaning over Loki. "I wanted to watch the light go out in his eyes."  ****  
** **

Loki fell back slightly from that fiery, intense gaze. "I'm not him..." he managed.

"No, you are my brother. My Loki." He reached out for his face.

Brothers who fucked. And it wasn't a joke, because Thor didn't like that sort of joke. Loki nodded, processing all of this. ****  
** **

"You know I would care for you even if we do not do this?" There was something like fear in Loki's eyes.  ****  
** **

"I don't know anything, Thor. But you _have_ been." It was incontrovertible. ****  
** **

"Have been what?" His soft hair. Like when they were young. Like a dark halo in the shelter of the hut.  ****  
** **

"Taking care of me." ****  
** **

"Of course. I love you."  ****  
** **

Loki nodded. He hadn't figured out _love_ yet. And he couldn't _remember_ . ****  
** **

"I want you in this way, but it's all right if you don't." His fingers traced Loki's jaw, his cheek, his cheekbones.  ****  
** **

"I do. It's one of the few things I know." Thor's fingers felt odd on his scraggly, unkempt beard. Not short and neat, like Thor's. ****  
** **

"You didn't use to have this," Thor smiled fondly. Even this hair was soft. ****  
** **

"I saw. In your memory. I want to take it off." It felt wrong, and it was hot, and it itched. ****  
** **

"I will have something sent for. They would not trust you with knives, a while." ****  
** **

"I remember." Loki looked down. He remembered trying to use them. ****  
** **

It was still impossible to just _kiss_ the man. He was still unreal, still a fragile reality that might break if Thor examined it too closely. And this intimacy? More fragile still. Instead, Thor ran his hands down Loki's arms, taking hands in his.  ****  
** **

A barrier between them, something soft and quiet, but unimaginably strong. Loki felt it out of the corner of his eye, as Thor kept his distance, touching only Loki's arms. Was it the reminder that Loki had tried to take the coward's way out? ****  
** **

"I would kiss you again." Closer. This, at least. ****  
** **

"Then why don't you?" ****  
** **

Beautiful. Real under his hands and lips, soft, hard and firmly yielding at the same time. Thor pushed Loki's lips open with his own, still holding his hand.  ****  
** **

Loki opened his mouth, letting his eyes fall shut.  This was good, so good. And what if he lost this, too? Forgot it all tomorrow? He tried to push that thought away, but it persisted. ****  
** **

Deeper. Taste him, as he never could. Thor's grip hardened; he could so easily _let go_ and ravage him. He must not.

Loki's breath caught. Thor was holding him so tightly. It felt... secure. Grounding. Nothing like being restrained by the doctors - it felt _right_ . It kept uncomfortable thoughts at bay. ****  
** **

"More..." He growled it, pressing their bodies together tightly. He could feel Loki's member, warm against his abdomen.  ****  
** **

"More," Loki agreed, gasping. He needed to feel Thor close, so close. Inside. ****  
** **

Thor broke. He pushed them both down onto the bed, licking a stripe down Loki's throat, the hollow of his neck. Whole. Alive.  ****  
** **

Loki threw his head back, whimpering.  He was losing control. It felt utterly, utterly unfamiliar.  Had he never done this before? ****  
** **

"I've missed you." A solid body, more real than at an arms’ length. Thor embraced him, working a hand down his back.  ****  
** **

"I need you."  He had nothing else.  Nothing made sense, but Thor made less lack of sense than anything else, at the moment. ****  
** **

Thor's fingers grazed the rounded (not too rounded) curve where spine (too prominent) became buttock, pressing between them. He kept his head against Loki's chest, feeling his heartbeat.  ****  
** **

Thor's fingers, so close to _that_ part.  Loki had read, observed, knew intellectually what would happen - but there was nothing intellectual about the way this was affecting him.  His chest heaved unsteadily with want and fear. ****  
** **

His fingers were still slick, but not enough, not enough to press inside. Give a taste. Take a little something. Thor shivered.  He could not remember where the oil was, casting about for it on the mattress like a madman.  ****  
** **

What Thor was casting about for was hard against Loki's back.  "Under me..." ****  
** **

There! He caught it, pulling roughly out.  ****  
** **

"Yes," Loki whimpered. "Please. I need this." Something real. Something solid. ****  
** **

Thor upended the bottle, working it into his hands, his cock, rubbing it into Loki where it would be needed. He barely remembered the cork, flinging it back into the bedclothes.  ****  
** **

"Have you ever done this?" Loki asked. Please, _someone_ here be experienced...

"Not with a man."  ****  
** **

"Have..." Probably shouldn't ask, but "have _I_ ever done this?" ****  
** **

"I would not know. Women favored you." It was distressingly odd to talk about this with his hands covered in oil, about to bed him. ****  
** **

"The ones here do not." Loki shrugged. He didn't care. Especially not now. "Come, brother." He lay back, spreading his legs. ****  
** **

"Tell me if there is pain." ****  
** **

Loki cocked his head. "Why?" ****  
** **

Thor paused, hand pressed between Loki's legs. "So... we can stop?" ****  
** **

"Oh."  The idea of _stopping because of pain_ didn't seem familiar, but he had forgotten much. ****  
** **

Two fingers? One. Careful steps. _Take him, mark him, bind him to you with your body_ . No. _Careful_ . ****  
** **

One finger.  One big, meaty finger.  Loki clenched around it instinctively, then let go, feeling it push _inside_ .  He moaned, a quiet little cry.  There was no noise loud enough to properly capture this - this fullness, this intimacy - so Loki didn't try. ****  
** **

_Take him!_ Thor grit his teeth. _No. Gently_ . "Stop me whenever you wish. I will keep going." Deeper. ****  
** **

"Another," Loki breathed.  He needed at least three, he judged, to get close to the width of... _that_ . ****  
** **

Thor had it in him before he could think it. He gasped; at the feeling and his own actions. ****  
** **

Loki gasped, in startlement rather than pain. "Oh, that's..." he exhaled.  "Good." Warm with just a teasing edge of pleasure. ****  
** **

"You drive me mad. I want to bury myself in you." Thor took himself in hand. He had to _calm_ . He was losing control of his body as well as his mouth. ****  
** **

That was... that was power, wasn't it. And power was exciting. That, combined with _Thor_ ... "Need you," Loki panted. "Need you in me." ****  
** **

By all the realms, he was only flesh and blood. Thor pulled his fingers out with a yell, shifting upwards and lifting Loki's hips as he pushed inside. ****  
** **

Loki's voice left him, his eyes big with surprise and pain, grabbing at the sheet on his cot. Impossibly big! And so slick, so full, utterly impaled. ****  
** **

"I have hurt you," he gasped. _Tight_ . _Near-painful_ . ****  
** **

"It's fine," Loki gasped. "Don't stop." He couldn't bear to be empty, now! ****  
** **

No, but neither could he disobey. "All right." Slowly. Pace it right. ****  
** **

Loki gasped. It was too much. It was just enough.  It was pain and pleasure and Thor - and gods, nothing felt as right, as much like the man, as unbearable pain coupled with unbearable pleasure. ****  
** **

"Gods help me..." So tight. Unbearable. ****  
** **

"We're the gods." Or the devils, in his case - he had heard enough around the villages to know that, now.  And he should damn well act like it. He forced himself to meet Thor's eyes, to keep _himself_ from getting lost in all of this delirious sensation. ****  
** **

"You are." The eyes! So familiar now, glinting green deep within the blue. Thor was lost. ****  
** **

" _We_ ."  Together.  Joined. Like _this_ .  Loki squeezed Thor slightly inside of him, and practically blacked out from the overwhelming sensation. ****  
** **

"We," Thor gasped, trying to move. It was too overwhelming to be pleasure. ****  
** **

Yes.   _Them_ .  Loki closed his eyes, succumbing to it, letting himself be filled and overwhelmed.  He braced his elbows against the bed. ****  
** **

"Rule with me." ****  
** **

"Yes."  Whatever Thor wanted.  Rule who? It didn't matter, not now. ****  
** **

"Together." Loki! Surrounding him, holding him, keeping him breathing. ****  
** **

So big, gods, so thick! Loki couldn't _think_ .  And that was a blessing.  "Thor," he whimpered. ****  
** **

"Yes." A little farther. ****  
** **

"Thor," Loki gasped, grabbing the man's hips.  "Thor, something's happening." It felt like orgasm building in him, but so much _more_ . ****  
** **

"What?" He stopped moving, looking down in panic. "What's wrong?" ****  
** **

"Thor!"  Loki cried, grabbing Thor, shoving him deeply inside, orgasm consuming him with bright lights taking over his vision _(rainbows, rushing past his head)_ . ****  
** **

"Wh..." _Oh!_ "Gods... Loki...!" Thor pulsed in, gasping, coming hard. ****  
** **

Loki grasped himself with one hand and Thor with the other, whimpering, his eyes stinging.  Light, _speed_ , spires, green and gold, a hint of a memory of a name... ****  
** **

"Loki..." Thor leaned down, resting his brow on his. ****  
** **

"Thor," Loki panted.  "Norns..." What were norns? ****  
** **

"What did you say?" Thor perked up. ****  
** **

"N... norns.  It just felt like something to say." Loki frowned. ****  
** **

"It is a saying of our people." Thor kissed him, gently. "You are remembering."

"What is _Asgard_ ?" Loki hazarded. ****  
** **

"Yes!" Thor beamed. "Our home; you remember!" ****  
** **

"Our home."  Loki closed his eyes and shook his head.  "I just saw lights, green and gold, and a rainbow, and felt that word." ****  
** **

"The path there; the bifrost, on which we travel, is the color of rainbows." Thor put a hand on Loki's cheek. "The green and gold... you favored those colors." ****  
** **

Loki strained, focused, but had to stop and shake his head.  "Nothing there," he said, frustrated, pawing at an empty well.  "Nothing else." ****  
** **

"Don't over-exert yourself. It will come." ****  
** **

"So many months, to have two words and some light," Loki replied, irritated. ****  
** **

"All in one day. Less than one hour!" He was still inside him. Still surrounded by Loki, who was alive, and living, and _remembering_ . Thor nearly wept with joy. ****  
** **

Loki looked down at that impossibly thick penis, still inside of him.  "You're saying we need to do this more." Not the most unpleasant idea. ****  
** **

"Only if you want." He frowned. "Did... you like it?"

Loki looked at Thor, stunned. Then he looked down and started to laugh.  The laugh shook him, which pressed the penis against his insides in different ways, and he gasped, then laughed again. ****  
** **

"What?" Loki, _laughing_ . "What?" His own voice fell into it. ****  
** **

" _Like_ ," Loki wheezed.  "Did I _like_ it.  Was the sun a _bit bright_ when you stared at it?" ****  
** **

"You shouldn't stare at the sun," Thor mused. What was he talking about? "It could easily damage your eyes." ****  
** **

"You know what I meant."  Loki slithered backwards, yelping as Thor's head caught on the way out. ****  
** **

"I was too rough with you. If we take greater care, it can last longer." It felt ridiculous to explain this, but Loki had forgotten. ****  
** **

"I..." Loki looked down, fuming at himself.  "I don't know how long it's supposed to last." ****  
** **

"There is no _supposed_ . But it's-" wasn't it obvious? "good, so I try to make it last longer." ****  
** **

"All right." Loki would have to do some more research. How long was normal? How was it supposed to go? ****  
** **

_There_ was a familiar look. "No, come now. This is not a problem for you to solve." Thor kissed him, to not have to look at those brooding eyes. ****  
** **

"Life is a series of problems to solve," Loki disagreed. Particularly pressing at the moment was _Who am I?_ ****  
** **

"So you always seemed to think."

"Yes. And it seems borne out." Loki shrugged. "You need food, I'd think?" he asked, looking at his brother's bulk. ****  
** **

"I can go without." _That was not really the question_ . "But would like to eat." ****  
** **

"I have a little here." Loki stood with care.  He was sore, his legs unsteady. ****  
** **

"You never seemed to care much for food, one way or another..." ****  
** **

"That seems right." Loki shrugged. "And they gave me naught here that requires anything sharp to prepare." Dried meat, dried fruit, water, milk, soft cheese. ****  
** **

"I always hoped to persuade you otherwise. Food can be a delight." ****  
** **

"Pleasure in excess dulls one's edge," Loki replied, firmly, pulling out some dried meat and cheese. ****  
** **

"I never said anything about excess." ****  
** **

"No, but I fear it." Loki brought the plate to the small table in that same main room. ****  
** **

Thor stretched, a long settled kink in his neck slowly dissolving as he did. He felt... Renewed. "There are," he said, making his way to the table, "those who would be surprised to hear you say that."  ****  
** **

"Such as?" Loki perched on one of the two stools that stood beside the small table. ****  
** **

"They called you a hedonist, in the court." He stood by the back of a chair. "Some did. Stupid people."  ****  
** **

"Hm," Loki said, thoughtfully. It didn't sound _wrong_ . "Perhaps only in some ways." ****  
** **

"I like it," Thor realized. Never having thought about it. "It's rare to see you enjoying yourself, but when you do..." ****  
** **

Loki licked a spare bit of cheese from his finger and raised an eyebrow. ****  
** **

Thor faltered. "Uh." Loki. No other thoughts.  ****  
** **

"What?" Loki asked, frowning. ****  
** **

"Nothing." He stared at Loki's finger, still slightly extended. Knowing he was... knowing he _could_ , just made everything Loki did intensely sexual.

Loki filed that away to deal with it later. "I'm well enough to not be trapped here anymore," he noted. "What are we doing about Thanos?" He picked up a scrap of dried meat, worrying it to strips in his fingers.

"Stark is trying to locate him." Thor had a feeling Shuri might not agree with Loki's diagnosis, but he knew enough to keep that to himself.

"Who is Stark?" Loki asked, irritated, tearing at the meat. ****  
** **

"A friend. An ally. Uh, perhaps you should see those holos..." Thor had to sit down. He couldn't handle this. Any of it. He stared at the meat.

"Let me guess, he hates me for something terrible I did," Loki said, blandly. ****  
** **

"He's a pragmatic man. He sees your value." There was, of course, the small matter of Thor not having told anyone about Loki being back.  ****  
** **

"And what _is_ my value?" Loki asked, tartly. ****  
** **

"You are a skilled fighter. A sorcerer beyond compare. Few can see through your illusions."  Illusions. A dull, distant note of familiarity.   ****  
** **

"That is enough to overcome his mistrust of me?" Loki asked. ****  
** **

"And I stand behind you."  ****  
** **

"Perhaps," the piece of meat was entirely shredded, and Loki dropped it, "if you have to challenge the understanding of _all_ of your friends, it's not _their_ understanding that's flawed." ****  
** **

"You are not the only one with regrets."  ****  
** **

"I don't have regrets, Thor.” Mere vague sensations of _something horrible_ were not enough to engender true regret.  “You have them on my behalf." ****  
** **

Thor's jaw set. "Watch the holos." He was no longer hungry. He looked around for his trousers.  ****  
** **

Loki walked over to the tablet and picked it up. "Shuri told me the body count. But I don't _remember_ ." ****  
** **

"And perhaps you won't. You were not yourself." ****  
** **

"So you say. But nobody seems to have been _surprised_ at what I did, based on past behavior." All of the death that she had shown him. "Even you." ****  
** **

"Yes. Well. Thanos chose you for a reason." Thor sighed, working at his trouser-fastenings. "But we should have been. There is a difference between betraying family and staging a coup, and... New York." ****  
** **

"Betraying you.  A coup. These are not minor." Loki awakened the tablet with his finger. ****  
** **

Thor sat on the bed. He did not particularly want to relive this.  ****  
** **

_The battle of New York_ , Shuri had called it. Loki called up a search. ****  
** **

The first result was a narrated account - how odd. A blonde woman describing the events in such a dispassionate, uncaring voice - _invasion_ , she noted, _authorities at a loss_ , she added blandly, _hundreds, possibly thousands dead_ , her eyes artfully wide, _evacuate immediately_ ... ****  
** **

And a far-off look at... it must be him. Loki _knew_ , immediately, viscerally. Him, but _magnificent_ . Green and gold, as Thor had said.  A crown, a scepter, like a king... ****  
** **

A wave of emotion so powerful that Loki couldn't breathe washed over him. ****  
** **

He was too still. Thor turned, looking at him fully. He was so, so still, but his breathing hitched _like on the ship._ No. Quiet. Eyes so wide, they might swallow the flickering images whole. Thor opened his mouth, but thought better of it.  ****  
** **

"I resented you powerfully, brother," Loki said, quietly. ****  
** **

"I know."  ****  
** **

"Your throne. Your crown. The way everyone _loved_ you. Everyone." ****  
** **

"You remember..." Thor sat up.  ****  
** **

"And I did THIS because I'd rather be feared than ignored." Loki leaped to his feet, throwing the tablet against the wall. It shivered into fragments. ****  
** **

" _Not_ by your own will. You were under the influence-" ****  
** **

"I BREAK THINGS," Loki yelled in his face. ****  
** **

Thor stood fast. This, he knew. This, he could take. "And you were broken." ****  
** **

"I did that. That was my will!" Loki yelled in his face, pointing at the fragments of the tablet.  The video it had been showing. ****  
** **

"I have done worse, in anger." He nearly accidentally killed a goat, once.  ****  
** **

"Worse than destroy a CITY?" ****  
** **

"You _wanted_ that? Is that what you're telling me? You willingly, knowingly killed thousands?"  ****  
** **

Confusion.  A swirl of conflicting emotions.  A crown. Magnificence. Respect. _Murder_ .  "I... w... wanted that." ****  
** **

"Stay with me." Thor grabbed him by the arms. "Stay here, Loki." ****  
** **

"I killed them."  Loki tried to wrench himself out of Thor's arms.  "Even the ones I wanted to save, I killed." No memory there, just another aching chasm of _missing_ , but a deep, profound knowledge that this was _true_ . ****  
** **

"Why? Do you know why?" ****  
** **

"No!  I don't remember!" Thor's grip was iron.  Loki tore at his arms. ****  
** **

Thor let go. "I'll stop telling you what to think. Gods know you've had enough of that." ****  
** **

"I don't know who I am."  Loki flung himself onto the bed.  "I wanted that. I wanted that magnificence."  But at that cost... "It all went out of control so quickly.  So quickly." ****  
** **

"Yes. It did."  ****  
** **

"I didn't know there would be so much death!  I thought they would see the army, I would do my magic, and that would be all, and it wasn't enough, and the fighting started..." And Loki's bloodlust had taken over. ****  
** **

Thor kneeled by the bed. He had wanted, so many times, to hear this. Now... he closed his eyes.

"Everyone believed I was capable of it," Loki said through his teeth.  "Even me."

"It took me a while. I knew something was wrong. I did nothing to stop it. I thought asking would be enough. I didn't understand."  ****  
** **

Fragments of memories, little bursts, like blood oozing from a ripped-off scab.  "I'm a monster. I _made_ myself a monster." ****  
** **

"Not to me."  ****  
** **

"To all of your _friends_ ."  A gut-wrenching surge of resentment.   _Friends_ .  A form came to him from his abyss of _remembering nothing_ \- tall, sturdy, handsome, dressed in tight blue, bulges of muscles and penis, a circular shield on his arm.  An illusion, yes, cast over his own body. Not real. ****  
** **

"He's here, you know." Thor nodded at the strangely warped Steve Rogers.  ****  
** **

"I hate him." Loki let the illusion disappear.  Why, he did not remember. ****  
** **

"You won't see him, he keeps to himself."  ****  
** **

"Good." Loki pulled his knees to his chest.  "Did he fight me?" ****  
** **

"We all did." Thor smiled. "You stabbed me."  ****  
** **

"I did."  An odd, powerful surge of affection. That was odd. ****  
** **

"You do that a lot. Ever since we were children."  ****  
** **

"It feels like love." ****  
** **

Thor said nothing. He patted his side, just where the knife had gone in. His other hand sought Loki's, or any part of him. Anything.  ****  
** **

Thor's hand found his shoulder.  Loki shivered. "Maybe I should keep this."  He scratched his beard. "Maybe I should look less like myself."  No gold, no green, no crown, no magnificence. Nothing to remind anyone else - or him - of who he was, what he had done. ****  
** **

"Make something new. You're good at that." He looked up, egged on by the part of Loki that always rubbed off on him. "I'd prefer to see more of your face, though."  ****  
** **

"I'll think about it." But Loki felt like hiding _himself_ .  Putting out a new face. "The blue one.  Would they prefer it?" ****  
** **

"They wouldn't know it."  ****  
** **

"So we'll lie to them?"  Loki nodded. That, too, felt right for him.  For who he was. ****  
** **

"I'd prefer not, but I will stand by you." Never a question.  ****  
** **

"Fine, then tell them it's me in another guise," Loki sighed, frustrated.  "Tell them I was reborn, but fundamentally unchanged." ****  
** **

"I will support you," Thor said again. "Do as you wish."  ****  
** **

Loki closed his eyes, feeling his flesh _slip_ and _alter_ and _change_ , the basic composition as well as the outer appearance.  It had just happened, before, but now - it was a conscious choice.  His chemistry altered, a colder one, yet more volatile. Different metals in his blood.  Dead horns from his head, a different sort of crown, living tissue nestled at its base. Scars on his flesh, tight and secure.  A body like a home he had not visited in hundreds of years, familiar and yet distanced, filled with cobwebs. It pushed cold outwards against the heat of their locale.  "This form, too, has done evil." He could feel it. Lesser, yes, but there. ****  
** **

"That form?" That was _not_ what Thor had seen, in glimpses, in shadows. "How? When?" ****  
** **

"You ask _me_ ," Loki said, tightly. "I was hoping you remembered. Had _video_ ." ****  
** **

"Not this form. A lesser one." This was... Magnificent.  ****  
** **

"Lesser. I don't understand." ****  
** **

"You didn't have the horns, for one."  ****  
** **

Loki shrugged. "I don't remember either way." This was just what felt right. ****  
** **

"It suits you."  ****  
** **

"Then I'll keep it, for now. And shave my beard." A concession.  Loki scratched at it, irritated. ****  
** **

"Hey, Big guy!" The door flew open. "I didn't see you in your hut, so I figured you might..." Rocket froze. He looked up. "What the everloving fuck is that??"  ****  
** **

"What in Helheim is that... rabbit?" Loki wrinkled his nose at it. It smelled foul. ****  
** **

"Thor, why is there an _actual demon_ here." ****  
** **

"This... is..." Thor looked to Loki desperately for a cue.  ****  
** **

Demon.  Well, then.  Loki could work with that.  "Thor summoned me," Loki told the creature, blandly. ****  
** **

"Oh yeah?" Rocket sniffed the air. Smelled like sex and... jerky?  "Thor.  You're not going to introduce me to your _friend_ ?" ****  
** **

"Uh, rabbit, this is... Demon." ****  
** **

Rocket put a paw over his face. "Oh my god. Was he always this terrible a liar?"  ****  
** **

Thor couldn't hold a lie for thirty seconds? "I wouldn't know, but I'd guess _yes_ . I'm his brother." ****  
** **

"Never would have guessed. I mean he said you were adopted, but I can definitely see the resemblance."  ****  
** **

Loki folded himself into a seated position on the cot, resigned. "And are your another of Shuri's agents?" Here to keep a shifty, mangy eye on Loki? ****  
** **

"Me? Hah!" Rocket leaned against one of the chairs. It smelled like... OK, he didn't want to think about what that smelled like. "I work alone." ****  
** **

"I'm not surprised," Loki deadpanned. Unless it was _friendly_ in the local culture to barge into other people's houses unannounced. ****  
** **

"Your brother's a real charmer," he groused. ****  
** **

"He's been through a lot." ****  
** **

"Including having a rabbit break into my house," Loki noted. ****  
** **

"Oh this is _your_ house. Beg your pardon." ****  
** **

"Is it yours, then?" Loki shot back. ****  
** **

"Nah, I've got a pad over by the airfield. If that's what it is. They let me tinker with the engines." ****  
** **

"Good. Sounds like a perfect place for you." Loki stood. This fellow was very _familiar_ with Thor.  It grated on him. ****  
** **

"Right. Anyway..." Rocket looked to Thor. "Stark's looking for you. Said something about a new non-human lifesign here in Wakanda. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, should you." ****  
** **

Loki coughed the word _demon_ and looked to Thor. ****  
** **

"Look, it's none of my business. But I don't think you're going to be able to keep Blueberry Cupcakes over there a secret for very much longer." ****  
** **

Loki sighed and waved his hand. He wasn't sure why or how, but somehow, the very tips of every hair on the rabbit's body froze instantly, covering it with a thin coating of ice.  Maybe that would quiet it down. ****  
** **

"Hey!" ****  
** **

"Loki...!" Thor cried.  It was a small, fragile creature. Its teeth chattered! ****  
** **

"I'm sorry, I thought you liked blueberries."  Loki summoned a wind to blast the ice from the rabbit with a gesture.  As long as he didn't _think_ about it, it all came to him, he marveled.  Was it inborn, or habit so often drilled that it came without thought? ****  
** **

"K... Kid's got talent," Rocket shivered.  ****  
** **

"See, brother," Loki sighed, "I have impressed a rabbit.  Now will I impress this 'Stark' as easily?" ****  
** **

"If you two want to keep up the pretense you're not related, you better stop calling me that."  ****  
** **

"What is your name, then, good rodent?" Loki asked with exaggerated civility. ****  
** **

"I'm Rocket. Thanks for asking," he raised an eyebrow in Thor's direction. "I'm warming to this guy. So to speak. Do you have a name then," he asked Loki.  ****  
** **

"Apparently, I do," Loki answered. ****  
** **

"Apparently? What's going on here?"  ****  
** **

"He's the king." Loki waved at Thor. "Ask him." ****  
** **

"Odinsson," Thor said, not looking at him. "Loki Odinsson, flesh of Laufey, God of Mischief, King of Asgard and Jotunheim."  ****  
** **

"Better than I thought," Loki noted approvingly. "Where my subjects are, though, I have no idea." ****  
** **

"Some might still be alive." Somewhere. "It is my fondest hope."  ****  
** **

"Yeah, well, you better put some pants on, Odinsson." Rocket's nose twitched. "Tony's big on that. Believe me, he gave me a look once when I called him on the vidcom without 'em."  ****  
** **

Perhaps, if Thor's massive member were not present, Loki might have swung his own insouciantly and refused. But it dampened his spirits for genital-based humor. He grabbed his rough trousers from the floor.  ****  
** **

"You too, big guy."

Thor nodded. Life was moving on. A strange thing to imagine.


	3. Chapter 3

"Still looks like before," Tony noted, staring out of the window at the magnificent buildings rearing up from the lush green setting. "From up here, at least."

"Not from down there," the Wakanden pilot replied. "Our Queen has done well to unite and soothe the people, give them tasks, give them hope. We fare better than most countries. Yet we are still devastated."

"Yeah." The easy defensiveness of bad jokes, sexual innuendos, did not come to him. He was just…  _out_ of them. "Looking forward to seeing her again." But not T'Challa. Not Peter. Not... not _too many people._

 

* * *

 

 "My queen..."

"Yes?" Shuri merely smiled, walking briskly down the stairs to the platform.

"There is yet time, if you wish..." The courtier looked at her, helplessly.

"I don't catch your meaning." She held his eye. He swallowed, slowing a little.

"I know this is not a time for ceremony, but even in these trying times, we must maintain-"

"Must maintain what?"

"Decorum," he managed. "With respect, majesty, you are wearing a lab coat. And," he gestured at her feet, "whatever those are."

"They are called Crocs, and I find them comfortable."

"They are bright purple. My queen?"

She had already brushed past him.

 

* * *

 

The technology on display on just this little landing pad practically made Tony drool as he left the swift little flier. It let him forget, just for a moment, why he was here, what happened... he slipped on his glasses, recording a few key details.

"Tony!" Shuri rushed up to him, glad to see a familiar face. So often, there would only be a bland representative and a video call.

"Queen Shuri." What did one do with Queens? It was sort of the point of being an American, not having to deal with that! He managed an awkward half-bow.

"Oh, stop that." She gave him a hug. "It's so nice to see you in person again."

"Oh, good, I hate  _that_  flavor of formalities." He hugged her tightly. "You," he said, leaning back slightly and pointing at her accusingly, "have been hiding aliens from me."

She started. "Aliens?" What had she missed? She'd messed up! She promised her brother, she told him every day she would fight with her mind and her body to protect their people, and she’d failed! The moment of panic was gone, and she settled enough to hear his answer.

"Or maybe you didn't know? There's a non-terrestrial being here in Wakanda. My satellites detected it. It's not Thor, and it's not the raccoon. But don't worry, milady, I came prepared." He tugged his suit jacket into place.

Her eyes widened. Could it be... "Ah. Prepared?"

"My little nano friends," Tony said cheerfully, holding up his hand. They flashed a bit of red to show that they were there, that they were ready. Arc reactor and bots in an undershirt, now, to take with him anywhere. "If it's hostile, of course. If not, these bad boys make a mean Moscow Mule."

"I think," Shuri said thoughtfully, "I might take them up on that. Follow me."

"I am at your service, your Majesty!" Every jibe was colored, now, by who  _wasn't_  there to hear it. He rubbed his greying beard thoughtfully as he followed.

"We do have," she said, once they were settled in her lab, and Tony had gotten a good look at her latest research, "a guest here. However, given that this person is a patient of sorts, there is privacy to consider."

"A patient? All right, you win. I'm intrigued. Your privacy is safe, I pinky-swear not to tell anyone." He raised his left pinky.

She smiled and shook her head. "A veteran of the war. Badly hurt. We didn't think we could help, initially."

"But you did, because you are utterly magnificent."

Oh, he was charming. If he'd been a little younger, more her type... "We did. But it is the sort of injury where time and care is paramount."

"Are you thinking I'll interfere? I assure you, my reputation as a playboy is substantially exaggerated." He paused. "Mostly by me."

"I can't really say more."

"Well, I'll just pop by and take a look. I'm just _crazy_ curious about visitors to our planet."

Screw it. "Tony, you know him."

"Well, that's quite the insight. I know him - what, from high school? Band camp? A bad date?"

"He has family here," she added, cautiously. "He's been making incredible progress from the moment they got involved. His memory was more or less gone."

Tony leaned forward. She was a Queen, yes, but after everything that happened, all of the pain, all of the loss, all so raw - he wasn't in the mood for games. "What is this, the worst episode of the $10,000 pyramid ever? Shuri, who is it?"

This was not going well. Then again, he could more than take care of himself, especially with Thor in tow. "It's Loki."

That name stabbed Tony straight through his heart. For a moment, just a moment, he froze, _remembering_. His city,  _his_ goddam city, full of life, full of people - smashed, destroyed,  _raped_ , so much death, screaming people covered in debris and blood. For weeks, months afterwards, walking past impromptu shrines to those gone, walking past shattered walls plastered with desperate pleas to find lost mothers, lovers, siblings,  _babies_. And that man was the cause of it all.  _Asgardian justice_ indeed. Tony remembered those soulless eyes, meeting his over the gag, an unspoken promise to come back and finish the job. The Prince of Lies, Thor had called him - and Shuri believed him when he protested his innocence? Tony called the nanobots to do their thing. "Sorry, Highness, there's going to be an international incident," he told her, tightly, as they formed the suit around him.

"Mr. Stark." Her brother was not the only commander of armies. Shuri's rule was one forged in battle, and had not forgotten for one single moment. She rose, gauntlets forming around her wrists, gently. "He is my patient."

"Your  _patient_ murdered my people." If she killed him for it, if killing Loki was the last thing Stark did, it would be worth it. He flew out of the window at maximum speed.

"Oh god dammit," she swore in Xhosa, running into her command suite.

 

* * *

 

 "Target nonhumans," Tony ordered, and the display came up for him. The closest sign was not far at all. On a road leading to the palace. Three together... "Magnify." Thor, the raccoon... and was that supposed to be a disguise? Blue skin, horns, a beard? Was this the Asgardian equivalent of a Groucho nose? It didn't matter, he'd recognize that inhumanly tall bastard, that _face_ , anywhere. He raised his hands and targeted it with a narrow stream of plasma. Burn him where he stood, give Thor a little more of a tan. Maybe the man wouldn't make a scene. He didn't seem torn up by the loss of his _adopted_ brother the last time Tony had seen him, after all.

Loki watched the red streak fly out of the palace ahead. It looked... familiar. A bad familiar. All of his senses tingled with readiness, and when the fire came towards him - instinct, again, kicked in. He felt the molecules of air between his hands, and he knew, somehow, how to  _stop_ them from vibrating. To propagate the stillness, move it towards the red figure’s beam. A cone of absolute zero radiated from his hands, meeting the white-hot flame, pausing it.

"Loki,  _no_!" Thor threw himself at Loki with his full weight, trying to shift the attack.

Well, that sucked, Tony grumbled internally. He wasn't there to harm Thor! He broke off the attack, and while Loki reeled from cutting off his own retaliation, he flew in low and hard, catching the horned beast around his waist, sending them both tumbling backwards.

"Oh boy." Rocket pulled back, keeping a safe distance from this particular pissing contest.

"Stark!" Thor shaded his eyes; it was impossible to strike either of them and not hit the other. The sky rumbled as he paced, frustrated.

Anger consumed Loki. He grabbed the metal man, pouring every iota of  _cold_  he had into it, freezing it solid, then throwing the red icicle as hard as he could. It bounced a little ways away, and... his back was out for a bit. Heavier than it looked, especially coated in ice.

Well, this was going to be a God-fight. Again. Tony flexed his metal body and shattered the icy oversuit, regaining his movement.

There! Thor leaped, covering Loki like a shield, pinning his arms to the ground. "Sorry, brother."

Tony charged up his unibeam. "Out of the way, Point Break."

"Get off of me!" Loki panted, thrashing.

"Both of you, settle down! Loki, this is Stark. The one I told you about?"

"Yes, I noticed he's trying to kill me!"

"Asgardian justice seems to have failed, Thor,” Tony noted. “Time for a little Earth justice."

"He's died twice since then; what more do you want," Thor yelled over his shoulder.

"It didn't seem to stick. I'll give it another go." Tony held up his right hand, beam at the ready.

"He saved my life, on the ark. He gave his life trying to kill Thanos. He gave Heimdall the chance to send Hulk back. He's the reason you knew Thanos was coming!"

Tony landed, letting his helmet fall back to reveal his face. "Human lives don't matter to you, champ?” he asked Thor, spreading his arms with frustration. “We're just a bunch of little worshippers who lost our way?"

"He doesn't remember. He only just saw the battle of New York this morning. He barely remembers  _me_."

"My heart's breaking. Doesn't change what he did." Tony’s face felt frozen in one expression.

"Get off of me," Loki wheezed, pushing at Thor.

"I'm not going to let you kill him. Kill me if you have to."

Tony paused. Thor was his  _friend_. "What's next? Thanos comes traipsing back, we all forgive him because he's made friends with Shuri?"

Thanos's hand, lifting Loki by the neck. The sound of his neck breaking. Thor felt the power come to him from the ground up, white-blue flames licking his legs, his torso, his whole body. He let go, facing Stark without his feet touching the ground. He was of it. Above it; lifted by the force that he commanded. " _He. Is not Thanos_." This voice boomed like a jet in flight, pushing Stark several feet away.

God damn it all to hell. Tony regained his footing and reformed his full suit, running towards Thor. Not again. Not another fight with someone he should be on the same side with, someone defending a  _murderer_.

Loki watched Stark run towards Thor. The Battle of New York. Stark had been there, in the middle of it, hadn’t he. If so, he had seen the true Loki. He had memories untinged with brotherly affection. That was a valuable resource.

Thor held his ground. This was it. He would protect Loki with his life.

Well. It wasn't quite remembering, but it was a close cousin. Skills, seiðr, coming to him as he fished for it, like pulling treasures from murky water. Loki  _pushed_  his voice into Thor's and Stark's ears. "Stop!" He got to his feet.  "I have a proposition."

"Aaw." Rocket put the EMP back in his pack with an air of disappointment. "I had the perfect quip lined up!"

"Apologies, good Rocket, but that's my brother," Loki told him. No need for Thor to take Loki’s punches. Not right now.

"So you keep saying," Rocket mumbled.

"Talk," Stark said, hands still raised and ready. "Make it good."

"Loki?" Thor asked.

"There's a lot to unravel here," Loki noted. "And I am in a singularly poor spot to give any input. However - we have a pressing need, right now, that should make you," he looked to Stark's red figure, "loath to refuse even the help of an enemy. I propose we band together to defeat Thanos.  And if, after that, you are still convinced of my guilt, you can have me."

Tony let himself settle to the ground, his helmet peeling back to reveal his face again. He considered Loki.  "You're asking a lot, Smurfette."

"What did you just call him?" Thor bristled.

"That's probably the nicest thing I've ever called him. I need something more than the word of someone his own brother has called the Prince of Lies."

Loki didn't blame him, truth be told. He didn't trust  _himself_. Why should anyone else?

"That was a bad day. I wasn't sleeping well," Thor replied.

"It works for me,” Tony replied. In keeping with his behavior, and the way he had apparently hoodwinked Thor. “That boy needs a collar and a leash."

"He'd probably be into that," Rocket muttered.

“Not a literal one, surely," Loki noted. And whether he was  _in to that_ rather depended who was on the other end.

"Literal, figurative - preferably, both. Or I start working on ways to bring down a God." Tony was an atheist anyway.

Thor wiped the worst of the dirt off his clothes and stood a little more comfortably. "I lost my entire family, all my friends, and most of my people in the span of months. I understand better than you might imagine."

"All respect, Your Divinity, but you're not acting like it." Tony replied.

"How would you act if one of the people you lost came back?"

"Nobody I lost was a mass murderer,” Tony noted.  _Not like you_ , his conscience hissed at him.

Loki waved a hand. "This is all a lovely discussion, but I don't think it will be resolved any time soon."

"You are  _not_ a mass murderer," Thor told him, having repeated it so many times the response was automatic.

"You're right." The voice approached from the East. "He doesn't let things like that go. Hi Tony," Steve said.

"Oh, great. The gang's all here," Rocket grumbled.

"Great!" Tony spread his arms. He couldn’t deal with this, not now.  _Steve_. Alive, just abruptly  _there_ , as large as life, as serene as ever, his blue eyes cool over a beard that would be ridiculous on anyone else. "It's an 'everyone who's tried to kill Tony' gathering! Who else wants to join in?"

"We have a group meeting every Wednesday. I bring the baked goods. Hey, Thor."

"Steve Rogers."

"Your brother's looking... Less dead. I like the beard though."

"He's being polite," Thor hurried.

"I feel like I tried to kill you, too." Loki scratched at that beard, staring at this big man - almost as big as Thor - with the piercing blue eyes.

"Maybe he's not all bad," Tony told Thor. A horrible thing to say, even by his standards, but it had been a long day. Surely Steve understood.

"I get that a lot," Steve sighed. "But yeah. You tried to kill pretty much all of us. Including Thor."

"Not me," Rocket volunteered.

"I don't remember," Loki sighed.

"I don't quite believe you," Tony noted. "So do you agree to a binding?"  This, he could focus on. Something specific, something less acutely emotional to deal with.

"That depends on its nature," Loki rejoined. He did not want to be bound.  But... all of those people. The ones in front of him.  _Thor_. Could he do that again? Try to kill them all?

"He is not fully healed," Thor protested. "There is significant brain damage."

"You're telling me." Tony rubbed his chin. "By a strange coincidence, we happen to be near a rather good high-tech lab that might have some options."

"He is already being treated." Thor emphasized the last word.

"Then you'd trust anything his doctors came up with, yea?" Tony asked him.

Loki nodded. This seemed... the best option. Shuri trusted him more than he trusted himself, it seemed.

"Whatever they  _agree_ to do, yes," Thor replied. Shuri would not allow anything unethical.

"Sounds fair to me. Steve, you coming?" Tony asked with a sigh. Please come. I want… to talk.

"Is that a good idea?"

"Well, my own call on  _good ideas_  isn't winning the popular vote today, is it," Tony snapped.

"I actually was genuinely baking some bread. But if you need help with anything, my hut is the last one on the left." He pointed.

"What is this, the Superhero Shady Acres retirement home?" Tony asked.

"It's for the kids. A lot of them are. Um... You know. No families."

Rocket sniffled.

Tony rubbed his forehead with a metal hand that the nanobots considerately made soft for the gesture. "Shit."  Of course Steve was doing good things.  Thinking of others.  Innocents.  Just… in a different way. As always.

"I'm... We're all just trying to live."

Thor turned to Loki.  _A small, screaming bundle, red and angry and dark. 'This is your brother,' Frigga told him_.

"I am, too," Tony said, tightly. "Me and everyone in my hometown."  They depended on him a little too much, these days. His abilities were severely limited compared to their needs.

"I said I was here to help, when I came back. I meant that. I still do. So." Steve tried a smile. "Last hut on the left."

"I'm making a lot of strange bedfellows," Tony noted. "But I want that purple nutsack  _dead_." Peter, young, trusting Peter, wide-eyed with shock, turning to dust in his arms, even as he tried to hold the boy, protect him...

"He snapped Loki's spine in front of me. He knew we were allied. That things were healed between us. He bound me. Gagged me. Forced me to watch."

Loki touched the back of his neck. He didn't remember that. But he remembered pain, there, when he was locked in the plastic box...

Rocket's ears picked up. He'd been through that? He’d known it was bad, but holy shit. What was he like when he  _wasn’t_  battling crippling grief?  

Tony bit his lip. "You realize I'm finding this hard to internalize. That one allied himself with Thanos!" He pointed at the chilly version of Loki. When villains turned on each other in the comic books, it was generally considered just desserts.

Thor shook his head. Too many memories. He sat down. Too much. Rocket wandered over.

"I will go with you, metal man," Loki told Tony. He needed to have some agency, after all. This was clearly too much for Thor.

"You all right, Blondie?" Tony asked, with buried affection.

"He'll be all right," Rocket told him, a hand on Thor's giant shoulders. "He gets like that sometimes."

"You will stay with him?" Loki asked, jealously, as Tony locked a metal hand around his wrist.

"Yeah, I will. Settle down, we're not planning a spring wedding. You weren't here for a long time, and then you were out of it. Someone had to make sure he ate now and then and actually slept."

"You cared for my brother, Rocket?" Loki asked, startled.

"Of course I did!" His whiskers twitched in irritation. "Someone had to."

"Thank you, good rabbit." Loki stumbled off in Tony's wake.

"I was in space," Tony told him, tightly. Why was he saying this? He owed this monster no explanation. "I only arrived back two weeks ago. I just learned Thor was here."

A small entourage of medical personnel and guards met them at the entrance, the former of which was only recognizable by the fact that they were just slightly less armed than the latter. From between the two, Shuri emerged.

"Well. You promised me an international incident."

"Yeah, I promise women more than I can deliver - a lot. That's where the technology comes in." He winked as the bots obligingly disassembled his suit.

"Just what exactly are you proposing to do to my  _patient_ ,” she eyed him, stabbing him with the word. “He's still undergoing complicated medical treatment."

"I'd expect nothing less than very, very complicated from you guys.” He met her blazing eyes with his own. “We've come up with a little agreement.  He'll be a nice boy and I'll have a little collar - literal or figurative - just in case he's not."

Loki nodded. It was workable, after all, as long as... "Thor will have the controller."

"We didn't discuss that part," Tony turned to him, his hand falling away from that skinny, chilly wrist.

"Loki." She turned to him. This was important. They were going down this road no matter, what; she could see that. But they were going to go  _her_ way. "If I don't tell him, he's going to try to find out anyway. I can do my best to stop him. However, if you're ok with it, may I discuss some details of your trauma with him? It might be the far less painful path.

Loki drew himself upright. "I'm not a child," he said tartly, "and I'm not an imbecile. We came up with a perfectly workable solution." One that would... assuage some of his own fears, as well.

"And you are not a neurologist, nor a microbiologist, nor a nano-engineer," she barked at him. "Stark; Loki's trauma was closely connected with confinement, in ways we are still figuring out. He does not respond well to it. He may regress, and not in a good way. People could get hurt."

"Yeah, uh - I don't respond well to him trying to raze my city to the ground, you know?" Tony scratched his nose. "I know everyone feels so sorry for him because it was Thanos's fault, but we had some trials a little while back about whether 'just following orders' is a good excuse for murder. I won't spoil them for you if I tell you the outcome?"

"I don't know if you've noticed," she fixed her eyes on Stark's, "but we have a city as well. Would you like that razed to the ground too, because this fool has a psychotic break and thinks he's back under Thanos's control?"

"You're not making a case for putting him under  _less_ control," Tony noted. "Have you been right about everything, ever? There's  _zero_ chance that this one could get a whiff of purple and go back to his murdering ways?"

"Never. Which is exactly my point. We have to exercise extreme caution. We don't know what will happen." She threw a glance at Loki's blue, icy body. "I didn't know  _that_ could happen."

"If Thor controls it," Loki noted, "and if it is not physically... onerous, I may find it helpful." He didn't want to be a murderer. Not again.

She cocked her head. "That may be a point. You respond extremely well to Thor's influence. I can see the difference in your brain when you've spoken to him." This, now... what had triggered  _that_?

"So, there we go,” Tony replied. “I want it, Grumpy Doc Manhattan wants it. Let's do it."

"You agree to give Thor control?" She trusted Loki more than Stark, truthfully. Loki didn't know enough to lie yet.

"Yes," Loki said, firmly. "Until we've dealt with Thanos."

"I'm not asking you," she nodded at Stark. "I'm asking him."

Tony shrugged. "Better than nothing." Thor might hesitate in the moment, but at least he wasn't  _Loki_.

"All right." She threw her arms wide. "Let's give it a shot!"

Tony gestured elaborately in her direction as she walked away. Loki raised his chin and followed her with as much dignity as he could muster when wearing only a scrappy set of trousers.

"And for god's sake; someone get that man some proper clothes!"

"What? I like my clothes." Tony adjusted his suit. “Not as colorful as your getup, but it’s Italian…”

"Not you." She grinned, knowing he would hear it in her voice. He always seemed to.

"Good. I would be so devastated to have my dress sense impugned by a paragon of fashion like yourself..." And she was, indeed. A paragon of just about everything positive one could think of.  Except, in the sole instance of this blue fellow, good sense. Did she... did she find Loki  _attractive_? Tony knew all too well the appeal of the  _bad boy_...

Loki sat back down in that familiar chair again to be scanned, somewhat mollified by the pad that Shuri gave him to design a new set of clothes. He looked death at Tony until the man got the hint and moved to bother Shuri instead, then focused on his clothing.  Trousers and tunic that were darker blue than his skin, almost black. Sheer and airy - Loki would never be  _cold_ in this body, he was certain - and fitted closely, leaving his arms bare to cast seiðr. Sturdy black boots. A belt and epaulets that were... Well, why not. Gold.

"All done?” Shuri noted. “Press that button, and we can have it made for you."

"Hm." They all dressed in such colorful finery, here. But Loki was not of them, quite clearly, and not of Thor, either. This felt right, to him. He pressed the button.

"All right..." Tony circled the machine that was creating the clothing, trying to look into its workings, "you guys just took 3D printing and blew it right out of the water, didn't you."

"We do our best," Shuri replied, slightly distracted. Loki's brain was... Completely different. What has he done since he was here last?

"I'd like to get rid of this, too." Loki scratched at his bead.

"Good choice, kid. Not everyone can pull one off," Tony noted.

"Get him a depilator." She grinned at Tony.

"You know, I could use one of those for my junk." Tony touched the trousers that had been extruded from the machine. Somewhere,some silkworms were dying of jealousy.

"I don't want to know, Stark. But I'll get you one."

"Excellent." He'd take a vegetable peeler from Wakanda if he could. Their technology was mind-blowing.  "What's the deal with this one?" He wandered over to look at the 3-D map of Loki's brain. He wasn't a biologist, so all he could tell was that it looked... brain... y. The rough shape of a human's, really.  Maybe more bulgy at the front?

Shuri laughed. "You're going to have to be more specific."

"I don't want him reading my brain," Loki growled, pointing at Stark.

"Hey, I'm just looking for the murdery bits!" Tony raised his hands defensively.

"Don't worry, he has no idea what he's looking at." It had taken her a while to find her way around.

"I think I'm getting it!" Tony pointed. "That's the murdery bit, that's the Evil Monolog, and there's the Uncomfortably Attracted To Thor region."

"If she could shock the bit that makes me laugh," Loki noted, "I might enjoy your jokes."

"All right, settle down and let me work." Shuri told him.

"Right." Tony tried not to stare. The monster who had invaded his city, just sitting there. Like anything else he came across, he couldn't help wondering how it worked. What made it tick. Those red eyes were almost over-the-top cliché - and inscrutable.

"Looking for the monster, Stark?" Shuri asked.

"I am, as well," Loki noted, quietly.

"Don't even try to make me like you." Tony pointed at him. "Not gonna happen."

"He keeps asking. I keep telling him; that's not how brains work."

"It's how machines work," Tony replied.

"If only we were all so straightforward." What a boring world it would be.

"More's the pity. So what was it like, blue man group? Invading Manhattan, I mean?"

"I don't remember."

"Bullshit." Tony snapped.

"He's not lying," Shuri replied.

"Mind like a steel sieve?" Tony asked, testily.

"They tell me I died," Loki told him. Those disconcerting red eyes didn't blink.

"He did,” Shuri added, firmly. “Thor is the only reason we kept trying. We didn't think brains could recover like that."

Tony crossed his arms. "Wait - so he died and came back to life? Oh,  _please_ tell me it was three days later! I need to blow Cap's goddam mind."

"I don't get it." Shuri frowned.

Tony clapped his hands with a laugh. "And he's a God, too! It's perfect."

"He's not a god, Stark."

Loki raised his eyebrows. "You never know. I could be a very dodgy one."

Shuri shook her head. "Nope. Gods don't bleed. And I've seen you bleed."

"You know, he has a point," Tony said, thoughtfully. "Jesus bled. Kind of a big deal for Steve's kind! Once we've cleaned up the purple problem, I want to start a theological crisis."

"Oh, have you decided not to kill me, then?" Loki asked.

Tony shrugged.

"No killing the patient, either. Not while he's in my care."

"And when is he done? When the,” Tony waved at the projection of his brain scan, “purple bits meet the green ones? He seems fine to me."

"When he remembers. He may not."

"So he stays under your protection forever. Nice loophole!" Tony stuck his hands in his pockets, frowning.

"I'm not protecting him. I'm protecting my country. If he doesn't recover..." They would cross that bridge when they came to it. If they came to it.

"Explain how playing high tech Oliver Sacks is protecting your country?" The brain scan really was mesmerizing.

"It's curing him or killing him. And I'm not killing him. I'm not killing anyone, given the choice." There. He forced it out of her. Was he happy?

"It's a lot easier on the battlefield," Tony noted, a little more quietly. Clear right and wrong. Kill or be killed. Not... having to kill this bemused blue fellow in cold blood.

"The point is to avoid another one of those."

"Well, we're going to need at least one more, for Thanos."

"Why a battlefield?" Loki sniffed. "Why not drug him? Steal the glove? Cut his throat while he sleeps?" So many options that weren't... so  _Thor_.

Shuri raised her eyebrows at Stark and nodded to Loki. Not just a risk, is he?

"Mischief, eh," Tony mumbled, thoughtfully. Like they hadn’t tried that, tried to steal the glove, _almost_ succeeded… He watched Loki remove his beard. That face was so familiar, even if it was the wrong color. His nightmares got a little crowded these days, but this one definitely managed to squeeze his way in frequently.

"What made you change? Is this form more familiar?" Shuri asked.

"Neither is more familiar. I wanted a form that didn’t look like the one I had…”

“When you tried to kill all of us,” Tony finished when he trailed off. “Yeah, I got it.  Good move.”

Shuri waved the console shut. "Well, there's extraordinary improvement since last time. Any idea why?"

"Perhaps,” Loki replied. Was getting properly fucked by one’s brother good for the brain?

"Care to elaborate?"

Loki considered. Telling the truth would disconcert Shuri and make Tony off-balance and mistrustful. Not bad, for such a short sentence. “I fucked my brother.”

“Well, at least he’s acting responsibly,” Tony noted, tightly.

"And that's different how?" She frowned.

"Did I do that before?"

"Did he do that before?" Tony asked, incredulously. Thor, of all people, should have higher standards!

"I just assumed..." Shuri trailed off. Thor certainly treated him like a lover.

"He said we haven't." Was Thor lying?

"No matter. Either way, it did a number on you."

"Sex fixes the brain?” Tony asked. “That's my new pick-up line."  _Pepper._

"Any highly emotional experience would make an impact." She shrugged. "I'd say keep on doing it, if it helps."

Tony shuddered. Loki flashed him a wicked grin. "Jealous?"

"Nope. Just thinking about all the weight I'll lose from never eating again."

"If you're curious," Loki purred, "I've never had sex with a  _human_..."

Tony waved both hands. "Nope. Nope. Whole lotta nope. The Audacity Of Nope."

"If you two are done flirting, I think we're ready to look at potential restraints."

Loki didn't bother to conceal himself as he shed his coarse trousers and pulled on the fine clothes Shuri had made. They were light, smooth, deliciously comfortable. He felt some small amount of confidence seep in.  "I'm ready."

Shuri motioned for them to follow, leading them to a different area of the airy, spacious lab. "There are a number of options we could try. I'd like to avoid anything medical, if at all possible, which leave us with these." A dais in the middle of the room rose about two feet higher into the air, displaying various devices.

"I had a girlfriend once who had a setup like this." Tony circled around the deceptively simple-looking collars, rings, belts, something that looked like a tiara, a pair of bracelets...

"A choking collar may not be the best option, all things considered." She glanced at Loki. Perhaps… his kind, whoever they were, seemed incredibly resilient. It was just possible that the act of being choked set his system into a state of emergency; reserving oxygen where needed the most, sealing off vital systems, shutting down all non-essential functions. A ultra battery saving mode for the body. It was a working theory. And, if true, would make risking setting it off again even less of a good idea. She certainly wouldn’t mention it to Stark. He might want to _experiment_.

Loki nodded. He didn't remember it, but he'd take their word. He touched the bracelets, feeling the cool metal.

"Especially if Thor is in control. He  _does_ remember. It might make it harder for him to pull the trigger."

"I'm a little iffy on him pulling the trigger as is," Tony agreed. "What do the bracelets do?"

"Lock his arms and hands to his sides. He might still be able to access whatever powers he needs them for, but to a much lesser extent. There's also a field which should constrain him from shifting to a shape that would slip out of them."

"Well, that's awfully mild," Tony sighed. "Better than nothing."

"The circlet is interesting,” What a way to talk about what was, essentially, putting someone in irons. Intellectually, she could understand Stark’s concern, but to put a mentally ill person in restraints? To prevent harm to himself and others. Yes. She understood. But did it have to be quite so… pornographic? “That would effectively render him unconscious."

"That one," Tony said, firmly.

Loki took it in his hands, feeling it, the intricate circuitry below the surface. And in Thor's hands. He would not use it unless Loki was indeed that monster. "All right."

"We can modify the look, if you want.” It would be something; not advertising to the world that he was under restraint. Some little piece of autonomy. “The size will shrink or expand depending on your form, but we can add to it."

"Wrap them around elk-boy's horns," Tony suggested. As if fucking him wasn't a bad enough idea from the get-go - in  _that_ form, impalement seemed a realistic possibility.

"That's dead tissue. It must be connected to the skin."

"Whatever works," Loki replied. This wasn't about  _fashion_.

"It's settled, then.” Shuri relaxed. At least that part was over. “The controls are simple; I can embed them into almost anything."

"Thor's dick, then," Tony noted, laconically.

"You are a child, sometimes."

“Keeps me young at 52."

"That  _is_ young," Loki marveled. A baby, some part of his mind assured him.

"We can't all be immortal space gods." She patted Loki on his shoulder.

Loki frowned thoughtfully. "I don't think I'm immortal."

"We can test that," Tony suggested.

"But we won't. All right; I'll make the adjustments myself. I'll send for Thor when they're ready."

"I'll keep an eye on him until then," Tony noted.

"You'll see things that cannot be unseen," Loki replied.

"Stark, believe me, I have eyes everywhere."

"Really? You look pretty good, considering. I would have thought seeing them in bed would have been like taking a little peek into the Ark of the Covenant."

Shuri blushed, hoping the lighting and Stark's colonizer eyes would be enough for it not to be noticed. Of course she'd thought about it. And of course, she hadn't. "We allow for some privacy. There's a limit to what they can do inside a shepherd's hut."

"Mister Stark seems oddly interested," Loki noted, adjusting his new belt.

"It's like a train wreck,” Tony replied. “You can't look away."

"Not all Earth societies are as progressive as ours, Odinsson." What the hell. Stark was already unsettled, and she rather enjoyed the idea of pushing him just a little further. It was so silly, after all.

"I'm plenty progressive," Tony countered. "I'd be skeeved out even if this one was a girl."

"Well, that's good to know." And not at all what she’d meant. Still, no surprise there. She clasped her hands together. "If I were to give you access to my drone fleet feed, would that be acceptable?"

"We could hook them in with my bots?" Tony suggested. These babies were wonders when it came to integration.

"If you're done with  _me_ ," Loki noted, "I'm going to find my brother." Talk about ways to kill Thanos. Perhaps that would kill the murderer in his head?

"You are always free to go." She didn't even glance at Stark. This was  _her_ kingdom.

Loki nodded curtly at Tony and swept out of the room, feeling the man's eyes on his back.  

 

* * *

 

Loki made his way down to the ground floor, then down the massive stairs of the palace. Only the mangy creature stood there, showing his teeth to passers-by.  “What ho, good Rocket?"

"What ho yerself." He looked even bigger, with the horns. If Rocket's ancestors had been prey, he might have reacted differently, but they left him with nothing. "Your brother's doing a little better."

"Where will I find him?"

"I left him in your hut, figured he'd want to be there when you came back. Just so you know, he doesn't always say much when he's like this."

"That sounds familiar. Thank you for caring for him, noble rabbit." Loki hurried towards his hut.

"Yeah... thanks, I guess." Rocket sniffed at him. Took all kinds, didn't it?

Loki paused. "You have a sensitive nose, Rocket?"

"What about it?"

"What do  _I_  smell of?"

"Now that you ask... I dunno." He sniffed again, considering. "Never smelled anything like it."

"Not like my brother."

"No, not exactly. But similar." Why was he asking? Who didn’t know what they smelled like? Wait, no. He took that back. Most humanoids, come to that.

"Interesting." He would have to keep this in mind. He turned to a raven and flew towards his hut.

"Huh." Rocket watched him fly, scratching his ear.

 

* * *

 

 

The blackbird crossed the distance to the little hut swiftly. Loki changed to his Jotun form as he came to land, stumbling awkwardly - he needed to practice this more. His clothes had come with him. Interesting, and again, something to experiment with. Inside, the hut was stifling. Seiðr was more familiar now - he easily managed the spell to chill the inside. "Brother?"

Thor looked up. That voice. Loki. "Brother." He was cold, he realized, pulling the blanket closer.

"What's wrong?" Thor, subdued and wrapped in a blanket, an extinguished sun.

"I... it's when I remember. It can get too much."

"You remember too much, I too little, and it makes us both useless," Loki sighed, frustrated.

"I will heal. In time."

"Did this happen when you were... thunder... godding?” What did his brother  _do_ , usually? What did  _he_  do? “Taking five now and then?"

"Now and then. When bad things happened. Never like this, though."

"So it's all me?" Loki asked, testily. "I've made you useless."

"Not you. Thanos."

Again, that name. Over and over, when death and pain were the topics. It stuck out glaringly. "So let's  _do_  something about him. Figure out where he is, what his weaknesses are."

"He has no weakness. No feeling."

"Everyone had weaknesses.” Loki’s mouth quirked. “Even me."

"You did not slaughter half the sentient population of the universe."

"No. But I can learn something about this Thanos. Wherever he is, there must be," Loki waved his hand, "insects, vermin, small birds, creatures that don't arouse suspicion that I could  _be_." Loki paused. "Did I try this before?" Had it gone badly?

"No. No, you didn't." This could work. Thor threw his blanket off. A new idea. Something for his mind to feed on, other than itself. 

"Why didn’t I?” Loki put his hands on his hips and frowned. It seemed so obvious.

"There was no time." Thor looked at him. And... "I think you were afraid of him. There was power there..."

"Afraid,” Loki said, thoughtfully. “But I didn’t use my powers to escape.” Again, it would have been trivial, wouldn’t it? A toad hiding in the rocks.

"There was an ambush. He knew we were there." Smoke. Ruins. Loki, held aloft by his throat. "Please.” He pulled in on himself again, gathering his arms about him. “I don't want to remember."

"All right.” Loki waved it away. No need to upset Thor more than he already was. “Where is he now?”

"We don't know."

A banging on the door. “Yo,” Tony yelled.

"Enter," Thor yelled, before remembering. "This is your house, I am sorry."

"Oh, he’d just come in anyway,” Loki replied, tartly, watching the greying human barge in.

“What’s up, guys?” Tony asked, closing the door behind him.

“We’re plotting a murder,” Loki informed him. No need for specificity as to whose.

"Stark. How goes it?"

"Pretty badly, Thor, pretty badly,” Tony sighed, finding a chair to slump into. “Truth be told, I was hoping to get some of your help.  But you’re not looking in a good place to give it.” Thor was a force of nature - but here he was, quiet, disheartened, slumped.

"It is nothing."

"Yeah, well.” Tony sighed. “What’s going on in New York isn’t nothing. When half of the population disappeared, it was… a mess.” Too mild of a term. “Plane crashes, car crashes, helicopter crashes, and half of the ambulance drivers and doctors and EMTs and other people who we really need for this sort of thing are gone. We need superhero-sized help.”  Tony sighed and rubbed his forehead.  “And the woman I love disappeared with everyone else, and the kid I took under my wing, so I’m not doing so well.”

Thor stood. Watched Stark carefully. A little man, in stature. These humans, frail and brief and resilient like wasps. To see one so lost was… disconcerting. "I am sorry for your loss." He embraced him.

Tony hadn’t realized how much he needed that, how much he had been holding himself up with nothing but his own drive. He wrapped his arms tightly around the massive Asgardian.  “Fuck, Thor.”  His voice was unsteady.

Loki crossed his arms, letting the familiar sensation of jealousy gnaw at him. Too many people made themselves too free with Thor’s body.

"They took my people. Half of the few who survived."

“Well,” Tony huffed, “we’re all fucked, aren’t we.” Despair had never seemed so close, so appropriate.

"Loki came back."

"Yeah,” Tony said, bitterly. And so many people who were better than him - didn’t.

Loki heard the tone in Tony’s voice. And he didn’t really have any reason to argue with it. He settled cross-legged into the bed.

Thor patted his back. This would never be easy between them. He did not expect it. "We will fight for those lost."

"That I can do." Tony sighed and let go. "And any help you can give in cleaning up New York would be great. I'm headed right back there."

"I will aid you in any way I can."

"Then come back with me. Just for a few days. Seeing a big handsome God of Thunder getting his hands dirty and picking up some falling buildings is a lot more heartening than seeing a robot-man.”

"If... I am not needed here..." He did not glance at Loki. He knew the question had been understood.

Loki waved his hand airily, faking unconcern. “Do what you have to.”  It would make Thor feel better, after all, and it would be an opportunity to test how secretive his other forms  _really_ were.

"I will go with you."

"Thank you. I appreciate it.” Tony clapped Thor on his massive shoulder. He looked past it to Loki, adding, “And thank you for… going without his dick for a few days.” He didn’t like the smile Loki gave him, not at all.

"For... I'm sorry?" Thor glanced quickly between them, eyes narrowing.

"Oh, sorry, should I be pretending you’re not?” Tony asked, airily.

“Whatever gives you the most pleasure,” Loki replied.

"You  _told_ him?" So much for intimacy. So much for something just between the two of them. Thor burned. With what, he was not quite sure.

“Shuri asked, I answered. He was there.” Loki shrugged. Wait – was Thor  _ashamed_ of this?

"It's all right. There is no privacy here; I should not expect it." He met Stark's eyes. "I do not expect you to understand. But I ask your respect."

Tony stroked his beard. It had been so easy in the past - a little joking here, a little ribbing there, keep it light, because if everyone died tomorrow, the worst part would be to go out depressed. And now it was tomorrow and too many people were dead, and Tony needed jokes more than ever. "All right, man. I got it."

"You are a good man, Tony Stark." Thor clasped his shoulder.

"Yeah, well, girlfriends have disagreed. I've got to go finish thanking Shuri now that I'm done with my beg-a-thon. If you're coming, meet me at her lab in an hour?"

"All right." Thor frowned. "Do we need equipment?"

"Just you and that ax of yours. She's loaned me a few things I'm taking back in the skimmer." Tony jerked his thumb over his shoulder, in the direction of the palace.

"The axe," Thor's fingers twitched, "was for Thanos. I am better without it."

"All right, just thought you liked your props.” Axes, hammers, capes.  “Whatever you need."

"There is much my brother could do, if you would allow it. He can render himself unrecognizable."

"Yeah, he could cause a panic right quick if he lets anything slip. I'll be respectful, but be a little considerate in turn, eh? We've been through a lot." Besides, wasn’t it their going narrative that he was still so ill he needed Shuri’s  _treatment_?

Thor's face tried to settle on an expression. "A lot. Yes. I meant no harm." One day, he mused, he might start feeling something again.

"I did,” Loki replied. I meant a great deal of harm. “I don't now, but I understand." I might again. At least, Loki mused, Tony was honest about it.

"Awesome, great, thanks. See you in a bit." Tony slipped out of the door.

Thor sat down, heavily. It was  _so cold_  in here. Is that why he was shivering?

"You're ashamed of us," Loki noted. No heat, just a statement of fact.

"Of course not." Had he not made that perfectly clear?

"You did not wish Tony to know. He is your friend." If Thor didn’t even want his friends to know…

"I don't care who knows. I just..." He sighed. "Everything is so fresh. So new. I wanted to keep you for myself, a while." He never could. The innocence had washed off of Loki like a bad coat of paint. Even now, remembering so little, he was acting like a parody of the self he used to be. Before he recovered.

"Your pet. Your toy." Resentment felt as familiar as his skin.

"No. Why would I think that; why would I feel that way?" He buried his head in his hands. There was no talking to Loki when he got like this.

"Well, I don't know, do I. I just try to figure it out as I go." He reached out to touch Thor's shoulder. It was burning hot. A limitation of this Jotun form.

Thor fell back into it, ignoring the pain. Loki. The thrill of _alive, here, with you_  still lingered. Perhaps it always would. He closed his eyes, sighing.

Loki changed to his other form, the one that looked more like Thor. The one that could move closer, could climb into Thor's lap and straddle him. Regardless of anything else, Thor was leaving, and Loki wanted this once more before he had to reclaim the mantle of the Prince of Lies. "Show me you're not ashamed."

Thor grabbed him by the back of his head, dragging him into a deep, desperate kiss.

Was it typical for a kiss to make him feel so stupid, so desperate, or was it a Thor thing? Loki didn't care that much, he just gave into it, pressing close and opening his mouth wide.

_All_ of Loki. There was almost nothing to these clothes, and they rode up so easily when Thor ran his hands down his back. The waistband yielded when Thor plunged his hands inside it, gripping the flesh beneath.

Loki's mouth fell open with want as Thor's hands touched him  _there_. "Yes, that," he mumbled into Thor's mouth, pressing against those hands.

"In you," Thor muttered, feeling feverish.

"Yes," Loki agreed. He grabbed his shirt and pulled it off. His hands ran greedily over Thor's bare arms.

"Right here." How to open these tight blue trousers?

Reluctantly, Loki slid off of Thor's lap to remove his boots. He touched the release in the belt, and the trousers fell off.

Thor pulled down his own threadbare trousers, kicking them off and pulling Loki back again, almost in the same motion.

Loki put his hands on Thor's shoulders. "Let's see what I can remember this time," he breathed, smiling.

"Is that why you're doing it?" It didn't matter; enough that he wanted it.

Hardly. "A pleasing side effect, perhaps."

"Mouth," Thor muttered, pressing his fingers against Loki's lips. Farewell to eloquence.

A clear enough request. Loki opened his mouth wide and sucked them in with a sigh.

Loki's face, all the angles sharper, clearer somehow without the hair covering it. Thor licked a stripe up the lean, smooth chin, pushing his fingers in past Loki's teeth, feeling his tongue against them.

Loki nipped at Thor's fingers, then licked. Did he like this combination of pain and pleasure, too?

Sharp, stinging, like Loki. Felt right. Thor's fingers smeared a trace of wet over his lips and chin; he sucked it off as he pressed them in below, feeling warmth and pressure and so little resistance.

Loki moaned. It was easier, this time, Thor's fingers sliding in so  _deliciously_. He licked at Thor's lips, gently squeezing and then releasing his fingers.

"Wanted you for so long." Longer than he could remember. As long as he'd known what wanting was.

"I feel like I've wanted you," Loki murmured between licks, "but I just don't know. I do now."

Just the idea that he might have... but if he hadn't, would this end when he remembered? Would it disgust him? Thor pressed another finger into him, closing his eyes and  _feeling_. No thoughts. Not now.

Loki moaned again. It was so easy now. Did that mean that the previous time had been the first? That line of thought would lead nowhere good. He raised himself up and pressed down, letting thought leave him for a moment.

Loki's cock lay red and swollen against his belly, ripe for the taking. Thor pulled him closer by the fingers in him, taking himself and Loki in his other hand. Together. He gasped.

"Thor," Loki murmured. Such amazing sensations. He tried to sneak his tongue back into the other man's mouth.

Yes. Necessary. Loki's tongue was water, and Thor drank it in, willing it down his throat as he rocked his fingers.

Loki squeaked with surprise.  _Sucking_ on his tongue. Amazing. He put his arms fully around Thor's neck, rocking in time with his fingers. So deliberate.

Deeper. Everything was wet; his mouth, his hand; where they were joined. Thor wiggled another finger in, slowly, working Loki's tongue. 

It was good. He was open. "Your prick," Loki mumbled into his mouth.

"Oil?" Surely it would not fit...

"Still there." On the bed next to them. Not much left, but enough to cover even Thor's prick.

They would need more. Push that concern aside; think only of the slick feel of the oil, on himself, on Loki's cock for good measure as they pressed together. 

"Mmm. That's good," Loki sighed. Was this the sort of  _hedonism_ that Thor had been alluding to?  _The two of them running on green grass, the sunlight glinting off of Thor's yellow hair as he tackled Loki to the ground, laughing_. His mind opening like his body.

Thor grunted, lifting Loki up. There. Slick head caught between his buttocks, Thor holding him in place. "Take it. As you would have me."

Yes. Yes. Loki choosing  _for once_ , determining his own path. He raised himself to his knees, then settled, pushing at the head, breathing carefully as it suddenly slipped in.

Thor gasped, hand catching Loki's shoulder, squeezing it. 

Easy. Ease down, down, shivering and moaning and clenching as Thor's prick rubbed him inside, new and mind-blowing variations of pleasure every time.

"Yes," he choked. Tight. Hot. So good, and Loki's face, open in pleasure!

Loki's mouth was open, his eyes half-shut. Deeper, deeper, impossibly deep! When he finally touched Thor's thighs, the man felt halfway up his spine.

"All... you took all of me." So very, very tight. Almost painful. Perfect.

"Yes.” Loki shivered. It was a lot.  A lot.  He couldn’t think.  _Flying down to the Rimfall on a stolen skimmer, Thor holding him tightly, laughing into the wind_.

"Gently." Thor's hands hovered just by Loki's hips. If he touched him, they both might break.

“Gently.” Loki grabbed Thor’s shoulders where they met his neck, and slowly, carefully, raised himself halfway up.

With a long drawn-out moan, Thor felt himself undone. " _Yes_."

"Yes.” Yes, Loki was hedonistic. Yes, he was greedy.  He wanted this. He wanted to feel this much, he wanted Thor this entranced and adoring and in his thrall. He wanted all the pleasure Thor had to give.  He pressed back down again with a grunt.

Thor leaned up, needing Loki's mouth. It slipped away from him and he made a sound almost like a cat in heat. 

That noise! It was amazing. Loki pushed himself back down and swallowed it with his own mouth.

More of that. More of all of it. Thor shifted, pressing up a little, moving with Loki, following his lead.

A rhythm. Up and down, sliding on Thor’s prick as his own tongue thrust in and out of Thor’s mouth, eagerly licking every noise the man made. Yes.  This was perfection.   _His first perfect illusion, of Thor, a lovely woman smiling at him with pride_.

All Thor was now, was desperate need. He thrust, licked, tasted, fingers slipping down Loki's back, mind lost to pleasure and the moment.  _Loki_.

“Oh Thor,” Loki moaned, throwing his head back, feeling orgasm build – slowly, lazily. Perfectly.   _The sparkle of sun on snow_.

"Loki..." Need. Primal and urgent. Thor felt his skin heating, pricking with oncoming sparks.

“Come in me,” Loki ordered, panting. “I…” he gasped, “I want to feel it.”

"Yes." Always, always yes. Grunting, Thor thrust up, harder, pressing down on Loki's shoulder. Lightning slicked across his arms, caressing Loki like they were his fingers.

"Thor,” Loki moaned. “I’ve never felt like…” Never. Truly never? It  _felt_  true. Always wanting, never having.

"Take it. It's yours." He gasped, thrusting. He was in Loki, holding him, lightning dancing, building within him.

Loki grabbed his erection, stroking it hard and firmly, almost bouncing on Thor, letting it put him higher, higher, higher, and yes, over the edge, shivering and yelling.

Lost, utterly lost; feeling Loki around him, the tight friction and the look on his face, the rapture - Thor was gone, yelling, bolts of blue light licking the bed, the ceiling, the both of them.

Loki had nothing to fear from Thor’s lightning. How could he be so sure? Yet he was, letting it lick at him, tickle him, prickle his skin as he stroked himself through the long, shuddering, delicious tail end of his orgasm.

"Mine." Thor held him, shuddering, kissing him slowly.

That seemed right. Loki kissed him back, letting go of his shoulder.

"Mark me."

Loki cocked his head. “How?” So many options…

"Something solid. Visible. I want them to know I'm yours."

"I can mark you…” How had he learned to do this? “With seiðr. But it’s permanent.” His hands ghosted down Thor’s chest. “Or I canbite you.”

"Both."

Well, then. Loki put the tips of the nails of his left hand on Thor’s chest. He didn’t know  _how_ he knew to do this, but – he felt the little creatures that made up Thor’s skin, the ones who made paint to make his skin golden. _More paint_ , he insisted, and they reluctantly obliged, bursting forth with a brown so deep it was almost black. Loki pulled his hand away, leaving the five sharp moons.

"And it will not fade?"

"No. You're stuck with it." Loki half smiled.

"Good. When we kill Thanos, I will ask you for another."

"All right." The other one, now. Loki bent to Thor's other shoulder and bit it, firmly enough to crunch through the flesh.

Thor gasped. The pain was hot, searing, fading to a dull ache almost imperceptibly. Like the loss of him. "Perfect."

The metallic taste in his mouth was evocative, and Loki eagerly opened himself up to whatever it would give - an impression, a memory, a vision.  _Blood on his hands, his body, his face, in his mouth - enemies, kill or be killed, and Thor was going to be killed, if he didn't run..._  Loki grabbed Thor, panting.

"Loki?" This was wrong. Different. "I'm here. It's all right."

"Sorry." Loki exhaled. "Just... remembering." He tried to shake off the blood and fear.

"That's good." Thor stroked his hair. "I'm here. You marked me. I'm yours. I'm here."

Loki nodded, pulling in the scent of Thor. "It was trying to kill you." What was it?

"What?" He smiled, pulling Loki's hair away from his eyes. "You're going to have to be more specific."

Loki looked at him, wide eyed, then smiled and huffed a laugh.

Thor shook his head, laughing with him. "It's in the past, whatever it was."

"The past." Loki nodded. "We were close in the past. You and I."

"Yes. Yes we were." In differing ways, but always that.

"I remember some of that." But not why it changed. And it had changed, hadn’t it? When he became the monster.

"You resented me. But you cared, I think. I always thought. Then..." He couldn't talk about this with Loki still impaled on him. "Um, should I...?" He shifted, lifting Loki with his hips.

"Probably." He rather liked the way Thor was slowly deflating inside of him, but his legs were screaming. He awkwardly levered himself up.

A wet and sticky business, catching even now as he pulled himself out. No matter. Evidence of what they had done.

Loki collapsed on his back with a sigh. "I did want this. But you were my brother." Fragments of certainly. "And you liked girls."

"Not as much as you. You did not know?"

"I liked girls?” Loki frowned, thoughtfully. He didn’t now…!

"I meant," Thor explained, patiently, "that I liked you more than any woman."

"Oh.” Loki looked at Thor searchingly. “I did not know. They liked you?”  _Yellow hair glowing in the sun, twined with Thor’s. Laughing and kissing.  Jealousy, sharper than the knife in his hand, slicing away the gold._

"I suppose." It was never hard to find a sympathetic smile or bosom for a night. Or twelve. "I thought they might help me forgetyou, in that way. They never did. Sometimes I said your name, in their arms."

"Sif.” The word came to him. “You said her name to me, often. I took her hair.”

He had to laugh. "You remember that! She nearly wiped the floor with you."

"I don’t remember that part. I think I’d like to keep it that way.”

"She was a good friend." He closed his eyes. All of them. Gone now.

Thor’s grief was palpable. "And Thanos took them all?” Loki asked, softly.

"Not her." He looked up, wondering if the time was right for this. "Our sister did. Many of them."

“Our  _sister_?” Loki shook his head. "We have a problematic family. Where is  _she_?”

"Dead." So much death.

"Well, that’s one not to keep track of, I suppose,” Loki sighed. And before he was brought back, Tony surely thought the same of him.

"You helped defeat her. I could not have done it without you."

"Mayhap I’ll remember it.” Loki sat up. “I will accompany you to the palace, if you wish.” Time was marching inexorably on.

"Palace." An idea so far away it was almost gone from his mind. Stark. New York. "Oh. Yes, of course."

Loki stood and stretched, then walked to the corner where his wash-basin sat. He wet a towel from the clever little tap and cleaned his genitals, the semen between his legs.

"Stark cannot understand. I do not blame him."

"From what little I know, I don’t either.” There was something likeable about the man, although Loki would never admit it to anyonebut himself. He picked up the clothing Shuri had made for him and started to dress.

"He is young. They all are. But wise beyond their years. Remember that."

“Yes, my wise brother.” Loki smiled and buckled on his boots.

"Sorry. Was I doing that?” Thor smiled, lopsidedly. “I do that, sometimes."

"I believe you.” Loki checked his tunic and sighed. “Do you want a ride?”

"Always."

Loki stepped outside. Again, the zebra, sturdy and willful, the transformation easy.

"This is a good shape for you, brother. Just as headstrong." Thor grinned, mounting him.

Headstrong. Really?  Loki tossed his head and sprinted off, letting Thor hang on tight or fall off, as he pleased.


	4. Chapter 4

Tony paced in front of the light plane. Thor wasn’t late, not yet, but the time was getting close, and Tony was getting anxious. It seemed like he used to be able to deal with it better, but maybe it was just not having anything to _do_ , right now. And so he paced, and jiggled his leg, and finally saw… “Uh – he’s riding a zebra."

Shuri's lips twitched. "That's not a zebra."

"Really?” Tony put on his glasses, and Enhanced. The animal zoomed close, nostrils flaring, short mane gripped in Thor’s massive hands. “Looks a lot like one.”

Shuri just shrugged. He'd have to figure this one out the hard way.

Loki pulled up to the trio of Stark, Shuri, and pilot, and reared dramatically. Why not? A little drama was not uncalled for.

Thor laughed. This. He had missed this. He patted Loki's flank.

"Nice ride,” Tony noted, sticking his hands in his pockets. It snorted at him. Sure looked like a zebra…

"Thank you. He's better behaved than he looks."

Loki snorted again and shook his head.   _Get off of my back!_

He could feel his brother's disapproving stare. Thor dismounted, subdued. Being ridden like that couldn't be comfortable.

Loki shifted back to his Jotun form, the one that would, for now, be his public face.

“Holy shit!” Tony yelped. Now that was… that was fucking cool.

"I must say," Shuri told him, "I rather envy you."

"I mean, people call me a horse’s ass, but…” Tony made a gesture. Save the video of that. “I can’t actually _be_ one.”

Loki cocked his head. Was Tony making fun? “I didn’t want him to be late.”

"It's praise, brother. Ease up."

"Yeah, when this is all done…” Tony looked at Loki more closely. “I’d like to talk to you about that a little more.” The possibilities! Not just immediate and practical, but the implication for regeneration of organs, for cancer therapy…

"He has a fascinating body," Shuri said, completely deadpan.

"Hey, mine’s not so bad,” Tony replied, faux-defensively.

“For a human,” Loki added, smoothly.

Thor looked between them. They were doing that thing again. The joke he was only barely part of, and could not understand. He frowned. Why did everyone keep _doing_ that?

“You coming, Fabio?” Tony asked. “I’ve had a great time here, but there’s this awesome burrito place back home, and I want to have dinner there.”

"I will join you, Stark. I have heard much of this burrito of which you speak."

"I will await your return, brother,” Loki murmured.

Thor put a hand on his chest, where the mark now sat. He could not trace it with his fingers, but there were senses other than touch. He felt it there. "Be well. I will return."

Loki nodded and stepped back, watching Thor and Stark enter the jet together, followed by the pilot. This bit was tricky. But it felt, again, oddly familiar. Had he done this in the past? Regardless, it was not merely a matter of a word.  _Wasp_. That was just a word, a sound, not something he could become. Instead, he visualized a small being with dazzling kaleidoscopic vision, light fragments of parchment for wings, a slender waist, elegant legs, and a poisoned dagger in his back, and then he _was_ this being. Alighting on Thor’s back, unseen.

His Jotun illusion nodded at Shuri, then turned to an equally illusionary raven and flew back to his hut.

A small weight on his back. Little fluttering wings. Thor rolled his eyes, quickly stopping himself before Stark could notice. Not this again. Ever since they were children, and Loki never thinking he noticed. He _always_ noticed Loki.

Tony got into the plane and belted in to the lusciously comfortable seat. Wakandan tech always made him feel like a backwards hick. “We’ll have a little time to catch up,” he noted to Thor.

Thor nodded, resisting the urge to scratch his back.

“I mean, I haven’t seen you since that whole business with Ultron,” he sighed. “You and Banner. Banner came back, but he really didn’t give me much of an update before,” Tony waved his hand to indicate _everything_.

The plane shot into the sky. Thor sighed. "There's... a lot of ground to cover."

"We have some time.” Tony spread his arms across the back of the seat. “Give me the Cliffs notes.”

"I don't know what you mean by that, but I assume you want a summary. I'm not sure that's possible." He sighed. "What did I tell you when I saw you last?" A lifetime ago.

"That you were going to find all of the Infinity Stones.”

"Yes." He looked down. "Well, we know how that worked out."

"Well, in the meantime, SHIELD fell apart, Cap and I had a falling-out because he tried to kill me because I was trying to kill his metal-armed friend who killed my parents, and a street magician, a kid I took under my wing, and I flew off to one of Thanos’s bases and tried to take his glove.” Tony gnawed on his fist. “We almost had it, Thor. It was coming off of his _hand_!!” He fell back with a groan. “And then he killed everyone but me and a cyborg. Nice girl, she’s off with Banner.”

Thor nodded again. "Sometimes I wonder how many times the world can end. Since I saw you last, my father died, I found my entire family history was a lie, my unknown sister broke my hammer and tried to kill me and my brother, just when we were working things out between us. Then she slaughtered most of my friends, then _we_ killed _her_ by releasing a fire demon who destroyed my planet. Some of my people had barely escaped when Thanos killed most of them, then my best friend, then my brother, right in front of me while I watched, bound and helpless." He took a breath. "He seems to have a theme."

"Okay," Tony sighed, "you win." He rubbed his forehead. "We really need better competitions. How about darts? I vote for that over the 'tragic backstory' game."

"We... uh, we also found Banner. So that was good."

"Yes, I appreciated that. So," Tony sighed, "elephant in the room. Your brother, New York - if he's   _not_ a power-hungry egomaniac, then _why_?"

"I don't know much of the details, but it appears that while he was missing - Loki, that is - he fell under Thanos's control. Not just his influence; something happened that made him a puppet to that monster." Thor felt the tickling touch of a movement on his back, resisting the urge to pet it. "I know from personal experience that time falls differently between dimensions; I suspect Thanos kept him in his realm as long as was needed to break his mind entirely. I do know the man who returned was not the brother I knew."

Tony looked up at the roof thoughtfully. "You could have told us at the time, you know... that's a hell of a lot more than just _adopted_.”

Loki resisted the urge to buzz around angrily, to stab with his little poisoned dagger. No focus for his anger, just... frustration.

"I didn't know at the time." _Loki's face in the woods, begging him to see what was wrong._ Thor sighed. "But I suspected. And I failed him. And you. All of Earth."

"Yeah, well, don't beat yourself up, we've had enough of that." Tony looked out the window, then back at Thor. "It's just - not to be crude or anything, but I've done stupid stuff for people I was sleeping with. Can't blame me for asking?"

He had? Was this a _thing_ , Loki wondered.

"We weren't, at the time."

"No, and you are now." Now that you've changed your mind on him.

"He died to save my life. Twice. That's..." Thor looked out the window. Just sky. Not that he'd recognize where they were if there had been anything else. "That's something."

"That _is_ something. Most people only manage to pull that off once."

Twice. And Loki could remember neither.

"He's not himself, now. Part of me worries-" he was too aware of the weight on his shoulders, in more ways than one, "part of me worries that when he does remember, he'll resent what we've become."

"Well, it's not my area of expertise, but losing your memory doesn't make you a different person, does it?" Tony shrugged. "And I'm not into guys, but if I were, you're pretty fuckable."

This might be the most unreasonable stab of jealousy Loki had ever felt, but he embraced it, stalking over Thor's shoulder to stare at Tony from myriad minutely different perspectives.

Thor grinned. "High praise among your people, from what I gather, Stark."

Tony waved his hand dismissively. "'Thor is fuckable' is not a novel observation on this planet."

"Then Earth favors me." Had Loki moved? It felt that way.

"And honestly, that's one of the reasons I wanted you in New York. Handsome, fuckable God, all beautifully disheveled, cleaning up debris and kissing babies? Gold. It'd honestly save lives."

"Don't tell Loki. He gets jealous. Don't know if you've noticed." An irritated little buzz punctuated his words.

"I won't, especially now I know he can _change_ things. I like my dick the way it is."

"He always could. And," Thor realized with another jolt to the gut, "that should have been another sign he was not himself. Thanos must not have known his true potential."

Tony rubbed his beard. "Interesting. Yeah, that would have made him... terrifying. More terrifying, I mean."

"I think he was fighting back. The moment he was in chains, he seemed... relieved. Like he could finally breathe again."

"I thought he was just into it." The way he had looked at Thor...

"Why would he enjoy being tied up?"

Tony's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. "Uh, I have some videos to show you."

Loki perked up. Perhaps he should watch them, too.

"If you think it would help?"

Tony laughed. "Maybe. It sure gets me going!" Pepper hadn't been into it, but she had obliged... Tony bit his lip, sobering.

“Then I look will look at these videos with interest."

"I never thought my secret superhero power would be 'improving your sex life,' but I'll take it."

So would Loki, come to that. He settled back down on Thor’s shoulder, thinking about chains and gags. And Thor.

"It is good to be with you again, my friend. Even at this time."

"We've got to hang out some time when everyone isn't dying." He clapped Thor on the shoulder. "It's good to see you."

Loki just barely escaped the hand.

Thor glanced at his shoulder nervously, then managed a smile.

"So, yeah." Tony looked out of the window. "We're going to grab a burrito when we get there - I wasn't lying about that - but afterwards, first thing in the morning, we're going to have a little get-together in Central Park. The Mayor will talk about the importance of all pulling together, I'll talk about a grant I'm giving for neighborhood rebuilding, and you can talk about taking a break from God-ing to help out for a couple of days because New York is just… that... awesome."

"Not really a god. I do enjoy New York, I grant you."

"They all think you are. And that's what counts. They think I'm a philanthropist rather than a perverted old bastard, so that's what I am."

Thor leaned back. "I've had some bad experiences with the whole 'accepting godhood' thing lately. It's not a family tradition I intend to follow. But your point is well taken. I will," he searched for the right term, "smile for the cameras."

"Good man. And," Tony drummed his fingers and looked up, then looked back. "I can swing it without actually calling you a god. Humans get a little blurry about what is and isn't, you know, and all that matters is that you're the sort of thing they _need_ right now."

The stab of jealousy was so familiar that Loki didn't need to remember anything specific to feed it. It just _was_. He could live with it.

"That, I can live with."

"Good. I want more _living_ going on." Tony looked out of the window. "Damn, this thing is fast. There's old Lady Liberty."

"Not our fastest," the pilot noted, a grin in her voice.

"One of the great founders of your nation?"

Tony shrugged. "Like you, she's an ideal. Someone to look up to. So, in a sense, yeah."

"We had statues too. Not all with such grand ideals behind them." The joke was lost on Loki, but Thor enjoyed it anyway.

"I like _liberty_ as a concept better than _freedom_ , really," Tony noted as the plane settled gently on his landing pad. " _Freedom_ is always a bit badly defined." He unstrapped himself and opened the door and pulled a few packages from the cargo area. "Stay for a drink?" he asked the pilot, sticking his head into the cockpit.

"No, I must return," she told him. "Withdraw your head before you lose it!"

Tony hopped back, crossing the landing pad and sliding open the glass door to the airy bar-room. "Come on in, Thor. We had sold this place and moved out, but when… that thing happened, the company that bought it defaulted. So it’s just me and this kid I hired to replace Happy.” Happy had survived, but his brother hadn’t, and he had moved back to Jersey to take care of his sister-in-law and her kids. “I'm going to get us some food. Need a shower? Pepper left behind some swanky hair stuff..."

"A shower would be much appreciated. I thank you."

"A drink, too?" Tony stopped at the bar to pour a double whiskey.

"I will gladly join you." It had been a while. Too long, Thor thought, as the smell of the strong liquor hit him.

Tony poured a second glassful and handed it over. "Cheers."

"Cheers." A fitting oath; to cheer and good life.

Tony took a healthy mouthful, then closed his eyes and threw his head back, letting the burn settle into his stomach, filter out through his limbs in a pleasing glow.

Loki still rested on his shoulder, a reassuring presence. Although... Thor drank the liquor, enjoying the pleasant burn. "It is well brewed."

"Yeah, for what it cost, it'd damn well better be." Tony polished his off and put the glass aside.

Thor did the same. Loki was still there, his back told him. Good. "I think I might take that shower."

"Follow me." Tony took the big man through a doorway, down a long hallway, to an elevator, through another hallway, to a big wooden door. "Guest room. I mean, one of them. The biggest one,” he patted Thor’s massive arm. “You know how the shower works?"

"I am familiar with many of your shower types."

"Good, then I'll leave you to it. I'll pop by in a bit with a burrito, but if you're too tired, I'll catch you in the morning." The trip had been too short, and Tony too used to them, to be jetlagged, but Thor might be. He had no idea how this worked, with Asgardians.

Loki took the opportunity of Tony opening the door to leave Thor's shoulder, concealing himself on top of the doorframe on the inside.

"I look forward to it. My thanks!" Thor grinned at Tony's receding back until he was far enough away to politely shut the door. He sat down on the bed, looking at nothing in particular. "Well,” He said, loudly and with the clearest of diction, “I had better take that shower." He undressed, a little slower than he normally would have on his own. No reaction. He sighed.

Loki settled down on the doorframe, cleaning his eyes and wings with his fore and aft legs. He had time, he would wait and make sure Thor was settled in. His brother might not even know how to work the shower, after all…

"Shower must be in here, I suppose..." Thor paid attention to the speck above the door, stepping out of his trousers.

Of course, if he _did_ have to explain the shower to Thor, he'd be showing his hand for just a bloody shower, unless... oh, of course. Loki settled back down.

Leaving the bathroom door carefully open, Thor made a show of fiddling with the fixtures exaggeratedly. "I wish I understood these things!"

Typical. Loki changed to a flea, hopped through the gap in the door, changed to his Aesir form, and then put on a glamour of a young boy - like those he had been living amongst, dark-skinned, shaved head, in clothing like Tony’s. He knocked. "Mister Thor," he said, "Tony sent me to ask if you need anything."

Thor sighed. "Loki, I know it's you."

"Well, that's no fun, Mister Thor," Loki replied, maintaining the voice and appearance while fuming internally.

Thor threw the door open. "You know what else won't be fun?"

"You still smelling like that tomorrow because you can't work the shower?" Loki asked.

"Yes, tomorrow. That'll be an interesting day, when Shuri expects you for your next appointment and you don't show up. What do you think will happen, then?"

Loki crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "I told her I needed a few days to myself. Given the progress I've been showing, she was happy to grant that - especially given all the surveillance she has on me. She'll see me wandering around, eating, sleeping, being a good boy. Do you really think I didn't think ahead, brother?"

"And no one will ever touch you, or accidentally fall through your illusions at any point, of course."

"I'll do my best. Life is not without risk. But none other than you and the doctors did so thus far." Loki looked off towards the east. "The sun will be rising there shortly. Loki will be watching it. He's asleep right now." He turned sad doe-eyes on Thor. "Missing his brother so much."

"Don't do that," Thor snapped. Like it was a game. His feelings. What they had.

"You really think anyone is going to _touch_ me, brother," Loki said, darkly. "That is not a concern. Even the doctors don't, unless they _have_ to. I can go as long as I need without being _touched_."

Thor grabbed him by the shoulders. "Why do you do this?"

"Do what?"

"Push me away!"

Loki shut the door behind him and let the glamour dissolve. "When did I ever push you away? I give you your head, your freedom, and let you do with it what you will.”

"You _say_ these things as though you think I don't care; imply I might care for another, mock my affection!"

"You care for everyone, Thor." Loki spread his arms. "And they all need you. Tony is correct. Even if you're not a god - you're what they all need. Shuri. The rabbit. New York. All of them."

"And what of it?”

"How in the depths of Helheim should I know? You're the one with the intact memory! Should I putter around in a hut - or take an opportunity to listen, to learn, to observe, when everyone isn't tiptoeing around and sanitizing everything, either because they're afraid I'm too delicate to take it or because they're afraid I'll let the monster out and destroy their world?" By the end, Loki was hollering at the top of his lungs. "But you knew," he added, quietly, panting, wiping his mouth. "You always know." Somehow, Loki _knew_ that.

"This," Thor said, quietly, running a hand down Loki's wild hair. "This is what you do. Question. Investigate." He tried to smile. "I am sorry I doubted you."

"But that's what _you_ do," Loki replied, deflated. And what they all expected him to do. Thor, the honest one, the good one, vouching for Loki, turning a man who would have killed Loki into one who was content to let him roam free. Thor’s word was Loki's bond, and he doubted appropriately.

"And I should not. If I had listened to you more, lives could have been saved more often than not."

"You say that. I don't remember. What did I say that you didn't listen to?"

Thor almost laughed. Too many centuries and wrongs to contemplate. He thought of home and youth and ached. "For so much of our lives, I didn't even see you. I underestimated you and your council."

"So I turned to Thanos as a... sullen rebellion?" Loki asked. It actually sounded halfway reasonable.

"You cast yourself out."

"So yes." _Letting go._ An open hand. Loki chased the memory, but it slipped through his fingers. "I... I let go."

"You remember?" The look on his face. Like that day. The abyss.

"I remember you..." Loki closed his eyes. "Disappearing." Receding. A powerful sense of fear and relief, mixed in equal parts. _It would all be over soon_.

"Yes! You were falling - I tried to reach for you, but you-" he had known, really. But certainty was different. "You did not want to take my hand."

"No." Loki opened his eyes. "Maybe I'll remember why."

"I thought you had died.” Too many memories. And Loki had not enough. “I mourned you." For the first time.

"You've done that a lot, haven't you," Loki noted.

"Thrice."

Wasted effort, in retrospect. "We can probably just take it as read, next time."

"Loki, I cannot _take_ a next time." His grip on Loki's arms hardened.

"I cannot guarantee I'll live forever." Did Thor expect that?

"I'm not asking to you." It was simply fact. There was no more left in him.

Loki sighed and tucked his hair behind his ear. "Look, I was just going to help you work the shower..."

"Actually, I do need help with that," Thor muttered.

Loki turned and stalked into the bathroom.

"You're good with machinery."

"I don't remember." Loki put his hands on the wall. He could feel potential - pipes with water, hot and cold, _here_ and _there_. He traced them down to the two taps, and could feel... a junction, and a switch behind them. He turned the two taps, letting the water flow, and then fiddled with the switch until the junction was activated. He yelped, jumping back, as water cascaded on his head.

"Hah! Didn't I tell you!" Thor embraced him. "A grand victory!"

"Yes." Loki shook the water out of his hair, irately. "Grand."

Thor kissed him, pulling him flush under the water and fully into the little niche.

"Clothes!" Loki squeaked into his mouth.

"Sorry," Thor laughed, letting go. He didn't want to.

Loki stepped out and started to pull off his soaking clothes. Wasn't _he_ supposed to be the god of mischief?? He had to get back on top of these things.

"I'm sorry, brother." He couldn't stop grinning. "It becomes you, though."

" _Wet_ becomes me?" Loki hung his trousers on the corner of the door.

"Truth be told, everything does. I was jealous of that, you know."

Vague impressions of... "People thought I was weasley. Greasy." Not _sexy_.

"Really?" Who? _Why?_

"That's what I..." Loki frowned, "remember." With that same frustrating lack of context that plagued so many of his memories. The more he remembered, the more he realized how much he still could _not_ remember.

"What else? Anything?" Thor wanted to turn the water off, but he couldn't remember how. He leaned out of it instead, feeling foolish.

Loki took off his boots and stepped back into the shower. "Bits and pieces. No structure."

"What can I do; how can I help?”

"Nothing." Loki took a tube from the wall and sniffed it.

"What do you mean; there must be something?"

"I don't know." A thick fluid came out when Loki squeezed it. Slippery between his fingers. Pleasant in smell.

"I think that's hair oil."

"It's soap... hair soap." So it implied on the side.

"Right." The significance, if there was any, was lost on Thor.

And, perhaps, some other utility. But Thor seemed uninterested. Loki squeezed it into his hand and rubbed it into his sadly neglected hair.

"I used to have hair like yours. Not as curly. But longer."

"I remember." Nothing specific, just the sense of _long_ and _yellow_ , of _glowing in the sun_ , of _framing his face._ "What you have now suits you better."

"You remember it. And prefer this?" Thor ran his hand through it, awkwardly. It felt wrong. Like a missing finger; not significant, but important in a small way.

"As far as I can tell." Loki's fingers snagged in his filthy hair. He gritted his teeth and combed through it over and over, working out the tangles.

"Here, let me..." He'd done that often enough. Loki hadn't always kept his hair long, but Thor's tangled just the same. It was easier, on someone other than yourself. He worked his fingers into Loki's hair, feeling carefully for the knots.

Loki turned to give him more access. "Don't yank it out," he grumbled.

"I have centuries of experience; give me some credit." Something _tangible_ he could do. It felt like a rush.

"It feels like it's been tangled for centuries." Loki closed his eyes.

"I've had worse." He threw a glance over the bottles as he worked. One was labeled 'conditioner.' That sounded right; this hair needed some sort of conditioning. He grabbed it, adding a fair dollop as he worked.

Loki grunted softly every time Thor tugged on his hair. He had an erection. From hair-pulling? Was that odd?

"Your hair is softer than mine." The knots were not as massive, yielding a little easier under Thor's fingers. "You like that?" It sounded like it. He looked down. Oh. Looked like it as well.

"What does it _look_ like?" Loki grumbled, embarrassed. Rock-hard from a little hair-tugging?

“Better.”

"Mmph. Needed it." Didn't need this hard-on.

"I've almost got all of it." He was hard now, too. Loki didn't seem interested, so he tried to keep far enough away not to press against him. It worked. Sometimes.

"Uh," Loki moaned after another tug. "Go slowly..."

"Like this?" A little more deliberate, but slow.

"Yes, that's good... more of..." Loki held up the tube of slippery hair soap.

Thor giggled, almost startling himself. When was the last time he'd actually _giggled_? "Remind you of anything?"

"Yes, it reminds me of fucking," Loki replied, testily. Which they weren't doing.

"Sorry. Bit crass." It was getting harder not to just press into him. "You do that to me."

"If you want to stop hinting at it and start doing it," Loki noted, "I wouldn't mind." He felt tense, shaking, uncomfortable at just _asking_. Too much vulnerability…

Thor pulled him to, sucking at his neck. It tasted disgustingly of soap and perfume, but his penis overrode all else. In the slick water, it slipped between Loki's buttocks. Thor slid a hand around and found Loki's cock, burying it in his fist.

"Norns," Loki gasped, pressing back against Thor, firmly. Feeling him tight against his backside.

"Have to be quick about it." Stark could come back any moment.

"Then get on with it," Loki said through his teeth, reaching back to grab Thor's shaft, to position it, to press back on it.

"Yes!" Tight and slick - Thor bent his knees, trying to get the right angle, pressing up.

The soap wasn't as slick as the oil, so it hurt a little going in - still less than the first time they had done this, and Loki was able to breathe through it, exhaling as Thor buried himself.

"Allfathers...!" So tight. So, so tight, and warm, almost burning. Thor stroked Loki's wet, stiff cock, burying himself in him.

"Thor." Nothing but Thor. Loki put his hands against the tiles, pushing back into Thor.

The sound of his name on Loki's lips made him drive harder, gasping as he pressed them both against the tiles, thrusting deep and fast.

"Yes," Loki moaned, "Harder..."

A banging on the door. "Hey, big guy, want a burrito?"

Thor gasped, falling on top of Loki and wheezing in his ear. "Help."

"You're a terrible actor," Loki whimpered back.

"Well, what's the alternative? You go out there and talk to him?"

Loki set his jaw. "Yes. If you get out of me."

Thor's eyes widened. He nodded, falling back and pulling himself out.

"Shit." Loki stumbled out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his middle, covering wet Loki with a seeming of wet Thor. He closed the bathroom door and opened the main door. "Sorry, I was in the shower," he told Tony, the depth and timbre of his voice altered to match Thor.

"No problem, looks like it did you good!" Tony noted. Thor was always massive and attractive, but damn, he looked more... handsome than usual. Big. Golden. Oozing sex.

Thor angled himself a little closer to the door. This would never end well.

Thor was staring at him. Oh, yes, Tony had come for a reason, hadn’t he? "Uh, yeah, so here's a burrito." Tony handed it over. "If it's too much, you can put the rest in the mini-fridge in the corner."

Loki looked over at the small cube Tony waved at, then raised the foil-wrapped tube to his face and smelled it. "Thank you for your hospitality, friend Stark. I will rest well tonight, and be ready for your event in the morning."

"Yeah, totally." Tony scratched the back of his neck. He _was_ straight, wasn't he? More or less? "Well, if you need anything else, just yell, okay? That thing on the wall is a communicator, if you touch it."

Stark sounded a little off, Thor noted. Was he suspicious?

Loki looked at the thing he wasn't going to touch.  "Thank you, Tony. You are a good man. You will awaken me in good time for the event tomorrow?"

Tony blinked. He had been staring at Thor's chest, the muscles bulging and moving as the man gestured, took the burrito, breathed... "What?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Oh, yeah! I'll buzz you at 6. That'll be plenty of time to get ready."

"Thank you, Tony." Loki frowned as the man backed out of the room and closed the door.

Footsteps down the corridor. Thor waited a beat, then slowly inched the door open.

Loki stepped closer to the door, listening to Tony's footsteps, making sure he was truly leaving. "He might be gone," he murmured.

Thor caught a glimpse of Loki from behind. A massive torso, more over-sized carrot than man, arms beyond the scope of Aesir physique. Golden skin, and when he turned, bright blue eyes that glittered with captured starlight. "You, uh, got the eye wrong," he managed.

"What?" Loki asked, frowning. “What did I get wrong?"

"My prosthetic. It's brown." And he had never looked that much like the cover of one of those novels Jane used to compare him to. Not by far.

"Ah." How had Loki missed this? He switched the blue to brown in that eye. "How is this?"

"Better." His hair, what little there was of it, seemed to move of its own accord.

"Well, Tony didn't seem to notice." Loki tossed the burrito on a small table and let the illusion dissolve. "He's attracted to you, even though he considers himself straight. It's causing him some distress."

"What? How could you possibly know that?"

"It was more than a little obvious." Loki sat on the bed with a sigh. Thor must surely be used to that reaction.

It mattered very little, overall. The most important thing was that Loki had not been discovered. Thor settled into uneasy relaxation. "He will not disturb us until morning."

"Good." Loki raked his fingers through his hair. "Do you want to pick up where we left off, or are you still upset with me for coming along?"

"I wasn't upset. I was worried." Thor looked down and away. Loki’s body was a little much to be dealing with, right now. He saw it no matter where he was looking. Even when he closed his eyes. "And I always want you."

"Show me," Loki demanded, and before he took another breath Thor pressed him down into the bed, licking at his mouth, pressing his legs apart.  That was good. Loki tossed his towel aside, pulling Thor close, opening his mouth wide.

Thor was still a little wet, but he pressed his fingers inside Loki anyway, letting him ride them, thrusting his tongue into Loki’s mouth. This was better than thinking, any day.

Loki pressed down on Thor's fingers greedily, tilting his head to give the man better access to his mouth. Nobody made him feel like Thor - not in the past, not now. He couldn't fully remember, but he could _feel_.

He was so open, still! But all Thor was slick with, was sweat. He huffed in frustration; he didn't want to leave the bed.

The bedside table had an assortment of small bottles. Loki grabbed at them, opening and touching the liquid inside, trying to find one that had contents that were slippery and not heavy with scent.

"Anything. Want you." Thor thrust his fingers impatiently.

"Here." It had a picture of a purple bundle of flowers on it, and smelled strongly floral, but not as much as some of the other bottles. And most importantly, it was slippery.

Thor tore it out of his hands, spreading it on himself, on Loki, on half the bed, and wouldn't that require a creative explanation later? No matter. Thor pressed inside, impatient and needy.

"Fuck," Loki gasped, feeling himself impaled, filled, so abruptly. "Thor, gods, fuck."

"Yes. Need you." Loki was his stake to claim. Thor stifled a yell, lifting Loki's hips and going deeper.

"Oh Norns," Loki cried out. This was overwhelming, just deliciously so. Thor wanted him this much! His desire was utterly addictive.

"Only you." In the past millennium, no one else had compared, so why should anyone ever?

Loki's eyes wouldn't stay open. They kept falling half-shut from the intensity of it. "Oh gods, more..." Yes, hedonistic. He wanted this, as often as he could get it. He wanted Thor, all for his own.

More? Oh, he would have it. The bed shook with the force of their bodies; nearly lifting on each heavy thrust.

"Hel, Thor!" Thor was pounding it out if him, all of his jealousy, his toxic thoughts, and there were only delicious, mind-boggling waves of pleasure every time he thrust.

"Look at me."

Loki forced his eyes open, looking at Thor - huge, handsome, godly Thor. Yes - Loki adored him. He wanted him all to himself. Nobody else.

"I am yours. You marked me." He was torn away on a wave of need. _Next time_. No. Never. 

Sharp half-moons on his chest, Loki's darkness marking Thor. Red marks of teeth on his neck. Loki grabbed his own erection and stroked it hard, fast.

"Always. Al-" he gasped, thrusting hard and deep, shivering in orgasm. _Loki. Here. Now._

Loki was coming, swept away on waves of pleasure, impaled and taken, such a perfect balance of pain and overwhelming pleasure, crying out...

The bed shivered and collapsed.

Thor swallowed a gasp, blinking in confusion. "What..."

Loki shook his head. It was all too-scented oil and splinters of wood and the remnants of orgasm. "Fuck." He tried to get to his feet. The debris shifted and collapsed around him.

"Careful..."

"Thank you," Loki said, testily. He scrambled out of the debris, splinters sticking in his back and feet.

"Yes, well. Little late for that." Tony was going to kill him.

Loki perched carefully on the edge of a chair and started to pick splinters out of his feet. He knew the look on Thor's face. The _Mother is going to kill us_ look. "Tell him you had a nightmare."

"About what! The bed attacking me?"

"About Thanos. About our sister. About your dear mother dying. Any damn thing. And you smashed it in your sleep." Other foot.

Thor leaned back, ignoring the splinters his body was already pushing out of him as fast as they went back in, whenever he moved. "I think," he said, "I might have that burrito."

"Go ahead, he got it for you." Loki reached around and awkwardly pulled splinters from his back.

"In good time." Wood crunching underfoot, Thor stood, and picked up the first, jagged piece.

"There's an easier way," Loki noted, blandly. A hint of a memory. _”Making my bed takes forever, brother!” Loki, holding out his hand, proudly. “There’s an easier way…”_

Thor looked up, tangled in wet sheets. "What do you mean?"

An old, old memory of seiðr, almost as old as him. Rusty and halting, but the bedclothes eventually twitched off of Thor, the ground, and the debris, and folded themselves.

Thor took a step back, startled. _He_ had forgotten that. "You used to do that for me." 

"I remember now," Loki replied.

"You grew tired of my whining, so you taught yourself how to do it." He grinned. "Loki, you remember!"

"I'm so domestic," Loki noted, blandly. "And sex makes me remember." It also seemed to make things that ranged from inconvenient to awful happen.

"That doesn't seem right." Sex was not seiðr.

"What do you mean?" Did Thor think he was just making it all up? How could he even do that?

"I mean, not just the sex. There has to be something about it."

"Hm." Loki resumed pulling out splinters. The _something about it_ was a large pile of potential anxiety and pain that he didn't feel up to at the moment.

"Not that I'm complaining."

"Well, isn't that nice." Wait, what was he _doing_? Loki switched to the wasp form, letting the splinters fall to the ground, then back to his pale form again. There, splinters gone.

He knew this Loki, too. The one who raged at the wolf for conspiring against him, be it birthright and destiny or broken furniture. "I wish I could do that."

"Well, you can fly." Why was _that_ the first thing that came to him?

"In a manner of speaking." Thor glanced over. "You recall that too?"

"Not really." Loki sighed.

"You should get some rest. You have forms that will let you." Unlike Thor.

"We can make this work." A few fragments of the base came together and knitted back in place. Delicate work, but they had all night.

Thor stared at it. He moved closer to the wall in case there were fragments he couldn't see - besides, Loki commanded space. Literally, right now.

Loki closed his eyes. The wood had memory of where it had been, what its neighbors had been. He let the pieces drift around, finding each other, annealing when they met their partners.

Would that Stark saw this; the _truth_ of Loki's power. Which of his gifts were destructive? Healing was his nature. The rest was nurture. 

Slowly, surely, the bed re-formed, bearing the mattress up, until it was more or less intact again, if a bit scuffed. "Well, that should save some explanations." Not the smelly bedsheets, but all things considered... " _You_ can make it," Loki told Thor, settling back into the chair and crossing his legs under him.

"Well, we would be done for if it were the other way around. I could never wrap my mind around seiðr." He busied himself with the sheets.

"You stopped coming to the lessons." _Why doesn't Thor come anymore, mother?_

"There was no point. I wasn't learning anything." He looked up. "And you made fun of me."

"I did?" Loki picked at his fingers. "That sounds like me."

"You were right to. I was hopeless."

"Well, you hardly need it," Loki noted. With the God of Thunder and Master of Battle things he had going on.

In fairness... "And I was jealous, I suppose. You were mother's favorite."

Loki frowned. "But I wasn't _hers_." Adopted. That was a clear, shining memory. Not hers, not of this family.

"You were. In all the ways that matter."

"It hurts to try to remember her." Loki pulled his legs to his chest, trying to block the feelings from flooding in.

"You love her. You were in prison when she died,” he added,

"So she's gone, too." An aching void in his viscera, feelings and images now with a _name_.

"Yes." Thor put a hand on his shoulder. "She always had faith in you."

"Does everyone who puts their faith in me die?" Loki growled, hugging his legs tightly.

"I'm still here."

"You're the only one, though? And you're one of the most powerful beings in the universe."

"Everyone else was killed by Thanos. Our entire people."

Loki's mouth fell open as something came to him. Something new. Something not remembered, instead _realized_ from dormant, submerged memories. "He was there because of _me_. I was _his_ and I had..." Loki looked down, blinking, "...blue..." Something blue. Something massively important.

"Loki?" None of that made any sense.

Loki set his jaw. "If I hadn't gone with you, they would still be alive."

"If you hadn't come with me, they would have perished with Asgard. As would I."

"I don't believe that," Loki snorted.

"Then you don't remember. How did this happen?" He pulled out his eye, too quickly. It felt like the first time.

Loki winced and looked away. "I don't remember!"

"I was nearly defeated! The odds were not in our favor, even with your help."

"I don't remember. I only remember..." Loki shuddered. "His mind." The cruel, oily stench of it.

Loki was in pain. Thor dropped the sheet and kneeled by him. "What is it?"

"His mind. I could feel it. I pulled him to us." Loki squeezed his eyes tightly closed.

"Because he had taken you before!"

"He's still out there." Loki opened his eyes in a panic, staring at Thor - the blurry, unfocused image of Thor in front of him.

"We will find him."

"And he'll take me again." Loki looked at Thor, resigned.

"No." Lightning flashed in his eye.

"What will you do differently this time? What _can_ you do differently this time?"

"Aim for his head."

"Well, _I'm_ relieved," Loki snapped, jumping up and pacing. "Snap his underpants, too, while you're at it."

What was there to say? Thor had failed him. Had failed the universe. Had he expected Loki to forgive that?

"I tried to stab him, and he killed me." So Thor had said. They had each had their opportunity, and each failed. If they learned nothing from it, it was all in vain.

"I have the only weapon that can kill him. And I failed."

"Does he know that?"

"Loki, he's still alive."

Loki paused and fixed Thor with a stare. " _Does he know that your ax is the only thing that can kill him_?"

"I don't know. I don't know things; you're the one who knew things."

"Because if he does," Loki sat back down in the chair, "I have an idea." Not a great idea, but an idea.

"Tell me."

"If Thanos knows the ax is the only thing that can kill him," Loki replied, thoughtfully, "he's going to be very focused on it. Especially if we wave it around and let it be seen. Say, at a large gathering in New York."

"I didn't bring it."

"No, but I can make it look like you did. Just grab any old stick and wave it around, noting that it's the only thing that can kill Thanos and you're going to use it."

Thor grabbed the burrito and began unwrapping it, excitedly. "We must tell Tony."

"I'm not here," Loki reminded him. Thor didn't need to know the rest of the plan, not right now.

"He's going to wonder about the axe. He is a wise man."

"Tell him _you're_ going to make a stick look like the ax. He doesn't know how how much seiðr you know." Tony thought Thor was practically a god, after all.

"I will try." He bit into the burrito. "This is good," he added, absent-mindedly.

"Just..." Loki sighed. "Don't act. Don't think about it.” The moment Thor tried to act, they’d be done for. “Don't even lie, just tell him that the stick is going to look like an ax and let him assume. The rest is all truth. The less you have to do, the better."

"I feel like there's something you're not telling me about this."

"Is there anything new about that?" Loki asked with a sigh.

"No." Thor sighed, chewing. "There's that, I suppose."

"It's a good idea, I promise."

"Just…” Thor sighed. “Don't die."

"Not without taking him with me," Loki said, with sincerity.

"Don't." Thor grabbed Loki's wrist, harder than he meant to. He stared at the floor.

"Well, obviously I prefer not to!" Loki snapped. That iron grip on his wrist was good, however. Grounding. Solid. Warm.

"Too many have died."

"Thanos hasn't. And needs to."

"Not at that cost. Not again."

"Look, Thor," Loki sighed. "I'm going to do my best not to die, because I don't like doing it!" He had some experience, now, apparently.

The burrito hung limply in his hand. "I'm going to put this in the box of ice."

Loki nodded, stepping away, sitting on the bed and pulling his knees to his chest again.

A little light went on when he opened the box. That was clever. "I'm going to get some sleep."

"You should." Loki didn't want to sleep. Things were waiting for him there. He slid out of bed, pacing slowly, absently, restlessly.

"You had nightmares, after coming back. Even when you could not speak."

"I remember." Everything since he came back was fairly clear, at least.

"I never know what to do."

"It always passed." With time.

The sheets were still damp from the pathetic attempt at washing, but the bed was whole, and the comforter was dry enough. Thor lay down on top of it.

The globe of light in the ceiling looked similar to the one in his hut. That one had been controlled by a touch panel on the wall. Loki avoided the panel that Tony said would summon him; that left three panels on the other side of the door. The far left one turned off the light in the bathroom; the center one turned off the overhead light. In the darkness, he walked to the window. The lights of the city below were beautiful, myriad little gems dancing.

"Go explore. I know you want to." Stay. Please.

"I tried to take it, once," Loki noted. Why? Had he known of it, known its value, its import? He yearned to find it - another anchor, another stake for him to hang memories from. "You'll sleep, if I go? You won't mind?"

Thor sighed. "I would rather have you here, but I don't want to confine you. Enough of that."

"Why?" Loki asked, turning to face him, genuinely curious.

He chuckled in the dark. "You can't be asking why I want you here."

“I am.”

"When I sleep - and I don't often - I wake thinking you are still dead."

"And if I'm here, you don't?"

"You've never been there when I've slept. Not since we were young."

Loki didn't want nightmares, either. But he had never tried... or had he? There was what he had done just the other night, half a world away. He slid into bed, losing his arms and legs, coiling over Thor, tasting with his tongue.

"Thank you." Thor's entire body softened, muscles he had not been aware of tensing melting gently. It almost hurt. He stroked Loki's slick flank.

Loki rested his head on Thor's broad chest, soaking up the warmth. His eyes slid closed.

"I love you. Sleep now."

Loki flicked his tongue onto Thor's neck.

"It's all right." He smiled. That tickled.

Loki settled his head. Thor needed rest. Tomorrow would be interesting.

 

* * *

 

Too warm. Stifling; a heavy weight on him... Thor opened his eyes. A cloud of dark hair obscured his vision. He instantly relaxed again. _You stayed_. Loki was wound around him, legs caught between his own, arms wrapped around him tightly. Thor settled in. He couldn't move, now.

Earthquake. The earth stirred underneath him, and rose up, a volcano of purple and gold, grabbing him, trying for his neck. Screams in the dream were huffs of whimpering breath in real life, grasping and clawing at the body under him.

"Loki." Nails carved patterns in his skin. Thor had to press him closer just to calm him - blood ran into the bedclothes. He would have to find a way to get some Midgardian money and replace all this.

Loki's eyes flashed open, full of fight and desperate defiance.

"It's me.” Thor held him, the pain a dull distraction. “Look at me."

Loki dug his fingers into Thor's chest, staring and panting.

"It's me. It's all right." He hadn't put his implant back in, but he closed his right eye. "It's me."

Loki blinked, his heart rate slowing, his grip easing. "Thor," he wheezed.

"Yes.” Thor loosened his grip just enough that his fingers would not cramp up. “Just me. You're safe."

Loki blinked, drawing in a slow, careful breath. "I thought you were _him_."

_You kept him here. You made him feel this way._ "I'm sorry." He deflated.

Loki shook his head, looking down. He raised himself up slightly. Blood on his hands, all over Thor's chest…

"It will heal."

"I did that," Loki said, looking at the gouges blearily.

"You've done worse, willingly. It's fine. I hardly feel it."

"I've done worse?" Loki touched the gouges, pushing in soothing, cold seiðr.

"Well, you've stabbed me."

"I did." He remembered it well - not the context, but the sensation. The sweet, gentle slide of his blade into flesh, a soft whisper, almost an intimacy. The memory of the _feel_ did something to Loki, something erotic.

"I didn't mind. I heal quickly."

Loki looked over at his face again. "So that's _your_ trick." It seemed a lot more useful than turning into a snake, really.

"Doesn't work for everything." He tapped the side of his empty socket.

"Good to know you're not _entirely_ perfect." Loki turned to sprawl more completely over top of him.

"Oh, there are volumes to be written on my imperfections." Thor shifted, letting Loki settle. His chest felt cool and comfortable.

"You'll have to pretend you don't have any, today." Dared Loki... ask for this?

"Is that so?" Thor glanced up.

“For the denizens of New York." Loki traced a finger down Thor's sternum.

"I've been told I can work a crowd."

"Is that what's on your mind?" Loki's finger moved slowly south.

"...not right now." His pulse was racing. He tried to raise his hips, shifting Loki's hand closer to his groin.

"Good." Loki slid down and carefully put has mouth on the head of Thor's prick. Thor had done that to him, after all, so perhaps he favored it?

“Norns!" Thor's head fell back. He stiffened fully, hard and firm against that tongue.

Loki put his mouth over the head. Yes, he could see the appeal of it. Musky, just a little sweaty. He pushed down farther, letting it fill his mouth, ease down his throat. _Your big mouth will get you in trouble one day, brother._

"Loki...!" His hair, flowing over the both of them, covering his face. Thor pulled it back, wanting to see.

Loki looked up at Thor. He seemed… interested. Good. Loki let saliva fall from his mouth, lubricating the shaft, pushing lower.

"Please; yes...!" He might come from this, in a moment or two more. Even the sight alone!

Loki pulled up a little, then pushed down again, deeper, feeling the head rubbing his throat. He squelched his desire to gag.

"You're... so, so good at that. How are you so good at that?"

How should he know? He hadn’t even realized this was good. Loki made a _don’t know_ noise and repeated the pull up, push down. He rubbed the head with his tongue as it passed by.

"So good to me. More. Please."

More. All right. Loki pressed deeper, deeper, gagging, couldn't breathe... _couldn't breathe…_

“Loki?" Something felt wrong.

Desperation. Thor. He had to... had to... he pushed deeply, lips finding the base, not _breathing_.

"It's," he gasped, shuddering in pleasure and worry; an uneasy mix. "All right. That's so good; you're so good."

Loki pulled up with a desperate gasp, then threw himself back in again. _Thor. Not Thanos._

"You can breathe. It's all right." Thor sat up fully. Loki's hair was everywhere again, and he pulled it back fully, holding it away from his face.

It was all right. It was Thor. And bad things were not bad, at his hand. Loki dove in deeper.

“There. Just so." Thor held him by the hair, staring.

Easy, this was easy; just move, simple little motions, up and down. Push panic away. This was _Thor_.

One thing. Give them this one, uncomplicated moment, and let Loki know it could be that way. Thor stroked his chin, held him. Muttered encouraging, soft sounds. It was so easy to be lost in this pleasure.

Calmer. A rhythm. Dipping deeply, pulling back. Heartbeat settling.

"Yes... That's it." Just a gently sloping hill, building slowly. Just pleasure. Loki's lips curled around him, and Thor wanted to frame them in his mind. That image.

Good. Good. A little faster now. _Not frantic_.

“I will spend myself, if you keep going. Do... do you want that?" Thor did.

Loki nodded, the slight amount this mouthful, this throatful, allowed. He needed that. A bit of Thor, _in_ him. There was a link, there. Power.

Thor bit his lip. "Then make me."

Make him? Well. Making people do things felt like his _thing_ , really. He moved faster, sucking hard every time he pulled back, choking himself every time he dipped deep.

A startling onslaught of sensation; Thor braced himself against the headboard, caught in Loki's maelstrom.

Yes. Give it to me. It's mine. Loki moved firmly, quickly, drawing it out of Thor.

Thor fell, toppled over, gasping as he crested this impossible wave of pleasure. This was seiðr, part of him thought. Seiðr between bodies, like this? No matter. All one.

Yes. Loki felt Thor's essence on his tongue, strong and thick like the man itself, flooding his throat. He swallowed it, gulped it, drowned in it.

“Loki," Thor croaked. It would not end. He floated.

When the flood slowed to a trickle, Loki lapped and sucked at Thor, taking in every bit. He practically glowed with it. _Mine_.

Thor grabbed at him, trying to pull him up, swearing and calling his name.

Loki dropped Thor's cock from his mouth in surprise as he was hauled upwards. What now??

Thor swallowed Loki's mouth with his own, pulling him close by the buttocks.

Oh, so this was _good_. That wasn't always immediately apparent... Loki kissed him back, letting him lick out any remnants of himself. Mixed with Loki's saliva. Loki wondered absently how he knew this was such potent seiðr - and if Thor knew.

Thor could taste it; he could feel it - evidence of pleasure given, nothing taken. Thor lapped it up.

Loki licked at Thor's mouth, grasping his own erection. He had earned this, after all.

“Let me.”

Loki turned onto his back, grabbing another one of those myriad bottles. "Here." Spit might work, but more slickness would be better.

Thor shoved it away, turning over and down and swallowing Loki's erection all in one.

"Oh." Loki's eyes flew wide.

A different taste than the rest of him, almost sweet and sharp. Thor gave himself to it, pressing his lips against the shaft as he moved his way slowly up it.

"Touch me down there," Loki gasped.

There was wetness; enough to wipe his fingers through and press inside. Thor's other hand moved up Loki's chest, bracing against his arching body.

"Fuck," Loki breathed, "oh, Thor..."

A knock at the door. "Hey, Point Break! Ready for your big day?"

Thor froze, Loki deep down his throat. His fingers twitched within him. His whole body sighed with circumvented want. He turned his eyes up in need and frustration.

"FUCK," Loki hissed. He tried to wiggle up and away.

Thor let him go, cock falling out of his mouth like a wet fish. He leaned up, wiping at his lips. "A glorious morning!" He pulled the covers around his waist.

Loki turned to an angry, frustrated wasp, flying to the windowsill to sulk.

"I got you set up for breakfast, coffee..."

"You remember my fondness for your excellent beverage." He knew what he must look like; there had been mirrors in Jane's bedroom. _An unexpected, dull ache_. Still. Sheet held firmly in place, he opened the door, trying not to breathe like the lovelorn man he was.

"Hoo, looks like you had quite the night!" Bad dreams, perhaps. That was common, these days. Tony tried not to take pills _every_ night.

"Bad dreams," Thor muttered. "The, um, bed may have suffered."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Looks okay from here. I won't look closer.”

"I am denser than I appear."

Tony laughed, then stopped. "Oh, you mean... physically. Well, we'll get you something a little more sturdy."

"That would be excellent, and I thank you." Stark was still standing there, glancing between Thor and the bed. "Uh, I should..." he looked down at the sheet.

"Yeah, I'll leave you to get showered up. If you want some food and coffee, don't take too long. Big morning, chop-chop!" Tony snapped his fingers and pointed at Thor as he backed out of the room.

 

* * *

 

"Yeah," Steve said to the hot loaf on the counter, "I don't know. It's really none of my business." The bread remained silent, but an answer came from the table by the window, followed by the crunching of a crisp, green apple.

"Bullshit."

Steve sighed. "We all have our ways of coping."

"This is different, though."

"How?" A hint of annoyance was starting to creep into his voice, which annoyed Steve further. He didn't have time for this; there were practical, actually useful things for him to care and worry about. Like feeding people. They could talk about coping mechanisms all night, but there were Wakanda children who were actually alone and scared and hungry. A little perspective would be nice. He carefully set the finished bread aside, and placed another three loaves in the oven. Honestly, figuring out the Celsius was harder than actually working this high tech equipment; it was all high tech, to Steve. Tearing off his oven gloves, he sighed and glanced over at Bucky. "Fine. Tell me why I should get myself mixed up into this."

"You've been telling me since day one; it never felt right."

"Loki coming back?" Steve sat down in the chair opposite and grabbed his own apple from the basket between them. There were plenty to go around. "Well, no. It was a little far-fetched, to be honest."

"Almost insulting?" Bucky did that half-smile thing he thought Steve didn't notice. Steve always noticed.

"I didn't say that."

"I know; that's why I'm saying it."

Steve grinned at him. Bucky always knew exactly what to say. Always had. "I guess. Yeah. We all lost people, you know? Some more than others, and then Loki _literally falls out of the sky_? What; just to make Thor happy?" He ran his lips along the apple skin, not quite committed to biting it yet. "It didn't add up."

"But you didn't want to say anything."

Steve shrugged. "What would I say? I figured, if it was real, it was real, and all the best to them both. And if it wasn't..." He looked up at Bucky askew. "Well, if it wasn't, would you want to be the one to tell the God of Thunder?"

"There's only one God, Steve." Bucky leered at him, a huge chunk of apple in his mouth.

"Oh, shut up." They both giggled. "I really don't know. Asgard, you know, it's a complete unknown. Maybe they can bring people back to life? Or maybe they can make a really convincing replica."

"Do you think Shuri knows?"

Steve shook his head. "I have no idea. I know Thor's been up there with... him. More than once. But I try to stay out of it." Steve tried to stay out of everything, these days. The value he had was in penance.

Bucky put his apple down and looked at him. In the light from the window, he looked almost like he had before the war. _The_ war; not the confusing messes they'd been dealing with since Steve woke up. "What did you see, exactly? And don't say you don't know."

"I..." It had happened so fast. Too fast. Like it had been intentional. "I was walking by the river, and he was sitting there, just staring. So I said hello. He looked over, greeted me. We started talking. He seemed a little distracted, to be honest. And then..." He frowned. Such a brief moment; barely even there, in his memory. "He sort of... flickered. I didn't think much of it, but we were talking about Thor, and then I put an arm on his shoulder-"

"-and it went right through him."

"Yeah." Steve put his own apple back in the basket. He folded his hands. "It just... hit a little too close to home, you know?"

"Yeah." Bucky smiled again. Fully, this time, which meant he really wasn't. "Difference is though, I'm not really here."

"I know," Steve said, leaning over into the place Bucky wasn't, resting his head on the table. "I know."

 

* * *

 

Tony sipped at his latte. These little things that made it seem like the world was still normal, albeit briefly. "No Asgard, you say."

"Yes. That's... That happened."

"We need to find you a place to live, then. And that brother of yours."

"You are a good man, Stark." Far too good to lie to, Thor thought, guiltily.

"Yea, trying to find you a house, I'm a fuckin' saint." Tony looked out of the window. "The crowd is looking a little ugly. And this is Manhattan, so that's saying something."

"I can relate." Was that the right term?

Tony laughed. "Not likely."

"We're here, Mister Stark." The boy who had been driving them brought the car to a smooth stop behind the large raised platform.

"It's Tony, I told you. Thanks, Stuart." Tony unbelted himself. "Ready or not, it's showtime."

"I explained about the, um, stick, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you're going to make it look like that big fuckin' ax. Impress all of the regulars. I like it. That's your thing, illusions, isn't it?" Tony winked, sliding out of the car. Thor could be so… oddly transparent, sometimes.

"Sometimes?" How did Loki DO this so easily?

"Awesome. We might need it. Come on." Tony held the door for him.

Thor exited carefully, grasping his stick. Loki had better not be omitting the truth about this particular thing.

Loki made sure the stick looked like that wicked, shimmering ax. He buzzed his way to a nearby tree and settled in it as a bird, for a better view. Yes, Thor needed to look just a _little_ taller, just a _little_ more muscular, just a _little_ more handsome, haunted, and potent. There. Perfect.

The noises that greeted them were mixed in tone as they sat behind the mayor at the lectern. Not a happy crowd overall. Thor had seen his fair few of those.

"Good morning, ladies, gentlemen, New Yorkers of all stripes." The heckling started almost immediately. The mayor plunged on ahead regardless.

"I've seen more welcoming crowds at Phillys games," Tony noted, chewing on a finger. He pulled out some note cards, looked through them, settled on _don’t be a dick_ , and put them away.

Where was Loki, come to that? He might be needed, if things got ugly. Thor looked around for anything familiar.

Loki, in pigeon form, shat on Tony's car and flew to a nearby tree.

"We are strong," the mayor concluded. "And we will rebuild - all of us together." He stepped back from the lectern amid some cheers, some hoots, and some whistles.

Tony jumped to his feet, feeling like he was leaping into a tumbrel. "Yeah, rebuild." He stepped to the lectern. "I won't lie to you and say I've lost just as much as you have. Because this hit everyone differently. I didn't have parents or siblings or kids to lose, just a few good friends." He had wanted kids. Talked about it. Would that just have been another opportunity to be devastated?

Yells and whistles from the audience.  _Fuck you_ was discernible.

"Yeah, fuck me. I tried, but I couldn't. I failed you. All I can do now is throw some money and muscle at the problem. We're missing a lot of good people that we need right now. If you want to help, we're having a crash course in medical care at Bellevue, 24/7. I've had my man Stuart and his bunch make an app, just search for FuckThanos, Android or Apple, for New York-specific resources. There's nothing more I can say to make it better. I can't bring anything back. All we can do is tend to the people still here."

Murmurs and grumbles, more thoughtful, now.

"To that end, I brought some muscle to help with the cleanup. Wakanda has lent us some tech to stabilize buildings damaged by..." Driverless cars, pilotless planes and helicopters. "The event. And this guy." Tony waved to indicate Thor. "He lost everything. And so he came here, to New York, to help us re-make our homes while he tries to find one."

Thor stood, smiling without really trying. That sort of happened of its own accord. Usually when he was nervous, for whatever reason. "People of New York! I stand before you in humble sympathy. You are all warriors - and the battle is not yet won. I am here to fight by your side."

Loki made his voice project to the whole crowd, rich and deep.

"What do you know about our daily battles, cracker?" a woman yelled.

"Nothing." Thor tried to turn in her direction. "I cannot presume to know. I offer nothing but an able body." He remembered, luckily in time, "and my axe."

"Then come do something with it," a man yelled. "We're tired of speeches."

"We will," Tony promised from his chair. "We're starting in Harlem." Murmurs spread through the crowd.

"Who here needs help. Right now; what can I do? For any of you? I will try." This was a lot harder when he didn’t think he was an invincible demigod.

"We all do," the first woman yelled. "...s'why we're here! _We_ ain't millionaires!"

"Then let us help! Give me a task, and I will do it. I have only the clothes I am wearing, and this axe." He held it aloft, without much enthusiasm.

Loki fluttered in the tree as the crowd grumbled and murmured. He should have taken this role. He would have offered, too, if he hadn't been so sulky…

"Hey, Loki?" A voice, elsewhere.

Loki whipped his bird-head to the left and to the right, seeking out the source.

"Uh, hello?" The... whatever it was; the thing that looked like Loki wasn't responding. Steve took a step closer. "I just want to talk."

_Captain America. Avenger._ Loki spread his wings defensively, focusing on Wakanda, the bearded man nearby.

"I know you're not really here."

Shit, Loki did not have time for this! He did not want to split his attention, not now. "What do you care?" he said, his vision of Thor struggling onstage overlaid with a gently flowing stream.

"I don't. Personally. But if you're not Loki, or if this is some sort of trick you're playing on Thor, I'd like to make it my business."

"He's a good _friend_ of yours, isn't he," Loki noted. "God Bless America!"

"We've never really had that much time to get to know one another. I, uh, appreciate the sentiment?"

"Did you want some _bonding_ time with me?" Loki looked at him steadily. "You wanted to kill me, last time we met."

"Oh, so you remember, now? I was told you were a blank slate."

"Bits and pieces are coming back," Loki noted. "And Thor has filled in some of the blanks."

"And where are you now?"

“Wakanda. Here. By a stream.” Loki looked at it.

"Yes, well, I'm in Wakanda. And this," he waved a hand through the clever illusion, "is not you."

He obviously already knew. Somehow, Loki had slipped - probably during the _sex_ he had been having with Thor. He let the man's hand go through him. "I can see you, you can see me. We are conversing. Corporeal or no, I am in Wakanda."

"You know what I mean. Is Thor in danger?"

Tony was standing up with him, as well, giving him a little support, Loki noted. The crowd was coming around. "He's doing all right."

"And you're.. you know..." how to put it, "the Loki he thinks you are? The one he lost?"

"As far as I know," Loki replied, smoothly.

"I can't exactly say I trust you, but you sound like the Loki I met."

"Only an idiot would trust me," Loki agreed. "And yet, I've lost most of my incentive, haven't I. Mischief loses its sting when half the population is gone."

"Yeah, well, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer."

"Is that an accurate description of the America that you represent?" Loki needled. The speech was winding down. Loki tried to give it some attention.

"The America I represented no longer exists." Had it ever?

"Odd. Then why is my brother working so hard to rebuild it, while you are here?"

"I don't mean..." Steve shook his head. "You wouldn't understand."

"No, I wouldn't." Loki stared at him steadily. "I don't pretend there are heroes in this world, and I certainly don't pretend I am one of them. And I never have."

"You're with him right now, aren't you?" The way his eyes shifted. How unsteady this image was.

"I'm watching him promise to help those Americans that don't exist."

"Yeah, OK. You're far too good at that not to be the real Loki." And Steve shouldn’t rise to it. He really shouldn’t. Old habits died hard, he supposed.

"Well, look at you," Bucky grinned, slapping his back. "That's the first time in years I've seen you care enough to even consider defending yourself."

Steve ignored him.

"There is no bigger arsehole in the universe, I'm lead to understand." Loki looked out over the savanna. "I know my role."

Steve nodded. "I guess this really is none of my business, then." He moved to leave, then, at the last moment, turned. "Go easy on Tony, would you? He's been through a lot, too."

"I thought you tried to kill him."

“And I saw you stab your brother."

"Yes." Loki studied Steve's bearded face. "So did you want to kill him, or want to fuck him?" he needled.

Behind him, Bucky laughed. Steve, for his part, shrugged. "Is there really that much of a difference?"

"Yes. I have zero desire to fuck Thanos."

"Well," Steve said, pretending to consider. "Maybe he wanted to fuck you?"

"So that's what you wanted of him?" Loki replied, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Just checking up. I'm not good for much these days, but at least I can be a watchdog. Be seeing you."

Loki waved his hand airily. "Run off, then, puppy."

Steve turned to look at him. "You know, I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever called me." And his smile, he found, was genuine.

 

* * *

 

Loki focused back on the talk in Central Park. It seemed to be wrapping up... better than he feared.

Thor couldn't help scan the area nervously as Tony spoke so easily about everything. It all seemed a little too easy; a little like getting something for nothing. The crowd was mellowing, but crowds were not an animal. They were a herd, and herds could be spooked.

Oh, for God's sake... More or less. Loki flew to his shoulder as a wasp and landed close to his ear. "Tony is going to give you one last statement. Make it _definitive_ ," he murmured.

The relief he felt at Loki’s voice and presence almost worried Thor. He nodded, imperceptibly. Well, either way, people would just think he was agreeing with Tony.

Loki spoke as quickly as he dared. "Don't tell them 'I'll do whatever you need with my ax.' It sounds weak. Gives them control. Tell them either "We will rebuild and make New York again the envy of the World and Nine Realms!" and put your fist in the air, or do some sort of "Thanos will rue the day he meddled with New York!" and put that ax in the air. You choose, but _lead them_."

Thor tried not to smile. Loki spoke like these were the Asgardians the had led (and so well; it struck him again) or perhaps the wild animal Loki had tamed for Thanos. They were neither. This was a different beast. The question was not one of what to say, but one of 'who are they'? Tony was wrapping up. Well, perhaps he could show his brother who was the statesman among them.

"... Isn't that right, big guy?"

They had quieted down. Thor knew enough to know that was not a good sign; not acceptance, but hesitation. He stepped forward. "Valhalla," he roared, "is gone. Above him, clouds gathered slowly. The sky, bit by bit, was going deep purple. "My world was torn asunder by the claws of a fiery demon; drowned in fire and blood. Asgard is gone." A peal of thunder, softly, like an animal trapped, far away. "But not lost. New York," he paused; little blue flames rose up his arms, curling around what he could see was just a stick, lighting up the darkening twilight; "is not lost." He could feel the power now; filling his eyes, his head; all of him. He rose from the platform, lightning carrying him upward on a jet of icy flame. "We will rebuild. Rise again. For we are warriors!"

With a mighty crack, debris began to rise around them, settling in a spiral around the dais - then up, to the side, and down in a spire of brick and stone and dirt.

"Nice," Loki murmured in his ear, admiringly.

"Asgard," Thor roared, eyes half closing at Loki's words, "is a people. New York is a people. And we cannot be conquered!" He held the stick aloft, a burst of lightning rising from it, as from the torch of the mighty statue he had seen. The twirling white and blue echoed its shape; a flaming beacon.

“Now that's how you leave an impression,” Loki noted.

Thor was gasping, trying to smile affably at the crowd at the same time, feeling the power drain away. The clouds parted, bathing everyone on the platform in rays of bright sunlight. He glanced over at Tony.

"Well, good to know you're not a god,” he noted, blandly. “Done?"

"Was that all right, you think?”

"Yeah, not bad. Come on, it's time to make the dramatic exit." Tony waved and stepped down the back of the stage, towards the car.

Thor followed him, gratefully. These were things that should not be forced, and doing so almost felt... disingenuous.

"Success, Mister Stark?" Stuart opened the door for them.

"Not bad. And it's Tony." Tony slipped into the back of the car. The boy looked very little like Peter, but damned if he didn’t act a lot alike. Just a little more experienced with the ugliness of the world. It was hard to take.

Thor followed, leaning back in the seat and closing his eyes. "I don't usually have to think so hard about what I'm doing. You're good at that."

"It's not innate. I had to practice it a _lot_." Obadiah had helped. And wasn’t _that_ a rabbit hole for his brain to spiral down.

"Where to, Mister Stark?"

"God _damn_ it, Stuart," Tony sighed. "Harlem. Let's start at the Red Rooster."

“It is a fine city.”

"I like it. So, I wasn't kidding - we'll start with the demolition and construction in Harlem, after a few photo ops with Marcus. I promised you just a few days, so we'll make the most of it." He nibbled his finger. "Thank you. Big time."

"It feels like so little. In the grand scheme of things."

"Yeah, but it feels like a lot to everyone whose home we rebuild." Not to mention that it sent a message. Even seeing just a few homes go up was a drastic shift in the tone, and helped to start a positive feedback loop.

Thor nodded. That, he could see. It was the talking that seemed so frustratingly fruitless. "Anything I can do, please ask." He hesitated. "I know how you feel about my brother, but there are things he can provide, too. He wants to help. Not in person, here, I see that, but if there is anything at all..."

Tony sighed, scratched his head, cracked his knuckles, and looked out of the window. His thoughts were not orderly, but Thor was just going to have to deal with it. "Look. This is my home. I grew up here. I was here when some young men with a lot of conviction tried to make a point by killing a lot of people. I decided I had the opportunity to get even richer than I was already while being a Good Guy, making interesting new weapons to _get back at them_. Not them, of course, but everyone who looked like them. And then I found out I was just the same as them, only with a higher body count and less conviction. So I told myself, no more killing." He rubbed his beard with a sigh. "I've done kind of a bad job with that, but I'm trying. Which is to say, when I see your brother, I see those young guys. And if I can redeem myself, I should allow the possibility that he can, too. But not everyone who lives here agrees with me, and they get as much of a vote as I do, yeah?"

"There was a time I felt the same. You're being far more charitable than I was."

"What changed your mind?" Tony asked, curiously.

"It's..." He turned to the window, eyes flickering over the houses still standing. "I'm not sure I can explain it. Have you looked into the eyes of someone you love, and wondered if there is no feeling there? Like they were playing a part, all their life, and you just never knew it?"

Well. Speaking of Obadiah. “Yeah. I think I get that.”

"Well, in my case, I realized I had it the wrong way around."

Tony leaned back. "Clarify."

"If someone you've known for 1400 years suddenly seems completely different, maybe it's not that you didn't notice they were always like that. Maybe it's because they aren't themselves. Maybe something happened to them." He turned to Tony, and moved part of his breastplate to one side. The scars were barely there anymore, but you could see the depth. "He had a nightmare, a while ago. I don't know what he was remembering, but he didn't recognize me. Attacked me with his nails, his teeth; like a cornered animal."

"You had me right up to 'he goes crazy in his sleep and might hurt people.' That's where you made we wish we had gotten that circlet on him before," Tony coughed, " _we_ came here."

"You asked me how I knew. He wasn't angry, he was scared." Thor smiled at another memory. "He spends a lot of time in animal form. It's the only way he can get peace. Only way he can sleep."

"Yeah, I saw that. He can turn into animals. So what is he right now?" Tony asked, bluntly.

Loki buzzed sheepishly.

"Uh..." Thor did his best not to glance up at the tiny shape. He hadn't realized Loki had come back into the car.

Fuck it all, Loki decided. He had heard enough, learned enough, interfered enough. Tony was either all right with it, or he wasn't.

The thing about Loki, Tony pondered, was that seeing him next to his brother made him _look_ small. That didn't mean he wasn't almost inhumanly tall himself, and despite his lack of Thor's breadth, he still filled the back seat of a car fairly well, especially when he appeared in it out of, seemingly, nowhere. He still wore the Wakandan clothing that Tony's tailor would chop his left arm off to get his hands on. One arm was stretched insouciantly across the back of the seat - in such a way as to drape possessively around his brother, Tony couldn't help noticing. "Hello, Tony," Loki purred.

"Must you always be so dramatic?" Thor asked.

"Yes, actually," Loki replied.

"I'm just glad I have tinted windows." Tony pulled a flask from his pocket. It was early, but it was already turning into one of _those_ days.

"You KNOW this is a bad idea."

"Coming here at all was." Loki left the interpretation of _here_ open.

"I'm not shocked, just for the record. But could you... be someone else for a moment? While we're figuring this out?" Tony asked.

"Someone more wholesome?" Loki changed his appearance to Captain America - clean-shaven, square-jawed, in a tight blue suit that molded over his substantial muscles.

"...maybe not the best choice." Thor glanced at Tony.

Tony played with the flask in his hands. That figure, so close. Not the bearded, battered man he had seen so briefly, but the man he had spent so much time with, had grown to feel so much affection for, before it all fell apart. “Getting the band back together, eh? Only, the real Steve is sulking in Wakanda, and I'm trying not to annoy him too much, because..." Tony scratched his head. "Why again? I don't know. Anyway. Just be a new assistant, all right?"

Loki sighed dramatically and turned into a stunningly beautiful young black girl, dressed in an immaculate suit, her hair braided in a thousand tiny braids and then pulled back from her face. Glasses perched on her nose. "Like this, Mister Stark?"

"Sure, why not." Tony gave in and took a good dose from his flask.

"You are not making this easy for us, brother."

"I'm sorry, have you _met_ me?" She pushed her glasses up, her eyes glittering at him.

This Loki? Yes, he had. Something achingly familiar, despite that current form, welled up in him, and Thor swallowed his retort. "This is the sort of attitude that got you killed," he said instead, fondly.

And took away his memory. Himself. His agency. It left him a befuddled actor thrust onstage without a script, everyone saying their lines and looking at him expectantly. Loki nodded soberly. "I can't seem to help it."

"Yeah, here - just park anywhere," Tony called to the driver.

"Yes, Mister Stark."

"It's... _goddam_ it, Stuart..." Tony rubbed his forehead.

While Tony was distracted, Thor gave Loki's hand a slight squeeze.

Tony stepped out of the car, letting Stuart hold the door for Thor and Loki. Marcus must have gotten a heads-up; he stood there like a perfect sculpture of a human, dressed to the nines in bright reds and blues that Tony could never get away with. "Marcus."

A handsome man of sinewy strength greeted them. Thor bowed as behooved a respected community leader, following Tony's lead.

"Ah, Thor." Marcus switched to very careful, precise Swedish. "En ära at ha dig hos oss, Asagud!"

"Æren er på min side, Marcus, sønn av Samuel." Thor grinned. The Norse tongue was all one. He favored Norwegian, for sentimental reasons, but Swedes and Danes would just as easily understand. "Men la oss bruke allmannamål - vi forvirrer min gode venn her borte." He winked, nodding in Tony’s direction.

“As you say." Marcus grasped his shoulder.  
  
Tony let it go. "Sorry about," Tony sighed, "your staff."  
  
"The ones that remain wanted to come back to work," Marcus sighed. "I offered them a month off, they wanted a week. And the ones who aren't on shift this morning are here to help."

The smell of food was overwhelming. It occurred to Thor just how long he had gone without eating properly. He grinned, somewhat distractedly.

"We will feed your large friend and your lovely assistants, and then get to work. We have worked with community leaders to triage - after all, some of these buildings had very few families left inside, and they have agreed to move in order to consolidate the restoration work."

"You do great works here." The languages stirred something in Thor; a taste of something ancient. A childhood memory, walking along earthen streets, great wooden buildings.

"Well, I make very good chicken." Marcus waved them inside.

****

* * *

 

"Cooking is an art I have never mastered," Thor noted, pleasantly.

Without the exact memory, Loki still knew it to be true, that his brother could not cook. And yet, this place did feel like... some sort of unremembered childhood. Something about the sound, the feel, the _smell_. He picked at the food thoughtfully as Thor devoured his share.

"Just sinful," Tony said admiringly as he wiped his mouth.

"A fine meal." And, interestingly, the first one Thor had truly enjoyed since... the end of things. He glanced at Loki.

"Little miss Lean And Hungry Look." Tony pushed his plate away. "All right, are you ready to do some controlled demolitions? I'm going to tackle the welding."

"I have been told I do that rather well."

"I bet you do. And it's going to look great in pictures. Pulling down is always more dramatic than putting up. Can the snake do anything useful?"

"Yes," Loki replied.

Thor frowned. How did he know? "He probably wants specifics, br... my friend."

Loki shrugged, meeting Tony's eyes levelly. "Demolition involves a great deal of dust. Some of it deadly. I can contain it."

Thor gave Tony a look of this-is-what-I've-been-trying-to-say.

"That'll work." Tony finished his coffee and fished for his wallet.

Marcus walked over and waved at them. "On the house, this time. Just get my people their homes back."

"It shall be done."

"Can you still fly?" Tony asked Thor, calling his nanobots to form his armor around him as they walked out to the parking lot.

"I can try." Lightning could lift him as well as any hammer. Better, at that.

"I can if I change," Loki noted to Tony, "but you're probably going to veto that, aren't you."

"Yup. Fully negatory, ghost rider."

"I can lift him. Her." This was getting confusing, even to Thor.

"I can take Miz L. Either way, it's fine." And what was wrong with wanting to carry what looked enough like a gorgeous woman to work for him?

"I only _look_ like a woman, you know," Loki told him.

"It's the thought that counts."

"Don't give him ideas," Thor grinned.

“Sorry to break it to you, but I'm full of bad ideas." Tony put his arm around Loki's waist, and what appeared to be a pretty young woman looked glacier-eyed death at him. "I'm just glad I'm wearing armor."

"He only stabs people he likes."

"And I hate you," Loki reassured Tony, brightly. It wasn’t too much of a lie.

"I feel better. Hang on. And follow me, Whitesnake." Tony lifted himself and Loki gently into the air.

Sighing, Thor followed, lifting on a fine thread of silvery blue.

Loki looked curiously at the ground below. This felt very familiar, flying across the cityscape, seeing it intermittently devastated below. The people poked each other and pointed up at Iron Man and Thor - startling streaks of red and electric blue, respectively, beacons of hope in a warm spring sky.

It was almost criminally naive, but heartwarming.


	5. Chapter 5

_A program to develop the talents of inner-city youth._ ****  
** **

Part of Stuart cringed at description of the program on the flier.  He wasn’t an _inner-city youth_.  He was a person, a human, not just a figure to bolster some white liberal’s Good Person statistics. ****  
** **

But on the other hand, it meant a college grant.  A generous one. And a summer internship at Stark Industries, which would give Stuart something to put on an otherwise blank CV.  It was a future. ****  
** **

A very long shot at a future, admittedly.  But every other shot was impossibly longer. ****  
** **

The application process was almost absurdly simple.  A one-page description of an open-ended proposal, and two pages to describe the technical aspects.  Stuart could just see some bored administrator flipping through them, looking for… something, no way of knowing what.  Stuart had to make his proposal stand out, something punchy and sharp, but still scientifically valid. ****  
** **

At least he could come up with a decent header for his proposal.  THIS WILL NOT SAVE THE WORLD. BUT IT WILL HELP. The two pages of blueprints were painstakingly hand-drawn, repeated over and over until they were perfect.  He stole cigarettes from various stores and sold them in order to buy draft paper and pencils – and a long train ride it was, to get to a part of the city that sold that sort of thing.  His part didn’t. ****  
** **

And then it was waiting, running home from school every day to ask momma if a letter had come, to deflate visibly when she told him _, no, but baby, don’t fret, these things take time, now I have to run to my night shift_ … ****  
** **

When the answer came, it was far more dramatic than a letter.  A ridiculously nice car, sleek and shining and purring with power, pulling up outside of the school when it let out on the second to the last day of the year, Mister Stark standing outside of it in a suit and dark glasses, looking like a caricature of the pictures Stuart had seen.  “Stuart Wright? Get in.” ****  
** **

“Momma told me never to get into a car with a strange man,” Stuart noted, with a half-smile. ****  
** **

“I’m stranger than she ever could have imagined.” ****  
** **

The car was big and quiet, the seats smoothly luxurious.  Stuart couldn’t help looking around like a tourist in a new city at the sand-colored leather, the various little compartments, the brushed aluminum trim. ****  
** **

“Needless to say, you won the grant.  I’m an asshole, but I’m not so much of an asshole that I’d come out with bells on to tell you that you got second place.”  Mister Stark pulled Stuart’s application from a pocket between the seats. It was the original, visibly leafed-through and marked up.  “Do you know why you were chosen?” ****  
** **

“I hope it’s because my application was just that awesome.” ****  
** **

“In a sense, yeah.”  Mister Stark waved it at Stuart.  “I looked through a lot of these. A lot of them were just plain crap.  Plenty of them were brilliant, though. Yours was just one brilliant proposal among many, so what made yours stand out?”  Mister Stark paused for dramatic effect. “It was the only one that wasn’t free-standing. The only one that set itself in a world where there were other brilliant people working in synergy with you.  You solved a problem with a _system_.  I like that, kid.  I like brilliance that knows that cooperation is critical.” ****  
** **

“So I have the internship?” ****  
** **

“Yeah.  I’ll give you some more info – I have a whole packet of legal crap – but basically, you start in five days.  If you choose to accept.” ****  
** **

“Oh yeah.” Stuart nodded so hard he thought his head might fly off.  “I do. I really, really do.”

Three days later, the world came to an end. ****  
** **

But Stuart lived on.  His mother and little brother disappeared, but he did not.  And so, he dutifully showed up at Stark Tower on the day noted on his acceptance letter.  He had nothing else. ****  
** **

“Bad timing, kid.”  Mister Stark looked tired.  He looked _old_.  “I don’t know what to tell you.” ****  
** **

“Look, Mister Stark.”  It wasn’t like Stuart had anything to lose.  “Let me work for you. I can be anything, a personal assistant, anything you need.  Let me work in your lab at night. I’ve got nothing, Mister Stark. Let me… let me help you, so I can have something.” ****  
** **

Mister Stark fiddled with his glasses.  “Can you take dictation?” ****  
** **

“Yes.”  Stuart could type pretty quickly, and he had ears. ****  
** **

“Can you drive?” ****  
** **

“Yeah, totally.”  He could figure it out. ****  
** **

“Can you be polite and discreet with a lot of strange people who get involved in my business?” ****  
** **

Stuart shrugged.  “Mister Stark, I’m in no position to think anyone else is _strange_.  I’m totally cool with it, I promise.” ****  
** **

“I’m going to stretch that.  Let’s give it a week and see if it works out.  You get my coffee, you take me where I need to go, you take notes on whatever comes out of my mouth.  In your spare time, you can use the lab, but I have rights to alter or veto anything you work on, and _no weapons_.  Is that clear?” ****  
** **

Excitement surged in Stuart.  A future. _I’ll do it for you, momma._  “Yes, Mister Stark.” ****  
** **

“Tony, please.  _Mister_ makes me feel even older than I am.  Anything else?” ****  
** **

He should keep it to himself.  This was not a proud part of him.  It was a part that he routinely did not divulge.  But the week after Armageddon was no day for lies, even of omission.  “I’m gay.” ****  
** **

“My lawyers drew up very clear and gender-neutral sexual harassment guidelines for me to follow.  You’re good. Anything else?” ****  
** **

“No.” ****  
** **

The days after the end of the world were far busier than Stuart might have expected.  Mister Stark was endlessly busy. He was, Stuart quickly learned, intimately integrated into New York politics.  He met with the mayor about every other day, and various city officials on an ad-hoc basis that was often more than once a day.  Stabilizing the city’s power grid was a critical project, and one of great personal interest to Stuart. He took clear and pithy notes, annotated with his own thoughts, and Mister Stark gave him quick compliments, sometimes a literal pat on the back. ****  
** **

He also sent Stuart for coffee often, and had impolite comments about his driving.  Stuart took the comments to heart, and watched videos on YouTube to learn tips to improve his smoothness and professionalism. ****  
** **

He also realized, rather quickly, that he wanted to have sex with Mister Stark. ****  
** **

It was likely all artificial.  He was just leaving his teens, after all, and sometimes felt like he’d have sex with a stuffed animal in the right circumstances.  And Mister Stark was the only person he wasn’t related to who he had told about him liking men, and the man hadn’t been disgusted. He was quirky and brilliant.  That was appealing. ****  
** **

He was straight, though, and he had lost his woman.   ****  
** **

And so Stuart behaved himself, and so the probationary week came and went.  Stuart reminded Mister Stark of it, after another week had passed. _Did he have to pick up his things and go home?_ ****  
** **

“Where else am I going to find someone who can take detailed notes, has revolutionary ideas on capacitor design, and can mix a drink that would make a strong man cry?” ****  
** **

It wasn’t like that meant Stark Tower was his home.  But it meant he had a place, at least, and Stuart would take that.

****

* * *

****

Loki stood on the ground, looking up at Thor flying around the condemned building, finding just the right places to strike it to bring it crashing down. He held out his hands, feeling the air, feeling the invisible little bits of building that were starting to release, to find their independence.  Dust, wood, splinters... yes, and fine fibers of death, old resistance to fire, antiquated and sullen with neglect. Loki caught them in an invisible net - along with colorful fragments of metal, again, old and heavy with poison. He had no power to demolish walls, but as Thor pulverized them, he pulled the dust together, tightly, bound with air and seiðr, hard bricks tucked into a corner of the site. ****  
** **

Thor could feel Loki working; sense the way the fragments were drawn to him. Healing, shaping; protecting. He sighed, striking a particularly hard blow at a stubborn fixture. What had _happened_ to his clever, gifted brother? ****  
** **

Loki pulled the filth and poison to him, collecting it, damping it, settling it.  It felt good to know he was... helping people. That felt no less him than the him who loved to unsettle, to wind up, to prank. What was the real _him_? ****  
** **

The building trembled from Thor's onslaught. It felt... not good, exactly, but a little too close to battle for comfort. Did he enjoy that? Which of them were the more destructive? ****  
** **

The building was razed practically to the ground. The dense blocks that Loki was creating were stacked to less than a floor's worth in an area narrower than Loki's armspan. He projected his voice to Thor's ear. "You probably need to rip out the basement, too. Tony said this would be remade into a park." ****  
** **

Thor nodded, knowing Loki could see better than he, at this distance. He concentrated, focusing his force on the foundation. ****  
** **

It was like art, a sort of dance without music. Blows without blood, Thor's muscles flexing, moving, _performing_ , shimmering with sweat in the low afternoon light. A crowd had gathered to watch. Pride and jealousy battled in Loki's stomach. ****  
** **

Loki was watching him. Funny how that worked; since they were children, they'd always been competing. Even when they weren't doing the same thing. Thor took a deep breath, and a large portion of concrete fell away. ****  
** **

Norns, a whole wall at once! Loki struggled to capture the pulverized masonry. ****  
** **

Hel, this was also like their childhood; getting too carried away and breaking something. A young couple stood a little too close for comfort, very nearly in the path of the falling debris. Thor smiled at them. "Fall back, please." The shorter, blonde boy pulled his dark-haired partner out of the way, startled. Thor smiled at them again, winking. "Excellent!" ****  
** **

"A fine master of public safety you are, Thor," Loki teased in his ear. ****  
** **

"Sorry," Thor mouthed, so Loki could see him form the words. "I'll do better." ****  
** **

"You have to argue with me," Loki pouted, forming the concrete fragments into a sculpture of a wyrm. ****  
** **

"Why? Does it annoy you when I don't?" A slightly less massive fragment this time, but enough to be a challenge, certainly with Loki's attention elsewhere. ****  
** **

"Yes!" Blast, Loki had missed that piece while making his sculpture. He gathered up the masses of fragments it had shattered into on the bottom of the basement. The dust formed an upraised middle finger before compressing into another dense brick. ****  
** **

Thor laughed, upping his pace. Smaller fragments, more quickly. From different angles. ****  
** **

Loki grabbed them as the flew, almost like a game. "Record time!" he gasped, panting with the effort. "Fourteen stories, down to zero!" ****  
** **

"Couldn't have done it without you." ****  
** **

"Could have, you'd just still be doing the cleanup," Loki pulled in a breath. ****  
** **

"So you're the cleaning boy?" ****  
** **

"Cleaning woman, at the moment." Loki sent tendrils of awareness into the air and soil, looking for anything he might have missed. ****  
** **

Thor, settling on the ground, walked over, close enough for semi-privacy. "I can always see through you, you know." ****  
** **

"Could you always?" One more compacted square of debris, settling on the pile. ****  
** **

"I don't know. I think so." He shook his head. "Maybe." ****  
** **

"I can't remember."  Just a hole in the dirt, now.  Loki could feel life around him - grubby, nocturnal, hidden life, the sort that gravitated to him.  Worms, roaches, silverfish, some rats. He called them over to the dirt hole. _Come, explore, live and die, be killed, make this soil live with your death._ ****  
** **

"You did something, just there." He could... not feel it, exactly. Some other sense he'd never really developed. ****  
** **

"If it's going to be a park, the soil needs to be alive," Loki sniffed. "It's dead right now." ****  
** **

"And you're bringing it back to life." ****  
** **

"I'm calling all of the vermin to do so."  It would take time. ****  
** **

"Yes. As I said." Bringer of life. ****  
** **

"It's what we all do. Eventually." Loki shrugged. ****  
** **

"Not for a good long while." He put a hand on the small of Loki’s back. ****  
** **

Loki looked like a pretty young woman, after all. There would be no particular scandal to him kissing Thor on the lips, and so he did - firmly, possessively. ****  
** **

A whoop or two from the crowd - Thor was dimly aware of them, much like the illusion overlaying Loki. He pulled him close, kissing him deeply. ****  
** **

His. Nobody else's.  Loki pushed closer. ****  
** **

Well, that was a photo op, wasn’t it.  The only tricky bit would be explaining who the hell the woman was.  "Nice job, lovebirds." Tony settled to the ground near them. "I particularly like the dragon." ****  
** **

“That was not one of mine." As though Thor could create anything of note. He did not pull away fully, keeping an arm around Loki's waist. ****  
** **

"It has your brother's look."  Superficially attractive and potentially dangerous. ****  
** **

"The sculpture is safe," Loki noted, getting Tony’s drift. "The debris in the corner has poison. We have pulled it out of the dirt. The soil is rich - plants will grow well here." ****  
** **

"I hope so. Marcus wants to make a community garden." Life to give hope, after all the death. Something for the community to focus on. And a very practical resource. ****  
** **

“All I did was tear things down." Thor looked at Loki, an odd mix of fondness, pride and aimless nostalgia. When had Loki last used these powers? _In Asgard. While you were fruitlessly questing._ ****  
** **

“That's a week's worth of work, at least, in less than a day,” Tony noted.  “I might owe you some overtime. Want to do one more little job before we call it a day?” ****  
** **

"Name it." ****  
** **

"I've been setting up a frame over thataway.”  Tony jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Hold it up while I nail it in place, and our work on that apartment block is done."  Contractors would do the rest. ****  
** **

"It shall be done!" Thor raised an arm to the crowd, who all put up their phone devices at him, probably taking pictures. ****  
** **

"They just eat him up, don't they," Loki noted as Tony picked him up again. ****  
** **

"That's the idea."  Nobody was complaining about the Avengers today.  This work - and how attractive Thor looked doing it - would be all over social media.  If he brought Steve over here to work shirtless a few days, the man would get a full pardon.  Tony tucked that thought in the back of his mind to germinate.

****

* * *

****

After a short flight, Tony set Loki down next to the fresh construction. It helped that Loki looked nothing like himself, but still - it was odd, wasn't it? Just out in the open, in the middle of New York.  Especially without that _circlet_.  He'd call Shuri later. At least Thor was here...  "Stand out of the way and look pretty on this one," Tony told him.  Her. Whatever. ****  
** **

"Somebody has to do it," Loki noted, archly. ****  
** **

"It won't be a moment." Thor waited for Tony's direction. He had not really understood what he meant, but 'holding it up' seemed fairly straightforward. And Thor was good at doing what he was told. To an extent.  ****  
** **

"That siding, on the crane. Can you grab it and just - hold it square, right there?" Tony pointed at the gap. ****  
** **

"Not a problem." Thor grabbed it easily, holding it into place. Simple tasks. Almost soothing, really. ****  
** **

"Nice." Tony flew up and started to tack it in place. ****  
** **

It would be easy, Loki thought, to disturb this. A gust of wind at just the right angle to push the unsecured panel over onto Thor. It would be in keeping with his character - wouldn't it? ****  
** **

"Hey! Lady!" A little girl tugged on his jacket. She was clutching a doll in her hands - a black man-shape, with pointed ears like a cat and sharp claws. "Are you an Avenger?" ****  
** **

"No," he told her, firmly.  One of _those_ contrary, frustrating do-gooders? ****  
** **

"Oh." Her face fell as she walked away, the doll dangling from her hand. ****  
** **

The little girl walked away. She might the sister of Loki's disguise; disappointment burning in her glare. Thor sighed. ****  
** **

Loki looked up, then shrugged. Tony had finished with the tacking and had the final fixture halfway done. Too much effort to disrupt it, now; he might as well just watch the show. ****  
** **

The structure was taking shape, Thor noted, stepping back. This too was creation, in some small way. ****  
** **

Tony finished with the welds and smoothed them out with a focused heat beam.  This was fun. This was what he really liked using the suit for - making things, big things, dramatic things.  Avengers Tower. Housing. He flew down to join the Asgardians. "Done. We’ve earned ourselves a drink." ****  
** **

"A fine day's work." ****  
** **

"Then let's go have that drink. I seem to remember that you indulge," Tony told Loki.  Certainly after the invasion had petered out. And the man had looked so _different_ \- smaller, wryly humorous... ****  
** **

"I can't remember."  Like so many things. This man Stark, now, did tickle a sense of familiarity, but he still could not place it. ****  
** **

"More than he does in food," Thor smirked. ****  
** **

"Let's take regular transportation." Tony let the bots dismantle his suit as Stuart pulled the car up.  More freedom to talk, and Tony rather enjoyed that. ****  
** **

"Your man Stuart is a fine and loyal ally." ****  
** **

Stuart smirked as he opened the door.  Man? Ally? He didn’t get it, but boy, it sounded fun. ****  
** **

"You're going to give him a big head." Tony slid into the back. ****  
** **

Thor just smiled. Big head? Why? He made a note of that particular Midgardian saying to look up later. ****  
** **

Loki slid into the car and sat across from Tony. ****  
** **

"Is that..." Tony wiggled his fingers at Loki, "body comfortable? Because man, if you tried to take over New York looking like that, we might have just handed it over." ****  
** **

Interesting.  It was not Thanos’s way, but Loki had greater subtlety. "An opportunity lost. As it's only illusion, it's as comfortable as my own skin." ****  
** **

Was... was Tony _flirting_ with Loki? Thor tried not to look at them too obviously. ****  
** **

Stuart shut the door and moved to the front, starting the car and taking off smoothly.  Tony flirted with everybody, he had noted, so of course he would with this pretty girl. He could swear the man flirted with potted plants, sometimes. ****  
** **

"I'll tell you one thing that Stuart _is_ good for." Tony pulled a large bottle of beer from the refrigerated center compartment, opened it, and handed it to Thor. "Keeping the bar stocked." ****  
** **

Thor took it, thankfully. Now _he_ needed a drink. ****  
** **

Tony pulled out three slender shot glasses and stuck them between the fingers of his left hand. "And since _you_ can't remember alcohol, you poor bastard, see which you like." He put a splash of whiskey, vodka, and gin into the glasses to make an impromptu flight, and handed them to Loki. ****  
** **

"The last time he got drunk he turned himself into a salmon." Thor gestured with his bottle. "Though that's going to take some doing. His metabolism isn't quite as high as mine, but it's up there." ****  
** **

Salmon. The sense of _pink_ and _wiggling_ and _salt_. He’d have to try that some time.  Loki tasted the darker liquid. It burned down his throat in an utterly amazing fashion, tasting like smoke.  So did the middle glass, but with a clean, sharp taste. The last was just as sharp, but richer, somehow. "This one." ****  
** **

"How British of you.  I have some better stuff at home, but this'll do for now." Tony refilled the glass. "I have a very nice aquarium if you need to take 'drink like a fish' a little more literally." ****  
** **

The beer was good; a little more bitter than what Thor was used to, but that seemed to be a Midgard thing. It wouldn't affect him much, unless he had a barrel of it. And that was bad enough the first time he tried it. ****  
** **

“I should show you around a little," Tony mused. "I mean, neither of you have seen New York at its not-on-fire best.  Not tonight, I think we all need a shower and a little Netflix." ****  
** **

"I would enjoy that. I have seen little of the city outside of battle." ****  
** **

"It's sort of a big deal,” Tony noted. “We have a lot of art, theater, sculpture..." He really hadn’t minded taking the tower back, after everything, instead of bouncing around in the isolated compound, alone.  No Pepper, no Steve, no Sam, no Vision, no Wanda… Bruce wasn’t talking to him, and Rhodes had his orders. ****  
** **

Like Asgard, under Loki's rule. Thor nodded, thoughtfully. "It reminds me of home." ****  
** **

"Well, consider this an audition for a new home.” Tony poured himself a generous whiskey.  He could use a local ally. ****  
** **

"Like I have said - you are a good man, Tony Stark." He had lost much, and it showed on his face now, more than ever. Thor clasped a hand on his shoulder. ****  
** **

Tony nodded, wincing slightly. He’d have a hand-shaped bruise there.  “I have some special stuff for you. I know our regular alcohol doesn’t do much.”  He looked up at Avengers Tower as they neared it. “Let’s get you cleaned up. I had some clothes made up for you.” ****  
** **

"I would much appreciate that." Thor sighed, allowing himself to relax. Something not regal nor fit for a warrior sounded just right, about now.  ****  
** **

The garage door slid smoothly open, and Stuart drove them in, parking at the end of his line of cars.  “Good! We’re here.” Tony practically leaped out of the car when Stuart opened the door, stretching. ****  
** **

Loki slid out after him, looking around the garage curiously.  He walked down the line of vehicles, which ran the gamut from sleek, purposeful wedges to curvaceous open-topped show pieces.  He paused at a motorcycle on the end, stroking the smooth red fairing. It pleased him, in an undefinable fashion. ****  
** **

Thor glanced back at Loki. The movement of his hands, the slight tilt of his head as he observed and inhaled it all, in that obsessive way of his. Was he remembering something? He had never been here, exactly, as far as Thor knew. ****  
** **

Tony wandered over.  “Do you ride?” It was hard not to think of Loki as the gorgeous woman he looked like. ****  
** **

Loki shrugged.  “Again, and as always – I don’t remember.” ****  
** **

"You were always good at riding, brother. Not any of those, but similar things." ****  
** **

"Maybe I’ll take you on the back sometime.  But let’s get clean and get some food. I’m starving.”  Tony waved them to the elevator in the corner. ****  
** **

Thor's eyes widened. He looked over at Loki, shrugged, and followed. ****  
** **

Whatever Tony was talking about, it got a reaction out of Thor.  Loki appreciated that. He’d push on it a little bit more. ****  
** **

Stuart stepped onto the elevator after Thor (he was even more impossibly large in person than he seemed on TV), Tony, and the gorgeous woman that Tony seemed _interested_ in stepped on.  He pushed the button for the 34 th floor.  From what he had overheard… “So you don’t really look like that?” he asked the woman. ****  
** **

Loki looked over at Tony, who shrugged.  “You can trust him as much as you trust me,” he told Loki. ****  
** **

The degree to which Loki trusted Tony was still in doubt, but… he closed his eyes and _morphed_ and _chilled_ and changed to his Jotun form, then made the illusion of the woman disappear. ****  
** **

“Jesus!” Stuart’s eyes widened.  That was a lot of _different_ to suddenly appear in an elevator… and yet, something about him seemed familiar… ****  
** **

"Keep your distance," Thor said, noticing the stare. "He gets chilly." ****  
** **

"What are you?” Stuart asked Loki, curiously. ****  
** **

How to answer that?  He could say _Thor’s brother_ , but that was not entirely accurate.  And was his horror widely known in New York as that of Thor’s brother?  He could say _I am here to help_ , but that was a lie that _didn’t_ please him.  “I am Jotun,” he settled on, and jerked his head towards Thor.  “I’m with him.” The elevator slid to a smooth stop. ****  
** **

"Yes," Thor smiled, putting a careful hand on Loki's icy shoulder, "he is." His hand burned, but it would heal quickly. ****  
** **

"Let me take you to your room,” Tony said, stepping out of the elevator and walking down the hall.  “You can shower and change, and I’ll grab you in a bit for dinner.” Was Thor actually going to fuck… _that_?  A frosty, red-eyed, horned demon? ****  
** **

"I look forward to it," Thor replied. Tony was giving them both an odd look. Well, Loki's Jotun form did take some getting used to.

****

* * *

****

Loki opened the bedroom door and slipped inside.  He didn’t know what to think. He _wanted_ Thor; being around him, teasing and working and fighting just a little, made him ache for Thor.  But it had gone quite badly more often than not. And did Thor even _want_ him?  “They put in a new bed,” he noted as Thor closed the door behind them.  It looked very similar, but had a sheen of an artificial material, not wood. ****  
** **

"Altered the old one, more likely than not." He smirked. "Think this one will hold?" ****  
** **

"It depends on what we do.”  Loki gave Thor a curious look.  “What do you _want_ to do?” ****  
** **

"We don't have a lot of time." Thor ran his hand over the rather obvious bulge in Loki's thin trousers. The material gave some protection; it was just cold, not unbearably so. ****  
** **

Loki shivered slightly at the touch.  “This form harms you,” he noted, glancing at Thor’s frostbitten hand. ****  
** **

“You know I heal quickly." He quirked a smile. "But yes. It's a little inconvenient." Certainly if other parts of his anatomy were getting involved.  ****  
** **

"I should use the other form when we’re together.  But the denizens of this city won’t tolerate it.” Loki closed his eyes and made the shift back to his Aesir form.  It got easier every time he did it, like a set of clothing that had to be wrapped in a certain way to stay on. ****  
** **

"Good. I would have tried, anyway." Knowing he was wanted. And... well... This was Loki. Thor knew that, could see and feel that. But not the Loki who had died from him; not one who shared the memories that had gotten them to that place. There was a gap between them. All this; kissing him, as he now did, pushing them both onto the bed and grinding against him desperately; that was love, yes. Lust, true. But it was also an always-failing way to fill that gap. Again and again. ****  
** **

Loki gasped, moaning with want, pressing against Thor.  “We should shower,” he mumbled. “We’re disgusting.” Sweaty and dusty.   _Boys, go clean up.  I’m not letting you into the Hall for dinner like that!_ ****  
** **

"We'll have to be quick about it." He couldn't sit through dinner as he was now. ****  
** **

“We can multitask.”  Loki bit at Thor’s lip.  Shower and sex at the same time.  That had been rather nice, before Tony interrupted… ****  
** **

"Come." Thor was out of the bed again as fast as he got into it, pulling at Loki. ****  
** **

Loki stumbled in his wake, pulling off his tunic and unfastening his boots, trying to get his clothing off as efficiently as possible.  He stepped out of the boots as he stepped into the bathroom. ****  
** **

Thor tore at his clothes, throwing it on the floor as he went. Something in him was boiling over.  ****  
** **

"I want you.” Loki undid his trousers as he started the flow of the water.  “I feel like I always have.” ****  
** **

“I wouldn't know," Thor muttered, pressing up against him. ****  
** **

"I lied a lot.” Loki _knew_ this, somehow, in his lost memory.  “By omission as well as directly.” The water was warm, now.  He fully kicked off his trousers, tugging at Thor. ****  
** **

"But you want me now." One sure thing. Thor needed that, in this world of uncertainties.  ****  
** **

"Yes!" Loki replied, impatiently.  Hadn't he made that clear? By action as well as words? ****  
** **

"Not a question." Thor kissed him, pushing them both in under the water. ****  
** **

"Mbugh," Loki agreed, his mouth full of tongue. His hands roamed greedily over Thor's body, feeling the solid strength of it.  A body that would withstand hurricanes. ****  
** **

"Need you." They should probably wash. Thor couldn't summon the energy to care. ****  
** **

Loki grabbed the tube of slippery soap, squeezing a dollop onto his hand. "Then take me." Multitasking, yes - the idea pleased him. ****  
** **

Thor worked it into his aching erection, pulling Loki into a kiss by his hair. ****  
** **

Loki gasped into the hungry kiss. The way Thor manhandled him was amazingly stimulating.  He took another dollop of soap and put his fingers into himself, stretching. ****  
** **

“Tell me when. I need you." He leaned his head against Loki's, panting. ****  
** **

"Now." Loki still felt _open_ from before, yielding to his fingers so easily. And hel, he _needed_ it, after the abortive earlier attempts. Yes, _now_ . ****  
** **

Thor nearly yelled, lifting Loki and pressing him up against the tiles, pushing into him. ****  
** **

Loki's eyes flew wide. Such intensity, tossed in the air with such ease, and then, by all the gods, _impaled_. Such sudden, intense pleasure, it was almost painful. ****  
** **

"Need you," Thor whined, sucking at the join of Loki's neck and shoulder. ****  
** **

"Uh,” Loki gasped, “Thor…” His brain was not working properly.  He grabbed at Thor’s shoulders, holding them tightly. ****  
** **

"Keep you." Safe. Alive. Unharmed. ****  
** **

“You mean it?” Loki gasped.  Thor would keep him? Forever?  In this moment, dizzy with pleasure, it seemed possible. ****  
** **

"Yes!" He thrust, aggressively, teeth grazing skin. ****  
** **

"Uh, fuck, yes, Thor,” Loki spat out a word on every thrust as if they were being driven out of him.  “In. Me.” ****  
** **

"...fuck!" He was close, already, the shower fixture shaking as they moved. ****  
** **

"Thor.” Loki touched his own prick, then let it go with a gasp.  He would come in a heartbeat if he touched it more. ****  
** **

"I'm... I'll..." He came, thrusting hard and deep, burying his face in Loki's neck. ****  
** **

"Oh!”  A sweet rush of come deep inside.  So quickly! Loki grabbed himself and tugged hard and fast.  He wanted to come with Thor still inside of him. ****  
** **

Thor kept thrusting, whining through his teeth, pressing Loki up against the wall and clutching at his sides. ****  
** **

"Thor.”  Loki’s eyes flew wide as he came, meeting Thor’s mismatched set.  Angry and perfect, stabilizing him through this excess of sensation.  “Thor!” ****  
** **

Thor kissed him, stilling, holding them both. He was shaking. Suddenly the water chilled him, and he felt Loki’s hair sticking to his face and body. He was _here_ again. Unbearably here.  ****  
** **

Loki panted, wide-eyed, stroking himself through it.   _Touching himself.  Thinking of Thor._ No - this was not a new idea.  Not at all. ****  
** **

"Realms, I love you. I need you, Loki." He sighed, slowly letting him down. ****  
** **

Loki gasped as he reached down and pulled Thor’s softening penis out of him.  “I always wanted you,” he said with conviction, with certainty. “I _remember_.” ****  
** **

"You do?" Thor looked him in the eyes, lost, uncertain. His eye felt raw. Loki nodded, a quick little jerk of the head. Thor kissed him again, quietly. Slowly. The water ran down their faces. ****  
** **

“It’s just bits and pieces,” Loki mumbled into his mouth.  “I just let them float around because I don’t know where to put them.”  But pictures were forming. The safe home of Asgard. Their mother. A distant, powerful feeling of a father.  A confusing, conflicted stew of emotions for his brother. ****  
** **

"I'm just thankful you're here. I am, truly..." he pulled away enough to lean into the stream of water properly. "But this is... this is good." ****  
** **

“It's frustrating not knowing who I am." Loki put some more soap onto his hand and started to rub it on Thor's chest. "To be reacted to by people, and not know why." ****  
** **

"It will come to you. It must." Shuri had worked wonders; surely this would come, too? ****  
** **

“I know more, now, than I did when I landed," Loki said, tightly. He hadn't known enough to not be terrified of everyone. Even Thor.  And the more he knew, the more it seemed like _they_ should be terrified of _him_. ****  
** **

"I was terrified. And relieved. It was..." He shrugged, running a soapy hand up Loki's arm, "disconcerting." ****  
** **

"Dying is typically permanent." Isn't it? Loki soaped up Thor's hair. ****  
** **

"You've come back twice, before." ****  
** **

"Did I forget then, too?" Loki soaped his own hair, running his fingers through it carefully. ****  
** **

"No." He hesitated, hands in Loki's hair. "Well. The first time, that was Thanos. I think he made you forget... some things. Enhanced others." ****  
** **

"Purple." Loki frowned, blindsided by this random memory as if by a sniper’s arrow. "He's purple. I wanted to laugh at him." ****  
** **

Good for him. Thor didn't know if he should laugh or cry. Both. Both was good. "We could have used you in the fight." ****  
** **

"Next time."  Did he even know how to fight?  He felt _ready_ for a fight, so often, but had he won them, generally? ****  
** **

"Yes." _I love you_. ****  
** **

“I need to practice fighting." Loki rinsed his hair thoughtfully. "I need to be sure I can do it well." ****  
** **

"You're good... But I don't know how that works, with the memory loss and everything." ****  
** **

“And neither do I.  Did we spar?” Loki asked Thor, curiously.  Surely he was not successful at fighting this near-god... ****  
** **

"When we were younger." Best not to say more, right now. ****  
** **

The timbre of his voice suggested words unsaid.  Heavy ones that would surely ruin this post-coital sense of satisfaction.  "You'll have to tell me more later." Loki finished rinsing and stepped out of the shower. ****  
** **

“Things got ugly between us. A lot of it was my fault." ****  
** **

Loki pulled down a towel and started to dry himself.  “Would you share a memory of that with me?” ****  
** **

"I... is that wise?" Thor caught himself, shaking his head. "If you want it, if course." ****  
** **

"Perhaps later, after we have drinks with our host,” Loki decided.  When he was, perhaps, relaxed enough not to react with what seemed to be a characteristic level of intensity. ****  
** **

Thor grabbed his own towel, busying himself with practical, simpler things. "Yes." He really, really needed a drink. One that would make _him_ forget.  ****  
** **

"I would prefer to keep this form, if you do not object.” And if Tony did not have guests, so there should be no issue there.  Loki opened the closet, pausing with surprise. “We have been well-supplied with clothing.” ****  
** **

"Whatever you prefer is fine. It would be more practical." ****  
** **

Loki flipped through the clothing.  Green and black on one side of the closet, red and gold on the other.  An array of fabrics, from plant to hide to some interesting synthetics.  “How did he get our measurements?” Loki asked, suspiciously, pulling a pair of black leather trousers out. ****  
** **

"I find it best not to ask." Fresh clothes! Another pleasure he had simply forgotten, disregarded in the heat of things. He pulled out a pair of dark grey trousers in a soft, firm material, the cut slim yet comfortable. ****  
** **

“They fit very well,” Loki noted, pulling on the leather trousers.  They clasped his lower body gently and firmly, perfectly sized. How in all the realms… he did not remember being measured! ****  
** **

"Uh, they do..." Thor ruffled through the clothes, a little distracted. A tight-fitting dark grey shirt, open at the collar. ****  
** **

"Red becomes you.”  Loki nodded at the red velvet jacket that hung prominently in the middle of the closet as he pulled down a blue silk shirt, pulling it over his head, buttoning it at the wrists. ****  
** **

A cape, of sorts, in the guise of a jacket. Thor took it out, sliding it over his shoulders. ****  
** **

“Yes, it looks good on you.”  Sexy. Alluring. Loki stroked his fingers through Thor’s hair, settling it.  A living crown. He looked _kingly_. ****  
** **

"I trust your good judgement." He turned to Loki, smiling fondly. Simple, sleek, perfectly fitting in every way. "You look ravishing." ****  
** **

"Well, you just ravished me,” Loki noted with a half-smile.  He went to the sideboard and poked through the bottles again.  The ones they had used had been refilled. He sniffed at them again, identifying one that had very little scent.  He put the oil on his hands and swept them through his hair. ****  
** **

Thor frowned, about to say something, stopping himself at the last moment. _He's remembering_. ****  
** **

Loki peeked into the bathroom in the mirror, settling his mess of hair into a sleeker, neater form.  Yes, much better. It looked _right_. ****  
** **

"That is how you wore it." Thor stood behind him, holding his waist. "Not my preference, but seeing you like this, I must admit, does me good." ****  
** **

It made him look civilized.  Sharp. Purposeful. Mature. Not like a lost rodent with a cloud of messy hair. “It is _my_ preference,” Loki said, firmly. ****  
** **

An almost hesitant knock at the door.  “Y’all busy?” ****  
** **

"Enter," Thor said, after a quick smile at Loki. Always what he wanted. Always that. ****  
** **

Loki stepped out of the bathroom, facing the door with a settled expression.  Tony stepped in, clearly freshly showered himself, in fine dark trousers and a white shirt that was artfully open at the top. ****  
** **

“Hey…” Tony twitched slightly with reaction at the sight of Loki, now haughty and composed in a very familiar way.  “You’re looking more like yourself,” he noted. Only a horned helmet away from that Loki with the scepter. ****  
** **

“You had no heart,” Loki noted. Another moment of memory.   _Tired, so tired he was dizzy, desperate for sleep but afraid of it, so close to finishing his mission and finding peace, and this ungodly frustrating little man in the way, a metal heart between them…_ ****  
** **

“Still don’t.” Tony forced a grin.  “If you’re ready for a drink, come on down.” ****  
** **

“Only in the literal sense," Thor grinned. "Lead the way!" ****  
** **

“Well, the _literal_ is less so.” The skin where it had been tight and scarred, a new sternum beneath made from titanium.  Not important. “Follow me,” Tony waved, “I have a surprise for you.”  He lead them down the corridor to the open-air bar overlooking the city below.  A good place for pre-dinner drinks, a good place to get drunk watching the sun set and the city light up below. ****  
** **

Thor smiled appreciatively as they entered - this city hid horrible memories, certainly, but also gentle ones; camaraderie. Time spent with Jane. ****  
** **

"I had some special stuff made for Steve.”  Tony pulled a bottle out of a fingerprint-secured cabinet.  It was three-quarters full of a pale blue liquid, and was colorfully decorated with labels noting _Not For Human Consumption_ and _Don’t Drink This If You Want To Live_.  “Want to give it a try?” ****  
** **

"I would be honored!" Thor approached it eagerly. Something; anything, to let him think a little less sharply, convolutedly. ****  
** **

Maybe drunk demigods wasn’t the best idea, but it certainly sounded _interesting_ , and that was all Tony cared about.  “He liked to mix it with soda.  Do you want it mixed?” Tony pulled out two tumblers. ****  
** **

“No,” Loki said, walking closer.  The Midgardian alcohol had left his system almost as soon as it was in his stomach.  He wanted to feel that burn, unadulterated, persisting. ****  
** **

“Perhaps iced.” ****  
** **

"Easily done.”  Loki touched the tumblers, and they frosted over. ****  
** **

Damn it all, Tony was losing track of things that seemed to violate the laws of nature that he would have to investigate further.  It was like Loki sucked the entropy right out of things, which seemed counterintuitive. “Nice trick.” He poured two generous measures. ** **  
****

Seeing just glimpses in the corner of his eye, he could almost forget it all; Loki looked every inch himself; like nothing had happened. Thor lifted his glass, enjoying the chill, the soft burn in his fingers a welcome reminder.  ****  
** **

Loki took a sip, and his eyes widened.  It burned a scorching fire down to his stomach, heat radiating out from his stomach to his extremities. Yes, a drink like dragons’ fire, but cold and soothing in his mouth.  
  
“Good, eh?” Tony poured himself a whiskey. ****  
** **

Thor drank, forgetting himself, coughing as the burn hit. Oh. Yes. This was _good_. "Excellent," he managed. ****  
** **

Loki put his hand on his brother's back. "Are you okay?" he asked, feeling oddly dizzy. ****  
** **

It was so odd to watch them. Brothers.  Lovers. A hero and a villain. Tony took another swallow, letting himself just observe for a moment. ****  
** **

"Fine, fine. Forgot myself, a moment." And nearly again now, as he was about to kiss Loki's cheek. He composed himself, taking another, more measured sip. ****  
** **

"Come over, take a look." Tony slid the glass door open, stepping out onto the balcony that lead to the dual landing pads.  Fuck only knew what the new tenants had in mind for that bit. He had been rather proud of it, of the unparalleled and fairly dangerous view of the city. ****  
** **

Thor followed him, drink in hand. ****  
** **

Loki took another swallow, then stepped out, shaking his dizzy head.  Was it just the alcohol? He was being bombarded by stimuli that were almost familiar, but their relevance slipped through his fingers. ****  
** **

“That’s the Hudson.”  Tony pointed downwards at where the river flowed, a dark meandering slash through the city lights.  “That greenery along it, off to the right, is Riverside Park. It’s a great place to walk during the day, or get an anonymous hookup or buy some dicey drugs at night.  The Lincoln Center is right down there. We can walk to an opera from here….” ****  
** **

"A fine sight." But an interesting view. High up, like this... Thor touched his hand to Loki's, wondering how much he was aware; how much he remembered. ****  
** **

"I didn't know anything about this." Loki took a bigger swallow, looking at the city below - sparkling with light, bustling with activity, the noises of vehicles drifting up, paused construction winking with warning lights. "Thanos told me nothing of it." Just that they were lost little vermin in need of a leader. _Do this, and the pain will stop.  A little good for you, a little good for them. They will be grateful._ The memory just _there_ , as if it had always been and he had chosen not to pull it up. ****  
** **

"See, that's what happens when you don't have a local for a tour guide." ****  
** **

"You remember him? What he told you?" What he _did_. Thor turned to him, anxiously. ****  
** **

"A little.”  Loki frowned.  “It’s new… but it doesn’t feel new.”  The aching soreness of a wound no longer fresh. ****  
** **

“He’s getting his memory back?” Tony asked, sharply.  Without being tended to by Shuri. How much could he recover, all by himself? ****  
** **

"Bits and pieces. It's not been easy." ****  
** **

"I was not myself, last time I was here.”  Loki took another swallow. It made his mind flow – was that good, or bad?  Well, it was different. Not himself. Was he so sure of _himself_ ? ****  
** **

“Yeah, we all have those days.  Wake up on the wrong side of the bed, put salt in our coffee, ding the mirror on the way to work, invade a large city.” Tony polished off his whiskey. ****  
** **

"I know. I suspected, when I apprehended you." He looked mournfully at Tony. "I failed in so many respects, that day." ****  
** **

Failed at stealing his brother away.  "You were trying to talk him down. I interrupted.”  Self-doubt, his constant companion, ate at Tony. “Do you think you could have done it?” ****  
** **

"Without a doubt." ****  
** **

That was a big statement.  Even the sun rising in the morning had a certain degree of doubt, no matter how small.  "Really? No doubt at all?” ****  
** **

Loki closed his eyes and tried to _remember_.  Talking? ****  
** **

"I have known him for more than a millennium. Even if I could not persuade him, I would have realized he was being controlled. I think..." He looked at Loki's closed eyes. "I think he _wanted help_." ****  
** **

"Well, that’s a pisser.  Because I stopped you.” Tony played with his empty glass.  Did he bear some responsibility for this, too? But how could he have known?   _They were talking.  Loki wasn’t trying to kill him_.  And he had just met Cap, his obsession since childhood, and was trying to _impress_ the man.  How much had it clouded his own judgment?  And partly to secure the affection of a man who ended up hating him.  Awesome job. ****  
** **

Loki opened his eyes.  Thor, standing on that balcony.  Loki on that landing pad, over _there_ ,  looking out over the city.  The voice of The Other in his head, almost a constant stream.   _It’s too late.  You can’t stop it.  They hate you. Thor has abandoned you – for good reason.  You must see it through. Succeed or you will beg for death._ He sat down, heavily. ****  
** **

"Loki?" Thor put his glass down, kneeling beside him on the ground. ****  
** **

“Did we fight, here?”  Please, tell me it’s a bad dream.  It feels like the memory of a bad dream.  _Your face, twisted in frustration and anger_ . ****  
** **

"Not here exactly, but yes." And Loki had looked something like this. Well, if he was to remember, he would need to remember this, too.  ****  
** **

Loki shook his head, utterly failing to clear it. “It feels like a bad dream.” ****  
** **

It didn’t feel like a bad dream to Tony.  It was still raw, the bomb, the fall, frozen to the core and _far too high_ , the utter certainty that he wouldn’t be coming back from _this_ one.  His left shoulder still ached if he slept wrong.  He ducked back to the bar to pour himself another whiskey. ****  
** **

Thor said the words, not wanting to, not really meaning to. But it had to be done, and they came: "Would you like the memory?" ****  
** **

No.  No, not at all, he didn’t want to see it.  To see the monster he was, the chaos he wrought, turning his brother against him.  “Yes.” ****  
** **

"You wanted to know if we fought. We did, near here - I will keep that in my mind." Hopefully, not too much else would seep in. One thing at a time. ****  
** **

"All right.”  Loki put his fingers to Thor’s head and _pulled_ , before he could think better of it. ****  
** **

_A platform. Noise; wind, confusion. Loki's face staring at him; wild, lost, uncomprehending._ How? _None of his words make sense; they are empty, meaningless phrases, like bad lines in a play. Loki loves words; he can turn anyone with his tongue. He enjoys crafting just the right insult, drawing out exactly the emotions he wants. This is not him; it cannot be. Roaring, Thor grabs his head, turns him, forcefully._ Makes _him see the destruction, the burning homes and wailing, warring ships. "Look around you! Do you think this madness will end with your rule?"_ ****  
** **

_And... for a moment. Just one sliver of a moment, he is back. Thor wants to cry out in joy, embrace him, but there is no time. Besides, Loki looks ill. Deathly ill. What has become of his little brother? "It's too late," Loki shudders, twitching, as though fearing an unseen enemy. "It's too late to stop it."_ ****  
** **

_"No." Thor smiles at him. Keeps his gaze and focus, forces him to see him; only him. Whatever holds him fights for control; a smile comes and goes, twists into sickening grins. "We can. Together." In that moment, all his love for Loki crystallizes in this embrace;_ I am here. It's all right. You are safe- ****  
** **

_Pain. Sharp and dull at the same time; not enough to maim or even wound beyond the surface. Thor doubles over, hearing, quietly, "Sentiment."_ ****  
** **

Loki pulled his hand away like it burned.  “That’s what happened,” he whispered. Some strange combination of novel and semi-familiar.  “I can’t trust my control. I can’t trust my memory.” What _him_ was seemed so ephemeral, so fragile.  A body housing diverse tenants. Who really lived there? ****  
** **

Tony paused at the glass door with a newly full drink in hand.  Something was happening, something between the two of them. The air practically crackled with some sort of tension - as it often did, with Thor.  Tony stood and watched it unfold. ****  
** **

"This is you, brother. Here. Now. You fought him." Thor put a hand on his shoulder, trying to ground him. ****  
** **

"And what will I be tomorrow?" Loki looked up at him, lost. ****  
** **

"This. You." He leaned on closer. "Look at me. There is no monster hiding in your mind. You saw that. You were in there all the while, fighting, asking for help. I failed you. I will not do that again." ****  
** **

There was one thing Thor could do, if the monster re-took control.  "If I do that again," Loki grasped Thor's hand like a lifeline, "you have to end me. Please." ****  
** **

"Do what,” Thor spat, nearly shaking him. “You did nothing but fight!" ****  
** **

"Okay!” Tony gave a sharp whistle and jerked his hands sideways.  “I have a daily limit on talk of killing, and we’ve just hit it. Wednesday Addams, if you go off, we’ve got Shuri’s circlet coming to take care of that.  Have another drink, fuck your brother or whatever it is you do to relax, it’s fine.” He downed half his drink. It was one of _those_ nights. ****  
** **

Thor held Loki's hand, squeezing it a little too hard. "Come. I'm here. It is safe." ****  
** **

Loki grabbed Thor's hand and pulled himself upright.  His concerns were not assuaged. Thor had made no promises, and the metal man was… waiting for the restraints?  He was supposed to be a great smith, could he not make them himself? ****  
** **

This tower would be full of memories for Loki, wouldn’t it.  Perhaps the most, though, out on the balcony. "Come inside. We all need a refill," Tony noted.


	6. Chapter 6

Thor threw his arm around Loki's waist, holding him close as they walked.

Loki walked unsteadily with Thor. This drunkenness - was it a good thing? It seemed to make Thor and Tony more kind, but it made him more vulnerable. Nonetheless, he accepted the glass Tony gave him.

"Gently. It has been a while since you had something this potent. Nurse it over time." Thor picked up his own drink and blatantly ignored his own advice.

"Yeah, we're all really great at moderation," Tony noted, perching on a stool next to the bar and sipping. His thought from earlier would not leave him alone. "I almost killed Steve. Cap. He almost killed me. And we fucking well meant it." He kept telling himself that, but it was a lie. He was pulling his punches, his blasts. He just wanted Steve _out of the way_ , so he could kill Bucky. And now Bucky was dead, Shuri had said - and wouldn’t you know it, Tony’s parents were still dead. Funny how that worked.

Loki looked at Tony with interest, drinking in his words. Steve. The one Thor had so much affection for. That man had dodged Loki’s question earlier, hadn’t he, about whether he wanted to kill or fuck Tony.

"He speaks highly of you."

Bullshit. Tony scrubbed at his forehead. "I wanted to kill his friend because he killed my parents. I wanted to kill Loki because he killed a lot of my citymates. Wouldn't have brought any of them back."

Loki looked down, playing with his glass. But what if it prevented future calamity?

Thor tried to smile. "No more talk of killing, you said."

"Yeah. Only happy stuff." Tony looked into his glass, searching for happy stuff.

"As long as you don't need to touch it," Loki waved his hand, summoning a puppy on the floor, "I can make it."

Thor laughed in shock and surprise. He beamed at Loki proudly.

Tony looked at it sadly. Ridiculous. The appeal of a puppy was to cuddle, after all, and this was just a shade of one. It wasn’t real. It was all so absurd that he had to laugh or cry. Maybe both. "Don't make my girl." Don't make me think about that.

"He knows not to," Thor said. "We lost our mother. He knows." Still, he put a hand of warning on Loki's knee.

Loki nodded and made the illusion vanish. "I do want to help. I want to... help eliminate Thanos." He was certain of little, but as more of him returned, he was only more certain of _that_.

"I never thought a 'let's not talk killing on a Saturday night' suggestion would be so hard to enforce," Tony sighed.

"Remember the puzzles," Thor said quickly, almost desperately, "that you used to make for me?"

Loki shook his head with frustration. "No. I don't."

"Oh, they made me so angry, sometimes. He has always been the smarter one," he told Tony, forcing a smile. If he could hold on to it for just a few moments, it would stick, he knew. "When we were young, he would make me these elaborate visual puzzles, and have me solve them before he would allow me back into my rooms."

"Mazes...?" Loki asked, trying to dig it out of the dark pool of _nothing_ inside of him.

"Sometimes! But not always; if I had failed a lesson in some subject or other, you would make that part of it." The day he’d struggled with astrophysics had been particularly confusing.

"And what have you failed lately?" Something he could wrap his brain about. A   _distraction_. Yes.

"Other than in the grander scheme of things?" You let Thanos live a moment too long. You killed Tony's beloved. You killed everyone. "My aim could use some work."

"To test your aim... would violate our host's prohibition." Loki drained his drink. "A maze, then." And just like that, it _came_ to him. Not the memory, but the knowledge, seiðr done often enough to be done without thought, instinctively. The surroundings - the bar, the tower, Manhattan - disappeared, and they were in a desolate landscape, surrounded by metal walls. A sullen sky lowered above them.

"Jesus." Tony stepped close to Thor.

Whooping in delight, Thor grabbed Tony's shoulder. "Do you see! Loki,” he yelled, to the air around them, “I remember this place!"

"I see," Tony said, nervously. He disliked being transported places without his own agency, whether in reality or virtually. Could Loki get into his head, like Wanda did?

"It came to me," Loki noted. "It is a place you know?" he asked, looking up at Thor.

"You would make mazes here. When you were in a sullen mood."

"Then you should solve it with ease." Loki grinned, actually feeling some measure of enjoyment. Some echo of now-forgotten context?

"Are you good with mazes, Tony?" Thor bumped his shoulder.

"Yeah. Great. When I'm sober." Tony tossed his empty glass aside, rubbing his shoulder.

"An extra challenge, then!" Thor rubbed his hands together. He felt so carefree, almost gleeful.

In his cups, Loki had dredged up the secret of these mazes, as well. “You can walk as if you were in the maze.” This voluntary engagement, letting him into the base parts of their minds, the simple motor functions, intercepting those signals and turning them to illusion.   _That_ bit would take all of his focus – which left him none free to brood. Excellent.

"Hah!" Thor ran forward, right up against the nearest wall. "The trick is to follow them - but my brother doesn't always play fair."

"Who, me?" Loki asked, blandly.

Tony walked along the wall. He should have run into the glass doors by now, but Loki was receding into the distance... holy hell, Tony had to figure out how _this_ worked. Could he replicate it with electrodes?

"I know that look. Trying to figure out how it works will only confuse you." Thor sidled closer, feeling hot and giddy, nearly pressing his mouth to Tony's ear. "He is well on his way to drunk; this is to our advantage. The only way to beat this is to trick a trickster."

Tony turned, seeing Thor's face a millimeter from his. "That was oddly sexual."

They were… how had they gotten this close? Thor nearly flinched. "That... Was not my intention." Whatever Tony was giving him had more than a little kick to it.

" _Good._ " Tony looked at the wall next to him, scratching it with his nail. He felt a gentle ghost of sensation, and a scratch obligingly appeared. Well, he'd play by the rules. "Let's follow it, then."

Thor walked ahead of him, tracing the wall with his hand. It was impossible to tell what would come next, and for once, he welcomed it.

The walls on either side were featureless, the ground unchanging underneath - but then Tony could see something, far ahead. He hurried towards it.

"Careful!" Things were never as they appeared, in Loki's worlds.

Tony slowed down, approaching more carefully, as the figure resolved itself into... Loki. Looking at Tony archly in that disconcerting way of his.

"Welcome back," Loki noted, taking another swallow of his drink.

"Endless loop, eh?" Tony asked. Loki grinned at him. That expression, now, looked exactly like what Tony remembered, from before. "Well, if _you're_ going to cheat..." Tony called his suit to form.

Thor laughed. "Well played!" He glanced at the walls. They looked... Fairly metallic. And familiar.

Tony raised himself slowly and carefully up, higher than the walls. He should have bumped his head by now. Good Christ, how far into his head was Loki?

"Now you're thinking," Loki noted appreciatively. After all, these two could fly. Why settle for a two-dimensional maze?

With a bit of elevation, Tony had a better view of the maze. What had looked like   _sky_ was actually a dome, with illusory clouds scuttling across it. He could see, now, that the corridor they had been walking along was a simple circle. Off to the side, however, was a covered part of the maze with an uncovered entry at the beginning... he flew towards _that_. A somewhat panicked part of him at the back of his brain wanted him to _escape_. Escape Loki’s influence. And this was just an illusion of doing so?

"You want me to fly, do you?" It was never, in Thor's experience, wise to do what Loki expected.

"Do whatever you want," Loki replied, spreading his hands magnanimously, keeping his expression neutral, giving up nothing.

_Trick the trickster._ Thor approached him, grinning. Then, in one movement, he bent Loki down and kissed him.

Loki squeaked with surprise, his eyes flying wide, utterly distracted. The complex illusion fell apart and flickered out.

The net that had just engulfed Tony disappeared, and he stumbled and fell a very short distance back to the marble floor. Back in the tower. Was he? Fuck, fuck, he _hated_ mental manipulation.

" _You're always so predictable, brother. You bore me._ " Thor teased, still holding him by the hair.

"Not fair." Loki licked his lips, tasting Thor, feeling even drunker, now.

"Oh, you were playing fair, were you?"

Tony dismantled his suit and brushed off his good slacks. "I'm going to have to find a way to make VR like that." Figure out how it worked, figure out how to _control_ it.

"Are you going to just kiss Thanos when he shows up?" Loki challenged Thor.

"If he were creating illusory mazes, I might."

"He had no interest in..." Loki frowned. A sliver of memory.  _Asgardians are mighty warriors..._ Loki's hand flew to his mouth to swallow a bark of laughter.

"What?" Giddy from, well, everything, Thor laughed.

Loki found himself laughing uncontrollably, harder the more he tried to stop it. It was all so ludicrous!

Tony was going to switch them back to regular alcohol, he decided, discreetly confiscating their glasses of Stevohol.

"Tell me!" Thor held him, laughing a little less easy now.

Loki choked in another laugh. "He took me because he thought all Asgardians were mighty warriors!" He thought he was getting the likes of Thor - and he got Loki. _I am not Asgardian_.   _A brief flash of surprise in Thanos’s dark eyes._

"Come," Thor said, sobering instantly. "Come sit a while."

"Lucky for you..." Loki told Tony, who was giving him a confused, uncomprehending look. If Thanos had turned Sif, or Thor, the devastation they would have wrought! Of course, he would not have had as easy a time turning _them_.

"Come. Just here." Thor half-carried Loki to a seat, lowering him down into it.

"What?" Loki sat heavily. Ah, gravity was still working properly. Good of it.

"You are remembering," Thor said, pointlessly.

"I certainly am." Still so many fragments with so little context, and now there were _more_ of them!

Tony pulled out a fresh glass, filling it with gin. He pulled out a bottle of beer, as well, for Thor. This would help flush out the strong stuff.

Thor shot a helpless glance at Tony, taking the bottle. This was bad. Loki looked like he had, years ago, on the platform.

Tony dragged over a chair and sat next to Loki, jamming the drink into his cold hand. "You look like how I've been feeling." The somewhat-god looked back at him darkly.

"Talk to me." Thor lay a hand on Loki's brow, and it came away cold; not the healthy Jotun ice, but sickly wet.

Loki shrugged. "I was the best and worst choice. I was angry and resentful. I was weak, yet stubborn."

"What happened? How did he come by you?"

"I fell into his lap." Loki barked an unamused laugh. "Or his back yard, close enough." A craggy, dead rock, barely enough atmosphere to carry sound. The Other speaking without words in his mind, explaining how his life was going to proceed.

"Loki." Thor took his hand. Held it. "What did he do." He had to know. Tony had to know.

Loki shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it..." Didn't want to think about it. But he was remembering. He couldn't _stop_. He remembered the voices in his head. The hands on him, in him. The visions that he was sure were reality, over and over, doing terrible things with less and less reluctance as he became numb to them.

"All right." Thor squeezed Loki's hand. "That's fine. You don't have to." His stomach twisted.

"He made me believe lies," Loki spat. The glass in his hand was full. He emptied it. The God of Lies, wasn't he? And that was no defense? _All of this will stop if you serve me. You will be a warrior. Warriors can take pain. They need no kin, no love, no mercy._

"I know he hurt you." Written on his face.

"Yes," Loki agreed, fiddling with his empty glass. "All in the mind. Very clever."

“He invaded your thoughts?"

Loki held up the glass, turning it as if reading his story in the facets. "He could make me see whatever he wanted, feel whatever he wanted." And he knew. He knew Loki's weaknesses, his fears, his shame.

"How long." Thor didn't want to know. He had to know.

"I don't know." Loki looked over at Thor. "How long was I gone?"

"A year. Perhaps less."

"Then a year. Perhaps less," Loki replied, his tone more laconic than he felt.

“We thought you dead."

Loki shrugged. "That might have been better," he noted.

"Don't say that." Thor drank the bottle in one gulp. It made no difference one way or another.

"I tried." Memories flitted around Loki’s head, half-glimpsed out of the corner of his mind’s eye - memories of trying to go out _well_. This strange, uneasy hybrid of mischief and villainy and murder was not him. Not sustainable. But as long as he was useful, he had to go on. The timing was important - Thanos had made that clear. But if he could go on, and yet run afoul of Thor… was that not a solution?

"You tried? Tried to-" He set the bottle down. "He rolled off the roof," he told Tony, not looking at him.

"Several times," Loki said. He had tried several times, in several ways. Before and after.

Tony played with the whiskey, processing the words they were saying to each other. There were no answers in that glass. Other than the basic statement _Sometimes it seems easier,_ which it appeared Loki well knew _._

The thought started as just that; a hint. An idea. As it took hold, Thor leaned into Loki's side, fingers nearly crushing his hand. "You wanted it to be me."

Loki nodded. "That would have been best." Some meaning, some resolution, the good triumphing, his brother rescuing him. A satisfying conclusion for storybooks.

"That's what you were asking. Not for help. For an end to it."

Loki nodded. "It wouldn't have stopped what had started. But I wouldn't have had to deal with all of it."

"The easy way out," Tony said, sharply. Loki nodded again.  

Thor's skin crackled. When he turned, his eyes were a faint, shimmering silver. He said nothing, watching Tony carefully.

Tony met Thor’s unearthly eyes steadily. He was a little lacking in fear previously, and these days, it was probably pathological. "You think you're the only one hurting, Thunder God?"

"This is what Thanos does," Loki interjected, feeling the tension, the electricity building in his brother. "He sows discord."

There is calm, in the center of a storm. Thor's voice was level, easy. "My brother just told me he would have me kill him, having failed, so many times, himself. That he would prefer it. And your response is to call him a coward."

"And you're going to tell me it's not the easy way out?" Tony stepped closer. "That dealing with all of _this_ isn't harder?" He spread his hands, indicating the fallout. Such a small slice of it, New York, and yet such an all-encompassing task, right there.   That _easy way out_ had never held much appeal for Tony - until he had a taste of it, dying on Titan, feeling failure wash over him - a familiar feeling, but with an atypical sense of calm. He had done what he could, and now he could _stop_ \- stop thinking about it, stop trying and failing, just _rest_ , leave it to others. It was disgustingly seductive.

"That," Thor said, biting his lip to hold back the torrent building inside him, "is fairly far from my point."

"Then what _is_ your point?" Tony demanded. Thor could damn well make it to Tony’s face.

"He found fertile soil to sow discord," Loki noted, resigned.

No. No more of this. He was beyond tired. The drink had not helped. Loki's memory returning had not helped. Nothing would help, and they were here. With effort he did not think he had in him, Thor called the ire, and thunder and storms inside. Calm fell. A different calm. _No true allies. No real friends, in all. An illusion, like the maze. Like the puppy_. Thanos had taken even that away. He breathed, and opened his mismatched eyes. "You are a good man, Tony Stark. I have said it often, and I mean that, still. We have nowhere else to go." He rose, still holding Loki's hand. "I need..." His voice shook, just barely. "If you will forgive me, I need to sleep."  

Tony sat heavily, feeling as drained as if he had run a marathon. That insidious little suspicion that everything he did was in the service of someone else's plan needled at him. Again. That nagging sensation his brain was not fully his own. "Yeah. Whatever you need."

Thor managed a nod. Not safe for Loki. The place; this man. But there was nowhere else to go. Tony would find them, no matter where they went, and off-world was not an option, now. He might even track them there. He did and could not understand, and Thor did not blame him. But it was what it was. They were trapped. He nudged Loki's hand. "Will you come," he asked, quietly.

"Yes." Loki stood. He couldn't stop his brain, making random, confusing connections. Thor. _That woman_. Jealousy. Valkyrie. He grasped Thor to steady himself.

Thor clung to him like a lifeline, walking away. _One thing._

"You're upset," Loki noted. Obvious enough, even with this fog his brain was mired in. He could feel the man’s tension, the latent electricity buzzing inside.

Thor smiled. "Yes."

"Why?" Loki stumbled, holding Thor tightly to stay upright. It wasn’t just the alcohol. All of these unmoored thoughts and memories made him dizzy.

"The reality of your pain."

"He said it would all stop when I did his will. But it didn't." Then again, Loki had failed to do his will, hadn’t he? So the pain would persist. It had a certain consistent logic.

"He lied." Thor hugged him closer as the walked.

"I thought he might. But I didn't have any other options." Other than to get killed by Thor. _Not_ any of the rest. They were not worthy. A brief memory of the man Stark, Loki lifting him, throwing him so easily out of a window. That had been right.

“I know.”

"He's not in my mind anymore." Was it because it was so damaged? Unrecognizable, unfindable?

"I can tell." Why couldn't everyone? _Shuri._

Loki paused, grabbing Thor's shoulders, trying to look him in the oddly mismatched eyes. "Can you? Because you didn't see it before. Are you overcompensating for that? Unable to see any wrong, now?"

"I didn't know what to look for." Thor touched his cheek. Kept his hand there. "And I see plenty of wrong. But not that."

Loki called his bluff. This was vitally important. "Tell me, then. Let me hear it."

"Tell you what's wrong with you?" Thor's smile was twitching.

“I want to know what _you_ think." Loki's eyes glittered. How much could Thor see, truly?

"You're impatient, for one." They were half a dozen paces from their bedroom.

"Accurate.” Loki nodded. An easy one to start. “Is that all?"

"Rude, to a fault."

Loki grinned. Yes, he was rude as often as he could be. There was a thrill in pulling out that _wounded_ look from another living creature, knowing just where to touch them for maximum effect.

"You're too quick to anger; you drive me mad with your contrariness."

Contrariness - the perfect word, that desire to oppose simply for the fun of it. So much truth! Perhaps his brother _could_ see. Loki’s grin broadened.

"You..." Thor pushed him towards the bedroom, not quite sure why he was smiling, "are ridiculously, absolutely outrageously jealous."

"I am!" Loki agreed, delightedly, grabbing the lapels of Thor's luxurious red jacket. "Seeing someone else make you happy is almost physically painful."

"Oh, is it your ego, then? You would be the one to do it, because you're better?"

"No." Loki flashed his tongue over his teeth. "Idiot."

"Rude, and brash and disrespectful," Thor muttered, slamming him against the door. "Tell me, then. Enlighten me with your wisdom. I know you think me stupid; you don't have to remind me."

Loki grunted at the impact, then grabbed Thor's lapels again. "Because I need you more than I need air to breathe, and the idea of anyone else making you happy terrifies me. You turn a blind eye to my faults, and I know one day that will change."

Pale fingers, clutching at him. Thor looked up into the matching face, wide-mouthed and gleaming with sweat and fear. "I only have one eye," he offered.

“You were blind before you lost it.” Yet now, he was starting to see. Could he see Loki for what he truly was, and still love him?

Thor let his head fall heavily against Loki's chest. "By the All-Fathers, your hyperbole will undo me one day."

"My love is not _good_ for you. But you can't do anything about it." A crystalline certainty floating on the surface of such depths of ignorance and doubt. Nothing Thor could do could stop Loki’s adoration of him - and nothing Loki could do, either. That sense that he had _tried_.

“Loki, your love is what keeps me going."

Glass walls, rising over a city... "You sent me away. And I tried to have you imprisoned." Not a healthy sort of love.

"You want to know your flaws, Loki?" Thor spoke to his chest, running his hands down the slick material of his shirt. "Here's one. You think caring is a flaw."

"I do. It is." Confused swirls of memory. "I cared for Father. It almost destroyed the kingdom. I cared for Mother. It almost destroyed _me_. And I can't stop caring for you, and believe me, I've tried. So hard."

"Well, you're stuck with me. Consider it a punishment if it helps you." Frustrating to no end though it was, dealing with _this_ Loki was actually a long sought for relief. Thor pushed him gently aside and opened the door.

"Thor! How do I stop it?" Loki asked, anxiously. Thor seemed to have the knack. In New York. On... in... the glass. Loki blinked, confused, chasing fragments of memory that skittered away like drops of mercury.

"It doesn't work like that. Come on." He dragged Loki in by the elbow.

"Then how does it work?" Loki followed the tug.

"You live with it. Accept it or not, but it's not going to stop." He pulled of his jacket and boots, and lay down flat on the bed.

Loki stood and looked down at Thor, twitching with impotence. "I don't accept it. Any of it." But it didn’t matter if he did or not. Thor was right. It wasn’t going to stop.

"Then I will leave you be." Perhaps he meant it. Well, so did Thor. This, too, was love.

And yes. There it was. Loki turned to look over the city. Would ruling it really have made him happy? Well, he would have been loved. Eventually.

Thor sighed. "Come to bed, Loki. I'll leave you be if you want it, but get some rest."

"I'm not in the least bit tired," Loki grumbled.

"Fine." And now, despite everything, neither was Thor.

“I'm remembering too much. And it's all out of order." Loki picked nervously at his fingers.

"Even more?" It seemed to be coming more quickly.

Loki squeezed his eyes closed. "Every memory begets another, but linked by emotion, not time." It was confusing and disorienting, making Loki feel unmoored.

"Sounds like my dreams." They were rarely pleasant these days either.

"But you don't lack memories?" Loki asked, confused. That was _Loki’s_ issue - wasn’t it?

"We've lived long lives. Not everything is always remembered."

"What are _you_ remembering, then?"

"Random things. Childhood pranks." He glanced over. "Hunts. Forgotten battles. A quiet morning by the river when I was just coming of age."

"Who were your loves?" Loki found himself saying. Perhaps this was a way to understand how Thor loved. How and why he loved _Loki_. How and why it might continue - or stop.

"The long list of my conquests; is that what you want?"

Loki shivered. So he was just the latest of many, was he. "Yes." Jealousy and curiosity gnawed at him.

"From the first? Other than you, Sif, I think, was the first." An unripe love, green as apples.

"Sif.” An achingly familiar name. “I cut her hair. She had your adoration."

"You did," Thor nodded. "She beat you."

"And I was glad of it." Yes! He remembered, now. Spite that knew it was spite, grinning up at her with blood on his face - _Do you fuck with this much spirit? No wonder my brother is besotted._

"After that ended," so quickly, on the grander scale of his life, "there was..." So long ago. "Eirin. We fought together. Shared a camp. It was a day or so; we were both lonely."

"I don't know her." Or did know her, and don't remember. "What did you love about her?"

"Her body," Thor snorted. "She was there. I'd wager she'd say the same about me. And," he considered, "her spirit."

"So you love a bright spirit." It made sense. Yet Loki was the darkest of spirits.

"I suppose. A good mind. Someone smarter than me."

The obvious joke was _that's a wide net_ , but Loki didn't feel like joking. What was wrong with him? He sat on the window ledge, pulling his legs up. "It was only ever you. I don't know why or how." The alternative to Thor wasn't another person, it was kingship. A different sort of love. Distant and diffuse. "How do you love so many?"

"I don't. Not like you." _Jane_.

"You have loved women, deeply." The most grudging and surly sacrifice he could ever conceive of making, to save one of his women. The girl with the brown hair, so similar to Sif it made Loki realize Thor had a _type_. Brunette, big-lipped, big-chested…

"One. Yes."

"The one who looked like Sif." The one I thought I had made you happy by saving. "But she's gone."

"I loved her like you." He lay an arm over his face, sighing. "Not as long, though."

Loki laughed. "Too many cities are still standing for you to have loved her like me." The need for Thor's love seemed to drive them both to some interesting places.

Thor was exhausted, hurting and alone, despite the company. Still, it was not a thing to be shared; deeply unfair, when one could no longer see the full picture. They had been happy, after all. "She _could_ not love me as you can. Midgardian bodies are frail."

"Ah." So Loki's uniqueness was his ability to actually stand up to a Thor-fucking. "That must have been frustrating."

"Yes." The things they _could do_ , she did not favor. The things she _wanted_ , hurt her, though she still tried, which was the worst of it. And yet worked, after a fashion, that part of their life together. For a while. And he loved her. More than any woman before or since. He turned over, lifting his arm to see Loki's outline. "You being there didn't help."

Loki’s face twisted wryly. “I ruined your sex life from prison? I am potent, brother.”

"After," he muttered. Loki had known what he meant. "When we were together."

"You watched her sleep." There hadn't been much to that time, had there? But then again, Loki was the one with massive gaps in his memory. He remembered briefly touching her with curiosity when he had sheltered her; she had been soft, warm, like all Midgardians.

"You were _there_." After all that time; Thor just coming to terms with the fact that he _was_ Loki, still, that it had all been a confusing nightmare from which they could rebuild... something. Two people he loved. One who wanted what he could not give her; one, he thought, who would not welcome what Thor wanted. It had been _maddening_.

"And bound." Yes, Loki remembered this. Because it _did things_ to Loki. It made him tease and taunt and try to make Thor put his hands on Loki - in any way at all.

"I... it..." Arousal was _not_ welcome now. He tried to shut it out. "It made me think of you that way again. As I had not done in years."

"It made you want to have sex with me?" Loki asked, bluntly. Some part of him warned against saying too much, of too much vulnerability. The rest of him noted that he had already told Thor he loved him, that he delighted in their sex. There was little more to hold close to his chest.

"I could think of nothing else."

“I could think of little else myself," Loki agreed.

"I..." Thor's mouth was dry. He thought guiltily of Jane.

Don't get too carried away, Loki reminded himself. "But it was because you could not have sex with _her_." It was an insight, of sorts. Thor’s frustrated desire, finding a more physically compatible target.

"I wanted you _both_." Had he not been listening?

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Me in front of her?" Would that have sated both of their desires? Loki was not a marital aid.

"Must you be so literal! I said I _wanted_ you both; not both there and then!"

Loki shrugged. "I'm a creature of impulse."   _The grave's a fine and private place..._ where had _that_ come from?

"Tell me you're not still jealous of my dead ex-girlfriend."

Ah, so she was dead. That did make Loki's heart settle. Only somewhat - death was less permanent than it should be, in his experience. "Why not?"

"Because there is no need. Loki, I have loved you since I knew what love was. It will not end."

Loki looked out over the city. "Valkyrie." Her memory had come from the memory of Sif and the human. So much in common - their looks, their bright spirit, and in her, the strength to stand up to Thor. And... a way with chains? A sense of strong hands binding him.

"What of... No. Please. Not her too."

"She's your type," Loki noted.

“I don’t have a type.”

"Then why do the women you love look so much alike?" And why are they all vaguely annoyed by me?

"I'm not in love with her."

"So you're out of options." Loki was the last one.

"What do you mean?"

"... Almost," Loki self-corrected. There were the superhumans, after all, who might be sufficiently robust. Like _Steve_.

“Almost what?”

"Almost no other options for you." Loki's head hurt. It was right for Thor to have other options, to not be forced into Loki by default - but if he were forced into Loki by default, Loki would have no fear. A dilemma, indeed.

"You can't be... Are you talking about sex??"

And love. The sort of love that followed on the heels of the sex. Or vice versa. "Wasn't that what we were talking about?"

"A moment ago you told me you didn't want to accept my love. Now you're..." He turned again. "You're still drunk. Just... Make up your mind. I'll be here when you decide if you want me or not."

"I want you.” Loki shrugged. That was a constant. “And I'm terrified of what will happen if I have you. How creatively I can be hurt, or I can hurt you." Loki rested his chin on his knees.

"Fairly spectacularly. I expect nothing less of you. But you'll never be rid of me."

"So I might as well have some pleasure amidst the destruction?” Loki pondered.

"The flaws are piling up, you know."

“You'll need to start a comprehensive list. You didn't mention my predilection for you tying me up."

“Your... _what_?" He should just give this up and go to sleep.

"Like in the gondola." Hadn't they just been talking about that? The memory, gaining strength and context as they discussed it, was doing its magic on Loki.

"You..." Thor sat up, leaning towards him. "You liked that." It made a certain sort of sense.

"I was hoping I could provoke you into a little bit more," Loki noted, darkly, the memory flowing a little more clearly, now. "I thought I was about to earn it." And instead, he died a virgin. But, somehow - yes, another frustrating gap in his memory - he got better.

"You never have to earn what you want," Thor said, pointlessly. He rolled over to the side where Loki sat. "There are no chains, here."

Loki surprised himself by grinning. "And I like chains. If they're yours."

There was... Thor slipped his belt off.

Well, then. That was too compelling to resist. Loki slipped off of the windowsill and stood tall. "And do you prefer to trick me, or force me?" Either way was good for Loki.

"Neither! Don't you _want_ this?"

"Well, yes." Loki cocked his head. But pretending he didn’t was half the fun!

Enough. "Turn around."

Loki folded his arms and turned, back straight, keeping his mein calm, doing his best not to display the thrill he was feeling.

"Hands behind your back."

Loki looked over his shoulder. "Make me," he said, his voice half-defiant, half-pleading.

"What did you say?" A faint crackle.

Loki looked out of the window, raising his chin. He had done it so often, all towards the same end. Get a rise out of Thor. He had not realized how literally he wanted that rise, nor how much pleasure it promised. "You heard me."

Thor leaped out if the bed and pressed Loki to against the window, hard.

Loki hit the window with a needy moan, scrabbling at the glass. Oh.  _This_ is what he had been needing. This was what he had wanted every time he fought Thor, stabbed him. Just this. That ambiguous _something_ that Loki had come so close to finding on the practice field…

"I said," Thor wheezed into Loki's ear, "hands behind your back." Working an arm around him, Thor wrenched Loki's left arm back.

Loki made a weak little noise. Yes.  _This_. He needed this like oxygen, like food, like the ground under his feet. His other hand slipped behind him, as well.

"You're learning. Didn't think you were capable of that." All the pain, all the loss, all the panicked confusion - Thor put it all into the power of his grip while he cinched Loki's hands together tightly.

"I don't learn, brother," Loki hissed. I react. I need. I devour.

Thor spun him around, violently, pulling back his hair. "I hate this filthy oily stuff," he snarled, leaning down to bite at Loki's throat.

Loki whimpered with pain and desire. " _I'm_ filthy, brother. And if you take me, you will be, too." Just reality. He would drag Thor down, as he always did. And he didn’t care.

Thor pulled Loki's belt off, cupping his groin. _You hurt me, you bastard; you left me, again and again and again...._

Loki grunted with arousal. "And you will deign to take me? Fuck me to secure my good behavior?" The joke was on Thor, if so. Loki didn't have good behavior.

"Who says I'm going to fuck you?" Picking him up, Thor threw Loki on the bed, tying his legs together with the belt.

"Will you make me beg?" Loki glowered over his shoulder. Because he would, but not without some work.

"No. I'll do what I want with you." He ran a hand over Loki's tight trousers.

"And what _do_ you want with me?" Now that was a question worth a king's ransom of vibranium.

“I want to bind you to me in blood and soul and seiðr, so you can never leave me again." He pressed a hard hand down on the small of Loki’s back.

"Uh," Loki squirmed. This wasn't joking, it wasn't mischief. He didn't know what to do with it. He knew this seiðr without knowing _how_ he knew, better than he knew his own soul, deeply. He must have… studied it. For reasons.   "Do you mean that?"

Thor leaned down with a huff of frustration, his whole body against Loki's bound and held. "I shouldn't. But I do."

Loki was panting like he had run a dead sprint. This was everything he could have wanted. But it was terrifying. And if Thor changed his mind, the seiðr to negate it was soul-wrenching. "Then do it."

...there was a way? "How?"

"You don't know," Loki growled, squirming, his whole body flushing with embarrassment. "You make _that_ proposal, and you don't know _how_?" So it _had_ just been a joke. And Loki had fallen for it, _idiot_ that he was.

"I didn't know it could be done!" Thor bit at his neck in frustration. Did Loki think him a master of seiðr? He was a brute. Nothing more or less.

"Then learn it," Loki said, deflated, "and ask again when you know what it _truly_ entails." Thor wouldn't.

“Do you know it?”

“Of course I do,” Loki responded, irately. He knew all the seiðr.

"Then tell me!" Hel, the smell of him; the feel of his twisting muscles and bound hands, the daggers in his voice. The man he thought he'd lost. Almost there; almost...!

"It's forbidden seiðr," Loki muttered. One of the research trips mother had disapproved of? "It's not simple."

"Nothing about you is simple, brother."

"No. But it needs supplies. Time." He should have known it wasn't a serious proposal. Did Thor just happen to pick up a platinum bowl and have it ready and waiting up his arse?

"Then tell me. Teach me. Promise." He pressed his hard, aching groin against Loki's backside.

"Blood in a platinum bowl. We share our worst memories, the ones we hide from ourselves, the ones we're most ashamed of." Loki frowned. "I might not have that one yet." There was definitely room to go down from what he currently remembered.

"You take shame in odd things." Love. Affection. "Will it not work, then? Unless your memory is whole?"

"I don't know, do I! It's not common!" Loki huffed.

"But," he clambered down, pulling Loki's slick leather trousers down to bite at the join of his buttocks and the slope of his back, "it will bind us? Me to you? You to me?"

Loki yelped at the feel of teeth breaking flesh. "Yes. More than you probably want."

"Not possible." Teeth scraped across skin.

"You don't even know the seiðr." There was no way he could understand the implications. It was probably just... "And you will let your friends know that you bound Loki?" That would please them.

"It is not for them to know." As intimate as this - his tongue pressing between Loki’s cheeks.

“Oh." Loki's eyes flew wide. Thor’s tongue… there?? Rational thought took a holiday.

"All of you."

"Don't stop," Loki gasped. He wanted to spread his legs, press against Thor's tongue, but he was bound, and it was perfect…

Had Thor been sober, or anywhere near his right mind, this would not have appealed. But now... all he felt was the overpowering need to _taste_ and _feel_ and _own_. Everything. His tongue breached the tight muscle (not too tight, and there was a thought), and he was _in_ Loki. His hands tore at the leather, pulling it further down, over the swollen erection in front.

"Thor," Loki whimpered. His brother’s tongue was wet and _inside_ of him and warm and simply impossible. "Please, please!!" He squirmed against his bonds.

_Asking_. Thor lifted him roughly by the hips, licking, pressing, burying his mouth in him. _Loki_. His.

"Yes," Loki moaned, his face pressed against the sheets. Delirious pleasure. So wet, so perfect, flooding him with joy that should have been too simple to be _enough_ for him - but it _was_ enough.

The sounds Loki made! Thor spread him with one hand, trying to plunge deeper.

Open and exposed. Like being bound, it only worked because it was Thor. Intolerable, from anyone else!

Thor pressed his hand down between Loki and the mattress, the gap barely enough for it to fit. He lifted Loki higher, taking him by the hand.

Loki let out a long, shuddering, whimpering moan. Thor's hand practically swallowed his penis...

****

* * *

 

Tony played with the glass in his hands. Empty. How many times had he filled it? He should stop. But he was a dick, and drinking helped with that. Or rather, helped him mind it less, and that was close enough for now.

A total dick.

Yes, Loki was a villain, and it was perfectly reasonable for Tony to resent Thor getting him back, especially when Tony was missing people who _wouldn’t_ come back. And the godling was a prickly little shit. But so was Tony, and suicide really was one of those things to sit back and nod about instead of sticking his foot in.

"Everything all right, Mister Stark?" Stuart collected the empty glasses Thor and Loki had left behind.

And Stuart, now. Tony had passed the point where kids who could legally drink and fuck were quite literally half his age. It made him _feel_ it all. Life was short, too short to make enemies of good people, especially when so many were gone.

He needed to go apologise. To Thor. And... he took a deep breath… Loki.

****

* * *

 

Thor pulled back, gasping. "Need you."

"Take me," Loki begged, "I'm ready." Wet and open and needing.

"Gods and demons..." Thor wrenched his hand away to pull down his trousers, pushing into Loki the moment his cock was freed.

Loki cried out. Filled, that _too much_ that was just perfect. So perfect. He had suspected that Thor might have it within him to find that delicious balance of pleasure and pain, but he had no idea he would do it _so_ well. Loki wrenched against his bonds with deliriously pleasurable futility.

"Loki...!" An urgency that was almost fear. He leaned forward, knowing somewhere at the back of his mind that this had to be painful. But Loki. Loki.

Loki cried out with pain and reaction. "Th... or," he managed. This was what he needed. Every last bit of it.

Thor was yelling, throwing himself at Loki, grabbing him by the hair and pulling him up high enough to reach his mouth with his own.

****

* * *

 

"Where are you going?" Stuart asked as Tony stalked off. He was too drunk to drive anywhere, and Stuart had a responsibility...

"Off to apologize," Tony said, tightly. Telling someone else made it real. He was committed, now.

"Um..." Stuart looked at his watch. It was after 11pm. "They might be busy?"

"Don't worry, I won't wake them up." Tony stalked past the boy, down the corridor to the door of their guest room, and knocked gently. "Thor?" He could hear... sounds. And then, a yell that was quickly smothered.

Tony stepped back. Was that... was everything all right? He had a responsibility for his guests' privacy - but for their safety, as well, and this was _Loki_ he had left Thor alone in a room with... He pulled out his glasses and slid them on, calling up the surveillance cameras for that room. If Loki was up to no good, he owed Thor his help. If they were fucking - well, he’d seen fucking before, he’d live.

He froze at what he saw.

Yeah, he had been there - so hot and desperate for sex that nobody involved had been able to fully get their clothes off before things _had_ to go into other things. But it was quite something to be slapped in the eyes with. Loki bound at the ankles and wrists, pants around his knees, silk shirt riding up, and Thor undressed just barely enough to be balls-deep inside of him, his hand twisted in Loki's long hair, controlling him, yanking, kissing, _fucking_...

Tony stumbled back and away, ripping off his glasses. Served him right, looking in on a private room. Served him fucking right. He needed another drink.

"Someone is trying to call your cell phone number, boss," Friday's smooth, even voice echoed into Tony's ear. "The old one you told me to keep track of."

"Send it through," Tony replied, walking to the bar. The implant worked well. No need to remember to charge the bluetooth.

"...Tony?" Steve didn't quite trust his own voice.

Tony froze, one hand on the bottle. “Hey, Stars and Stripes," Tony said, tightly. That voice… after what he just saw… he was getting every type of discomfiting stimulation, tonight.

"Man, it's really late where you are, right? I keep forgetting about the time difference."

Tony leaned on the bar and took a careful breath, grasping for his persona like a lifeline. "I might be old, but I'm not in bed at 8. Skip the pleasantries, Steve, what's this about?"

Right. This was Tony. In every sense that entailed. "I feel like I brushed you off when we spoke, before. Look, if you need help, and you can tolerate it from me, I'm there."

I need you to stop hating me. I need you to… undo what happened. "My main priorities are rebuilding the area and killing Thanos. Thor and his slippery brother are helping with the first, so anything you want to do on the second would be great."

"Yeah, I heard had some kind of project going?" Steve tried not to sound as pathetic as he felt. "It's been rough on all of us, but that's no excuse. I've sort of taken over Bucky's old place. I try to help out locally. But it's not..." Saving the world.

Tony settled on one of the barstools and poured himself a drink. A gentler one, mixed with soda. Sometime in the future, he'd be able to deal with hearing that name with equanimity. The man who drove them apart. "Look, Steve, I'm not your dad. If you want to do something over here, come here, we'll talk it over. If not, stay there, bake bread."

Stuart gave him an odd look. Tony waved him off. The kid should be in bed, or off doing something fun. Or both at once.

"Yeah, I know." It was becoming increasingly hard not to think of Tony as his conscience. "I actually meant to warn you about Loki, too, but I see you figured that out for yourself."

"Well, he's been here for over a full day, and I haven't seen a single Chitauri ship. Thor is fucking him, and doing it quite well, so maybe he just needed _that_." Did Steve know? That Loki would be under Thor’s… influence?

"Well. That's good. I guess?"

"There's no accounting for taste, and if it keeps him out of trouble, I'll buy lube by the barrel." Stop talking about sex, he fumed at himself. It was like picking at a scab.

"I sure hope sexual frustration wasn't the root of his problems." Steve would have leveled a good few cities by now, if it were.

"I hope it was. It's easily fixed. I mean... well, it's not, generally, but _he_ did." Tony leaned back on the bar with a sigh.

"I'm... maybe I should be shocked, but honestly? I'm not. I saw Thor when the capsule landed." Bucky grinned, waving at him from the kitchen. Yeah, easy for him, wasn't it?

"I didn't. Any more gossip on who's fucking whom?" Like a bunch of frustrated housewives. Still, better than talking about what happened. About the emotions Steve brought up in him, which only got more complicated every year. Tony couldn't handle it, not right now.

"I don't really socialize that much." Bucky didn't count. And Rocket, well, he'd just rather not speculate.

"Well, if you want to come to a very social city, let me know when you'll be here, and I'll have my seconds ready. Thunder God and his boy toy are evaluating where they want to build their love nest, and I'm pitching the Big Apple pretty hard. We have better bars than Wakanda, even if the tech isn’t on the same level." Creative depravity had to count for something.

"Yeah?" Tony wanted _them_ there? Both of them, importantly? Then there might be a chance, even for him. "Any bar sounds good about now."

"That's why I'm in mine." The lights of the city sparkled far below - quiet, cool, soothing.

Tony was drinking. Well, far be it from Steve to judge anyone's coping mechanisms. "You still have that special stuff you made for me? Really had a kick to it. I'm lucky if I get a five minute buzz on anything else."

"Yeah. It works on Thor and the other guy, too. I'll have more made. You've got to promise not to try to kill me again," Tony added, bitterly.

"I wouldn't ask the same in return. I probably deserve it."

"Don't go feeling sorry for yourself. We don't have time for that anymore." Tony would have to work up some sort of reminder system to keep _him_ from doing it.

"Oh, I don't. It's everyone else." He tried to make a joke of it. "It's good. This. Talking."

Talking. It never worked out well for them. It was like they spoke two different languages that just happened to sound similar. "Look, Steve, just get your noble ass back here if you're determined to. I'm not happy about it, but we're dealing with the extremes of strange bedfellows these days."

"Got it. I get it. Sorry."

Steve never took the bait. For good reason.  "Need anything else?"

You to forgive me. "No. Again, sorry." He paused, pressing the heel of his hand into his eyes. He couldn't see Bucky anymore. The room was too hazy. "Honestly, I just wanted to hear your voice. I'll leave you alone."

"Get over here, then. If you're desperate for _my_ voice, you're not doing okay. We'll send you on a trip to Kentucky or wherever the fuck you're from. Get you laid with a farmgirl and go to a hoedown." Provocative misstatements. Tony knew far too much about Steve; where and when he was born, his performance in school (terrible penmanship, decent at math, excellent English), the details of every false Army application he had ever filed, the details of his pre-serum health (lupus, looked like). He had memorized Steve’s section of dad’s files by the time he was ten.

"I forged so many papers even I'm not sure where I'm from anymore. I... are they still doing... it's Pride, isn't it? That's what it's called?"

"Yeah, next Sunday. If that's the way you swing, you're going to be very popular." If that was the way he swung, Tony was going to have to keep an eye on Stuart. Steve was just the type to turn the eye of a young person. Other body parts, too. He could make even straight men like Tony… well, no. Not the time to think about these things.

So he didn't know. Steve wasn't sure if he should be relieved or upset. "Haven't really had much time to swing either way, but I like the idea."

"Whatever you do, don't tell me I'm your _type_." No jokes, no teasing - not about _that_.

Steve laughed. What else could you do with that level of nervous shock?

"Yeah, that's the reaction I usually get these days." Not really. He had money, and that gave him a certain pass. But the magic didn't work if you knew that was the reason someone was coming on to you, and Tony did. Steve was one of the few who didn’t seem to give a shit about him being rich.

This, Steve tried to tell himself, was definitely the wrong time to mention that Howard had once gotten drunk and made out with him. "Yeah, I've always been a terrible flirt."

"Yup. It's not working." Of course it was.  _Something_ was. Steve’s very existence was the sort of flirtation that didn’t know it was so appealing, and was doubly appealing because of that.

"Sorry. I'm a little... they have this plant, here."

Tony frowned, then smiled, then frowned, then chuckled. "Is the all-American boy sampling some Mexican agriculture?"

"Yeah, I don't think this stuff is Mexican. I don't think they have it anywhere else than here."

"Then bring some of it with you."   _This is your Captain America on drugs_. Tony… rather liked it. They should make some more PSAs.

"I'll try. Do they have customs here?"

"There's a pilot named T'eesha. Ask for her to take you, she won't search your bag on that end. On my end - I have certain privileges, here." The Port Authority knew he brought a lot of value to the city, and he didn't do anything _too_ naughty to ruin that. Bringing in an international criminal might be pushing it a bit, but maybe he could make the lobbying pay off.

Steve laughed. That was easy now, suddenly. "I'll do that."

"Tell me when you leave. I'll have a room made up on the other end of the building from me, and I'll have a half-naked boy named Adam waiting for you."

"I, uh, Tony, I wasn't kidding when I said I hadn't had much time to, y'know."

Of course Steve wouldn’t get the joke.  "He's there to do your laundry and trim that godawful hair. Get your mind out of the gutter."

"I like my hair."

"I don't. No self-respecting sexual partner would, either. You had the perfect wide-eyed farm boy look going on that made everyone want to corrupt you, and then you had to put on the emo folk band style." Then again, that beard _was_ very Brooklyn.

"I'll think about it," Steve said, a little too quickly.

"You do that." Tony polished off his drink and poured a finger of straight whiskey, ambling towards his room. "I'm having another drink and going to bed. You're welcome to stay on the line while I jerk off and go to sleep, but otherwise, text me when you're coming."

Steve giggled. Actually giggled. Yeah, he needed to get more of this stuff. Actual feelings were happening. "How can I text you when I'm coming, if I'm staying on the line while you are?"

Tony's lip twitched upwards. He couldn’t help it, Steve was so _adorable_. "They grow potent stuff in Wakanda."

"Oh, man. Let me tell you." Wait. This phone had a screen. Did Tony's?

Tony pushed open the door to his room with a sigh. He was in this for the long haul. "You're going to, aren't you."

"Wait... wait..." You pressed this button and the camera turned on. Was that right?

Tony stretched out on the bed and sipped. "I feel like I'm talking you down from something."

“I thought there was a camera on this thing."

"I'm sure there is. Don't make me watch _you_ jerk off; I'm nowhere near drunk enough." He never had been much of a voyeur.

But he'd listen? "All right. Sure."

"I'd say I had to sign off because I have pressing business in bed, but sadly, I don't." Tony stared at the ceiling.

"I'm not in bed. I don't sleep much."

"Then that plant isn't working. I have a few things that do." To which Tony was rapidly building a tolerance.

"I'm going to come over. I'm not just saying that. I'll cut my hair, if you think it'll help."

"You don't have to give a damn what I think of your hair, Steve." Or anything else. He never had, after all.

"I want..." he sighed. "He died, and I never told him. So I have to tell you. Because we both might die."

Tony gritted his teeth for just a moment. No question who the _he_ was. So Steve just wanted to call him up to talk about Bucky. "What could I possibly want to hear that you would have told to _him_?" Steve didn’t love him like he loved Bucky, and it was petty to be bothered by that, but Tony knew himself. He had an expansive capacity for pettiness, and he had to pick and choose when to control it and when to let it go.

"No, no... I mean, I like you."

Really? Was Steve stuck in sixth grade? Or just trying to be painfully accurate? "Old man, stop taking that plant. Hang up. I'll get you better drugs, I promise."

"Sorry." He kept saying that. He should stop. "Good night, Tony."

"Sleep tight. Give Shuri a kiss from me." She wouldn’t punch Steve. And if she did, he could take it.

"Yeah. Thor... Thor is a good man. I hope he's happy."

"He looked pretty damn happy.” Ecstatic, even. Well, he had Loki, and the crazy ones were sometimes amazing in bed…

"That's good. M'... g'night."

"Sober up." Tony broke the connection with a sigh. It was utterly ridiculous, after everything, to get worked up talking to Steve. But it had always been that way. Everything else was just… layered over the top. He was distracted by soft sounds outside of his still-open door. "Oh, hey." Shit. Responsibilities - he wasn’t alone in this tower. He stood with great care and walked over to where Stuart stood, uncertainly, in the corridor.

"Oh, hey Mr. Stark. I wasn't listening."

"I don't care. Look, sorry I've been distracted the last few days. I have some bullshit in the morning, but let's take some time to check out your project in the evening." He had seen more of Tony's lab recently than Tony had.

"Really?" He hadn't thought there would be much time, but there was so much he wanted to pick Tony's brains about (and just when had he started thinking about him as Tony - not important). "I'd appreciate that."

"You're a good kid." Tony squeezed his shoulder. "And the best personal assistant I've had." Not really a lie. Just because Pepper was… _Pepper_ didn’t mean she didn’t have her ups and downs. And when it came down to it, she was CEO material, not PA material. She was made for giving orders, not taking them.  Stuart was _earnest_. And he acted - and looked - older than he was. Older than...

"Thank you, sir. I'm just glad I can help you out."

"You deal with weird guests better than I would have guessed." Today had stretched that one for sure, today.

"You see a lot of weird people, living in this city."

“Fair point." Tony drained his drink. He was drunk enough, he decided, putting the glass aside.

"Is..." he hesitated, looking at the clear silhouette Tony was making, the bulge in his trousers, the heat on his face. "...there anything else I can do for you tonight?"

Jerk me off? Tony laughed slightly. "Probably not. It's been a weird evening."

"All right. I'll be here if you need me, though."

"When did you first know you liked guys?" Tony found himself asking. Steve brought up that line of thought, he supposed, a direction he lead Tony down.

"Uh, I dunno. Don't know," he corrected himself, caught off guard. "I guess I just always knew I was different. I like girls too, you know, just not..." He shrugged. "Enough."

Tony did laugh, then. A freeing sensation. "Enough to deal with the horror that is a vagina,” he teased. “That does take a lot."

The confused, disapproving look appeared on Stuart's face before he could check himself. Dammit. He recovered, but not soon enough. Tony was quick, even when this drunk. "Nothing wrong with them, sir. Just not my thing."

Tony laughed again at the _look_ and hugged the boy. "You're adorable, you know." God, it felt good to laugh. Giddy. He hadn't been doing that recently.

Oh _good_. He wasn't in trouble! And the hug was nice. Really nice. Stuart leaned into it, a little more than he should.

"You should get a boyfriend," Tony said, stupidly. "Life's too short." Too many chances to lose someone. Too much time wasted being lonely. And it certainly seemed to be working out for Loki, and Stuart was a better person than him in most ways.

"I'd sure like to."

"Then take an evening off sometime. Go on a date." Tony released him. Good-looking kid, smart, and nice to hold. He'd have no problems.

"That's nice of you, and it seems interesting and all, but I like it here." He looked up and smiled, a little.

"Hanging out with a guy old enough to be your dad?" The kid needed to get out more. If he met just a few smart young boys like him, he wouldn’t wandering around the tower most nights.

"You're a lot smarter than anyone I'd meet at a bar." Hotter, too.

"If I weren't smarter than the average twink at a bar, Stark Industries would collapse."

Stuart laughed. "You're good people, Mr. Stark."

"I need to keep you around just to nurture and cuddle my ego." Tony squeezed his shoulder again.

"I could do more than that. If you wanted. You know I want to." He tried not to sound too eager.

Tony's mouth tried to figure out how he felt. "What do you mean, kid?" Surely...

"If you're lonely. If you want some company?"

Alcohol and arousal and surprise all conspired against Tony. Before he was fully cognizant of what he was doing, he gasped and grabbed Stuart's cheeks, kissing him deeply.

Oh jeez. Fuck. Either one of those! Stuart had never kissed anyone, not like that, but he had watched a LOT of porn. He tried to go along with what Tony was doing.

And then Tony's conscience came by like the hall monitor asking why he wasn't in class and didn't have pants on. He pushed away, holding his hand out as if to demarcate appropriate distance. "No. No way. You're my employee, you're half my age at _most_ ," he reminded himself.

Shit! He's blown it, this was it. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

What, _Stuart_ was sorry? "No, no, it's NOT your fault. Not your fault at all. I'm the responsible adult here - god help us - and I'm supposed to know better. And I do, my dick just doesn't. Never did."

"No, I was flirting with you. I'm sorry. I know you're not interested. I'm just going to go to bed now. Uh, all right?" He was hard, and not a little scared.

Damn it, now he was going to give the kid an inferiority complex. "I _am_ interested, that's the problem, I'd have to be dead not to be interested in you, go to bed," he said in one breath.

"It's all good." Stuart held his hand out. He didn't understand any of this, but he was out of danger and he aimed to keep it that way. "Won't happen again. Good night, Mr. Stark."

Tony squeezed Stuart's hand firmly. What was _wrong_ with him? Too little sex? Probably. But he was just so tired of one-night-stands with people he barely knew, with professionals who were lovely and professional but gone the next morning. "You're a good kid. And attractive. Make sure dirty old men don't take advantage of you." Because, he realized to his horror, they _would_.

"I won't. It's all right," he added, sensing that it was needed. "You didn't do anything wrong." He hurried off before he could put his foot further in to his mouth.

Tony slammed the door shut and leaned against it for just a heartbeat, then tore off his shirt, undershirt, and jeans, and jumped into the bed, fishing for the lube. He was going to jerk off so hard he'd surely lose skin.


	7. Chapter 7

"Mmph."  Loki blinked to wakefulness as the sullen red sunrise started to slip into the room.  He was _Loki_ .  The name meant so much more than syllables, now.  No, he still didn't have his full memory - but he had a fair amount of it now, albeit riddled with some frustrating gaps.  His wrists and ankles and arse ached, deliciously, as he stretched. ****  
** **

Thor resisted the urge to open his eyes. Was he dead? No. Death would be nothingness; this was a dull, aching pain in his head accompanied by a profound sense of guilt and shame. And there was something else in his mind. Something… undefined. A trophy? What... what had he _done_ last night? ****  
** **

Loki turned over with a satisfied moan, the little reminders of the night before as he moved filling him with gentle pleasure.  Thor's eyes were still closed, almost aggressively so. He poked the man's large, muscular side. "Get up, lazy." ****  
** **

"What did I _do_ ?" Loki would know. Wait. _Loki_ . His eyes flew open, turning over. ****  
** **

"You tied me up and fucked me into the mattress."  Loki's lip twisted at the pained, stressed tone he heard in Thor’s voice.  "Forgettable, I know." ****  
** **

"I'm never drinking that foul stuff again." ****  
** **

Loki shifted.  He had drunk the same _stuff_ , and aside from a bit of discomfort somewhere just behind his ears, he felt fine... "You forgot last night?" ****  
** **

"No." But certain things would have gone quite differently without it. He sighed. "I remember." Loki did look ridiculously satisfied. "And it seems you do, too." ****  
** **

"I seem to remember it as a better time than you do."  Did Thor's _honor_ get in the way of him enjoying a little mutually pleasurable sadism? Loki tightened.  Thor’s disapproval, no less devastating for its familiarity, squeezed his mind. ****  
** **

"If you enjoyed it..." It lay heavily across his mind like Møljner of old. But he could not argue with that smirk. He ruffled Loki's already mussed hair. Better. ****  
** **

Ugh, what a mess.  Thor was a terrible actor, and him trying to put a happy face on his disgust was worse than him just showing it.  "I did." Loki rolled out of bed. "You didn't?" He walked towards the shower. ****  
** **

"I enjoy anything I do with you." ****  
** **

"By Odin's beard," Loki snapped, "your legendary courage abandons you in bed. Say 'I enjoyed it' or 'I did not.' Or don't, it's very clear." He turned on the water.  It would not wash the vileness out of him. ****  
** **

"I did at the time," Thor raised his voice. "But I was not in my right mind." ****  
** **

"Excellent." He would never have enjoyed that in his right mind, would he.  And it was as Loki had said. Everything _filthy_ about his soul would taint Thor, drag him down. He stepped into the shower and started to clean himself. Fingertip-shaped bruises were blossoming on his hips and thighs. He wished he could enjoy them. ****  
** **

"I don't like hurting you!" ****  
** **

"It depends on how you define it." There was a certain type of _hurt_ that Thor seemed to enjoy a great deal.  But it was just reminding Loki of who he was, wasn’t it. ****  
** **

Thor threw the covers aside. Hel, he was still in his trousers, half-undone. He pulled them off entirely. "Just what exactly do you mean?" ****  
** **

Loki sighed, soaping up his hair. " _Hurt_ is not a single, monolithic entity." He spoke carefully, his words clipped. ****  
** **

"I know that well." This... was a different note. How much did he remember, now? Thor stuck his head into the bathroom, carefully. ****  
** **

"Physical pain in moderation pleases me." And after so much time, Thor still did not understand. Or, rather, did understand and was disgusted by it.  That disgust, that rejection, was the pain Loki did _not_ like. ****  
** **

"So." Thor stepped inside, watching Loki through the damp glass. "That's what you liked so much about it." ****  
** **

"That _you_ did it to me," Loki clarified. He hadn't even thought, at the time, that it was Thor debasing himself, _down_ to Loki's level. He should have. ****  
** **

"And would you have me do it again?" The world was shifting. Thor's focus was changing, slowly. This... _was_ the Loki he knew. ****  
** **

"Not now that I know how profoundly it disgusts you, no." Loki soaped up his body. He had red marks on his ankles and wrists that he again wished he could unreservedly enjoy. ****  
** **

"It does not disgust me." Thor threw the shower door open, stepping inside. ****  
** **

"Select your favorite word, then. You did not enjoy it." It was difficult to pretend to ignore someone that large in a stall that small, but Loki gave it his all. He was, he realized yet again, almost as weak and soft to Thor as the Midgardians were to him. ****  
** **

"Interest." He ran a hand over the marks on Loki's wrists. "How does that strike you?" ****  
** **

"You did not have the mein of a man _interested_ , in bed just now." Loki pulled his hands away.  And to pretend, to limp along until the next act that disgusted Thor, did neither of them any favors. ****  
** **

"I did not forget the seiðr." ****  
** **

Loki put his fingernails on the marks on Thor's chest. "You aren't regretting this yet?" A minor bond, not on the level of soul-bonding. ****  
** **

“Never.” ****  
** **

"We'll see." Loki rinsed himself.   _Never_ was a long time. Cracks were showing already. ****  
** **

"I'm not _regretting_ anything." He elbowed his way to the soap. Would Loki ever just _enjoy_ their time together? ****  
** **

"Except last night." Loki stepped out of the shower and started to towel himself off. Except for the best sex Loki could conceive of having. ****  
** **

"Including last night, gods damn you!" He soaped up, angrily. ****  
** **

Was Thor trying to rewrite history? "You liked it last night, but not this morning. How is that not regret?" ****  
** **

"If you liked it, it's fine! I want you to like it, Loki. Just because I didn't love it does not mean I regret doing it!" ****  
** **

"That's very magnanimous of you."  Loki opened the closet. His Wakandan clothing had been cleaned and put up with the new clothing.  He put on the blue-black tunic and a pair of leather trousers. ****  
** **

"In all the realms..." Thor plunged his head under the water. _I waited for you to return from the dead_ .  He schooled himself to calm. What was he doing wrong? ****  
** **

Loki paused, his hands halfway through trying to comb his hair.  "We're a bit short on realms these days." ****  
** **

A knock at the door. "Hey." Tony's voice sounded raspier than usual, Loki noted.  It soothed him to think the man might have had a worse night than Loki. ****  
** **

"You deal with him." ****  
** **

Loki opened the door with a plan.  It was important to keep people off balance. "Tony. Your liquor and conversation helped me remember more than I did before. You _were_ the man without a heart." He tapped Tony's chest with a fingernail, remembering when that _clinked_ . ****  
** **

"Yeah, don't do that."  Tony pushed at his hand.  Loki let him. "The big guy is cleaning up?" ****  
** **

"Yes." Loki looked down at his chest with curiosity.  "Did it help to modulate your emotions?" If Loki's would stop racing when he thought of... certain things, it might be a boon. ****  
** **

"No.  If you guys are up for it, I have a schedule of good deeds for the day." ****  
** **

I should have been so straightforward. Loki was back. Let him recover. Let him be with Thor if he wanted, leave him be if not. Delight in him being alive. But Loki both wanted and despised him, loved him and pushed him away, took his affection then flinched at it the next day. His allies and friends did not understand and hated the man he was trying to love. The world needed saving. Again. Thor was strong. He could take a lot of things but even mountains crumbled under too much pressure. He leaned against the wall. Ready? No. ****  
** **

"I will ask.  I have nothing else planned."  Loki grinned wickedly. Not _now_ , at least. ****  
** **

Tony pointed.  "You might want to do _that_ a little less." Loki had a grin that looked like it was about to tear your throat out.  "And while you're talking, think about how you want to present yourself. If you're going to set up shop here, you might want to think about your permanent..." Tony waved at him, "look."  Humans would probably take a blue ice beast better than Loki's usual look, but would take something more _human_ better. ****  
** **

"We will," Loki promised.  Speaking of _looks_ , Tony looked haggard, tired, beleaguered.  And had no illusion to cover it. Yes, that was pleasing.  "We will join you shortly." He closed the door as the man gave him a mocking salute and walked away. ****  
** **

The water was uncomplicated. At least. Thor enjoyed it as long as he could, then shut it off. This was untenable. He was useful to no one like this. Do the simple, needed things. Dry off. Look like a person. Well, one out of two. And thus ill prepared, Thor stepped into the bedroom. ****  
** **

Loki turned to Thor, raking his hands through his hair.  The man was always so striking, breeding an interesting soup of admiration, jealousy, inferiority, and desperate sexual arousal. "Tony looked terrible." ****  
** **

"I'm not surprised." Loki, effortlessly amazing. As always. No sign of concern one way or another. ****  
** **

"I believe you affected him profoundly last night." Thor's wet hair was sticking up in a million directions. Loki ran his hand through it to settle it. That degree of affection, surely, was not fraught. ****  
** **

Thor closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. He felt like a touch-starved cat. "What did I do?" ****  
** **

"You made an enemy seem like a person,” Loki noted, putting his hand through Thor’s hair again.  He couldn’t help it. “That is always disconcerting." ****  
** **

Thor smiled, his eyes still closed. "I love you, Loki." ****  
** **

"You do?" Loki paused. ****  
** **

"It's about the only thing I know with certainty. I love you." He opened his eyes, needing to see as well as hear. ****  
** **

"That's all I ever wanted, you know." Loki paused. "Well, so to speak. It's never that simple. I wanted your admiration as well." And your sex.  But the sort of filthy sex that wasn’t in Thor’s nature. ****  
** **

"You went at Thanos with your bare hands and a dagger. I can't imagine what could make me admire you more." He smiled, gently. "Perhaps bringing life to dead soil." ****  
** **

Loki pulled back. "I remember that, now.”  Just that one _moment_ , the weapon in his hand.  A haze before and after. “I honestly thought it _might_ work. It was poisoned." Not like the times he stabbed Thor.  A larger dagger, not like his delicate dirks, and envenomed. It would have done something. ****  
** **

"I should have known." He needed something more solid than the cloth trousers Tony had provided. They felt wrong. Nothing was leather. He looked over to Loki's side of the closet. ****  
** **

"There's no chance my clothes will fit.” Loki waved dismissively, sitting on the bed. “Ask Tony's boy for leather if you want." ****  
** **

"Can you persuade them to fit me?" ****  
** **

"Uh." Loki cocked his head. Hide, formerly living flesh. It had some limited ability to move, change, stretch, alter. Stretching to fit Thor. He grinned - yes, he had some skill at _that_ \- and stood. "Take a pair and try to put them on." ****  
** **

The shins worked, after a fashion. Somewhere around mid-thigh, however, Thor had to give up. He twitched a smile at Loki. "You were right. This isn't going to work." ****  
** **

Loki put his hands on the thigh. _Shift. Expand. Stretch_ . ****  
** **

Suddenly, Thor's hands were moving as the leather yielded, shaping itself to him. He pulled, just lightly, and it fit around his waist and hips like it was molded to him. ****  
** **

"Not a bad look," Loki noted, dryly. Black was a bit dour for Thor, but the clinging fit was delectable, outlining his muscles, his buttocks, the gentle bulge of his penis. ****  
** **

"You know your way around clothes." He fastened it securely. "And my body." ****  
** **

"I've been an interested student for many centuries now." Of the latter. ****  
** **

Loki's eyes - there was the difference. Age did not show on the faces of Aesir, and Loki's face was Aesir; had gotten used to being so, not so easily, but you could tell by the eyes. So much of him was there, now. It felt like a sigh all through Thor’s being. "I know I vex you, at the best of times. I can be pig-headed, and I lose myself in thought." He put a hand on Loki's shoulder. "You know I'm no good with words, so try to count my deeds, if you can, as credit for them." ****  
** **

"If we count our deeds, brother, I would deadlock any jury." Spectacularly good and spectacularly bad. ****  
** **

"It's not a contest." He smiled. "You're going to say everything is, aren't you?" ****  
** **

"It seems to be, with us." Loki folded his arms again, casting his mind to what Tony had said. "Tony prefers my Aesir form, and I feel like most of the humans do."  The familiar was always preferred. ****  
** **

"It looks more like them. Understandable." Grey undershirt. It fit his mood nicely. ****  
** **

"I would have to alter it only slightly, I believe, to not look enough like myself to be immediately terrifying." He had done quite enough to be terrifying, hadn't he. ****  
** **

"Such as?" ****  
** **

"I will _not_ cut my hair like you,” it suited Thor, but Loki wasn’t Thor, “but I could appear to." ****  
** **

Thor narrowed his eyes. Loki's features were quite distinctive. "Will that really be enough?" ****  
** **

"You tell me." One change - turning his pale skin more pinkish, more like the warm skin of Midgardians.  Another - his hair short, almost as short as Thor's - and yes, change the color, make it lighter, warmer, browner, a little reddish. ****  
** **

Thor smiled. Everything was a different color, yes, but the eyes, in all respects, were the same. "I see you clearly." ****  
** **

"We will see if the weak ones do." ****  
** **

"I do like this." His hair was like that, when he was a boy, all soft and curled. Thor had to touch it. Only illusion, of course, but minds were affected as well as the eyes. He could almost feel it. ****  
** **

"Good." Was that good? It was good enough for Loki. ****  
** **

"Let's take it for spin." ****  
** **

Loki opened the door and mockingly gestured Thor through. ****  
** **

Picking up his crumpled jacket, Thor followed. ****  
** **

Tony looked up as Thor and... Loki, it must be... entered the breakfast room. "Nice look," he told the trickster. Human, tall and slender and haughty, the central casting call for the 1990s era movie villain. ****  
** **

"I know him easily, but others may not." ****  
** **

"I don't think they will.”  That black hair and inhumanly pale skin tended to be what stuck.  “Sit down, have some breakfast. Busy day ahead." Tony poked at a boiled egg.  After last night, he had no appetite. ****  
** **

"I must apologize for my behavior last night." Thor sat down, looking at the spread of food as though planning a line of attack. "I was not in my right mind." ****  
** **

"And I was being a dick.  I wanted to come by to apologize..." Tony was massacring his egg with his fork, "but I didn't want to... wake you." ****  
** **

"You would not have," Loki said smoothly, provocatively, pouring himself a cup of coffee.  He took a small, careful sip. Dark and bitter - he liked it. ****  
** **

It was so nice of Loki to remind him, wasn't it.  That they had been up half the night fucking through the bed - the bed that Tony had replaced with a reinforced one, strong enough to drop a truck on.  Bad dreams, his ass. And Tony had to be the _good_ guy, the responsible one, not touching his gorgeous young assistant after Steve had called, leaving him more worked up than he had any right to be... Tony tossed the fork aside.  "I thought we might split up today. We have a legit wrecking crew that Gordon Gecko here can help with, and Blondie, if you can help me with some i-beams, we can frame up a new apartment and get a month's worth of work done in a day." ****  
** **

"It shall be done." Tony would trust Loki on his own? ****  
** **

Tony gave up food as a bad deal.  "Right. Stuart will take twinky here where he needs to go, and we'll fly." ****  
** **

Thor nodded, mid-ham slice. ****  
** **

Tony pushed his plate away and poured a fresh coffee into his travel mug. "Stuart, I texted you the address?" The kid had been practically hiding in the corner, staring at Loki. That bothered Tony because Loki was the God of Lies. Yes, that was why. ****  
** **

"Uh, yes, Mr. Stark." ****  
** **

Thor worked his way through the rest of the offerings on his plate. ****  
** **

Loki inhaled the steam from the coffee.  A little too hot for his tastes - but bracing.  He appreciated it. "Whenever you're ready," he told the boy.  Thor would be eating for a while. ****  
** **

"We can go right now if you want, Mr..." There was something familiar, sure, and Stuart was smart enough to know it could really only be one person, but that was not why he asked the question. ****  
** **

"Hveðrungr," Loki offered. Well, he'd answer to it. ****  
** **

"Sure," Stuart said. "Right this way, Mr. Hveðrungr." Stuart was a good singer, always got the solos in church. He knew how to get sounds right. ****  
** **

And on the first try. Tony ratcheted his respect for the kid up another notch as Loki stood and followed. ****  
** **

Thor looked up at the name. Odin's name, given to his son in equal measure of respect. What was Loki remembering, now? Or was it just a game, as always? Probably both. He shrugged, finishing his eggs.  ****  
** **

Tony topped off his coffee and stood, leaning against the sideboard. "Is that really his name?" he asked Thor, once the other two had left. ****  
** **

"As much as yours is Iron Man." He glanced up, setting down his fork. "It is one of many." ****  
** **

"And how many do you have?" Tony asked, curiously.  Thor had always been… Thor, to him. Tall and muscular, an almost literal deus ex machina to swing in when planet-shattering force was required.  But there was _more_ there. ****  
** **

"Too many. Hlorride. Einride." ****  
** **

"I didn't know that. There's a lot I don't know about you.” Tony would have to look those up. ****  
** **

Thor shrugged. "People like to name things." ****  
** **

"Yeah. Precision is good."  And acquired names usually had a lot more accuracy than ones given before the personality had time to emerge. ****  
** **

"Which is why I like to stick to just one." ****  
** **

"Noted." One wasn't enough to quite get Tony. Nor, he was sure, Loki.  Hveðrungr was just scratching the surface. ****  
** **

"Let's go build some homes." ****  
** **

Tony capped his full travel mug - he’d need that - and summoned his suit. "This way."

****

* * *

****

Loki stalked silently behind Tony's boy. It always felt off, leaving Thor with one of the _Avengers_ and not him. It hadn't ended well for him in the past.

"This way." Stuart didn't look behind him at the tall redhead - whose name probably wasn't Hveðrungr - but that didn't mean he didn't want to. As they approached the car, he stole a glance in the mirror. _Yeah_. He knew that guy from somewhere...

Loki slid into the back of the vehicle, tightlipped despite the luxurious seating area. Left to the care of a _boy_. It was humiliating.  If he were even shaving, he surely started days ago.

Nervous as he always was when someone else was paying careful attention to his driving, Stuart very nearly forgot to indicate when exiting the garage. The guy in the backseat was as tall as Thor, obscuring parts of the rear window. _Focus. Traffic doesn't care if some creepy hot dude is staring at you._

Well, he should at least have a little fun with the situation.  "Do you do _everything_ for Tony?" Loki asked, suggestively.

"What's that, sir?"

The boy was either naive - or more subtle than Loki gave him credit for.  Loki would test that, a bit. “Do you just drive and fetch his coffee, or do you suck his prick?"

Oh, so that was how it was going to be. Stuart was almost disappointed. He'd met guys like this. "Actually, I do some work for him on a project I helped develop."

"Pity. He needs that."

Stuart let that go, true as it probably was. This asshole didn't need to know that, though.

No answers. "Not attractive enough for you?" The boy had high standards.  Tony seemed desirable enough, for a Midgardian - for his status, if not his appearance?  Then again, this boy was exceptionally beautiful, though young. He might even tempt an Asgardian.

"You know what I do for Mr. Stark, sir? I make sure his guests are comfortable, and I make sure he's comfortable. And what I find is, those two don't always match. But that's kind of my job too, to find that balance."

"Tell me, then, about some of these conflicts you've had to navigate." Loki watched the other metal chariots go by.

"Speaking in the hypothetical?"

"Only if you don't have the actual."

"Sometimes people ask me questions that I cannot politely answer. But I can't not answer either. So I have to sort of come at it from an angle."

"Politeness,” Loki’s lip twitched with amusement.  “How quaint, in one so young."

"I'm old enough for the important things, sir."

"Tell me of more things you deem important."  Despite his glowering mood, his separation from Thor just one of the reasons for it - Loki was enjoying this boy.

"Listen..." New York traffic was not what it once was, but this time of day you still got stuck on the busier streets. Stuart looked back, a little curiously. "How about this? I ask you something, you ask me something in return. I promise I'll be as honest as I can about it."

"A game." Loki leaned forward, grinning.  Yes, he was actually enjoying himself. The idea of a game delighted him in his very marrow.  "I approve. It ends when one of us is unwilling to answer."

"All right." Stuart looked out the window with a sigh. "Looks like we have some time. I'll go first: You can change the way you look, right? I mean, how your face and body looks. Like an illusion?"

"Yes, I can change the way I look via illusion, a trick of light." That  was only one of the ways Loki could change his appearance, but he answered the question strictly as asked. Loki shifted towards the center of the car, to catch Stuart's dark eyes. "Are you in love with Tony Stark, or merely sexually attracted?"

Stuart laughed. "That's an easy one. I don't know. Like you said, I'm young."

Loki examined his nails. "A bit of an evasion, but I'll count it as an answer.” He had not denied either, after all.  “Your turn."

"Can you change other people like that?"

"I can change the appearance of other people if I so desire.  Do you typically find older men appealing?" Loki segued into the question quickly, hoping it would make the boy answer equally quickly.

"It's not an age thing," Stuart said, before he could help himself. Traffic was easing up again, and his attention was shifting. Dammit. He had to be more careful.

"Well. Two for one, there,” Loki noted, delighted.  “Your turn."

"Nah, I'm good."

"Well, that's boring." Loki leaned back, disappointed.

They were getting close to the site. Really, it was now or never. "All right. One more."

"One more round," Loki agreed, sitting up again.

"If I asked you to, would you change me?"

"That depends." Loki leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. "To what, and why?"

"So I look, you know," he shrugged nervously, "older."

"It won't be permanent," Loki noted.  "It would only be while I was around." He could make an illusion more durable, with work, but not for this boy. Still, what was he looking to achieve? This was interesting.

"Like, how close?"

The less he thought about it, the more readily the answer came.  "Line of sight to establish the illusion. It will keep without my direct attention for an hour or so."

Stuart nodded. That might be enough. "So would you do it?"

"I still don't know when and why."  Such details were critical.

"I want to look more mature. Like you said, I look young. I think Mr. Stark doesn't realize I'm not a kid, because I look like one."

Oh. Now this had possibilities. Some amazing possibilities for mischief, and all he had to do was exactly what he had been asked. "Yes. I will."

Stuart's eyes grew wide. "Really?"

"Yes, really. I will. And now it's my turn." It was a guess, but not a bad one. "If Stark were willing to take your virginity, would that be your preference?"

“Uh..." Stuart's throat shut down. Tony... how did this guy... "Oh shit!" A car zoomed across the road in front of him, honking furiously.

"Was that a yes?" Obviously so, but Loki wanted to make him say it.

"I'm gonna have to get back to you on that one." Tony would do far less interesting things to him if he totalled the car.

****

* * *

****

Tony sipped from his coffee while tidying up the last weld, hovering in the air, helmet stowed. "Having you hold these up is like a cheat code," he yelled down to Thor. The other two had only just now made it to the construction site, the drone informed him. Odd, that, Stuart was usually quick in traffic.

"A what?"

"A..." Tony sighed. "You make things a lot easier." He flew to the next beam. Stuart. Smooth cheeks under his hands, a warm, delicious mouth... He forced himself to focus on the welding. He probably had given the kid a complex, damn it all.

"I am glad to be of help." Tony seemed distracted. To be fair, so was Thor, quite probably by similar thoughts.

"Yeah, well, relax now - we're almost done with this one." Focus on the weld pool.  This needed to last a long time; lives depended on him doing it right.

Relax. Well. He was not exactly straining himself. Thoughts of Loki intruded now and then, like a swarming horsefly. Once or twice he found himself checking to see if there was an insect, black-green-blue and biting, hovering nearby.

Tony absently checked back in with his drone. Loki had apparently made his peace with the site supervisor, and the crew was merrily smashing away, letting him deal with the debris.  Good enough. He tidied up the weld and flew back down to join Thor. "We're going to run out of work." This work, at least.

Good. Well, for the city. For its people. Thor found he needed something with which to occupy his hands. They were twitching now, much as his eyes scanned the area. Belatedly, he nodded.

"And it helps with our image. It was getting pretty bad, there." Tony finished off his coffee with a sigh.

"I know I keep saying it, but we are here to help."

"I know. But not everybody does." He checked the drone again. Loki was catching and bundling dust and debris, but Stuart stood beside him, very close, watching with interest, talking in the man's ear... "Want to go say hi to your brother?"

"Yes." Embarrassingly quick, that reaction. Like part of him still felt him dead.

"Cool." Did Thor not trust Loki either? Or was he hoping to pull him aside for a quickie? Either way, they both wanted to be at the other site.  Tony capped his empty mug, manifested his helmet, and shot into the sky.

A little startled by his own reaction, Thor let the lightning send him after.

They were not far, and in a flying suit, there was no traffic. Tony flew in a tight parabola, landing gently behind Stuart and Loki. He tried to eavesdrop, but the noise of the destruction was too great. "Hey, kids."

"I'm over a thousand years older than you," Loki noted, not taking his attention from his work.  He had noticed Stark’s little metal spy, and had called Stuart over to talk. It had not taken Stark long to respond.  Interesting.

"Hey Mr. Stark."

Loki was striking. And somehow, more himself than since-

"What were you gossiping about?" Tony feigned casualness.

"You." Loki caught a piece of wall with a conjured wind.  The truth was delightfully provocative, so he went with it.

Oh dear. Thor knew that look. That stance. And he should be focused on the why and how of it, rather than what it was making him feel right now.

"It's loud here, sir."

"Yeah, walls falling down makes some noise. Sure you want to stand that close?" Tony found himself hovering.  He wasn’t the kid’s dad. Or his boyfriend. But he was jealously possessive anyway.

"He is perfectly safe." Loki wasn't incompetent.

"I'm OK."

Was Loki’s seiðr more sure, his movements smoother? It seemed so, to Thor. Why did it _matter_ , so much?

An uncomfortable pause in the conversation.  Loki felt eyes on his back, and let the pause linger for a moment, enjoying the attention.  "So you came here to watch me work?"

"Well, we're done," Tony replied. "Wanted to see if you needed help."  It was even partly true.

"Smash faster. I'm not limiting." Loki watched impatiently as the workers debated where to place the next set of charges.

Yes, he was quicker. And in entirely too raucous a mood. Thor sidled closer.

Loki flicked his eyes over to Thor.  Something about the man looked just a little less strained. "A good morning's work, brother?" He captured a teetering wall and made a puff of dust form a raven before compressing it. Showing off was fun.

Thor grinned at it, patting Loki on the arm when he got close enough. "You're in good spirits, brother."

"Well, why not? I am getting praised for destruction," he quipped. "And have lovely company," he added, just to irritate Tony.

"Don't get used to that." Tony noted, darkly.  The praise or the company.

"What have you been filling that poor boy's head with?"

“He's been filling _my_ head with ideas," Loki protested.  Some very interesting ones indeed. Midgardians matured in mischief as rapidly as in all other things, it seemed.

"Somehow," Tony noted, "that's worse."

Loki sighed. This was taking too long. And such a waste of his powers - old ones, ones he could remember, now, from when the Midgardians offered them sacrifices, looked to them as gods.  "Tell your workers to stand back."

Tony frowned and looked to Thor, who grinned.

"It's all right. He's been doing this for centuries. Though," Thor admitted, his smile faltering, "not too recently."

Tony waved over the site manager.  She frowned at him, then swallowed her irritation at the interruption and walked over. "Take a coffee break?” he asked her.  “Maybe not so close to the building?"

Loki watched impatiently as the wrecking crew slowly took themselves and their machinery away. Finally, _finally_ he could do something _fun_. He felt the air molecules, murmured some words of seiðr to make them heed him, and crumpled his hands. They forced the building inwards.  He pressed his hand down, and it smashed to the ground, pulverized.

"Well, that was quick," Tony noted.  This was power of both a magnitude and a nature that Loki had not evidenced before, during the invasion.  It _did_ fit with what Thor had said, didn’t it.  It was a development that… he’d have to think hard about.

Pride and awe mixed with nostalgia, sending Thor back to a more familiar place. He watched Loki smiling, and all of a sudden recognized the man he was and had been. What had been lost to him. His eyes widened as he smiled.

Loki stepped back at the look in Thor's eyes. Different, intense - yet oddly familiar. Almost... remembered. Like he wanted something only Loki could give - and Loki _could_ give it.  "What?"

"You seem your old self today." He touched Loki's hand. "I have missed that."

Loki grasped Thor's hand. "You liked my old self?" They had played and joked together, hadn’t they?  So long ago. Thor had teased him perhaps too much, but Loki gave him good reason?

"Loved. Love still."

"That's good." Loki shifted uncomfortably. He didn't know what to do with this degree of overt affection - especially in public.

"Yeah, that's really sweet,” Tony sighed.  Thor had gotten his true love. Was it more about _him_ being deserving?  If Tony had been a better man, would Pepper have come back?  He didn’t believe in that shit. But it seemed to be reality anyway, sometimes.  “Well, that was my mornings' work done in two hours. You guys can rest, or we can try to knock out the afternoon stuff before lunch."

"I have no need for rest."

"I am fine," Loki agreed.

"Good.  Stuart, head back home. Relax, work on your project if you want. We'll be back in the afternoon."  Enough exposure to Loki for one lifetime.

"All right, Mr. Stark. Thank you!"

Tony held out his arm. Loki sighed and stepped close. "If you'd just let me change..."

"Nope." Even if they could ensure that no other New Yorkers would see it, it was too dangerous to just make a habit, something to reach for, only for convenience.

"He could trick you if he wanted to. He chooses not to." Thor grinned. To Loki, he winked.

"For now." Tony took Loki by the waist, preparing to take flight.

Loki gave him a long look in his dark eyes, contemplating mischief. "Which form would you _prefer_ me to take?" he asked Tony.

They shot into the air.

****

* * *

****

"That's a very... novel way of doing capacitors," Tony said thoughtfully, turning it in his hand under the mini microscope.

"You don't like it." Stuart deflated. "I know it's not how you're supposed to do it, but I just figured, the way everything’s stretched thin right now, something like this would make sense. I'll rework it."

Tony pulled it away from the boy’s grasping fingers. "Yeah, I don't like it - I don't like that _you_ came up with it instead of me. It's deceptively simple, but massively scaleable. Up and down." Maybe even down to nano. And up to the full-size arc reactor in this building. Gifted kid. "Crazy ingenious."

Stuart blushed. He had to concentrate to keep eye contact. "Thank you, sir. Seriously. I worked real hard on this."

"It's fantastic. I'm going to tweak it a little bit, but your name is going on the patent.  Seriously, you did this in your spare time?" Stuart had seemed smart from the get-go, but Tony was starting to realize he really was something special.

"Yeah, yes. I mean, I had the idea for a while, but I could never really get going anywhere with it until I had this lab. Uh, access to the lab, I mean."

"Jesus, that's depressing. All of that stuff in your brain," Tony rubbed his head affectionately, "and nowhere for it to go. That isn't right. You have a place here for it."

Stuart just stared. His mouth wasn't working. "Thank you, sir. You don't know what it means for me to hear that."

"Yeah.  And..." Tony sighed, looking away. "What I did last night was inappropriate. Totally. Your should never feel like you have to do anything like that to stay here, okay? You're here on your own merits." He fiddled with the capacitor.

"No, I wanted to do it. It wasn't anything like that." Did Tony really think he was doing it to... _Oh God_. He really needed help. There was no way Tony would ever take him seriously!

"I know." Tony was probably the first person to ever take Stuart seriously, treat him like a _person_ . It wasn't right. It chafed at Tony’s sense of _decency_.  "I just need to make that clear, okay?" Stuart needed to meet more people his own age who treated him like that.

"I appreciate you looking out for me though, Mr. Stark."

"It's my job." Tony clapped his hand on Stuart's arm, not looking at him. He did, however, see... "Hey, those signs that said Restricted Area? I meant _you_."

Loki shrugged. "I've been trapped in a filthy spaceship for some time. I desire some exercise, a change of scenery."

"We'll work on it, but this is my lab. Vamanos." Tony waved Loki away.

Stuart looked at Loki with pleading eyes.

Well. Right now? Loki couldn't change it too much without Tony noticing, but he could do a little. Cheeks a little leaner, a gentle crinkle around the eyes, stubble a little harsher. He nodded at the boy. "We will meet later, then. I will entertain, if you wish." He grinned and walked out.

Was that it? Had he done it? Stuart didn't feel any different…

Tony rubbed his eyes. Stuart looked different. Or did he? Had Tony just been seeing him as the child he assumed he was? No, Stuart was a young man, and looked it. "Hey, look. Take the night off. I _strongly_ recommend you go hang out with guys your age, but if old men and weird aliens are your thing, you're welcome to have drinks with us."

"I'd like that, Mr. Stark. To join you, I mean." Assuming he wasn’t just being polite, but hell, Stuart wouldn’t get that many chances to do this.

“Well, let's do that then." And Tony couldn't feel as bad about it as he should. He yawned. "Coffee?"

Stuart smiled, gratefully. "I'd like that too."

"Good." Tony stood and put the capacitor carefully in a storage box. "Let's get some, then." He headed for the break room.

****

* * *

****

"I enjoy reading as much as anyone," Loki sighed, breezing into the room he shared with Thor, "but I can't believe you're not as restless as I am. We were on the same ship."

"I've had my share of open spaces for a while." And people, come to that. For the next little while, at least.

"Mmm." Loki stretched out on the bed next to Thor, letting his Midgardian illusion dissolve. "My mind is opening. It's making me restless."

Thor put his book down, smiling down at him. "Anything I can do?"

Loki turned onto his back, staring at the ceiling. "Nothing I can think of." The potential mischief he was breeding with Stuart and Tony could be interesting, at least. Midgardian sexual tension was always fun.

Thor chuckled. "Honestly, you're like a small, fluffy pet, sometimes. You've seen cats?"

"Yes, of course I've seen cats, they were mother's favorite."  Thick-furred, sturdy beasts, silent stalkers and hunters. He understood them, deeply.

"So you remember, then." If he did, there would be no need to elaborate, beyond; "getting the cream."

Loki tried not to laugh.  He did indeed remember. A little snort escaped his lips as he unstrapped his boots. "I'm on an important mission for Queen Frigga," he said in falsetto.

"Mother's face, when they sent us to her!" Desperately trying for stern and regal while bursting with suppressed laughter.

Loki pulled his boots off and threw them in the corner, imitating Frigga's voice. "Thor, I expected better of you. Loki... you shouldn't have done that." He giggled.  It had not taken her long to give in to the natural tendencies of both of her sons.

"She couldn't even hide how proud she was of you!"

"I don't think she knew how much work I had been doing outside of our lessons."  Loki paused. A new memory, a sense of Frigga looking at him and finally _knowing_ him, via all his deeds… An avalanche of memories and emotions, threatening to drown him.

"Oh, she knew." Thor ran a hand over Loki’s hair. Still soft, despite that muck he used.

Loki sighed. "I studied seiðr she did not approve of. Including the binding spell."

"She worried." Confiding in Thor, knowing he would say nothing. Not understanding, perhaps, how that left him.

Loki looked up at Thor. "She told you?"  He thought she had kept it from everyone.  Certainly from Odin, to save Loki’s head.

"Yes." His smile faltered. "Sometimes. Well, no. Often."

"What else did she tell you?" Two very different forms of jealousy.  What she had shared only with Thor. What Thor had shared only with her.

"To take care of you." The very first thing he remembered her saying to him, at that.

Loki sat up. "She did not think me capable of taking care of myself?" He flopped back down again on the bed with a groan. "Actually, she had a point."

"That wasn't what she meant, and you know it." Thor lay down next to him. "Though actually... yes, probably that too."

"I only got run through because I was trying to help _you_ out, you know," Loki replied, defensively.  Yes, he remembered that, too. That memory that had only been a vague sense of _blood in his mouth_ and _Thor in danger_ , only a few days ago.  A lifetime ago.

“I know. You always did." Thor kissed the side of his head.

"Do you still want the bonding?" Loki put his arms behind his head. "It's unknown territory. But it will surely be more intense than the hair."  And the hair had been substantial.  The lock Thor had cut from him, entwined in his own blonde hair, giving him visions of Thor in his dreams... a sly Destroyer who sounded like Tony, a dark lake, a hunt for bright stones...

" _Of course_ I want it."

"We'll need a few things. That bowl. A silver dagger. And you'll need to learn the seiðr to make those marks I gave you. And a full moon wouldn't hurt."

"...I need to learn seiðr?" That sinking feeling from childhood he'd very nearly forgotten.

"Just that bit, I promise.  And a few other things, but they’re easier."

"You know how I am with seiðr. You're the one who had to deal with my leg after I messed up the shielding spell."

"I know. And you're going to put a mark on me with it." Loki gave Thor a pained look.  This would not go well for Loki.

“And you're going to let me," Thor said in wonder, realizing the absolutely truth of it in Loki's eyes.

"You've _got_ to promise not to set me on fire!" Loki pleaded.

"You're a frost giant. Would that even be possible?"

Loki's hand found Thor's cheek. "With you, yes."

Thor leaned over to kiss him, slowly letting his weight press Loki down, intertwining Loki's fingers with his own. Not an answer, and no promise, but Loki couldn't complain.  He kissed Thor back, opening his mouth wide, relishing the warm weight atop him.

****

* * *

****

"So," Tony snorted, sipping his coffee, "he came back and found his car, reassembled and running, in his dorm room!" He shook his head. “We had to hang his bed from the ceiling, of course, for it to fit at all, and it was tight.  You _have_ to go to college. You'd love it."

"Yeah." Great for those who could afford it. "I'd love to," Stuart said, managing not to sound too dryly amused.

"I know that sound. That's the 'college is fucking expensive' sound. For a brain like yours, there's always a way." His wrist buzzed with a reminder. "Shit, I have to change. Could you go get the Wonder Twins? I've got something going for dinner that I think even the skinny one will like."

"Sure, Mr. Stark." Stuart didn't even have time to get offended at the offhanded ignored privilege (why did it even bother him, come to that; he'd seen enough of it in school 'oh, you'll go far kid, just work hard enough') and had learned to tune it out; here was a challenge he wasn't quite sure he was up for. Still, it was Tony. Of course he'd do it. He'd do anything Tony said. He trotted off to the guest wing, trying not to think about the fact that Tony had not made a single move yet. Hveðrungr was full of shit.

 

* * *

 

"If we try to have sex," Loki mumbled into Thor's mouth, pressing up against him, "someone will interrupt us." It was a law of nature, it seemed.

"Who says we were going to-"

"Uh, Mr. Hveðrungr? Mr. Thor?"

Loki cocked an eyebrow up at Thor. "Well, not _now_."

"Would you like a challenge," Thor whispered, before continuing, loudly; "yes?"

“Always,” Loki said, quietly, eagerly.

"See if you can get me worked up enough to leave dinner." He grinned.

"Mr. Stark says you should come meet him now." Was that the proper way to say it? Well, they were aliens - _was_ there a proper way?

"Yes," Loki said to Thor, a quiet, intense agreement. "Yes," he called out loudly to the boy. A little presumptuous, that invitation.  The boy needed a few manners.

"All right." Stuart hovered by the door, uncertain. That was... that seemed to be it. He left.

"You should change," Loki told Thor. "You smell like burnt metal."

"And you don't like that?"

“Not at dinner." Loki smiled.  It was a fine smell in a pitched battle, yes.  It fit him.

"Fine." Thor rolled out of bed and pretended to abhor rifling through his closet, which seemed to have manifested more items while they were away.

Loki rolled out of bed and walked over to the closet.  "We have leather trousers for you, now. Tony was very attentive to your arse," he noted.

Thor glanced over his shoulder. "I'm not sure that makes me want to wear them..."

Loki grinned. "You'd look good in them." Not that he didn’t look good in everything.  And better yet _out_ of everything.  But clothing gave his attractiveness distinct flavors; Loki wanted to sample them all. And, of course, it would give Loki twice the pleasure to both see him in them and watch Tony squirm.

"You win." Thor pulled a pair down.

"Tony is not interested in you." Loki clarified to Thor.  He wouldn't be so sanguine if the man were. "Not _seriously_. He's just being a good host. He yearns for his young ward."

"Ah. So that was what you two were conspiring about." At least Loki was making friends.

"Yes. Tony does not think it right to have sex with the boy, because he's an idiot." Loki shrugged.

"What's his objection?" These trousers fit well. Though not, Thor noted with absurd satisfaction, as well as the ones Loki altered for him.

"That he's too young." Loki shook his head, bemused. "They measure their lives in decades!" Why concern yourself with such small gaps, in the grand scheme of things?  The boy was cognizant of his own wants.

"I know. It's hard not to think of them all as children, when you consider that. So I try not to." A white shirt, this time. Open collared, flaring a little at the wrists.

"So yes. Ridiculous. I promised to help.”

Thor sighed. "Are you helping, or are you 'helping'?"

Loki spread his arms. "It's _me_."

"Right; forget I asked."

"The boy asked me to make him look older." Loki slid out of bed, pulling on his boots and changing his form to his new public face. "That's not going to be enough, of course."

"Who even knows. Midgardian relationships are weird."

"I will endeavour to push him in that direction," Loki decided.  It would be a fun way to test old, rusty skills. Not all influence was seiðr.

"Are you sure that's wise?" Thor gave him a look over his shoulder.

"Not in the least." But it would be enjoyable. Loki stretched. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I can be."

"I accept your challenge." Loki opened the door and gestured Thor through with mocking formality.

Thor laughed, bowing just as mockingly.


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey." Tony tugged at his cuffs. Yeah, he was a little over-dressed, but to hell with it, they had to find something to celebrate now and again. "They're coming?"

"Yes, sir." Stuart tried to look him more directly in the eye - maybe that would do it?

"Sit down, have some wine." Maybe drinking was a bad idea, but not drinking just didn’t seem doable tonight.  Tony turned to the sideboard and took two bottles, flipping them in his hands. "Red or white?"

"Red, if you would grant it."

"L... Mr H is rubbing off on you." Tony filled his glass a little too full.

In the doorway, Thor looked to his right, where Loki stood, making no move to enter. They’d been standing there for entirely too long, to his mind, observing this rather intimate moment. When Loki finally moved, he audibly exhaled, then immediately coughed to cover it.

Stuart swallowed. This was getting out of hand. Maybe.

Loki stared at the boy with interest as he settled into his chair. Young Stuart had a great deal of charm - but his appeal was not in appearing old or wise, as he was attempting to.  It was an awkward look on him, and not the charming awkwardness he would wield like Freja’s rapier. It was in his fresh-faced youth and naivitae. Loki had to advise him, or he would go about this all wrong. "Red," he told Tony, in response to the question. He preferred the coolness and flavor of white, but red looked more like Midgardian blood.

"...white?" Thor had not drunk wine for centuries.

_Don’t pretend to be me_ , Loki projected into Stuart's ear. _Just speak as yourself - but flirtatiously._

Stuart had never been so terrified in his life. And that included the time he'd walked into a robbery in the 7/11 next door to the pharmacy where his cousin worked.

"Well, we've had little enough to celebrate lately," Tony said, raising his glass, "so let's take it where we can. We razed a few things that needed razing, and raised a few things that needed raising."

"Hear, hear!"

Stuart raised his glass, muttering the same.

"To societally acceptable destruction," Loki agreed, taking a healthy draught.

"And to the guests I'm trying to talk into living here." Still.  Thor was Thor, and Loki was... complex. It would be better to have him close, where his brother was, where Tony could keep an eye on him.

"And our host, generous beyond measure." Thor inclined his head.

"See?” Tony gestured to Thor, speaking to Stuart.  “That's why I keep this one around. If you're not eight feet tall and blonde, you can't get away with talking like that."

Thor's brows hovered between frowning and surprise. He looked to Loki for guidance.

"Joke," Loki told him, exaggeratedly.

Thor beamed, not understanding.

Stuart could relate.

Tony fetched a set of salads from the sideboard, resigned to a very weird evening.  Previously, Thor had been balanced out by Nat and Rhodes, but now he was buttressed by Loki. "Bad habit of mine." He distributed them.  Bitter and toothsome.

When he could, Thor tried to discern what had been changed about the boy. He could not see it, not clearly, but perhaps there was something about the eyes?

Loki sampled the salad. Lively in flavor. But he was never one to eat much, unlike... "Did Thor ever tell you of the time he lost his hammer?"

Thor rolled his eyes. "Oh, not that old story."

Tony raised his hand. "I haven't heard it!"  Thank goodness, _some_ topic of conversation that wasn’t The Event, Thanos, or sex.

"Well." Loki sat back.  The story had the familiarity of one he had told often, over a long period of time.  He settled into a more formal speech pattern. "There is a mystery at the start of it - Thor never would tell me how he lost it. But lost it he did."

"Are you a gambling man, Stark?" Thor asked.

"Yes, you know that, why? Wait - you gambled Mjølnir away??" Tony almost dropped his fork.

"In... A manner of speaking. There was mead involved."

"You got drunk and lost Mjølnir." It was what Loki had guessed. "Well, all-seeing Heimdall," Loki let a drop of wine fall from his glass to the floor in remembrance, "knew who had it, and it was not one who would give it up easily."

"Wait." Tony waved his hand in protest. "Back up.  I couldn't _budge_ that hammer. None of us could.  We weren’t _worthy_ enough, apparently."  Except for Vision. Shuri hadn’t even let him see the body… Tony tried to push that thought away.  One too many.

"Neither could I." Loki frowned. "The one who had it was not bound in the way the rest of us are."

"I did not lose it!" Thor slammed his glass down, remembering at the last minute the fragility of both it an the table, ending the motion lamely. "It was stolen from me. Trym was a liar and a cheat."

"And so Heimdall decided to cheat him in turn," Loki transitioned doggedly, "in a scheme I'm very angry that _I_ didn't come up with."

"I had to tell father it was stolen. Which it was!"

Loki chuckled, _remembering_ what had happened - gods, what a luxury. "And at the heart of Heimdall's scheme? Trym's desire for a wife."

"As he put it," Thor grunted.

Stuart leaned in a little closer, trying to seem casual. What _was_ this story?

"Did I ever mention how beautiful Thor looks in a dress?" Loki asked, with a precisely calculated degree of blandness.

Tony choked on a carrot.

"I didn't mention it, because he doesn't." Loki waved his hand, and Thor sat in a white wedding dress, blonde wig, and veil. And a little too much makeup.  A bad parody of a woman.

"My hair was not like that!" Thor batted the horrible-looking ringlets away. "And this was not the dress." He couldn't help but grin. "But I expect they get the idea."

"Narrative license," Loki shrugged.

"That's amazing." Tony looked Thor up and down, from the excess rouge on his cheeks to the corset pressing his pectorals into a parody of breasts. "And I've been desperate enough to sleep with worse.”

"I can only assume Trym was not aware of the physiology of Aesir women. I did not shave."

"I told you to shave,” Loki chided.  “ _I_ did. I looked far prettier than you!"

"I don't remember that. And you have something on an unfair advantage!"

"Oh _really_ ," Loki said, icily. "How so? Be specific."  Was another comment on his _manliness_ \- or lack thereof - pending?

Tony snickered.  Finally, _Loki_ was off-balance, for once.

"I... uh... only meant that as a shape-shifter, you... are more adept at taking other forms." The illusion of the dress shifted around Thor, ruffling uneasily.

"I didn't shapeshift," Loki replied, tartly.

"You... Uh..." His face had looked so... Stunningly feminine.

Stuart didn't know where to look. He quickly finished his wine.

“Well, Trym preferred blondes." Loki shrugged, trying to push things back on track.  This conversation was changing direction in a way that _didn’t_ please him.

"How did you appear that way without..." Thor tried to gesture, awkwardly.

"Makeup," Loki replied to Thor.  He had some skill at that art; it was like illusion, in semi-liquid form.

"Show us," Tony grinned, enjoying this distraction far too much.  He hadn’t realized Thor was game for _that_ sort of thing.

Loki shrugged and, with illusion, added mascara, eyeliner, blush, and his actual black hair to his appearance.

Stuart pushed back in his chair. _Shit_. It was _him_.

"I would do you before him." Tony pointed at Thor.  Maybe Loki was objectively _far_ prettier, but he was also objectively the guy who had thrown him out of a window.

"I told you," Thor winked at Loki, "the beard works."

"I don't think either of us are your _type_ ," Loki noted, dissolving the illusion on his face and putting it back on his hair. Another opening for the boy - which the boy failed to take.  Loki’s jaw set in irritation. "Anyway, Trym thought _that_ was Odin’s greatest general, Freya most fair."

"He'd only seen her once. He was obsessed by her." Quite possible, Thor had always thought, because he so very nearly defeated her. Trym was the sort of man who might say, as an amusing aside at a party ‘oh, I like women who fight back’, not realizing that this implied you enjoyed forcing them in the first place. Freya was not one to be forced, but neither was she one to take part in ridiculous hammer rescue missions.

"And wanted to marry her. But seeing that," Loki pointed at Thor, "did not diminish his ardor. At least, not with a veil on."

Stuart kept looking over at Tony. He had to know, right? Who Hveðrungr really was? Or was he keeping them all under some sort of spell? That didn't seem right, either.

"When it came time for the wedding feast," Loki sighed, "Thor was _Thor_. Even though I warned him not to be."

"Who else was I supposed to be?"

"Someone who doesn't eat ten salmon and two cows in one sitting?" Loki asked, archly.

"I was hungry!"

"You're _always_ hungry. I had to dissemble on my feet, and make up a ridiculous excuse about Freya having fasted for nine days in anticipation of the wedding."

"Oh, that must have hurt, you hate lying," Tony said, blandly.

"I do other things, too!" Loki protested.

"If the beard didn't set him off, a little food and drink wouldn't either."

"So you're brothers," Stuart said. That... Well, it wasn't the strangest thing going on right now, but maybe it would shed some light on whatever WAS going on.

Thor glanced at Loki. "Adopted. Yes."

"Yes." Loki toyed with his fork.   _Adopted_.  Always that.  It never failed to sting, even out of his own mouth. " _Anyway_ , my dear _adopted_ brother had a little lightning in his eyes when the veil came up, but I placated Trym on that account, too."

"I was probably a little drunk by then, to be honest.”

"And angry. Don't forget angry.  Anyway, he put Mjølnir in your lap, finally, while making some comments about what _else_ he'd put in your lap later."

"I still don't know how he did that."

"You rendered it all rather moot when you killed everyone."  Loki timed his delivery to perfection, leaning back to let it fall.

"Everyone?" Tony dropped his fork.  Thor? A mass murderer? Again, though.  He was in no position to be surprised. Tony had killed… a _lot_ of people.

"Not everyone," Thor muttered.

Stuart's eyes bulged.

"Well, not _me_ ," Loki agreed.  “I was unique, however.”

"Not my finest hour. The dress was in tatters."

"And a little bloodstained. But you got your hammer back, and were apparently a prettier woman than I."  Really, was Tony blind? Or was he simply enamoured of Thor, in any form?

"I was barely five hundred years old." A child, really. And Loki even less. The way he had looked with his face done just-so…

"Oh, you youngsters," Tony laughed. Five hundred years old was _young_ to these guys. "But - and you won't believe it because I have old-man-neck now - I did a little crossdressing in college," didn't everyone? "and I bet I was prettier than Fabio here."

"That, I would like to see."

Stuart couldn't say he agreed. Tony looked good just being himself - that was _why_ he looked good. But he smiled, amicably.

"Okay, I think that makes you the judge, Stuart. Friday, can you pull up that picture of me in drag from college?" He tossed his phone on the table to project it. Oh, to be that young and fresh-faced again, he thought, mournfully.  That innocent. Before he had killed anyone.

Thor leaned forward, staring up at the projection. "Is that... you?"

" _Was_." Dark hair, rouge on the smooth cheeks, macara bringing out his eyes.

"Not bad," Loki admitted grudgingly.  From a professional standpoint. The smooth cheeks and big eyes had worked to his advantage.  Any trace of that baby fat was gone from his face, now.

Since when was Loki the expert? Thor didn't know what to do with this information. His body stirred. He was still in the Midgardian wedding dress illusion.

"So, Stuart," Loki asked, silkily, "Do you feel up to an adjudication?" He gestured to the projection with his right hand and Thor with his left.

"Uh." Stuart stared at a neutral point between the two. "You mean, between the two of you?"

"Well, three." _Come on_ , Loki encouraged him wordlessly. _Tell Tony you find him sexy. Sexier than a pair of gods._

The monster of New York, egging him on? Hell, he might be right though. "I think that's a pretty damn good job you did, sir. Though I'm not the best judge."

"I'll take it." Tony picked up his phone and poured Stuart more wine.

"Excellent taste." Loki held out his own glass for a refill.  At least the boy wasn’t going to miss _every_ fat young deer that trotted up to him on the hunt.

Thor held his own glass up.

Stuart exhaled, trying not to be too obvious about it.

Stuart found him _attractive_?  Well, when he was young. And in drag. He didn’t look like that anymore.  "Got any other stories of crossdressing and murder?" Tony asked Thor, for something to say.

"Either, perhaps. But not both."

"I think the crossdressing goes better with dinner than murder. At least in Midgard," Loki noted, letting the illusion on Thor dissolve.  That, he did not miss - the brawling feasts in Valhalla, heroes wrestling each other and killing pigs, throwing their bones into the fire, mead mixing with the animal fat in their beards.

"I've been thrown out of parties for talking about either one, actually," Tony noted.

"Cross dressing?" Thor frowned. "Really?"

"We're a little uptight. We're working on it. I might have gotten a _bit_ graphic." He might have been a _bit_ high.  He could usually keep it together just enough, but mushrooms made him both graphic and _mean_.

"Ah. Gender." Thor had never really gotten the hang of that one.

" _You're_ stuck with one," Loki noted to him. If Thor was going to wave 'flying' in his face, Loki was going to note his own advantages.

"And you're not?" Tony asked, rhetorically.

"No," Loki sniffed.

"Hence my surprise, earlier."

"My goal, brother, was to make _your_ disguise more believable, not my own," Loki noted.  Yes, he could have _been_ a woman, but that would have made the contrast with Thor even more obvious.

Tony's brain was starting to hurt. He collected the salad plates and put them into the robotic dumbwaiter for cleaning.

"All right," Thor waved a hand, "I know you're dying to show off." Dying.

Loki looked at him innocently.  "When have you ever known me to show off? Make a scene?"

"...ruin a sausage party?" Tony added.

Thor shook his head, grinning. Now there was a metaphor he could relate to. Food and sex. The good things in life.

Stuart's head was spinning. He held on to his glass, the only solid thing in the vicinity.

Loki closed his eyes. This took a little bit more effort than a simple illusion, and oddly, it was trickier than animal forms, with the differences so subtle.  The messages in the blood, the location of fat under the skin, the size and sensitivity of the nipples, the composition of the hair - yes, _there_.  She exhaled as all of the parts fell into place.  She kept the illusion of her hair - short and reddish-brown.

Tony cocked his head.  Damn, Loki looked like a beautiful woman. Tall, slender, sensual, those high cheekbones and pale blue eyes just stunning.  "I still think Thor looked better." He managed to make it sound sincere. He wasn’t.

Thor laughed, pounding the table. "So much for your efforts, brother!" Oh, but didn't she look delectable?

"That works," she replied to Thor, " _I'd_ rather he do you instead, too."

"Hey, I'm very good in bed!" Tony protested, jokingly.

If Stuart didn't take that bait, Loki decided, he would turn his dick into a fish.

"Well," Stuart said, heart in his throat, "I can't compete with that. I'm all man."

Well, Loki thought with resignation, at least he _tried_.

Tony smiled at him ruefully.  God, the kid was trying _so_ hard, it was almost painful to watch. If only he weren’t so naïve, so young. Still... the boy didn't look so much like a boy, did he?

"Now me," Thor ventured, feeling the mood change, "I've never been able to master the arts my brother commands so easily."

“No. Your talents lie elsewhere." Loki gave him a smoky look.  This body was different, yes, and the way it responded to Thor was… electrifying, for lack of a better word.

Thor buried his face in the wine glass.

Stuart tried to keep calm, secure eye contact with Tony.

Jesus, Loki as a woman re-defined the whole concept of fuck-me eyes.  And Tony wasn’t even in the direct line of fire. "Get a room," Tony said. "Oh, wait, I gave you a room!"

"And a new bed." Loki replied to Tony, but looked at Thor.

Was he blushing? Thor felt like he was blushing.

"Well, I tried to keep this conversation out of the gutter,” Tony sighed, giving up.  “But to be fair, you did break the _crap_ out of that bed. And then repaired it, I saw the seams. How did you do that?"

Loki raised her hand.

"Oh, yeah, magic. Speaking as someone whose company depends on engineering, that's _really annoying_." Tony waved at her.

"Another of my brother's many talents."

"Don't. Don't... describe." Tony held his hand out with a groan. Loki gave him one of those evil grins.

"While it may not seem so at the moment, we were raised in the royal courts of Asgard." Thor gave Loki a look that should have been more reprimanding and less sultry. At least he tried. "My apologies for the coarseness."

"Yes, raised in the royal courts.  With a father who had _one_ child with his wife," Loki noted.  And plenty with other women. Royalty was no barrier to crudeness, no matter how careful they were with language.

"Like I said," Thor retorted, smoothly, "royalty."

Loki laughed, then.

"After this conversation, we should skip dinner and go right to drinks," Tony replied, throwing his hands up.

Stuart wouldn't have minded.

"You've heard tell of my appetite, if breakfast didn't tip you off..." Thor noted.

"Let's compromise." Tony went to the sideboard and pulled out a few dishes. Quail for most of them, marinated to succulence in amaretto, and a whole stuffed chicken for Thor. "Let's have drinks at the same time."

"Not to repeat myself, but you are a most excellent host, Tony Stark."

"Yeah, food and booze. I've got it all."

Loki smelled the aroma of the bird. It was very tempting.

Thor tried not to look too pleased. It took some doing to tease that smile of anticipation to Loki's lips. She needed to eat.

Loki pulled a morsel of flesh from the bird. She put it in her mouth - rich, a perfect balance of gamey and sweet, falling apart in her mouth. Usually, she would keep a straight face, but there was a bet to be won. She moaned just loudly enough for Thor to hear, sucking on her finger.

Stuart was staring again. He was both glad and concerned to be on opposite sides of the table to Thor and Loki. On the one hand, he wasn't next to them. On the other, he had a front row view to whatever was going on.

Thor bit into his meal, trying not to give Loki too much of the attention she was demanding. It was difficult. He had not had a woman in decades, and Loki was Loki. Thor would have Loki if he were an abstract shade.

"What drinks do you want?" Tony poured himself a generous whiskey.

"Gin," Loki replied.  She had enjoyed that sharp, rich beverage.

Even knowing this was the same person as the man had been, it had an effect on Tony. Women who drank hard liquor were hot. It was a postulate that worked perfectly for him.

"Your whiskey was excellent, the last time I had the opportunity," Thor said.

"Um, gin would be great."

Loki was continuing to have an influence on Stuart, Tony noted.  He should be more careful about them spending time together. He poured a second set of gin and whiskey, passed them out, and tucked in. After everything, he was starving.

"My compliments to your chef," Loki noted.

"'S me," Tony said around a mouthful, raising his fork. He had taken previous failures to heart.  Learned to cook after… seeing how bad he was at it. It was all just chemistry and physics, after all.

"Impressive," Thor said, meaning it. He could barely feed himself, left to his own devices.

"Well, someone has to do it."  Especially these days, Tony mused.

Loki took a baby carrot, met Thor's eye, and slid it into her mouth. Thor blinked, she was pleased to see, fumbling with his cutlery.

Tony swallowed, took a drink, and followed it with a deep breath.  "So, I heard from the mayor today.” As he did most days, but it was a less shitty call than usual.  “He likes the job you guys are doing. It's genuinely helpful - aaaand it gives good photo ops. So he wants to do another photo op this coming Sunday. The Pride Parade.  It'd be more apropos than he thinks, really."

"Pride?" Some sort of community gathering, no doubt. Thor enjoyed them in any realm. A good opportunity.

Stuart tried not to smile too eagerly. There was no way he would be part of it, but Pride! He'd never been. Always worried the wrong people would see him and get back at him in school, or later, worse, make trouble for him at work.

"Yeah," Tony replied.  "It'd just be you - we obviously can't make too much of him... her... our good friend Hr..." Loki shrugged, so Tony barged on, "but you'd be really popular, Thor."

"I see." Should he ask?

"You ever been to Pride, sir?" Stuart asked Thor.

"Myself? No, I've never had the pleasure."

"It's a hell of a party," Tony noted.

Loki nodded. A party, where Thor would be feted.  She would attend in one form or another, invited or not. She ran a finger slowly up Thor's thigh, under the table.

"Ah, a celebration!" Thor's smile did a little twitching dance at Loki's touch.

"You..." was this a rude question? "Begging your pardon sir, but do you know what Pride is?"

"Oh." Tony poked at his food. "I assumed." And Stuart didn't. Once again - smart. In a lot of ways.

"No," Thor said, pleasantly.

Tony noted that smile of Thor’s - a smile of just the lips, like he didn’t want to go to the effort of asking any more questions.  

"Oh. Well, it is a celebration, as you say. Of..." These were aliens. Just how much detail did he have to get into for them to get the picture? "Alternate sexuality and gender. You know, lesbian, gay, transgender..." He might not know, at that. Stuart looked at the woman next to Thor and suddenly found it very hard not to laugh.

Tony sat back. "Yeah, we've been pretty bad in the past about treating people like that as humans, so we needed a parade." _People like that_. You just kissed a boy last night, Tony.  You’re _like that_.  To some extent. You can hardly just pretend Steve is some sort of _exception_. 

"Interesting." Loki looked at Tony with her chin on her knuckle, but under the table, her fingers brushed the bulge, full of potential, between Thor's legs.

Thor leaned back, spreading his legs a little wider. _Alternate_ sexuality? As opposed to what? Thor just nodded and smiled, having found this the best approach Midgardian cultural norms that baffled him.

"It's a pretty big deal around here," Stuart said.

"Yeah, like he said, it's a big deal to be a guest of honor.  And a nice turn-around for our image," Tony noted, poking at the bird, his appetite gone again.

Loki traced the curve of Thor's firm shaft.

Thor bit his lip, still smiling. "An excellent opportunity," he managed.

Thor didn't look happy about it. Was he... not comfortable with gays? But he was having sex with his brother! Sister! Adopted.  Fuck it. Tony downed his drink. "It's a big parade, pretty epic. You'll be in a car behind the Mayor."

"Excellent." Loki pulled another morsel of flesh from the bird. "Almost as excellent as your cooking, Tony." She ate it slowly.

As the pressure on his crotch relaxed, so did Thor. He gleefully returned to his meal, raising a glass to Tony. "I'll drink to that. And eat!"

"Fuck it, we're celebrating." Tony refilled their glasses. The whiskey was starting to _work_.

"There is no force in the Nine Realms that would keep you from eating," Loki sighed at Thor.

"Very nearly," Thor challenged her, with a sideways grin.

"Mmm." She sucked the grease off of her finger slowly, deliberately, as if it were Thor’s prick.

Was Tony seeing this? Stuart tried to look at him without being too obvious. He had to be seeing this. Hell, if he wasn't, Stuart had to up his game more than a little to get his attention. He looked at his plate, a little miserably. He wasn't really a finger-licking, seductively carrot-eating kind of guy.

Tony looked at Loki with some wistfulness. That was the sort of thing you pulled after you had been fucking a while - the mutual titillation.  He and Pepper used to do that, outrageously, and he really didn't want to think about her right now. He turned to Stuart. "I came up with a nano scale for that capacitor you designed. I'm going to test it out in the suit tomorrow."

"Oh!" Stuart started, nearly dropping his fork. "That's great." He blushed. Actually blushed.

"Yeah, this guy is wicked smart," Tony told the others.

"Wicked?" Loki asked, perking up at the word.

"That's how old guys say 'very,'" Tony clarified.

"Oh," Loki replied, deflated.

"Your apprentice." It was worse even than Loki had made it out to be. Even Thor could see how much the boy was pining. "You are lucky to have him."

"Yeah, I know." What would Thor think if he knew Tony had kissed the boy?  Well, picking Tony up and throwing him seemed to be the reaction of choice for that family.

"And will you be at this parade, young Stuart?"

"Me? Yeah... I mean, unless Mr. Stark needs me for something else."

"No!  I'll just be sitting around with my thumb up my butt, waving. You should definitely go."  And meet some pretty gay boys your own age. That would make him forget about Tony.

_Thumb up my butt._ It was a saying, Loki could tell, and she loved it.  She grinned, filing it away for future use.

Just seeing Loki enjoy herself was enough to make Thor want her. And there was far more incentive, now. He pulled an arm around her waist, drawing her closer to. "And anyone may join?"

Loki caressed the side of Thor’s buttock that she could reach around the chair.

"Yeah - you can either spectate, or join a contingent."  Tony looked over at Stuart. "There's a gay engineers group."  Stuart would be the best-looking one in it. By far.

"Really? I didn't know that!" That would be fun, even if Tony wouldn't be joining.

"I look forward to it greatly," Thor deicded.

"Yeah, I'll hook you up with the organizer. He used to work for me."  He wouldn’t even have to call in any favors to get someone _that_ sexy into the contingent, last-minute or no.

In the state he was in, it took Stuart a little too long to realize that Tony hadn't meant 'hook up' like _that_. He grinned. "Honestly, Mr. Stark, you're too good to me." He met Tony's eyes, daring to lean just a little closer.

Tony squeezed Stuart’s hand, then grabbed his fork and poked at his food.  Yeah, he was a little too drunk. He should stop.

Loki took a drink, then met Thor's eyes and slowly licked her lips.  She wasn’t ready to give up on the challenge, after all.

Any more of that and Thor might take Loki right here on the table. He squeezed her side, splaying fingers over her hip.

Loki gave herself about 50/50 for winning the bet. After all, Thor hadn't finished his food. She moved his hand closer to her crotch.

"I'm going to go see Rhody tomorrow," Tony noted. "You guys can sight-see around the city.  Stuart can be your tour guide, if he doesn't have anything better to do."

"Would that please you," Thor asked softly, turning to Loki as he pressed his hand hard against her sex through her trousers.

Loki flashed another grin at Stuart, then turned it to Thor.  "It would please me greatly." She pressed gently against his hand.

"Done.  If they give you any shit, call me," Tony told Stuart.

Thor would have his fingers in her. Now. He pressed them under her as he exhaled with difficulty, trying to keep his eyes and a polite smile on the conversation at large.

The meal would be over soon if Thor's expression was anything to go by. Stuart had to do something now, or this whole thing would be wasted. "This is absolutely delicious. I wish you would teach me how to cook, too." He tried to make it a joke.

"Yeah, totally, if you want.  I was forty-some by the time I found out they actually just write this shit down in books.  Then you can fiddle with it and make it your own. You're good at fiddling with things and making them your own."  Definitely too drunk.

"It's delicious," Loki agreed.  "I'm just full," she added, so the quarter-eaten plate would not belie her words.

"You should eat more," Thor muttered. "Your brain needs to be fed as much as your body. And I value them both."

"I haven't found a thing I couldn't improve when I put my hands on it yet." The attention, and the drink, truth be told, made Stuart bolder.

"That's a pretty bold statement." Tony grinned at the intern.  He liked that. He liked this less-deferential side of Stuart.

Loki glared at Thor. She wasn't hungry for _food_!  But she resentfully tore off another strip.

She was actually eating. Thor rubbed his fingers against her, impotently. Not a chance she would feel that.

"I'm not arrogant, sir, but I know what I'm good at." He kept eye contact, heart hammering.

"You'll have to tell me more." Maybe... maybe Tony shouldn't assume. Stuart wasn't a child, he was old enough to drink, and more than old enough to fuck, even if he waited for the age of maturity, unlike _some_ people - maybe he was _very_ sexually experienced?

Loki put a morsel of cooked spinach to Thor's lips.

"We can talk later, if you want?" Thor's... whatever she was had licked her lips. Stuart tried the same.

Thor snapped the piece up, complete with the tips of Loki's fingers, grazing teeth along them.

Loki let her arousal at the sting be written on her face.

"Sure." They should... talk, Tony agreed.  Real talk. About what they were doing, what they were thinking.  It was important to do, and important to do when he wasn’t drunk and when a pair of aliens weren’t playing fuck-me with food at the same table.

"I'm..." this was it. No more. Loki would win, as always. Hel, as intended. "We should retire."

“Sure. Want one for the road?" Tony asked.  Not that it would make them drunk, but booze and sex was a fun mix.

"Why not?" Thor had half-way risen, settling back down again.

Tony refilled their glasses. "Take 'em if you want."

Thor drank his down in one. It did not do much, but he enjoyed the burn, and the slight edge to his senses.

"Well, then." Loki drained hers.  "Let's go."

Yes, Tony decided. Hard drinking women were hot. Even if they were also men. Who destroyed his city while under mind control, apparently.  This was all very confusing.

"My thanks for an excellent evening." Thor clapped Tony on the back as they passed.

Tony shot forward, catching himself on the edge of the table with a gasp.

Stuart leaned back, half a second from scrambling out of his chair, eyes wide.

"Sorry!" Thor yelped in alarm. He had barely touched the man.

"Just... dial back the camaraderie when I'm not in my suit," Tony gasped, pushing back from the table.

Loki hid a giggle.  Soft little creatures.  They were almost adorable, really.

"I... forgot. Sorry." He almost clapped Tony's back again, but stepped back, raising his hand.

"He forgets how fragile Midgardians are," Loki noted, dragging Thor away.  Enough, enough of these silly weak creatures! She needed him.

"I used to bed one," Thor mumbled, before he could stop himself. Maybe the drink wasn't working on him, but Loki was.

Loki yanked on his arm with irritation, her lip set in a hard line. _Not the time_.

"May I ask you something?" Stuart phrased himself carefully. He didn't think he could deal with an 'I don't know, can you' joke right now.

"You may ask me anything you want,” Tony told him.  “I can't guarantee an answer until I know what it is."

Stuart waited until Thor had left the room, watching patiently as he was pulled away by... no, actually, he'd rather not define her. Whatever. "You think she's attractive? Thor's... uh..."

"Uh."  Yeah. Tony scratched his head.  "I mean, she's pretty and she drinks liquor straight, that's attractive, in a way." From a pure dick-interest standpoint.  "But she's _not_ my type.  To really find someone attractive, I have to like their mind, and her mind is a little..." Tony spun his finger next to his ear.

Stuart nodded, carefully. "So what is your type? If you don't mind me asking?"

"Smart."  Absolute requirement.  "Resilient enough to deal with, well, _me_.  Optimistic enough to balance out my cynicism."  Pepper. Only, even _she_ had been starting to get tired of his shit…

"I like smart people too. And, you know, I think I'd do well with someone who could kick my ass into gear now and then. I can be a little hesitant." He tried for a meaningful look.

"I know." Tony played with his glass. "And I think I get the feeling for what you’re saying right now, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want the same thing. But... I'm your boss. That's weird, you know?" _You slept with Pepper when you were her boss_.

Stuart shrugged. "I wouldn't know. A lot of things are strange these days."

"Come here." Tony was only human. And he was drunk. And Stuart would find someone more appropriate at the parade.  And he was _really_ good at rationalizing.

Not breathing, Stuart did. His eyes were wider than the first time he tried putting his contacts in.

Tony pulled the boy into his lap and pressed their lips together.

He was so hard he didn't know how to sit. He'd come from any little contact. Stuart made a soft little whimper, trying to follow what Tony was doing with his mouth.

Well, Stuart was squirming and hard, so that at least meant he... wanted this?  Tony kissed him slowly, deliberately, sliding his tongue into the boy's mouth without rushing.  Savoring. Giving the kid a chance to push him away.

Oh, that was good. Just... mind-blowingly exciting. But someone experienced wouldn't flail and rush into things, right? Stuart forced himself to go slow.

Tony pulled back, running his hands up and down Stuart's strong arms. "What do you like?" No matter what it was, Tony was fairly confident that he had tried some variant of it. Straights who complained about gays being immoral due to their _deviant sexual behavior_ were not reaching their full potential in the bedroom. Or the office. Or the elevator. Or the movie theater. Or the helicopter…

"I..." Shit! He hadn't prepared for that! "I'm easy," he tried, slipping a little closer and hoping to distract Tony with his - oh God, that was Tony's cock. Right up against him.

Motherfuck.  Well, if he had wanted to undo Tony completely, that was the way to do it.  Easy. A boy this good shouldn't be _easy_.  But... no more buts, only pushing Stuart off of his lap, falling to his knees, tearing the boy's jeans open, and swallowing his rather sizeable cock whole.  He had deep-throated a dildo or two for a kinky girlfriend or three, and this was - well, way better.

Holy hell! Stuart gasped, shuddering, unbalanced and a little frightened in Tony's strong grip. Be suave, he tried to tell himself, but all the could do was try not to fall down.

Delicious.  Crave-worthy.  Sexual, sensual, everything Tony liked.  He pulled back slightly, looking up at Stuart, then dove back in again.

Much too much! If the shock hadn't given him performance anxiety, he would have come already. In Tony's mouth. Shit. _Fuck_. Stuart gasped, coming anyway.

A rush of come, sour and thick, and thankfully Tony was too turned on to worry about what it meant that Stuart had come so quickly.  He swallowed it, sucking and licking eagerly at Stuart's cock, unfastening his own formal black slacks. Well, his fault for wanting to make this a dress-up occasion.

"S... Sorry." He couldn't think. Which way was up? Wait, what was Tony doing?

"It's fine," Tony said, quickly, standing up and kissing Stuart as he started to stroke.  There was just enough precome to... well, no, he was going to chafe the poor guy, but hell with it, he needed to come.  He stroked himself hard and fast.

Oh... OK, that was hot. Hot as hell. Stuart kissed him a little too desperately, trying to look down.

Close, so close, but a little drunk.... Tony grabbed Stuart's cheek tightly, his whole body tense, kissing hard, stroking hard, until, finally, dammit, yes, he was _coming_.

"Tony..." He was going to be dreaming about this for a while. Stuart stared at him in awe.

"Fuck," Tony gasped, stroking through it.

Stuart stood very still, a little amazed that he hadn't messed that up.

"Stuart." Tony kissed him on the lips.

Stuart wrapped his arms around him, clinging to him.

“You okay?” Tony asked.  The boy felt tense. _Boy. Shit._

“Y... yeah." Was he? How could you tell?

"We can shower? If you want." The kid felt… _so_ tense.

"Sure. Yeah." He smiled, as confidently as he dared. _Jesus, seeing Tony naked._ All of this was like one big roller coaster of a ride. You just had to be real careful not to hurl.

"I..." Tony hugged him. "I liked that." He fastened his pants with one hand. He was a little too practiced at that... "Come on, then."

* * *

Loki tugged Thor down the corridor. "You never said what I'd win if I... won."

"Name your prize then." Thor followed, gleefully. He had been with women far more than men, and the thought of what he might do to Loki in this state were more than a little distracting. Experience was a wonderful thing.

"Well. If it's open ended, let me contemplate... you seem to prefer this form on me?" She pushed open the door to his room.

‘It's not about preference. It's about experience. I'm _better_ at this form." Thor embraced her from behind.

"You weren't bad at the other one, you know," she noted, leaning back into him.

"Well, which do you prefer?" No fun if she didn't like it.

“Well, I don't know, do I," she replied, her mein pricky.

"Would you like to find out?" Thor cupped her breast through the tunic, sighing a little at that familiar feel on Loki's body, now.

_This is what Jane couldn't give him_. "Yes."

"Mm. Good." She smelled the same... mostly. There was an underlying difference that for one reason or another went straight to his groin. Not for its femaleness, but simply for being different. For the fact that he could _tell_. Thor undid her trousers just enough to stick a hand down into them.

"Oh," she gasped. Thor's hand was familiar, but the feeling was different. Wetter. More intimate.

His fingers brushed along the underside of her, pressing between wet lips, exploring. He bit at her ear.

He touched a _very_ sensitive bit. "Oh!" she cried out, shivering. "That!"

"Yes. You've never explored yourself like this?"

“No, why would I?" The male form was entertaining enough, and easy to figure out. The female form had... all sorts of odd things.

"No reason." He touched her clit gently.

"Oh!" She grabbed at him, shaking. "Norns..."

"I do prefer you male, since you ask." He licked at her neck. "But this is _fun_."

"Oh," she repeated, stupidly. Loki didn't understand at all.  But she did like what had just happened... she grabbed his hand and pressed it back in place, over that _good bit_.

"Like that?" He let her guide him.

"Yes.  _Here_.  Faster!" she said, impatiently.

Thor rutted against her, rubbing as she willed it, biting at her neck.

"Ohgods.  Yes. Yes.  Don't stop..." Something frightening and magical was happening.  She was shaking, warmth building, _wetness_ building…

"Yes." So easy, when he knew what she wanted. Thor pressed her tightly to him.

"Thor," she gasped, eyes wide, "what's happening..." She grabbed his arm, tightly, as her body spasmed, wracked with pleasure.  It was like an orgasm, but _more_ \- through her entire body, every nerve ending shivering and singing with pleasure.

Thor kissed her cheek, then grinned. "Would you like some more?"

"Ho... gods," she gasped, holding his arm.  "There's more?"

"If you want it. Yes." He let her go, wrenching his shirt off. He was sweating.

She pulled off her tunic, revealing her small breasts.  "Sex," she replied. Thor had to come in her.

They... why was this surprising? It shouldn't be... suited her. Firm and dark-nippled, barely rounding out at the bottom, like a delicate wineskin, fitting neatly in his hands as he pushed her down onto the bed. So much like his male form, but complimentary. The likeness was _enticing_.

Loki moaned as she was pushed onto the bed.  This shouldn't be all that different, really, and as wet as she was, it might be even easier…

"Want me in you now?" He licked at her, feeling the angles and curves.

Yes, Thor’s tongue on her breast, so sensitive, so sensual. "Yes," she moaned.

"Anything you want." Thor pushed his trousers down, working his lips down towards her nipple and clamping down on it.

"Fuck," she gasped, grabbing his short hair and twisting her hands in it.  Her legs flailed slightly. Thor's ability to undo her was even greater in this form - she hadn't thought that possible, really.

Kicking his pants off, Thor moved himself up enough to align with her body. Loki, so undeniably. He pressed into her slowly, gently, worrying at her pert skin with his teeth.

As when Loki was a man, there was a hesitation, a catch, and then a _give_ \- but this give was not gentle.  It ripped, it tore. It was not the intensity of the pain that made Loki scream - the glaciers knew she had experienced plenty of pain, tasted it like a connoisseur, from Thor's gentle stings of delight to her chest being ripped open - but the _nature_ of it.  It was deeply frightening, visceral, disturbing in a way that bypassed all rational thought.  "No! Stop!" she screamed, clawing at him.

Thor stiffened in shock, stilling, freezing on the spot.

Still in her!  "No," Loki yelled, trying to pull herself off of his cock.

Thor pulled out, stricken, hovering above her on shaking arms. "...what," he muttered, stupidly.

Loki scrabbled away from him, panting, arm thrown across her middle defensively.   _I can't.  I can't give him what Jane didn't_ , she realized, panicked.  Failure.

The shock left him, horror rising in its wake. _Pain_ . Not the (still hard to grasp) good pain; the worst pain: pain in place of pleasure. Pain from _him_. Thor shuddered. Thrice damn him. Fool. Imbecile. He had never bedded a woman on her first time. "Forgive me."

"I am as weak as _that woman_ ," she cried out, furious, frustrated.

"You are not _weak_ ; I am stupid!"

"Shut up!" She scrambled out of bed. There was blood on the sheets, just a little. Mocking her.

"It is like that for all women. I did it wrong." He fell down on the mattress, grateful, yet again, for the reinforcement. "Don't you always tell me I'm too impatient for my own good?"

"That was terrible!" she panted, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Women _did_ that? Voluntarily?

"I know! I'm sorry." He swallowed. "Share the pain with me?"

"No, I just want to..." she heaved a breath, "forget it."

"All right." It hurt enough just seeing her like that. "Will you come here? Please?"

She flashed him a confused and defensive glance.  She wanted to hide in a corner for a few hours, instead.

"The last thing I wanted for you was pain. Please come here. Rest with me. If you hurt, don't hurt alone."

Loki padded back over to the bed, warily, and perched on the edge of it, arms still tightly wrapped around herself.

"I'm sorry." This would bring the dreams back. The ones where he died from Thor's hand. Thor held a hand out, even so.

Loki touched her fingers to Thor's. "Was it like this, with her?"

Thor almost laughed. It felt disconcerting, with the pain in his throat and chest. "Loki, she could not bear even my hands on her. The way I just did, bringing you such pleasure? The slightest touch was too much."

Loki shrugged helplessly. "It was so much easier as a man."

"I was not expecting that. I should have. I was lost in you. No excuse." He squeezed Loki's fingers.

"Is that flattery?" She frowned. "That's _my_ job."

"Honesty." He tried on a grin. "I think that's mine."

"To a fault," she grumbled.  Her heart was starting to slow back down to normal speed.

"Yes, and yes." Deflated, in all ways, he watched the vision that was his brother, his sister, his all.

"Well," she sighed.  "And the evening started so well."

"Until I broke it all with my witless brute force. As always."

"It didn't feel like _that_ the first time you did it in my arse!" Loki complained, frustrated.

"There is skin there that can tear more easily." Was that it? Something to the effect, anyway. "It can be done gently. Without pain, entirely."

"What a terrible design," she sighed.  She touched between her legs, feeling a little sting and some wetness. "It was the same for Aesir women? For Sif?"

"I was the first for none of them."

"Convenient. Being run through with a rusty blade was preferable."

Thor shrank from her. "I'd be surprised if you'd ever have me again."

"Let me change, and we'll have sex." Something good to end the night.

"I'll try." He would say no, but this was Loki. Everything would be taken as a rejection. At least in this, he knew his brother. He sighed. "I just wanted to make you feel as good as you did, over and over again. Women can, you know."

"I didn't know." Loki realized, belatedly, that her illusion had fallen apart.  She looked just like _herself_.  She let it all go and closed her eyes, carefully shifting to the male form.

Thor watched Loki's skin twitch and reform, tissues shifting and recombining. When it seemed to be over, he very gently put a hand on his arm. "Are you unhurt, like this?"

Loki sighed and nodded.  A familiar skin. A comfortable form. "I think so."

"I'm... I'll try. If you want me to. But I'm a little..." Terrified.

"Unexcited." Loki had noticed.

“Concerned.”

Loki stretched out half-on Thor. He felt better already, in this body that knew it liked to be penetrated. "Perhaps I can assuage your concern."

"Take what you want." Just the look on his face was healing.

"That is also my job." Loki kissed him.

Thor pulled him closer, closing his eyes.

Loki lay on him fully, kissing him deeply. This had become so familiar, so wanted, so quickly!  A long-desired goal, finally met?

Loki. Always. Thor embraced him more fully, kissing him deeper. Desire was coming back to him, in full force from having been cut off.

Ah, yes. This. Thor wanting him, Loki knowing how to please them both. Loki rubbed up against him, humming happily.

Thor let himself be taken where Loki led him. Wasn't that always the way?

Loki put his tongue deeply into Thor's mouth, rubbing his whole body against Thor's massive one.

Not a more solid body, but equally strong. Not easily hurt (so, congratulations). Thor could lift him, settle him more firmly on top, press up against the hardness in his groin.

Loki grinned. "This is the part I like, brother," he murmured, bracing himself with a hand on either side of Thor's head.

"You're good with words." Thor stroked the side of his face, tracing faint stubble. "Tell me." He held Loki's hips firmly.

Loki dropped his head slightly, letting his hair almost tickle Thor's face. So he wanted words, did he. "Knowing I'm your universe. That I can do _this_ to you." He moved slightly against Thor's cock. "That after so many centuries of trying to get your attention - I succeeded."

Thor gasped, sitting up with Loki flush against him, kissing him wildly, deliriously.

Succeeded, indeed. Loki opened wide, greedily sucking in the kiss, Thor's tongue, everything of Thor he could.

Reaching out with one hand, blindly, Thor knocked off the entire content of the bedside table. Bottles, little boxes and an instrument that made a metallic sort of noise clattered to the ground. He swore into Loki's mouth.

Loki laughed into Thor's mouth. Damn it, he felt _gleeful_. He grabbed Thor's massive arm and used it to brace himself as he half-rolled off of the bed to grab a handful of bottles, them swung back, dumping them in a pile next to Thor. Oils, lotions, something had to work.

Thor picked the closest thing, flipping the top open. It didn't smell much of anything.

Loki grabbed it from him impatiently, turning it upside down and squeezing a dollop into his hand. Slick and unscented. "Excellent." He rubbed it tantalizingly slowly on Thor's erection.

"Loki, _please_..." Thor needed him. Now.

Thor _wanting_ him. By the Norns' loom, that was addictive! Loki wiped the rest of the lube on Thor more quickly, then stuck two fingers in himself, a brief, token stretch.

Thor was whining on each inhale, pawing at Loki's thighs, his waist, his chest. "Now."

"Now." Loki settled himself down, grasping the shaft to hold it steady. The head breached him gently, pleasingly, and he pushed slowly downwards with a deep, relieved sigh.

Thor pulled himself up, kissing Loki hard again, pressing up into him as Loki settled down.

Loki tilted his head to let Thor kiss him more deeply. That wonderful feeling off utter _fullness_ \- he had dreamed of it, in his childhood bed, in a dark cell, in Odin's hedonistically massive bed, in his little Sakaarian flat. But it was so much _better_ than he had imagined.

The whole world was Loki, and the two of them entwined, united. Thor thrust into him slowly, pausing to gasp for air.

A mind-wrenching burst of pleasure every time Thor thrust deep.  It forced a little noise from his throat every time, half moan, half whimper.  No thought. Just Thor.

Thor licked at his chest. He might not know seiðr, but there were more than one ways to mark skin. He sucked at a point just above his chest, feeling the skin pinch in his mouth.

Loki inhaled sharply. Mostly pleasure, only a twinge of pain, but his blood was rushing to the surface, towards Thor. As it always yearned to.

"Harder?" He stared up into Loki's face in awe. His eyes were blue, but in this light they appeared green, shining from within.

"Yes. Harder." Loki licked his lips with want.

Thor swung them around, hitching Loki's legs up, bearing down. Not fast, but deep, hard, staring into his eyes.

"Uh," Loki gasped as the world spun. He bent his knees, letting Thor press them back, open wider, press in even deeper. "Thor," he moaned, meeting the man's glacial eyes. As if he had a little frost-giant, too.

"With me." He could move them both, like this; joining and coming apart, breathing and sweating.

Loki found himself nodding, a quick, panting jerk off the head. "You," he gasped.

Even closer. Never enough. Thor kissed him, moving languidly, driving them.

Loki's legs stretched, winding themselves around Thor's middle, drawing him closer. Not since Asgard, since wearing another man's face, had Loki felt so in control of his destiny.

"Bind us." He gasped, losing control.

"I will. If you wish, Thor, I will..." In this moment, anything Thor asked for, he would grant.

"I need it. I want it. You." He gasped, reaching for Loki's erection.

"You'll have it." Whatever it took. Not easy. Then Thor's hand swallowed his erection, and rational thought took another vacation.

"Love you." He fell into it, the pleasure taking him by surprise, driving him on as he came.

Loki put his hand over Thor's, forcing him to squeeze harder, stroke faster, drive the orgasm out of Loki.

Thor yelled, going on impulse and automatic drive, waiting for the telltale sign of ozone in the air and pinpricks on his skin, but nothing came. It was all him. No thunder. No seiðr. Them.

Loki stroked himself through it, moaning and clenching. Pure pleasure. It had its place.

Thor settled on his arms, not wanting to collapse all over Loki's chest. Like he was somehow fragile. He grinned, despite himself.

Loki pulled him in, wanting to feel his weight.  Solid, grounding, protective. "No electricity," he noted. Was Thor feeling less excited?

"Don't know why..." This felt good.

"Was that all right?" Loki asked. " _I_ thought it was amazing."

"It was." He settled a little more easily, giving Loki some space to breathe.

Loki sighed. "Good. Then..." He tugged at Thor's shaft. It was getting uncomfortable.

"Sorry..." It was barely a word. Thor shifted to help him.

Loki pulled Thor out of him and collapsed happily.  "I just hope Tony touched that boy's prick. If he's still resisting, I'm going to have to do something drastic."

"Why do you care so much?" Thor swirled an eye in his direction, the other one half-closed. It was almost _sweet_.

Why _did_ he care?  Loki let the thought percolate.  "I'm the God of Mischief, and that's very mischievous," he decided.

Thor snorted. "You like him."

"I empathize."  Wanting someone daunting and not knowing how to handle it.

"God of empathy." Thor kissed the underside of his chin.

"No.  I am _not_ taking that one." Loki crossed his arms. It didn't work as well when he was lying naked in bed with come oozing out of him, but he gave it his best shot.

"I think it suits you."

"You have odd ideas on what suits me."  From his hair to his godhead. "Suppose _I_ took over for hammers?"

"Be my guest. I don't really use them anymore."

"That's no fun." Loki put his hands behind his head.  "I mean, they're _all_ up for grabs now, aren't they?  I could be the god of little metal servants and make Tony worship me."

"I think he already does, a little," Thor said, drily. To think, a day ago he'd been worried about quite the opposite.

"Hmm."  Loki liked that idea.  "I'll start asking for some more specific sacrifices."  The man certainly seemed capable of some delightfully decadent acts.

Thor raised himself on one elbow, with difficulty. "Tiring of me already?"

Loki rolled his eyes.  "Come, now, I'm not allowed a worshiper or two? Or ten?"  They had tens of thousands, back in the day.

"It's not good for you. You get greedy." Thor threw an arm around him and pulled him close, roughly.

"I do." Loki put his arm across Thor's chest possessively.  "I definitely do."

"And you're making me greedy."

"Yes, you're asking me to teach you forbidden seiðr to bind us.  That's a bit greedy." Loki closed his eyes. "And I don't think I would have pulled through the times I did without your avarice."

"Truly?" He said it softly.

"There's no way to know for certain," Loki mumbled into Thor's chest. "It's only a feeling."

"Your feelings are usually right."

"Well, based on them, I had my illusion tell Shuri where I was.  I was tired of maintaining him." It tired him, keeping one walking around and interacting with other people, particularly because the most active times over _there_ were the times of sleep _here_.

"I'd wager Tony has already told her."

"She said he had not.  She suspected, but said the American captain had been in contact with him, and was willing to let them deal with any fallout.  She did say she was shipping a package. Probably my circlet." Loki wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he _was_ a little more sanguine than he had been.  Now that he knew their host better.

"Your... what?"

"Circlet... didn't they tell you?" Loki shrugged.  "Decorative." He didn't feel like going into it, only slipping into a happy post-coital slumber.

Thor stirred, uneasily. _Circlet_. That sounded an awful lot like Tony-speak for restraint. He had an uncanny way of making words do his bidding, in a way more sinister even, than Loki.

"Go to sleep," Loki muttered, feeling Thor's restlessness.

"Bad habits die hard." He'd been up worrying since... Since.

"How long will it take me to fuck them out of you?" Loki mumbled, eyes closed.

Thor laughed and kissed Loki's head. "We'll have fun trying."

"M," Loki replied, eyes still closed. "Prick won't be ready for a while, but the rest is, whenever."

Thor kissed him again, trying to settle.


	9. Chapter 9

Tony paused.  They were back in his room, he was naked - it was probably a good time to take stock.  To check in. "You don't have to shower with me, unless you want." God, the kid looked so wide-eyed.  So young. His conscience poked at him again.

"No, no... I want to." Did he? Well, he did, but he was so nervous it was almost hard to tell. And he'd never been naked in front of another person before; not like this. There was a sense of expectation in the air, and Stuart wasn’t sure how to feel about it. He was still in his underwear, and it sort of didn't matter that Tony had already had his penis in his mouth.

"Yeah, _I_ don't shower in my underpants." Kid was nervous. It was so hard to know what to do - and so Tony just turned on the shower and stepped in himself. Be himself, be vulnerable.  Be naked in front of someone more fit, young, and handsome.

Stupid. Stupid! How was Tony ever going to take him seriously if he kept this up? Stuart slowly slid his boxers off, almost tripping over them when they fell around his ankles.

Tony lathered up his body with soap, tensely. He hadn't even known that was possible.

Did... how did this work; did he _knock_? The shower was big enough to hold at least two people, hell, maybe even four. That wasn't something terribly helpful to think about right now. Stuart swallowed, mentally braced himself, and stepped inside.

Tony handed him the soap. "You're a really good looking kid, you know that?" It was hard to ignore when they were standing this close, naked, wet. And it looked like Stuart had been taking full advantage of the gym.

"...thank you." He tried not to look too closely at Tony's crotch. What was _that_ about?

Tony could see Stuart staring. "I like it neat." Tony soaped up his smoothly shaved crotch.

"I didn't mean to stare, s..." The 'sir' sounded wrong, even to Stuart's ears. "It looks good."

"Your don't have to lie," Tony grinned, smearing shampoo in his hair. "And I keep telling you, it's Tony. Or, at this point, Baby. Or Sex God. I'll take any of those."

"I'veneverdonethisbefore," Stuart yelped.

"This," Tony contemplated. "Sex? Of any kind?" Damn it, was this kid a virgin? _Not anymore_.

"Yeah. Is... is that OK?"

"We all started out that way..." Tony worked his hands in his hair. "Was it okay, at least?"

"It was amazing." Quite literally mind-blowing. Could he touch... he could touch Tony's arms, couldn't he? Rough and taut and wiry muscled - scarred, too. Stuart traced them with his fingers.

Tony relaxed somewhat into Stuart's touch. "They've been through a lot," he noted as the boy traced a long white scar.

"That's what I like about them." He smiled a little crookedly, looking up.

"I'll take it," Tony agreed. He rubbed his soapy hands on Stuart's close-cropped hair.

Hell, this wasn't likely to happen again. Stuart leaned forward and kissed him, hoping for the best.

Proactively wanting this. Yes. Tony wrapped his arms around Stuart, kissing him slowly, deeply.

That was good. Exciting, thrilling even! And Tony was just a little shorter than he was, which he'd never noticed.

Tony let his hands explore Stuart's body, carefully, gently. His strong back, his taut buttocks, his sturdy thighs.

Was this just kissing? Something else? The kissing was so good, though, Stuart just tried to relax into it, his hands settling somewhere on Tony's back.

Tony felt Stuart relax slightly in his arms.  He encouraged that, sliding his hands up and down Stuart's back, licking the inside of his mouth slowly, gently.

It was so easy. All of it. Not at all like he'd imagined (in the extent he'd imagined anything it all); not frantic or demanding. Honestly though, he could do with a little more demanding. He let his hands run down to rest on Tony's hips, and pressed himself just a little closer.

So Stuart was _easy_ , eh.  Those hands were starting to want something again, and Tony liked it.  He broke the kiss slightly. "I mean it - what do you want?"

Without thinking, Stuart looked down to Tony's crotch. His hands twitched. "Uh..."

Virgin, Tony reminded himself. Hell. "We could go to bed..." It was sometimes easier to touch and explore there, and nervousness sometimes found valuable cover in the dark.

"No, I like this." He'd never been this nervous before; it wasn't him. "I want to touch you."

"Touch anything you want, baby. I mean it."

Stuart put his hand right on Tony's penis, running his fingers down the shaft with a gasp.

"Mph," Tony sighed. "That's nice." Important to talk, take nothing for granted. Let _Stuart_ know it was okay to talk.

Stuart kissed him again, pressing close with his hand on Tony's cock. (Tony's cock!) He was a little too eager, nearly pushing them back a little.

Tony stumbled backwards at the press until his back hit the tile, giggling.  He _liked_ this enthusiasm!

Stuart pulled back, a little startled. Had he done something stupid?

Tony chuckled gently and grabbed at Stuart.  "No, I like that!"

"Yeah?" Laughing was good. He grinned, slowly. Tony's chest was smooth, too. Scarred, especially where the arc reactor used to be. Well, he'd said it was OK to touch it…

"Yeah."  Stuart's stomach was firm and warm under Tony's fingers.

"So. If I go to bed with you, what sort of thing could we do?"

"Oral is always good.  And - I'm a bit of a top, but that doesn't mean I don't like to get penetrated. I'm just... toppy about it."

"I didn't think you'd been with a lot of guys." Damn, that sounded... "I mean, I thought you liked girls."

"I _do_ like girls.  I've never been with a guy before.  But some girls like doing that to guys, you know..." Well, no.  He wouldn't know.

"Oh, OK." Made things a little easier, really. "You can do that to me if you want."

Tony stroked Stuart's side.  "We'll try, and see if you like it.  Not everyone does, and that's fine, you know?" His penis liked the idea, certainly.

Stuart's eyes cast down again. "Or I could... Suck you off?" That... OK, he really liked that idea.

"Wherever you like, whenever you like, in whatever order you like." Tony paused. "Except at board meetings. That's distracting."

He... Wanted to keep doing this? "How about right now?"

"Sure." Tony rinsed off the last of the lather and shut off the water.

They were really doing this. Stuart just tried to follow Tony's lead. Like always.

Tony took Stuart's hand and pulled him out of the shower, talking a towel from the wall and rubbing the boy down gently. It felt good to take care of him.

This was nice and all, but a little... Almost too much. Stuart leaned against him, wishing he could just fast forward to the sex.

"You feel good." Tony bent down to dry his legs.

"You really are too good to me."

"No such thing, babe." Tony rolled up the towel and snapped it at Stuart's ass.

Stuart yelped in surprise, then laughed and tried to take it from him.

"Hey!" Tony grinned, trying to tug it back.  "Respect your elders!"

"You're not that old!"

"Older than you!" Tony gave up on the towel and grabbed at Stuart's arms.

Laughing, Stuart let Tony capture him.

"Yay!  I win! ...shit, what do I do now..."  Tony held Stuart close, wiggling back towards the bedroom.

"Whatever you want," Stuart said, meaning it.

"Bed!" Tony announced, gleefully, heading that way.  His large, sprawling memory-foam bed. It had been a long time since it had seen an orgy... since it had seen any sex at all.

Yeah. That certainly was a bed. Stuart sat down on it just to feel what it was like.

Tony quickly brushed off the majority of water from his body with the towel and threw it in the direction of the hamper.  "Friday, 50% brightness." The lights obligingly dimmed to something a little less FBI-interrogation-y.

Stuart couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he was naked. How did Tony just act so natural about it? Well, he looked good, didn't he? Stuart knew he was attractive too, at least by most people's standards; it wasn't that. It was just... unusual. Tony looked like he could walk out on stage like this and feel just as comfortable.

Tony jumped on the bed, fell on his back, and held out his arms.  "Come here."

Stuart climbed what seemed like a mile over there, ending up on his hands and knees by Tony's chest.

Tony pulled the boy atop him, kissing him on the lips. He touched a sensor on the side of the bed, and a hidden drawer opened.  Tony pulled out a condom and a fairly large bottle, then closed it again.

Oh. Stuart tried not to look too obviously at what Tony was doing. Were they... he'd just said it without really thinking it through.

"If you like?" Stuart hadn't given the accoutrements the most positive look.

"I... I don't know. I guess?"

Tony grinned and kissed him again. "We can try a bunch of things and see what you like." That sounded like fun.

"Okay." That seemed fair.

"Then get on your back - probably easier like that." Tony opened up the bottle and slicked his fingers.

"Uh. Sure." This really wasn't what he'd expected at all. There was a whole lot more talking and thinking, for one. Stuart wasn't sure he liked that. He was good at both of those in every other situation, but apparently not this one.

Tony bent over the boy and kissed his lips again. "Remember, if you don't like it, say so and we'll do something that's more fun." He rubbed his fingers over the boy's warm entrance.

"Just do it. It's fine. I'm OK." He wasn't a kid. Wasn't that what this was all about?

"I'm just saying." Tony slid a finger inside. Warm, soft, like velvet embracing his finger.

That... was... OK? Fine? His cock twitched a little from the nearby attention, and just from how close Tony was, honestly.

Oh, yes, that.  Women often liked it when he gave a little oral alongside... Tony put his mouth over Stuart's erection as he slid a second finger in.

Stuart gasped. Jesus, that was just overwhelmingly incredible.

That seemed all right? Tony stretched gently but firmly, lapping at the head.

Whatever was going on below didn't matter one way or another, when _this_ was happening to his penis. Stuart groaned, shivering.

"Mmm." A third finger, slowly. Thank god, all of this had brought Tony's erection back.

Yeah, okay, that was getting uncomfortable. It was fine though. Stuart shifted, trying to relax. This very obviously was what Tony wanted and expected.

Tony felt Stuart _clench._  He stopped spreading, instead holding his fingers at a steady diameter and pulsing in and out, as his lips slid up and down.

Better. But... "It's OK."

Tony pulled off. "Stuart, baby, sex isn't _okay_ , it's fantastic and awesome, and if it's not, we're doing something else until it is."

"Everybody says it’s no good the first time; I just got to get used to it."

"Yeah, that's bullshit," Tony snapped. "It should never feel bad!!" Not for this kid. If Tony did nothing else right, he'd do this right.

"Well, how am I supposed to know!"

Tony sighed and sat up. "I... I care about you a lot, kid. I might... love you, a little." Early days. Far too young. "I need you to feel good more than I need to get my dick wet."

That was a Big word. Stuart pulled back a little. "I'm... I like you a lot. Honestly. And I'm sorry I tried to trick you into this; I shouldn't have. And I'd really, really like to keep doing what we were just doing, but... uh..."

Tony leaned forward and kissed him gently. "Why? Because you want to, or because you think it's what guys do?"

"...maybe a little of both?"

"Mm. I mean... this is a lot.  For you, for one night, it must be."

"Maybe. Yeah."

"Let's make a deal. I'll get you off, then we'll do this bit tomorrow, okay?"

"I'd rather get you off. If... is that OK?"

"Yeah!  If you insist, babe." Tony grinned.

This, Stuart decided, is what he wanted. Once you knew, you knew, clearly. He tried to pull Tony closer to him, staring at his hard and straining cock. Yeah. That's what he wanted.

Tony recognized the look in Stuart's eyes. "Yes. That." He followed Stuart's pull.

Would it fit in his mouth? Didn't matter; Stuart grabbed the shaft with one hand and wrapped his lips around the head. Holy hell.

"Oh, baby," Tony sighed. That degree of earnestness was so arousing!

Fucking hell, he wanted this. Stuart tried to lick as he managed to fit most of it in his mouth, gagging a little when it got too much, but too much was fine too. He grabbed at Tony's ass with his free hand.

"Oh, Stuart," Tony sighed, pressing back against the boy's hand.

Stuart didn't know how anyone else did this, and Tony had said to do what felt right, so that's what he did. Worked his tongue, his lips, sliding up and down the shaft.

"That's good." Tony reached back to move Stuart's hand closer to his hole, letting the invitation just exist.

Oh, was that what he wanted? Why not? Stuart worked a finger close to where Tony wanted it.

"Yeah, that." Maybe Tony should be happy with just oral, but he was greedy.

Just press it inside? Like this? Carefully…

Tony gasped. It was a little dry, but amazing. He rubbed Stuart's fingers with his slippery ones. This was his special recipe - a little went a long way.

Oh yeah. Dumb. He wasn't getting this right, but _Tony's cock_ and _filling his mouth_ was making it hard to beat himself up about it. He removed his hand from the shaft, trying to get it all inside.

"Easy," Tony gasped. No need for the kid to throw up…

Yeah, it was! So good, just stupidly good, and the thrill from getting it just a little further every time..

"Fuck," Tony panted, "you... you like this." Intoxicating.

Stuart felt like laughing. Understatement of the fucking year. He pressed his finger in deeper.

“I do, too,” Tony moaned.

Was he doing that? Making Tony feel that way? That was _fun_. Stuart tried to work his finger in time with what he was doing with his mouth.

"Shit, babe. One more finger and you'll make me come."

Well, that would be even more fun. He moved another finger close, slowly, sliding Tony's cock in and out of his mouth.

Tony grabbed the headboard, moving slightly back and forth, into Stuart's mouth and onto his fingers. "Fuck."

This... this was getting close to the amazing Tony was talking about. Stuart lost himself in the rhythm, thrusting, working his lips, his own cock chafing a little on the sheets, but all one. All one.

"Stu, baby, I'm gonna come." Twice in one night. It had been a while.

Yeah! Stuart tried to nod, bobbing his head as he thrust.

Tony clenched his fists, feeling it build, pushing himself towards it, until, suddenly, yes, oh god, warm and wet and yelling…

Oh! Filling his mouth, coming out his nose...! Stuart spluttered, coughing, blushing furiously.

Tony was off in his own world, shaking and yelling.

Tony was pretty like that, all strung out and happy. Stuart patted his thigh, wondering idly what to do about his own erection.

"Oh," Tony sighed, coming down. "Baby."

“Good?”

"Yeah. Totally." Stuart was still hard, and Tony... had some ideas. He grabbed the condom.

Stuart watched him curiously. He was geared up and relaxed at the same time, like when he was working on something really interesting. Then… Tony slipped a condom on him, then dribbled some lube on it. Oh! Yeah, Stuart thought, almost immediately. He wanted _that_. "You sure?" He sounded like an over eager teenager.

"Yeah, I know what I like, by now!" Two fingers was enough to remind him. He lowered himself carefully.

Stuart nearly yelled. He stared, panting, eyes wide in shock and pleasure.

"Pretty..." Tony gasped as he was breached, opened, spread wide, "pretty nice."

"This is so good, it's too good, you gotta be careful," Stuart rambled, biting his lip.

"I know how to be careful, babe," Tony sighed, bottoming out, filled deliciously. "I just don't want to."

"I'm... I'll..." He closed his eyes for a moment. He was so, so close.

"Come in me?" Tony sighed, feeling the wonderfully pleasurable rubbing inside. "Whenever you want, baby."

He could do better. Stuart grit his teeth, trying to push up, follow Tony. He could learn. He was good.

Tony leaned down and kissed Stuart. It was probably the infatuation and the alcohol taking, but they were talking very loudly.

That... that did it. Gasping into Tony's mouth, Stuart tried to thrust a few times before coming harder than he could remember in his life.

Tony could feel him shake with orgasm. "Yeah, baby, just like that." In him. It was intoxicating.

"Tony...!" He couldn't think!

"Stu. Baby." Tony stroked his cheek.

"Was that ok?"

Tony laughed, grabbing the condom as he pulled off of it. "Beyond that."

"I think I know what I like now."

"Tell me." Tony tossed the condom aside and flopped next to him.

"No, I mean _this._  I like this."

"Good." Tony pulled him close. "Friday, lights off."

He... they were going to sleep here? Stuart felt more awake than ever.

Tony closed his eyes. He'd have to figure this out in the morning, but for now - he slipped off into a very pleased sleep.

A housefly tucked in the corner noted when he fell asleep.

* * *

"Boss, you told me to wake you up at 5:30 to prepare for your meeting with Captain Rhodes."

Tony's eyes shot open. He was tangled up with a warm, pretty body, and his head hurt. "Fuck, yeah, okay," he gasped. He wiggled carefully out of Stuart's half-embrace, half-lying-atop him. He had to shower, dress, and go. And the harsh morning-after perspective was washing over him.  What would Rhody think of him taking the virginity of a boy less than half his age, from his at-risk grant program to boot? He’d think Tony was an amoral asshole, and he’d be right. _Shit._  He hurried into the bathroom.

"You have an incoming call from the same old mobile phone number as before. Would you like me to give it a designation, by the way?"

"Fuck.”  The word of the day.  “Yeah, put it through. Call it Captain Underpants." Steve would just have to listen to him piss.

“Hey, Tony.”

"Morning.  New phone, who dis?" Tony proceed to take care of his morning bladder.

"Morn..." Steve sighed. "I did it again. Got the time wrong. Urgh, sorry. Listen; I just wanted to let you know I'm coming. And also, sorry about that last time I called you. I have no idea what I said. Which worries me."

"Uh, you flirted with me, don't feel bad, most people do. And you promised to bring me some of whatever you were on."

"I... what?" This, Steve told himself. This was why he never called Tony. The Accords were a secondary concern, overall. "Oh god. I'm so sorry. This is just going to be me apologizing over and over. I know you hate that."

"I do. You really should apologise for doing it so much." Tony pulled out his beard trimmer, set the guard to 1, and ran it over his face.

"Yeah, that's the problem." He managed a nervous little laugh. "Anyway, I'll get out of your hair. Oh, I'll be bringing a few things from Shuri."

"Metal things? Circlet things?" Tony would, he admitted, still feel better with that. He turned to the trimmer side and started to shape his beard. He looked haggard in the mirror, his eyes dark and tired.

"She didn't really say. Said you'd know. Uh, I have to go. Anyway, I'll be there either tonight or tomorrow morning, depending. Shuri had some last minute changes to make to some of the stuff, she said."

"All right. I'll be back tonight."

"All right. See you then." Shit. Seeing Tony.

"Yes." I'll see you. Properly.  Maybe we’ll talk about time I was lying on the ground, beaten and defeated, watching you walk away.

* * *

Tony tried to focus on the work in front of him.  It was difficult, with Rhody’s words echoing in his head.   _Really, Tony?  You could fuck anyone you like, and you pick a barely-legal kid who is - do I really have to remind you? - working for you!  He knows he can’t say no without risking his job, so how can you trust his yes?_

Tony had tried to deflect the conversation with some bad joke about the attractive half of the population disappearing, but Rhodes was in a mood to have none of it.  Tony’s ears were ringing when he flew back. And, of course, Rhodes was right. He tended to be.

So Tony was doing what he usually did when he felt bad about something he had done.  Overcompensating by making a gift. The braces Rhodes wore were large and ungainly, awkward when he was dressing or bathing, and, Tony assumed, both uncomfortable to sleep in and uncomfortable to fuck in.  Hence the project in front of him - fine carbon-tube fibers, ferrying slender wires to convey neuronal impulses directly to the leg muscles, bypassing the man’s crushed spine. Miniature arc reactors studded its length.  When he was done, he’d run it by Shuri and see what she thought of the brain side of it.

"Sir, someone is at the front door."

Tony looked up from his work. "Can you be more specific?"

An image of Steve appeared, dressed in an uneasy mix of Wakandan and old American clothes, glancing up at the camera now and then. "It's a bit of a quandary, boss. Facial recognition suggests he is as a wanted fugitive in certain of the databases to which I have access. However, none of his bio-metrics register in any of my _own_ databases. I suspect they may have been deleted."

"Yeah, they were." Tony didn’t want her automatic protocols sending out any alerts, just in case Steve _did_ come back.  He looked down at his messy jeans and black T-shirt. Well, Steve could deal. He took off his gloves and apron and tossed them aside. "Let him in."

Steve exhaled, his shoulders slumping. Had an automated turret started up instead of the door hissing open, he wouldn't have been overly surprised. He would have given it about a 50/50 chance, to be honest. Well, nothing for it. He stepped inside.

Tony walked rapidly out of the lab, down the corridor, and trotted up the two flights of stairs to the atrium.  And yes, there was Steve. That stupid beard. Those mismatched, half-Wakandan, half-American lumberjack clothes.  "Hey. Bring me some fresh-baked bread?"

"I could have! They're fast, aren't they." _Tony_. Steve put his hands in his pockets. At least he knew what they were doing in there.

"Very." Tony put his own hands in his pockets.  He had last seen Steve at some minor distance, in the suit, which had its own degree of separation.  The last time he had seen the man _this_ close... "Did you bring those drugs?"

"I did, yeah. Against my better judgement." He managed a grin.

"What else have you done against your better judgment lately?"

"Let's see." Steve ticked the items off his fingers. "Called you. Twice. Flirted with you." He smiled a little again. "Came here."

"That's a good start." Tony worried at his lip.  "You know, at some point we _do_ have to talk.  You won't believe me, but I hate that part."

"I'm... that's actually why I came. I know. I want that."

"Right, well," Tony sighed, looking down, "no time like the present.  Need anything to eat? Drink? Hit?"

"I'm OK. I wouldn't mind something later, though. I'll probably need it."

"Right. Well, come this way. I'm not going to talk out in the hall." Tony gestured over his shoulder as he turned and walked towards the sitting room.  He had redecorated it before the move-out, before The Event, something a little more modern art-y, something, he had hoped at the time, more Pepper-ish. Big windows to give a big feeling, furniture that was almost comically simple but very comfortable, lots of stark blacks and whites.

Steve just followed. It was so light in here. He hadn't been expecting that, for some reason.

"Sit." Tony waved at the various options for planting one's ass, collapsing in a straight-backed chair.

Steve did. It was a little nice, actually, not having to think so much about it.

"You know..." Tony rubbed his beard thoughtfully. "Vision was right. I've been thinking about this a lot. When I came out as Iron Man, it set a precedent. Everyone came out of the woodwork. Including you."

Steve swirled that around in his mouth, bitterly. Interesting way to put it. "I didn't really have a choice."

Well.  He didn’t have to be _Captain America_.  "No. But others did. And it all affected how everyone saw you, for better or worse. What I'm saying, Steve-o, is that I had some responsibility for all of you."

Steve had been sitting on the edge of the chair. Now he fell back, slowly, letting himself exhale again. He closed his eyes. "Tony. It wasn't on you. We're all adults. We made our own choices."

"Not in a vacuum. Hell, Steve, you wouldn't be here without my dad." That damn serum. "I was responsible. Like..." He looked away. "One Iron Daddy with some very, very rambunctious kids."

Jesus. Steve looked out the window. New York, just recovering, like the rest of them. Like everyone. "I see that now. How you must have felt that way."

Tony looked over at him, scratching his beard again.  "You do?" That was easier than he had expected.

"Yeah, I... Tony," he turned to him, eyes a little tired, "that's not how it seemed to me. You're... you can be a little." He shrugged. "You."

"Pain in the ass. You can say it.  So can you, to be fair."

"No! I mean... yes, I'm sure I can be, but that's not what I meant. You make everything seem so easy. Like it's all just a… a company, or a science project; and I always knew it wasn't about that, not really. That you cared about the _people_. That it's... an act, I guess. Tony Stark, arrogant, unfeeling bastard. But you're a really, really good actor." He blinked. That had been a mouthful.

"I wish it weren’t an act," Tony sighed.  "It would make life easier. I was always a little jealous of JARVIS."

"Bullshit. You just told me you basically adopted a bunch of strays. And what are you doing now? Thor? _Loki_? I'm not the only one taking care of orphans. You're just not baking bread."

"Nothing makes sense anymore." Tony rubbed his face tiredly.  "Rhody forgave you. I guess I can't keep any grudges." It was hard, though.

"I don't want you to forgive me."

"I can't keep it up.  I can’t keep going on while hating you, Steve.  Resenting you. Wanting to punch you. It's still pretty raw, dude.  Last time I properly saw you, I had a big repair bill afterwards."

"I know. I know that. I'm... came here so you could, you know." He looked up. "Punch me."

"I don't want a repeat." Punching hadn't gotten them anywhere before.

"As a shorthand. I'm here for that. Anything you need."

"That was a long trip back," Tony mumbled, looking out of the window.  And he had been damned if he was going to get any help, in the state he was in.

"Yeah." What else was there to say? "There's one thing I want you to know."

"Shoot," Tony shrugged.

"I didn't think I was right. I didn't think you were bad and I was good. We had a couple of shitty options on the table, and you just..." he shrugged, "accepted one of them, I thought, without thinking about it, like you'd given up. And that scared me. So I took the marginally less shitty option, and lived with the consequences. And knowing that I might be wrong."

"You were good kids. I really believe that. The rest of the world didn’t. I thought... that was a chance to prove it."

"But we weren't _kids_ , Tony. That's the thing."

Wanda was.  Peter was. In many ways, Vision was.  "I figured that out. Eventually. But I still feel responsible. For you, for Vision, for Rhody - all of you."

"I should have... I should have just talked to you. Why didn't I do that?"

"Because I'm a right asshole and I'm hard to talk to," Tony sighed.

"You don't have to forgive me," Steve said again. "I don't want you to. I don't forgive me. I never have. But you don't have to hate me, if you don't want to."

"I'm all hated out. I'm just _tired,_  Steve. Winter Soldier is dead and my parents aren't back. So what the hell do I do."

"I don't know. I bake bread."

"I've been building apartments. I also took in an intern.  And just got chewed out by Rhody for sleeping with him." Dude made some very good points. "I'm not good at... people."

"That makes two of us."

" _You_ slept with a guy? I always took you as the upright, straight, Christian type."

Steve threw his head back and laughed. Once he started, he couldn't stop. Tears were in the corners of his eyes, and they stung, and none of it felt remotely right. If anything, he felt a little delirious.

Tony let him go, watching with a wry smile.

"I..." There were actual tears in his eyes. "Oh my god. Where to start?"

"Wherever you want, Captain Crunch."

"OK. So. You've lived. In this world. Right. I know you have. You're here right now. How..." He threw his arms wide. "Could anyone. _Anyone_. Live in this world and believe in God."

"Well, _I_ don't. Plenty do. A lot of apocalyptic types are calling this the rapture. I dunno, it's not like _this_ holocaust was qualitatively different from past ones."  It was more universally dramatic, however. Almost everyone had seen it happen to someone.  There wasn’t the same reliance on videos, on stories, for it to have that visceral, dramatic impact.   _Of a loved one dying in your arms._

"Well I never did."

"What, mister there's-only-one-god-and-he-doesn't-dress-like-that?"

"Yeah, that's what we used to call a _joke_ , back in ancient history."

"Don't quit your day job." Tony hadn't.

"You swear a lot, but I'm pretty sure you're not a Satanist. Also," he added, finger pointed for emphasis, "the reason I haven't slept with a guy is the same reason I've never slept with a woman; never got around to it."

"Wait, you're a virgin?  Steve, that is literally the saddest news I've heard all year."

Here it came. Jibes, disbelief, _attention_. Steve wasn’t in the mood. "Don't make a big deal about it. I never did."

"We need to fix that."  Tony might not be a theist, but he knew a sin when he saw one.

"I..." Steve's eyebrows raised, "really don't think that's a priority."

"It is, though.  That's what we’re fighting _for_.  Love."  Tony found himself leaning forward, looking hard at Steve.  Why was he so invested in this?

"I never expected to find someone. Then I did, and he died. And then I did, and she died."

“Yeah.  I get that.”  Maybe in a bit of an odd order, but _the people I love all died_ was very much a theme.

"I mean, if you want to get technical about it, I died, then she died, then he died. Again."

"There was a lot of dying, yeah, but _you_ didn't actually die." Tony shrugged.  "Thor got his lover back. Lucky him."

"Yeah. I didn't believe that, for quite a while. Seemed... unreal."

"There's so much I can't believe, these days, that this bit is just down the priority list.  He seems to be behaving, for now - but Shuri sent a gift with you?"

"Uh, yeah, there was... quite a bit of stuff. I left it out in the hall."

"Well, we should grab it and get you a room so you can shower and change.  Unless we have more _talking_ to do."

"Honestly, I'm pretty happy you even let me in at all."

"Yeah, I'm happy you didn't kill me."  Tony stood, scratching a long white scar on his arm. "That was yours.  I have one on my ass, too, but I'll spare you a look at it."

"Oh my god, Tony..." Steve reached out, not thinking - his hand was already on Tony's arm when he realized.

"I'm not a super, Steve," Tony noted, looking down at Steve's hand on his arm, "not like you and Thor and..." he waved his hand, "you all."  And it was a lot of hubris to think he could make himself into one. But he had hubris to spare.

What could he say? 'I didn't want that?' Clearly, he did. _That_ didn't happen by accident. 'I didn't mean it?' Again, the scar screamed in denial. 'I'm sorry?' Nothing Tony hadn't heard before. "I should not have done that."

"I shouldn't have tried to kill your friend.  He should _damn_ well not have killed my parents.  But it all happened."

"He died, anyway."

"Yeah, and a monster did it, which makes me feel like shit.  Come on, let's get your stuff. This is getting-drunk talk, and I'm going to hold off on it."  Emotions tended to ambush him rather hard these days, and it was looking to turn into one of those evenings.  Steve brought up a confusing morass of feelings at the best of times.

"All right." Right. No talking about feelings. Steve had never really gotten the hang of that particular macho thing.

"Grab your shit."  Tony walked back into the hallway.

"It's just this." Steve grabbed the chest and threw it onto his back. He didn't have a lot of stuff, but Shuri had gleefully accepted his pack-mule offer.

"This way." With that much stuff, they'd use the elevator.  It opened when Tony waved in its direction. "We're pretty booked, but I got you an upper floor." All of the living spaces were on upper floors, of course, because that was the whole point of views, but this was indeed his last guest room. He might have to convert a few more over.

"I don't want to impose on you..."

"You're not.  I'm going to assign you to entertaining the other guests.  Friday, take us up to the party floor." The door slid shut, and the elevator flew upwards.

“I can do that.”

"Good." Tony watched the numbers fly up, then slow as they approached the top floor. "I wasn't kidding, by the way. My dad wouldn't shut up about you. I think he wanted a kid more like you and less like me." Diligent, well-behaved, physical.  Not snarky and underhanded. The door slid open and Tony walked out.

"He was a good friend." This really would be a bad time to bring up the drunken flirting that one time. Howard probably hadn’t realized who Steve was, anyway. When he got drunk, he got _drunk._

"Yeah, I know. He said that about half a million times, too." Tony took him past the rooms that Thor and Loki were in, past Stuart's room, to the last of the guest rooms. He pushed open the door.  "Here."

"Very nice..." Steve took a step inside, taking it all in. Out in the corner of his eye though... Red, white, blue and silver. Glinting. He took a step closer.

"Oh, yeah, I hung that up when I got back. I come here when I'm constipated, because it makes me shit myself."

Steve took another step. Set the case down. Then another. Another. It wasn’t that big a room, and his legs were always longer than he remembered, but it still felt like a lifetime until he could put his hands on it. One hand. He fell against the wall, Tony's poorly concealed half truth at the forefront of his mind. Shame there wasn't a God. He could use some judgement just about now.

Tony leaned against the door uncomfortably. "I mean, none of the tables wobble, so I don't have much use for it."

"It has no right to be on a wall."

"Well, put it somewhere else, then, it's yours." Tony shoved his hands in his pockets.

"God, Tony." His voice was breaking.

"I can... you can have some time to yourself, if you want." This was not Tony's forte. He shifted uncomfortably.

"I have nightmares about it. You lying there."

"Why?" Tony asked, sharply.

Why? How could he be asking that? "Because I almost killed you."

"Yeah, but wasn't that what you wanted?" In the moment.

"You thought I _wanted_ to _kill you_?" Jesus Christ. And he'd let him into his home. Had taken care of the shield. Cared for him.

"Yeah, and you know what scared me most? Seeing two fists, you and your Winterfresh friend, coming at me. Partly because I thought you were going to kill me, and partly because..." Tony took a deep breath, "because I realized you might be right. It might have all been my fault. Vision, Wanda, _Rhody,_  all my fault. And I've thought about it a million times trying to think of what I could have done differently, and fuck me, I _can't!_ "  The most important thing was to learn from mistakes, to always improve, to always understand what happened and fix it.  And the only lesson he could take from all of  _that_ was… don’t be Tony Stark?

"It wasn't your fault; it's not about fault! It's about pain, and no matter how strong you think I am, I can't stop it, you can't stop it; none of us can. And I nearly killed someone I loved because he hurt someone else I loved. Who the _fuck_ is to blame for that, huh?" He wasn't yelling. What was the point? He beat his fist into his thigh, because anything else would break, and there had already been far too much of that.

Tony looked down.  "I couldn't stop it.  If I had stepped over that line to your side and fought the world, the UN, the people I promised to help - I couldn't have lived with myself. And if I had stepped aside, the armies would have come for you, and too many people would have gotten dead.”  And you’re a living legend, but just the chance that one of the dead could he been _you_...  “It's a fucked up world."

"And you think I could live with myself?"

"I don't know a damn thing about what goes on in your head." Steve _had_ lived with himself, after all.

"No one does." Steve sat down on the floor, clutching it. "No one."

"You always seem so sure.  You just _knew_ those Accords were wrong.  And wouldn’t tell me why. What you needed changed.  What you could compromise on." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back.  " _That's_ when I wanted to punch your beautiful face."  Because he was so driven. So confident. So loyal.  And it had hurt to an irrational degree when the time had come to choose his loyalties, and he hadn't chosen Tony.  "I tried. I really did. I tried to keep you out of it."

"It didn't matter what was in them. It didn't matter, because you had already decided they were right, and there was no room for negotiation. That absolutely terrified me." Someone in which he'd had absolute trust, suddenly siding against him by default, because he knew best.

"If you find out your neighbor is terrified of your kids, and not without reason, you show him your kids have the fuckin' ability to stay out of his yard for a while before trying to _negotiate_ them going back in it."

"Jesus Christ, Tony! Do I have to keep telling you; _we were not children!_ If you'd come to me, or Thor, or Nat, or anyone, and _asked our opinion_ , or even just talked to us rather than putting on this Papa Knows Best routine, we would have listened!"

"Oh my God!" Tony yelled at the ceiling. "Call the press! Headline news! Tony Stark has a massive ego! Nobody knew that before! But I _still_ loved you, I _still_ wanted the best for you, and that included the rest of the goddam world knowing you to be the _good guy_ that I knew you to be! Was that..." Tony exhaled, shaking, "a capital goddam offense?"

"Tony..." Steve sighed. He'd managed not to think about this for, oh, days now. It was exhausting to spew it all back up. "It's not about what I think about you. It's about the fact that we didn't communicate. Neither one of us did."

"Fuck." Tony sat on the floor, heavily. "We never do."

"We... kind of are now?"

"Then tell me what you think of me, since you brought it up." Tony sighed, scratching his hair.  He suspected.

"What's to say. You hurt me, but I care about you. Of course I care about you. I can't stop doing that."

"I didn't want to hurt you. I never did. I was jealous and envious of all sorts of aspects of you, but you were... are... a good man."

"How can you still think that?"

"It's who you are, Steve."

“Still?”

"What do you mean, still? It's who you _are_."

"You're something else, Tony. I could never compete with you. I don't know why I ever tried."

"Uh, you _won_. Your remember that part, right?" Tony looked over at him.

"I got away."

"In better shape than I did. Why are we going over this again? Do you want a rematch? I can think of at least 70 things offhand I'd rather do, and a colonoscopy is on the list."

"Sorry. I do this pretty much every day, but I've never had anyone answer back before. You're deviating from my script."

"Can you give me a copy, then? I'd like to wrap it up in one take and move on."

"I'm... If you want that... I'll try." He didn't deserve it. But that was hardly Tony's problem.

"What I want is a drink. I know it's early, but it's been one of those days. Come with me, your can either have one yourself or watch me." It wasn't even that much about the alcohol. It was the ritual, something soothing to do with his hands and his lips. Something cold in his mouth and warm in his stomach.  Tony stood, brushing off his jeans.

"Anything you want."

"Well, that's a long list. Come on, let's talk about it." Tony looked at the glowing numbers on the implant on the underside of his wrist as he walked out of the door. Just about 6 - not too early for a drink, technically, and where were Stuart and the Dynamically Gay Duo? Well, they were all adults.

Steve dragged himself up and sighed. "I'd like that."

"Come on." Tony put an arm over Steve's massive shoulders, pulling him out of the room.

* * *

They were leaving the room. Shit! Stuart quickly ducked into his own and closed the door, leaning against it as it closed, like some fucking cliché.

And yeah. Fucking. He rubbed his forehead. This was all getting a little too complicated. He thought sex with Tony would be _fun_ , and easy, and the best he’d hope for was for it not to interfere with his job - was it even a job? And now Captain America was here, and the way Tony was talking to him…

Stuart sighed. He liked making things. Thinking; working with his hands. Building stuff. And you could build people too, couldn’t you? Up, or down, or into something completely different. Tony did that, a lot. Maybe… Maybe too much.

He peeled himself off the door and sat down at his desk, shaking himself out of his funk. If life didn’t make sense, work always did. He and Tony had that in common, too.

* * *

"Oh,  Stuart's back." Tony noted the door to the kid’s room closing.  It was a little odd that Stuart hadn’t checked in with him, wasn’t it?  Then again, the Asgardians were a lot to deal with. Despite his ego, everything wasn’t always about _him_. "You can meet at dinner." He steered Steve towards the bar.

"You know I won't get drunk, right?"

"I've got a new batch. It worked on the Asgardians!"

"Oh, that blue stuff? That was amazing." And exactly what he needed right now. "Wait, Thor got drunk?"

"Yeah. He mostly got sad about his Tim Burton fever dream of a brother." Tony opened the door. The view of the city never failed to please him. Well, as long as there was no active alien or robot invasion ongoing.

"He doesn't need to get drunk for that."

"He was more focused." Tony pulled the heavily marked bottle out of its locked niche.  "Loki, though, made an _amazing_ maze. I need to find out how he hooks into the brain..."

"He can do that? I though he just sort of..." Steve shrugged, "made little flashy illusions."

"I hate to say this, Steve," Tony replied, pouring the concoction carefully into a glass, "but he's gotten more powerful since his resurrection. Like Jesus, or Gandalf."

"I wonder about that. After he first came back, Thor would talk and talk and talk about him, like doing that would bring his memory back or something. And the stuff he said; shape-shifting, healing, re-working matter and particles, warping space; he never did any of that in New York." He watched the tumbler fill, slowly. "I don't know. Maybe he was always like that. Maybe he wasn't himself, when he was here."

"I've been wondering about that, too." Tony poured himself a scotch over ice. "Cheers."

Steve lifted his glass. "Cheers."

Tony took a slow sip, letting it flow over his tongue.  He had to lighten the mood. "Not to get into this endlessly, but I wish you had just stayed tied up. Not only would that have meant I didn't have to fight you, but you looked good like that," he teased. "I've been working on those cuffs."

Steve nearly dropped his glass. "H... have you." What was wrong with him? He'd thought about them, of course, or more specifically, about Tony. And... oh. He shivered. No. Wait.

"Yeah, I mean, you got out of them _really_ easily. It was embarrassing."  Thinking back on that… that fight…. It was like poking a festering wound.  The memory wasn’t right. It was confused, dissociated, detached, like he was watching someone else act from a distant perch.

"Would you feel better if I wore them now?" If he said it carefully enough, his voice might not break.

"Changed your mind on the 'virginity' thing?" Tony grinned.

"What?"

Tony sighed. "Sorry, just making kinky sex jokes." Steve was too good of a boy for that.

"I know, I just... It sounded like you, uh..." Like he was offering to have sex with you? Yes, Steve. That's plausible. Get a grip.

"Steve." God, the way the man looked. Like a whipped puppy. Tony took him in a hug, an instinctual act.  How could he not?

Steve clung to him, suddenly crying. Quietly. "I've missed you."

"Sorry. About everything." My ego, my parents, your friend, the goddam Avengers.

"Don't say that, never say that. You're a good person."

"Well... what I'm most sorry about, honestly, is that beard of yours. Nobody wants a mouthful of hair when they kiss."

Steve laughed. "You keep talking like you want to seduce me.”

Tony pulled away slightly, thoughtfully. He caught Steve's eye. "And you keep talking like you wouldn't mind."

"Tony, no!" Steve blushed, looking away.

Tony held Steve lightly by the upper arms. The man could easily pull away if he wanted. He could easily throw Tony onto the next building if he wanted, come to that. "What do you _want,_  Steve? I'm really bad at guessing, when it comes to you."

"I told you." He still looked away. "I want you to beat the crap out of me."

Tony sighed and stepped away, letting go of Steve’s arms. "Steve, I can't hurt you. I mean, I can't," he was no super, "and I _can't_."  It wasn’t right.

"Yeah, you can. You can't _harm_ me, but trust me, you can hurt me fine." He grinned. "I may not have scars, but I still wince when flex this muscle," he bent his arm, "because it makes me think about you throwing me against the wall." He faltered. That... did something to him. That image.

"Sorry. I mean, don't get me wrong, that's quite a muscle. It's impressive." Tony grabbed his tumbler and took a hearty swallow. "That wasn't me, though, it was me plus a fair bit of technology.”

"Which you made. Then carried around and made do exactly what you wanted."

"And you destroyed it with your bare hands. It was a long flight back to think about it." No face shield, only one working thruster, only one working hand stabilizer. At least there had been no risk of sunburn.  "I'm thinking you'd win in an arm wrestle."

"Tony, it hurts when average thugs hit me. You're hardly that."

"Well." Tony took another drink. "My dad fucked up, then.  And I'm not going to hit you."

"To be fair, I never told him." He sighed. "And I know. I just... I think it would help. I know that sounds stupid."

"He should have checked." Asked, at least!  Wouldn’t that be some rather basic due diligence?  Scientifically? "And a big fat no. Unless it _is_ a sex thing. You, me, some champagne and handcuffs, this little leather paddle a girlfriend whose name I can't remember gave me..."

Steve drank the rest of his drink in one long go. "Um."

Tony sighed.  He was going to have to hit Steve over the head with it.  "Okay. Here's another anecdote from your favorite sitcom, Papa Knows Best." He refilled his glass. "Let's say you're young and awkward, you have no game but you think you're way more clever than you are. So you learn to play Schrodinger's Flirt. You make a flirt that's so outrageous that if it doesn't come off, you laugh and it's a joke.” Tony shrugged.  “If it does, score. So open the box, Steve."

"Maybe not a paddle," Steve mumbled.

"I've accumulated a lot of stuff over the years. By a nice coincidence, I store it all in the least-used bedroom."

"I like people. Not... gadgets." He took Tony's hand. Looked at it like he was studying a dense legal document.

Tony watched Steve study his hand.  What was he looking for? Lines, calluses, old scars?  He’d find them. "I like gadgets. They're sort of my _thing._  But I can improvise."

"Didn't you say there was someone... the kid? Or was that a joke?"

"Oh, yeah." Tony drained his glass and refilled it. "Sit down. This is going to take a while." And he had some rather spicy added commentary from Rhody.

"Uh, sure." Worse than what they'd just been discussing?

Tony took a deep breath. "He's an intern. From an outreach I did. Really smart kid, great mind, really disciplined. Does amazing work. And ridiculously good looking, on top. And then... he developed a _older patron_ fetish sort of thing. And because I have no self control, I indulged him. And both my internal conscience and my external one - Rhody - told me I was an asshole for doing it."

"You have to talk to him."

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. I just can't get over, though - well, in a few days, kid will go to his first Pride. He'll have his pick of gorgeous men, and I can't help feeling that this problem will,” Tony waved his hand, “take care of itself."

"Tony. What if he's in love with you?"

"He's not," Tony replied, firmly, with certainty.

"How do you know, though? Talk to him.”

"Kids that young don't fall in love with guys like me, Steve. I took him out of that crap school, I gave him a nice place to live and a proper workspace. I'm going to put him through college because it would be a sin worse than some random piece of fruit for him _not_ to go. So he's infatuated, of course he is."

“He could do worse." Steve tried to smile.

"Yes, but he could do a fuckload better, and he will." Tony sighed. "I just need him to understand,” he waved, looking at Steve sternly, “ _really_ understand, that none of this is going away no matter who he fucks."

"Yeah." Steve nodded. "I get it. I get that."

"I need to talk to him," Tony sighed, reluctantly. His discomfort was no reason not to do right by the kid.  "Tonight."

"Good." Steve turned his head. "Is that the door?"

* * *

"The animals would not have survived a day," Loki told Thor. "They have not been raised in the wild, they are soft and civilized." He lapped at the edges of the gelato in his hand, tasting the mixed bitter and sweet, so decadently rich. A good end to a day well spent.

"Something must be done to stop it!" The anger felt distant, the argument one of rote. Loki was _eating_ and _enjoying it_ , the skies were clear, and the world was as beautiful as it could be, in the current circumstances.

"You may set up your own reserve, but many of your rescues would eat your goats." The gelato was melting excessively, so Loki re-froze it with a touch. "Shall I tell you what I learned today from my spying? It's quite delicious."

"Thor?" Steve took a step towards him, cautiously. Was... that Loki eating ice cream?

"Steve Rogers!" Thor threw himself at him, lifting him in the air before pulling him down into a hug.

"Or not," Loki sighed, putting the gelato aside on the bar.

"You liked the suit?" Tony asked Loki. He had put a proper suit in the closet just to see - three-piece, made of silk from transgenic goats, dark grey with medium grey pinstripes, a dark green silk tie with matching pocket square - and Loki had worn it. He looked even more like a '90s movie villain.

“When in Midgard, wear Midgardian apparel." It wasn’t black, but it fit well, and he had to admit that he was fond of the green touches.  Loki eyed Thor and Steve embracing with mild revulsion.

"You're looking happy!" The last time Steve had seen Thor, he'd been about an even mix of angry and depressed. This was more familiar.

"I have reason to." Thor let him down, glancing at Loki.

Loki tried to smile without his teeth. It was a little strained.  Unnatural.

So transparently jealous, as always. Thor grinned, pulling Steve over. "Look! my brother is much improved."

"Yeah, he looks..." Ginger? "Different."

"It's what I do," Loki noted.  Be different. He saw that Tony was fiddling thoughtfully with his glass.  Well, after what he had heard, he was unsurprised that the man had some nerves afflicting him.

"Well, that's... good." Honestly, if what Thor had said was halfway true, Loki could have killed them all in Wakanda if he wanted to. He clearly didn't.

“If you like.”  So this one wanted Tony, as well, Loki noted.  And perhaps that would assuage his jealousy of Steve, of Thor’s affection for the man.  He should discuss this with Thor; surely he would approve of the union?

"You will be joining us in our efforts to rebuild the city?"

"Yeah, that's the idea." Steve nodded at Tony. "And I heard good things about the food around here."

"I’m not going to pull out the stops like that _every_ time.” Tony sighed, resigned.  “But I suppose it’s Reunion Night tonight.”

"A celebration!" Thor patted Steve on the back, glad to have someone less fragile around. Steve grinned and returned the favor.

“I’ll go whip something up.” Tony put his glass aside.  “Re-convene in the dining room in an hour or so, okay? And someone get Stuart.”

“I will,” Loki volunteered.  Tony cringed. Excellent.

"Excellent. Tony, if I might have a moment of your time?" Thor glanced at Steve, who took the hint.

"I should go unpack. I'll see you both later."

Tony watched Steve and Loki walk out of the door.  This place was turning into a commune. “What’s up?” he asked Thor.

"There is a ritual. Something I could perform, with your help... In procurement," he added, quickly. "It would help settle Loki's mind even further, and would give me access to his inner thoughts."

"Okay.”  Tony closed his eyes and waved his hands sharply.  “I don’t want to know the details of whatever kinky shit you have going, just tell me what you need.”

"It's not sexual," Thor huffed, not sure if he should be offended or not. "Uh, a platinum vessel."

"Pure platinum, or an alloy? What kind of vessel?”

"Pure. I believe that is the crucial point."

“All right. Size? Shape?  Weird markings?”

"More like a bowl," Thor hazarded. "No weird markings."

Tony sighed.  “I think I’m going to have to talk to Loki about the details.” Thor wasn’t a _details_ type, and Tony didn’t want to fuck up something Thor-related.

"He... Doesn't know I'm asking you."

"Doesn't he want to do your freaky ritual?"

"He..." Thor set his jaw. "It's akin to a marriage. All right? He doesn't think I want that."

Marriage.  Really. Tony couldn't deal with this, not right now. "I can get you one modeled off of a soup bowl, if that'll do. Anything else?"

"No, I can acquire the rest without difficulty." He very carefully laid a hand on Tony's shoulder. "I don't like asking, but it's not exactly something I can pick up downtown."

"Nope." The idea of Thor going out on the town and trying to buy one with - what?  Blessings? Animal pelts? It had appeal. But Tony had money to burn, not to mention access to smelting equipment. "It'll take a few days."

"I would be forever in your debt." He looked down, embarrassed. "Though of course I already am."

"Depends on how you define it. You saved New York, multiple times.  Once from _my_ robots."

"I'll say it again: You're a good man, Tony Stark." Far better than Thor gave him credit for. Though he tried.

Well, that was a bad mix with the guilt soup Tony was stewing in. "You're just saying that because I feed you. Go get your brother before my intern gives him any more ideas." Or vice versa.

"You have a point." Thor ran off, then came back for a final, very careful pat on the back. "My thanks. Truly." He ran off again.

Tony rubbed his sore shoulder. Better, this time. He headed to the kitchen.  At least he could turn his mind to something straightforward and productive, for a moment. Polenta was easy, and he had some tough shoulder cuts left over that he could grind to sausage…

* * *

"How did your fare last night, young Stuart?" Loki leaned into the boy’s room, not knocking.

Not Tony. Thank god. Maybe not _that_ particular god, though. "Good. Yeah. I mean... good."

Loki stepped inside, closing the door and leaning against it. "Only _good_? I expected more of Stark."

"It was great, OK?" Stuart threw his arms out. "Fantastic."

Loki grinned. "Congratulations on your conquest, then."

"Thanks. And thanks for helping me out. I don't think it would have work without that, honestly." He leaned back on his bed, crossed arms supporting his head. He sighed.

"You seem pensive, young Stuart."

"I dunno. Shouldn't I feel better about this?"

"What, specifically, weighs on your mind?" Loki strode closer.

"It was nice and all, when we did it the first time. And then..."

"And then?" Loki prompted, bending down to put his face closer to Stuart’s, eyes glittering.  More times after the first? Or was age catching up to Stark?

"He was so nice. But the way he talked to me... I think he might like me a little too much."

Loki sat on the edge of the bed. It creaked under his weight. "I did not think that was theoretically possible."

"I didn't either. I dunno. I just thought he'd be all cocky and forceful, and you know..." He looked over at Loki. Why was he confiding in this guy? Who else was there, though? "I think he's just lonely. I'm not sure I can be what he wants me to be."

"Interesting." Stuart wanted a partner who was forceful, the way Thor was with Loki? What Loki wanted - but also, that force as a sign of affection? "He is a most complex man."

"It's fun and all, I mean, it's amazing, but I don't want to hurt him."

Acting selflessly. Not taking something he wanted because something else was better.  And he wasn't even being as pissy about it as Loki. The desire for mischief faltered.  "You are wise beyond your Midgardian heritage."

"And you're nicer than you think you are." Stuart gave him a grin and held out his hand. "It's Loki, right?"

Loki took his hand. "My apologies for the city. I was not myself. Was the sex, at least, worthwhile?" Loki had enabled it.

"Yeah, I'm still trying to process that, really. I figured some things out. It was good. I owe you one." His grin widened. That was probably a terrible idea, but it was also a challenge, and Stuart liked that maybe even more than sex. And he had a comparison, now.

Loki sighed, standing, picking at his fingers. "I have always been the God of Mischief, but it's difficult to retain a taste for it after so much horror. It would be great fun to steer you astray in this, but the right thing to do is to be honest with Stark."

"I will. Don't worry." Stuart shook his head. "Keep Tony on his toes, all right? I think he needs someone like you around for his brain to keep from eating itself."

Loki grinned again, at that. "Of all of my adversaries, I believe I enjoyed my conversations with him the most, brief though they were."

"I think he likes it too. In a weird sort of way."

"Brother?"

Loki turned to the door. "I believe we are being summoned."

"Go on. I need to shower and change real quick."

"I was sent to summon _you_ , come to that. Meet us for dinner when you are done." Loki swept out of the room with ground-eating strides.

"You knew I was listening, didn't you?" Thor fell into step beside him.

"I expected no less. I am disappointed in myself, however," Loki sighed.

"You are?"

"Yes! It would have been so simple to send the situation astray. Suggest to young Stuart that he merely needed to be more persistent, stoke Stark's guilt a little, and then encourage your _friend_ Steve while those two were still in turmoil." Delicious trouble and angst. Loki sighed.

"You are growing soft." Thor smiled, winding an arm around him.

"What is a God of Mischief without mischief?" Loki grumbled. "A God of Nice Little Gestures? I'm ashamed."

"You're not really a god, Loki."

"Avatar? Representative? Strong advocate?"

"All of those are good. Now, tell me what gossip you've heard. I know you're dying to."


	10. Chapter 10

His Wakandan shift was a little worse for wear, even after the short trip. But it hadn't been clean when he put it on, come to that. If Tony were making them a nice dinner, he should at least make some effort at cleaning up. Steve opened the chest, taking out the little canvas bag containing his personal belongings. All of them, truth be told. Whatever was left in his apartment when he ran, may have been claimed by the police, or maybe just thrown out. No matter; things were just things. He pulled out a shirt and a decent-looking pair of slacks, neither of which he had worn for years. He put them down, waiting for the dour commentary that never came.

He sat down on the bed, carefully moving the clothes. "Bucky?"

Silence. The room was empty. Just him, nothingness, and the shield. "You've been really quiet." Bucky was always there. Always, since the world ended. Then Steve had gotten high off his mind, and when he woke up…

His mouth formed the sounds again. The room was empty. Steve carefully took off his shoes, rummaged in the chest for another few items, and walked into the bathroom. He showered at an angle, looking at the shield.

* * *

Tony swung a knife as he stood in the kitchen, trying to get motivated. He needed a distraction, something to bury himself in while his mind worked things out in the background. Cooking was not as pleasantly absorbing as working in the lab, but it would do - and it needed doing. Steve had never eaten his cooking… and that was a fairly absurd motivation, but there it was. He needed to impress Steve. Well, what else was new?

Polenta with a proper measure of water, in a saucepan. Chives, a little rosemary, some soft blue cheese. Sex with a very young boy. He took a deep breath and shook his head. This wasn’t a productive line of thought, but it was damndably intrusive. Focus on the food.

Cut strips of shoulder, shove in a grinder with trimmed pancetta fat, mix with oregano in a bowl. Steve’s face twisted with anger, his fist flying at Tony’s eyes. A dissociated knowledge that Steve was trying to kill him, all of the fear stripped away. Rhody, clinging to him as he tried to walk. Rhody, legs braced with technology, looking at him with a level of disappointment more profound than usual.

Make balls. Pan sear. Peter dissolving as he held the kid tightly, tried to keep him _together_.

Fuck.

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey." Tony put his hand through his hair, trying to catch his breath from the trot upstairs. Said hair was mess, and that was apt, as was the contrast to Steve’s effortless attractiveness. "You look good." He took a deep breath.

"Thanks. Felt like a change."

"Good change." Tony tucked his shirt in. It had taken longer to make dinner than he had expected - too many mental detours, too much second-guessing - and he had hurried back up, only to find… Steve and nobody else. "I ran outta time."

"You look good." His arms were showing. That was rare.

That was the bare minimum of courtesy, but Tony appreciated it. Not enough not to deflect it with a sarcastic comment, of course. "I’d make a joke about you being away from civilization too long, but you've been living in the most civilized country in the world. They have pretty people, I've seen it."

"That wasn't when I grew this. That." He rubbed his naked chin.

"When did the Beard of Sorrow make its first appearance, then?"

"I just stopped shaving after... What happened. You, me. Sokovia."

"It... Yeah. Wasn't fun. I think we went over most of it earlier." Tony waved it away with a sigh. He could really use a longer break before going over it again.

"You kept shaving. Better man." He managed a little smile.

"I have a company." Employees. Responsibilities. It helped keep him from descending too far into himself. Especially now that Pepper... "Stuart, Steve, meet each other."

"Hey. Um. Evening Captain Rogers. Honor to meet you, sir." Stuart hovered in the doorway.

"Hey Stuart. And please; it's Steve." He held a hand out. Stuart took it, shaking it carefully but firmly.

"Stuart is the smart one. Have a drink, I have more than just booze." Tony poured himself a selzer. Enough alcohol for now.

"I'll have some of what you're having," Steve nodded.

Stuart shrugged. "I'm easy." He glanced at Tony. "Uh, I mean..."

"Yeah." Tony’s conscience and his cock twitched in unison. It was going to be a long night. Tony poured two more selzers. "Mister H and Thor should be joining us soon."

"I know who he is, sir." Stuart hesitated a little on the 'sir'. "It's all right."

Tony handed over the glasses and took his own. "See?" he noted to Steve, pointing at Stuart. "Smart one."

"So, Stuart. You're from around here?"

"Yes, sir."

"Steve. Please."

"Steve is from Brooklyn,” Tony interjected. "You hipster, you."

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

Stuart laughed. "Depends. But don't worry, you're not. Not without the beard, anyway."

"Three New Yorkers. I'm oddly proud." It should be four. Tony took a careful breath. Yeah, it was going to be a _really_ long night.

"Oh, and Stuart knows who I am, now," Loki murmured to Thor by way of conclusion as they stepped into the room.

"He is a smart young man."

"Yes." Loki considered the tableaux. Steve, dapper and shaven, and again Loki felt Fenrir's ghost gnawing at his insides. Tony, tired and disheveled. Stuart, unusually confident and put-together, and twice as appealing because of that.

"A fine gathering." Thor sat, his hands not leaving Loki's side.

"Three quarters of the original Avengers, at least.” Tony shrugged. Such a short period of time, in retrospect, when they had really worked well together. And it really was his fault, wasn’t it, that it had all come to an end.  _That_ had all started with Ultron. “Bruce isn't talking to me. He's taking a little time to himself."

"It has been a trying time," Thor agreed.

"That's Banner - the Hulk, right?"

"Yeah.” Tony played with his glass. “I guess they need to hash some things out between them. The cyborg girl seems to be helping." She seemed to have some needs, too, that she wouldn’t talk to Tony about. Maybe he had been too focused on making her _mechanically_ sound.

"They are both great warriors, in their own rights."

"Must be hard," Stuart mumbled.

"I can't imagine," Steve agreed.

"A split personality perhaps slightly in excess of anyone here," Loki noted. He still winced slightly at the returning memories of _green_ and... _smash_?

"Point made. Drinks?" Tony asked.

"Something refreshing would suit me."

"Whatever you desire," Loki waved. The imbalance, almost nausea, of returning memories was becoming annoyingly familiar.

Tony poured out two cold mango juices. Catering to Asgardians should be a tricky business, but their palates did seem fairly human. Odd, that. He should look into it a bit more. He had been so hung up on Thor’s alien-ness, in the past...

Smelled somewhat like mead, but not at all potent. Thor enjoyed liked the look of it.

"Will you be staying long, Captain?" Stuart asked.

"It's..." Steve exchanged a look with Tony, "a little while, at least."

"Yeah.” It was a good enough transition. “Let's have some food and drinks, but then I want to talk business." Tony started to pass out steaming plates of food.

Loki sipped the drink. Sweet and rich. Not bad; Midgard did have some pleasures worthy of consideration, it seemed.

That sounded serious. Stuart took his plate and leaned back against his chair, trying to take up as little space as possible.

"We've done a lot of good work here," Tony noted, settling at the head of the table, "and we're going to have a party in a few days, but after that, I want to go after Thanos."

Steve froze, mid sip. Wasn't Tony already working on that?

Thor waved a fork. "Are you not already working on that?"

"I could use some help. I mean, a _lot_ of help." The full frontal assault hadn’t gone so well. He rubbed his side. It had mostly healed, but it ached, and the scar would last. And on the same side as his bad arm, no less...

"I came here for this reason." Thor gestured to Loki. "As did my brother."

"Yeah, that's why we all came," Steve agreed.

"I thought y'all came to build houses... but anyway. I've been working on tech, but I'll be honest, the closest we came to taking that motherfucker down had nothing to do with tech. It had to do with..." He glanced at Loki. "Wiggly finger stuff."

"Did it," Loki said levelly, faking calm.

"Just what are you proposing," Thor said, carefully. Loki was distressed.

"This isn't a dictatorship. I'm just telling you what worked." Tony met Thor’s eyes.

"I understand that. But I know little of" Thor gestured "wiggling fingers. And so I ask you: What are you proposing?"

Stuart tried to lean even further back in his seat. This, he thought was what they talked about when they said an atmosphere could be cut with a knife.

Wait, wasn’t that Thor’s _thing_? Not as much as Loki, but still? "That's what I need to know. The girl with the antennae on her head - she scrambled his thoughts. We almost had the glove off." Had Tony been a super, the fork would have broken in his hand. "Can you do that?"

"I don't know. I've never tried." Loki's brain screamed Don't Let Thanos In Here I'd Rather Die. He speared a green bean with his fork thoughtfully.

"You are aware," Thor said, his voice as even as the granite tabletop, "that Loki was tortured beyond the means of human understanding the last time his mind touched that of Thanos?"

Tony tried to relax his grip on the fork. "If you're aware of anyone else who can do it, I'd love more options."

"I'm... not loving that idea either, truth be told." No more torture. They were better than that.

"M... maybe..." Stuart shocked himself by speaking up.

"Spit it out, kid. I'm open to anything." Poor choice of words, Tony noted to himself.

Loki watched the fork slowly slide through the flesh of another bean.

Thor put a hand on Loki's side. Did he know Thor would kill rather than let that happen to him again?

"Maybe... if Loki has that power, we can make some sort of conduit for it?"

"Like your capacitor? Keep talking." Tony looked at Stuart intently.

Loki started slightly at Thor's touch, looking over.

"Y... yeah. Maybe. But that's assuming there's some kind of energy involved."

"Not a bad assumption.” Everything was energy, after all. “And very testable." Tony rubbed his beard thoughtfully.

"How?" Loki asked, sharply.

"Wiggle your fingers and we measure." Tony shrugged. He wanted to do a fair bit of that anyway.

"We can do that," Stuart said, his voice still fairly quiet, "but I wasn't actually thinking about a machine. I was thinking about a person."

"I like that idea a lot less," Tony said, firmly. Anything a person could do, he could make a machine to do, with much less risk to people.

"I'd do it," Stuart said, before he could stop himself.

"Nope, you sure as fuck wouldn't,” Tony replied, unequivocally. “We'll investigate engineering solutions, if our friend here can make that happen - that's the only path forward as far as I'm concerned."

Loki dropped his cutlery, his mind restlessly seeking action. If he could make that happen. He was as curious as Tony, really, for very different reasons. And the man was next to him, on the other side from Thor - it was easy to lean towards him, put his hand on the Midgardian's warm face, feel the roiling mess of his thoughts, the little creatures of his mind jolting each other with electricity, and then make them all jolt at once…

Tony was paralyzed. Screaming would have been nice, about now, but his hand locked around the fork, his eyes locked open, his mouth wouldn't even let out a croak…

"Loki!" Thor clamped a hand on his arm, wanting to tear it away, but knowing that might make it worse. "Stop it."

Loki did not want to stop. Yes, he felt a certain pleasure in this power, in this newfound ability, a certain control that had been sorely lacking. As an unexpected benefit, he greedily caught at stray thoughts of Tony's as they flew, gathering them like treasure... but... Thor. Unhappily, regretfully, Loki withdrew his suggestions, letting the creatures fall back to their own patterns and their own devices, pulling his hand away.

Tony's fork fell with a clatter. Sweat trickled down his face. "Fuck," he managed, his voice weak.

"We are his guests, and he has trusted you against his better judgment. I know you were proving a point, but use your words. I know you can." Thor squeezed his arm in warning, letting a slight twinkle in his eye speak of the pride he felt, despite it all.

"I was not certain myself that this would work," Loki said, defensively. Yet it had… magnificently. That was pleasing.

"It does." Tony wiped a wet strand of hair from his forehead with a shaking hand. "It... yeah. That would work." There had to be a mechanical way to replicate that. Install it on his suit - and Rhody's, too. It would be a long-term project, but Earth needed all of the backup it could get.

"Would it? Tony is not Thanos," Steve interjected.

"What did you do to him?" Thor watched them both, Tony and Loki, each exhausted in their own way. Though one of them was clearly worse for wear.

"I took the restraints from the creatures of his mind,” Loki explained. ”They created a great deal of sensation, in their zeal."

That was, oddly, very clear. "You made all of my neurons fire at once." As long as Thanos had anything like a normal brain… and he had red blood, after all, protein clustered around iron, ferrying oxygen just like a human’s. The sample had been useful. "It's seems worth a try, unless you know anything more about Thanos," Tony replied, looking hopefully at Thor. He wanted to take a drink, but he didn't trust his hands to pick up a glass. That had been... excruciating. "I had also been thinking about bioweapons, but that thing you did," he managed to point a finger at Loki, "seems more..." he took a deep breath, "applicable."

"One person in this room," Thor said, meeting Tony's eyes evenly, "knows more about Thanos than anyone rightly should, and live to tell about it."

"Exactly!" Steve leaned across the table. "And what are we proposing here, exactly? To expose someone who was under Thanos's control to him on a silver platter? Even with a conduit, how would that work?"

"No. That's the whole idea of trying to mechanize it," Tony sighed. "If I can make something that can do what Loki just did to me - then there's no need to bring him along." Humanitarianism and practical trust issues worked nicely together in this.

Stuart had been chewing on his empty fork. "Could you build a model brain, Tony? If Loki could demonstrate on that, we might find it easier to figure out how he does it."

"Yeah, sure, I can build anything, if Loki is willing to give me some guidance."

"I cannot guarantee it will be accurate."

Steve was only halfway paying attention. Tony wasn't kidding; Loki had powers that far overshadowed what he'd displayed in the Battle of New York. Even if he hadn’t had them back then; if they were a recent development, Thanos would have seen the potential. That was what Thanos did; bring out the best and worst in people. But Loki had just thrown around petty parlor tricks. "Maybe there's something else you can teach us."

"Illusion? I won't give Tony everything," Loki joked, eyes glittering.

"How to resist Thanos."

Loki's fingers drummed on the table. "I'm not certain that can be taught."

Tony looked at him sharply. What was this, now?

Noticing Tony's look, Steve turned towards him. "You've seen what he can do. Don't you think think Thanos would have had a field day with abilities like that?” He turned back to Loki. “You kept fighting him, didn't you?"

Thor looked down. He had seen it. Done nothing. Failed.

"To a limited extent," Loki muttered, picking at his fingers. Hiding his true self like a child locked in a cabinet. It wasn't enough to only show the weak, petty parts of him. He had to be only the weak, petty parts of him. "I doubt it would be of much use outside of my own situation."

"It's still pretty darn impressive."

Thor lay his arm around Loki's waist.

"That's the problem," Tony sighed. "Lack of information. The only wiggly finger we have is also the only source of information about Thanos. Now, me, I'm happy to run in guns blazing - or, neuron-zapper blazing." He owed Thanos a lot. "Even if it didn't work, we'd learn something." His brain played with the idea. Bring in a few observational drones, broadcasting back in real time, for Rhody and Stuart to decipher…

"But we'd be showing our hand."

Tony rubbed his chin. "We need more information." Back around to the same problem they had started with.

"So that's what we focus on." Steve sat back. "Uh, the food was great, by the way."

Tony wished he could laugh at that. It was just sweetly, delightfully out of left field. "Right, but where do we get it? He's a one-off, yeah?"

"Do we know where he is," Stuart suggested. "Like, do we have any idea?"

"My armor was damaged when we fought.” Just a little. “Some of the nanobots stuck to him. I have satellites and probes scanning for their signature."

"Any luck," Steve asked.

"Not yet. It's just a matter of time, though." Tony hoped he was right about that. But what else could he do? Well, try to get more information from Loki, of course. And try to be patient with Thor’s protectiveness.

"Good. Then let's take it from there."

"Fair enough," Tony agreed. "I want to work on that neural disruptor, in the meantime."

"You did well," Thor muttered into Loki’s ear.

"I would be pleased to help." A little mind zapping, a little revenge on Thanos. His hand found Thor's thigh under the table.

Thor put his hand on top of Loki's. "I would like to see his face as we end him."

"We might have to have a line, at this point," Tony noted, poking at his food.

Thor nodded, chewing angrily.

Well, Stuart thought, it would be as easy as anything else to rig up a remote camera system…

"Some sort of camera," Tony mused. "Record it for posterity if it works, insurance if it doesn't.”

"Cameras," Steve agreed. "Even I know what those are."

"We could do that," Stuart said.

"It'd be pretty easy to integrate into the suit. We're serious about this, aren't we?" Tony gave up on eating.

"You're the tech guy, Tony. The rest of us just have to smile and nod along." He added, "oh, and you, Stuart. Tony has good things to say about you."

"Thank you." Stuart blushed, a full-body rush of blood.

"I would prefer to take him down by my own hands," Thor admitted. "But I will do what is needed."

"You're bringing that nasty ax along. We're going to blast his brain, I'm going for the glove, and you're going to hit him with the ax. We're taking no chances." Tony took a deep breath. Isolation had done them no favors, last time. And what had lead to that isolation was never a good road for his brain to go down.

"I will bury it in his head." Thor was the only one still eating, he noted. Why? Didn't they need their strength for the battles ahead?

"Yeah," Tony sighed. His conscience poked at him. You wanted to see the Winter Soldier dead. Well, Thanos was capable of far more. But was that reason enough to make Tony’s desire for Thanos’s death… un-monstrous?

Steve watched Tony, slumped in his chair, meal forgotten. Hardly the picture of a vindictive man. His conscience poked at him.

"Well." Loki pushed his food aside. "As always, my brother is the only one with an appetite. When he is done, perhaps we can adjourn for more discussion."

"What else is there to discuss? We will crush Thanos with Tony's skill, and our muscle."

"Some details, perhaps," Loki sighed. Tony smiled wryly.

"And your cunning." Thor grinned at Loki.

"That is the part where I would appreciate discussion of details.” Loki nodded.

"Thor said you were good with words," Steve noted. "Anything you could describe would be invaluable."

"Hm." Loki sat back, closing his eyes. Remembering. It actually... helped, thinking of pulling out concrete details. Something else to focus on, other than his weaknesses, his failures. "I can do that."

Thor put his hand on Loki's, under the table. Squeezed it.

"He is the only one of his kind," Loki noted, surprised at his own equanimity. How readily this flowed. "A hybrid... but not dissimilar from us. He has camouflaged nihilism with a desire for what's best for the lesser folk."

Thor looked at him in surprise. Held his hand tighter.

Steve found himself shifting closer to Tony, at rapt attention.

"He secretly suspects he is unworthy of the power he wields, and endeavours to find the weaknesses in all he meets to justify his possession of it." Loki paused. "The weakness he found in me is the one we share."

"Share? With Thanos?" Steve shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes." Loki met his eyes. "The certainty I had, at the time, that I knew what was best for Midgard."

"It takes guts to admit that." He owed Thor an apology. Add one more name to the list. Steve tried to meet his eyes. Thor just smiled at him, quietly.

"I have little reputation to lose, at this point."

"Still," Tony muttered. Honesty. He needed to be better at that himself - admitting his flaws. It was key to overcoming them. Far, far more easily said than done.

"Our father had cast him out. We thought he had fallen to his death - that's when Thanos found him. He preys on the vulnerable. Digs out their weakness and warps their minds." Thor was practically looming over Loki, Steve noted.

"I seem to be atypically resistant to dying." Loki straightened. "I will try to remember more later." His mind felt filthy.

"Does it pain you?" Thor brushed hair away from his brow. It was wetting down a little.

"No. But it is not pleasant." How close Thanos was to Loki, in many ways. Perhaps, what Loki would have been without Thor.

"He's not a pleasant dude," Tony agreed.

"You probably saved a lot of lives by resisting him," Steve said. "Imagine what he could have done with your full potential. Not just New York would have been laid waste."

"I could have killed a lot more is an interesting concept of comfort, Captain." Loki grinned. Excessively.

Steve shrugged. "I figured, if anyone, you'd be one to appreciate it."

"That’s a fair point." And Loki did.

"Well." Tony stood. "This is as far as I'm going without alcohol."

"Uh, Tony?" Stuart half-rose, suddenly acutely aware of the informality. "Could I talk to you... in the lab for a moment?"

Thor tried not to smirk.

"Yeah." Tony had hoped to brace himself first, but - yeah, this was better, in the long run. Have this talk with a clear mind. Drink after to try to blunt it. "You all take whatever you want."

Steve rose, glancing at Thor and Loki. Thor still seemed like a shield around his... was it wrong to say brother, considering?

"The good stuff is in the bar," Tony told him. "We'll meet you there." He followed Stuart.

Stuart walked quickly. He'd chosen the lab because it seemed plausible, yes, but also because it wasn't too far enough a walk for him to chicken out on the way.

"I wanted to speak with you, too," Tony sighed, following. And it was in his nature to procrastinate people stuff. Feelings stuff.  Procrastinate marrying Pepper until after she was gone.

Stuart nodded. The lab door opened to his touch. He'd never given that much thought, but now it weighed a little heavily on him; Tony had keyed it to his prints. He trusted him so implicitly.

"I needed to talk to you. About... what I did. But you can go first, if you want." Tony waved. Weak, when it came to this stuff, as always.

"All right." Stuart leaned against one of the worktables. "How you said it - what 'you did' - I really liked what you did.” What they did, really. “You know. But..."

Blew you. Sucked your dick. "But?"

"You..." Just go for it. "You really like me, don't you?"

Well, that wasn’t a one-word answer. The one word was yes, but it lacked key context. "Stuart, you're smart and beautiful and fun and I adore you. But I have... A lot of baggage. Too much for domestic flights. Matched set." Way too much for a young pair of shoulders.

"Yeah. It just seemed like, I dunno. Maybe I'm wrong, and I'm sorry if I am, but I don't think I can be what you need me to be for you."

"No. And you shouldn't. You'd be fucked in the head if you were." Tony pulled in a careful breath. "Is that what you brought me here to say?"

"Yeah, I didn't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm really sorry. I know I lead you on."

"Uh, no, I'm the one who took you to bed, you know." Tony noted. "What brought on the revelation? Don't get me wrong, it's the right one, I'm just curious."

"Just... how you were with me. It was nice and all, but I sort of felt..." He shrugged. "It felt wrong."

Tony crossed his arms and nodded. "You're smart, you know. Really smart. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Stuart smiled and blushed. "You really are too nice to me.”

"No, I'm not. I had a lot of stuff given to me, growing up, and you didn't. That's going to change. You have a place in this lab, whenever you want, and a ride through college. You don't have to touch my dick, it's just the right thing to do."

Stuart had a quip about not minding the whole touching thing when the words hit him. He stared. "You can't mean that."

"I can. It's pretty nominal in the grand scheme of things, and it will have a massive return, I'm thinking. Oh! Also! Right thing to do."

"You really don't need to do that. I liked what we did; you don't owe me anything." This couldn't be real. It wasn't happening.

"No. This has nothing to do with what's in there," he pointed to Stuart's pants, "and everything to do with what's in there." He pointed at Stuart's head.

"You've already given me so much." He couldn't start crying. What would that look like? Shit, was he already doing it?

"It’s... really not much. Can I give you a hug?”

"It's everything." Stuart pulled him into a crushing hug.

Tony hugged him back, tightly. “I do love you, kid. That’s not changing.”

"I love you too." He tried not to sniffle.

"It’s okay. This whole thing about guys not crying is bullshit.” Tony hugged him tightly. Tony never could manage it, but he wasn’t exactly the poster child for mental health. He envied guys who could.

"Good, because it's happening right now."

Tony stroked his close-cropped hair. “Take all the time you want. The supers can wait.”

"I don't mind them seeing me like this." He clung to Tony a little, though. "You're the best thing that happened to me. I mean that."

"In some ways, I’m glad, but in some ways, you really should have higher standards. Here’s to that comment changing in the future.” Tony rubbed his back.

"I doubt it." Stuart pulled back, and kissed him. Gently.

Tony sucked in his lower lip for a moment after the kiss broke, tasting the remnants of Stuart. “You’re good at that.”

Stuart laughed. "I have no idea why; I haven't had much practice."

"You’re a natural in a lot of things.” Tony squeezed his arm.

"We're good?"

"Yeah. Just always be honest with me, okay? We’ll always be good if you do. And I’ll try to do the same.” That was a toughie, but he owed it to more than just Stuart to try. Things that seemed obvious to him - weren’t always, to other people? It made his head hurt.

"Yeah. Of course."

"Come on, then, Beef Stu, let’s join the others.”

"I like that name."

"Oh, you’ll get tired of it.” Tony slung an arm over Stuart’s shoulders, heading back towards the bar. “Just ask Point Break.”

"What's Point Break?"

"Damn, I feel old.”

* * *

“Our Stuart must be off doing the right thing,” Loki noted with some regret. The culmination of Loki’s first act as a _nice_ deity.

"Which you encouraged him to," Thor teased. Loki really did look miserable.

Steve politely sipped his drink. Some of Tony's blue concoction, liberally mixed with ice and seltzer. He wasn't used to intoxicants; he didn't want to end up blind drunk in this company. Especially not with Tony and... Tony.

"I’ll end up just like him,” Loki sighed, waving at Steve. “God Bless America, et cetera.”

Steve smiled, a little lop-sidedly. "It's been a while since anyone thought I was that."

"I don’t believe a word of that.” Loki fiddled with his glass of blue poison warily. Intoxication had lead him to interesting places, last time.

"Maybe it's the clean chin." He did feel more his old self. Odd how the mind worked.

"I'm disappointed in you.” Thor grinned and rubbed his own chin.

"That and the costume. You need to show your testicles to good effect to be a proper superhero, it seems. Which one of us?” He addressed the last to Thor.

"Never you, brother." Thor ruffled his hair. "All right. Sometimes you. But not this time."

Steve smiled, a little uneasy. They were so comfortable. Which was nice, but almost intimidating. Gods in love.

"My hair is not your plaything. Just because you lost yours…” Loki pushed his hand away.

Oh, wasn't it? Thor would see about that, later. For now, he held his hand up apologetically.

"Thank you,” Loki ground out. He turned to Steve. “You are an excellent baker of bread.”

Steve laughed. "Why, thank you!"

"And I enjoy your city. More than Wakanda, I believe. Heat does not suit me.” It apparently got very cold here, during the winter. Loki was looking forward to that.

"It is not your nature. Though no more mine, come to that."

"I don't blame you. I'm not fond of the heat myself."

“Send the hookers home, the boss is here.” Tony’s voice preceded him through the door.

Steve giggled. Whatever the blue stuff was must be getting to him.

"Hey, somebody liked it,” Tony noted, walking through the door. “You two haven’t had enough to drink,” he told the two nonhumans. He let go of Stuart reluctantly, heading to the bar to make drinks for the two of them. They had talked, they had worked through it, nobody had died. He felt positively giddy.

“I have given away enough personal revelations for one evening,” Loki noted. No, he would not get as drunk as he had before.

Thor snorted. Jane had spoken of this so-called 'therapy'. It seemed everyone was having it. What good did talking ever do?

"Seriously, though, I talk a lot and a lot of it is bullshit,” Tony noted. Someone else needed to take up the slack, or he’d fill it himself. He handed Stuart a weak drink.

"Don't sell yourself short." Steve held up his glass.

"I actually am the shortest one here. That’s depressing. We need Clint.” Tony mixed a stronger drink for himself.

"Where is Clint?" Steve looked around, immediately feeling silly. Like the man was hiding behind the sofa.

"Out of house arrest. Mad at me.”

"Ah."

"He would be a great asset in our efforts," Thor suggested.

“Then Steve should go talk to him. Alone.” Tony leaned on the bar.

"I can do that."

"When? Pride is in two days. Blondie here is the guest of honor.” Tony jerked a thumb at Thor’s massive bulk.

"What, really?" Thor? Well... Steve glanced quickly at Loki. It made a certain kind of sense.

"Because of all of the help he’s been giving cleaning up and building. Not because he’s… well, he and his brothersisterwhatever transcend our mere mortal categories.”

"Oh. Right." Steve looked down into his drink. He was never going to get the hang of modern society. Certainly not with aliens thrown into the mix.

"And you?” Loki asked Steve, both stirring and cooling his drink with a finger.

"Me... what?"

Thor gave Loki a mildly warning look.

"I thought we were having a therapy session,” Loki told Thor archly.

“Leave the nice man alone,” Tony told his drink. “Or I’ll ask Thor to tell your embarrassing stories from childhood.”

"Oh, there are plenty. One time, he turned me into a frog."

"That wasn't embarrassing for me, brother!" Loki snorted.

"It was when we caught you."

Steve narrowed his eyes. Were they serious?

"Well." Loki looked at his drink. "You never did have to give Sif much incentive to catch me. Even taking the form of a rabbit did not soothe her, and she loved rabbits so."

"Most people don't enjoy being turned into animals, Loki. At least not against their will."

"Wait, you can do that to other people?" Stuart leaned forward from the side of the bar.

Loki frowned thoughtfully. "It has been some time..."

"Not me," Tony said quickly. "I was the guinea pig earlier, I'm not going to be a literal one right now.”

"It can be most pleasant to inhabit the mind of an animal for a brief time," Loki protested.

"Why not?" That actually sounded peaceful. Steve put his drink down.

"Excellent." Loki grinned, more confident outside than inside. It was so easy when it was him. He felt the animal, saw it clearly in his mind, every hair, every enhanced sense. But Steve... now, this was a challenge. He couldn’t fully remember how this worked, just that it had worked, in the past - far in the past. What form to take, how to make Steve take it? Loki put his hand on the man's face - and unexpectedly knew, so clearly, all of it. The correct form, the one the man’s body wanted to take, if he only pushed it - like this. Large, hairy, four-legged, meaty paws, a powerful muzzle. A big mastiff looked up at him, tail wagging, eyes oddly the same blue as the human’s.

"Wow." Tony stepped close. "Wow." It… made far more sense than it should. That really was Steve.

Friend! Happy friend, lots of friends. Best friend right here, here! Clear, bright thoughts, uninhibited feelings. Like a soothing calm rushing over his mind. Steve nudged Tony's hand, urging him to pet him.

"Woah," Stuart stared.

"Well, this is different." Tony hesitantly scratched behind Steve’s ears. The pleasing, gently musky animal smell was, again, oddly Steve.

"As I said, it can be a valuable alternative perspective."

Good, safe, happy friend! Steve gave a contented yip.

"I could get used to this." Tony bent over to scratch his belly, and Steve licked him. He yelped, grinning, pulling away and straightening, rubbing at the wet tickle on the side of his face.

Was this adorable or perverted, Loki wondered. Perhaps both. He approved.

"He's still him though, right?" Stuart was staring, fascinated.

"Absolutely." The dog jumped up and put both paws on Tony's chest. Tony grinned again and scratched its head with both hands, behind the ears. This, Loki decided, was the ideal time to reinforce that absolutely by changing Steve back to his normal form.

Steve was still laughing when... he had no words to the describe this. The world did not so much come into focus as slip sideways and he realized he had not been laughing, but wagging his tail, but his current brain had no context for the emotion driving that. He looked at Tony, grinning, patting his chest. "Wow."

"Yeah." Steve was a few inches from his face, his hands on Tony's chest. That was different. Tony let the hands that had suddenly been ruffling the man's hair fall to his sides. "That was something."

Let them experience a little confusing sexual attraction. Loki took a triumphant sip of his drink.

"Maybe you are just a little evil," Thor muttered in his ear, his lips brushing it.

"Excellent." Loki watched Tony try to feign insouciance. It was a dance he knew well.

"What did it feel like?" Stuart almost ran up to Steve, stopping himself just short of touching his arm to see if he was real.

Tony picked up his drink again. Those eyes were quite something to find suddenly staring at you. He had been that close to them in the past, yes, but always when they were arguing or trying to kill each other. Never had he seen them so… affectionate.

"What?" Steve shook his himself out of it, pulled away from Tony's stare. "It's... hard to explain. It's a little like speaking another language."

"Like Spanish?"

"Well, yeah. But like your whole body is speaking a different language."

"I dunno, man," Tony said, "I speak Spanish, and I've never grown a tail."

"Do the Spanish have tails?" Thor wasn't following.

"None of the ones I've seen naked... this conversation is getting weirder than usual, fast." Tony drained his drink.

"Imagine playing hide and seek with a shape-shifter. We had some interesting childhood games."

"I'll bet that comes in handy though." Steve pulled his shirt back into place, trying to avoid Tony's eyes. "You must be able to get into places other people can't."

"It's tricky," Loki noted. "As you saw, you have the mind of the animal when you have that form. It makes it difficult to focus - and dishonesty does not come naturally to all animals."

"So... if you're a bug, you think like a bug." Stuart couldn't even imagine that a bug could have thoughts.

"They are not great thinkers. Male bees are not sentient enough to usefully inhabit." Loki shivered at the memory, almost a thousand years later. He had almost gotten stuck. Wasps, now - they were cunning.

"He makes a great steed," Thor said, patting Loki's back.

Stuart choked on his drink.

Loki sighed.

"Now we're getting to the embarrassing stories!" Tony noted, gleefully, pouring himself a refill.

Too personal? Thor wound an arm around Loki, half in question, half protectively.

"I'm not sure I want to hear, frankly," Steve giggled.

"We were in a hurry," Loki noted, defensively.

"A steed is a noble creature. I meant only to compliment you."

"Yeah, like I said, not sure I want to hear. And I don't think we'd need to use that against Thanos." Steve swirled his drink.

"Thank you." Loki didn't want to get into it.

"Anything else you want to get off of your chest?" Tony asked Steve. It was therapy night, after all.

"Who, me?" He was getting mildly buzzed. It had been a while. "I don't want to bring everyone down."

"I'm game." Tony jumped up and sat on the bar. Being the shortest got old.

I've been talking to the ghost of my dead friend, and I never got to tell him I loved him, and now even that's gone. Steve cleared his throat. "Honestly, you've heard most of it, Tony. I'm a bit of a mess."

"Suit yourself. This is voluntary." Tony took another drink. "I have a bad record when it comes to resolving to stop killing people," he offered.

"You save people, Tony."

Stuart looked at Steve askew. Didn't he get it?

"I wouldn't want to figure out the net. But this was the argument we had two years ago, wasn't it." Tony met Steve's eyes.

"I don't think we were having the same conversation. That was the problem."

Tony shrugged, looking down. "Water under the bridge. Rhody ripped up the Accords and pissed on them when Thanos showed up." Rhody. His conscience. How could he hold them in any regard, after that?

"I wouldn't say..." Stuart gave him a look. Steve backed down. Point taken. Give him this. "I guess we're all just trying to do the right thing."

"Yeah, and that scares me." Too many villains thought they were doing what was best. Tony was terrified of being one of them, which was the whole reason for the Accords, after all. But this wasn't the time. "Even trying to put myself out of the equation went bad." Who ever heard of a robot supervillain? But Tony had managed it.

"I beat myself up plenty, too. Wasn't all that productive in the end."

Stuart couldn't decide if he liked this guy or not. But he was leaning towards yes.

"We've beat ourselves and each other enough for now," Tony said, definitively.

They had practically forgotten anyone else was in the room. Loki wondered if he and Thor could fuck on the bar without them noticing. He slipped a hand over Thor's buttock.

Thor grinned, pressing back against his hand. "Can you steal us away from here," he whispered.

Loki squeezed. "I doubt they'd notice," he murmured.

"Well then?"

"We have had a tiring day," Loki announced. "We bid you good night."

"Yeah, sleep well," Tony said, distractedly.

Thor almost laughed. Stuart caught his eye and shrugged.

Well, they would sleep eventually. Loki pulled Thor out of the room.

"I think I might go check out those calibrations I didn't finish earlier in the lab. You have a good night." Stuart wasn't Loki, but he could see what was going on.

"Don't have to work all the time," Tony called after the kid, then polished off his drink with a sigh.

"He's taking after you."

"I really had hoped that would still mean 'drinking' and 'fucking,' by now."

"He's done at least one of those two, tonight," Steve said, carefully.

"Yeah, well. We had the talk - he won't be doing the other one with me, moving forward." Tony played with the glass.

"That's good, that you talked. But I'm sorry. I can tell you like the kid."

"He's very likeable. He's everything I'm not. He's idealistic and optimistic and thinks there's good in everyone."

"That..." Steve tasted the words like he did his drink, "actually sounds a lot like you."

"You're making my head hurt." Tony slid off of the bar and topped off his drink. "I still need to get Shuri's gifts from you, at some point."

"We'll look them over together. She left some instructions in one of those balls they use, I think."

Tony snorted. "Sorry, I'm drunk. You're asking me to come back to your room and play with your balls."

"Not drunk enough for that." Steve held his glass out for a refill.

"I thought you wanted me to tie you up and punch you." Tony refilled Steve's drink carefully from the special bottle. It was getting low; he hadn't been expecting three supers. He'd have to brew up some more.

"Really just the last one." Did that sound enough like a joke?

"I've done that, it's fun enough - but only in the context of..." Tony shrugged. Why be coy, now? "Sex."

"Did you like it?" The liquid burned his tongue.

"Sex? It's fantastic. You should try it."

"I'd like to."

"Are you propositioning me in a very noble, All-American, roundabout way?" Please.

Steve sighed. "I'm not in a position to do anything. You know what I was going to say, earlier?"

"Tell me what you were going to say earlier, Steve," Tony sighed.

"I know you don't want to hear about it, but I... after... everything. Bucky stayed with me. I kept seeing him. I talked to him. It was like he was there."

Tony cocked his head, tried to process it, started to talk, then stopped. "You had Loki make an illusion of him for you?"

"No. I just... saw him. Like he was there. Always. I know he wasn't, really. My way of coping. I guess."

"Hallucinating," Tony hazarded. This was serious. It put all of his thoughts of sex into perspective.

"If you want to call it that. He was always there though. He was there when you showed up in Wakanda. Nearly laughed his ass off when I told you I was baking bread. If you think you're snarky, you should hear him. And then..." He took a hefty swig.

"That makes sense. A lot of sense. It was a pretty intense experience." Tony sighed, fiddling with his glass. Hallucinations. Wanting Tony to beat him up. Shit. Steve needed more help than Tony could provide.

"No, but that's just it. One day... after I spoke to you on the phone, actually, he was gone." He looked up. "He's gone, now."

"You were off your tits on Wakandan drugs, weren't you?"

"Yeah." He'd considered that. That he'd done it to himself. Fitting, wasn't it?

"I'm an engineer, Steve. I have nothing to help with brains. But Shuri - she does." And Steve had just left there. Hadn’t she noticed? Well. She had a lot on her plate, these days.

"It's probably better this way. Isn't it?"

"I don't know, Steve. I don't know what's right and wrong when it comes to brains. Weird gray things."

"All I know is, I've missed you. I didn't come here for you to fix me, all right? That's what you think you need to do. I just want you back in my life. I want a real person back in my life, Tony."

"Why me, Steve? Why not Clint, or Thor, or whoever the hell the size-shifter was?" The one who put his filthy hands on Rhody.

"You're more important to me."

"Why?" I tried to kill your friend. You started your own Avengers.

"Because I care about you. I always have. You think I'm hung up on your dad. He was a great friend, but he's not you. You're smarter, kinder and better than he ever was."

Tony flashed a look up at Steve. "Don't say things just to make me feel better," he said, darkly. His dad. Always disappointed in him.

"Since when have I ever done that?"

"Since when have you ever hallucinated your best friend?" Tony shot back.

"I've stopped doing that now."

"Yeah," Tony stepped close, "but you did it, and all of a sudden you're being nice to me and asking me to hit you and damn near flirting with me, and it's tempting on all sorts of levels, but then I have to think that you wouldn't be the first, second, or ten thousandth guy to take a holiday from rationality after what happened."

"You..." surely not. Not Tony Stark. "You think me being nice to you and wanting you in my life is so unlikely that it's probably caused by brain damage?"

"You can't deny that it's a fair bit out of character. Me, the big man in a suit of armor."

"You... think I didn't like you?"

"Steve... I thought you hated me. Tolerated me for the Greater Good.” Tony spread his arms. “Kept me in check because you were the only one who could."

"Tony. Oh my god." Maybe it was the drink, maybe... maybe the whole damn world. All of it. Steve set his drink down. "No. It was never like that. God, is that what you thought?"

"Are you going to stand there and tell me it isn't?” Tony replied, in disbelief. “That you loved my ego, that you respect me?"

"No, your ego frustrated the hell out of me, because I respect you so much."

"It's all one. There's no 'Tony minus ego,'" he said, firmly.

"I know. Why do you think it frustrated me? I know it's a package deal."

"And you like my package. Even though it frustrates you." Nope, didn't make a lot of sense, no matter how Tony parsed it.

"I like you. I can't... how is this news to you. Am I literally the worst friend?"

"I just don't understand," Tony replied, deflated.

"I guess I am." Steve finished the rest of his drink. "Literally the worst friend."

"Trying to kill each other isn't generally the sign of a healthy relationship. I'm not an expert, but I'd consider that a red flag."

"Did you really want to kill me? Honestly?"

Tony shook his head. "No." I just wanted you to get out of the way.

"Well, I neither did I."

Tony rubbed his eyes tiredly with the back of his hand. "Felt like it."

"Felt like you did, too."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." Steve grabbed his shoulder.

"Want to see the scar on my ass?" Tony asked, managing a half-smile.

"If that's how you flirt, I'm surprised you got as much action as you did."

"I'm rich." And honestly, he hadn’t gotten as much action as it was generally believed he did. Drunk, high, and rowdy, yes; fucking, not so much. The morning after was too often just painfully awkward. But Obadiah had told him that playboy was a critical image to cultivate, and it seemed to have worked well enough.

"I don't trust rich people."

"Then you don't trust me," Tony noted. What else was new?

"I also don't like absolutes." Steve grinned. "Or making things easy for you."

"You're set on the last one. Doing great on that goal."

"Dammit, Stark. What's a guy got to do around here to get kissed by you?"

"Ask for it." Tony dropped his glass and grabbed Steve's smooth, sharp cheeks, kissing him hungrily. This felt right in a way that made no sense. Hadn’t he just been telling himself that Steve needed mental health help? Well, Tony wasn’t a great friend - they had just figured that out, too.

Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Steve leaned into the kiss desperately, grabbing Tony's head in both hands. He opened wide, glad to at least know what he was doing when it came to this. Never, ever tell Tony his dad was the one who taught you this.

The second virgin he had kissed this week. Don't make a habit of it, he noted to himself. He moved one hand to Steve's buttock, grabbing it.

That just felt good in a way Steve couldn't credit. He whimpered, pressing close.

Tony explored every last nook of Steve's mouth. Some part of his mind noted that even a remnant of that special alcohol could have profound effects, but he didn't care.

Jesus, he was hard. Wanting. There was a chair somewhere. Behind him? Steve walked backwards and tried to pull Tony with him.

Not as strong as Thor, but that wasn’t saying much. There was no denying him. Tony stumbled with the pull.

Yes. Steve fell down into it, pulling Tony into his lap. He gasped for breath, pulling his shirt open at the collar.

Tony ripped fiercely at Steve's shirt. He hadn't realized how much he needed this. Kissing Stuart had been amazing, but this - this was like air. Necessary, explosive when too-long denied.

A deep and primal sound came out of Steve's mouth, stifled by Tony's lips and tongue. He arched his chest, wanting more, craving it.

Buttons popped and fell on the floor. Steve's chest was exposed, and Tony ran his hands over it greedily. Perfect, smooth, muscled. He grabbed a nipple.

"Jesus. Please. Please." Steve had no idea what he was asking for. Just more, and now, and please, and yes.

Please what? Please bite my nipple? Tony gave it a try.

Steve yowled. He bit his hand. Too loud. But god, how could he not? It felt like raw pleasure on his nerves.

"Your room," Tony panted, licking that warm, firm nipple. "Good soundproofing.”

"Yah." They might need it.

Tony stood, tugging at Steve. He could never budge the man without his suit, so it was all a suggestion, but Steve seemed to follow it, letting Tony handle him like a toy. “You looked good as a dog." And he was acting like one right now, come to that. Heeling happily as they hurried down the corridor.

"It was so easy. I just loved you."

"Yeah, but you're going to have to be human for me to want to do anything I'm planning on doing from here on out." Tony pushed open the door. "Well. Human-ish."

"What you see is what you get," Steve panted.

"Then get in. I'm down to see a little more."

Steve got in. Should he take off his pants? How did this work?

There was no good way to do this, so Tony got it out of the way as quickly as possible. He sat on the edge of the bed and took care of the unsexy bastards. Shoes and socks, off.

OK. Was that a thing? Just sitting down and politely undressing? Made sense, really. Steve did the same, stashing his socks neatly into the shoes.

Painfully neat, always, wasn’t he? Tony jumped to his feet. "The rest can be sexy. Those aren't." He held out his arms.

"Uh." Steve took an uncertain step forward.

Tony sighed. They hadn’t really talked about anything beyond generalities, had they. "I want to kiss you. I want to blow you. Maybe a little more, but I'll ask before I do anything, okay?"

"You don't have to ask. Anything is fine."

"That's not how it works," Tony said, sharply. "I don't do anything you don't like, and vice versa."

"All right. Of course I won't. Never."

"It's important, you know?" Tony stepped close and put his hands on Steve's hips.

"I know. I get that."

Tony kissed him again, pushing his shirt off of those ridiculous shoulders.

More kissing. He knew how to do that. Steve started to undo his pants; they were getting uncomfortable.

Tony grabbed Steve's hands, pushing them away. He unfastened the other man's pants himself, pulling them open and pushing down, rubbing at the bulge in his underpants.

Oh God. Yes. Steve whimpered, pushing into the touch. His underwear must be wet. Would Tony notice? Would it matter?

"Super everywhere, aren't you?" Tony noted admiringly. Should be be bothered by the thought of his dad taking Official Measurements? No, don’t think about that. He wouldn’t have sex for a month. He pushed Steve's underwear down to distract himself. Falling to his knees let him get pants and underwear to the other man's ankles, and also that dick into his mouth. Not all of it. He had limits.

"I was alw-" Steve yelled, clutching at Tony's shoulders. How could it feel like that?

Carefully. Tony pulled out slightly, then pressed a little deeper. Who ever would have thought he'd enjoy this so much? Yes, he liked doing it to women, a lot, but this - was a bit different. Still heady, still fantastic.

"Tony..." The sight of his mouth on him. He was enjoying it. Loving it. Steve sucked in a labored breath.

Tony pulled away slightly. "S'okay?" He held Steve's hips tightly.

"Please don't stop. That's... Please. More..." Steve's mouth hung open. He was shivering.

Well, that was the PSA definition of enthusiastic consent, wasn't it! And Tony should know, he wrote the script for that PSA. And Steve had surely given a few kids a thrill when they saw it. Tony grinned and dove back in.

"I want you in me." Yes. That sounded about right.

Did he, now. Well, start small. Tony stuck some fingers into his mouth alongside Steve's dick. He was slobbering enough to get the whole area wet.

"That's so good." He would come. In Tony's mouth. The idea was almost enough to make it happen.

"Mmm." Tony said, his voice muffled with a mouthful of dick. He moved his fingers around and rubbed them over Steve's hole.

"Yes," Steve whimpered. He tried to push back against the hand. He spread his cheeks wider with both hands.

That was clear enough. Tony slipped a finger inside, into his warm, velvety embrace.

"... Fuck." Steve would have come right away, if not for the surprise and tension.

Tight. A little too tight. Tony worked his finger gently in and out as he sucked.

"You're... I'll come. You'll make me come!" Any second.

Good. Tony bobbed faster, still working that finger.

He didn't yell. He just fell forward, supporting himself on Tony, clinging to him. Pleasure took him in staccato waves, his whole body shivering.

Tony learned something new about ejaculate with super strength behind it. He fell back, his finger coming out, choking from a rather forcible injection of come.

"Jesus!" Steve stared, shell-shocked and shook. "Tony?"

Tony hacked and spat. "You come hard," he wheezed.

"Oh... Oh my God." Steve leaned down. He should help; how could help? Had he done this? Oh god, he’d broken Tony! "Are you OK?"

"Yes! Just not expecting that." Suddenly, Tony started laughing uncontrollably.

Steve's head was blessedly empty and his muscles ached from relaxing, properly, for the first time in weeks. He heard himself laughing, quietly, leaning against Tony.

"Can you imagine shooting down Chitauri skimmers with that!" Tony wheezed. When had he last laughed? Could he even remember? It hurt.

"Tony!" Steve buried himself in his neck, blushing furiously.

"If that's your limit," Tony hugged him, "you're going to have a long night."

"I have no idea what I'm doing!"

"That's okay, we'll figure it out." Tony nudged him in the direction of the bed.

Steve fell down on it, staring up. Half of Tony was in view, but it was a good half. Well, they were both good halves.

There was a serious clothing discrepancy. Tony pulled off his T-shirt, balling it up and shooting it, NBA style, towards the hamper in the corner. He allowed himself a little fist-pump when it went in.

Steve was the one laughing now, hard and uncontrollably. "God, I've missed you. I don't know why, but so help me I have."

"You'll laugh harder in a second." Self deprecation wasn't Tony's preferred style, but it had its place. Especially given the discrepancy. He undid his jeans, pushing them and his underpants off. His penis waved hello as he moved.

"Why?" Steve stared, sitting up on his elbows for a better view.

"Joke. Humor." Tony turned slightly. "I wasn't joking about my ass, though." A puckered white scar marked the right cheek prominently. "You could have given me a badass one, like on the chest or something, you know."

"Jesus. I did that." Steve ran a hand down it, face falling.

"Just something to remember you by." Tony stuck out his ass Monroe-style, grinning.

"I'd rather give you something else."

"And what would that be, Mrs Robinson?" Tony wiggled closer.

Sex was very different to what Steve had expected. But in a lot of ways, that was just as well. "You're the expert." He raised an eyebrow.

Tony cut his act, turning and flopping on the bed next to Steve. "Just a motivated amateur. Go ahead, touch him, he's friendly."

Steve leaned over… him, looking first up, then down. He reached out, running a finger carefully down the shaft. Someone else’s penis. In his hand.

Tony grunted. "A little less tickly, maybe."

What the hell. Steve leaned down to lick at the head. He'd give him tickly.

"That's better." Tony put his arms behind his head and leaned back, enjoying the view.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," Steve said again, putting his lips around the head. That felt good. Steve closed his eyes, sighing.

"You're off to a good start." Almost maddeningly light, but Tony could deal while Steve got used to the idea.

Steve grinned, moving down. Firm grip with his lips. Like he'd imagined doing. To... well. This too.

"Nice view." It was. How had he never noticed how sensual those soft, beautiful lips? Well, he had been a little distracted when around Steve, generally. And not often enough in a good way.

He was never going to shut up, was he? Again, good in a way. Steve needed this to be about Tony. No one else. His cock fit nicely in his mouth, and that was pure, uncomplicated pleasure. He moaned.

"Nice," Tony sighed, staring. Really nice. Almost relaxing. Almost.

Steve looked up. This was nice and all, but he was tensing up again.

"Whatever you want." Tony wouldn't come from this, but it was - yeah, good. Sweet and relaxing.

Steve opened his mouth. Tony's penis fell wetly from it, bouncing a little on his stomach. "Fuck me," he dared, meeting Tony's eyes levelly.

"We'll give it a go." Steve had been awfully tense. Then again, Tony wasn't very big. It came in handy. He went for the hidden compartment that was in every bed he owned. Just in case.

"You asked what I want; that's what I want." Saying it had opened something up. He bit his lip, leaning over Tony.

"All right, then." Tony pulled out the bottle of lube and a condom. The condom would expire next month, he noted. Damn, his sex life was dead.

Steve closed his eyes, mouth open. He wasn't hard; he'd just come. Why did he feel like this?

Tony paused, bottle in hand. "You all right?"

Steve nodded, vigorously. "Yah." His spent cock twitched. "Want this."

"All right. Get on your back."

Steve moved as fast as his heightened reflexes would let him. He blinked, willing himself to relax.

"Jesus, you're fast," Tony noted, slicking his fingers. These little moments that reminded him that he was, in actuality, about to fuck a superhuman. He rubbed one slick finger between Steve's legs, then slipped it inside.

Steve exhaled in relief and anticipation. He spread his legs wider. Would that help? He had no idea.

Tony put a placating hand on that ridiculously muscular thigh. "Just relax." He slid in a second finger.

Steve just nodded. It didn't hurt. He pressed back to underline that point.

Nice. He sure did feel a lot less tense now. Tony spread his fingers, stretching, putting his mouth on Steve's spent dick by way of distraction.

That was good, but feeling Tony inside him was better. He sighed, shifting his hips. "I can take more."

"We have all night, you know." No need to rush, to make it crap. Three fingers, stretching. More lube. And anyway, this bit was a good bit. Like advanced foreplay.

"Have I ever struck you as patient?"

"Fair point." Neither of them were. It really wasn’t a good combination, was it? Tony kept his fingers in Steve, stretching, as he ripped open the condom package with his teeth.

Just a little bit of pain. That did it; Steve was hard again, gasping.

Oh.  Well, then. That definitely improved the view. Tony slipped the condom over his own erection, then drizzled lube on it. Old reflexes stayed with him, and he managed to not make a mess. He drizzled more lube on Steve’s entrance, then pulled his fingers out and put himself in place, pressing, gently, rocking.

"... Fuck." Just painful enough to matter. So good. He wanted to yell, but there was too much going on.

More lube. For this, there could never be too much. "How's that?" Tony panted. Damn, Steve was tight.

"More." It was all he could manage, barely that.

"Just keep talking, baby. If it's too much, say so." More lube, push in deeper. Warm and soft and tight.

Baby. Steve almost laughed. "Keep going."

Tony bottomed out with a happy sigh. He bent down and kissed Steve hard.

Amazing. Freeing. Steve pressed up into the kiss, feeling himself stretched and taken and held.

Tony moved slowly, relishing the sensation, the tight warmth, the slide of flesh on flesh, his tongue doing up top what his dick was doing below. Steve grabbed him with his arms and legs, moving with him, egging him on. Jeez, talk about impatient. Tony tried to speed up while still keeping a smooth rhythm.

Tony wanted slow? Fine. Anything. Just more of this. Steve tried to find some sort of middle ground, trying not to just push Tony in the direction he wanted to go.

"This feels amazing." Tony dove back in again. But there was something - the situation, the history - that was preventing himself from losing himself in it. He grabbed Steve's erection with his slick hand.

Steve lost himself completely. He was putty in Tony's hands; his to do with as he pleased. He groaned, pushing up against Tony.

At least Steve's joy was something to hang on to. He thrust firmly, deeply, stroking Steve.

"Please."

Well. Fake it 'til you make it. Tony sped up his thrusting and his hand.

"Yes..." Quietly. Unlike his orgasm, loud and wild, squeezing Tony inside him.

Oh, okay. This. Tony stroked hard, pressing hard and fast into Steve's tight embrace.

It didn't stop. Steve moaned at each heavy thrust, going with it, letting himself be thrown around.

Steve seemed done, so Tony dropped his erection. He was so close, just not there…

"Tony... fuck..." He was overpowered. For all intents and purposes. Steve let his head fall back, clutching at Tony, just holding on.

Tony slowed. He had gone past it, he was too tense, it was all... too much. "Done for now," he gasped, sliding out carefully.

"...what?" It felt like being pulled forcefully out of a roller coaster.

"I... need a break..." Tony fell on his back. His mind and body suddenly felt utterly, utterly drained.

"Oh. Right." Well. Here was another part of Tony's life he'd messed up. Go Steve.

"I'm old," Tony told the ceiling by way of explanation. He felt it, more and more recently. Aches that didn't go away, days he struggled to get out of bed.

"And just not that into me." He'd heard that phrase thrown around. It made sense for the first time.

Carefully, Tony rolled over and punched him in the shoulder, as hard as he could. His knuckles would hurt for days.

Steve yelped, then gasped. God. His mouth stayed open as he stared at Tony in an odd mix of fear, awe and excitement.

"Just shut up with that shit, all right?” Tony snapped, tiredly. “It's been a hell of a few months, and my brain is scrambled enough as it is."

It took all of Steve's mental capacity not to say thank you. Though if he did, Tony might hit him again. He clutched his arm instead, running his fingers gently over the spot Tony's fist impacted. He tried not to stare quite so openly.

"If you still want to..." Tony rolled back over onto his back, pulling off the condom and tossing it aside, "we can go again tomorrow." When this wasn't all so fresh. So fraught.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I did, but I upset you, and I'm sorry. We shouldn't be doing this."

Tony rubbed his face. "Good christ, dude, stop swinging from one extreme to the other. Waste of perfectly good energy."

"I'm... that's what I mean. I'm just being me. We're not speaking the same language. Still." He sighed, sitting up.

Tony looked up at him tiredly.

"I'm surprised you understand a single thing that comes out of my mouth, to be honest." You understood me when I was a dog.

"I hope I do."

"You do. You're so good to me. And I never know when something will click and I'll say or do something you don't get, or you'll say or do something I don't get, and-" he waved a hand. "Civil War." He tried to smile.

Not a bad summary, was it. "It wasn't very civil," Tony noted. "Not by the end."

"No. Stupid name for it." He very carefully touched Tony's hand, as thought it might break into a fist again at any moment. "Listen. If you still want this. Any time. Tomorrow. Six years from now. I'm here for it. And keep punching me when I mess up. Or I'll never learn." He tried the smile again.

Tony flexed his aching hand. "I'm going to run out of knuckles. Just stop saying I don't love you because I didn't come. That's some teenage shit. You're smarter than that."

Steve's face went through about fifty different expressions in turn.

"That was interesting. Do it again."

"We... we really don't speak the same language." Loved him? Tony... no. Loved him?

"I speak a little Spanish?"

"You care about me." He half expected another punch.

"Are you shocked?" Tony sat up slightly. Steve looked shocked. How could he be shocked? Wasn’t this the most obvious thing in creation?

"A little."

"Well, hell," Tony sighed. Why did Steve think he had done… everything he had done? What sort of psychopathic weirdness did Steve think he was capable of, to do all of what had happened last time while not caring for Steve more than any-fucking-body else in the world, even himself? He had to think about this some more - but dammit, not now. "Friday, turn the lights out."

Steve blinked in the sudden dark. Was this a hint for him to leave?

"We’ll talk in the morning." Tony mumbled, turning over and throwing an arm over Steve's chest.

Steve lay there for a second in utter shock. His hands came up to touch Tony's arm, just barely, settling on it, holding it closer to him. He closed his eyes. He couldn't even think about this. Slower than a melting iceberg, one that had been trying to thaw for decades, he relaxed.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Loki put his fingers on Thor's face as they stepped out of the dining room, turning it towards him and kissing him deeply. The freedom to simply _do_ this was intoxicating, and Loki intended to make good use of it. Thor picked him up, letting Loki wind his legs around his waist as he thrust his tongue deep into Loki's mouth. "So you're not tiring of me?" Loki asked, grinning, when the kiss finally broke.

"I haven't for the last ten centuries."

Loki ran his fingers slowly down Thor's stubbled cheeks. "Put me down. These garments are fine, and I do not want to damage them."

"Well. Aren't we delicate." Loki in this mood... it was a rare and delicious treat, and Thor smiled;  his cheeks nearly splitting with the joy of it.

"I care for my appearance," Loki said, haughtily.

"Don't I know it." The suit did feel good to the touch, though. And what was underneath it.

"Would you like to romance it once I have it off?"

"I wouldn't mind you keeping it on, a little."

"We all have disappointments." Loki pulled away, back to his own feet, walking down the hall.

Thor laughed, following. He adored seeing Loki back to his senses, but that also meant a unique pleasure; getting to drive him from them.

Loki stepped into their room, unbuttoning his jacket and removing it, hanging it carefully. "Midgardian finery has its appeal."  He did not realize their formal dress came in such an array of subtle colors. It opened up new avenues of exploration. He tossed his tie on the bed.

Thor draped himself over Loki, pulling the shirt out of the pants. Not as roughly as it appeared; he knew Loki cared for it.

"Barbarian," Loki sniffed, unbuttoning the shirt, acting unmoved.  It was such a pleasure to inspire others to strong emotion - _any_ strong emotion - and appear to be free of it himself.  This emotion in particular, though, and in Thor, was a special flavor of pleasure.

"Stop exciting me, then." Thor ran his hands up under the back of the shirt. "You know I can just tear this right off you. Don't make me."

"It will come off, in good time." Loki slid out of it, trying to reach the closet to hang it up.

Thor let him go, picking up the tie Loki had carefully left on the bed. "This is an excellent material." Flexible. Strong.

Loki paused, hands on his fly. "Isn't it, though," he noted, trying to keep his face neutral.

"I expect you wouldn't want this damaged, either." He twisted it in his hands, tugging at it gently.

"It is a fine tie." Loki let the illusion on his skin and hair dissolve, stepping out of his trousers and underwear.

"Then you'll have to be careful." Thor pulled Loki's hands behind his back and wound the tie around his wrists.

"And you are not weary of this yet, either?" Loki had already been hard, but now his cock strained against his stomach.

"This, we've only done once before, dear one." A simple knot. It would not damage the fabric if Loki did not struggle too hard against it.

"When Valkyrie had bound me, and you found me..." Loki sighed. Wasted opportunities.

"Yes? What of... _oh_." There was a scene he would be replaying in his mind, now. Again and again.

"I thought you would have noticed." Loki caught Thor's eye over his shoulder. How hard he was.

"Noticed what?" Thor kissed his neck, looking down. He thirsted for him.

"How... I was, from the tying up, when you came in. Instead, you threw things at me."

"I had other things on my mind." Not now. He pressed Loki close to, letting him feel to which degree he was not distracted, now. His hands were flush against Thor's groin.

"As did I," Loki sighed, his bounds hands moving gently against Thor's prick. A more recent memory came to him, of a time he was loath to remember. "Valkyrie is alive yet."

"We will find her." A distraction of the unwelcome kind. Thor fell away a little.

"The ship... split. She remained on the other half." Loki sighed, closing his eyes, digging for something that... wasn't there. "All of the schemes we made... I cannot fully recall, yet."

Thor turned him around. "You will." He kissed his head. "You've come back to me. Anything is possible."

"If she is expecting me to do something, I'm running substantially late," Loki noted.

"You will get there. I will help you."

"Help me now, then."

"How?"

"What's worked so well so far, brother. Your magical member." Loki's lip curled upwards.

Thor rolled his eyes. "Can you never be serious?" His lips belied his words.

"Of course not."

All he was wearing was a grey t-shirt and dark jeans. Loki hated it, which was a fun thought. "I think I'll keep this on." The room was nice and cool.

"So I must be naked, and not you?" Loki frowned down at Thor with irritation.  Thor looked good naked!

"You're the one who undressed." Thor fell to his knees, grinning up.

"And I looked better in my clothing than you. Pity," Loki replied, archly.

"I disagree." Thor ran his tongue all the way up Loki's cock, swallowing the head.

Loki gasped, snarky rejoinder forgotten.

Thor needed this. Hard in his mouth, smooth against his tongue, tasting of Loki. He swallowed it all.

"Norns," Loki whimpered. Was this love, truly? Did it mean Thor would keep him?

Deeper. Just to feel his lips around the shaft, the way the skin moved. He sighed, opening his belt.

"Thor." Nothing felt like this. Bound. Safe.  And it was only because it was _Thor_.

_His_. Thor pushed them back against the bed, walking on his knees.

Loki stumbled backwards, falling into a seated position on the bed.

Thor pulled his legs apart, bracing himself on Loki's thighs as he worked his mouth.

"Uh," Loki moaned.  "If only you'd known I wanted this earlier..."  Back when they slept together as brothers.

When they'd shared a bed as teens, Loki claiming fear of the dark, and Thor too excited at having him close to consider further. There was a thought. Thor moaned, running a finger between Loki's legs and down to his hole.

"I was never afraid of the dark," Loki gasped.  It had simply been the easiest lie, for a boy still learning how to lie _well_. "I love the dark."

And he had looked delectable in the dark. Letting Thor hold him. Soothe him. Thor breached him, easily.

"Uh," Loki moaned. "I just wanted you close. Wanted me for my own. Didn't want anyone else to have your nights." Even if Thor didn't want to fuck him. Greedy, possessive - yes.

Thor pulled away. "I wanted you."

"I never knew. I thought you loved girls. I just wanted to keep them away from you, at night. I spied on your dates." Not that he was able to do anything about them; if he had disrupted their couplings with seiðr, Thor would have killed him.

"I noticed you, once." With Sif. He'd gotten just a little bit of a kick out of it. Made more sense now. He worked his finger. Slowly.

"Urh... I thought you would have killed me if you had seen me."

"Why?" Deep. Another finger.

"I was an _intrusive jealous busybody with no life of my own_." Yelled at him in anger.

"I'm sorry. I loved you." Thor kissed his neck.

"Then why didn't you have me?" Loki whimpered.

"Didn't know. Sorry."

"I never wanted anyone but you."

"You have me." Enough of this. Thor pulled out, pushing Loki roughly full onto the bed, following. He tore his shirt off over his head.

"Show me." Loki watched Thor's ridiculous torso emerge. He wanted to eat it. But he needed to _know_. To feel it, to feel that want so deeply that he couldn't doubt it anymore.  It might not be possible, but he had to try anyway.

"Is this what you want?" He undid his trousers, penis straining out of it the moment his fly was open.

"Yes," Loki breathed, staring at it. The physical pleasure and pain, yes, but also the knowledge that _he_ had made Thor feel that way.

Thor leaned down further, as in challenge, leaning his cock just on the tip of Loki's chin.

Loki worked his mouth. It was too far away.

The _need_ in him. Thor moved up further, brushing himself against Loki's lips.

Loki lapped at the head, then pulled it into his mouth with a sigh, relishing the feel, the taste, the ludicrous _size_ of it.  It was all so perfectly Thor.  Excessive, over the top, yet warm and soft over that indestructible center...

"You want that in you?" To hear it. Again and again!

"Mm hmm," Loki said around his mouthful.

Thor giggled. Stupid question. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Mmph!"

"All right, all right..." He pulled away and off the bed, pulling his trousers off completely.

A little bridge of saliva spanned his lip to Thor's prick, then snapped.  "I thought I wanted it before I had it. I want it more now."

"You have a taste for me." As Thor did for him.

"For and of," Loki agreed. "I did not realize _God of Hammers_ was a euphemism."

"Never doubt that I love you." Thor grinned, grabbing the nearest bottle from the table. They were all odorless and usable now. Sometimes he worried about Tony.

"I doubt," Loki noted.  "Always." It was critical for survival.

"Not always." If Thor was any judge... He slicked himself up, bringing the bottle, settling between Loki's widely spread legs.

Loki exhaled with relief.  So close. So close to having blessed relief from _thinking_ about everything too much!

"Now?"

"Yes, damn you to Helheim and back!"

"As you command." Thor lifted his hips and pressed into him.

The noise Loki made was quiet and guttural, but deep and primal, pained and pleasured, needy and fulfilled.  Every contradiction that was Thor was in it.

"Gods..." He had to halt a second to catch his breath.

"Yes," Loki whimpered.  They were gods, once.

Thor tried to move. They fit, so perfectly. He grunted as he buried himself, staring into Loki's eyes.

"Why does this fit so perfectly?" Loki gasped. He did not believe in fate.  He had visited often with the Norns, after all, and found them to be nothing more than gossipy old women.  They did not _arrange_ things like this.

"Because you belong to me. As I belong to you."

"You believe in that," Loki gasped.  Thor always had been a traditionalist.  A _romantic_.

"It's true. We _make_ it true."

"Then mark me." But Thor did not have the seiðr!

Thor bit his shoulder, holding little back. It was but a temporary mark. But still, it was a gesture, an intent, a sweet burst of pain. Loki sighed, his eyes fluttering closed.

"Soon," Thor panted in Loki's ear.

"I will teach you," Loki whimpered as Thor slid impossibly deep. "If you wish."

"Please." Tight. Deep. He wanted Loki's arms around him.

Loki put his legs around Thor's waist. "I will." Teaching Thor seiðr. Now that was a challenge greater than returning from the dead.

"I love you."

"Need you." 'Love' just sounded so airy to Loki's ears.  So _optional_.

"Yes." The potent part of love; the need that sought to overwhelm him. Thor thrust harder, sliding them both up the smooth sheets.

Loki grunted as his head hit the headboard. He spread his legs wide, trying to get Thor _deeper._

Thor yelled, lifting Loki higher, bearing down as he thrust.

Loki cried out. That change in angle pressed Thor's erection against his insides in a magnificent way, and he was crying out with every thrust.

"Loki...!" Thor gasped. His eye flashed, the false one with it.

Loki yelled and twitched. Terror and pleasure clashed in him. Thor's power seethed just below the surface.

Tame lightening brushed his skin, painlessly. It reached for Loki, asking, wanting. _Ours?_

Loki cringed away from the blue sparks, shivering with fear.   _This_ sort of power had no love for him, nor he for it.

_Ours_ , Thor agreed. "It's all right." The light reached out and touched him. Caressed Loki's pale, shivering body.

Easy for the God of Lightning to say.  Loki whimpered, eyes closed, as the blue lightning tickled his skin, like the hot breath of a wolf deciding whether or not you were worth the effort of eating.

"It knows you and I are one."

"One," Loki managed, shivering.  But he was not Thor, and surely the powers that heeded his brother would not find him one to defer to...

"It is me." Thor thrust harder again, the lightning hugging them both. "It is us."

"Us," and between the pleasure and the pain and the terror, some small subset of the walls, forts, and turrets that Loki had built crumbled, and he had a brief glimpse of Thor, of him, of _them_.  He cried out again, in a different sort of terror.

The lightning surged, and Thor yelled as he came, power filling them both.

Loki's orgasm felt forced out of him by Thor's. He cried out again, screaming, the tie ripping as he grabbed at Thor.

Too far, Thor gasped, the flickers of power and light dying, clutching Loki to him.

Loki held Thor desperately tightly, his fingers digging into the Aesir's skin. He felt like he was falling through the Void again, leaving everything he knew behind.

"Loki?" Hel. He'd pushed too far. "Stay with me."

"Stay..." Loki gasped, clinging desperately, shaking with the aftershocks of orgasm and horrifying insight.

"Stay." Thor embraced him, gently, holding him.

"H....hel." Loki blinked and swallowed.  The bed was real, and solid. Thor, too.

"I'm here." Thor kept stroking his back.

"Here. Yes." Loki drew a deep breath, relaxing his grip.

"I'm sorry...."

"That was intensely...." Words failed Loki.  He exhaled.

"...bad?" Thor worried?

"No." Loki took a deep breath.  He didn't have the words for that degree of existential terror.  "A moment of silence for that lovely tie, however."

"Oh gods, I'm sorry!" He genuinely was. Loki had adored it.

"If past patterns are anything to go by, Tony will provide us with more appropriate restraints in our absence."

"I'm glad it did not hold. I wanted you near me."

"You were inside of me, Thor. I could hardly be closer," Loki noted.

"I like your hands," he muttered.

"You do?" Loki looked at Thor with interest.  "Tell me more." A welcome distraction.

"About your hands?"

"What you like about them."  Loki ran said hands up Thor's neck. "What you want me to do with them."

Thor sighed, closing his eyes. "They are slender and strong and powerful. That you want to touch me with them."

Loki made a noise just a little bit like a contented cat.  "I do." He ran them down Thor's massive chest.

"It makes me believe you want me."

"You don't believe that already?" Loki's hands brushed Thor's nipples.  "Everything I've done lately has been for you." It was only slight exaggeration.

"I like to hear it. See it." Feel it.

"Really," Loki said, thoughtfully.  "All the time. Even after I have already."  Died for him, more than once.

"Yes." Thor leaned into the touch. "Don't stop."

"I need you."  His fingers traced the bumps of Thor's stomach.

"You just had me." Thor fell back on his back, letting Loki play.

Loki straddled him. "I'll need you again."

"You have me. Always."

"I'll keep taking." Loki ran his hands back up Thor's chest, relishing the contradiction of vibranium-hard muscle under suede-soft skin.

"Good." Thor bent his knees, pressing his groin closer to Loki's ass.

"When _I_ want." Loki grinned with the internal joke. He _always_ wanted.

"I'm yours to take." Thor smiled up at him.

"I can be whatever you want, you know. I can look like whatever - whoever - you want."  It was important to note this. Thor would not be limited by boredom.

Thor tilted his head. "What else would I want?"

And that was what Loki was dying to know.  Figuratively, for once. "I don't know. If you get bored, or curious. Just keep it in your mind."

"I thoroughly messed up your female form." He had enjoyed that, though. The form, not the messing up.

"Let us not abandon all hope after a single incident." If that was what Thor needed, Loki would make it happen. He would not stand for Thor to have anyone else.

"Only if _you_ want it. _This_ pleases me." He ran his hands up Loki's waist to his chest. " _T_ _his_ excites me."

"This?" Loki asked, curiously.

"This body. Your body."

They were both his body, really.  But that was a discussion for another time.  "Good." Where Loki was concerned, that was not a trite sentiment. He sighed. "I will teach you seiðr. Starting tomorrow."

"I am a terrible student."

"I know that well." Loki rubbed his forehead with exasperation.

"Could you teach me to change my body, should it not please you?"

"Your body always pleases me," Loki said, dismissively.  _He_ had taken no other lovers, after all.

"I could regrow my hair?"

"I prefer it as you have it now."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but you are so _easy_ , brother!"

"I will work on it, Odinsson." Loki leaned down and bit his neck. "I have a reputation to uphold."

"You reclaimed that name. Do you remember?"

Loki frowned. "No. Some gaps in my memory remain."

"It was a fine speech. Your best, in my view."

"Remind me of it, then." Loki squeezed Thor between his thighs.

"Prince of Asgard, you called yourself."

"To whom was I giving this wondrous speech?" Loki had his suspicions.

"To Thanos, in defiance." Thor ran his hands up Loki's thighs.

"He wouldn't care," Loki told Thor, puzzled. "And he knew, anyway." Why make such a speech, Loki asked his hidden, forgotten self?  It remained frustratingly mute.

"You were trying to woo him. Turn his mind."

Loki shivered. "Woo _that_? How desperate was I?" It was all a fog, a drunken blur, and Loki's attempts to penetrate the fog felt like poking a diseased, gangrenous wound.

"I should not have mentioned it." Thor leaned up to kiss him. "Let it fall back into memory."

"I want to know," Loki said stubbornly, his fingers ghosting over Thor's face. "Show me."

"No." Thor didn't move his hand. How could he deny this. "Reconsider," he said, quietly.

Loki drew himself up icily.  "You deny me my memories?"

"Never. But I fear for you."

"Why?"

"It was painful." Woefully inaccurate.

"I have gone through plenty of pain, brother."

Thor sighed. "Take it. But come back to me."

Good.  This reluctance had left Loki madly curious.  "Ready?" He put his hand firmly on Thor's face.

"Yes." He exhaled. Be what it may be.

Loki _pulled_. Viewed. Experienced. He _was_ Thor, bound, gagged, tortured - and could see, his own mind acting on what he saw through Thor's eyes, the utter pleasure Thanos took in it, his near-orgasmic delight at his brother's agony. Yes, as Thor had noted, there were words, and declarations, and none of that mattered, in this context.  Loki let it unspool before him, and drew away, taking a deep breath. "Excuse me for a moment," Loki said with icy calm, letting his form shift, chosen before he realized it. The wasp. Loud and angry and swift, armed with poison, screaming out of the door, through the halls, over the edge of the bar's balcony. Then a tern, tucked and sharp, plunging earthwards, like an arrow, towards the river.  The water, yes, safe to plunge towards, to skim over, to pull on his  seiðr and raise a seeming of Thanos in ice as he retook his Jotun form, punching, kicking, clawing over and over, shattering it, reforming it, shattering it again. Tearing at that smug face. _You laid your filthy hands on my brother. Caused him pain. True pain. How dare you._

Thor blinked the fog of memory away, his body struggling to keep up with the present. The pain was reformed, whole and new, and Loki was not here. Which was the dream? The weeks and days of his brother's return, days and hours of bliss taking joy in one another's bodies? Or the reality of _this_? He shuddered.

* * *

 "Sir."

"Whu?" Tony blinked, flailing sightly.

"Hey, boss. You asked me to alert you if Loki left the premises without your knowledge."

"He... You... Shitballs..." Tony staggered to his feet, fumbling for his undershirt, guided by the dull glow.

Steve stirred, uneasily. "Tony?"

"Be right back." Maybe. Tony hurried down the corridor, tugging on his undershirt, shaking his head to rouse his still-sleep-sodden brain. _Sorry, little bots, I know I'm usually wearing more clothes, but time to Iron Man up_. He slid the glass door open as the suit formed around him.  He could see _something_ happening at the river far below.

"Dammit..." Steve jumped out of bed, threw on the first pair of pants he happened to find, which was Tony's, wincing at the fit, and his own shoes by the door. Tony could fly, but Steve, in a pinch, could run almost as fast.

Steve got as far as the open balcony and swore. He couldn't jump; he could probably climb, with some effort, but it would take too long. He turned right around. He couldn't fly, but he knew a guy.

* * *

Tony shot down towards the water as the helmet snapped closed around his head.  It took a heartbeat to arrive, at maximum speed, and he threw his thrusters in front of him to brake. That was... well.  It was something. A statue of Thanos, life-sized, frighteningly detailed, made of ice? And there was Loki, in his blue form, ripping claw marks across the icy face. His hands were bleeding. "Hey, boo-berries, stand down," Tony yelled at him.

Loki turned towards him. "Leave me, you do not know my pain," he snarled.

"I kinda do, and you're making a scene."

Loki pulled in a breath.  He wasn't done, not even close to done.  "Give me a little more time."

"Nothing doing.  I have things for you to punch back at the tower."

* * *

 "Hey!" Steve kept banging on the door. "Big guy!"

It opened with the slow certainty of a glacier. Thor looked like hell. "Steve Rogers."

Back to that, now? Jesus, what had happened? "Tony rushed off, full metal mode. I don't know where he went, but he's out over the water now. I can't follow him."

Thor rushed past him, blue sparks already enveloping his naked body, which was the moment Steve noticed that particular detail. He sighed. What was his life, now?

* * *

"I can make a robot look like Thanos.  We'd have to take turns on that one, come to think."

Loki's chest heaved.  He screamed, and the ice formation shattered into a billion pieces.  They bounced off of Tony's suit with a chorus of crystalline tinkles.

The sky... Shook. Clouds gathered out of nowhere, surrounding them in a spun cocoon of mist.

"Oh hell." Tony looked up at the ominous sky.  Two angry gods in one night.

Loki ignored it, walking on a bridge of ice back to the shore.  Unsatisfied. Seething.

Thor descended through the funnel, clad only in blue flame. His white-hot eyes looked past Tony, sadly.

Tony sighed. "You guys are lucky this is New York. They'll just think it's a new Blue Man Group act."

Loki slid to a seated position with a resigned grunt.

"I was too late to shield it. I was... Not myself."

"Can we head back before he scares the humans?" Tony asked. Loki looked drained, head down, blood stark against his blue skin on hands and feet.

"I will take him." Thor floated over, settling next to him.

"He hurt you," Loki ground out. "I want to hurt him."

"Get in line," Tony interjected.

"We will."

"But we're going back first, yes?" Tony sighed, looking around nervously. It would take very little to lose the fragile trust they had built over the last weeks.  The trust that might bring Steve back into acceptance. Maybe. Perhaps.

"Come, Loki. You promised you would come back to me."

Loki looked up, sadly, lost. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right." Thor picked him up. The cold bothered him less, in this state.

Loki tucked himself into Thor's chest. Useless. He was utterly useless.

Lifting them both off the ground in a soft, disguising cloud of mist, Thor took them away.

"Street theater," Tony told the group of staring kids.  "It's a new production of The Tempest."

"Awesome," one noted, taking a puff from his vape pen.  "That's the one with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, right?"

Tony launched himself into the air, despairing gently, heading back home. 

* * *

He landed on the pad next to the Dynamic Duo. "Hey, Steve. Sorry, had to run, there. Your dick is trying to escape my jeans," he noted.  Not a bad look.

Steve rolled his eyes. Really, what had he expected? "Everything OK?"

Tony looked over at Thor, cradling his brother. "I dunno, Point Break, is it?" Loki was silent.

"It will be."

"What happened?" The armor was no longer needed, but Tony was damned if he was going to stand around naked. Even if everyone else was.

"He lived my memory of his death."

"Oh." Tony blanched. "That's a lot. Do, uh..." He looked at the pair helplessly. Like he could do shit.

"I will take care of him."

"That's..." Steve swallowed. He'd heard the story. Only once, when Thor was more out of his mind than usual. "I'm sorry."

"Need anything?" Tony asked.

"Just time, I think. Excuse me." Thor pushed past them.  "You have my thanks for a safe haven, Tony Stark." Thor met his eyes, then moved on.

"Yeah," Tony muttered, watching them leave. He rubbed his head with a helpless groan.

"I've never seen either one of them like that."

"No." Tony sighed.  "Loki went off the reservation there, a bit.  Yeah, he had good reason, but..." He let the bots dismantle his armor with some relief.

"But what?"

"But... what would he had done, if we hadn't..." Tony sighed again, grinding to a mental halt. Yeah, he really couldn't blame the guy. "Seeing himself die..." Like Tony had seen that _kid_ , looking wide-eyed at him, not understanding as he blew into dust... what had happened to Pepper, except he hadn't been there, he had left her alone... Tony slid to a seated position, heavily.

Steve sat next to him, saying nothing.

Tony thrust the heels of his hands into his eyes, shaking.  He had managed not to think about it, keeping himself busy, distracting himself with work, and then with alcohol or pills when the work wasn't there.  Now, it was all rushing over him, drowning him. The kid - _Peter_ \- had _trusted_ him.  And Pepper had asked him not to go. To have one last dinner with her.  And he had gone, taking one to his death, leaving the other to hers.

Steve sat quietly. He never knew what to do in these situations. He's never really had what you might call a touchy family, and showing emotion wasn't really a thing he'd ever been all that comfortable with. He envied people like Tony, and now he couldn't do anything to help. He shifted a little closer, trying to decide if a hand would be welcome. Anywhere.

"Fuck." Tony pulled in an unsteady breath. _Get ahold of yourself._ Steve didn't want to see this.  Nobody did. "Sorry."

Steve put an arm around him.

"Sorry." Tony straightened. "I'm a dick."

"Maybe. But someone has to be."

Tony took in a longer, more careful breath. Yes.  Because that was his role, wasn't it. To be the asshole who did the asshole things that needed to be done. And it left no time for lying around crying on the floor. He pulled himself to his feet, reminding himself of that. "Yeah."

"Let's go inside. It's a little windy for your outfit."

"Shrinkage does me no favors," Tony agreed, walking inside, sliding the door closed behind Steve.

Steve held on to his shoulder, rubbing it gently.

"Uh, if I'm keeping you up, I can fuck right off, if you want."

"No, I like it."

"You do?" Tony asked, surprised, walking towards Steve's room.

"Yeah. It means you're alive." And there.

Tony didn't know what to do with that. "I suppose it does.  Anyway," speaking of being a dick, "can you show me the stuff Shuri sent? I'm not ready to go back to sleep just yet."

"I... sure, she asked me to bring some stuff, I don't really know what it is, to be honest."

"Well, she sent something for me, right? And I wouldn't use it on anyone else without using it on me first.  Well, anyone I liked." He was discovering that he liked Loki plenty, even if he didn't trust the guy any farther than he could spit.

"Sure, yeah." Use it? What was this; more drugs? "We can take a look."

"Show me what you got." Tony closed the door behind him.

"Well, I just said yes and let 'em put things in here..." Steve opened the trunk.

"Welcome to my Saturday nights."

"You're such a romantic." Boxes. Just different boxes of various sizes, shapes and materials. And half a dozen of those beads.

"And what lovely gifts you brought." Tony restrained himself from diving straight in, stepping close to the trunk with lustful eyes.

The moment Tony stepped into view, one of the balls activated, sliding towards the middle of the crate and joining a circle of others. A hologram shot out of it; Shuri in a hoodie, looking up with pleading eyes. "Help us, Tony Stark; you're our only hope!"

"Oh, nooo, she's my sister and I can't have sex with her now," Tony said, mournfully.

"...Star Wars," Steve hazarded. He _knew_ this one. "I want to say Star Wars?"

The image of Shuri collapsed into giggles. "I sent you some fun toys. Don't break them all at once. And don't be too hard on Loki. I sent you all the prototypes we looked at, but I'm hoping you'll reconsider using any of them." She smiled, a little sadly. "But yes. Enjoy."

"...you haven't seen Star Wars?  Steve. This is worse than the whole no-sex thing.  I have an original reel from the version that George didn't ruin.  I'm going to tie you to a chair and make you watch it." He fell to his knees and rummaged through the trunk.

"Uh... I'd... I'd. Like that?"

Tony pulled items out of the trunk with avarice.  Bracelets, shining, finely made, impossibly light, with a matching ring that must be the controller.  A necklace with a similar ring. A tiara with a matching necklace. Those seemed to be the restraints.  The rest of the boxes had a watch that simply hummed with nanobot activity, a pair of sunglasses... Tony paused.  "I want to save some for later." A bundle of leaves with a carefully potted cutting were neatly tucked in a corner.  "Is that... what you took?"

"Yeah." Steve grimaced.

"I definitely want to look into this." Tony lifted out the cutting carefully. "But maybe not right now. Want to help me do a little human experimentation?" The necklace, maybe.

"OK." Steve had no idea what any of this stuff was about, but he trusted Tony.

"Take this..." Tony handed over the ring, and put on the necklace.  It was fairly plain, delicate and silvery in appearance, small links with a catch that appeared magnetic, but held more strongly.   "Is it _me_?"

Steve frowned. "What _is_ it?"

"It's a restraint. Put on the ring, she'll have put in some way to control it."

"What sort of a restraint?" Knowing from personal experience, Steve was a little iffy on the while human experimentation thing.

"Well, that's what we're about to test, isn't it?" Tony smiled.

"That thing is around your throat."

"Yes, Steve," Tony agreed, patiently.  "That's where necklaces go."

"Yeah, but you said restraint. Is this some sort of choking collar?"

"I don't know.  But I feel fairly sure that Hot Chocolate Leia wouldn't send over anything that would kill me." He paused.  "Well, not Loki." She did seem to have a soft spot when it came to the slippery godling. Maybe she just had a thing for tall guys.

"Wait, this is for Loki?" Not thinking, Steve gestured, his hand veering to the side, indicating Loki's room, the ring in his hand. "Also, I know that's probably a Star Wars reference, but it's still kind of racist."

The collar tightened around Tony's neck.  Not enough to restrict his breathing appreciably; instead, something - electromagnetic interference, he wondered on his way to the ground? - interfered with every nerve south of his neck, and he crumpled.

"Tony!" Steve threw the ring off, rushing over. "You reckless idiot," he muttered under his breath.

"Wow, this is amazing.  Hey, could you - poke me, or pinch me, or something?  Below the neck."

"Jesus Christ, Tony." Steve pulled the necklace off him.

"Hey!" Tony sat up. "I wanted to see if the sensory neurons were also affected, or if that crazy smart girl had figured out how to just hit the motor..."

"Oh good, it's reversible," Steve said pointedly. "You and I have different priorities."

"Yeah, I had figured _that_ one out already." Tony sat up, cross-legged. "Let's try the bracelets."

"What? _No!_ What _are_ these things, and why is Shuri sending them to you!"

Tony took a deep breath. "I thought she would have talked to you about it. We discussed having a failsafe for ol' Destroy New York over there.  Give Thor the control, because you all don't trust me."

It took Steve a good few moments to process that. "Please tell me you understand what that sounds like."

Steve's disapproval was as thick and heavy as molasses, a depressingly familiar feeling.  "Something something unhealthy daddy complex?"

"This is probably the wrong term again, but I'd say it sounds batshit crazy."

"Yeah, that's one viewpoint. The other is that he tried to _kill you_ and he _almost killed me_ and is that just a 'whatever' in your book?"  Just because Tony liked the guy didn't mean he was going to give him the keys to the tower.  The tower that, although Steve seemed to have forgotten, Loki had _thrown him out of the top of_.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. "I've already got a headache from trying to explain this and I haven't even started yet." He took a long breath. "How long had he been here now?"

"Two weeks."

"Okay. So you're basically going to collar a man who's been living with you for two weeks. Do you..." He waved a hand tiredly. "You don't see any issue with that at all, do you."

"Steve, do you drive drunk? I mean, do you think it's one of those things that, you tell people, meh, do it or not, no big deal?"

"You're not making sense." He was definitely getting a headache. "And of course I don't. You know that. Just tell me what it is you're trying to make me understand."

"Look at the numbers. _Millions_ to one against anything happening on any given drive when drunk. But we tell people not to, because the consequence is so high and not fucking driving drunk is so easy." Tony waved his hand. "Stark Industries. Every bathroom has a sign telling you to wash your hands. We don't handle food, the odds of anything getting passed on if someone didn't wash their hands after a shit - infinitesimal. But washing hands is easy. This? I can't even begin to calculate the odds. Less than a million to one? Maybe. But what's the cost? He does nothing, Thor never uses it. Maybe they make fun sex games with it, I don't give a damn. And against the risk of another Event?" Tony pulled in a breath. " _People_ , Steve. Human lives."  It was Tony, after all, who had brought Loki here, was housing him, holding him. If he went flying away again, and someone got hurt, it would be _Tony's_ fault.

Steve watched him passively. "Great speech. When do you get to the part where you explain how it's perfectly rational to keep Loki here unchecked for two weeks, then basically chain him up like an animal because hey, we can't risk it." Why was talking to Tony always like pulling teeth? Granted, Steve's teeth grew back, but they still hurt when they came out. "Are you basically saying you've been driving drunk for two weeks? Because if you are, why are you surprised I'm asking to see your license?"

"Yes, I have. And is it smart to say well, I've been doing fine for two weeks, so let's keep doing it? Or fuck knows how lucky I've been, and I should stop?" Tony sighed. "Jesus, Steve, 'chained up like an animal.' _I'll_ wear one and give _you_ the controller." They had all fought the Chitauri together, back to back, like comrades, united. And now, after everything that had happened since, Steve trusted him less than Loki. If Steve collaring him would change it, Tony was game. _Anything_ that would work!

"At least you understand what the problem is. I think." Honestly, miles above and beyond Steve's expectations.

"Do I."

"Just... I know there's nothing I can say to even begin to budge your mind about this, so can I... can I at least make a suggestion?"

"It's not about me, Steve, and my fucking ego, it's about you and Nat and Stuart and your families and friends and the people we don't even know and the _chance_ that we're putting them in danger without _them_ having any say in it..."

"Oh my god, Tony! Do you know what the problem is with your ego? It's not that you think you always know better than anyone else, it's that you are physically incapable of thinking it's possible to _partially_ disagree with you! Just because I think it's a bad idea to do this now, _in this way_ , does not mean I think it's perfectly all right to risk the lives of thousands or millions of people!" Steve had to concentrate not to actually shout. He tore at his hair. "I have questions! A lot of questions! That doesn't mean I'm advocating going in the complete opposite direction!" He closed his eyes and sat down on the bed.

"So what's _your_ idea? And why, in this long litany of what a dick I am, did you never just ask your questions?"

Oh sure. This wasn't about Tony's ego at all, when the essence he'd gotten out of what Steve just said was 'Tony Stark is a meanie'. "I'm saying I'm not here to stop you. You don't have to explain why it's a good idea to me, and you certainly don't have to explain the risks. I don't want to fight you. I really, really don't. I'm just reacting."

"Of _course_ I have to explain what I'm doing and why, and the risks, to you, that's the whole goddam point!"

Steve blinked. "But I trust you implicitly."

"Yeah, except no, you don't." Demonstrably.  "And you shouldn't, but damn it, _ask_ when you don't.  Talk." Really talk, just don't say my idea sucks and stop there. "Give me your damn ideas."

Steve resisted the urge to bury his head in his hands. "Can I make my suggestion now?"

"Whenever you fucking want, Steve!"

"Don't talk to Thor about this. Let Loki do that. Because I promise you, If you think my reaction was off the wall, that's nothing. Thor will absolutely flip. Loki won't. He thinks like you, because I have no fucking idea what goes on his head either." He ran his hands through his hair. "I know you must have talked to him about this already, but even if you hadn't, he'd probably just think it was funny."

"He wanted it. Maybe partially because he thought it'd help him be accepted, but I think he's genuinely afraid of what could happen as well." And why were you so eager to wear one in sympathy, eh, Tony? "That's an excellent idea."

"Of course he is. More than anyone." Steve blanched. "Uh. Thank you? And I should try it too. I'm... closer to him. Uh, physically."

Tony laughed without humor. "Or I should at least put on the suit, yeah?" Not that it could stand up to Thor - or Steve - but it helped.

"You really think I don't trust you?"

"Yes. I'm surprised you didn't jump at my offer." Well, he didn't need any fancy jewelry to control Tony, did he.  That was quite the realization. Steve must know.

"If anything, I trust you too much."

"Odd comment, Steve."  After - well, everything.

"I think you're predictable."

Tony cringed.  "That's honestly the worst thing anyone has ever said about me."

"But I'm probably wrong. Isn't that what we've learned?" He was actually smiling a little. Nothing like the end of the world for some honest self reflection.

"The More You Know!" Tony replied, disingenuously.

"Just put the collar on me."

"Only if it's a sex thing."

Now he was grinning. "I'd like to think of it as trust exercise."

"You know, the falls work well for that. Me and Hulk, we bonded. But if you like, go ahead, pop it on." Tony waved.

Steve took it, throwing the ring at Tony. He put it around his neck, gingerly. It didn't feel much like anything.

Tony slipped on the ring.  He felt the fields, the tiniest little tickle - he would have missed it if he hadn't been paying attention for that specifically. It felt almost like... there were stops. "You might want to be sitting down for this."

"All right." The bed was right there. Steve sat again.

Tony moved his finger to the first stop, watching Steve intently.

"Yeah, that's..." Steve tried to lift his arms. It was like that week he had pneumonia. One of the weeks.

"That's the first stop," Tony noted. "It seems like it just blunts you a little. This woman..." he sighed, admiringly.  Such fine control! Her knowledge of neurology and integration with technology was unmatched. "Next stop." He crooked his finger up one.

"Yeah, that's blunted a part of my body I generally don't like blunted."

"Wow, specifically?" Tony asked, staring at the part of the body he was assuming Steve meant.

"Probably not, but it's the one I noticed!"

"I don't like that side effect, I have to admit. Should I just go straight to the top power setting and call the experiment done?"

"I mean, I have to say, with someone as powerful as Loki? If he can still move his lips, maybe he can still do... whatever it is he does?"

"That's a question for him, isn't it."  Tony pulled his finger back through the stops, deactivating the necklace.  "How he does what he does. Wiggly fingers? Wagging lips? The power of his mind, like Uri Geller's deepest fantasies?"

"Probably all of the above." Steve exhaled loudly. "I'm glad that's over. Want me to try one of the others?"

"No, one is enough for tonight.  We'll play again tomorrow." Tony touched the watch with longing, then put it aside. He wanted to have daylight and coffee before digging into it.  He pulled out a leaf from the bundle Steve had brought. "How does this work? Smoke, eat, inject?" He could take it to the mass spec, but that was a longer walk than he wanted to make right now.

"I... actually baked it into a cake. You could chew it, thought."

"You have untapped talents that I'm going to have to tap," Tony noted.  "How many years did you live in this tower and never baked me so much as a muffin?  So, how much?" He waved the leaf at Steve.

"Gosh, I don't know." He picked out a pinch. "That's what I had. Which was probably a bit much."

Tony took half of it.  "I'm probably more used to drugs in general, but not this one." And Steve cooking it might have lowered the potency somewhat.  And Steve was a superhuman. Tony put it in his mouth, grinding it between his teeth to release whatever the active components were, sucking the paste against his gums.

Steve's eyes widened. "All right, you're officially unpredictable."

"See," Tony said, his voice a little muffled by the stuffed gums, "you should have just poisoned me."

" _Tony_." There was something so irrevocably sad about that. Steve put a hand on his cheek.

"Is that what I have to do to get you to touch me?"  Touch me like _that_ , spontaneously, gently.  Like a lover.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I get.." He shrugged. "You push my buttons."

"Yeah, and you push mine.  The happy ones and the massively frustrated ones.  Oh, the jealous ones, too." He just mashed those endlessly.

"Happy?" Wait; jealous? Steve wasn't sure which was more surprising.

"If you're confused, imagine how _I_ feel!" _Having_ those buttons pushed, _so_ hard, endlessly.  "I never could decide if I wanted to punch you or kiss you, or sit around and be upset that my dad knew you before you were..." he waved his hand.  _Captain America_.

"You would have laughed if you'd seen me then." And certainly wouldn't have wanted to fuck him.

"You think I haven't?  You think dad didn't show me a million pictures of Before and After?" _Yes, he was physically improved, but the_ point _, Tony, is that he was_ mentally _strong from the beginning.  Disciplined. Focused. Unlike some people I could mention._

Steve's eyes widened. "I... forget."

"You looked good," Tony muttered.  Like a guy, a regular nerdy guy, a kid like Tony.  A guy Tony could get along with. The guy he thought Steve would be when they finally met.  But his sheer _Tonyness_ had gotten to Steve, hadn't it.

Steve kissed him. Licked the leaf from his gums, embraced him, poured himself into him.

Fuck. This unreserved affection, this undeniable want. More addictive than any other drug Tony had tried.  Tony grabbed at Steve's shoulders, practically climbing into his lap.

Not just wanting him. Wanting _him_. Knowing him; seeing all he was. Tony _saw him_. Steve could cry. He pulled Tony closer instead, making up for lost time.

Tony's hand moved from Steve's shoulder to his cheek, kissing him deeply, pressing his full body against Steve's. He needed this. Needed Steve.

Tony's pants were getting way too uncomfortable. Steve tried to get a hand between them to get them off, and brushed against Tony's erection.

Tony grabbed Steve's hand, pushing it back against his penis. "If you ever wanted to get into my pants," he mumbled into Steve's mouth, "job done."

Steve had to pull back to giggle. "And now I want to get out of them." He grabbed Tony's hard, warm cock.

"Just breathe. They'll rip off like Hulk's."

Steve giggled some more. "You're not helping!"

"Sorry." Tony shook his head and resettled, putting on his Business Face. "Serious.  I'll be very serious."

"Better fuck me like you're serious."

"I will." Tony nipped at Steve's lips. "You're going to have to carry me to bed, though." No way Tony could pick up that mass of muscle.

"We're already on the bed." Steve fell back, pulling Tony on top of him.

"Now I am!" Tony straddled Steve, kissing him deeply, yanking Steve's pants down - well, his pants on Steve - and grabbing for the lube.

Steve grabbed at him, nearly clawing, leaning up to kiss him deeper.

Was this a dream, a drug-induced fantasy, that Steve wanted him so much?  It was a good dream, at least. Tony slicked his fingers and pressed one inside.

"More; I can take it!"

"Easy, tiger." Not that Tony was feeling as much in control as he really should.  Two fingers, working, stretching. His cock ached, wanting to be _inside_.

A little pain, making it more real, somehow. "Like that..."

"Yes." A messy splash of more lube, one-handed.  Harder stretching, another finger.

"I want _you_ ," Steve whined, spreading his legs wider and lifting his hips.

"Right." Tony dropped the lube, grabbing another condom from the hidden drawer, ripping it open with his teeth.  That familiar dance that made him hornier, getting closer to _sex_.

"It was so good, I want that again."

"I do, too, baby," Tony reassured Steve, sliding the condom on, unrolling it to the base, slathering it with lube, grateful for his practice with these one-handed skills.

"Tony..." Steve put his own fingers inside himself, too greedy to wait.

"Hey, hey..." Tony slid his own fingers out.  "I'm ready, settle..."

Steve nodded, biting his lip, trying to still his thrusting hips.

Tony positioned himself, grabbing the shaft firmly, pressing, rocking gently, watching open-mouthed as his head slowly pushed inside.

"Yes... please...!"

More lube, then Tony leaned forward, kissing Steve as he slid carefully all of the way inside.

Steve gasped, sucking on Tony's tongue, locking his legs around Tony's waist.

"Steve," Tony tried to say, but it was a garbled mess.  So was he. He let Steve do what he wanted with tongues, focusing instead on slipping his hand between the bed and the small of Steve's back, grasping there to hold himself steady as he slowly thrust, thrust.  So wonderfully warm and tight.

Yes, perfect, close, wonderful! Steve whimpered, pushing back against the thrusts.

Tony moaned, his eyes fluttering half-closed, panting, changing his angle as he thrust to try to find what was most delicious.  They were all delicious, it turned out.

"Tony... _yes_."

"Steve," Tony panted.  "Want you. All for me."  Selfish, jealous, but what else was new?  He thrust faster, more deeply.

"Yes! Just you..." Steve gasped, letting himself be moved.

Tony stuck his fingers in Steve's mouth, grabbing his back more firmly, thrusting hard.  He wanted to tie Steve up, suck him dry, make him love Tony. Give him an artificial heart so Tony could put a virus in it, make him unable to live without Tony.

Steve sucked hard at his fingers, making himself choke on them.

Faster, faster, Tony could feel his deferred orgasm building.  He pulled his fingers out and bent close to Steve again, pressing his body against Steve's, thrusting hard, biting at the other man's lips and tongue.

"Yes...! Now, please..!" So close. So, so close!

So close, right _there_ , and Tony thrust wildly, chasing it, catching it, crying out like a man possessed as he came, pressing deeply.

"Yes! Tony, yes..." Steve fell into orgasm, gasping, squeezing Tony hard.

Just as it was tailing off, too. Tony cried out again, shaking with redoubled aftershocks.

Steve fell back, eyes closed, mouth gaping. Oh. God.

"Fuck!" Tony gasped, panting.  "Steve. Jesus."

"Yeah." Wow. He could see why people liked this.

"You okay?" Tony reached down with an unsteady hand, securing the condom as he pulled out.

Steve laughed. "Oh my god, yes!"

Tony tossed it aside with a sigh, collapsing next to Steve.  He pulled a hand towel from the little drawer, handing it over. "I could do that more," he said, cautiously.

"I never want to stop doing that." Wow.

"Well, I mean, we'll have to take breaks for meal times and work, but otherwise, sure."

"Stickier than I expected, though." He frowned. "I don't know why I wasn't expecting that, to be honest."

"Just like eating, really. You can make it less sticky if you really want to, but it takes a lot of the fun out." Tony exhaled, a long, unsteady breath. "There's not much of the night left, but I'm ready to sleep through it. Honestly, I'm not getting a lot from this drug. I'm giddy, but that's pretty standard after sex..."

"Takes a while to kick in. And I think I got a bit of it. Maybe it'll just help you sleep? It made me a bit drowsy."

"Yeah." Tony took the towel and carefully wiped the come off of Steve's softening dick and ridiculous stomach, hard and ridged with muscle. "Lights off, Friday," he said, reluctantly.

"Tony?" In the softening light, Steve could barely make out his outline.

"Yeah?" Tony flopped on his back, looking at the soft triangle of blue light on the ceiling from his undershirt. He had taken someone's virginity for the second time in as many days. An innocent, in so many ways.

"I can't remember the last time anyone did something this good for me." He sighed. "Maybe never." He was bone tired. His body wanted him to sleep, and his body was strong in will, as everything else.

"That's fucked up." Some sex and a bed to lie on? Just that?

"I'm falling asleep." Dammit, he needed to - something had to be communicated. The drug and his body disagreed. "I really... Tony, I..." his breathing fell into deep, heavy sleep.

Tony listened to him so quickly fall into the heavy, regular breathing of sleep.  He sighed and put his hands in front of that bluish-white glow, making a shadow dog on the ceiling, then a bird, reluctant to shed the undershirt, the proximity of his bots, his _suit_. His mind spun around with the surreality of this.  How quickly the jealousy of his childhood had turned to paternal affection, then frustration, then anger, then love and sex - each emotion saturated in the one before, never really losing that flavor. But Steve was new to this - not just sex, but relationships of all kinds. Was he bonding to the first good fuck he had ever gotten, the first cuddle and warm bed?

"It can be both, you know." Something in the corner of his eye. A figure. Long strawberry-blonde hair.

_Hallucinations_ , but the form they were taking made his heart jump into his throat.  "You're dead," he said, looking resolutely ahead.

Pepper shrugged. "That's one way of looking at it. I'm not alive, certainly. And I'm not really here."

"You're going to make me want you to stay." Take more of the drug. Every day. Addicted to her return.

"Well, you don't know how this works, which means I don't know how this works." She pushed away from the wall and came to sit by him. "But it seemed to work for Steve, didn't it?" She glanced over her shoulder at him, affectionately.

"A see-your-dead-loved-ones drug. This is the worst idea ever."

"My best guess is, it messes with parts of your brain that deal with emotions and memory."

"Yes, and that's why it's the worst idea ever." He turned and looked at her fully, her pale skin, her thoughtful eyes, those beautiful little wrinkles she had developed around them from smiling. "You're _me_. There's nothing in you that's you, and it's dangerous to think there is."  It was like when he took acid. He was just too _aware_ that he was hallucinating.

"Tony..." She put a weightless hand on his thigh. "If there was none of me in you, you wouldn't see this. You couldn't. This IS the part of me that's in you."

"Yeah, but it's just memories and impressions. You always challenged me. Brought a new viewpoint. This bit of me can't do that." Tony reached for her, then stopped, sighing. "And you were getting fucking sick and tired of me, too. I know that.  I'm glad you agreed to come on that last walk with me, though."

"You think that's what it was?"

"I do." And it was. He had never seen her again.  "And so do you, Part Of Me. I'm a shitheel with a bad attitude."

"Yes. That must be why you've filled the house with your little orphans again," she deadpanned.

"I can be a shitheel and still have basic humanity." Orphans, all, just like him. He had not properly thought about it.

"Please love yourself a little. Would you? It's not like I can, right now."

"I know." Tony looked up at her. "Everyone thinks I love myself too much."  Irony, proper irony.

She laughed. "I don't think this is permanent." She looked somewhere between relieved and upset.

"Honestly, I'm surprised to see how right they are." It never _felt_ like he did.  But he did enough for... this.

"No, I mean... me. Being here."

"Yeah. But you're me. And you're being _nice_." This was deliciously surreal.  He had thought he was all Ultron. Hating himself so much.

"Your mind is so blown right now, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Trippy. Got any other subconscious insights?" He reached out to stroke her hair, then stopped.

She nodded at Steve. "I don't think so. I see you sorted that one out for yourself. Took you long enough. I got tired of nagging you about it."

"You did, didn't you," Tony said thoughtfully, casting his mind back. So many little comments and suggestions he hadn't noticed. Even the timing of her 'break,' maybe? "I miss you. The real you, not just memories of you. Maybe I'd be easier to deal with, now that..." He jerked a thumb at Steve. His assholery not borne by one person only. Or maybe he was just kidding himself.

"Nope. But I wouldn't want it any other way."

"You did," Tony said, sadly, disagreeing with what he _wanted_ to believe. "You needed space." To be treated _decently_.

"Because you were being intolerable, even for you!" She punched him in the arm. It went right through him. "This is base level. I like it there."

"This one might help keep it there. I've been having a hell of a time."

"I don't want you to be miserable. I just want you to be you, and not kill yourself or others in the process."

"That's top on my list, too." As it would be, given that he was talking to himself.  A very tall order, though.

"I don't know if I'll come back. Maybe." She was flickering around the edges.

"I don't think I want you to.  _This_ you.  Not the real you.  The real you, I want back."

"I know," she didn't say, conceptually vanishing before he could turn away.

Tony looked up at the ceiling.  "Shitballs," he exhaled. So much for sleeping.


	12. Chapter 12

"I know I shouldn't have left.  I don't care." Loki glared at nothing in particular.

"You're not a prisoner."

"I scare Tony.  As well I should.  Put me down."

Thor grunted. Loki looked smaller than usual. Especially on the bed, placed in a middle like a valuable jewel. "He does not know you."

"He will." Loki changed back to his Aesir form.  He flexed his stiff, bloody hands with dangerous intent.

"Why do you hate yourself so?"

Loki frowned up at Thor.  "What do you mean?"

"You always think the worst of yourself. Since we were young, you've done this."

"I'm honest, brother.  I don't have insane notions of _better natures_ and _redemption_." He stared levelly at Thor. "You didn't, either, when we were younger."  The worse the world got, the more unrealistically optimistic Thor got. Odd.  "What I can deliver now is Thanos's death." And trying to be a _better man_ had made him fail, the first time.  He wouldn't do that again.

"You do not require either of those things. Your nature is flawed, but you do not need redemption. We are all flawed."

"I don't hate myself.  I _know_ myself."  As well as he ever had.  He did not have goodness to deliver, only the utility of his lack thereof.

"Yes, you're very fond of yourself." Thor looked out the window. The storm he had nursed into being hovered out there, as aimless as his mood.

"Enough." Loki froze the damaged skin on his hands to stop the bleeding.  "I didn't know. I didn't let myself remember. That was unacceptable." Cowardice was one thing, but hiding necessary information from himself - no.

"You hardly did that on purpose!"

"Some part of me did that.  It's immaterial. I _know,_ now."

"What does it matter?"

"I HAVE to kill him," Loki growled.  "Painfully." Thanos thought he knew pain. He had taught Loki new heights of it.  But Loki would dive deep and find more.

"We will." Outside, the sky rumbled.

"Yes," Loki said, thoughtfully.  Thanos had shown himself mightier than the Hulk, mightier than Thor.  Only the depths of insincerity, subtle evil, and trickery could bring him down.  But that was not Thor's strength. Loki would let him and those other Avengers play around with their mechanical toys and their plans.  Take their time. Leave Loki free to act.

"I have a memory of burying my axe in him. It did not help, ultimately, but sometimes it gives me some small comfort." He turned. "Would you like it?"

"Yes." Loki jumped up, thrusting his messy hand in Thor's face, sucking the memory greedily.

_Seething, burning anger._ You took them from me. You tortured he who was my soul. _Vindictive, sadistic glee as metal struck flesh, driving it in. Wanting to twist it but the skin and armour keeping it stuck. Exuberant joy at the flinch of pain. Wanting more._

Loki fell back on the bed, chest heaving, panting, reliving that delicious moment over and over again.  "Yes, brother. _Yes_."

"You shall have it." Thor leaned over him, eyes glowing.

Loki leaped up, arms around Thor's neck, kissing him like he wanted to devour the man. Thor pulled Loki to him, ravishing his mouth while lighting struck outside. Loki hadn't realized Thor could be so naughty.  So reactive. So emotional. His hands grabbed at Thor's shoulders, back, arse, shoulders again, annoyed that they couldn't hold the whole man at once.

Thor enveloped him, biting at Loki's neck, hands on his back, his ass. The fact that he was here, alive, that they were still them and living and breathing was still so volatile, and ever would be. There were only moments like these, far and few between, in which they truly lived.

Loki grabbed at Thor's hair, trying to hold on to the short strands.  He bit at Thor's tongue, frustrated with... something. Need. Unspeakable need. With a strangled roar, Thor lifted Loki's hips, thrusting a finger inside him, wildly. Loki moaned, deeply, his hunger momentarily addressed. Not sated. Not even close.

"I would take you like this."

Loki pulled back enough to look Thor in the eyes. "Then do it." Another flash of lightning. Thor pressed himself against Loki’s hole, white-hot eyes staring Loki down. A flash of pain to match the lightning. Both _Thor_ , both ugly and necessary. Loki embraced it.  He would learn every type of pain, stripping the sweetness from them when he forced them back into Thanos. He stared at Thor levelly.

The wildness, the berserker rush he had not felt in centuries pressed Thor on. He muttered ancient words, easing the way in little by little. It would hurt. But it would not harm.

Loki opened his mouth slightly, breathing carefully. Letting the sensations flow over him. Pleasure, pain, sensations of the flesh, paling in comparison for the needs that burned in him. They didn't have names, not in this language.

"You said you'd teach me seiðr." This was beyond that.

"I will." Whatever it took to bind them. To soothe this need until Loki could murder Thanos - messily, trickily, dishonorably.

"Feel me." In him, fully. Power surging through them.

"I do." Loki sent a chill through Thor where they were joined. A little note, a little acknowledgment.  They were lifting, slowly, off the bed, electric charges caressing them. The things Loki would have done with that power! Good thing he didn't have it. He settled deeply on Thor, fully impaled.

"Take it." _Also you?_ _Yes. Me/also/me._ The lightning hesitated, caressing Loki. _Not you._

Loki's lip twisted.  That fear, again, the fear of Thor's power.  It would surely never go away. But Loki could see it, acknowledge it, let it seethe and simmer as the lightning tasted his skin, and let it chill his bones.  He could deal with chill.

Thor howled in frustration. _Me_!

_Not you_ , came the sizzling answer.

The power would not accept Loki. It did no harm, but would not move beyond the edges. Would not give Loki access. He let go, stopped fighting it and let it roam free. The power surged in glee, lifting them higher, sparkling around them as Thor thrust his hips, holding Loki.

Loki closed his eyes. It was easier when he couldn't see; then it was just snapping, tickling, curious little pinches.  And Thor, deep and raw inside of him. Overwhelming. Loki grabbed Thor tightly.

The power let him move. Rough and raw, skin scraping against skin, teeth against lips.

The sensation was almost too much to bear.  Loki dragged his nails across Thor's back, feeling the flesh, settling himself.

Old words filled Thor’s mind. Power words. Words to sing victory from loss.

_Sigrúnar þú skalt kunna,_   
_ef þú vilt sigr hafa,_   
_ok rísta á hialti hiǫrs,_   
_sumar á véttrimum,_   
_sumar á valbǫstum,_ _  
_ ok nefna tysvar Tý

Thor spoke them into truth.   _You will have victory. Carve them into the hilt of your sword._

_Our enemies will suffer,_ Loki promised himself.  He would not die again without vengeance, without the screams of Thanos and his horde to give Thor succor.

"Together," Thor panted.

"Together," Loki lied.

A stray spark singed Loki's hand. Thor snapped to attention.

Loki cried out with startlement as much as pain, squeezing Thor inside of himself.

Distraction and pleasure, boundless space and energy. Thor rutted, pulling Loki with him, speaking words of power as he came, yelling.

The lightning stung him again, and Loki cried out, unable to let go, digging his nails into Thor's flesh, feeling himself filling with come.  He felt marked, claimed, in a way he had not, before. A binding. A warning.

"Loki." Thor came back to himself, blinking as the power left him. They floated down. There was a smell like burnt leather.

"Uh?" Loki whimpered questioningly, holding tight.

"Loki!" It was him; his arms were red and raw with burns. "Norns; it struck you! Did I strike you?"

"Your powers..." They knew.  Somehow. _It's for_ him _, you dullard damned electrons!_ he hissed wordlessly at them.

"Part of me," Thor mused. "They are part of me; why would they do this?" He had half deflated, spilling out of Loki more than pulling out.

Loki fell onto the bed with a grunt. "Excitement, perhaps. No matter."

"It matters; I could maim you!"

"You never _truly_ hurt me, brother.  Not physically."

Thor gave a helpless little laugh. "How reassuring." He slumped down, all weak flesh and no bone or muscle.

"Sleep, brother," Loki told him. Perhaps Thor would forget in the morning, and pursue it no further.

"Did it help, at least?"

Far too complicated of a question for a single-word answer. "Yes."

"Good." Thor let himself relax. "Come. Sleep."

"Yes." Loki settled close, staring at the ceiling, his thoughts flowing as his arse relaxed and his erection deflated.

* * *

 The sun was staining the low clouds a sullen red when Loki finally gave up. He sat up with a moan.  The pain was moderate, almost pleasant, in his raw arse and burnt arms.

Thor had not moved. His eyes were closed, his breathing steady; he would wake when he wished.

Loki wet a small towel in the bathroom and cleaned the mess from between his legs.  He combed his hair, slicked it with oil, then donned the sleeveless shirt and light trousers from Wakanda, strapping on his boots securely.  He then donned the illusion of a lack of injury.

Excellent.  He was now fit to be seen in public.  He desired more of that dark, bitter beverage that Thor enjoyed so much.

* * *

 Tony stirred unhappily. He could stand to sleep for a few more days, but responsibilities weighed on his mind, forcing him awake. "Fuck."

Steve blinked. Did he... What did one _do_? Television had given him a general idea, but none of the people in the shows Steve had seen, back when he had time for that, were anything remotely like Tony. He shifted a little closer.

"Uh." Tony turned laboriously onto his back. "Friday, half light.  Steve, kiss me.” _Wait, be considerate_. “If you want."

Steve closed his eyes and did, leaning over. Just very soft and carefully, much like he felt. His pulse was racing.

Pretty hesitant, Tony couldn't help noticing. He sat up when it broke. "Friday, hangover montage." Sinnerman obediently began to play at low volume as he turned to Steve. "Drugs that make you hallucinate dead loved ones. That's a tough sell."

"Oh." Steve's eyes widened. "I'm sorry. I didn't... it was the other way around with me." Stupid. He picked at the sheets, propped up on his elbow.

"Damn, that's wacky. Well, you can see if he comes back if you abstain." Even just referring to the only _he_ it could mean made an excess of feelings bounce around in Tony's stomach. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, pulling off his undershirt. "Busy day today," he said, to say something.

Steve reached out to touch his back, hovering just short of a shoulder blade. "I took it because I was afraid to talk to you, you know."

"Afraid? Jesus, why?" Tony looked over his shoulder, playing with the bot housing in his hands.

"I knew you hated me. And I didn't know how to deal with that at close proximity." He tried smile. "Cowardly, I know."

"Jesus, Cap, I don't hate you. I never hated you. Or if I did, it was only because I couldn't get through. Opposite sides of the same coin, yadda." Tony took a deep breath, looking ahead again. "And now I have to find a way to deal with... knowing. That if _he_ were still here, we wouldn't be doing this."  Wait, he was saying the inside parts out loud.  He _was_ hung over.

Steve smiled and shook his head. "He doesn't swing that way. Believe me."

"Well, that's convenient." Tony stood.  Sexuality wasn't that absolute. They'd have figured it out.

"And... and either way, I don't think I could resist you even if I wanted to."

Tony paused. "You did a fair job of it before the world ended, be honest." God, if he hadn’t, Tony would have had him on the table in SHIELD’s strategy room  On the Quinjet. During Senate hearings. Give people a reason to click over to C-Span. The playlist clicked over to Still Crazy After All These Years. Friday was getting too smart.

Steve fell back, his arm over his eyes. Every conversation was an oral exam with Tony. Exact answers and rational logic, exactly the way feelings weren't.

Tony took a careful breath.  Steve wasn’t about to fix his insecurity.  And it wasn’t his job. It was just who they were. "Pride is tomorrow. I have to get some logistical bullshit done. You're welcome to join in."

"I'd like that," Steve said, arm still firmly in place.

"Right, I'll make that happen," Tony told Steve's arm. He walked into the bathroom.  "Something a little more lively, buddy." Friday switched to Monster as Tony started to shower. Way too smart.

Steve breathed carefully in and out for a good, clean minute, then rose. The bathroom door was ajar. He stepped up to it, opening it a little wider. Looked at Tony.

Tony paused, mid-lather. "Room for two," he noted, cautiously.

Steve moved closer, nodding just barely. There was room for three or four, come to that. He hesitated outside the niche.

"The water is in _this_ bit."  Tony circled a finger, pointing at the walls of the shower.

Steve stepped inside. Looked down at Tony. Put a hand on his chest, just below his shoulder.

Tony looked at Steve's hand. "I do have a heart, you know. It's not even mechanical these days."  Fucking convenient.

"I know. I know that."

"So that's what you have to deal with, all right?" His jealousy.  His insecurity. Tony worked shampoo into his hair.

"I know." Of course. Would he be here if he didn't? Steve reached for the soap.

"Good." Tony returned to his own hair.

"I just have no frame of reference for this. _Any_ of it."

"I haven't had a frame of reference for anything in the last ten years or so. I just run around with wood and some nails and try to bang something temporary up."

"What I mean is... I don't understand what I am to you. What that means." He looked up, sudsy and confused. "I'm not used to that."

"I mean, that's the point of what we're doing, isn't it? To figure that out." Tony rubbed Steve's body with soapy hands. Like this. Try things. See what works.

"Oh. Well, that's good." He reached out, tentatively. Caught Tony by the waist.

And this. Tony kissed him under the running water.

This might be the best of it, actually. The sex was amazing, but just... this. The closeness. Steve closed his eyes and leaned into it.

Tony rubbed Steve's strong, smooth body as they kissed. He could get used to this. They'd find out if that was a good idea or not.

"When I was growing up; hell, not that long ago, before all... he waved at his body," this, "I imagined I'd have to marry a woman."

"Have to?" Tony stepped back. "Didn't _want_ to?"

"Well, you know, I didn't think I'd have any other option." He snorted. "Then I thought I probably wouldn't have that option either, so it didn't really matter."

"Didn't answer my question," Tony noted.

"You mean, do I like women?" He flicked some soap off his arm. "Sure."

"Just curious." Tony stepped under the stream of water and did a final rinse.

"It was just always Bucky for me." He realized, taking a step back. "Sorry."

"I'll get used to it," Tony replied, a little too sharply.  "We can't just go through the rest of our lives never saying that name." He stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel.

And I still want him back. Couldn't they just be honest? If Pepper came back, Tony would forget Steve existed. And he would be right to.

Tony cleaned his teeth in front of the mirror.  He needed a haircut before the parade. Double-check the logistics on the meet-up and the cars.  Play nice with the mayor. Not his favorite use of a Saturday.

There were towels. Could he just take one? He did, waiting for any angry pennies to drop. "I, uh, read a lot about Pride. Never really been, through."

"It's a big party, really.  This is the biggest one in the nation.”  San Francisco might disagree, but they could suck it.  “As American as apple pie and sodomy." Tony shrugged. "I think you'll like it.  There's actually very little swearing, usually."

Steve tried a smile on for size. "It's all about context."

"Damn right it is."  Tony toweled off his face.  "I need to get a haircut today.  I think you should come with me."  Shag 'dos might be all the rage, but they weren't Steve.  And even if so, they could look a lot more neat. "You're going to be in front of a rather large crowd."

Steve cringed. "Yeah, about that. I can't really wear the uniform, but I need something." What, though?

Tony tossed the towel aside.  "Why can't you?" He had voluntarily taken it off.  Tony had given that shield back, even though Steve had left it on the wall, staring down at them.

"It wouldn't be right." Tony didn't get it.

Tony sighed. Still the division.  "Wear whatever you like, then. There's a tailor I use a lot, old Italian guy, I'll let him know you want to come by."

"Would it help? If I wore it?"

Tony crossed his arms thoughtfully.  "People are still pretty screwed up over everything that happened.  Captain America disappearing, all of the rumors about what you did,” Tony had not helped by being singularly tightlipped about it, “then half of humanity turning to dust.  I think it would help them to see that you're here, you're back, you're ready to help. And that you're either gay or gay-proximal." Tony half-smiled. There would probably be plenty of guys dressed in some interesting interpretations of his costume already, come to that.

"Bisexual. Is that the right term?" The internet had been confusing about that.

"I don't know, pick and choose what feels right. I've known gays who have had women now and then, and straights who have guys in some context, and girls who call bi because they think other girls are pretty. Whatever works, man."

Steve sighed. "That seems needlessly complicated."

"Then I hereby declare you bisexual.” Tony waved grandly. “Simple enough?"

"That helps, actually."

"Excellent."  Tony stepped into the main room. "Uh, my clothes are in my room.  You're welcome to try to get some of my looser stuff on."

"Erm, I'm good."  

"You brought your own? Or you're just going to walk around naked all day?"

"I brought clothes, yes. That trunk wasn't all Wakandan toys, I took my knapsack out."

"Right, I'll be in the breakfast room in 5."

Steve had a lot of questions. They had a breakfast room? They... had communal breakfast? Was this now some weird superhuman Bed and Breakfast? "Sure."

"It's the same place we ate last night." Tony sauntered down to his own room, poking through his closet, throwing on a soft black cotton shirt and a decent pair of jeans.  Tomorrow would be for dressing up. He headed towards breakfast, craving coffee, then paused, sniffing. Something smelled burnt.

The burnt smell grew stronger as Tony stepped into the room with the table at the end - now set up for breakfast, with the coffee machine out.  Stuart must have set it up - and where _was_ the kid?  Loki sat there alone, a mug full of black coffee in his hands, looking levelly at Tony.

"Smell something?" Tony asked him.

"No," Loki told him, eyes not leaving Tony's face as he took a sip of the black liquid.

"Morning." Well, Steve thought. This was cozy.

"You figured out how to use the coffee maker?" Tony asked Loki, pulling out a mug.  It was the one he had gotten from Fury, with _Sexy Motherfucker_ on the side.  He had done his best to 'accidentally' break it, but of all of the things to make with the newfound wealth of vibranium... he put it under the spigot and pressed the button.  The machine activated with a hum of the grinder.

"Yes.  It is a most basic machine." Just because he knew seidr did not mean he was an idiot when it came to technology.

"Well, I know they don't have coffee in Asgard. Thor kept going on about it." Tony waved in the general direction of the large, generally hungry person in question.

"We have learned.  Good morning, Steve."

How did Loki manage to make _good morning_ sound like a threat?  Tony pulled out the _Worst Daddy_ mug Pepper had gotten for him, and the milk.  "Steve? Milk? Sugar? I don't let anyone use a French press around here, not after what you guys did to the disposal."

"Nah. I like my coffee like I like my men; more or less straight, and not as bitter as people think." He grinned at Loki.

Well, that was clear enough.  Like _Bucky_.  If Tony had been a super, he would have cracked the mug in his hand.  Instead, he put it under the spigot, handing the fresh black coffee in the other mug to Steve.  He could feel Loki's judgmental eyes boring into his back.

"Very humorous," Loki noted dryly, after just enough quiet had passed to demonstrate how heavily that line had landed.

"Something smells like burning in here."

"Yeah, I was thinking the same... not quite like toast, though.  Hey, where's Thor?" Tony put a generous splash of milk in his coffee, then began to steam it.

"Asleep," Loki replied.

Steve took a sip, watching Loki over the rim. "Really? Still? I didn't think he had it in him."

Loki put his cup aside, stood, and leaned in, looming over Tony.  "You two probably have the advantage of me in knowing how he _sleeps_ these days."

It was an intentionally aggressive invasion of personal space, like a boss telling you to touch his dick or lose your job.  Tony frowned, however, distracted. He could smell something faintly like the outdoors, like fresh-cut grass in spring, a smell he usually associated with Thor.  But overlaying that, yes, burnt flesh. "He usually eats and sleeps like it's the last time he's done either," Tony noted, distracted, wiping off the steam wand.

"Yeah, but not for long." Wait. That smell... _Loki?_

Loki turned his head to face Steve, otherwise not moving.  "You may check on his well-being, if you wish."

Tony poured a generous dose of sugar into his coffee.  "After this." He couldn't face more than one Asgardian without a buffer of caffeine.

"I'm sure he's fine." Loki, though. Maybe the storm last night? How bad had it been?

Loki shrugged and straightened. He remembered these men fully, now - the one with no heart, and the one with the shield. He had fought them both.  Odd how the memories were there, when they weren't before, but only when he cared to call on them. It was disorienting.

"I have a lot to do today." Tony stirred his coffee, pacing. "Your brother-whatever-it's-complicated is going to be in a car tomorrow, but you're going to have to lay low. Still a lot of touchiness around. Can you keep that illusion you had the other day going?"

Loki flipped back his hair, irritated. "Of course I can."

Steve sighed. He was hoping Tony might get the idea on his own, but clearly not. Thor didn't usually let Loki out of his sight; this might be the only chance Tony had to speak to Loki alone. "Well," he said, pointedly, "I'm going to go _unpack_. Maybe you two can _talk_." He met Tony's eyes.

"Yeah," Tony sighed. Like _talking_ to a big cat that had no fucks to give about him. "I will."

Loki watched Steve go.  "You have a question for me, Iron Man?"

"Yeah, I do." Tony took a big bracing sip of his coffee.  "Remember when we were talking, back in Shuri's lab, about some sort of non-harmful restraint for you?  Just in case?"

"I do.  I also remember you ceding control of such a device to my brother," Loki noted, pointedly.  That was non-negotiable, and this little man would have a fight on his hands if he resisted.

"Yeah.  Not my first choice - I'd hate to contribute to family drama - but it'll do."

"And you have some options, now, I gather." Loki's hand fiddled with the coffee cup.  Options for Thor.

"Yeah, Steve brought them over."

"Take the ones that would be acceptable to you," Loki mused, "and I will select, of those, the ones most acceptable to _me_ , to present to my brother."

Tony drummed his fingers on his own chest.  "That sounded suspiciously easy."

Loki smiled with all of his teeth.  "It does, doesn't it." He let the silence hang in the air, letting Tony be the one to break it.

"Will you tell me why you smell burnt?" Tony finally asked with a sigh.  He would take what he would get, when it came to Loki accepting any degree of oversight, but the Asgardian was obviously thinking a few too many steps ahead for Tony's comfort.

"If you wish." Loki held his arms out.  The illusion disappeared with a green flicker, revealing raw, burnt flesh.  "From the storm last night."

Tony shivered.  "I think I _do_ want to check on Thor."

* * *

"Friday," Tony said, uneasily, "what's with this?"  Thor lying on his back, slightly askew as if in sleep, a slight smile on his face, breathing steadily.  But unresponsive.

The computer paused, trying to understand the request.  "It’s tricky to answer with certainty, boss. This one has highly aberrant baseline physiology.  However, the brain waves are consistent with deep sleep. He doesn’t seem to be in a coma."

"So what is this?" Tony asked Loki.

Loki shrugged.  "I am Jotun. Not Aesir."

"That doesn't help me.  Will he be awake before tomorrow?"

Loki raised his hands helplessly with a wry smile.  "I certainly hope so."

"Why did he burn you?"

"Because I lied to him.  It was not intentional."

Tony rubbed his face and made an aggravated noise.  "You aren't helping."

Loki bent back down to the Midgardian’s level, hands behind his back.  "Alas, Mister Stark, that is not my job."

"There is a change in Thor's brainwave patterns," Friday chimed.

"Was it him?" Tony pointed at Loki.

"Possibly.  The air temperature did decrease by 0.3 degrees Centigrade at the moment of the change."

Loki rolled his eyes and clambered onto the bed, leaning over Thor.  "Brother," he murmured in Thor's ear.

That, Tony decided, was somewhere between alluring and terrifying.

_Calling him. Far away._ Thor stirred.  

"Brother.  You have slept overlong.  You worry our host." Loki put his hand on Thor's head, trying to draw on his consciousness.

_Loki_. Summoning him, pulling Thor up and out of himself. Inviting him in? _Yes!_ Thor drifted to the surface and beyond, into Loki's mind, filling him with warmth and power. _You are hurt, brother._

An echo in Loki's soul; not him, but the part of him who slept below the surface: _Yes, but you cannot help me. I cannot take this._

_Why?_

_We are separate. Too different. It would melt and burn me._

_Then we must join._

_Yes! I long for you. But not now. Fall back._

_But…_

_Hush. I love you._

A gentle push, and his eyes opened. He stared up into Loki's eyes.

A vast world, opening up in front of him, highs soaring like eagles, lows misty and mysterious, a world of storms and sun and bright rainbows, a world of great power and great deeds... Loki snatched his hand back, pulling away, panting.

"Uh." Thor's head snapped to the side, taking in the other people in the room.

"You with us, prettyboy?" Tony asked, tensely, hands in his pockets.

"What are you doing here?" He sat up, nearly knocking Loki over. Loki scrambled off of the bed.

"We were worried about you," Tony said, still tightly.

"I was merely sleeping. My body needs little rest, but sometimes I must sleep longer." He looked at Loki. "How long was I out?"

Loki shrugged and fiddled with his hands. "I do not know exactly. We could not wake you in the normal way, and tomorrow is a day of great import for the Midgardians, it seems..."

"Well, I'm fine." He sat on the bed, scratching at his hair. "Are you all here to help me bathe?"

Steve raised an eyebrow.

"Only if you really, really want.”  Tony exhaled, feeling a little weak with relief.  “I was just worried - I'll get out of your hair."

Thor sighed. Neither of his parents had been quite this level of dotingly... gods, he hoped the right term would not be affectionate. "No matter, I appreciate the concern."

"Yeah." Tony backed to the door. "Do what you want today, I'll need you up early and dressed in something godly tomorrow. We'll figure it out."

"...godly?"

Tony paused on his way out. "Yeah, you know, like the stuff you used to wear in the old days. Ultron, Chitauri..." Your brother…

"You expect there to be a battle?"

"Nah, it's just... a look, you know? People like it. It makes them feel protected." And made a nontrivial number horny.

This was more Loki's department. Thor looked to him for guidance.

"Much like your coronation ceremony. A reason for celebration, and a show of strength." Shows were Loki's forte.

"Ah." Never really Thor’s thing, but at least he understood the concept. "Something regal, then."

"Yeah, you know... like that cool metal armor you used to wear..." Tony rubbed his chin.  "I think I can come up with something." That scale metal that flowed over Thor’s body like a liquid skin.  Tony endlessly tried to get a sample, and Thor endlessly laughed at those attempts.

Loki also could just make it look like Thor was wearing that outfit, but he was damned if he was going to trot along behind Thor, metaphorically holding his train.  He kept silent.

"Asgardian battle armour."

"Yeah, that.  Unless it's some kind of..." Tony waved his hands, "cultural... taboo... thing."

Loki desperately wanted to lie and say it was, and act terribly offended, but Thor would never play along.  He sighed inwardly and mourned the lost opportunity.

"It is not a thing to be worn idly." Thor began to draw himself up, before remembering he was naked. He slumped down again, a little. "Though if the occasion is worthy," he mused…

Oh really, now? Loki put a hand on Thor's shoulder.  "Tell us more of the worthiness of this event, Stark."

"Uh, it's a celebration of being... not... straight." Tony scratched his neck uncomfortably.

"Straight." No, wait; he knew this one. They'd talked about it earlier. Something about sex?

"We sort of had a thing for a long time about how only men who have sex with women, and vice versa, are actual people.” Tony waved a hand vaguely.  “This is part of getting over that."

"So a festival of fornication," Loki mused.  "We had those frequently, in our heyday. Will Thor be asked to demonstrate?"

"No, nope, _no fucking_ from the guests."  Tony gestured sharply.  It would go over well with a certain subset of the audience, but that was the issue, wasn’t it.

"They were _not_ ; only you ever called them that!" Thor crossed his arms. "And anyway, it was mostly for show. The humans liked it."

"I'm just trying to make it clear to the Midgardian," Loki told Thor in a stage whisper.

"It's... nothing like that," Tony sighed.  He was rapidly losing control of this conversation.  Might as well relax and enjoy it.

"It doesn't matter; if it is a celebration, as you say, it is indeed a worthy occasion."

Loki grinned as Tony nodded, waved, and shut the door.  "Come now, brother, we could have made him _much_ more uncomfortable with little effort."

"I'm well aware. Which is why I stopped you."

"It's called _fun_!  I can never teach you to have it," Loki pouted.

"Not at the expense of other people." He tried not to grin.

With a slight glimmer, Loki put on Banner's appearance and moved in front of Thor.  "That..." He slid closer, as Steve, "is the only..." Shuri, now, straddling him, " _proper_ fun..." Tony now, rubbing Thor's pectorals, "there is."

Thor tried to scramble away, terrified. " _Norns!_ Get that off!"

No particular disinterest until the last one.  Well, then. "What?" Loki asked, still as Tony, spreading his arms.  "Is it the beard?"

Thor jammed his eyes shut. "Stop it! You're doing the voice!"

Loki dropped the illusion.  "Interesting. Very interesting." He had to keep this in mind.  Probe it more, as opportunities allowed.

"If you could do that," Thor mused, "why did you not take the form of my lovers when we were young?" He watched Loki, carefully. "If you wanted me?"

Loki laughed and shook his head.  What sort of a question was that? "Because I wanted you to want _me_."

"Then why do it now? You know it's you I want."

"Because I know you want me, now," even if he didn't quite understand, "and you _know_ it's me, behind the glamour.  It's fun."

"Ah..." Unexpectedly... interesting. "That, I can understand." He let his hands rest on Loki's hips.

"Banner, you did not mind.  The Captain and Shuri, you seemed to like.  Tony sent you screaming." Loki smiled. "Not your type?"

"He is... A friend with whom I have a complicated relationship. And to be honest, it may also be the beard."

"Complicated. Tell me more." And Thor’s relationship with the captain was less _complicated_?

"He's a good man, but he riles me. And I do not like how he treats you. That's not an attractive trait." He pulled Loki's hair behind his ear.

"He treats me like he knows me." And Loki responded in kind.

"And you're suggesting I don't?"

"You know the good sides of me.  He knows the ill."

"I have known you for more than a millennium!"

"Yes." And much had changed, in many ways, over that time.  Even as little as Loki remembered, at the moment, was profound.

"Do not mistake my tolerance for ignorance."

"Mmm, maybe that's what I like. He has a survivor's degree of skepticism."

"Oh, so _you_ like him! Would you like to trade me in?"

"No," Loki said, noting Thor's reaction thoughtfully.  So little he did riled his older brother up to _this_ degree…

"You drive me mad, you know."

"Good," Loki noted, nodding.  "I fear the day when I bore you."

"Not possible." He looked down at Loki's arms, sighing. "I really hurt you. Will it not heal?"

"I assume it will.  I heal quickly, as you know, if not as quickly as you."

Not fast enough, then. "Perhaps there is some treatment..."

"I desire no treatment," Loki replied, stubbornly.  He needed to carry this, remember this. A warning.

"Of course not. You're invincible."

"You do have to admit, I'm fairly difficult to kill."

"No jokes. Not about that." Loki’s hair was softening in the warmth of the room. Thor ran his hands through it.

"Jokes are power, Thor.  As long we can laugh, we are free.  There is no one so mighty that he cannot be mocked." And nothing slid through the armor of the powerful as well as irreverent words.

"You were always the smarter one." Smarter, fairer, in so many senses of the word. And so pleasing to Thor’s senses, now.

"Without these," Loki noted, running his hands over Thor's sturdy shoulders, "I had to be. I had to live by my _tricks_."

"Many have to be, but not all can." Scarred, raw, red skin, so sharp now, almost against his face. "You created yourself."

"And mother," Loki said, reluctant to think of her.  The pain of her loss always followed. "She passed her wisdom on to me as if I were hers." If not her morality.  But that had hardly been _her_ fault.

"You were. In all the ways that matter."

Loki bit his lip.  As always, it came - the reason he tried _not_ to think of her.  Memories, so vivid, so sharply cut off.  They had parted in anger, and then she was gone.  He had never told her of his true adoration of her.  He held his breath. He would _not_ cry.

And this; so free with anger and glee, but almost _afraid_ of other emotion. "She loved you." Thor moved to embrace him. "You were always her favorite."

Loki held Thor tightly, bit his lip more tightly, breathed a tight, shuddering breath.  He could not let go. If he did, who could say how far he would fall?

"I miss her too, brother."

"I can't go back," Loki said through his teeth.  "I studied all of the books. As Odin. They hid nothing from me.  I could not find a way to reverse time's arrow." Not without causing unknowable consequences that could be even more profound.  Erasing loved ones from the very fabric of reality.

Thor held him tighter. Of course he would have tried. And if anyone could... "Thank you. For trying."

"Yes, well, I did not succeed!  I might as well have not tried!" Anger was strong, bracing, welcome. Loki embraced it, pushing at Thor.

"If you try to fight the wind, you are brave for trying, even if doomed to fail." Thor held him fast.

What a ridiculous, useless, _Thor_ concept.  All that mattered was the outcome. "Let go of me," Loki cried, tearing at his arms.

With heavy heart, Thor did.

Loki stumbled back, turning and falling against the wall.  It was smooth and cold against his face. He tried to regain his self-control.  "Hel, damnation, and blood," he whimpered.

"I grieve too, you know."

Loki spun around.  "How do you not go mad?" he screamed.

"I do." His smile twitched on and off. "You just don't know what that looks like."

Loki's chest heaved.  He fished for words, and they swam away from him.

"I wish I could rage like you. I want to. It doesn't come out that way."

"I don't want to rage!" Loki screamed.  He wanted to feel nothing.

"Believe me, the alternative isn't great."

"I don't care!" Loki slammed his fists into the wall, impotently.

"Can I share it?" Thor ached to. Some sort of release; some feeling that wasn't calm acceptance. Whatever Loki felt, he would welcome it.

Loki stormed over, pressed his hand to Thor’s head, and _pulled_ and _pushed_ in equal measure.  Desperate to _not feel this_.

Thor... Expanded. Exploded into shards of infinite emotion. He gasped, collapsing in tears of screaming rage.

Loki collapsed.  Empty. Blissful _nothingness_!  He embraced it with a grateful gasp.

" _Why!_ " Thor wailed, lightning suffusing him. He let it sting. Let it burn to the ashes he felt he was made of.

"Because there are no gods,” Loki noted, lightly.  It was so easy to see, now that his anger and fear were no longer in the way.  “No order. No purpose. We’re owed nothing.”

"It's all _gone_." He tried to find Loki’s face, but he saw nothing but white-blue pain. "I feel it. Them. All of it." It was like cutting open a boil, and now they were left in the festering stink.

"If you feel this much rage and pain," Loki noted, "it will destroy your mind. You should stop."

"How?" It wasn't rage. It didn't feel like rage. It felt like pain and love and loss and all-consuming fear.

"I don't know, brother." Loki crossed his legs, sitting straight and looking up at Thor. "I just know it did, for me." And the recovery had been long.  Even when suffused in the healing powers of Asgard.

" _How do I stop it?_ " Thor howled. It did nothing. Like whispering into the wind.

"I don't know." Loki smiled wryly. "That's why I try so hard never to feel such things, anymore." He sighed and stood. "I should take it back," he noted, regretfully, holding his hand out. Thor might level the city if he exploded with grief.

Thor flinched away. "No!" Loki had held it long enough. He closed his eyes. Pulled the pain _in_.

"Thor," Loki protested, grabbing for Thor's face.

"Let me hold it. I can hold it." He closed his eyes, clenching his jaw, the muscles of his cheek and neck.

"And what if you can't?" Loki pointed out. "You will harm yourself - and perhaps others - to no purpose." It was so easy to think clearly, like this.

Tears streamed from his closed eyes. "I need to feel this. I've felt very little for so long. Leave it. Please."

"It doesn't help," Loki said, quietly. "The pain. It makes me do stupid things.”

"Let me try. You need rest." It was more in the background now, like the roar of wind outside.

"I have had plenty of rest. I yearn for action." To hunt and kill Thanos. It would not take his pain away, but it would be _something_.  And he knew what to do, now.

Thor took his hand. "Let me do this."

"I can't deny you," Loki confessed. Not anymore.

"Just... sit with me a while?"

Loki sat gently next to him on the bed. "If it will help.”

"It's funny. I feel the loss of you, too. All of it. It was always there on the edges. I feel it all, now."

"But I'm not lost, now." Loki pulled his knees up to his chest.

"No." Thor took his hand. "You're here."

"We live in dangerous times." Nothing was promised.  Nothing guaranteed.

"Yes." Thor schooled his breathing. Like in battle. Concentrate.

"Perhaps we will be able to rest in the sun together, once this battle is done." And perhaps there would only be another, and another…

"I'd like that." Moving his head was like trying to move the mechanisms of Nidavelir. "And you will stay with me?"

"Where else would I go, brother? Who else would I want to be with?"

"It's hard to think. Say it? Please."

"I will be with you, Thor." Loki pressed his lips to Thor's.

Thor closed his eyes. Felt the soft touch of Loki's lips. His hand. The scent of him, this close. Alive, alive, alive...

Loki broke the kiss with a sigh. The preternatural calm he had stolen from Thor was wearing off, draining away, leaving him enervated and raw.

"You kept all this? So long?"

"What else was I to do with it?" Loki sighed.  Seal it in a vault?

Thor actually laughed. "I think I need some coffee. But I'd have to move."

"I can make water taste like coffee?" Loki offered.

"I'd like that."

Loki walked to the bathroom, filled a cup with water, and brought a steaming cup of coffee to Thor.

Thor grabbed with both hands, drinking it down. "Why is that so good?"

"I confess that I do not understand. _I_ enjoy things that are bitter, but you..." Loki shrugged. "Well, you do seem to take pleasure in _me_." Come to that.

Thor gave him a look. The pain came and went, thoughts bubbling up to the surface. He was still crying, he realized, as unaware as breathing.

Loki sat down next to Thor, brushing at his eyes.  "What?"

"I like my men like I like my coffee."

Loki pulled back slightly. "Steve said that," he said, tartly.

"It's a Midgardian joke."

"Perhaps he just tells it poorly," Loki replied, cattily.

"You would tell it best."

"I don't recycle old jokes." Loki sighed.  "You should put on some clothing, unless you desire to bed me again before we leave our room."

"All right. If I must." He grunted, shaking his head as he sat up.

"You are your own man," Loki shrugged.  "I feel the need to maintain watch on our fellows, but you can stay abed if you desire or need."

"Figure of speech." He got out of bed, limping to the bathroom. Maybe being cleaner would help. Probably not.

Loki sat on the bed with a sigh, trying to gather his thoughts.  They laughed at his attempts, skittering around like Mother’s cats.

* * *

 "I think that went well." Steve fell into step behind Tony.

"How much of all of that did you catch?" Tony asked.  It was hardly eavesdropping - they all lived here, now.

"All of it."

"Then what part went well, to your way of thinking?"

"I was being sarcastic. I do that now, it's a thing."

"What's next, making massive armor suits and drinking too much?"

"I'm thinking self-delusion."

"Great, I'll sign the company over to you." Tony sighed and scratched his head.  "I have a few things I need to get done in the lab before we get our hair cut. You can come and watch, or hang out and... do…” Tony gestured uncertainly, “...whatever you do to relax."

"Are you kidding - I love to watch you work. I never understand it, but I like to learn."

Tony waved.  "Come with me, then."

He took them to a stairwell and started to trot down it.  "It's a big event tomorrow. I have a little security measure I'm testing out."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."  Tony waved his hand.  "Come on. Take a look." He pushed the door to the lab open.  He hadn't had time to clean much - it was a bit of a mess. His vehicles were parked away from it, but the workspaces were piled with parts and tools.  He picked through the piles, pulling out what he needed and pushing the rest aside; he had to clean up, sooner rather than later. He settled down in front of a tiny black delta-winged drone, with a large magnifying glass set up in front of it.

"That," Steve pointed, "is a drone. I know that much."

"Yup." Tony pulled out a contact painter and painstakingly drew the remaining connections on the exposed board.  "Not just any drone, though."

"I wouldn't expect it to be."

"Got a camera," Tony mumbled as he worked, "linked to Friday.  Evaluates the chemical, nuclear, and mechanical energy of whatever it sees.  Escalates anything that looks ugly to me for review. Idea is to leave the nice people in the crowd alone and focus on the potential problems."

"Good idea."

"Really? You _like_ an idea of mine?" Tony tilted the board, checking his work.

"If we disagreed on absolutely everything, I wouldn't be here."

"Joke," Tony replied.  He started to slot the board back in, but the fit wasn't quite right.  Too much wiggle. He grabbed the quick-cure plastic.

Steve was starting to feel useless; not an unfamiliar feeling around Tony. He tried to take in the surroundings without looking like an idiot.

"You ride, right?" Other than _into battle?_ Tony put a dollop of plastic inside, and shaped it with a thin pick tool before it hardened.  

"Yeah. When I can."

"We'll find time to, then."  They had to find things to do other than argue and fuck.  Not that Tony minded an excess of the latter, but cutting out some of the former would be rather nice. He slotted the board into the better-fitting receptacle with a happy grunt.

"I'd love that." So many vehicles. Two wheels, four, six...

"You like them American? Harleys?" Tony tested the range of motion of the camera, then tightened the mount.

"Whatever works. I was out of the loop a long while."

"Harleys haven't changed at all since your time.  I'll introduce you to some Italians. They're pretty sexy." Tony turned the drone over, checking his work under magnification, then held it out in the palm of his hand.  "Friday, test flight surfaces." He watched them go through their range of motion.

Vehicles... Being sexy? Well, when he thought about it, it almost made sense.

"Power it up all the way, hover."  The drone rose in the air, its tiny jets whisper-quiet.  "Try a flyaround." It zipped through the air with a bug-like whine, returning to float above him.  "Not bad, eh?"

"Amazing. Very discreet."

"We'll see how it works." Tony called it to land in his hand, then placed it back in front of the magnifying glass.  He called up the blueprints and altered them to reflect the changes he had made. "How many can you make before the parade tomorrow?"

"Twenty seven point six by the official start time," Friday reported dutifully.

"Make it twenty-five, nice round number." Tony pushed the blueprints to Friday.  "Get going, no time like the present."

_Was_ that a round number? Steve felt way out of his comfort zone. Again, nothing new.

Tony stretched with a happy sigh.  "That didn't take as long as I thought."

"Listen, if you want me to make myself scarce for a while, just let me know."

Tony bit back a number of frustrated replies.  He had just finished working! And now Steve wanted to bail?  Subtle. "Whatever you wanna do, Cap."

"I'll... Um... I'll be around."

Tony sighed and leaned forward, clasping his hands.  "All right." He'd find something to do with himself. And where was Stuart? Well, the boy wasn't his slave. Or his son. He could do what he wanted.

"I... If there's anything I can do to help?"

"I dunno, I thought we could talk about tomorrow a little.  How you want to... _be_ , there."

"I... What?"

"Tomorrow.  We're going to be in a gay pride parade.  Are you looking to come out?" Tony scratched his hair awkwardly.  Whatever Steve did, it would say something about his sexuality, intentional or not.  He should own it.

"What does that mean, exactly?"

"I mean, if you just show up as a Guest of Honor, it'll say one thing.  If you show up kissing me, it'll say something else." And it was pretty fucking egotistical of Tony to talk like it was all about him, but what _he_ did kind of rested on what _Steve_ wanted…

"Would you be OK with that?" Steve sounded calmer than he felt. It would be a statement. And if Pepper came back - when Pepper came back, he would no longer be in the picture. How would people view that?

"If I did anything else," Tony sighed, "it'd be lying about... well, maybe not, but _I'd_ feel like I was lying, you know?  I've been so public about women," he shrugged.  And that was a macho thing. A power thing. But it was also about feelings, about love and lust.  It was hard to separate the real from the bullshit, but both were definitely there.

"Then I will stand by you. Anything you want."

"But that's what I'm asking you, Steve," Tony growled.  "What do _you_ want?   _You_ , Steve Rogers, man of flesh and blood, as far as I can tell?" Other than your real lover back?

"What I always want. The truth." He walked over and kissed Tony, like it was as easy as anything. And it was.

"The truth.  Sounds easy."  The truth that Tony was lost and lonely, and Steve might be, too?  The truth that Tony was a second choice for Steve, but if Pepper came back, Tony would be as legitimately torn - as he had always been, but with the _possibility_ of both making it all that much harder to decide? The truth that she might make that particular decision _for_ him?  The truth that all of his ego and wealth still left him with serious insecurities, and he was going to face them head-on at rocket speed tomorrow, and no fancy gold suit was going to help?

"Never is."

"Nope." Tony leaned back in his chair and looked straight into Steve's blue eyes.  "I'm scared. I'm scared of showing everyone in the whole damn city _that_ part of me.  I'm scared of how profoundly it's going to change this whole public image I've made for myself. I'm fuckin' scared of how everyone else is going to act, and how _I'm_ going to act."

"We don't have to do it." If it was that big a deal...

Like Tony wasn’t testy enough from dragging his mouldering soul out for Steve to see.  "Jesus, Steve! When I'm telling you about all of the things that I've been hiding from, don't try to stuff me back in the closet!"

"I'm... I'm sorry! I don't get how any of this works. OK? I don't understand the politics of it. All I'm trying to say is, I support you. No matter what." Was that wrong too?

"It's not _me_ , though!  It's not _me_ wanting something and you following behind with a big bag of 'support' and only handing me shit from it when I ask!  It's... we _both_ want this and we'll _both_ do it, or we don't, you know?  I want this enough to face all of my stupid fucking fears and insecurities, but I have to get it all _out_ of my brain.” Tony gestured violently.  “And I need you to slap me and tell me I'm being a fucking idiot and just need to _do_ it already, not back down because I'm..." Tony looked away, "scared."

"Tony....!" Steve hovered, not knowing what to do. "I'm sorry. This is more than I thought it would be. I don't know how to make it right. I want you. I want to support you. I will happily stand by you. But I don't want to do something that will hurt you."

“Face my fears like they're Thanos." Or more to the point, like they're the UN. Like me loving you is as right as your principles. ...but it wasn’t, was it. That was the rub, that was the ugly truth Tony always wanted to forget, but never could.  That’s why Steve was so hesitant. He had blown right through Tony for something he had _truly_ believed in, and there was no going back from that.  No un-eating of _that_ apple.

Thanos...! "And you want to acknowledge us. You and me, officially." He wasn't sure if rubbing Tony's shoulder was the right thing to do, but he did it anyway. "I want that. Of course I want that. It's... A million miles away from what I expected. Above and beyond. Tony, that would be incredible, and it's taking a while to sink in. That's all. I'm still wondering if it's OK for me to use your towels. I'm overwhelmed." His voice was going.

"Yeah, towels, dry your balls with my fucking towels..." Tony sighed, drained.

"I keep saying the wrong thing. I can tell. I just want..." First Bucky. Then Tony, this minor miracle, and now he's fucking that up? "I want you. Jesus, Tony. I don't want to fuck that up."

"But you want Bucky." Tony looked up at him, oddly calm.  All of the emotion had drained out of him, like a debrided wound. "If you had your choice. It's all right."

"But I chose to be with you. Is that what this is about? I made a choice. I'm not leaving you unless you want me to leave. I've made a commitment."

"That's not how it works." Tony looked off into the distance.  This wasn’t a corporate merger. This was feelings, and emotions, and they were messy and undisciplined, and should never be yoked by banal promises and circumstance.

"Then explain it to me. Tony, I come from a time where relationships were expected to be between men and women, and you got married or you didn't openly admit you had sex. And that never made sense to me, but even so I'm getting a little culturally whiplashed, here."

Tony looked at Steve. "Yeah. And I come from a time when you put your dick in a variety of women, if you're a Real Man. And even if you have sex with a man, you never talk about it meaning anything. About how much it hurts to know that you're the second choice."

"You really think that? That I'm just here because Bucky isn't?"

"It’s true. You would still be with him, if he were here."

"I never was with him! There was never an 'us'. He's a friend. I love him, and I always will, but I love you too. I don't know if there's a name for that, here in the future, but it's how I feel." And Tony would leave him for Pepper, but that had nothing to do with this. Steve was not so petty as to bring that up.

"But if he wanted.” Tony slid his hand up Steve’s solid hip.  All of his fear was drained out of him - just for a moment - and he only had want.  He _had_ to know where they stood, where they were, in order to let it all go, just for this moment.  He had to know that Steve wasn’t keeping some necessary datum from him - again - because he thought it would be too much for Tony to handle.  He had to show Steve that he _could_ handle it, if _Steve_ told him.

"He won't. He wouldn't." That touch was distracting. Steve swallowed.

“But if he did.” Jesus, Tony wanted him. Despite everything.  Or, perhaps, because of everything - it was tricky to tell the difference.  He grasped Steve’s hip firmly.

"I'd tell him I was already spoken for. Of course." What sort of person did Tony think he was? "I told you. I've made a commitment."

"But if I laid no claim to you.” Tony pulled him close, aching.  Steve wasn’t a plot of land to plant a flag on. There were no _claims_ , in this.  No ownership.

"If...if you didn't want me anymore, and he offered, then yes." What else was he supposed to say?

“You’re impossible.” Tony pulled him tight.  Taking so long, so many words, to say _yes, I love Bucky more, but he’s not here and I’m lonely_.  A simple statement, an easy truth, and then they could move on.

Steve melted into him, confused and not quite ready to be relieved. But needing this.

"I know you love Bucky,” Tony sighed, his lips moving against Steve’s. “But I need you.”  And I’m _here,_ and he’s not.  Tony was nothing if not pragmatic, when the situation called for it.  It wasn’t his favorite way of doing threesomes, but he would deal.

"I... I need you too." Love was a big word.

“Then show me, god damn it. I’m just… after you.  All the time.”

Steve kissed him with all the pent up frustration and confusion in him. He wrenched Tony around so he could straddle him, hard and wanting and lost.

Yes, physical desire, sex.  That, Tony could _accept_ , wholeheartedly. Could understand.  He pressed his body against Steve. “Show me you want me,” he breathed. “Show me what _you_ want.”

Steve nearly ripped his own belt off, then his zipper, taking Tony's hands and stuffing them down the back of his pants.

“Steve,” Tony sighed. “Need you.” He grabbed Steve’s buttocks, yanking the man against him.

"Right here." They had argued here. Fought. It seemed right.

Tony kissed Steve hard, greedily. He wanted to over-write Bucky, petty though it probably was.  And, yes, impossible though it _certainly_ was.  He just needed to _try_.  He grabbed for the lubricant he used on his suits.  Probably not a great idea to use it for this. But _this_ probably wasn’t a great idea, so what the hell.

Steve got off, already shirtless, pulling his pants down and off and jumping on the workbench. He pulled Tony to him.

Tony kissed him hard, his now-slippery fingers playing with Steve's entrance. "Fuck." A finger slid in, too easily.  Warm and soft, like a slick velvet embrace.

"In me." Important. The only thing that made sense right now.

Another finger. “Fuck. Steve.” He would take what he could get, even if it was being a surrogate for Bucky.

"Tony. Please."

Tony slicked himself up. Sliding into Steve was, again, far too easy. “I need you,” he gasped.

"Now. Please." Steve spread his legs wider.

“Steve,” Tony whimpered, pushing himself in fully. Flesh on flesh, skin on skin, warm and tight, almost painfully tight.  “Shit, I need you.”

It hurt, it was about as far from comfortable as you could get, and that was just right. Steve was used to the first two, and could use a lot more of the latter. He hooked his legs around Tony and egged him on.

Tony's breath caught at the intensity of it, how tightly he was being held. And... he wasn't wearing a condom. "This... all right?" he gasped.

Steve grunted in frustration, answering him with a kiss that nearly knocked them off balance.

Tony scrabbled at Steve with one hand and the workbench with the other, trying to stay steady as he pushed in, pulled out partway, pushed in again.

Better. There was a rhythm now, something into which Steve could lean and forget about everything else. He bit at Tony's lip.

Tony grunted at the sting of pain.  Yes, this was not optional. He needed this. How had he not realized before? All of the frustration and anger and jealousy - this, at least for the moment, assuaged it all. He settled into that, wanting to live in that moment, thrusting slowly, firmly.

"No one's seen me like this," Steve rasped. "Just you."

A confused sort of possessiveness took hold of Tony, and he grabbed Steve's hip more tightly. He didn’t quite believe it, but he would play along with it.

"Touch me!"

Tony let go of the bench to grab Steve's dick with his slippery hand. _Bet you never anticipated this, dad._ Fucking his dad’s old friend, the son his dad wished he had.

"Like that. Yeah." Steve steadied himself with his hands behind his back, and pushed himself on to Tony, against him, up into his touch.

Tony bent his knees slightly to get a better angle, stroking in time with his thrusts.  If he were only a little more limber, he could put his mouth on it. Okay, a lot more limber.  He shouldn’t have blown off those yoga classes.

"Yeah, come on..." Steve closed his eyes.

Stuart halted in the doorway, staring. OK. He really hoped Tony was going to wipe that down later. He slowly backed out and hurried to his room.

Tony stroked Steve faster. It was a little too awkward of a setup for him to come any time soon, but if Steve wanted to…

"Come in me. I want to look at you."

Well, shit. Tony dropped Steve’s erection and pushed him higher up onto the bench, a good angle for Tony to hold him tightly, move smoothly in and out.

"Fuck...!" Steve pushed back against the table, impaling himself, slamming back against it.

Jesus. Tony was going to break something, and it just might be himself.  He grabbed Steve’s erection again and stroked it hard and fast.

"Yeah... Tony... now... please..."

Tony stroked hard. "Come for me."

No, he wanted to... Steve yelled, caught in unaware as orgasm took him.

Tony dropped Steve's erection. He could focus, now, on his own orgasm, thrusting, panting, as Steve’s shivers squeezed him hard in waves.

Steve whimpered, all bravado quite literally beaten out of him. His eyes were wide, wanting, adoring, like his open mouth.

"Steve," Tony gasped, driving deep, coming with a moan.

"Tony." Quietly. Steve lay a hand on his back, patting him gently.

Tony’s hips twitched as he thrust and whimpered his way through his orgasm, then collapsed onto Steve's sturdy chest. "Fuck."

"...yeah." He felt calm. Safe.

"You okay?" Tony asked Steve's nipple.

"Perfectly."

"Good." Tony heaved a deep sigh. "I feel pretty good myself." His doubts and insecurities temporarily silenced. But he could feel them stirring again in the back of his mind, ready to come roaring back.  Just one more minute, he begged them. One uncomplicated minute to rest here, feeling Steve, smelling him, breathing him.

"But let's not do this, exactly, at the parade tomorrow."

"Yeah, Thor and Loki would try to one-up us." Tony instinctively grabbed for the condom, his fingers slipping on an edge that wasn't there. He eased himself out.

"Oh." That was different. He was... leaking. Well, of course, but it still felt so unexpected. He had to giggle.

"What?" Tony asked, grinning a little despite himself.

"I'm... I'm messing up your table a little here." He kept giggling, trying to get up without making it worse.

Tony grabbed a microfiber towel, mopping at the area in question. "Shit, this is Stuart's area now, too. We'll have to be careful."

"Oh my god!" The kid. That smart, sweet kid who Tony had, apparently, taken to bed just before he'd done the same with Steve. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Yeah, there wasn't a lot of thinking going on, there." To some extent, that was a good thing, but... Tony stepped back, flapping his shirt slightly to air out his torso. "Man. I need a shower again... Uh, usually I wear a condom..."

"That's... I mean, I haven't exactly..."

"...managed to pick up an STD as a virgin?"

"Well, exactly."

"I have - and this is truly an odds-defying sentence - managed to not pick any up."

"Then... good." Right?

"It's also... some people think it's respectful anyway... less messy…” Tony sighed. “Whatever you want."

"I like it this way." Life was messy.

"Then we'll keep doing that." Would they? Keep... doing that?  His brain was already disturbing his momentary peace, noting all of the concerns and qualifiers around that.

"Good." Dammit, how did you... keep it from dripping? "I definitely need a shower."

"Take one, then. We have the technology." Tony tugged his jeans back on, then started to pick up and sort out the tools and projects that they had scattered. "I'm going to wait until my haircut. I always need to shower off those little clips..."

"I don't really have a choice." He grinned. "Let me see if I can make it back to my room without getting intercepted.”

"We have a fairly inconvenient set of house guests..." Tony picked up a half-sphere of metal. Not his, so it must be Stuart's. He put it off to the side.

"Wish me luck." 


	13. Chapter 13

"Uh." Well. Steve didn't know what to do with this.

Loki did not look up from where he sat cross-legged on the floor, turning the ring in his hands with interest.  Such subtle seiðr! "Really, my choice may be dictated by which ones you and Tony wish to keep to play with."

"That's…” He blushed, furiously. “We don't...!"

"Really? You should try it. I have a feeling it would just be scraping the surface of Tony's sexual adventurousness. Yours, too, perhaps."

"And _I'd_ say that's really none of your business." His eyes widened. "Are you... Did you put that around your, uh..." he cast about for a polite term before realizing there wasn’t one.

"It works astonishingly well," Loki noted.  "I can't imagine Shuri would approve."

"Then you don't know her very well," Steve muttered. If anything, Shuri would have been surprised if it _hadn’t_ happened.

"Interesting.” Loki looked up at Steve.  “I'll have to keep that in mind. When I take her form - or yours - my brother seems pleased."

"You did _what?_ "

"When you are a master of illusion, why bore your partner with one form?"  Norns, Loki had missed this. Pure, straightforward mischief. Eliciting reactions.  It was nothing but _fun_.

Thor probably loved that, Steve mentally sighed. "And what if I don't like the idea of you using my form to fornicate?"

"Are you offering to fornicate with him directly?"

"You'd kill me if I tried." He sighed, "Listen, I'm going to take a shower. Do you mind getting out of here? We have this concept of privacy, here on Earth."

"Such odd little concepts you have," Loki sighed. He slipped the bracelet off and stood, putting his clothes back in place. "I like these. Oh, before I go - one odd little datum. There is only one form I have found so far that my brother does not find appealing."

"What on Earth makes you think I'd want to know?" Steve was already in the bathroom, door ajar.

"Well, it _is_ your paramour."

"Yeah, great, thanks. For that mental image."

"No charge." Loki grinned with all of his teeth, picked up the other bracelet and controlling ring, and left.

He heard Thor’s voice on the way back to their room, and poked his head into the dining hall.  "Making new friends, brother?"

Thor smiled, a little less effusively than usually. "Young Stuart here is teaching me the sigils of the Pride Festival."

"They're flags, actually." A collection of holograms were spread out in the air over the table.

"What is the intent of the flags?" Loki stepped in, curiously.  Was there to be a battle? Tony had made it sound like a muted festival of fecundity...

"They represent different identities. You know, sexual, gender..." Stuart frowned. No, they probably didn't know. Thor had nodded and smiled appreciatively, but he seemed to do that a lot.

"Various identities?" Loki liked the sound of that. "Such as?"

"Well..." Stuart waved his hands at the holograms, which shifted and moved with his gestures. "These right here, they represent sexual orientations. Like, who you're attracted to, who you want to have sex with, fall in love with. That sort of thing. And these ones over here," he pointed to the other group, "represent different gender identities."

"Who I want to have sex with?" Loki asked, incredulously. "Thor has his own flag??" That seemed unsustainable.

"It's, uh, not really that detailed." Just one person? Stuart was impressed, despite himself.

"I don't think that's what he means, brother."

"Then what _does_ he mean?"

"Some people prefer women, some prefer men... surely you know this," Thor replied. Loki had interfered in enough love lives, over the centuries.

"Ah, what _class_ of people one desires to have sex with." Loki nodded. That was more reasonable. "My brother and I differ in that."

 _Brothers_. Stuart was still hung up on that. He shouldn't be, he supposed; it took all kinds. And it wasn't like they were human. "That's not uncommon. In a couple, I mean."

"What do _you_ prefer, young Stuart?"  Did he, like Thor, desire women as much as men?

Thank god. Which they… no, don’t think about that. Too complicated. Talking about himself was so much easier. "Now, me, I like guys. Pretty simple."

"And is there a flag for that?"

"Not specifically. But this one covers everything." He pointed to the rainbow flag, hovering in the background, larger than the rest.

"The Bifrost," Loki said, approvingly.

"Now, this one here is for people who like men and women, or, you know, whatever."

"Bisexual," Thor nodded, proud to have remembered.

"I will never understand that, brother."  Loki shook his head.

"How so?"

"Women?" Loki made a face.

Stuart laughed. "Yeah, me neither."

"It is a matter of preference," Thor huffed. Loki was female too; surely some of the appeal should be obvious?

"Guide us through the rest of the sigils, good Stuart." Loki stepped close.

"OK, sure." Stuart liked showing things. It was a little bit like teaching, wasn't it? "This one right here, that's asexuality. For folks who don't feel sexual attraction."

"How very interesting." It must make life substantially simpler.  Loki created a duplicate of it, just to keep in practice.

"Oh, that's neat." Stuart swirled the flags around. "There's a bunch of them - which ones do you want to know about?"

"Tell us about these 'identities'," Loki demanded.

"What, the gender ones?"

Thor watched the swirling colors fly past. So many. A joy, indeed. The darkness of his mind faded more to the background.

"Yes. There are more than two? I need to practice."

"Hell yeah!" Stuart grinned, pulling up a small subset. "That one right there is genderfluid. You can figure that one out, I guess. It's when you move between genders."

"This is my flag?" Loki wondered.

"That certainly describes you," Thor mused.

All right, Stuart noted, trying not to react. "Now this one is genderqueer. That's basically when you're none of the above, or both, or in between other genders."

"Oh." Loki cocked his head. Was _this_ more accurate? So many fine distinctions! In Asgard, it had been boy, girl, and if neither, not worth discussing…

"Ah! On Asgard, our categories were more inclusive. Some men have children, some women fathered them." He shrugged.

Thor’s experience, it seemed, had been rather different from his own.  As usual. "Yet Odin fathered most of all," Loki grumbled. Such extreme disrespect for their mother, planting his seed in whoever drew his fancy in the moment.

"What's that one over there?"

"Oh." Stuart brought it to the front. "This one is for people who have relationships with more than one person at a time."

"Really. That has a flag," Loki said, tightly.  The Midgardians celebrated Odin’s misbehavior.

"Sure. I don't know too much about it." After all, he'd only ever had the opportunity to sleep with one person, and had broken that off right away, and Stuart didn't know what the hell that made him. "It's outside the norm. All of these are."

"It’s vile and disrespectful,” Loki said, shortly.

"Excuse me?"

Thor widened his eyes.

“What, Thor, you disagree?” Loki asked, acidly, noting his response.  “You think Odin was _kind_ and _respectful_ to _your mother_?”

"I don't see what that they have to do with this."

Stuart look a step back.

“Sex with whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted, an array of bastards in a number that dwarfed his issue with his _wife_?”

"Woah!" Stuart had retreated to the other side of the table, and Thor had instinctively moved between him and Loki. "I'm not talking about _cheating_."

"That is exactly what you described!” Loki spat.

"No! People having relationships with more than one person, where everyone knows and agrees that it's OK."

Thor kept his place. Loki's eyes were wild. It did not do to disturb him in that state.

"Who would agree to that?   _I_ have little enough self-esteem, and even so!” Loki gestured sharply at Stuart.

"Sometimes, they all want to." Shit, Stuart had no idea how any of this worked, to be honest. He just knew it didn't work like _that_.

Loki sat, shaking his head.  “Midgardians,” he muttered.

Thor tried to give Stuart a consoling look, but he doubted the boy got it.

"I don't really get it myself. Like I said. But I know some people like it."

Loki picked at his hands, his mind racing.  Frigga had never showed how much it hurt, overtly, but Loki could tell, as he grew out of boyhood. He could read the tightness around her eyes and the tightness of her voice when Odin revealed another dalliance, another bastard.  Who would _choose_ that?

"We do not know their ways. But young Stuart has a point; if all were agreed; if there was no betrayal..."

"Are you making a request, brother?" And if he did... and that was the only option, for Thor to be happy… well.  That was an insight, wasn’t it.

"No! You know that. Didn't I just say, before?"

"All else is not my business," Loki decided.  He would have to think further on this.

"That's... good?"

"What's going on here?" Steve rubbed at his still-damp hair.

Loki shrugged. How could they all be so sanguine?

"Hey Captain Rogers." Stuart tried not to make it obvious that he wasn't meeting Steve's eyes. "Just showing the Asgardians some Pride flags.”

"Oh! I've read about these... I don't recognize that one, though."

Stuart hurriedly switched to another view, showcasing the lesbian flag. "That's... I don't know too much about that one."

"They were just discussing the Midgardian predilection for multiple partners.  Is this one you share, Steve?"

"It's... I don't think we have one?" Steve looked to Stuart for confirmation. Granted, he'd been out of the loop a bit.

"It's just a preference some people have," Stuart tried.

"Ah, so you are unfamiliar with it." And what did Steve think of it, Loki mused.

"Oh right.” Steve shrugged. “I guess it's what some people like." He noticed Thor was leaning on the table, watching them both carefully.

“So you consider it acceptable behavior?” And if it were, that affected the legitimacy of jealousy, which Loki found a very useful emotion… but really, was it fundamentally different from him taking alternate forms to tease and please Thor?  Yes, it was, it _must be_ , because Loki wasn’t _Odin_ … except when… he had been, for years, Odin.  And none had been suspicious. Well.

"It's... not for me, I don't think?" _Tony_. "But if it's consensual, and everyone agrees to the arrangement, then why not?"

Loki grinned without joy, showing his teeth.  “I must find some who _agrees_ to such an arrangement to discuss it with, then.”

"You could go on the internet, I guess," Stuart suggested.

"Do _not_ let Loki lose on the internet," Thor warned.

"The what?” Loki asked with interest.  If Thor did not want him there, he _had_ to find out more!

"It's this vast information system - everything is on there."

"What did I just say?!"

"How do I access it?” Loki stepped close to Stuart.  “Is it similar to the tablet from back in Wakanda?"

"Here we go," Thor muttered. There would be no stopping him now.

"Yeah, you could access it from a tablet." Stuart handed him one. Information shouldn't be restricted. And maybe it would save him having to explain a lot of things.

"Interesting." Very similar to the tablet back in his hut, except that the background was a picture of Stuart with his arms around a younger boy and an older woman.  They had similar features - his family, perhaps. Loki hopped on to the sideboard and sat, cross-legged, searching for _multiple partners_.

Thor gave Stuart another apologetic look.

"So." Steve waved at the holograms. "You using this for anything?"

"Maybe," Stuart said, relieved to be talking about something else. "I was thinking, if any of you wanted some custom gear, I could make it. I don't mean clothes;" he added, quickly, "but like, armor, that sort of thing."

"Tony had discussed my brother wearing some sort of ceremonial armor." The History on this browser was proving very entertaining. Loki appreciated _this_ view of history.

"Yeah, something like that."

"And you would put flags according to our preferences on this armor?" Loki asked.

"That... is actually a really good idea," Steve mused. He knew a thing or two about symbolic gestures.

"And what flags would those be?" Loki asked, looking over the top of the tablet at Steve.

"You'd have to tell me,” Stuart hastened to clarify. “Uh, and you don’t _have_ to do it, it was just a suggest-"

"A grand suggestion,” Thor clasped his shoulder. “I will study these and tell you which flags I favor."

Steve smiled. "Yeah, I like the idea."

"I meant for _you_ , Captain," Loki told Steve, relentlessly.

"Me?" Steve walked closer to the display. "I suppose this one." If he remembered correctly. Pink, purple and blue.

"Uh, bisexual." Stuart made a note.

"Really? _You_ like women, too?" Loki asked Steve.

"Yes?" Was that so hard to believe?

Loki shook his head with a sigh, turning back to the very interesting visuals on Stuart's tablet.

"They make up half the population on most planets whose dominant species favor sexual reproduction, you know."

Stuart tried not to look as surprised as he felt. Thor didn't look like the guy who'd use that sort of vocabulary.

"Yes, and I am one of them.  But if you favor men, I don't know why you'd bother with women." Loki flipped his hand airily.

Steve blanched. "You're a what?"

“A woman.  When I want to be.  But if you like them - perhaps, more often?” Loki raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"I... didn't know you could do that." Was that a new thing, too? Could anyone? No, wait; that was a stupid question. Or was it? So much was so vastly different...

"He can." Thor moved up to Loki's side, meeting Steve's look evenly.

"So it’s not anything particularly against the form, I’m just familiar with both, and have my preference.” Loki frowned at the tablet, then turned 90 degrees.  Oh, _that’s_ what that was…

What was he looking... oh. Thor took a step back, and tried to regain his focus.

"Fair enough." Steve was well past the point of surprise.

Ah, Thor was reading over his shoulder.  “We could endeavor to recreate this?” Loki tilted the tablet towards Thor to give the man a better view.

"I'm... not sure my spine bends like that." Perhaps Midgardians were differently built?

"If only your brother were some sort of sorcerer…” Loki swiped to the next set of photos.  This tablet was a _magnificent_ machine.

"Anyway, great work Stuart. If you can come up with something that would fit my, uh, look, I'd much appreciate it."

"Sure." He could do a LOT with Steve's _look_.

"His looks do seem to be generally popular.” Loki enjoyed needling Steve so greatly.  Thor’s attraction to the Captain was part of it, probably.

Steve tried not to glare at him. He wasn't angry - just a little confused. He would have to talk to Loki alone at some point.

Loki waited until the silence got just a hair uncomfortable.  “And how will you be attired, young Stuart?”

Him? Stuart glanced over his shoulder. "I haven't really decided yet."

"You will have me in tow, according to Tony’s plans,” Loki reminded him.

"And what form will you take, brother?” Thor leaned against him from the side, feeling the cold familiarity of his skin. “Would you have young Stuart design something for it?"

"I thought my Midgardian form, if you approve.” Loki made the subtle shift to the warmer tones.

"That will never not be eerie. But useful," Steve admitted.

"It was ever useful, when we were young.  Many were the young maidens of Asgard who thought they had captured my brother’s heart.  I made assignations and sent Thor to them, unknowing.” Loki smiled gently - again, that joy at being able to _remember_.

"You..." Thor reddened. He had thought them confused and infatuated. He'd tried to let them down gently, but he'd been a bit harsh with one or two, not understanding their insistence. "That was cruel, brother."

Loki laughed delightedly.  “It was great fun!” He made himself into the mirror image of Thor.  “I did not have to work to enchant them,” he noted in Thor’s broad voice.  “They practically fell into my lap!”

Steve took a step back. Stuart nearly fell off his chair. "It was cruel," Thor said again, but gently. "And you know it."

"There would have been much crueler ways to assuage my jealousy, and you know it.” Loki changed back to his Midgardian form.

"Saying 'I could have done worse' doesn't actually help." Thor kissed his cheek.

"That’s a bit of a problem, brother – it’s more or less my motto,” Loki noted.

That shouldn't make Thor grin. It did, nonetheless.

"I should get back to the lab," Stuart said, putting action to word.

"And if I weren’t the evil brother,” Loki noted, “you wouldn’t be the good brother, now, would you?”

"We're none of us either of those."

"Perhaps not, but nobody sentient doubts where we each land on the spectrum.” Loki shrugged.

Thor smiled. "Somewhere in the middle?"

Steve had become invisible, even, it seemed, to Loki. He slinked off, oddly pleased.

"Your friend can be the arbiter of…” Steve had left the room, Loki noted.  “Ah, well. Young Stuart has not known us as long.”

"You're determined to find a flag for that too, aren't you?” Thor spread his arms wide.  “Prince Loki of Asgard, designated evil."

Loki drummed his fingers on the edge of the tablet thoughtfully.  “It does have a certain ring to it.”

So glib. Always. Thor leaned in closer still. "It's easy to be evil, isn't it?"

Loki looked at him sharply. "What do you mean, _easy_?"

"No nuances. No room for improvement or redemption. You don't have to think about consequences; you are what you are. You can't help it. It's your,” he punctuated with a grin, “nature."

"No one _wants_ me to be redeemed," Loki snapped.  He had gathered ample evidence of that. "Why fight it?"

"I do."

"Intermittently, and on your own. Where were your hopes for redemption when I was in a cell? When you were forming your _Avengers_?" Loki felt preternaturally calm. Old territory, often trodden. _Good_ did not suit him. When he tried it on, it was always pain and death. He would kill Thanos properly, by trickery and evil.

"I did not hope. I _knew_ you were not evil."

"You thought me pathetic. Unmanly. Incapable of the strength of purpose to be evil."  That had been a promise of Thanos’s. _He will cease to dismiss you.  He will respect you_.

"I thought you kind and clever and too intelligent to be evil." Thor did not raise his voice. He was reasonable, wasn’t he? These were true things, he assured himself. Had to be.

"I did _tricks_ , I recall you noting.  Always in your shadow, helpful when you needed me, shameful when you did not."

"I always needed you." Thor moved to stand before him, looking up at him, for once. "I just didn't know I did."

"You _what_?"

"I was young and arrogant. I thought myself invincible."

Loki fiddled with the tablet. "The one thing I desired was the one thing I could not have. Your respect."

"I underestimated you."

"How many times did I die before you stopped?" Loki turned the tablet in his hands nervously.

"None," Thor said, quietly. He had known when things went bad. When it was too late. Before Odin cast him out. Before he fell.

"I don't believe that."

"I know. I know you don't." Thor looked down. He leaned against the sideboard, hands on either side of Loki.

Loki found himself cringing back slightly. Would he ever _not_ do that?

Always. Always that cringe. Thor couldn't deal with it, not right now. He pulled back, sitting down by the table.

"You always do that!" Loki cried, petulantly leaping off of the sideboard. "Tell me you care, make me hope - then pull away!"

"You're flinching away from me!” Thor yelled, “you _fear_ me!"

"Old habits die hard.  Will you always hold that against me?"

"I don't hold it against you; it shames me! If you fear me, that's my doing!" He pushed the chair back with a screech.

"So shall we keep this dance going?" Loki spread his arms. "I fear you, you're ashamed, you withdraw, I cleave to the evil side of my nature out of spite?"

"There is no _evil side_ to your nature, _you stubborn, infuriating man-child!_ " Thor got to his feet, squaring his shoulders. So, Loki feared him? Let him fear this.

"I am always a child to you!" Loki yelled back. Weak and immature, in Thor’s eyes, not fit to lead.  Stubborn and infuriating - _that_ , Loki owned.

"I would hardly bed a child!" Thor crowded him, forcing Loki back.

"I wanted to bed you when I was but a child!" Loki cried, pushing at him, embarrassed.

"I was a child then too, fathead!" As were they both now, regressing to a simpler time.

"Why did you think I was always pranking you?" Loki punched him gently in the arm.

"I didn't know what to think; you confused me!"

"I was confused as well!  You knew everything about sex, I thought _you_ would know..." and had merely decided he was uninterested.

"Why didn't you come to me for comfort? Had you touched me, I would have given you the same in return."

"I was afraid.  I thought you only liked girls." Loki looked aside.  "I could not have borne it if you mocked me, not for _that_." Something beyond the normal jibes for being bookish and tricky, something more fundamental.

"I'm sorry." The anger seeped out of him. There was so much more emotion in him than usual, so much pain. So much anger. He needed a counterpoint. "Sorry for now, sorry for then."

"I am, too." Loki picked at his fingers.  "It was not merely women who propositioned me when I took your form, so long ago.  It just seemed so easy for you - so reasonable to think that if you wanted me, there would be no reason to hesitate." Loki shrugged.  "It was very different to my own experience, brother. As was having the form of Odin."

"I'm not sure I want to know." Thor cringed.

"You don't want to know what it was like for me, or for Odin? I'm assuming you're familiar with what it was like as yourself."

"You know what I mean. Father was... His own brand of special."

"He had power," Loki said, simply. "Everyone wants that. And sex is an easy way to associate with it, I suppose. I had endless offers, in his form." His lip twisted.

"I can't even imagine."

"Well, it was a lot like when I was you, I just didn't empathize."

"You know," Thor sighed, "That I want only you? You must know."

"I think about that a lot," Loki sighed. "I want you so much it terrifies me."

"What can I do? What can I say to make you trust me?"

"I don't trust myself." Loki touched Thor's cheek. "I don't trust my jealousy. I don't trust my appeal, my... allure."

"Then come with me to this celebration. See what I refuse, what I turn down in favor of you."

"I... it is difficult for me to understand my own mind," Loki sighed, yet again. "I take the form of others, partly as jest, but also - to understand what appeals to you. To not have you compromise on me."

"Compromise? How?"

Loki looked away. "That you never feel like you're missing out. Choosing less by choosing me. Especially after finding out," Loki shrugged, "that I'm your only real option, physically." On Midgard, for now, at least.

"What? Of course not. Many people here are my match in strength. Steve Rogers," he began to tick off on his fingers.

Loki nodded. "And?" Thor liked Steve. In that _tight_ outfit that showed off his penis.

"... And others like him. Anyway, it's a moot point. I do not want them."

"Why not? He is of a kind with your morality." And sexual preference.

"Morality?"

"Your sense of _goodness_ and _honor_ and _sport_."

Thor snorted. "Sport..."

"You know what I mean," Loki growled.  The type of man who waits for his opponent to pick the sword back up, to win fairly.  Because he could. Loki could not, so he had no room to be _sporting_.  It would have killed him long ago.

"It does not matter; don't you see that? Do you want to bed anyone who shares your point of view?"

"No. I only want to bed you. But _everyone_ does, you see." _Loki’s_ attraction was understandable.

"If we were bonded, could you see? Would you trust me, then?"

"I don't know," Loki replied.  "I've never done anything like it."  It terrified him. Because yes, he would see Thor's perspective - but then, Thor would see his.  He would see how petty and mean and small Loki was.

"Then we _must_ do it. Soon. This pains me."

"Then let us go to our room to practice the seiðr," Loki sighed with resignation.  This would not be easy.

Something practical, tangible, _finally_. "Yes. At once."

Loki took Thor’s hand, leading him back to their rooms, recalling the seiðr to douse unintended fires.

* * *

"Oh, honey," the stylist sighed, running her hands through Tony's hair.  "You waited too long."

"I've been busy," Tony noted.  "And Harry always likes a little advance notice..."

"Yeah, well, he ain't here, and even when he is, I don't need the same notice, all right?  So just call when you're getting this shaggy, Jesus." She pulled out her clipper and attacked his hair.

"You know, I like a woman who can slap me around a little..." Tony grunted as she pushed his head to the side and ran the clipper up, firmly.

"Got a lot to get through today," she interrupted, "and I'm in a hurry to get to your good-lookin' friend." She grinned at Steve, then turned back to Tony, cleaning the sides and the back efficiently before putting the clippers away and reaching for the scissors.  Tony shrugged helplessly at Steve.

Steve smiled at her, a little nervously.

She grabbed Tony's hair and zipped the scissors across it, three directions, then again, then again, neatening the overgrowth.  "I like efficiency," Tony started to say.

"And I like this part, because you have to shut your mouth." She took the clipper, set the guard, and ran it over his face.

Steve had to hold on to the edge of what he hoped was a table behind him, not to reach out and pull her away. She... she seemed like a professional? A professional hairdresser who triggered his combat instincts.

"Don't breathe, honey." She zipped the clipper across his face in a few directions, then switched to the trimmer, shaping it. "All right, take a look."

Tony ran his hand over his chin, looking in the mirror.  "Not bad." Very neat and tidy, just on the good side of 'severe.'

"Best I can do with what the Lord gave you. All right, up, let's get to your friend."

"Good to meet you ma'am," Steve said, managing not to sound anything but calm and friendly. "I'm Steve Rogers."

"Mister Rogers? Really?  Well, welcome to _my_ neighborhood!" She gestured grandly towards her chair.

"Remember," Tony murmured to him, clapping him on the shoulder, "you're superhuman."

"Thank you." He sat down, more than a little anxious. That was probably some reference he wasn't catching; god help him, his mind wasn't all there right now.

She ran her fingers through his hair approvingly. "So silky! How do you like it?"

"Truth be told ma'am, I like it like this. But I thought I'd clean it up some for the parade."

"Goodness, yes. I'll give you a properly gay look. It'll be lovely." She took the clippers, put the guard back on, and started to trim his hair - quickly, but carefully, gently.

That was... nice. Comfortable. Well, not entirely; his fight or flight response was still up there, but he did enjoy what she was doing to his hair.

"Wow," Tony noted as she moved from clippers to scissors, efficiently and gently cutting, "that _is_ a _super_ gay look."

"It is?" Steve peered at his reflection. It just looked like a haircut, to him.

"Yeah. Totally."  It was exactly the way he used to wear it, back at the compound.

"Will that... send the wrong message?" Steve really had no idea how these things worked. Or was he considered gay too. Was it an umbrella term, now? Who knew.

"Do you like men, honey?" She snipped the font fade to the back carefully.

"Sure,” Steve answered, before considering what she might actually mean by that.

"Then it won't send the wrong message."

"I suppose." It was a bit like walking into a restaurant in a city where you didn't know the language, and hope you didn't order something offensive.

"God help you if you like _that_ man, though." She neatened the back with a comb, laughing. Tony grinned, delighted.

Steve couldn't help but laugh with her. "Is it that bad?"

"Oh, yeah. Sweet little thing like you with that dickhole?" She laughed again "Well, you're better than he deserves."

She was, Tony noted, quite right. It was a theme.

"I don't mean to contradict a lady, but I've done my share of dickish things." The edges of his mouth twitched a little, watching Tony out of the corner of his eye.

"Maybe a little less than your share. Or more, but still..." Tony mused.

"What I've found, ma'am, is looks can be deceiving. I know I don't look it, but I used to be a scrawny little thing, when I was younger. And really, all that changed was the outside of me; I was the same person then as I am now. But people see this..." he waved a hand over his chest, his arms, his legs, "and they think what they think."

"You had the same face when you were younger," Tony noted. Did he think that super serum gave him his _perfect teeth_? In his perfect face?

"That's not my point. People look at you differently. You know what I mean."

"It changes things. How people see you, and, like it or not, eventually, how you act." Like a certain metal suit.  That, Tony understood.

Steve blinked. Did it? This body still felt wrong, unfamiliar at the best of times. He knew how to use it; that was a skill, and he was a fast learner, but it wasn't home. Sometimes he wondered if it ever could be. But was Tony right? Was he changing? "Anyway," said, feigning ignorance, "you can't tell a book by its cover. And I think that applies to more than just me." He looked at Tony.

"But it gives you a sense of the genre, usually."

"Really fuckin' subtle." She put a little gel on her hand and swept the front lock to the side. "How's that?"

"That looks great." He felt... younger.

"It's you. It's very you." Tony leaned back against the counter as she pulled off the smock and brushed Steve's neck with a warm towel.

"You know," Steve grinned, "I think maybe it is." After all, he was the arbiter of that. He could decide what he was.

"Good." The stylist brought the reader over to Tony.  He put his wrist to it, then punched in a sturdy tip. "Now it's my turn for a shower." He rubbed at the itchy, fine hair fragments on the back of his neck.

"You look good."

"I do, don't I?  It's how I accessorize." Tony slung an arm over Steve's shoulders.

"You don't need it," Steve blushed. Would he ever stop thinking about Tony as the big, unattainable guy? The one who would never deign to look at him?

"It's what I do.  Hey," Tony looked around as they stepped out onto the sidewalk, "you know, there's something that's been on my mind, and it's random as hell, but I just need to get it off my chest..."

"Sure... Shoot."

"So, you know - Loki... I spent a little time with him when he was invading New York.  Shooting the breeze, trying to get him to monolog and waste a little of his own time... and I gotta tell you.  He smelled bad. I mean, not like a person smells bad, but..." Tony shook his head, "but like a chemistry experiment gone very wrong."

"Uh." Whatever Steve had expected, it was not that. "You mean like an actual smell?"

"Yeah, it was... something.  Sharp. Acidic. And this morning - yeah, his arms were burnt and it smelled like I left a steak on the grill too long, but I was close enough to notice - under that, he smelled a little like Thor.  You know, like springtime and fresh grass, like you're a kid again."

"So... What exactly are you saying?"

"I don't know what I'm saying, Cap, it just struck me.  It was really different." It was pleasing, the way Steve's body moved as they walked, hips brushing against his own with every other step.

"I guess it means he's doing better?"

"I dunno.  Maybe.” It was all so much speculation, at the moment.  “It does kind of go along with the not-killing-people he's into at the moment."

Steve froze. Chemical. Shit. "Tony," he said, quietly. "Did that smell remind you of anything?"

"...maybe." This was a nasty road they were going down, wasn't it.

"Thor keeps saying he was being controlled. That someone was inside Loki's mind." Could this be it? Proof of Thanos's presence?

"I mean, yeah, that evil grape smelled... a lot like that."  Accounting for the weird air on Titan. Tony had been uncomfortably close to him, smelled his toxic breath.  Industrial, inhuman. Tony pulled away to stand in front of Steve, walking backwards. "So we're dealing with a guy who can control minds.  How? Is this _another_ watch-out?"

"I've been thinking too. Thor isn't stupid. But he keeps insisting Loki wasn't being himself. But Loki says he was. I know Thor is biased but..." He shook his head. "What if Thanos can make you think you're acting on your own. Maybe that's how he controls people."

Tony leaned against a lamp-post thoughtfully.  "That's heavy."

"He's preying on the weak. It fits. He's exploiting those who think they're not good enough, not worthy, who think they are already evil."

"It's not the craziest hypothesis," Tony said, thoughtfully.  "Tough to test. I mean, other than me being around him and not turning Team Purple." Although that might have had more to do with Thanos just… not needing him to get the Stones.

"Maybe... Thor and Loki seem to have some sort of telepathy thing going."

"So we should ask Thor to dig out that time that Thanos supposedly turned Loki?"

"... Not a nice idea, is it."

"No. I wonder if Loki can show _me_.  I'd really like to know, you know?"  And judge his own vulnerability, Tony pondered.

"You could always ask..."

"Yeah, I think I will."  He'd take Loki’s defensive sexual jibes.  Hell, they were almost comforting. Familiar.  He understood them, understood where they came from and why they took that form.

"Just... Be careful. I can't imagine that's a happy memory."

"You know me, I'm the master of tact."  Tony rolled his eyes.

"Practically the god of it."

Tony grinned.  "I'll have to ask if there's an opening for the God of Assholes." He pushed himself off of the lamp-post, taking Steve's arm.

"I could get used to that."

"What, me being the God of Assholes?  The sacrifices are _interesting_."

"That too! But," he tried to gesture to the two of them, "I meant this."

"Yeah..." He would get _un_ used to it damn quickly if Bucky were still here.  If that... finger-snap were reversible. "Me, too." And that was dangerous.

* * *

Loki swept through the bedroom door like a thunderstorm's younger brother, slamming it shut behind him.  "I have had a most fruitful afternoon, brother!" he grinned.

Thor put his book down, straightening in the chair. “That's never a good sign."

"Oh, no thought that I might have had a wonderful afternoon _redeeming_ myself?" Loki laughed, jumping onto the windowsill. "I thought you were convinced of my goodness, brother!"

"Just tell me. You're dying to."

"I have spent a productive afternoon taking my fill of Stark's mind."

Thor stared. "What?"

"He invited me to share thoughts and memories, and I was delighted to agree."

"Norns..." Thor rubbed his forehead.

"It was a most interesting experience. His lust is insatiable and wide-ranging."  He had Loki’s desire, but less focus. Did it make things less or more difficult, Loki wondered…

"...insatiable?" Thor made a face. Loki was one to talk.

"I did not delve too deeply into that, but it seems there are very few he would turn down, if offered." Loki shrugged.  "His loves, however, are very interesting. Only two of note, and they are highly complicated in very different ways."

"Really." Sarcasm dripped from Thor's voice.

Loki chuckled.  "Aren't you curious how he feels about your _good friend_ Steve?"

"Why would I be?"

"Because his insecurities run the risk of sabotaging their relationship." Again, a distressingly familiar feeling.

"Surely that's his business?"

"And surely the well-being of the people of New York is their own business.  Yet you interfere regularly," Loki noted.

"Relationship problems are of a slightly less important nature."

"Mm, yes, when has jealousy and insecurity in relationships ever driven anyone to Thanos's arms?  Or would-be allies to almost kill each other?"

"Have you heard the term 'drama queen?' You should look it up, it's really useful."

"I looked up the definition on Stuart's tablet.  It just had a picture of me." Loki grinned wickedly.

"All right." Thor was beginning to enjoy this, despite himself. "Just tell me. “

"Tony's father frequently used Steve as a tale of self-betterment. Showing him photos of the lad before the physical improvement his father wrought. Tony was ever jealous of the affection his father showed to a boy he had not met.  And yet, enamoured of the lad himself."

Thor grunted. "Families."

"In some strange ways," Loki noted thoughtfully, "they are not dissimilar to us. Tony always thought himself lesser, in his father's esteem, than Steve, and his bitterness battled his affection."

"Fascinating," Thor mumbled.

"He is convinced that _Bucky_ ," what a bizarre name, even by Midgardian standards, "is the one true love of Steve's life, that if there is any hope to reverse Thanos's action, it will extinguish Steve's affection for him. And yet he works towards that goal, like a man condemned, hoping and then hating himself for hoping."

"Really," Thor noted, "you should write novels."

"With such inspiration as this," Loki waved his hand in the general direction of Tony's bedroom, "the muses could languish in Hela's realm for all I would need them."

"And this is all useful, to you?"

"It is intriguing and interesting. You are bored by it?" Loki asked, incredulous.

"It bothers me." Thor settled back into his chair. "I don't like knowing too much about the private lives of others."

"Hmm, then I will go commiserate with young Stuart." Loki hopped off of the windowsill.

"Don't... bother the boy." Thor softened, uneasily caught between regret and embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I know you care for these things."

Loki paused.  "I hate to make you uncomfortable," he lied.

Thor's lips twitched. "Liar."

"What else is new?" Loki crossed his arms, tapping his lip thoughtfully with a fingernail.  "Perhaps this is the appeal of young Stuart, to Stark. He reminds him of the Captain before his conversion."

"Has he changed that much?"

"It is difficult to know. I only have Tony's memories of his father's stories."

Thor nodded. "Parents. Tricky."

"I'm glad it's not just us."  Loki spread his arms.

"By no means." All this was good and well, but... "And what did you give in exchange for this boon of information?"

Loki shrugged. "A memory of Thanos."

"A _what_?!" Thor was out of his chair before the words left him.

Loki picked at his fingers.  He had upset Thor, somehow, _again_.  Fantastic.  "From when he convinced me to follow him."

Thor left the room without another word. Stark. Confound it. What was he up to now?

Loki followed. This had possibilities.

* * *

Tony stumbled into Steve's room.  "Holy shit, man." His eyes were wide.

"Tony." Steve was up in a second, rushing over, ready for anything. "How did it go?"

Tony collapsed to a seated position on the bed. "I got what I asked for.  Thanos is one stone cold motherfucker."

"You saw him?"

"I saw Loki's memory of him." Tony pulled in a shaking breath.  "Good Christ, Steve, he _tortured_ the guy.  No wonder he acts like he does.  I'd be insane too."

Steve fell silent. "That's worse than I thought," he said, eventually.

"You can't imagine.  I'm serious, Steve, I've been through some shit.  That guy activated every pain receptor in my body the other night, and still, what _Thanos_ did..." Tony took a deep breath.  "Bad. Real bad."

"Jesus..."

"Steve." Tony grabbed his hand.  "We _have_ to get that guy."

"We will," Steve said, resolutely.

Tony leaped up, grabbing Steve's massive upper arms.  "I mean it. I just had Friday send out more probes. We have to find him.  I'm going to start building once this damn parade is over. Old stuff that I buried when I stopped making death machines, okay?"  Thanos was merciless. Heartless. Delighting in pain and suffering. This could not go on.

"Okay." Steve looked at him with concern. "Are you going to be OK?"

" _Not until that asshole is dead_ ," Tony ground out, wide-eyed.

"Oh god." Steve pulled him in, like he could shield him from what had already happened.

Tony pulled him tight, his breathing unsteady as the irony washed over him.  "How can someone capable of that _exist_?  And now I want to _kill_ him and _hurt_ him, and how fucked up is that?"

"That's going around."

"It's going to turn me into a monster." Again.  A wholesale merchant of death.

"It can't do that. Remember what we talked about before you went in there. This is what he makes you think. It's what he made Loki think."

Tony pushed away, then paced once away and back again.  "I need to go punch something." Or I'll suit up and start blasting things.

"That huge ice sculpture makes more sense, now."

"Fuck!" Tony yelled, grabbing his hair and yanking it briefly.  It surely did. And he couldn't make one, and it was broad fucking daylight anyway.

"I don't know why I'm saying this, but maybe you should talk to Loki about it. He's... experienced, after all."

"I'll be honest with you, Steve, I'm not feeling chatty right now!" Tony paused, taking a deep breath.

"I get that. I'm sorry." Steve watched him, helplessly.

"Sorry." Tony breathed again, carefully. "Being upset doesn't help. Being a dick to you doesn't, either."  He was just helpless. Spinning his wheels fruitlessly.

" _Really_ don't apologize. Please. You need to hit something?" He looked up, blue eyes studying Tony's face.

"Yeah, not anyone I love, that's right out." The words were out of his mouth before he thought about them.  The tension was getting to him, putting his guard down. Steve wouldn’t welcome that.

Steve smiled, a little sadly. A sweet term. "Don't you have anything you can spar with? You must have something set up..."

"Uh." Now that was an idea.  A proper, bounded fight, something violent but structured. "Yeah, the old setup is still here.  Boxing, staffs, you name it. Let's do boxing." The more he thought about it, the more he needed it. Engrossing, physical, leaving him no brain space to fret and fester, just for a little while.  He grabbed Steve's arm, tugging him out to the corridor.

"Okay," Steve just about managed before going with the pull, heart racing.

Tony dragged him to the elevator. "Sub-basement. Fitness room." The doors slid shut quietly, and they flew downwards.

Steve watched him, carefully. Something seemed to be pulsing below his skin.

"Okay." Tony stepped out into the expansive exercise room. Yes, he needed this.  He went to the rack of clothing against the wall, grabbing a tank top and a loose set of pants. "Get something on." Steve’s old gear should be clean and ready, or he’d fire the housekeeping nanobots. He pulled off his shirt and jeans, tossing them in a corner and putting on the exercise clothes.

Steve followed him mechanically, copying his moves.

Tony grabbed a pair of boxing gloves and jumped into the ring, strapping them on as he danced, rolling his shoulders and loosening up. "Don't pull your punches."  Steve would, when Tony wasn’t in the suit - he always did, and that was really fucking annoying. Particularly since it really _was_ the right thing to do.

Under _any_ other circumstances, Steve would have an erection right now. As it was, he hovered uncomfortably between concern and arousal. Boxing helped; he actually knew how to do this. He donned his gloves and took up position opposite Tony. God help them both.

Tony danced close and made a little opening salvo - a one-two to the ribs followed by a high three, then duck and dance back.

Steve blocked him without thinking, still reeling a little. He should make a move. But hitting Tony...

"Come on." It was stupid, asking a super-soldier to hit him, but - Steve against him _without_ the suit wasn't too far off from Thanos against him _with_ it, really. Tony had to step it up.  High, feint low, come back high.

Dammit. Steve hit him with a right hook, dodging Tony's blows like an afterthought.

Tony rolled with the punch, letting most of the momentum dissipate. It still made a nasty crunching noise in his ribs. "Yeah. Show me what you got." Two-three, two highs and a low.

The low blow almost hit, Steve too preoccupied to notice the movement. He jabbed left, then quickly right, on reflex.

The left grazed as Tony dodged, the right landed true, and Tony staggered back, his head spinning. "Good one..." He barreled forward, swinging wildly.

"You OK?"

Dizzy, in the cold concrete bunker, Steve asking if Bucky was okay.  Teaming up against him. He had to act fast. Tony threw his right shoulder, then a hard left jab, with all his weight behind it.

It it Steve completely off guard, and he took the full force of it, staggering back, mouth gaping.

Had to get Steve off of him.  Just enough to get at Bucky. He followed - a quick jab to the face with the right, swing hard to the ribs with the left. Practiced a million times, as natural as breathing. Even if that was a little difficult right now, for some reason.

Dodging the jab, Steve caught the left fist to his side. As he fell, he tried for a low blow, straight to Tony's gut.

Tony went flying backwards, wheezing as the breath was knocked right out of him.

Steve rushed over, leaning over him. God, it was hard to judge how hard to hit him. He knew how not to kill the man, but this was something right on the edge...

Tony tried to get up, but his legs wobbled and he fell back to his knees. Inflate his lungs, one inhale at a time, his ribs aching, before Bucky... he shook his head.

This was not right. Tony's eyes weren't focusing. "Tony. Look at me."

Tony looked up, blinking.  B... Steve?

"I'm sorry. That was really, really stupid."

Steve's face focused somewhat. "You were pulling your punches," Tony wheezed. And still, Tony had folded. Without a suit, he was useless. Just  _useless_.  


"Of course not! I-" he faltered. Idiot. Of course he had been. Tony was still alive. What the hell had he been thinking?   


"Don't believe you." Tony grabbed Steve’s hip and tried to pull himself upright.   


"I mean, I didn't mean to! I, uh-"  


"Yeah, thanks, Ferdinand."  


"Will you just listen to what I'm saying, for once?"

Tony had built himself a nice little high tech exoskeleton. Inside, though, he was still the same squishy bag of meat.  Useless. Well - mostly. Not all of it was squish. Just too much of it. He needed to fix that, and _now_ was the time.  "Gotta go... do some stuff."

"Uh, Tony?" Steve held him by the shoulder.

Standing was good. Tony’s head was clearing. He knew what he needed to do, now; the path was fairly obvious.  He walked carefully towards the elevator, throwing his gloves off. The bots would put them away.

"Tony, where are you going?"

"Lab."

"You're going to do something stupid. I know that look."

" _Going_ to do something stupid?" Like he hadn’t already done plenty.  What he was heading to, on the other hand, was a continuation of one of the few completely _good_ ideas he had come up with.  Tony waved. "Go do something social. I need some me-time."

Steve stopped dead. Well. That was sobering. "Sure."

"See ya later." Tony stepped into the elevator, engrossed in the pending project.

Yeah. Leaving Wakanda might have been a mistake.

 


	14. Chapter 14

The doors slid closed. "Lab," Tony told Friday, and the elevator shot upwards. That one project he had been endlessly poking at like a sullen bruise made way too much sense, especially now.  It wasn't ready for prime time, but everything was evolution, and this was a first step. It wouldn't make him the equal of the likes of Steve, but at least he would be better able to hold his own.  Against Thanos. Against whatever else came. Even, really, in Steve's arms.

* * *

Steve tore his gloves off, then sighed, placing them carefully back where they belonged. There was a bottle with some sort of spray he'd seen Tony use to wipe things down, and some disposable wipes. Steve went over everything with it, carefully.

* * *

Tony walked gingerly into the lab, his ribs aching.  They might be broken. "Friday," he wheezed, "get me those prototypes for Inner Peace."

"Retrieving.  These are all highly exploratory," Friday noted.

"Yeah, as opposed to all of that production-level shit we do in my _experimental lab_." Tony pulled off his shirt, carefully, wincing, then sat in his chair with some care.

Fil rolled forward, holding a tray of titanium pieces. Tony picked one up, slender and curved, elegant, shining.  "Compare to my specs."

A 3D diagram of a skeleton appeared, projected in front of him. "As of 6am this morning, boss," Friday noted.

Tony held up the curved piece. Visually, it matched perfectly with a third rib down, but he let Friday scan it, magnifying, showing the exact match within her range of precision. "Well, Titanium Man doesn't have the same ring to it, but let's give it a go.  Nanobots ready?"

"Yes - I hate to remind you, but they’re not medical robots."

"A system is a system... wait, why am I arguing with my AI? Get 'em scrubbed up." Tony lay back on the chair, grabbing a spare towel from the bench and stuffing it under his torso.

* * *

Steve had actually started tying the laces of a glove up more neatly when he suddenly swore, throwing the damn thing hard against the wall. What the hell was he doing? Just letting Tony stew, in the state he was clearly in? He could be _killing_ himself up there, while Steve was sulking. "Dammit." He rushed over to the elevator, jabbing the button like he’d punched Tony earlier. Why was this thing so slow?

There. Finally! Steve braced himself against the walls as it rose, heart in his throat.

* * *

Tony watched with great interest. Friday was projecting a schematic diagram, but the actual physicality was more fun. His skin split in a neat, sharp line as the bots worked.  Very little blood seeped out. The pain was moderate, too.  Friday was _good_. She was getting too smart, really, independent, like Jarvis... ah, the rib, exposed as the bots neatly peeled back the skin. Yeah, it was broken. Blood that had been pooling in an internal bruise spilled out.

The elevator door pinged open, and Steve rushed out, eyes scanning... "What the hell!?"

"Not clear on _me time_ , are you? Vamanos. I'm working."

"You're insane!" Steve was afraid to move. Maybe Tony was just as crazy as Howard. Maybe he was _worse_.

"I'm not really in a good spot to discuss things right now, babe, can we talk later?" The bots were gently pulling the connective tissue from the broken rib. "Let's talk about the ethics of experimental procedures to improve your body later. I hear you have some relevant experience."

"Yes! And it nearly killed me!" He couldn't stop it. Not without potentially hurting Tony more. All he could was stand there like an idiot, arms outstretched, legs spread like he was trying to stay upright on a ship at sea.

"I'm better than dad was. That's why I do this on myself, not hunting down some nice kid to experiment on." It was freed, finally, and the bots slotted the metal piece into place.

"Tony, Jesus..." His eyes were stung. What the hell was this? Was this Steve's fault? _Of course. Literally, figuratively, take your pick. Still think coming here was a good idea?_

"Don't be a drama queen. I've been working on this ever since they took the arc reactor out and gave me a titanium sternum, I just haven't pulled the trigger.”  Why hadn’t he? It was so simple, so sensible! Proactive, not reactive. “Aw, look how easy that was!" They started to button up his skin.

"Friday. How's he doing?" Steve stared, feeling numb.

"All systems normal. Blood loss minimal, pain levels nominal."

"Normal?" Tony noted. "That's a first." He ran a finger down the clean line of the nano-sutured skin. "Look at that!" The pain of the broken rib was gone, replaced with a deep ache from the split muscle and sutured cartilage. Before he did more, he'd have to pressure test the cartilage replacements. The biodynamic cloth and the titanium mesh were probably the top picks. "Come on, feel it."

"Yeah, I'm good." The morass of anger and pain and fear and concern and love was making him want to throw up. "And so are you, apparently. Great." He took a moment to catch his breath.

Tony sighed. Steve might as well have the word DISAPPROVAL stamped across his forehead. "Steve. Look at me. I'm getting old. You're not, the other supers aren't." He held out his hands.  They showed their age, like Steve’s didn’t. "I've been thinking about it a lot. Planning how I can avoid... just falling apart."

"That's what people do. I'm sorry I don't, all right?" _Just go._

"I don't accept what nature gives me, Steve. Never did." Tony pulled his shirt back on. "I have corneal implants so I don't need glasses. My left ulna and sternum are titanium already, and that got me thinking, about a year ago - why not do it proactively, instead of reactively? Oh, I have a metal exoskeleton, too. Don't know if you've noticed."

"I don't know why you're bothering to explain it to me. You don't need my approval. Or opinion." _Breathe through your mouth, Steve. Keep going._

"I want you to understand." Tony sighed.  He loved Steve, after all, which meant he wanted Steve… to understand, and could see already that he was failing, like usual.   _Like you always did with Pepper_ .  But he couldn’t stop trying. "You didn't accept what nature gave you, either. You wanted to do more.  You wanted to help other people out. I never did any of this shit when I was just a warmonger." Growing old and senile surrounded by vacuous young women sounded like great fun.  Like life goals. Now - he had responsibilities. Or rather, he now _knew_ that he did.

"I had no choice!" Steve nearly screamed it. So much for proper breathing. "Do you think I would have set so much as a foot in that lab, if I had any other way of getting into the army? No! I didn't want this body; I didn't want any of this! I didn't want muscles too strong for me to gauge my own strength, or a body that makes me feel like I'm wearing it like a suit and sometimes I wake up still thinking I'm a foot shorter and I panic; I don't want to be 'better' I just want to be! And I didn't fucking want to love you either, but guess what; you're stuck with that too. And if I wasn't here, you'd be spending your time doing useful things instead of wasting it, and getting hurt and having to _tear yourself open_ and I'm sorry, OK? I'm sorry I am what I am!" He breathed, stumbling back.

Tony looked up at Steve sadly. "My dad was an asshole. I've seen you. You were _fine_ before the serum. You were..." Tony sighed. Gorgeous. "World War II was won by weedy guys like you and me, you know."

"I tried _EVERYTHING_. Do you understand? If they told me I'd get to serve if I cut my arms off, I would have." He leaned back against the wall. "In a way, I did."

"You didn't have to join the Army. You did - you did all of that - because you wanted to do good."  Steve had made a choice, and had been dogged and persistent once he found his goal.  The way _he_ wanted to do good.

"I wanted to do _something_. Not just be useless. All the time."

"So you understand why I'm doing this."

"No! You have technology! You have already done so much; you're helping New York, you're helping me, you're saving the world! You don't need a better body to do that! You already have worth. You're worth five of me."

"That's what this is. Technology." Tony picked up a slender titanium rib, the next one down. So much more elegant than the broken mess of bone next to it.

"I don't get it." He was tired, and confused, and a little nauseated.

Tony sighed.  "I need to be more than I am.  For me, for you, for everyone. Not to be a different person, but just... more durable."

"You're already better than... Anything. Anyone. Why do you need to be me as well as you? Believe me, it's not all it's cracked up to be."

"I don't want to be you.  I don't want to be bigger, more muscular, I don't want to be _Captain America_ .  I just want to be able to take a punch - from _anyone_ \- and not shatter."  To get a hug from you without you having to hold back.  To maybe even get fucked by you. Tony shrugged. "Besides, the six million dollar man?  That's pocket change. I have to show him up."

"Honestly? That scares the hell out of me."

“Why?”

"If it doesn't scare you, I don't know how to explain. This is just a better suit to you, an upgrade, and to me it's gradually losing your humanity, dignity and maybe everything that makes you _you_ ." _Drama queen_ . _You go be social_. Little pats on the head. "I don't know, Tony. I think... I think we're just too different."

"If technology makes me lose my humanity, I lost it long ago." Tony reached over and grabbed the rib, using a clean corner of the towel to wipe it down.  His body _was_ a suit, and it needed constant upgrades.  "Here. Check this out." He found an old line, dark, running down the edge of it.  "Afghanistan." There were more - he searched for them, found them, pointed at two more. "One of these is New York, the Chitauri - the other is our little spat.  Can't tell which was which, but, you know, this gets old.” He tossed the rib aside. “I’m getting osteoarthritis in my left shoulder.” The repeat injuries were taking their toll.  “You know, I'd just as soon skip it. Is that inhuman? If it is, where do you draw the line? Are contact lenses?" Tony shrugged. "I'm not going this far, but damn it, Steve, _Vision_ was human, as far as I'm concerned." A prodigal son.  A movement out of the corner of his eye. "Yes, you too, Dummy," he told the guy, soothingly.

"I'm not going to stop you. No force in the universe could. But the fact that you want to makes you and me _different_ , on such a fundamental level." He rubbed his head. "I'm sorry. You don't need this."

Tony frowned, drumming on the edge of the tray nervously. "I never knew you felt this way." That I was cheating. Losing my humanity.

"And I thought you just saw the suit as a tool. Not an extension of your body." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You need to do what's best for you. Me, I'm a relic." He pressed the elevator button. "I'm going for a run."

"Go.  Run." Tony leaned back, frowning.  Steve wanted him pure, unmolested, a virgin in the garden.  Tony was uglier than that. He was already tied in with metal and technology too tightly to ever separate himself without _losing_ himself.  Iron Man wasn’t a suit, a brand - it was an alter ego that was as much of him as _Tony Stark_ was.  And what profit a man if he should gain his childhood obsession turned adult love, and lose himself?  If only _that_ had been in the Bible somewhere, he might have given it a little credit.

"Want to keep going, boss, or call it a day?" Friday asked, sharply, as Steve left.

Tony exhaled carefully and put the towel back under himself, leaning back.  "Just do two more, one above, one below. Put the mesh below the upper one, the biodynamic cloth above the lower one.  Like this." Tony flicked his wrist to pull up a projection of the skeleton again, then tapped the two areas for replacement cartilage. "We'll do a little _in vivo_ test.  Got it?"

"Yessir."

* * *

Something wasn't right. The place was too quiet, for one thing. The lab had been scrubbed down with that odorless disinfectant Tony thought was undetectable. And now Tony was nowhere to be seen. Stuart hesitated in the hallway. In this house, that could mean anything.

Tony poured himself a drink, paused, and just grabbed the bottle and took it, too, as he left the bar and headed to his room. He didn't want to leave there, once he was settled in and nicely drunk. "Hey," he mumbled to Stuart, opening the door to his room and stalking inside. There, he had been polite, the kid could go do whatever he did in the evening.

All right. This was _really_ not OK. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business, but you don't look so good."

"Nope. I sure don't." Finally, the kid had come around to reality.  Tony sat on the edge of the bed, back to the door, looking out over the city. He tossed the bottle on the pillows and took a deep swallow from the glass.

"Stupid question. But: Are you ok?"

"No." Tony looked over his shoulder.  "Hey, come here, if you want. I want to test something."

"Uh. Sure." Stuart stepped inside. He wasn't cautious, that implied some level of fear or concern, but he was curious.

"Here." Tony pulled his shirt halfway up, carefully. The replaced ribs still ached. "Left, right - feel any difference?"

"I don't know. This side feels a little raw, I guess. Like you got a bad sunburn."

The kid’s hands were nice on his flesh, cool and gentle.  "Well, that's enough to ruin every-fucking-thing, it seems."

"I don't get it."

"Nope. Neither do I. You sleep with a guy with a fuckin' full-body mechanical suit, and get upset when he does a few more upgrades?" Tony grabbed his glass again.

Stuart slowly pulled his hand away. "What exactly did you do?" Tony was reckless at the best of times, and this sure didn't look like one.

"Replaced a few ribs. Titanium, because the iron age was too long ago..."

Stuart made a face like Tony had just told him he was cross-breeding dinosaurs. "You what? When? Where?" _Why?_

"Lab. About twenty minutes ago."

"Did... they need changing?"

"Yeah." Tony took another drink. "They were getting old and worn out. Like me."

Stuart sat back and considered him. The whole package, as it were. "That's a little extreme, even for you. Basement self-surgery."

"Not the first time.  And it wasn't self-surgery. I used the bots." Tony met Stuart's bright eyes with his tired ones. "It went way better than this," he raised his left arm slightly, showing the messy white line of the scar on the underside, "and that was legit doctors."

"Right; I take it back. That's just regular Friday afternoon stuff."

"By my standards, yes." Tony grinned tiredly.

"Let me guess. This has got something to do with Steve."

"Yup. Smart kid. Steve thinks it's Morally Wrong." Tony sighed. "Like being reactive once you've been through it all is great, but god forbid you're proactive."

Stuart leaned back, resting on his elbows. "Look, I don't know what happened, but you've gotta remember; not everyone thinks like you. I really like you. You know that. I probably like you a little too much. And I respect you. But even I don't always understand how your mind works. How exactly did you break this to him?" Knowing Tony, he would have just casually mentioned it over brunch.

"Yeah, I'm not asking him to _approve_ or _agree_ , kid, I'm asking him to just fuckin' accept it." Tony fiddled with his glass. "It's not hurting him." Tony took another drink. This was a nasty part of himself that he was retreating back into, insecure and defensive.  "If you were with someone who was into some really freaky sex shit, would you just say you weren't into it, or would you try to make them understand how _wrong_ they were?"

Not that Stuart could speak from experience, but he didn't really think 'just accept it' was a great way to introduce something to your romantic partners. "He said that?"

"I'm paraphrasing. Anyway. I just need to lock the doors from now on. For _everybody_." Stuart, clearly, agreed with Steve.

"Wait... He _walked in on you_?"

"Yeah. Fun, right? I _told_ him I was working!"

"And you're surprised he got a bit of a shock, seeing you going on RoboCop on yourself?"

"Well," Tony said, thoughtfully, "not quite to that extent.  That's more like if I permanently grafted the suit. And I _wish_ I talked like Paul Weller.  Uh, aren't you too young for RoboCop?"

"Are you kidding?" Stuart shook his head, sternly. "That's a classic. And you're kind of missing my point, here. I mean, where exactly were you in the process?"

"The, uh, actual exchange."

Stuart fell down backwards on the mattress. "Yeah. OK." He shook his head, then sat back up again. "Right. So let me ask you: Ideally, how would you have wanted him to react to seeing that?"

Tony looked over at him. "I thought it looked really cool," he sighed. Honestly.  He had always known he was _different_ , reveled in it - but damn if he wasn't feeling it viscerally, the negative side of it.

"So would I! When I'm at the dentist’s, I always hope they're wearing glasses, so I can sneak a peek at what they're doing in their reflections. But that doesn't mean I'd be all 'oh, cool' if I walked in on my, uh, friend having experimental surgery done on him. You know?"

"Yeah, you're right," Tony sighed. _He_ would. But Steve wasn't him.  In so many ways.

"That doesn't really set things up for a nice, calm discussion about... whatever it is you talked about."

"Me being a monster, mostly, but yeah." Tony sighed. "I was pretty bitchy to him beforehand, too."

"You probably scared him. He gets scared even though he doesn't look it, you know." People were people, after all.

"Yeah, I find _that_ one hard to understand, I have to say." Steve was always so cool, so calm.  It just seemed reasonable that he was looking for ways in which Tony was lesser than... the other guy.  The one who had a _metal arm_ , but it hadn’t been his idea, so that was… better?   _Bucky_ was still pure, in Steve’s eyes.

"Why? He's human, right?" Stuart tried not to smile too obviously.

"Superhuman." Tony took another drink.

"All I'm saying is, you're worried he sees you as something other than human. So, you know. Return the favor." Was that too far? Stuart bit his lip.

Tony played with his glass thoughtfully.  That was a different sort of angle, wasn’t it.  Stuart was smart. But he still didn’t have all of the data.  "I love him," Tony blurted out. That was a key datum.

Stuart looked out the window. He rubbed his shoulder. "Yeah. I thought maybe you did."

"It sucks, kid. It _sucks_."  Love.  Generally.  Life was a lot easier before all of that.

"It's not my business, but... why?"

"Because it goes wrong and it hurts. Bad. Really badly." Tony refilled his glass.

"Not always, though?" Damn, he sounded desperate.

"I don't have a great track record.” Shit, he was going to give Stuart a complex. “But that's not your future. You're a good kid."

"So are you." He grinned. "I mean... you know what I mean."

"No, that's fair." Tony stood carefully, stretching. "Gotta go apologize to Steve before I get too drunk."

"OK. I think I heard him slink back in a couple of hours ago." Stuart hopped off the bed.

Tony grabbed the bottle and glass. "Thanks. Go out, have some fun. Take my card."

Stuart smiled, a little shyly. "You're too nice. I was out yesterday; I'm gonna stay in tonight. Save my energy for tomorrow." He looked up. "Wouldn't mind a hug, though."

Without dropping the bottle or glass, Tony pulled him into a tight hug. "Love you too. Just in a way less fucked up way."

"Give yourself some credit." Stuart kissed him on the cheek, feeling... was powerful the wrong word? Maybe not.

"Yes, dad," Tony grinned, letting go and swinging out of the room.

"That's messed up," Stuart yelled after him, grinning. It was raining outside. Maybe he'd go ask Thor what he was reading. He’d seen him hanging around the dining room drinking endless cups of coffee, with a stack of books. What did gods read? Only one way to find out, he supposed.

* * *

Tony walked down the corridor, took a deep breath, and pounded on Steve's door.

Now what? Steve was staring at the rain, wondering how long it would take him to swim to Wakanda. "Come on in." What else could he say?

Tony stepped in.  "I'm here to apologize." He took a bracing drink.  He'd need it.

Steve closed his eyes and sighed. "What for?"

Where to start?  Well, most recent would do, and work backwards.  "For being totally bitchy with you before I went to the lab.  For just assuming you're superhuman all the time."

"I broke your ribs. I think you're entitled."

"Yeah, I'm over fifty, I should be past the bitchiness. Just take the apology, okay?"

"Sure." He got up. "I'm upset, and I'm taking it out on you. I'm sorry too."

"We're both sorry, yay.  Upset over anything in particular, or just the usual?"

"I told you. We're too different. I don't remember my dad much, but he and mom were at each other's throats constantly. It's exhausting." He looked Tony on the eye. Straight on. "I don't blame you for being you. But I'm tired of having to explain how I feel about things that are self evident to me. And... It just hit me that we would keep doing that."

Tony nodded.  But that’s what families were, weren’t they?  Endlessly bickering, like him and his dad. "Yeah.  Ditto. I love you too much to want to put you through that." Like Pepper. So much like Pepper.

"You said that before." He couldn't quite decide on a smile.

"And I meant it." Tony sighed, refilling his glass.  "Look, after the second time Pepper dumped me, I got her to come back by making a deal. I'd stop being Iron Man.  Lasted a week before I started walking around with my suit strapped to me in a little case.” And ran off on a spaceship to god knows where.  It wasn’t like he even had the excuse of Saving Humanity, now. He had been utterly useless on that score. “I know myself, now."

"I told you. I don't want you to change." And you can't possibly love me. You barely know me.

"And the person I am disgusts you.  That's just not tenable, Steve."

"What?" That made no sense. "You don't disgust me."

"Uh, if I need to refresh your memory, I'm voluntarily replacing my distal bones with metal ones." He needed to keep the long bones, for blood cells.  Unless he could come up with a gel matrix to support the stem cells... it could also be of use in cancer treatment... he forced his mind back to the topic at hand.

"Yeah, and I don't like it, I don't get it, and the idea disturbs me. And the fact that I don't, and you seem to be all enthusiastic about it, scares me-" he interrupted himself, "this is exactly what I was talking about. Now I have to explain that I don't think someone I love is disgusting."

"Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have used that word.  Troubling, distressing, whatever - you can't deal with it.  I got it. You're not the only one by a long shot. I'm just saying I'm sorry, even when I want to change, I can't, so I won't string you along by pretending I will."  Tony looked anywhere but at Steve. The bed, the glimpse of the shield still hanging awkwardly in the bathroom, the painfully polished shoes put neatly in the corner, the paperback on the nightstand.  Oh. Well. Speaking of metal men.

"Not you!" Steve huffed, looking back out the window. Like the scenery would help. "The situation. I _worry_ about you. I'm not sure that doesn't make it worse."

"The situation?  You're worried I'll turn myself into Vision?" He picked up the book. "Daneel?"

"No!" He did a double-take. "Oh. You've read it?"

"Jesus, Steve, I read every damn thing Asimov wrote.  All of the Robot novels and short stories, Foundation, even Lucky Starr and the Black Widowers.  Could never stay awake for Heinlein, but Song of Ice and Fire, Tolkien, CS Lewis, just about all of the Le Guin and Anne McCaffery... actually, the Ship who Sang might be more on the nose..." Tony turned the book reverently in his hands.  Insofar as he had reverence for anything, it was for books full of intriguing ideas.

"W... wait." It was one of those things he'd meant to look up, and just never did. "He... wrote more books? I just came across this one in a yard sale."

"We..." Tony held up the battered paperback, the words _Caves of Steel_ written on it in fading gold letters, "are going to have to fix that.  He wrote approximately one billion books, and every word is gold."

"I had no idea. I used to read his short stories, when I could get my hands on a magazine. " He looked at Tony with almost childlike hope. "Are any of them robot stories?"

"He's _the guy_ for robot stories.  He came up with the Three Laws of Robotics.  He's basically the reason I made Dummy and Jarvis and Friday." Tony gave Steve a sad smile. "Vision made me feel like a proud dad."  And now _he_ was dead, too.

"That was my first disappointment about the future. No robot friends." Steve was smiling. Grinning, even. "But then you proved me wrong."

"I've always loved robots.  Is it any surprise that I want to... just a little bit... be one?"

"I'm _worried_ for you. Don't you get that?"

"I see it, I feel it..." Tony sat, heavily, on the edge of the bed. "I don't understand it.  I'm sorry."

"You don't have to." Steve put a hand on his cheek. "Just please accept it. And don't make me feel like there's something wrong with for thinking it. That's how I love. I think." He smiled.

"You love me, then?" Tony asked, looking up at Steve.

"I... Think so. Yeah."

Tony put his hand over Steve's. _Think so_.  It just was never so hesitant, with Tony; it was like a punch in the face, with everyone he ever loved, in any way.  Every time. It must be nice to not feel it so acutely. "I'm sorry, then. It's not a lot of fun. I meant what I said earlier, by the way."

"You said a lot of things. You do that."

"You're going to make me say it again. I love you.  I was infatuated since before you thawed out, I think, but it matured since then."  Such a giddy, heady love at first, but it got a lot darker. Fast.

"I won't ask you if you mean that. I know you wouldn't just say it." Not like this.

"I don't joke about _that_ shit." Tony polished off his glass without letting go of the hand on his cheek.

"You know I'm not Daneel, right? I'm big and strong, but I'm not invulnerable. I'm still that kid. And if I'm not, I want to be."

"We're none of us kids anymore.  We can't afford to be. I know what you mean, though.  The kid who read all of those books," Tony jerked his head slightly towards the battered paperback, "is still part of me."

They had this. Something that wasn't just anger-fueled lust. "Do they ever meet again?"

"Daneel and Lije?  Yeah. On and off, until Lije dies.  Then Daneel carries his memory basically until the end of time. It's pretty sweet." Tony moved Steve's hand from his cheek to his mouth and kissed it.

"Oh my god." Steve swallowed a choke. "I don't know why that tears me up."

"Because it's sweet and because you're a sweet person." Tony closed his eyes and kissed Steve's hand again.  That's what Tony wanted to be, wasn't it. The Daneel to hold memories like this until the end of time. But maybe he was meant to be the Lije, to pass gracefully away before anyone got too sick of him.

"You can't think that!" Steve leaned in close anyway, leaning his head against Tony's.

"You're idealistic.  I'm realistic. That's why we end up banging heads all the time." Or resting them gently against each other, which was far nicer, really.

"And you think people like me can't be realistic."

"Not at all, I just think it's not your default, and you get irritated when the Tonys of the world insist on it."

"That's not it, you know." He closed his eyes, just enjoying being where he was.

"Then tell me what it is. I'll listen, I promise."

Steve kissed him. He had to. Softly, quickly, but gently.

"Steve..." Tony licked his lips, chasing that taste.

"It's... we know what the world is like. You know how I grew up. What I did; what I saw. I _can't_ look at the world and go 'well, I'm sure everything will work out fine if we just try our best'. I know people aren't good. I've seen the worst of the worst. But I have to act like it's possible; live like it's possible, because someone has to. Someone has to keep the light on."

"Well, Steve, that's what I call optimism.  Being sure everything will work out if we're all _nice_ is naiveté.  Maybe it's all just definitions..."

Steve laughed. "I can't call it that. It implies I actually believe it."

"You can call it Bob for all I care. I got it."

"Maybe you don't think I'm as stupid as I thought."

"You're not stupid. You wouldn't be here if you were."  It had been a fairly intense competition, even if the participants hadn’t fully been aware.  Determination, intelligence, and problem-solving had been ranked highly. And Steve had scored at the top of all of the potentials on those.  The numbers were right there, in dad’s files.

"Not as smart as you. I'm surprised you don't think everyone stupid."

"Steve..." Tony sighed. "I have a very specific set of smarts that are extreme. I have learned - dramatically, painfully, over time - that they aren't comprehensive. Not by a fucking long shot."

"I'm sorry; I should have qualified that." Steve was serious for about half a second before collapsing into giggles. "You're hopeless. How am I here? What is this." He kissed him again.

"You're not stupid. Can we agree on that?" Tony slapped him gently on the cheek.

"Sure. Anything you say."

"Someday, I'll believe that you believe it." Tony sighed.  "Look, I'm getting really worked up here. I can have a few more drinks and tone things down, or I can go back to my room..."

"Stay."

"Okay." Tony fumbled for his bottle, not wanting to separate his head from Steve's.

"No. I mean... stay."

Tony grabbed Steve's hair.  "It just always hits me so hard, with you." Such abrupt, visceral desire.  Like he was an idiot, infatuated teenager again. The lust didn’t hit like that with Pepper; it was an ongoing slow, intense burn with her.  It wasn’t lesser, it was just very… different.

"It's all right. I like that. I think... I think I need it."

Tony breathed hard, trying to stay somewhat calm, not to just jump on Steve.  He slid his hand to the back of Steve's neck, taking the man's lower lip in his own, sucking it in.

Steve made a needy little noise in the back of his throat. He closed his eyes.

"Need you," Tony growled, before sticking his tongue into Steve's mouth, wet and deep and hard.

Steve nodded, which only gave Tony better access. He liked kissing. He felt like he knew what to do about it, at least.

Tony tossed glass and bottle aside to grab Steve with his wimpy human arms, pulling him tight, running his hands up the back of the man's shirt, seeking flesh.

Steve wrenched his shirt off. "Sleep with me tonight."

"I will." Tony bit at his nipple. He wanted to consume the man.

"Ah..." Sharp and necessary. "You can bite harder."

"I'll bite as hard as I want." The other nipple, just the same.  Tony stuck his hands down the back of Steve's pants, grabbing a double handful of muscular buttock.

The forcefulness went straight to Steve's gut, via his groin. He gasped and arched his back, pushing into the touch.

Tony turned them around, pushing Steve onto the bed, straddling him, bending down to kiss him hard again. The ferocity of his need for Steve, as always, terrified him.

Would it always be like this? Steve sure as hell hoped so. If there was an always, which, of course, there wasn't. All the more reason to enjoy the now. He reached for Tony's belt.

Tony slapped his hands away. He needed his clothes to stay on just a little longer. As long as possible. He'd lose himself completely once they were flesh on flesh. He rubbed his hands up Steve's stomach, to his chest.

Steve didn't dare say anything. He barely dared to move. Breathing was probably OK, so he did. Carefully.

"Steve," Tony sighed, need and desire making it hard to breathe. He pulled at Steve's jeans, opening them, tugging them off. A naked pile of perfection in front of him. He licked his lips.

Just why he said it, when he barely dared to move, was anyone's guess. Maybe the nerves. Maybe the need to just claim _one_ thing. "That never changed."

Tony paused, on his hands and knees, poised to dive in. "What?"

"Sorry. Um. I just... Ah. I've... always looked like this? Right there."

Tony found himself smiling gently. "I told you that you were fine before it." He dove in.

"Ah!" Always so completely overwhelming!

It was far too much of a mouthful, too long, too thick, and it was deliriously pleasing to try to take it all anyway, to suck and lick and choke, and pull back, and choke again.

"Oh my god, Tony..." How could human beings make other human beings feel this way?

No room for any other thoughts, and what a blessed relief that was.  Down deep, deep, holding Steve's hips. Come up briefly for air. Duck down, then raise Steve’s hips, lick a stripe down to his entrance, pause, gauge reaction…

What was _that_? Steve made a sound between a gasp and a hiccup. "Oh god..."

Tony held still. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah! Everything's OK, it's all OK," Steve rambled, his hips bucking up under Tony's grip, not enough to break it.

Oh good. Tony loved to do this, and the number of people who wanted him to do it was depressingly small. He pushed Steve's thighs back, lapping eagerly, feeling the muscle, pushing his tongue inside.

"H...how are you...!" It didn't matter; it was amazing, but everything Tony did to him was amazing, and Steve was just going with it.

Tony pulled back to breathe, than dove in again. Lick, suck, poke in his tongue more, _drown_ in it.

"You're so good at that, oh my god... Tony..." He was stuck on a plateau of arousal, and that was fine. He could stick around here.

Tony needed more.  He eased a finger into Steve's velvety embrace, everything so dripping with saliva that it slid in easily.

"Yeah... more. Please."

"Want me to fuck you, baby?"

"Yeah," Steve whimpered. "Yes. Please."

"Then I will," Tony promised, sliding in another finger, "deep and slow."

Steve tried to push himself further down on Tony's fingers. "Yes. Um. Fuck me." It felt good to say it. Too good.

"Impatient." It was addictive, being wanted so much - if that's what it really was, and not just a desire for sex from an infatuated newly-minted non-virgin. But Tony's dick was feeling pretty impatient, too. He twisted around, reaching over for the lube while keeping his fingers in Steve.

Steve managed a laugh. "Have we met?"

"Yes, I know, you'll be equally shocked to hear I have a big ego. Sorry, that's the only bit that's big." Tony doused the area with lube.

"You're more than enough for me." Steve actually licked his lips.

Easy to say when Tony was his first.  Bucky was probably bigger. "Breathe." Tony slicked himself up and got into position.

"I'll try." It was so easy to hyperventilate.

Tony pushed his jeans a little more aside. He never minded being naked, why was he resisting it now? He pressed in, carefully, slowly.

"God, yeah! Just like that." Steve let his head fall back.

"Baby," Tony sighed. So warm, so soft, the perfect amount of tight. It felt, absurdly, like home. He leaned forward and kissed Steve gently as he pressed in the rest of the way.

Steve nodded, welcoming the kiss, pressing up against Tony, feeling the heat of his body.

The thin cotton shirt separated, so slightly, Steve's body from Tony's altered one. Ah, that was why. Tony moved in and out, slowly, relishing the slide of skin on skin below.

He wanted skin. Steve's hands fluttered at the button's of Tony's shirt, afraid they might get batted away.

Maybe... if Steve really did like that... Tony grabbed his wrists and held them against the bed. Two birds, one stone.

Steve's eyes widened. He froze, lips working soundlessly. What was that about?

Tony smiled, a little wistfully. If Steve didn't like it, he could throw Tony across the room, after all. Tony kissed him again, pressing deep.

"Uh..." Steve went with the kiss, a little confused. Was this how is was meant to be?

Tony pulled back at Steve's expression. "Not okay?" Then why just lie there?

"If you want to do it, it's fine... I just... I didn't know."

"Do _you like it_." Tony loosened his grip.

"Not really." Steve blushed.

"Okay." Tony let go, putting his hands on either side of Steve's torso.

"I like touching you."

"Then touch me." He'd have to get over himself at some point.

Steve eagerly pulled up Tony's shirt, pushing it aside, kissing his chest.

Tony exhaled.  Steve's hands felt amazing. A petty part of him added _equally amazing on both sides of me._ No loss of sensation.

That made it all just so much better. Steve pulled himself up, wanting more of that kissing, the closeness; all of it.

Tony kissed him again, moving his hips slowly, steadily. Like the eye of the hurricane, separate from the harsh, raw want before and the wild pleasure after.

Yes. Moving with him, and feeling him outside and in... Steve lifted his legs, wrapping them around Tony.

Tony moaned, held so firmly. He could only move a little, now, and it was working him up, making him move faster…

"Yeah. Just like that. Oh..." That wild, burning, seething want, and Tony wanting _him_.

"Steve," Tony growled, biting at his lip. His hips were starting to move of their own accord, faster....

Steve whimpered, pushing up against Tony, kissing him wildly.

Tony tried to get his hands under Steve, pulling him tight, pressing into him. So close, just in this moment, but it could only last so long…

More, more; never enough, always _just_ enough! Steve grabbed Tony's hips, trying to move them.

Shit, that was it.  The eye of the storm had passed, and the winds were starting to howl again.  Tony grabbed Steve hard, thrusting deeply, faster, faster, whimpering.

Yes! That was it, so close, feeling so good, and holding him, and there being no _doubt_. Steve moaned.

"Steve,” Tony whimpered, trying to hold it back, but it was building up, he couldn’t slow down, he couldn’t stop…

"Yes. I want it. Please."

"Fuck, I’m coming, jesus, Cap, I’m coming, I can’t… stop…” Tony shut his eyes and cried out, pleasure washing over him.

Why would he stop? This was incredible, wild and intimate. Steve held on to him, letting him ride it out.

"Shit," Tony whimpered, pulsing gently as he rode it out.

"That's good. That's always so good..."

"Steve," Tony gasped, grabbing the man's erection with a lube-slick, unsteady hand.

"Oh...!" Steve thrust up into it, and wasn't that a difference; not like when he took himself in hand, more like... like if he were- Steve gasped, coming hard.

"Steve," Tony gasped as the man squeezed him, reviving his aftershocks.  He stroked Steve through it with a shaking hand.

"You're amazing."

"That's what Vanity Fair said." Tony grabbed himself, easing out of Steve.

"Mm." Lazy and spent and happy. This had to be what happy felt like. It had been too god damned long.

Tony kissed him, then pulled another come towel from the drawer in the bedframe. He used it to mop up Steve's softening penis, then put it between his legs to catch Tony's come. That was a thought, now.

Steve watched this with some amusement. "You like taking care of people."

"Come on, this is the bare minimum.”

"I wouldn't know, to be fair."

"Yeah…” Tony sat, heavily, on the side of the bed.  “I still feel bad about that. I mean, if you’ve only had one… and that’s _me_ …” Not someone romantic.  Or even very _nice_.

"I'm not complaining!"

“No, because you don’t know any better,” Tony pointed out.

"Aw, don't bring that up. I know what I like."

"Tell me what you like, Steve.” Tony lay down next to him.

"I like what we just did. Um... I like when you take charge." That was nice.

"I'm taking notes."

"I... is this weird? I like when you hurt me." That was weird, right?

"That might be the most common kinky taste there is." Tony shrugged. "I like a little pain sometimes, too."

"I don't like being constricted. I don't know why. Memories, I guess? But I like being slapped around."

"That's useful to know." Tony shaded his eyes. "Friday, turn the lights down... I like restraint more than pain, usually."

"I guess I like knowing that I'm still... you know. Human."

"Huh." Tony chewed on that. "I see..."

"Do you... mind?"

"No, I'm just thinking it through." Tony pulled his shirt the rest of the way off and tossed it aside, putting his hands behind his head. "I mean - if you really mean it, I have a lot of dad's notes, and Banner's work.  We could figure out how to undo it."

Steve stared at him, eyes wide in shock.

"If you really want, I mean..."

His body reacted before Steve did, curling up against Tony, barely touching him, eyes closed. "You would do that." His voice shook.

"Yeah, I mean, I want you happy," Tony replied, not sure what to do with this reaction. Give him a Captain America exo, if he really wanted it.

"I... Didn't even think..." To feel comfortable in his own skin again. "After Thanos. Will you try?" He looked at Tony though unclear eyes. "Please?" He had never meant the word more sincerely in his life.

"I promise." Tony pulled him tight. "After Thanos." He'd have to make sure Friday had all of the information readily at hand. The chances of Tony dying weren't bad.

It had been years. Maybe even decades. Maybe he had never cried like this. So quietly. Not shaking, not wailing, just letting the tears wash over him. It was good. Funny how that went.

Tony pulled Steve close. Did he really want it so much? To be that angelic boy again?

"Sorry..."

"Don't be sorry." There was almost as much crying as there was reason for it.

Steve let it go. Lying as he did, head close to Tony's chest, he almost felt normal.

"I... Love you.” Words that never, ever came easily.  Or came at all. “Damn it. It's always so complicated, isn't it," he sighed. "I mean... you knew my dad." Contemporaneously.

Despite himself, Steve laughed. "He was a piece of work."

"Did you have sex?" Tony asked, resigned. Really, it would be the perfect middle finger from the universe to him.

"What?!" Steve twitched, looking up in horror. "No! I told you, I've never done that with anyone before."

"Just so hard to believe," Tony muttered. "You were so goddam good looking." So fuckable.

"Yeah. Well. Howard didn't think so. Not until he'd made me better, at least."

"My dad was an idiot," Tony growled, pulling Steve close.

"He... Uh..." No holding back now. "He did try to kiss me."

And there it was.  Just another layer to this mess.  Was Tony just a stand-in for his _dad_?  "Did he succeed?" Tony asked, tightly.

"Sorry. Yeah." Steve swallowed. "I should have told you."

"It's fine.”  What was one more secret about his dad that Steve revealed at badly timed moments? “I mean, what's the conversational opening?"

"He was drunk."

"Just... tell me all of it. Please." Tony didn't want to build scenarios in his head, to wonder and to guess.

"OK. If that's what you want. There isn't much to tell, really." He took a deep breath.

"Good, then it won't take long. Tell it."

"I think he was just curious. He kept talking about how good I looked. It was a little uncomfortable. He offered me a drink, and I took it, wouldn't affect me much anyway." He sighed. "And then he... Uh..."

"Tell me," Tony said through his teeth.

"He said, 'I'll bet you could throw me across the room if you wanted to.' And I said yes sir, but I wouldn't do something like that. And then he said 'that means you can stop me if I do this,' and he kissed me." He swallowed, nervously. "I didn't know what to do. I just stood there. And he said 'well, you didn't throw me across the room, so you must have liked it.' And he did it again. Put his tongue in my mouth."

Tony bit his own lip so hard he drew blood. "Yeah. That's my dad." Assholes of a feather, the two of them.

"I didn't mind," Steve hurried to add, "but I didn't much like it either. Either way, he started swearing to himself and left me."

Tony leaped out of bed, grabbing his hair. "Fuck. And then, _me_."

"What's wrong?" Steve blinked.

"I'm my dad's goddam son," Tony growled. "Consent... I know what that is, when it's a woman, but... hell."

"What are you talking about?"

"I did things to you," Tony managed, "thinking that if you didn't like them, you’d just kick my ass."

"It's OK." It wasn't like Steve knew how these things worked.

"It's not OKAY!" Tony yelled. "People doing shit you're not into, to you - that's a fucking BIGGIE, okay?"

"Okay!" Steve sat up, startled. "Sorry."

"It's not for you to be sorry! It's for me! It's for my fucking asshole dad who spawned a fucking asshole son!"

"Tony.” Steve sighed. “Come back to bed."

"I can't." Hot, ugly tears were trying to come out, and damned if he'd let them.  Peter and Pepper were dead, because of him, and now he couldn’t even take proper care of Steve.  And crying wasn’t going to help.

"All right." Then Steve would come to him. He rolled out of the oversized bed, walking the few steps over.

"It's all so fucked up," Tony managed. "You. Me. Dad. Bucky." The one you really love. And you're letting me just _do things_ because he's gone and you're just too nice to say no?

"It doesn't have to be." Steve held his arms open.

"How can you say that?"

"Because I care. Because you care. Come on, Tony. Let me give you this."

"Give me what?"

"Love. All right?" There. He said it.

"I love you. Shit. So much it hurts."

"Then come here."

Tony wrapped his arms around himself, stepping slightly closer to Steve.

Steve embraced him. Tightly. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah, well, and what if you _should_?" Tony asked, tightly. "What if I'm bad for you?"

"Let me worry about that."

Tony grabbed Steve hard.  It suddenly crystallized, for him.  Steve would fight harder for his _friend_ Bucky than he would for _himself_.  Steve wouldn’t fight Iron Man in a concrete bunker if it were just him at stake.

That was better. Steve just held him.

"I’ll take care of you.”  He had to. Who else would?  He had to start taking all of this _seriously_.  He had failed too many people, he couldn’t fail Steve.  He had to take care of him, fight for him the way he wouldn’t fight for himself.

"I'd like that."

"I mean it.  I’ve been making your life harder.  I didn’t understand.” Tony squeezed, then released.

"Didn't understand what?"

“Any of this.” Tony took a half step back to gesture.  “You. How you tick. How you feel. What you need. How to _talk_ to you.”

"I'm not all that good at getting you, either."

"Just ask yourself, _if I had a massive ego, what would I do_?”

"See, that's what I HAVE been doing. And it doesn't fit." Steve's eyes glittered. "I suspect you have a heart hidden around somewhere."

"It’s well hidden.” Tony tapped his titanium sternum.

"It was really pretty. I suppose everyone says that."

"No, that wasn’t the first adjective that came to most…” Tony took a long, careful breath, steadying himself.  He had to take care of Steve. Practical matters was as good a place to start as any. “So, before I forget, did you get hooked up with an outfit for tomorrow?  We have to head out early-ish.”

"I have a couple of options, actually."

"Mm, give me a fashion show in the morning.”

"What about you?"

“Have you ever seen me at a loss for suits?”

Steve rolled his eyes. "Which one!"

"Oh, I have a little black number with grey pinstripes, red tie and a pocket square…” Tony gestured to his torso.

"I've always liked pinstripes."

“Good.  You’ll get your fill.” Tony sighed.  “We should get some sleep.”

"Sure." Steve was about as far from sleepy as could be.

"If I can.”  Tony kicked his jeans the rest of the way off.  “Friday, lights off.”

"Hey, I know it's late, but something came to mind..."

Tony paused. "Yeah? What?"

"I had a lot of things wrong with me. You know. Before the serum. I know it's a big if, but if you were able to change me back, I wouldn't mind dealing with it all... But I don't exactly have a lot of money."

"Money’s not an object, Cap.  What was wrong?”

"Oh my god, what _wasn't_ wrong!" He snorted, rubbing his head.

“I mean, dad mentioned a panel of autoimmune shit,” and Tony had scoured the records a time or twenty, “looked like lupus, but other than that?”

"Honestly, I don't really know. Couldn't really afford to go to the doctor, other than when I had to get a medical to try to get recruited. And then I was trying to fake my way through it."

"Yeah, you sure wouldn’t have.  Fortunately, all of our medical technology that isn’t super serum has gotten a lot better since then.”

"OK. That's good. I mean, I want to be me again, but I don't want to, you know, die."

"You’ll be happy to hear we share that goal.” Tony squeezed his arm.

"Good." He'd have to find a way to ask about Bucky and his particular... issue. That was going to be hard.

"Let's at least pretend to try to sleep." Tony sat on the edge of the bed.

"I like that idea."

"Then come here. Uh, I usually sleep naked, not a snorer unless I'm stressed out, prefer to sleep on my back but don't mind a cuddle if you do that," Tony quickly ticked off.

"That’s all fine by me." Why was he explaining all this?

Tony got all of the way in bed, stretching out with a sigh, pulling the light blanket up to about the nipples. That was about right, for the room temperature. "Damn, I'm tired."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"I would, but I'm too tired." Tony closed his eyes.

"I love you, you know."

"I love you too." Nobody he didn't love was capable of getting under his skin like that.

For now. And that was enough. Steve settled closer.

Tony put his arm around Steve and, unexpectedly, fell dead asleep.

* * *

"Morning." Thor threw an arm around Loki.

"Yes, it is," Loki noted, looking over at him.

"An important day, it seems."

Loki turned on his side, head on his hand, looking at Thor. "You show yourself well in ceremonies."

"If you say so..."

"I do. And I feel I am a good judge of such matters." Loki ran a finger down Thor's chest.

"What would you have me wear today, then?"

"Don the various outfits that Stuart had made for you, and let us judge!"

"And what would you wear, my consort?" Thor leered, a greedy hand on Loki's thigh.

Loki grinned. "I'm incognito today, _my king_."

"You would be king too. Unless you wish to remain a prince..." Or a queen. Loki would be both, graciously.

"If I am also king, your sole subject goes away."

"You will be mine, and I will be yours."

"Fair enough. What are your orders for this morning, Majesty?" Loki's eyes glittered.

"To join me in this parade." Thor kissed his hand. "In a manner befitting a king of Asgard and Jotunheim."

" _You_ are Thor, Thunder God, hero to the Midgardians. How to explain me?"

"My mysterious companion." Thor grinned, almost mischievously. "Could you not also be of Asgard? They do not know how many were lost."

"Your lackey?" Loki grinned with his teeth, this time.

"My equal. As I said. They would not know. Should I not have a companion?" If he could only stand before him as he was now - dark and pale and magnificent. At least his eyes would be the same; like the morning sky just before a storm.

Loki shrugged uncertainly.  He did love to command attention, to stand out, to _preen._ "Let us decide upon your garb, brother.  I can have my appearance match."

Thor nodded, eagerly. That plan had merit. He stretched, easing himself out of bed.

Loki sat up, watching him greedily, that perfect naked body.  It moved like the ocean; smooth, powerful, and unmovable, no matter its mood or speed.

"I feel your eyes on me," Thor muttered, with ill-concealed humor.

"Should I avert my eyes to protect my innocence?"

"In proper deference, of course. We are not yet married, after all." He got up, throwing a pillow at Loki.

Loki batted it aside. "Mother was always most emphatic - you must have a bride of equal mettle." Gods, it was so good to be able to just pull these memories from the murky depths of his brain, not to fish around and come up with empty, filthy hands…

"Well, you're no bride. Unless you want to be?"

"If I'm to be a bride," Loki proclaimed, loftily, "I require a formal proposal." And should really be a woman for it. It would be more fun that way.

"Oh, is that how it is?" Thor headed to the bathroom.

"What, you wished to take me with a kiss and a promise?" And it worked. Look stood and stretched, now.

"I would have you as both man and wife, and be all the better for it." It was a good day. Thor could feel it in his bones.

"And bear you wicked little snake-children," Loki giggled, walking into the bathroom. He desired a shower.

"Oh, and you would birth them, would you?"

"Let us not get too far ahead of ourselves..." Loki muttered, turning on the water.

"And why not? We must breed a new royal family."

"From _me_..." Loki muttered.  It was a lot to take in. Could they even… well. He stepped into the shower.

"I'm only teasing," Thor reassured him, stepping in behind him and kissing his back. "But if you want, in time..."

"One thing at a time!" Loki lathered his hair, working through the tangles.

"Indeed." Thor huffed. "You hair tangles so."

"As it ever has."

"You fiddle too much with it."

"My hair is my own concern, brother!" Loki ran his fingers through it, locating the last tangle.

Thor smiled quietly to himself, busying himself with the soap. It was too easy, and too fun, to tease him. Everything, all in all, felt so blissfully normal.

"Perhaps I _should_ go as a woman," Loki teased.  His brother would look so distressingly conventional. It would make the contrast with Tony's new lover so much more, well, stark.

"Your body is as much your business as your hair, my love." Thor squeezed his hip. "I care equally for all your forms."

"Don't tempt me." To have his brother wake up next to something truly terrifying some morning. Not a snake or a lizard, however, the animals his brother favored.  Really, the best option might be Tony…

"You know what I mean." Another squeeze, harder this time, teasingly so.

"Yes, but I wilfully misunderstand. It's my _thing_." Loki soaped up his body.

"Oh, is that what it is. I thought you were all above evil."

"Again, it's my _thing_. I realize it would hardly be the height of evil to try to convince you to take me in the shower, therefore running the risk of us being late... but consider it my rest day."

Thor snorted. "You presume too much of my stamina."

"Pity." That self-doubt nagged at the back of his head again.  He did not let it show. "Then let us select your costume for today."  He rinsed off the soap.

"No..." Thor's hand was on Loki's shoulder, turning him around. "You misunderstand." He nodded to the obvious evidence of his interest. "I just don't think it's going to take all that long."

Loki looked down.  "Oh." Oh... well, then.  "That robs the act of all mischief, doesn't it." He grasped the erection hungrily.

"Does it," Thor growled. Eyes glowing, just slightly.

"Yes," Loki noted, running a finger up the shaft. It was a bit difficult to bluff when he was achingly hard himself, but it was the thought that counted.

"How rough do you want it?"

"Mmm, I believe I am in the mood for _very_." More often than not.  Loki traced the tip of Thor's erection, the groove down the head.

"Then you shall have it." At the last word, Thor spun him around and pressed him hard against the cold tile, fingers probing against his hole, teeth on his neck.

"Mmph.  Yes," Loki growled, pushing back against Thor's fingers.

"I'll shut your greedy mouth..." Two fingers, right into him, barely slicked by soap and water.

"You'll have to try harder than that," Loki managed, although his voice was not steady.

Thor tore his fingers out, sweating in the damp air, and tried to push inside.

Loki cried out as Thor pressed against his entrance, not prepared enough.  The pain was delicious, rough and delirious, and he moaned as he was breached.

"Too much?" He made it sound mocking, but the question was true.

"N... nuh," Loki managed.  Don't stop, by Hela's blasted realm…

"Stopped your mouth, didn't I." And damn near his own, shaking with held-back lust. He pulsed in, rougher than he wanted to, holding Loki's wrists in a vice.

"Uh," Loki whimpered in agreement.  There was no room in his brain for anything other than sensation right now, and that was everything he had ever needed.  Held, so safely and tightly, by the only one he wanted that from.

"You make me want this." Gods, it was tight, and painful, but it was also raw and wild and everything he needed.

"Uh," Loki gasped.  "More," he managed. Fill me.  Make me come. Make me stop thinking.

Thor yelled. In one deep thrust, he was all the way in.

"Norns!" Loki yelled, shuddering.  Mind-blowing pain and pleasure. His penis ached with need.

"Mine," Thor grunted, pulling slowly out, biting at Loki's ear, then licking at his neck.

"No," Loki whimpered, "don't..." don't pull out, not just yet, leaving me empty, need you…

"Mm...?" A note of worry. Too much pain?

"In... stay in..." Yes, he was the silver-tongued god of legend, was he not.

"All right. Anything you want." Thor kissed his neck, pushing slowly back in.

Loki moaned, greedily, relieved. Yes. _Yes_.

"See? You ask for it. You get it."

"Don't stop," Loki groaned, pushing back.

"Who said I started?" A few last words before coherence left him, and all that was left was the drive to bury himself in Loki, bearing down on each thrust.

Good gods, Loki was going to be driven straight through the wall of cool tile as Thor slammed into him, over and over.  Loki yelled, screamed, clawed at the tile, and had never felt such uninhibited ecstasy in his life.

"Loki..." A hollow yell, and Thor collapsed, trapping Loki against the wall, hips jutting as he came, violently.

It took only a few swift tugs on his member for Loki to come, as well, yelling and squeezing Thor's softening erection inside of himself.

"Sorry..." That had been too fast.

"By the moon-goddess and the bifrost," Loki panted, shivering with lingering pleasure, "find something that's worth being sorry about, before you proffer an apology!"

"All right. I will," Thor gasped.

Loki blinked at the cracked and gouged tile wall.  "A suitable use for your apologies might be for the damage we have done to Tony's washroom."

Thor gave a deep sigh. "First the bed, now this..."

"He will be less surprised this time, perhaps." Loki stepped back into the stream of water, gasping as it stung his raw entrance.

"I hurt you." It never quite felt right.

"Yes." Loki turned his face into the stream.  "Deliciously," he semi-gargled.

Thor had to laugh. "You are absolutely ridiculous." He ducked under the stream, fighting Loki for the water.

Loki took a mouthful and spat it at Thor.  "Ridiculous?" he huffed.

"Yes! Ridiculous and lovely. And mine."

"Your seiðr is improving, brother, but we still have some ways to go before you can cast the binding spell.  And then you will truly see my soul, and it will be too late to undo it." Loki feigned airy uncaring.

"I won't waste my breath trying to argue. You'll see I'm right soon enough."

‘"One of us will, certainly," Loki noted, stepping out of the shower and whisking the water off of his body with a breath of seiðr.

"There's a neat trick." Thor struggled with his towel. They were so small and rough on Midgard, even here.

"I had simply forgotten it all." Loki looked at his hands, shivering.  "It's a part of myself, Thor." His seiðr was not a trick, not an incantation - it was a connection to the very fabric of creation.  And he had forgotten it.

Thor watched him, carefully. "You are more than anyone gave you credit for."

"Less than a pure villain, perhaps."  A memory of a _severing_.  "Before then, even - Thanos took it from me.  He gave me a pale shadow of the power I had, and convinced me it was greater."

"I will kill him," Thor said, as one might mention the weather.

"We all wish to kill him," Loki said, thoughtfully.  "We have all tried and failed."

"And I will not."

"Stormbreaker did not kill him, not even when wielded by the most powerful of the Asgardians."

"You know why. I was weak."

Loki looked at him searchingly.  "And now, you are strong?"

"You are alive. It fuels me."

Loki nodded.  "I will do what I can." Which will be substantially more than poking at the beast with a dagger.

"Together, then." Thor took his hand.

Loki laced his fingers into Thor's.  "After this celebration, when Tony's minions have located Thanos.  We shall arm ourselves well and launch our assault." There were other ways to find Thanos, but Thor did not need to know that just yet.  "Let us choose your garb."

"And yours."

"Mine are unlimited." Loki pulled him into the bedroom, then flung open the closet, running his hands greedily over the uniforms that had been made for Thor.  The cool metal, the warm velvet, the soft, whispering silks…

"Something, I think, to complement the weather..."

"The scintillating colors of the Bifrost are important to this day, from what young Stuart showed us."

"Is this too much?" Too little, rather. Hardly more than leather straps held together with bits of metal.

"I would have to kill any who looked upon you with lust, in that," Loki sighed.  And that would be a bloodbath indeed.

"No killing today."

"Then choose a different outfit." Loki flipped his hand.

"I thought you had more control," Thor huffed. Was this planet closer to the sun that Asgard had been? The thought brought him lower, and he pulled out the next garment with vague interest.

"Why strain it?" Loki grabbed the outfit from Thor’s hands and threw it aside.  "Ugly." He reached in and pulled out a suit of silver mail, bright and glittering, with a rainbow of a cape at the shoulders.  “Whereas _this…_ ”

"Looks heavy..."

"It is a pity your shoulders are so narrow and weak, or you could bear the weight." Loki pressed it at Thor.

"It's all right for you; you're your own air conditioning unit!"

"Is that all?" Loki sniffed.  He touched the metal, and it turned cool in Thor's hands.

Thor's eyes widened. He caught Loki's hand, and kissed it.

"Mm, my mastery of minor temperature changes will win your heart."

"Watch yourself, or I'll give you another round."

"Perhaps during the parade?"  Loki grinned wickedly.

"Would you be able to keep your glamour up?"

"A fine challenge, brother." Loki grinned more widely.

"But..." Thor went back to the closet, picking out a third option, "perhaps a compromise?" This was leather too, but covering more, leaving just the arms and neck fully exposed. Thick leather trousers, all in dark browns and gold. A rainbow sash, almost a cape, fell from the shoulders.

Loki raised his eyebrows.  "You yearn still for the gladiatorial arena?"

"I wouldn't say that. But I liked the look."

"A fine look indeed," Loki agreed.

"Do you have something to match it?"

Loki covered his naked body with the illusion of a complementary, rather than matching, outfit.  Green and black leather with gold trim, a cape that shimmered with a more subtle rainbow.

"A little on the nose, perhaps?" But so fetching.

"Even with my Midgardian face?" Loki changed his skin and hair.

"Let's put it to Tony." Thor wasn't convinced.

"All right. Don your own outfit, and we will seek him out. I believe we will find him in Steve's room."

"Tell me you haven't been spying."

Loki spread his arms.  "I will tell you anything you like, brother. I'm the god of lies, after all."

"Why," Thor sighed, "do I love you so?"

"I wish I could take credit, but seiðr cannot compel love." Loki would have used it long ago, if so.

Thor shook his head, putting on his trousers. Loki was not wrong; it was rather like armor. Fitting, perhaps; this too, felt a little like going into battle. 


	15. Chapter 15

"Tony..." Steve put his teeth to Tony's earlobe, softly.

"Buh!" Tony's eyes flew open.

"I don't need as much sleep as most people."

"Holy shit, Cap!" Tony rubbed his eyes.  Nope, that was definitely happening. Steve was wearing a sleeveless leather tunic - or perhaps _harness_ would be more accurate.  A star shone on his chest, and below it, his rippled stomach was exposed.  His massive shoulders were bare, and leather cuffs encircled his forearms. His large penis was sheathed in a blue leather codpiece, in front of skin-tight dark blue pants.  "Uh. Wow."

"Too much?" It was too much, wasn't it.

Tony grabbed the top left strap, pulled himself up, and smashed his lips to Steve's.

"Just enough?"

"Yeah, I should be able to keep my hands off of you just long enough..."  God damn. That look would turn a straighter man than Tony.

"And this is OK for me to be seen in... next to you, I mean." He'd messed that up once already. Not again.

"This is _me_. I'm over the top. It will be just fine."

"I have a regular suit too. It's, um, blue, pink and purple." The Italian tailor had given him a look, but not a disapproving one. Honestly, it was hard to tell.

"Nope. No suit. Don't upstage me!"  Tony waved a finger.

Steve laughed. "You have a weird idea of upstaging."

"I mean, if I were wearing a leather harness, it would be upstaging me. We just have to be distinct."

"Feels kind of comfortable, actually..." Not that you would think it.

"You look sexy as hell," Tony said, firmly.

Steve blushed. "Really?"

Tony tossed the blanket aside, showing the evidence.

Steve licked his lips. "Do we have time?"

"Friday, time?" Tony asked.

"If you take no more than twenty minutes, boss," she reported.

"Let's hurry." Tony kissed him again.

"What do you want?"

"You in me," Tony said with conviction.

"R... really?"

Tony shrank slightly from the reaction.  "I mean, if you _want_."

"Yes," Steve breathed. More than he'd expected to.

For once, Tony wouldn’t question it.  "Then get that stuff off while I get ready." Tony grabbed the lube.

Easier said than done. Thank God for heightened flexibility.

Generally speaking, Tony had a taste for the finer things in life. And if that didn't include fingering himself while watching Steve strip, he didn't know what definition of _finer things_ did.

There. Finally. He looked over. "Oh, Tony..."

"Yeah?" Oh, maybe Steve wasn't quite ready for the sight of him with three fingers knuckle-deep inside.  But it was a requisite part of the whole deal!

Steve scrambled towards him, practically climbing on top of him and grabbing for the lube.

Tony relaxed slightly with a grin.  Steve’s reaction was pleasingly, almost _necessarily_ unambiguous. He pushed the lube into Steve's hand with his free hand.

"I don't know how to do this," Steve breathed, practically drenching his cock in lube.

As innocent as Stuart, Tony thought with a familiar twinge of guilt.  "Grab the shaft, put it on place..." Tony pulled his fingers out of himself and demonstrated, "and push in - _slowly_."

"I get it, I just... I might suck at it." He grinned. Nervous, but _happy_. That was new.

Tony grabbed Steve’s hand and bit it, then let go. "Shut the hell up with that talk."

Steve laughed in shock and delight, shaking his hand. "I think I love you."

"Hey! Hey! There was no _think_ , last night! Get on with it, we don't have much time..."

Steve kissed him, while feeling his way to the right place... Oh, it was slick. He could... Jesus, he slipped in, just like that. He hadn't meant to!

"Fuck!" Tony gasped, eyes flying wide. It was slick, he was open, it was fine, but damn - it was big, and startling!

"Sorry," Steve gasped.

"No, it's…. it’s… amazing, just...startle... don't stop!"

"Okay. All right." Slowly, he said. That would be a challenge.

"Jesus," Tony moaned as Steve slid in. It rubbed him in _every_ good way!!

"Good?" Please be good. Steve didn’t think he’d have time to do a lot of adjustment, if it wasn’t.

"Way way way way more than good..." Tony grabbed his hip and pulled him deeper.

"Oh!" Startlingly, overwhelmingly good. Fueling him.

"Come on, baby." Delicious. Tony stroked himself gently, just a little counterpoint.

His body seemed to have a pretty clear idea of what it wanted. Steve pressed in deeper, gritting his teeth, looking down at Tony in awe.

"Yes." It was only the briefest of moments, but damn, they were _this_ close back in the bunker... but this was naked pleasure, ecstasy driving that thought past as quickly as it had come. "Fuck?" An exclamation and a request.

Steve could do that. His hand caught Tony's shoulder, and he _moved_. Good God; he was buried in Tony, feeling every inch of him.

"That good?" Tony gasped.  This was just on the good side of comfortable, so big he struggled to breathe, but it was a _very_ good side, shuddering pleasure every time Steve pushed deep.

"Yes! Tony, God..."

"Baby," Tony moaned.  "Want you." Wanted him to fuck him senseless until they both came in a pile of sweat and love.

"This is... This is amazing."

Tony caught Steve's eye.  "See..." he gasped, "if you can fuck me 'til I can't talk. I know you wanna."

He didn't, not particularly, but the sentiment was like a shot of adrenalin. His hips moved faster; it was easier, now. Smoother. Steve growled with effort, sweating.

Tony grabbed Steve's shoulder.  "Yeah, like that, keep it up, you'll make me come..."

"I'llcome!" Every move was a struggle he would soon lose.

"Yeah, baby, in me..."

A solid knocking, almost a banging, at the door.  Steve started, freezing mid-thrust.

"Shit!" Tony covered his face with his hands.  It had to be one of three people, none of whom he was going to tell to fuck off for a variety of reasons.  "Off," he sighed, pushing at Steve. His cock was hard, dribbling clear fluid on his stomach, but it would just have to wait for later…

Steve nodded, trying to comply. It was hard as hell. Literally. He yelped as he pulled out.

"Jesus," Tony gasped.  That wasn't good, on so many levels - pulling out before he had come, hard and aching... oh, that was Tony who was hard and aching.  Both of them. Shit. He staggered to his feet, fishing a pair of jeans out of the hamper, pulling them on, throwing yesterday’s pair of Steve's pants at the man.

What was happening? Steve's senses screamed contradictory information at him. He took the pants and put them on, no other options presenting themselves.

Tony grunted as he jammed his erection into his jeans.  Style was all well and good, but at the moment, they were just too tight... Tony took a deep breath and opened the door.

Loki grinned broadly at the sight of Tony flustered, flushed, erection poorly held by his jeans.  They were _clearly_ interrupting something.

"We can come back," Thor hurried, moving to pull Loki away.

Loki did not budge.  This was far too much fun.

"No, it's fine, what's up?" It's not like they could just jump right back into it, Tony thought with a resigned sigh.  Time was pressing.

"It's nothing," Thor said, then, reconsidering, "that is, it may be something."

"OK, hit me," Tony sighed.  Loki drew his arm back. Tony held up his hand. "Expression!"

"As you well know." Thor rolled his eyes. "Show him."

"You are no fun..." Loki pulled Thor next to him, putting his glamour of clothing and appearance on. "If we were to march together in the parade, would my appearance be distinct enough to cause no general consternation?"

Tony stepped back, considering. It was not dissimilar from Loki’s look when he was invading New York.  There was much less glittering metal, and no helmet… the hair was different... yes, it was all different, but was it different _enough_?  "I dunno - Cap?"

"I don't know..." Now that they'd mentioned it... "The context worries me a little."

"I mean, the original plan was for him to march separately, incognito, have Stu keep an eye on him." Loki looked poison at Tony. He ignored it.

"My brother does not really do incognito well."

"Yeah, that's my problem with having him next to you," Tony noted.

Thor sighed. Tony was right. "Yes. There are more important things," he groused. Meaning it, but. Well. It couldn't help but feel demonstrative.

"Hmph." Loki let the illusion dissolve.

"You'll have to wear more than that." Tony gestured at Loki's naked body.  "I mean - honestly, not a _lot_ more.  It's that kind of parade."

Loki shrugged.  A codpiece appeared on him.

"Yeah, that's great.  Very you," Tony snorted.

"What if he were a woman?"

"Hm," Loki replied, in a different, more thoughtful tone.  He shifted, changed - no shimmer of light, with this genuine transformation.  He turned into a dark-haired woman, small-breasted and slender. And naked.

Tony blinked, briefly speechless.  The unexpected sight of a naked woman tended to have that effect on him.

"Well, damn..." Steve was impressed. Not his type, but, he noted with an odd shade of jealousy, clearly Tony's.

"Yeah!" Tony nodded, a little too vigorously.  "Yeah, that'd be fine, I guess, if you can change the hair.  And I don't have any women’s clothes that would fit you, but you have that covered, don't you?"

"Indeed." Loki changed her hair to short and curly, light reddish-brown, and her skin to warmer Midgardian tones.  Tight leather pants, a leather bustier, and fingernails coated with dark green lacquer finished the look. Say what you will about Hela, Loki pondered, but the woman had style.

"Still you," Thor grinned. "But to my eyes, only."

"The only ones worth consideration, for my way of thinking," Loki told him.

"Glad _we_ could help," Tony said, firmly.

"I don't think that's an illusion," Steve muttered.

"Touch it and see," she challenged him.  Tony reached for a breast. " _Not_ you."

Thor's lips twitched, then stiffened as Steve calmly and firmly touched Loki's breast.

"Wow. That's incredible."

"Well, it's a start," she teased, deadpan.

"I feel like that's the way this day is going to go," Tony noted.  Watching Steve grab a woman's tit was... not bad, really. Tony could see it going places.

"Ow!" Steve took a step back, clutching at his foot.

Tony looked down at Steve's foot.  "What?" The robots kept the floors clean enough to eat off of!

"I don't know; I think the carpet must be static."

Thor looked away.

Loki grinned brightly at Thor.  Really, jealous on her behalf? It was absolutely flattering.  She wouldn’t mind a little more of that.

"Well, let's get cleaned up and dressed, and get some coffee." Tony looked at the inside of his left wrist; it briefly glowed _8:35_.  Jesus. "We've got to get going."

"I owe you a thorough apology for how I treated you the last time you were in that body," Thor murmured in Loki's ear.

Loki took Thor’s hand as they walked away, placing it on her breast.  "Apologize at _great length_ after the parade."

Thor squeezed it, nearly melting into Loki. "I want to see how many times you can come."

"Well," she noted, trying not to purr at the sensation, "we do have to wait, between..."

"Not in that body."

"Liar," she said, staring at him intently.

Thor put his hand lightly to her abdomen. A soft tickle of static, not hard enough to sting, only tickle, flowed down and against her sex.

Loki froze, her eyes flying wide open. "Oh," she moaned at Thor.

He followed it with his hand, ignoring the illusion of clothes for what it was, his hand disappearing beneath it. Between her legs, he found the nub of her clit, pressing just lightly against it.

"Oh!" She grabbed his shoulders, pushing against his hand. This felt... almost like Thor was inside of her, when she was a _him_ , but stronger, more direct.

"Like this?" All women were different, and he did not remember; the later reaction had blanked it from his mind.

"Yes!" she gasped, staring at him, rubbing against him.

Thor kissed her, thrusting his tongue into her mouth as he rubbed and teased.

Loki grabbed him, kissing him hard, whimpering madly as she rubbed against him.

Wild and beautiful, eyes shining; Thor pressed against her, feeling her firm breasts against his chest, lingering in her torrent of pleasure.

Yes, it was building, a fire inside of her, and she rubbed open-mouthed until it crested, rubbing against him, whimpering in his mouth.

"I can keep that going." He let up, softly, keeping just a light pressure.

"That sounds," she panted, "like a far better use of a morning than some Midgardian celebration."

"Who says we can't do..." Thor's face contorted. "Oh Norns. Loki. Look."

Loki spun around.

"Uh." Steve suddenly felt more naked than dressed in his outfit. "Hi."

"Didn't finish up with _your_ lover?" Loki asked, tartly, embarrassed at being caught while being pleasured by Thor. "Or was it just that quick?"

"Interesting outfit," Thor said, as evenly as he could.

Loki made a dismissive noise.  Like anyone looked as good as Thor.

"I dunno, I feel like it's too much. But, uh, Tony liked it."

"Obviously." From the way the man had looked when Loki had interrupted them.

"It's... appropriate for the heat," Thor suggested.

Loki couldn't help it.  She burst out laughing. Steve watched her a moment, then began to giggle. Soon he was laughing too. "It is most practical, brother!" Loki wheezed, mid-laugh.

Thor twitched a smile. Loki laughing, this genuinely, was a rare sight. Soon, he was giggling.

"What the hell?" Tony stepped out, adjusting his tie.

Steve collapsed against him. "I'm dressed appropriately!"

"I mean, yeah, you are." Tony put his arm around Steve's massive shoulders, looking at Thor and the giggling Loki quizzically.

"They are laughing at my expense," Thor managed. "I was too polite."

"Learn from me, buddy, don't make that mistake." Tony took a deep breath.  "You kids all ready?"

"I don't think I'll ever be ready. But sure." Steve grinned.

Thor looked at Loki.

"I am ever prepared for a spectacle," she agreed.  Kids? Tony was the youngest of the four of them. Even with Steve being a child of barely 100.

"Great.  You guys seen Stu?"

"Sorry Tony!" Stuart came around the corner, rainbow tank top and tight black jeans. "I was up finishing some stuff in the lab."

"You work too much." In the lab on Pride morning?

"It's so cool though. You'll see."

"You want to hum a few bars? I have some drones out and about today."  Probably not the best day to be messing around.

"Well, that's what I was working on! I sent them some software upgrades."

"Follow me to the coffee," Tony gestured, "and tell me what the hell you did."

"Sorry." Stuart shrank a little. "I should have asked. “

"Yeah, asking is good. So what did you do?" Tony stepped into the breakfast room, making a beeline for the coffee machine.

"Well, you know those holo-projectors you said you could potentially convert the light sensors into?"

"Oh hell. Keep talking." The kid was too smart for his own good. Tony made a large coffee.

"I... Kinda found a way to get them working."

"And you're going to make a dance party for all the kids on molly?" Tony put a generous dose of sugar in his coffee.

"No!" He looked down. "I mean, not really. That'd be a cool bonus. I thought you could use it to send messages."

"Messages." Tony took a thoughtful sip.  "Little Artoos asking Obi Wan for help."

"Yeah, maybe!" He grinned. "Nah, but you were saying, there was no safe communication system in the city anymore."

"Nope, you're right." Tony impulsively grabbed Stuart, kissed him on the forehead, and let him go.

Stuart laughed. "I'm sorry I went a little crazy with it. I know I should have asked."

"You're going to run this place some day." Tony capped the coffee cup and pulled Stuart back to the corridor where the others were chatting. "Okay, I have a proposal."

Steve shifted. He shouldn't be jealous of a kid, but then again, Stuart was no child. "What?"

"We're a little tight on time, and driving sucks.  We have two fliers. Thor, if you can take that one, I can take these two."

"I can indeed." Thor wound an arm around Loki’s waist.

"All right, come on, guys." The suit formed around Tony as he walked to the window holding his cup out.  "One of you has to take my coffee."

Stuart took it with a grin. "Traveling in style, Mr. Stark." He dared to flirt, acutely aware of Steve on the other side of them.

Well, that was weird. But highly flattering. "Stand on my foot," he told them both, reaching out on both sides.

Thor looked on with amusement, imagining what Loki was thinking.

Loki watched with intense curiosity as Tony put one arm around each man. Steve looked... uncomfortable, but not upset. Stuart looked positively gleeful.  This looked nothing like Odin and Frigga. He held Thor gently, thinking about _them_.

Tony held the two men firmly, putting his hands out slightly for stabilization, and took off at 10% power, as gently as he could. He still felt Stuart wheeze with surprise and hold on more tightly.

"Ready?" Thor pulled Loki tighter.

"Why do you ask? If I fall, I will take a form with flight."

Thor kissed him, and the power of storms lifted them away.

* * *

Tony landed gently next to the mayor, two men in hand. The mayor took a deep pull on his cigarette, waving for his guards to stand down as they reached for their guns.  "I was beginning to worry you'd be late."

Tony let the suit disassemble. "Nope, right on time. This is Stuart, this is Captain America. America is atypically sexy today, you'll note."

"Happy to be here, sir." Jesus, Tony. And Stuart, grinning.

"Yeah, I'm happy to have you back, I'll tell you." The mayor held out his hand with a grin.  "And so is the rest of the city, I'm sure. I don’t care what they say in Washington."

"That's Thor," Tony noted, looking up at the descending cloud. "God of Thunder. And deltoids."

Thor landed gently. "Asgard, or what remains of it, stands with you."

"Both of us," Loki agreed with a sly grin.

"You've been doing a lot to help with rebuilding, and we appreciate it," the mayor noted. "You and your...?"

"My consort. When Asgard is rebuilt, we will rule together, as equals."

"Yeah, good luck with that. Uh, I had a car each for you and Thor, there's room for two. And this kid can come with me."

Stuart's eyes widened. He glanced at Tony. He hadn't really thought this through; he would _be_ here!

"That okay, kid?" Tony asked quietly. Stuart didn't seem sanguine, standing there wide-eyed and nervous…

"Oh my god, yes." Stuart was still a little stunned.

"Go sit with the nice man, then," Tony said, propelling Stuart forward with a hand on the small of his back. The mayor wasn't a nice man - he was a friend of Tony's, after all - but it was the thought that counted.

"Are you absolutely sure this outfit is ok," Steve muttered in Tony's ear.

"Of course, you look a: great, and b: in keeping with the whole _theme_ of the day."

"...partial nudity?"

"That's one of the themes, yeah."

And it suddenly struck Steve that he had no idea how to act around Tony, now. Yes, he'd said he wanted to be... public about it, but Steve had never been public with, well, anyone. Much less in a situation like this. He leaned back, settling his face and body into something vaguely appropriate.

* * *

"You're the intern Tony took in?" the mayor asked, walking with the wide-eyed kid to the car.

"That's right, sir. Stuart Wright."

The mayor pointed him to the other side of the sleek convertible as he stepped in.  "Let me know if he's not treating you right. Me and him go way back. Funny thing, responsibility. It made me fat and him skinny. And me impotent and him gay, looks like." The man laughed heartily, enjoying the sight of Tony not quite knowing how to _be_ around that slab of man meat. It was a rare sight, certainly.

Not quite sure how to respond to that, Stuart smiled, as pleasantly as he could. "Mr. Stark is something else. He's pretty amazing."

The mayor gave him a thoughtful look, then sat on the back of the seat.  "Put your feet on the cloth on the seats. You've seen parades, yeah? We'll perch up here and wave like the fuckin' Queen of England.  And you can throw some of that stuff." He pointed at a box of rainbow beads, whistles, and condoms. "Bet _you_ still have good shoulders."

* * *

"Well, here goes nothing." Steve was much taller than him, even seated.  And much sexier. And not wearing much, and sitting next to Tony... would people get the idea?  How should he _be_ ?  Should he _touch_ Steve?  Tony took a too-large swallow of too-hot coffee.

"Hey." Tony seemed a million miles away. Steve took his hand.

Tony almost started, then smiled tightly.  "Sorry, I'm a little nervous." He slid on his sunglasses.  Friday immediately started feeding him data from the circling drones.  It was soothing, really.

"Nervous?" _Tony?_

"Yeah, you know, that thing you get when you first give a speech onstage?  When you first try to tell your girlfriend you're into pegging? When you do your first pride parade with a guy you're involved with?" Boyfriend?  No, Steve wouldn't like that term.

"I didn't think that happened to you." Nervous about... People seeing him with Steve? Was he OK with this?

What on earth?  He was a human being, wasn’t he?  "It happens to me all the time. I just usually don't tell anyone."

"And here I thought that was just me,” Steve deadpanned.  

Tony turned to face him. "Okay, I thought that was something that never happened to _you_.” And wasn’t that the conversation from the night before?  Recognizing that Steve was human, too? “You're just so... sure of yourself all the time."

Steve's face made like he'd eaten a too hot chili. Then he burst out laughing.

"Everyone is laughing at me today." Tony flopped back on the trunk of the car.

"No! It's just... I'm terrified of everything!"

Tony pulled off his sunglasses as he sat up. "Bullshit."

"Swear to God."

"I don't believe in God." Tony paused thoughtfully. " _Everything_?"

"Well," Steve waved around, "Not stuff like this. It's just people. I'm pretty good with people. But anything else..."

"Puppies??" Tony asked, incredulously.

Steve kicked him _very_ carefully in the shins. "No! You know what I mean.” He took Tony's look in. ”Maybe you don't."

"No, I don't. Give me some examples." The car started to move.

"I mean.. everything about going into battle. In the war, and here. That goes without saying, I guess. I'm scared of what my body can do. To people, to property; I mean, I've brought down buildings, accidentally. I think about that constantly; what could happen, what if I get something wrong. It would be so easy." He met Tony's eyes. "It already happened. I had nightmares about something like that happening long before it did."

"Oh. _That_. Yes." Tony nodded. "That's not... too far off of me."

"Yeah. Well. You don't wear your suit walking down the street, or to the supermarket, or," he blushed, "in bed. I once accidentally broke a shelf in the soda aisle. I've yet to accidentally break any bones, though."

"No, but I don't need to be wearing the suit to make shitty decisions that kill people, with the best of intentions," Tony said, sharply. "At least, whatever I do in the suit, I own." It felt comfortable. Like a skin. The _physical_ power of it felt utterly under his control.

Steve gave him a long, somewhat desperate look. "I can never get comfortable." He worked his fingers in between Tony's. "This comes pretty darn close, though."

Tony squeezed his hand. "We'll fix that. I promise." He waved and smiled on autopilot as the parade started. "Tell me about some of the things that happened in bed."

"I've broken a few." So many people! Steve waved, and nearly shrank back in shock at the wails that resulted. A shockwave was going through the crowd, pointing and waving and increasingly loud shouts of 'Cap!' and 'It's Captain America' and various other words that Steve wouldn't have liked to put down in print.

"What did you do to break them?" The crowd seemed no rowdier than usual. Had... had the New York boy never been to a pride parade?  Was it a _language_ thing again?

Steve leaned in closer. The crowd hooted. Huh. Interesting. "What do you _think_ I was doing?"

"Well," Tony turned from the crowd to him, startled at how close Steve's face was, "it'd be a pity if it weren't something _fun_."

"Touching myself," he said, quietly, glancing down at Tony's lips.

"Oh." Tony was immediately hard. Probably getting worked up without getting off, earlier, had an influence... "You must masturbate like a volcano." Well, his come shot had knocked Tony backwards.

"I'll show you later, if you like?"

"It's going to be a long parade." He wanted to kiss Steve. Well, why the hell not? Because he was terrified of what it would mean, what everyone would think... and that was stupid shit to be afraid of. He brushed his lips against Steve's.

The crowd erupted into wild cheers. Some people actually screamed. To Steve's mind, it sounded like a good scream. He pulled back a moment to check. Tony looked OK.

"They seemed to like that almost as much as I did." Tony's heart was hammering, belying his insouciant words.

"Wanna do it again?"

Fuck it.  Fuck it all. Tony grabbed the back of Steve's head, kissing him deeply.

They were drowning in cheers and screams and jubilant cacophony. Steve was _sure_ he heard someone yell 'make love not war'.

"That's..." Tony kissed his lower lip, "how we should have," he nibbled at Steve's upper lip, "decided on the Accords. A fuck-off."

"Don't you tell me to fuck off." Steve grinned, in between kisses.

"Watch me." Tony pulled in a deep breath. "We can't make out the whole parade, people will be disappointed."

"Too bad _I_ can't turn into a woman on command. You could have it both ways."

"I don't want you as a woman, Steve."  The drone scans gave pleasing green evaluations over the view of the crowd.

"Well, that's good, because I really don't want to be one."

"It has some really shocking downsides.  I'm getting into the health field a bit."  Turned out, keeping women's bodies from trying to hurt or kill them was a fairly large business.  "Be happy you have a dick - particularly the one you have."

" _Getting into the health field a bit_." Steve shook his head. "You have no idea what you are, do you?"

"I like to think of myself as an eclectic entrepreneur. Better than 'war profiteer,' at least."

"You're a god-damned genius."

Tony's heart shot up, then screeched sideways. He didn't know what to _do_ with that. Genuine affection, from someone he respected. "I don't believe in god," he managed, "but I'm working on the damnation..."

"You're not arrogant. You just want everyone to think you are." Steve put a hand on his thigh.

"I really think I am. Staggeringly arrogant. The most arrogant man who ever lived."  Tony quirked a grin.

"And yet so humble."

"Yes! Massively humble. SO humble. The... humblest."

"And your boyfriend is amazingly attractive."

"The most handsome boyfriend I ever had," Tony replied, deadpan.

"The highest praise." Steve tried to calculate when he could kiss him again.

Tony gave a wistful smile, then turned back to the crowd to wave.

* * *

"Smile, brother. The vehicle is starting to move."

Loki gave a toothy grin that would put a hyena on alert.  It had to be now. It had to be this morning. He could feel what was happening, could feel it as soon as they left the tower… but what window could he take?  He needed a distraction.

"You know exactly what I meant. You always do." Thor grinned anyway, waving.

"Midgardians, brother. Midgardians! Really!" Her tension made her irate.  Is this what they had sunk to?

"You object?" Thor turned to her with a frown.

"Flashes in the darkness, like fireflies." Their lives, so short, so hurried…

"Their lives are not less worthy for being short."

"You're so idealistic, brother. You do not miss our people?"  The grin was pasted to her face like a bad mask as she looked over the crowd.

Thor's hand tightened on her waist. "How can you ask me that."

"And you consider this an acceptable replacement?" Loki looked at said hand sadly.

"No," Thor said, quietly. "Not a replacement. An addition. We will rebuild."

"You were ever optimistic, brother. While I am stuck with realism."

"What's more real than accepting the reality of where we are?" Really? They were going to have an argument; _this_ argument, in a parade celebrating love and freedom?

"I will accept, if you wish," Loki sighed.

Thor huffed a laugh. "It's not up to me. I don't control reality." He glanced at him askew. "You do, though. To some extent."

"You're the God Who Killed Death,” Loki pointed out. She had given Loki an earful.

"We're not gods, Loki."

"To them, we are." Loki watched their visible desire to _worship_ Thor.

"I wish we weren't."

"You _don't control reality_ ," Loki reminded him, testily.

"No. And I am glad of that, really." He wound an arm around Loki's waist. She was just as she was when male; lithe and taut and leanly muscled, her waist just slightly more defined.

"I could never accept reality. Frigga warned me of loving my illusion too greatly."  Loki felt her shoulders slump. Frigga. Loki had disappointed her mother so profoundly.

"You're a dreamer." Thor brushed his lips against her cheek.

"I would have her back to debate her on that. I have you as my lover, after all." She took a careful breath. "Having her back. It does show my limits."

Thor said nothing, holder her closer, his smile fading slightly. As a woman, she smelled different. It shouldn't, by any means remind him of mother, but it did.

"Smile for the crowd, brother," she sighed.

Suddenly, a massive ripple of sound and fury... no, delight! - tore through everything. Thor looked up ahead to see Steve and Tony kissing. He laughed.

"Well, they are giving the crowd what they want." Loki cocked her head at a derisive jibe from said crowd.  "What is a 'breeder'?"

"I have no idea."

"Hmm, they seem to think one of us is." She shrugged. They were distinctly less popular than Steve and Tony, at the moment.

"I mean... we could potentially breed?" Was it... a term for people who could reproduce?

"Oh.”  Pregnancy and birth held no interest for Loki, but _having_ children – with Thor – well, that was something.  The second time it had come up that day. Perhaps after… everything, if they were both still around, she would consider it further.

"I wonder... would they react differently if you were male?"

“Perhaps.  That does seem to be the intent of this parade.”

"You _are_ male though," Thor mused.

"I do not appear to be, to them.  Steve and Tony were most insistent than I appear in this form.”  Not that she cared so greatly about what they thought. Let the crowd fear her, if they wished.  She owned her past actions.

"And what are you the god of?" Thor let his hand rest on Loki's ass, knowing the illusion was just that.

"Random good deeds, these days, apparently.” Loki frowned.  “Mischief, once!”

"Maybe they can be one and the same, now and again."

She smiled, liking that thought, and kissed him deeply, turning herself male.  Almost as if he had kissed her into a man. Like a legend of old, told by a drunk elder.

Thor could feel it. The transformation was twofold; Loki, in his arms, and the crowd around them. A slow, building wave. Astonishment. Confusion. Gasps. Scattered applause, then... pandemonium.

Tony turned to look behind him.  “Oh, hell,” he sighed, exasperated.  “What did they do?”

Thor lifted himself and Loki to hover above the car, kissing as lightning embraced them. The crowd was going insane.

"Oh.  God stuff.” Tony sighed, leaning back, resigned.  “I guess we do god stuff in parades, now.” Why the hell not, there were no rules anymore.

"I can't really beat that."

"Nope.”  Tony kissed him again. It was practically private, now.  With what appeared to be two gay gods making out while floating in lightning-saturated air behind them, nobody cared about two guys kissing in a car.

* * *

"Thor?!"

The voice was far away. Thor barely registered it... but something in his mind was sitting up and taking notice.

"Oh my god, _Thor_?! You're _alive??_ "

He looked away, just for a moment, pushing away from the kiss. There, to the side, shouting from a distance now, was Jane.

Loki pulled back.  “A _mutual dumping_?” he said, icily.

"Jane?"

"You bastard," she managed, before disappearing into the crowd.

"Jane! You're alive!"

“Well.  Why don’t you go to your _girlfriend_.” Loki pulled back farther.  This all worked, after a fashion. A horrible, shitty fashion.

"Loki!" Thor practically shook him. "Jane is alive!"

"I see that, brother.” Best to leave them to have a little quality time.  Loki had things to do. He turned into a wasp and buzzed away angrily.

“Fuck’s sake,” Tony growled, watching Loki disappear, an angry little buzz flying away.  “Friday, have one of the drones lock on to that… insect… whatever and keep an eye on it. Whatever it turns into.”

"Loki?" Loki? Jane? Well, Jane knew how to take care of herself. Thor scanned the crowd, for which there now needed to be a new adjective invented.

"I’m keeping an eye on him, Blondie,” Tony called back.

Thor shrugged, as if to apologize.

Tony shrugged back.  “Well, shit,” he told Steve with a sigh.  “That was a bad development.” He had lost Loki.   _Tony_ was the one who had brought him back to New York!

"I think I saw someone shouting to Thor from the crowd..."

"Yeah, there’s a lot of that.” Tony frowned.  “Did he know anyone other than us?”

"Didn't he have a girlfriend at some point?"

"Oh, that will go over well with someone as jealous as Loki.” Tony sympathized.

"Yeah..." Steve sighed. "Glad she's alive, though."

"You’re _really_ good at looking on the bright side, aren’t you!” Tony sighed.

"Thor didn't think she was..."

"Well. Shit." Tony rubbed his forehead.

"Can your cameras pick her up?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll just put them on the 'Thor's girlfriend' setting." Tony gave him an exasperated look.

"I don't know how they work!"

"I need to know who she is! What she looks like!"  Tony gesticulated. He had to have something, and he hadn’t the foggist. Boy, he _wasn’t_ a good friend to Thor, was he.  Not even knowing what his girlfriend looked like.

"I think I saw a picture once..." Steve grimaced, trying to think.

"Unless you're a really good and fast drawer..."

Not _that_ fast. "Shit, ok. Sure."

"I got nothing." Tony deflated.

"Hey." Steve squeezed his thigh. "How about we let them work it out themselves, for once."

"I'm interfering again, aren't I?"

"... A little."

“Just sit back and let a Thunder God and the Alien Sorcerer Who Invaded New York work it out for themselves.” Tony cringed.

"Let me put it this way; would you consider yourself a great relationship counselor?"

"I'm almost jaw-droppingly bad, but _so are they_." Tony waved behind him.

"I don't have a lot of experience, granted, but I think this might just be a rare case of two negatives not making a positive."

"Oh, fuck me," Tony moaned, scrubbing his face with his hands.

"Not right here, babe. Unless you really want to make the headlines."

"Mmph, after _that_ , I doubt anyone would notice. All right, we have a parade to get through."

_Potential threat identified_ , Friday murmured in his ear. Tony snapped alert and slipped his sunglasses back on.  "Well, show me." A sea of green spread before him - and yes, _there_ , in a window in a nearby building, a red outline, a human with a metal object, Friday’s information display pointing out the nugget of potassium nitrate... Tony grabbed Steve, wrestling him to the ground next to the car.  Something flew overhead.

Steve's reflexes took over, momentarily trying to protect Tony as he was protecting him. Missile? _Thanos_?

"Gun!" Tony said. He made the nanobots start with his glove, which he used to cover Steve's head as they assembled the rest of his armor.  "You're not bulletproof, Cap!"

"Neither are you!"

"Give me a minute..." Another bullet sang overhead as the suit formed from his glove up his arm.

"Tony, I'm faster than you without the suit. Let me-"

"Here we go!" Tony leaped up, fully suited, flying towards the window, another bullet pinging off of his chest before the man gave up and began to run.  Tony went through the window and grabbed him.

"Sinner!" a woman yelled, pushing through the crowd and pointing a gun at Steve, her hands shaking and slipping on the trigger.

Steve threw himself forward, wresting the gun from her hand in one smooth move.

"God has passed judgment on you!" she shrieked, clawing at his face.  The crowd was starting to stampede, some running away, some towards.

"None of the gods I know, ma'am."

Tony boosted the amplification on his external speakers, hovering over the crowd, the disarmed gunman dangling via a metal hand around his ankle.  "All right, everybody, calm... the fuck... down." The crowd got a little less rowdy, probably because it's hard to scream and trample while aiming your phone at something selfie-worthy going on right above.

"Tony, I got another one."

"Hey, collect 'em all! Anyone else have odd religious views and firearms?"  The crowd murmured and shifted. "By the way, I highly advise you disperse in an orderly fashion.  Things might get weird, and not 'Chippendales in horse-head costumes' weird."

"Anyone looking for these?" Thor landed in the middle of the rapidly developing open ground, two screaming men tucked under his arm.

"Wow, it's just like a party, but without drugs or sex." Tony landed, depositing his own acquisition ungently on the ground.

Thor carefully pulled a street sign out of the pavement, wrapping it around the mismatched group.

"Right." Tony let the helmet fall away from his head.  "Which one of you crazies is the ringleader?"

"We are not insane.  The righteous are always persecuted by the blasphemers," the gunman spat.

"Blasphemers?" Thor frowned.

"Bit of an odd concept," Tony noted.  He turned to Thor. "I mean, you're the closest thing to a god I have any sort of belief in - what are _your_ basic tenets?"

He wasn’t a… oh well, why not. "Equal rights?"

"Heresy from a false god," the woman spat.

"I dunno, he seems to be doing better than yours.  So how did you come up with this brilliant idea?" Tony asked.

"We had a dream last night," one of Thor's two acquisitions intoned, his eyes burning.  "All of us, the same dream. A vision from the Lord!"

Thor gave Steve a look.

"I'm thinking there's a purple wannabe god at the back of all of this." Tony rubbed his beard.  Excitement thrilled in him. A chance to do it right, this time.

Thor froze. "Where's Loki. I thought he'd returned. I couldn't find him."

"Friday?" Tony asked with dread.

_The wasp flew to an abandoned warehouse on the east side.  I detect high energy readings inside_.

"Guys - some shit is gonna go down,” Tony told the rest.  “A warehouse, a little way from here.”

"Loki?" Thor grit his teeth, eyes flashing.

"Settle down, big guy..." Steve didn't know why he was bothering.

"Let's not go off half-cocked, Thor. I have some things back at the tower. Including something you left behind in Wakanda," Tony said, trying to be soothing.  They need a few things, and that massive ax wouldn’t hurt.

Thor was already rising. "I will not fail again. Not this time."

"Thor!" Tony said, sharply. "United we stand, divided we fall, okay?" Wasn’t he supposed to learn from the past, now and then?  Or was this going to be another instance of tearing the group apart while trying to keep it together?

"He said he would die again to kill Thanos!"

"And you want to join him? And we follow you in, like lemmings? Regroup at the tower. We'll be there in less than a half hour," Tony pleaded.

"Hey," Steve yelled. Thor, more sentient ball of lightning now than man, grunted and looked in his direction. "I know, all right? I get it."

Tony put a steadying hand on Steve's back, ready to push him out of the way, just in case. Thor could get zappy when he was upset. The suit could take it.

The sky darkened. Rain fell in buckets, drenching cars, people, washing the streets. Thor yelled. A primal, inhuman yell. Steve took a step closer.

"Thor, brother, we'll take care of him, I promise," Tony sighed. "Just give us a few minutes to get everything we need to help!" He knew, now, what Thanos had done. He didn't want to see Loki there any more than Thor. But none of them were any help good if they were dead.

It had rained in Wakanda, too. Endlessly. While he waited. Bit by aching bit, the fire left him, leaving... ashes. _Brother_.

"Thor." Tony let the suit fall away, reaching for his arm.

Thor stood. The rain fell. Tony's arm was reaching for him. He took it.

Tony pulled the massive man into a cautious embrace.

Soft rain. That felt right. Tony Stark, close. Steve Rogers. "I am alive so I may do this."

"We're with you." Tony pulled back, squeezing his arms. "Whatever happens. You and your brother."

"He may be dead already. Had he bonded with me, I would have known."

"We can't change that. But we can do this. Come with me. We'll arm up, suit up, at the tower. I'll take Steve." God, he hoped Stuart had found his way back.  He sent a few drones to look for the kid.

Steve watched Thor move, like a melting glacier. This was not good. He seemed to be following them, though.

Tony let the suit form around him again, taking Steve in his arms.

* * *

The glass door swung open to let them in. "Okay," Tony said, depositing Steve gently on the floor, letting the bots dismantle the suit. "Let's get to the lab. We have a lot to do and not a lot of time.  Not that I don't appreciate that uniform, Steve, but I made one that's better for what we're headed to." Impossible optimism at the time, that he’d ever see Steve again. But he had to make a suit. It was what he did.

"All things considered, part of me thinks it's damned appropriate. But yeah."

Tony grinned nervously. "Also, in addition to that terrifying ax," Tony pointed at where it lay, on a bench, as they walked into the lab, "Shuri sent your new shields."  They sat next to the blue uniform Tony had made, gleaming dully with murderous intent.

"Oh, good. I kinda need to punch two things simultaneously right now."

"Get ready, then. I have a few things to strap on." Tony headed purposefully to his lab bench.  Quantum things. Things to possibly counteract a Reality Stone, even a Time Stone. The Power Stone, he had damn good readings on, now; he had some hopes for the broad-spectrum reflectivity.  The rest, he would just have to take as it came. He checked his phone, making a brief reply to Stuart’s panicked, I’m-safe-where-are-you text. Good.

Steve nodded, walking out once he was suited up. Thor was on the landing, staring out onto the city. Steve sighed. "You need anything?" Thor looked so much bigger when he was perfectly still.

"Thank you. No." The sound of distant thunder.

"All right... just..." Be careful? What of? Maybe Tony needed help with something. Whatever _his_ problems were, at least they were tangible. But Tony was in the lab, and Steve couldn’t bring himself to go back in there, not now. Instead, he hovered in the kitchen. Just… waiting. Like the storm clouds far away.

* * *

They were spread out before him, a collection of fingernail-sized devices and ‘bot software uploads, the physical and the virtual.  Most of these prototypes hadn’t even been properly lab tested. But, needs must... Tony put some of them on his body, others in his suit, sending the orders for Friday to upgrade the ‘bots, a sea of projected green progress bars rapidly filling.

There. Done.  Tony swept all of the projected displays closed, then took a deep breath, holding out his hand.  It shook with adrenaline and excitement. He had a variety of drugs that would help with that, but - it felt important, now, to go into this without.  He stood, letting the nanobots figure out the new configuration of the suit, slowly assembling it on him as he headed back to the balcony.

Thor looked exactly the same as when Steve had left him, though the ax was there now, resting in his giant hands. How had he… no, it didn’t matter. For all that he wasn’t a god, the tech he brought with him was as close to magic as made no difference. Steve didn't even try to talk to him, this time. Easier that way. What would they possibly talk about? This was either the end or the beginning, or possibly both.

Tony looked up at Thor as the last parts of his suit slotted into place, medling, pulling close - as much a part of him, as imbued with sensation, as his own skin.  "Ready?"

"Lead. I will follow."

Well, that wasn't a soul-crushing amount of responsibility, was it.  "We'll have to be a little flexible, if some of us go down. Ready, Steve?"

"Even if I wasn't, it's time to go."

"Let's go, then." Tony held out his arms.

In any other setting, that would be oddly romantic. Steve grabbed on.

Tony shot out of the window, Steve firmly in his arms.  If they survived this, he'd stop dicking around and offer to make an honest man of Steve.  After all, Tony would never be one. "Friday, any more info on that warehouse?"

"Negative.  The energy flux is scrambling the drones' electronics."

"I can feel him." Thor surged ahead, obviously having flown at less than half speed this whole time.

"Shit... hang on and close your eyes, Steve..." Tony wicked it up to keep pace with the Asgardian.

Shit. Well. He wasn't superhuman for nothing. Steve did what he was told.

Tony flew fast behind Thor, towards a warehouse that looked, externally, no different from any other run-down, abandoned warehouse.  He held Steve firmly.

_Brother?_ Thor was not expecting a reply.

Tony felt... something.  A prickling in the hair on his arms, the back of his neck.  He slowed as Thor did, approaching the building with caution.

"High energy readings," Friday noted.  "Levels of gamma radiation at 150 microGrey per hour and climbing."

"There is powerful energy here,” Thor rumbled.  “It may damage Steve. Even your suit."

"The new suit will give Steve some protection,” Tony noted.  “Friday will give us a yell if it gets too bad."

"I cannot feel him." Thor’s face darkened.

"You mean..."  Steve asked.

"Either of them."

"Come on," Tony said, grimly.  Another one to add to the list.  Thanos had a very large tab to cash in.  Tony came to a landing in front of the giant warehouse doors, setting Steve on his feet.

"The air feels wrong." Thor frowned as he landed.

"Yeah, well you don't smell so good yourself," argued a voice by Thor's shins.

"Sorry we're late," Shuri added, standing next to Rocket.

"Highness..." Tony turned to her.  Her hair was tightly braided, her body sheathed in lithe armor, massive gauntlets on her hands.  "I can't say I'm not happy to have a little help, but this could get really ugly." And your country already lost two leaders in as many years…

"I lost people too. If I can bring back my countrymen, I will. And it's Majesty, if you insist."

"Your majesty, then.  We don't know what we'll find on the other side of that door."  Whatever it was, she looked ready. She looked utterly formidable.

“Begging your pardon, but I think we're ready for whatever that grape nutsack can throw at us."

“Right.”  It wasn’t like he had the strongest case to start with.  Due diligence, done. “On three, then." He pointed his palm at the door, firing up his stabilizer beam to blast it open.  “Three.” It hit, but instead of buckling and shattering, like the middling siding of a cheap warehouse should, it sucked in the beam, absorbing it like an ersatz black hole, swirling it, then blasting it back, an eerie prism of red, orange, green, blue, and purple.

* * *

Huddled in the corner of a Pride-decorated Starbucks, Stuart watched through the drone’s eyes, which helpfully filtered the worst of the explosion. His own eyes were not exactly equipped to stare directly at it, pretty, not to mention scientifically interesting, thought it was. All right. He picked up his coffee, bringing it carefully to his mouth, all his attention on the screen.

The explosion of light was fading, at least a little. It occurred to him that he should be more nervous, but it was hard to feel that way about a gang of superpowered heroes, even if you’d had sex with one of them. Tony would be okay. Tony was always okay. Stuart’s leg jiggled. Come _on_ , he needed a clearer view!

There! Slowly, with the speed of a stubborn download, the warehouse came into focus. _Just_ the warehouse, with a neat, nearly circular hole in one side, large enough for one or two people to step through at a time. No Tony. No anyone.

“What the hell?”

Stuart kicked his chair back, standing up, and picking up his laptop. He had to get back to the lab, he had to -  

The screen went black. _Shit_ , whatever was in there must have knocked the drone out. That meant it could do the same to a lot of Tony’s equipment, too. Stuart slumped back down again. He had to think.

Had they gone inside? All of them, that quickly, through that hole? Where _were_ they? **  
**


	16. Chapter 16

“So, you’re a scientist?” Stuart felt uncomfortable in the back of Doctor Foster’s car. He couldn’t remember the last time _he’d_ been driven somewhere. 

“Astrophysicist. Yes.”

“That’s cool. Thanks for picking me up, by the way.”

“Thanks for calling me.” She glanced at him in the rear view mirror. “I’m surprised you managed to track me down. Or maybe _impressed_ is a better word. I’m a couple of steps beyond unlisted.”

“Yeah, I noticed. You’ve got good encryption.”

He couldn’t quite tell from where he was sitting, but Stuart was fairly sure she was smiling. “Uh, thanks.”

“So.”

“So.”

The pause in conversation sat heavily as Stuart shifted in his seat.  There was no good way to get to the warehouse on foot, but driving in downtown New York during Pride, you might as well be walking. They slowly inched their way forward, marginally faster than the conversation between them.

“You’re Thor’s…”

“Friend.” She sounded cheerful.

“Okay, sure.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know you saw. Look, we broke up a long time ago, it was mutual. It was fine.” It kind of seemed like it wasn’t, but neither was it Stuart’s business. Doctor Foster suddenly inhaled sharply, making Stuart sit up. “No, you know what? It was because of shit like _this_ .” She thumped the wheel. “I think he’s dead, then suddenly one morning I see him on TV, and I'm choking on my coffee. I’ve spent the past few days trying to get through to Stark, but I keep getting this snarky Irish lady telling me he’s _unavailable_.”

Stuart tried to look out of both windows at once. “Yeah, she’ll do that. Her call restriction routines are a little aggressive.”

“He just doesn’t _think_. It’s like he assumes I just know everything. He stays away and calls it _protecting me_ , but then he spends months in the same city as me and doesn’t say anything. I don’t mean now,” she waved a finger, “he’s done that multiple times. _Multiple_.” She sighed.

They passed a group of half-naked bikers, who cheered at them. Stuart waved back half-heartedly.

“He’s a sweet guy. Such a sweet guy. He means so well.”

Stuart nodded. “You want to know he’s okay.”

“Yeah,” she said, quietly. “That. I’m glad somebody gets it.”

Pride, being the force of nature that it was, had quickly returned to its baseline form, sounding in the near distance, a safety blanket of music and cheers. It felt so _off_ to be in here, slowly hurrying, increasingly fearful.

“Can you help? Once we get there, I mean. Can you do something?” How long ago had it been that he had only known these guys as Heroes On The Internet?  But it was so easy to come to care for them as people. To want them - need them - to be okay.

“I hope so.” She frowned. “I think so. I know the space stone well enough; I’ve been studying its effects in the local area of spacetime.”

“Okay.”

Her smile in the mirror softened. “Yes. That means yes.”

 

* * *

 

Nothing. A soft, white world.

Thor felt himself, felt the empty aether surrounding him, and the faint memory of an explosion. Power, dispersed. Had it killed him; destroyed him along with the warehouse? Was this the afterlife? Flickers of blue and white traced across his skin, as though the force within him was disoriented, too. Searching. And then, a… not a voice. Words, though. Words, and pain and relief all at once:

_Brother.  Go away. You cannot win._

_Loki_. Felt, not seen. They were nowhere, Thor realized. Not the place; the word. The concept. Bright unending white noise.

"I don't want to win. I want you. If not, I want oblivion, with you."

_And what of your friends?  You would drag them to oblivion with you?_

"You speak as though there is a choice."

_Yield to Thanos.  He will spare you. He will spare Tony, Steve, Shuri - even your noble rabbit._

"A trade, then. Your life for theirs?"

A fraction of a hesitation. _He... would not agree to that trade._

"So he will just release us out of the goodness of his heart!"

_Mutual goals, brother.  You wish to exist. He desires your powers._

"I desire his death." Feeling was stronger, in this emptiness. There was nothing else to fill it.

_As did I.  Where did that leave me?_

"My savior. A hero. The reason Earth was warned of his arrival." Thor closed his eyes. "And this is not you."

_You deny your own brother?_

"I know my own brother."

_Then follow him into oblivion._

The nothing... expanded. Fell away as Thor filled it with every splintered shard of his being, his power, his light.

And then…

 

* * *

 

Tony strode inside the warehouse purposefully as the door shattered.  The room was... empty? No. Not empty. A hulking body lay on the ground; an afterthought, really, considering who stood next to it.

"Mr. Stark?"

"Underoos!" Tony ran forward, his helmet pulling back.  He stumbled to a stop, reaching out, his hand shaking, barely believing... "Kid, you're..." You're here. Alive. Whole. Emotions so powerful they made him dizzy swirled in his head.

“What's happening?" Peter looked - well, like the scared teenager he was.

“Peter..." The name felt almost alien in his mouth. Jokes, nicknames, a safe distance - but there was none of that now. Peter was alive. "Peter, it's okay..." He touched Peter, warily, felt the solidity of him, and pulled him into a tight embrace. His eyes burned. "You're alive."

"He... I think he brought me back to life."

Tony glanced down at the body next to them, releasing the hug, not releasing Peter, keeping his hands on the boy's shoulders. A grin tried to find its way onto his face as he looked back at Peter, loudly insisting that it was best equipped to represent the ongoing emotions. "Why?"

"He said... He said you could have me, and Pepper, if he could have you."

That... that made no sense. "But he's dead," Tony said, stupidly, looking down at the body again. _Wasn't he, Steve_... the thought died as it reached his lips.  He belatedly realized he was alone. No Steve. No Thor. No Shuri, no Rocket…

“Yeah." Peter swallowed, his eyes wide. Like he wanted to look at the body, but couldn't. "I don't get it either. He said something about... wanting you to see what it would be like?"

Tony's hands shook as he let go of Peter. "What it would be like." Illusion. Mindfucks. Thanos’s MO. But Peter was _here_!  It looked like him, felt like him, _smelled_ like him.

"Y... yeah. And that all you have to do is agree to his terms."

Agree to his terms. What kind of bullshit was this? The kid would never say that. Too eager to jump in with both feet, right over his head, too eager to do the _right thing_ , not deliver Terms and Conditions... "How dare you," Tony said, quietly, his voice catching.

“What?" Peter blinked, looking even more scared and small.

“You want me to _agree to his terms_ , kid?"

"No... no! I'm just telling you what he said. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"He's a boy." A very blurry one, now. "Not a fucking iTunes popup. And I'd give my life for his in a _heartbeat_ , but I'm not handing myself over on a silver platter for a _picture_ of him."

The image faded. All was white. Endless white. _Is that so?_

"Yeah. Show yourself, asshole." Tony reformed the helmet.

_You want the boy? I can do that, you know. My power is infinite. I can bring him back to life…_

Peter was screaming. He was naked, appearing out of nothing, limbs spread like the Vitruvian Man. He stared at Tony, not seeing, not half an inch from his face.

_And I can snap him back._

He was gone, the scream echoing.

_Just like that._

"I know your _type_ ," Tony said, his voice shaking. "You promised Loki his heart's desire. But there's always a catch, isn't there. Always a loophole. Always a reason to _take_ everything and _give_ nothing." Tony had sat across from little Thanoses at innumerable meetings, the businessmen with their lawyers, smiles that started and stopped at their lips, discussing dispassionately how to carve up souls, promising you everything you ever desired while scheming how to rape you without lube once you _sign_.  He didn't believe in gods and devils, but he believed in liars and thieves.  He had ample evidence. "Take your dangling bait and shove it up your ass." Peter.  God, _Peter_!  But Thanos would never give him back.

A laugh. Deep. Penetrating. _Oh, I see your mind. How limited a point of view. Here is another._

A veil lifted - beyond, just out of reach, was Thor, arguing with another voice. "A trade, then. Your life for theirs?"

_He has made his choice, as you can see. No loyalty to friendship there._ The vision faded. _But I will save the boy. If you give yourself willingly._

“Thor saw what happened to his brother. If he takes that bargain, he's an idiot." _Whenever you're most certain, you're wrong, Tony. Ask Steve_. But he wasn't certain. Every fiber of his being wanted him to take the deal. Him for Peter. One easy choice, and then there would be no more choices to get wrong. Such a seductive option. "If you were going to save the boy, you would have _saved the goddam boy_." Given me the choice _then_ , not left me there with the worst of all outcomes.

_Last chance. There are states beyond life and death, you know._

Peter. Again. Phasing in and out of a fog of existence, screaming.

"Then I have to kill you," Tony said through his teeth.  "It's the only way I know he's safe from you."

_Then join him._ Invisible tendrils surrounded him, pulling him away from himself.

_Peter_.  Do this for him, if you can't do it for your own self, he told himself, then screamed in anger, trying to tear himself away from those formless urges, directing full-power blasts at the source of them.

 

* * *

 

A smell of greenery, a whiff of lushness.  A tree, looking at him with warm brown eyes. “I am Groot.”

"Oh yeah?" Rocket sniffed the air. He knew this wasn't real. It couldn't be. But it was a damn good copy. "Well, you should see the other guy."

Groot cocked his head. “I am Groot?” he asked, quizzically.

"What; it's a figure of speech. Eh. Never mind." Little bits of leaf fell to the ground. "You're too young to bud, kid."

Groot drew himself up to his full height.  "I am _Groot_."

"Oh, I know. He's trying to do it both ways. But it don't work like that. That's what that purple bastard doesn't know."

Groot drew himself up higher, looming over Rocket, his face darkening.  "I am GROOT!"

"No," Rocket said, settling his gun on his shoulders and aiming. "You're not."

 

* * *

 

"Steve?" A cautious voice, a cautious body, slipping out of the dense, dark fog, pushing his hair back from his face.  "Is it really you?"

Steve froze. _No_. He couldn't move. He couldn't think.

"Steve, I've been looking all over... I don't know what happened, I got so lost and woke up... and you were gone... he told me you died." Bucky stepped closer, uncertainly.  "Is it really you? Not one of his tricks?"

“Bucky." He still couldn't move. "I thought…”

“I'm in prison, Steve." Bucky brushed a tear from his eye. "The only thing that kept me going was thinking... I might get out..."

"Prison?" It was so hard to think. Bucky was _right there_.

"But you're here.  So it's not so bad?" A shy smile, a hesitant touch, his fingers on Steve's arm.

"Bucky." Steve pulled him in, instinct and emotion taking over, crushing him in his arms. _Bucky_. Nothing else remotely mattered.

“Steve,” Bucky sighed, rocking the man in his arms. “I was afraid you had forgotten me.  Given me up for your new friends.”

"No! You know I wouldn't. I would never abandon you. I love you." So easy to say. Simple, with this man.

“You do?” Bucky asked, a little anxiously, touching Steve's hair.  “Because…” Bucky appeared to reconsider, looking down, exhaling a nervous little laugh.

"What?" He was high on adrenaline and endorphins. He could smell Bucky, so close, so _him_.

“He said... he said he would be willing to make a trade, Steve..."

“He's lying. Don't listen to him."

“But I could be with you, Steve. We could be together." His fingers were gentle on Steve's face. "Don't you want that?"

“You don't understand." Don't let it get to you. Don't give in to this; there will be time. "You can't trust him." He closed his eyes just for one moment, lips parting at the feel of that touch.

“It would be good for everybody, Steve," Bucky sighed. "He just wants Tony.  He trusts you. Thanos will take away all of his pain, and then I can be with you. We can go to the fair together, on a summer's night..."

“No, no!" Steve pulled away just enough to see his face. "Remember, we talked about this. It's not real. He manipulates people. It wouldn't be real. He'd kill Tony."

Bucky shook his head, smiling. "He wouldn't kill him," he sighed. "Just own him. Make him his child. An orphan finally finding a father."

“I'm sure that's what he told you..."

"It's true." Bucky met his eyes. "I've seen it.  The stones let us see all of the possible futures."

_No. He lies, you know he lies_. "I want that to be true. I want you. Believe me; I missed you so much."

“I've missed you, too. I thought I was okay, and then I saw you." Bucky's eyes grew wet.

"Bucky." Steve kissed him. Threw himself into his arms, feeling skin against skin.

“Just do this one thing," Bucky mumbled into his mouth, kissing, rubbing his back. "Tell Tony to stand down. He trusts you. The rest will be taken care of. He'll be happy, you and I will be free."

“Tony..." Wait, where was Tony? Where was everyone? Bucky kissed him again, and Steve lost himself.

“He's here, he's so close to you," Bucky murmured into Steve's mouth. A red form in the mist. "Just tell him."

Steve narrowed his eyes. It was so hard to focus. "Tony?"

The tendrils _snapped_ , sending Tony spinning, staggering. Into a fog. Two bodies, close, tight - one blue, tall, fair; one dark, a shining arm... he ripped his helmet away, wanting to see, not wanting to see…

"It hurts him to see us like this," Bucky breathed into Steve's mouth, holding him tightly. "Take that pain away, Steve."

“Tony? Bucky, we have to help him!"

“Cap?" Tony said, weakly.  He had... he had made the choice that Tony had rejected? And it had _worked_? Shit, what had Tony _done_?

"You know how to help him," Bucky breathed, kissing his ear.  "Tell him to stand down. Take the suit off. We'll take it from there."

"We?" Steve looked at him, startled.

Kissing. Holding.  Dark and light hair, so close, firm bodies pressed together. For all his fine words - yes, this was Steve's first choice. Tony's limbs felt leaden.  "Steve," he managed, a faint gasp, lost.

"He's giving up hope, Steve. You're doing it. You're doing so well. Just tell him. He will obey."

"Tony! I found Bucky; I think it's really him! We have to get out of here!"

"We have to kill Thanos." Why? Well. For a future for Steve. Whoever he loved. Tony was petty, but god damn it, he didn't have to be _that_ petty.

"We don't," Bucky whispered, kissing Steve's lips. "He can rest. Tell him."

"I know! But how?" Steve tried to gently untangle himself. Bucky was obviously under some sort of influence.

"Tell him to take off the suit, Steve." Bucky clung to him. “He has put in too many new devices. The quantum ones will harm him, if he wears them too long.”

"Just a moment." Steve tried to reach Tony.

Tony straightened, re-forming the helmet. The metal built up around his head, until a smooth gold face looked over at Steve, blue eyes glowing. "Take him out of here, Steve."

"You can't just take me, Steve,” Bucky warned.  “Thanos requires a trade."

"Yeah, well, he's not getting one. We're all getting out of here."

"You go,” Tony told them.  “I'm not leaving until he's dead." Massive energy readings at the center of the warehouse... but also, clinging to Steve?

"I'm not leaving you here, Tony. Neither of you."

"Then fight with me, damn it!"

"If you fight Thanos," Bucky told Steve, his eyes wide and fearful, "he will reclaim me.  You and Tony will suffer. It's so needless!"

"We won't let him, all right?" Steve held Bucky's face in his hands. "We got you through that before, we'll do it again. I love you." He turned to Tony. "And you. Just show me where to aim."

Tony couldn't deal with that blazing energy source that was clinging to Steve.  That Steve was professing his love for. The one at the center of the warehouse would do. "This way."

"Don't." Bucky grabbed Steve's arm.  "If you truly love me, give him up."

"Don't say that," Steve soothed. "Don't worry, I know you're confused." He nodded to Tony, ready to follow him.

"Confused!” Bucky grabbed him.  “Steve. I’m not confused. I’m _desperate_.  Look at what _prison_ looks like!” The skin pulled from his face, leaving foul, raw lesions.  Patches of scalp were burnt away. His metal arm sparked and sputtered, necrotic tissue oozing at the interface with his shoulder.  “I’m in such pain, Steve. Do you love him more, that you would refuse to trade him to _stop this_ from happening to me??”

"Bucky...!" Steve stopped. His whole self stopped. He couldn't process this. Bucky shouldn't be in pain. He stared at him.

"Steve.  Please.” Bucky looked at him with wide-eyed need, shivering with pain.

"Bucky, I... Don't you see? If I give him to Thanos, he will do that to _Tony_. And he won't let you go. He lies."

"I’m the one who’s suffering _now_ , Steve.”  His flesh began to melt and drip from his bones, and he screamed.

"Tony?" Steve couldn't look away. "Is this real?" He would know. Tony always know.

Tony froze.   _Don’t ask this. Don’t ask this of me_.  “I don’t know your… friend,” he managed.  Lover. Soulmate. Whatever. If he really is yours, the man you’re touching, kissing, you should _know..._!

"But you can think clearly! You always can. I let my feelings get in the way. Please, if you know something, if you think something, tell me!"

" _Your_ feelings are in the way!” Tony cried out.  Really? Like Tony’s weren’t? “What the _fuck_ am I supposed to say, Steve?” If he said _yes, this energy signature is wrong,_ it would come across as… jealous sabotage.  Breeding mistrust, again. Steve had to make this call himself.

“Steve. It’s me.  It’s me. _Please_.”

"What is your name." Steve looked at the mess that was Bucky _was it_ , hating himself. "Your real name. Tell me."

"I’m your Bucky, Steve!”

_I have lost my children.  I am lonely. Give me Stark, and you will have your Bucky back.  Defy me, and you will all suffer together._

"No," Steve closed his eyes, finding his gun. "You're not." He shot the apparition straight through its lying face.

_Then you will know true suffering_.  Blazing heat, washing over him.

 

* * *

 

The inside of the warehouse was deep, dark purple, like an African twilight.  The faint scents of spring grass blew through. From the darkness, a form emerged – T’Challa, battered, but chin high and defiant.  “Sister!” he exclaimed with joy.

"No." Shuri blasted him in the face.

 

* * *

 

Stuart ran out of the car, the heat slapping him the face after so long in the air conditioning. “There’s nothing here!”

He turned to Doctor Foster, who was pulling equipment out of the trunk - how had she moved so quickly? - waving his hands at the still-standing building.

“The warehouse is there.”

“I mean other than that!  _Them_!!” Mr. Stark. _Tony_ All these people who’d made such a difference in his life; in everyone’s life. Gone. How was she so calm?

“Well…” The machine - whatever it was, and Stuart was not used to not knowing what things were - was twice the size of Doctor Foster’s body, or so it seemed. Stuart hurried over to help, but she waved him off, with difficulty. “Get the computers. They’re still in the back.”

Right. Laptop cases, four or five of them, in a jumbled heap. Stuart grabbed them in an untidy stack and hurried after Doctor Foster, who was already setting up the monstrosity she’d been carrying.

“I might be able to pick up on the stone’s signature. Maybe theirs too, if they’ve been in contact.”

“So we can figure out where they are.”

“Exactly.”

Which… was a start, but what happened after that? “How do we get them out of there?”

“We’ll figure that part out once we’ve found them.”

 

* * *

 

The mist blasted into blazing white nothing, fading to reveal a warehouse that was more… a warehouse.  Featureless. A dark ceiling, a broad expanse stretching away in front of them, a standard concrete floor.  Tony pulled in a shaking breath. “Holy shit.”

Steve touched his arm, gasping for breath, blinking.

"Hah! I knew it. Show yerself, you fucking coward!" Rocket yelled at the ceiling.

Tony shuddered at the touch.  Steve… Steve truly was in love with Bucky.  It brought up properly jealous, petty feelings deep in Tony’s heart.  If they survived this, he would give the man his freedom.. but for now, they would fight.  Together. He re-formed his helmet, and shot a broad, weak beam from each of his hands, bathing the area in front of them in bright light.

"Careful," Shuri muttered. "This may not be real either."

_This_ was Thanos, Tony felt it in his bones - that malevolent presence, seated on a makeshift throne - twisted metal piled into the rough shape. The gauntlet he wore was burnt, twisted, crude, Tony noted. It almost seemed to... struggle to contain the stones.  Thanos’s fingers worked, as if unable to form a fist. "Come back to gloat, Grape-Nuts?" Tony asked.

"You killed my children," Thanos noted. "I did indeed come to take more. But you," his gaze swept all of them, "are too wild. Too wilful."

"You gotta get 'em when they're young, asshole." Rocket turned to Shuri, eager to elaborate, "I mean, he's an asshole, but he also looks like one. Literally. All puckered and pink."

"Looks more purple, to me," Shuri mused.

"I would have made you immortal." Thanos shrugged his massive shoulders. "Instead, you will die in agony. A little lesson."

"Not today, buddy." Tony started to power up his beams to a level that was a truly bad idea.

"Where is my brother, fiend," Thor roared. No more of these games. While Loki was hidden from his sight, Thor could not raise a hand to Thanos, and Thanos knew it. Anything could be a trap. Would it not be like Thanos to make him kill the man he loved?

Steve took a step back, the volume setting him off balance. The room shook.

Thanos slowly worked his fingers, meeting Thor's stare. "I did not allow him a proper amount of suffering when I last killed him. I did not make the same mistake this time. He died screaming."

"You're lying." Thor could feel it. His brother’s energy. So strongly, here, like it was there to grab. _Where?_

"Steady, sunshine.” Rocket held up a warning paw.  “Maybe he is, maybe he's not. Either way, we gotta deal with this guy first."

"Sunshine?" Shuri raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, you know. He restarted a sun." Rocket shrugged.

"It's cute," she decided.

Thor bristled. This was a not a time for word-play. _Loki would have been amused._

"Thanos killed plenty already," Tony said grimly. "I'm in favor of just taking this asshole down, who's with me?"

"Ah, your son. He yearned for the comfort of your arms in death, didn't he."

"Don't listen, Tony," Shuri warned.

"If you had died, it might have ended there," Thanos mused.  "And yet you let your _doctor_ bargain your life for the stone. It was truly random, then - your boy's death."

Tony's arms were shaking uncontrollably.  He shot towards Thanos, but with a airy flick of a finger and a flash of blue, Tony bounced off of an invisible barrier and fell back.

"He wants you to fight him!" Shuri yelled. "Don't you see that? That's what all of this has been about!"

"I'm going to kill him!" Tony yelled, picking himself up.

"I think she's right." Rocket gestured with his gun. "The old prune isn't stupid. He knew we were going to see through his illusions. He wanted us pissed off enough to go at him without thinking."

"And he got to torture us in the process." Steve nodded, slowly.

"Perhaps," Thanos mused, "you are worthy to be my children after all."

"Then let's go at him _with_ thinking, damn it," Tony growled.

Steve held his arm out in front of him. "I don't think that's what they meant."

“ _Really_?”

Thor glared at Stark. If needs be, Thor would hold him back by force. He would not risk Loki’s life for what was so certain to be a trick.

"He likes pain," Shuri mused, circling Tony.

"I.  Noticed."

"So," she tilted her head, "whatever he's planning must be meant to maximize his enjoyment of it."

"He's also a coward." Rocket sniffed the air. "I don't think he's really here." Something was, though.

"It's a massive goddam energy reading," Tony noted. Which it would have to be for a projection, as well. "He's good at making us doubt what's right in front of us."

"What's up with the glove?" Rocket asked.

Thor stared at the apparition. There was _something_ of Loki here; he knew it. But not in the sense Thanos wanted him to think…

"Come.  You each have reason enough to despise me. Strike me down." Thanos gestured with the glove.  "Show your mettle." The glove creaked slightly, straining.

"Yeah, that doesn't look too good. And he's getting desperate," Steve noted.

"Is there more than one energy reading in here?" Thor did not move his gaze.

"Not now." Tony looked thoughtfully at the glove. "You know, it's not like you could do advance testing on that baby. He'd pretty much be hoping he did it right, that it held together."

"It held, Stark," Thanos growled.

"Barely."

"And now he's getting defensive. We're on the right track!"

"I didn't think I did any damage to it. Maybe I was wrong..."

"Well," Tony noted, quietly. "Let's make him use the damn thing."

"Ohoh!" Rocket jeered. "I like how you think."

"How, though?" Steve didn't like the look in Tony's eye.

"We attack. In shifts. Make him overheat that sumbitch," Tony said, firmly.

"He wants us to attack," Shuri argued.

"We must do _something_." Thor rumbled. If he failed again, if he made the wrong call, Loki would be twice dead for no reason.

"He wants us to attack angry,” Tony noted. “So he can control us. Not with a plan in mind.”

"So what; one at a time? Like in those stupid movies Quill made us watch?" Rocket grumbled.

"Let's do it. When one falls, the next goes. Don't rush him at once, so he can take us all at once; don't let him rest, either." Tony re-formed the helmet.  “We get one shot, let's do it right.”

"I don't like it," Rocket growled.

"You think we do?" Shuri asked, helplessly.

"Dibs on the first go." Tony braced himself, in more ways than one. "Love you, Steve." He shot towards Thanos, shield forming on his left arm, reactor blazing as Thanos’s smoking glove forced itself into a fist...

 

* * *

 

The sky was leaden, and heavy with waterlogged clouds.  Drops began to fall from them, big, heavy, and cold, and Tony tried to close his eyes…

It didn't seem to work.

Most things didn't seem to work. He tried to move his left arm, and pain shot through it.  He let it drop back again. He tried to move his right, and... could feel nothing. He backed away from trying the legs.

The pain was so saturating that it was no longer pain, just thick swimming waves of nausea.  The rain, at least, was cold and soothing on his burning body as it fell on his open eyes, his open mouth.

So he wasn't dead?

Was anyone else?

"Steve," he tried to say. It came out as just a weak croak, drowned in the heavy, sad fall of rain.

"Peter!" It was someone just outside his visual range; he glimpsed a hint of dark, lanky hair. It was a voice that went straight to what was left of his gut. "Peter, I found him. He's alive!"

"Mr. Stark?" Peter ran over from the pile of debris he was searching through, towards Bucky.  He froze as he saw the two of them, Bucky kneeling over the other figure. Mister Stark looked so _small_ , even smaller than he had on Titan. Charred remnants of what seemed to have been a suit were indistinguishable from charred remnants of what seemed to have been his flesh.  His right arm was... Peter swallowed down a mouthful of vomit.

_Peter_ , Tony tried to say. It came out like a croak. Peter was here? Maybe Tony _was_ dying. Maybe his neurons were randomly firing as he got closer, and this wasn’t a bad thing for them to show him. Tony tried harder. "Steve," he rasped. If he was going to go, it would be awfully nice for that to be the last thing he saw.

"Doc. Can we move him?" Voices just outside of Tony’s line of sight replied, but he couldn’t hear what they said.  Then, a sensation of a body coming closer, and something small, cold, and metal dug into the back of his neck. He felt a sting and a body-wide hum.  "Go ahead, I stabilized his spine," said a firm, deep voice.

"All right. Peter, you take the left arm. I'll take... the right side."

Hands grasped at him, his charred skin splitting from the movement.  Passing out from pain was a relief, Tony decided.

 

* * *

 

It no longer looked like a throne. Not surprising, considering to which degree the surrounding area did not look like a warehouse anymore. The former throne was more of a dais, now. The form splayed out across it was blue and cold, blistering his arms and face. Thor held it anyway.

"I think, um," Bruce said, pulling Thor's discarded cloak more fully around himself, "he was some sort of conduit. Looking at the burns on his arms and face, where the connectors were."

Thor breathed. The rain fell slowly.

"I don't think Thanos used his body, you know, like a skin suit... or... or anything like that." He was rambling. He knew he was. He always did when he was out of his element. "I just think he needed his powers. The gauntlet wasn't enough, but he couldn't take it off. I think, um, he fed on h-"

Thor didn't say anything, but there were silences even Bruce could sense the meanings of.

"I'll... I'll go see if there's anything I can do for Steve."

 

* * *

 

T'Challa ripped massive chunks of debris from the ground, laying the area bare, looking for... yes.  A sturdy boot, a glimpse of familiarly plaited hair. His sister. Battered, bleeding, but under the large piece of concrete he pulled away - intact.  "Stay down, Shuri. Help is coming..."

"Brother," she pushed at him, struggling to stand, "I am well.  Much help you were!" She grabbed him as she stood, and embraced him.

"I don't know what happened..." he confessed, holding her tightly. They had been in the woods, he was reaching for Okoye - and then a flash of bright light, and he was here, in the destroyed warehouse, with Bucky and Thor, as well as the… the raccoon and the boy.  They told him Shuri was there, somewhere in the debris… and now she was in his arms, solid and real.

"I saw." She pulled back, looking into his eyes.  "Loki. When we distracted Thanos, he took control.  He reversed your deaths with the gauntlet..." she shook her head. "I remember nothing else."

"There was a great explosion." T'Challa looked around, holding her close.  "I have summoned Wakandan healers from Oakland in our supersonic skimmers; they will be here shortly.  Steve and Tony are not well."

She leaned into him, and he supported her. "And Loki?"

He shook his head, mutely.

 

* * *

 

"Bucky?" Steve’s voice worked. About the only part of him.

"I'm here." Bucky hovered over him, wanting to touch him and give him comfort - but it didn’t look like he could touch Steve anywhere that would give him comfort!

"Where's... Where's Tony?"

At least he had asked for Bucky first.  "Right here. Right here. We put him next to you. Just turn your head."

Easier said than done. Oh. "Tony?"

"He's, uh, not conscious." Peter hovered nervously, not sure what to do with his hands, his feet, _himself_. "Hey, Cap. Sorry about the... when I stole your shield..."

"You did good, kid." _Tony_.

"So... so did you, Cap, pretty awesome..."  He and Mister Stark seemed to be getting along? Peter wondered.  How long had _he_ been gone?  What had happened?  Why was he back on Earth?  Was it because Mister Stark was here? Was Mister Stark gonna die? This was a lot to think about!

"We're going to give you something for the pain." A doctor in a white mask walked over to Steve, holding a hypodermic needle.

He wasn't feeling much of it to begin with. Was that a bad thing?

"I'm surprised you're still conscious," the doctor continued, "but it's about to get a lot worse. We're going to load you on the skimmer, and the g-forces to get you to Wakanda in time to do you some good - it's going to be brutal." She touched him gently, finding a bit of intact skin under his arm, a reasonably accessible vein beneath the skin. She injected a smooth, cool rush of fluid. “This will dull the discomfort.”

"Tony..." He needed to talk to him.

"He is unconscious. I do not want to wake him until we are at the hospital." The proper one, back home, the only one that would do for this sort of work. She touched Tony gently, settling on an injection into the external jugular. He twitched. "And yet, he hears you..."

Steve couldn't lean closer, but he tried. "Tony? We did it. We won. Please don't leave me."

The doctor spoke carefully. "It will please him, relax him, to hear your voice. Yet he does not hear your words, and will not remember them, if he does pull through."

 

* * *

 

The rain was heavy and steady, now, plastering Shuri's hair to her head, chilling her to her core. She did not notice. She walked up to where Thor sat, battered and burnt, holding a still figure in his arms, his head bowed.  Shuri gently put her palm to the figure's cold forehead. "Go into hiding, now, Eshu," she murmured.  "We will find you again..."

"Sister." T'Challa climbed up next to her, putting his hand on her arm. "We must go."

"I want to stay here," she replied, stubbornly.  After what Thor and Loki had done for her, she owed them that much.

"Shuri," he sighed, "even with your help, Steve and Tony may die. Without it, they most surely will.  The dead will wait; the living have need of you."

She looked up at Thor's bowed head, sadly.

"He is asleep," Thor rumbled.

"Yes," she agreed.  A sleep until the end of the world.  She sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the need on her shoulders.  "I must leave you now, Thor. We will send another skimmer for you."

"I will not require it."

"Whatever you do require," she moved her hand from Loki's cold forehead to Thor's forearm, "we will provide."  She left, reluctantly, following her brother to the skimmer. Muscular nurses were loading two gurneys onto it with great care.

Thor watched her in silence. And waited.

 

* * *

 

"You are the son Thanos spoke of?" Shuri asked the boy who hovered uncertainly around Tony's body.  Not a son by blood, but in some circumstances, that did not matter. This was one.

"Uh... yeah?" Peter didn't remember having a dad.  He never felt like anything was missing, with Aunt May - she was kind and strict, a great balance of guidance and independence - but once this oddball had dropped onto the couch in their front room and taken a place in Peter’s life like it belonged to him - well, yeah.  Mister Stark was his dad.

"Then come with us.  Strap into the jump seat."

 

* * *

 

“Did you tell him?”

Bruce started, snapped out of his convoluted train of thought. The Wakandan responders had Steve well in hand, although the paramedic in charge had smiled _very_ politely at Bruce when he’d approached her. “Doctor Foster! Yeah, I tried to explain. He didn’t… he wasn’t very, uh…”

“No, I can imagine he wouldn’t be. This is Stuart Wright, by the way.”

“Doctor Banner!” Stuart held his hand out, and managed not to yelp when Doctor Banner took it. “It’s a real honor to meet you.”

“Oh.” Bruce didn’t quite know what to do with that. “I...thanks.”

“Stuart has been helping me out with the-”

A clap of thunder on the horizon. Well, Jane frowned. It had only been a matter of time.

“Is he going to be okay?” Stuart realized the inanity of his question as he asked it. Even at a distance, Thor’s figure stood out against the backdrop of dust and rain, his shoulders slumped.

“I think-” The figure leaned down. Presently, thunder clapped again, outlining him, and the limp body in his arms. There was no sound as they rose on a spear of blue-white light, up into the darkening skies. Jane’s answer trailed away.

A raven stared at them, croaked as if in wry, slightly insane amusement, and shook its feathers.  The water flew off of them, and it launched into the air.


	17. Chapter 17

Tony blinked.  A featureless white panorama spread in front of him - was he blind?  Or was it... oh, yes, he blinked it into focus.  It was a white ceiling. But it was too clean, too airy, too _crisp_ for a proper hospital.  The bed too comfortable. But he must be in a hospital… mustn’t he?  He remembered… fire, and rather a lot of pain, and he felt no pain now.

Not that he felt _right_.  Something had changed; something was different.  For starters, he could feel more than hear the quiet hum of an arc reactor, a feeling so intimately familiar that he recognized it instantly.  But - it was subtly different. No magnet? His left hand crept up and touched it, moved it, feeling it tug slightly on connectors… _inside_ of him.

He sat up.  Too quickly.  A wave of nausea swept over him, and he spat up a trickle of bile, then waited through a succession of dry heaves.  Yeah, not quite _right_ … he wiped his mouth once the spasms had passed.  Well. He tried to wipe his mouth. He looked down stupidly at where his right hand should be.

"It's all right..." _Right_. Hell. Pepper smiled at him, regardless. She’d had enough time to get used to it all, time to cry, time to rage, because how fucking unfair was it, all else being equal, that the ones who’d done most of the work were the ones who were hit the hardest? She’d cry about his arm again, and punch something, now that he couldn’t, later. They _had_ a later, now.

"Pepper?" Tony grabbed for her. Wait. Shit. That was going to take some getting used to. He grabbed her arm with his left hand. Her body felt solid under his hand. Real? "Pepper!"

"Yes." Her grin spread across her whole face. "Yes, baby. You saved me." Let him see. Let him _know_.

"Hey!  Look at me, then." He grinned, grabbing her arm, her shoulder, touching her face. "You look amazing, baby."

"You look like hell," she laughed. "Would it hurt if I kissed you?"

"I dunno, let's try. I'd get an erection either way."

She kissed him, nearly climbing into the bed. She needed to touch him too; know _he_ was real. That he wouldn’t break apart in her hands.

Tony squeaked. Yeah, he hurt in interesting places, but not enough to tip the balance away from _not_ kissing her.

"Sorry," Pepper muttered. She wasn't.

"Speaking of sorry." He pulled away slightly and failed to rub his beard. "Uh. When I thought you were... dead... I kinda hooked up with.  Someone. Steve." He looked away, embarrassed.  What an utter mess this was, now.

"Jesus, Tony." She shook her head. This? Now?

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He bit his lip. He loved her, he always had, but now things had happened, and - well, he still loved Steve. Shit, this was bad, wasn't it.

Oh god. She quirked a smile and kissed his forehead, gently. "Sweetie, no. I'm just saying, that's a hell of a time for you to figure that out. Or was it a 'not if you were the last man on Earth' thing?"

"Figure out... what?" He blinked, startled.

"That you love him." She pulled the hair away from his right eye.

"I... I do, and you seem quite unconcerned by that fact." He switched the gesture to his left hand, awkwardly.

"Well, do you still love me?"

He stroked her cheek gently, feeling his heart thrum in happy harmony with the arc reactor. "Yeah. Sure do."

"And are you gonna leave me for him, Rocket Man?"

"I don't want to leave either of you!" he said, frustrated.

"So don't."

"You'd... You'd be okay with that?" He looked around. "Where is Steve, anyway? I'm assuming he just punched Thanos in the nuts and waltzed off to rescue a kitten from a tree?"

She took his hand, trying to keep her face neutral. "He's here. He wants to see you."

"Where? Tell him to get his ass in here!"

"Tony..." Pepper squeezed his hand. "He can't."

"What?" Tony cocked his head, dread washing over him. "He's... he's not okay, is he."

"No, baby." She put a hand on his cheek. "He's not ok."

Tony threw the blanket off, pausing as he saw what was under it. Ah. Work in progress. His body was an expanse of white gauze over raw red burns, with several neat rows of stitches, two of which looked like fresh surgery, gutted from his crotch to the arc reactor. Something was off with his leg. "Take me to him, then."

"Hey!" Shuri yelled from across the bright, clean room. "Take it easy!" She walked closer, past rows of informational screens, waving a metal arm at the couple. "You're not going to fuck up all of the work I've done, Stark.” She had better get a fucking Nobel for all of the internal organ work she had hooked to the reactor.  This place was turning into Last Chance Garage For Broken White Boys. “I was hoping to keep you under until I was done with this, but my brother was giving me too much shit about keeping you drugged. I'm still doing some final adjustments." She held it out, touching the shoulder where it would meet the body, making fine movements.   It rotated smoothly in her hand, raising its middle finger.

Any other time, Tony would enjoy that. Not now, though. "Where is Steve?" he asked her, Pepper, both, his head turning to look between them.  "What happened?" The man was indestructible. He had beaten Tony with the suit on like it was a Sunday outing!

"I didn't see it. I think he tried to shield us from the blast." Pepper laid a soothing hand on his shoulder.

"Take me to him." Tony rankled, refusing to be soothed. " _Please_ ," he added, testily.

Sighing, Shuri shot a few words in Xhosa at a man passing by, who nodded. "Give me five minutes."

"So you're not going to _tell me_?" Tony looked at each one again. If the man weren't dead, how bad could it be? _Was_ he dead?

"You have a very active imagination."

Pepper glared at her.

"All right.”  Shuri flung her hands in the air.  “He _should_ be dead, after the trauma his body has gone though. We have no idea why he isn't, but I'm not complaining. He wouldn't be in as much pain if he'd let us sedate him."

"For fuck's sake.   Take me to him, I'm gonna kill him..."  Tony worked his remaining hand.

"In a moment!" Shuri held him down. "You're barely holding together yourself."

"Yeah, and Steve's worse?" Tony fretted.

"He won't get any worse in the next five minutes."

"I feel so reassured!" Tony slumped back. "Where's his homicidal friend?" Yes, he remembered that, too, dark hair and _that voice_ , so close to him. "Why isn't _he_ talking some sense into Steve?" True fucking love and all…

"Him, I sedated. He was awake for seventy hours straight, barking at all the nurses. And Steve, not that it helped."

"Then he didn’t bark at Steve enough," Tony grumbled, almost under his breath. "Dumbass believes all the "oooh, don't do drugs!!" PSAs, won't even do something for his own fucking good..." He trailed off into wordless grumbling.

"He's staying awake," she said, reluctantly, "for you."

"Then let's get over there. 'Hi, Steve, it's me,' wave, knock him out." Staying undrugged for _him_? For fucks sake.

"Working on it." The man finally returned, with what looked like a narrow metal hoop. Shuri grabbed it, taking it over to Tony. "Sit up. Carefully."

Tony sat up uncarefully, pretending his head wasn't swimming.

"Don't fight it." She threaded the device over his head and shoulders, down his torso. It remained, glowing softly.

Pepper set her eyes on him, daring him to defy Shuri.

"That's weird." But he _got_ it. Magnetic, aligning the trace metals in his skin, buttressing.  Damned clever. He filed the idea away for later. "Gonna point me in the right direction, or are we doing a 'cold, warm' deal?"

"Patience. You're not walking very far anywhere. I care too much about my legwork for that." She maneuvered a disc to the side of the bed. "Legwork, get it? Put your feet over the side. Can you do that?"

"Hilarious. You'd kill at the Apollo." Tony swung his legs over the side.  He barely noticed the pain. Anger at Steve was as bracing as the high-tech Hula Hoop.

"Good. Now stand up."

Pepper took a few steps towards him, cautiously, biting her lip.

"Uh..." Tony hauled himself upright. "Not bad." An oddly weightless sensation, like floating in salty water, his movements slowed, his feeling blunted.

"Third room down from here. There is no up. You're right next to my lab, where I can keep an eye on you."

"Good luck." He walked, carefully. It felt pretty good. He sped up.

 

* * *

 

 

"...which is weird, because I don't have the same reaction to a mocha latte, which is basically the same thing. I don't know if you've had either." Probably not, Bucky never had a lot of downtime. Really, this was the longest Steve had seen him stay stationary since before the war. If only he were sleeping. A coma wasn’t rest, even Steve knew that. Still. He looked peaceful, at least from what Steve could see. He wished he could turn his head more than ten degrees, but at least the kink he was developing in his neck was distracting him from the pain the rest of his body was in.

_ Keep talking to him. Doesn’t matter what you say, just let him know you’re here.  _

A humming sound made him turn his head. Oh. He relaxed... or tried to; it was hard to tell when he couldn't feel anything below his neck. "Tony."

"Hey, slick," Tony said, tightly. Jesus, the man was _shattered_. And burnt. And lacerated. And his head looked like the fucking Terminator. "Shuri said you wouldn't take painkillers.  Medical science has advanced since the 40s, you know, we have a happy medium between _knocked out_ and _taking it all_. Trying to prove something?" His heart was hammering, and he could feel that familiar old sensation of the arc reactor humming in angry agreement.

"I didn't want to get knocked out. I was... I wasn't sure I'd see you again." And Bucky was here. He had to talk to him. What if he woke up, and Steve was asleep?

"Like I said. Well, I'm here. Hi. Look." Tony spread his arms. Well, arm. "Goddam it, Steve, take something."  His idiot friend was slumped out cold on a cot in a corner. Lots of use _he_ was.

"Tony, if I take anything at all, I'll be out cold from the sheer relief of it." He blinked away the moisture from his eyes. "You're ok."

"God _damn_ it, Steve." Tony repeated as he bit his lip, reaching out, then clenching his fist. "I'm fine. I'm totally fine. You're... not."

"I saved you. We saved Pepper. Bucky. Peter. It'll be all right."

"I know.  You did. We'll... we'll fix you. I'll talk to Shuri while you're resting. We'll come up with something.  Like your buddy's arm, but better. Racing stripes..."

"Tony."  He didn’t look broken, he looked like… a scaffolding. Tony would get what he wanted; an artificial body. Stronger. Better. Steve was happy for him. "You know how I feel about that."

"Come on, Steve. Jesus.  Look at you. You did... everything. Just relax and let us take care of you," Tony sighed, frustrated.

"I've lived too long in a body that doesn't feel like my own. I don't want more of that."

"So now you want the body that doesn't feel like yours, _and_ doesn't work? Jesus.  We'll make you one that's like your old one, if that’s what’ll make you happy!"

"Just make the pain stop now. Please." He could stop, now. Tony was here. Bucky was here. It would be okay to rest, just for a little while. Just a little. "I can't think. I can't feel anything but pain." His eyes were running and he couldn't even blink properly.

Tony turned and bellowed, "Shuri!" Or tried to bellow. His voice broke.

"You always know what to do. Please." His breath shuddered.

"Yeah, I did a totally bang up job keeping you safe..." Tony stumbled out of the room, running towards her lab. "Shuri!!"

She ran past him, as swift and elegant as a gazelle. "I heard."

"Give him the good stuff." Tony stumbled back in her wake.

"Hey, big guy." She smiled at Steve. "It's way past your bedtime." She pressed a button on the massive apparatus connected to what looked like every part of him.

"Thank you." His eyelids fluttered.

"Now stop being an idiot. Take your medicine."

"Yes ma'am..." Sleep. He could... he wanted to sleep.

"Sleep, damn it." Tony said, tightlipped.

"Be here when I wake up?" He fought it. Just for a little while longer.

"I will," Tony promised. Shuri could go hang.

Shuri raised an eyebrow, but her face mellowed when she saw Tony's expression. "We'll move you in here," she said, simply.

"Damn straight you will." He clenched his fists - well, his fist - staring down at Steve. The thought was there, at least.

"Watch it. I may not be queen anymore, but I can still kick your ass. Even when you're out of that thing and back in one piece." Steve was sleeping. Finally.

"He's refusing prostheses!" he yelled, pointing at Steve. "What the fuck is wrong with him? He's just going to sit around motionless for the rest of his goddam life??" He blinked to clear his vision.

"He's not you, Tony." Shuri crossed her arms and looked at him steadily.

"You don't have to be _me_ to like _walking_ and _feeding your own damn self_!" he yelled impotently.

"I _mean_ , he doesn't have a hard-on for cybernetics. Give him time." She sighed. "Anyway, I can't force him. Sleeping Beauty over there is going to want his arm taken off when he wakes up. He always said he was better without it."

"Right." Tony rubbed his head, then paused, then rubbed his head with his left hand instead. "I've got some shit to get together, then." If Bucky was going to be equally useless... "How soon can you get that arm on me?"

"As soon as I'm satisfied you're not going to use it to break out of here before you're ready."

"I need to give a press conference," he said, testily, "and I can't do it with one fucking arm." Not if he wanted to set the stage correctly, and this would be an even more critical bit of stagecraft than they were usually.

"Unless you're planning on giving it right here, you most certainly are not."

"Why not? You guys have _cameras_ , surely?"

She shrugged. "Feel free. What do you need the arm for? Only takes one to give the middle finger."

"I have to look like myself. I'll wear a suit and keep that hand in my pocket. I'm not going to do the Michael Jackson thing.  Where's Peter?"

"This IS what you are, now." She shook her head. "He's in the palace, pacing. You owe me a new carpet."

"I'll get you one.  Seventies shag, you'll love it. He'll need a suit, too," Tony mused, rubbing his beard with his right hand before realizing that didn’t work.   _Damn_ it all.

She paused, wire coiled half-way. "What exactly are you planning?"

"Business matters," he said, loftily.

"All right. But I'm the crown princess of Wakanda, you know; not your personal courier." She kissed the part of his cheek she knew hurt very nearly the least.

He winced. Had she really thought his musings were an _order_?  "I wouldn't dream of it. I'll make Pepper arrange it. I’ll ask very nicely, I promise." He held up a placating hand.

"Pepper is going out for a very stiff, very ridiculous drink with me. She needs it. But I'll tell her to stop by."

"Thank you." He sighed. "I mean it. You were magnificent."

"Thank me when your arm is on and your boyfriend is healed."

"He's not my boyfriend," Tony replied tightly. "Not now that _Bucky_ is back."

"I'm staying way out of that one." She waved her hand. "Be good while I have them swap the beds around."

"How much trouble could I cause?" he asked, laconically. "I'm unarmed."

"There he is." She blew him a kiss as she left the room.

Tony sighed, slumping against the wall. He couldn't even pace - it didn't feel right. But at least he had a plan. It was a good pl... well... it was a _plan_. It was, at least, unexpected, he was sure.  Even if he had to play nursemaid to Steve while also giving room and board to his revived lover - well, he owed the man. An infinite amount.


	18. Chapter 18

Something was intensely unique about the air in Baja.  Something a little salty, something warm and calming in every inhale, tasting of living things and a vast expanse of ocean that cared little for the petty problems of humans.  It tasted like a bit of perspective.

On a good day, it could make Tony forget himself for approximately thirty seconds, until something happened to pull him back out of it.

Such as this.  He looked up irately at the soft sound of Steve’s bare feet on the wooden floor. The man had taken to walking around the house naked, letting his healing skin stretch and breathe.  As an action, of course, it was reasonable - and Tony was not. “Warn me beforehand when you’re going to parade your All-American bod around the house like that, Steve,” Tony said, tightly, focusing on the stylus in his hand and the projection in front of him.  He had built the damn house, after all.

"Sorry. I can get like a... wrap or something? I'm supposed to let the skin breathe, though." It was hard enough being in the same room as Bucky without getting hard - in fact, Steve did _not_ manage that, and frequently had to sit down in the bathroom just to calm himself. But walking around the house was no better, as just evidenced. If Tony didn't make himself scarce in a moment or two…

"Shuri said that?" Tony leaned back, walking the stylus over his knuckles. At least said knuckles weren't silver anymore, which should help the comparisons to... the other guy. The red and gold paint had taken well. "Did she ask you for photos? I had whatever the Wakandans use to wrap mummies in on me." It was petty, but damn it, Tony was feeling petty. Facilitating Bucky and Steve's love nest was the right thing to do, but it rankled. And seeing what he couldn't have just paraded around like that…

"She said it was more complicated, with me." Steve sighed. "The serum being good for something again, I guess; apparently no one else would have survived grafts that extensive. Even in Wakanda."

Tony's face went through a variety of interesting expressions. "I'm glad you did. Woulda killed me to lose you." He bent back to the projection of the blueprints for the ocular implant, frowning.

"Is that..." Steve's face lit up.

"Yes." Tony looked at it. _Not_ at Steve. Not at that gorgeous body, somehow still gorgeous after everything, smooth and muscular, the raw burns healing, fading into scars Tony just wanted to lick. Not at... that part that had miraculously survived completely intact. The vibranium codpiece had been a little joke of an indulgence, but in retrospect…

"That's amazing. That looks like real tissue."

"That's the idea," Tony sighed, leaning back and rubbing his eyes. He couldn't stop _looking_. He was painfully erect.  "It's all very preliminary. Polymers that _should_ mimic the vitreous and aqueous, but it needs a little testing still."  And once he had fully worked it out, it would be a new product for Stark Industries. Bonus.

"It's beautiful." Steve put a hand on Tony's shoulder.

Tony tensed up. "Tell me that when you can see through it properly," he managed.  Even through a shirt, that touch was electric.

"I just appreciate the effort." He tested the movement of his fingers, carefully, running them - with a touch of guilty greed - over Tony's metal skin. "The internal braces you made for my hand work so well. I don't even think about it anymore.”

"G... ood," Tony managed. The wiring of the metal in his arm to his nerve endings was simply impeccable, and Jesus tap-dancing Christ that was not helping right now. "I know you don't want _that_." The obvious prosthetic, the bare metal.

"Want... oh. Like your arm? Yeah. I'd feel trapped in my body. More than I did after the serum, the first few years."

"I like it," Tony replied, stupidly. "But that's me." And they'd had this discussion already. It was why Tony was doing this, after all.  This house, built for four. This new work arrangement. Allowing Bucky to focus on taking care of Steve, and Tony to focus on building human-looking parts for him.

"It suits you. Especially now." The color would have been garish, even cheesy on anyone else. Steve ran his hand down it.

"Steve," Tony said, carefully, "stop that."

“What?”

"That." Tony looked at where Steve was _touching_ him. "It's a little much.”

"Sorry." Right. Pepper. He grimaced. A bit much though, wasn't it? He was just _touching_ the man, hardly groping him!

"Go have your _boyfriend_ get you off, if you need to."

Steve's hand froze. "My _what_?"

"Bucky. You know, the guy who lives in your room? Missing an arm, scruffy beard?"  The guy Tony had moved in to _take care_ of Steve, in every way?

"It's hard to shave with one arm." The joke gave him time to regroup, mentally. "What do you mean, boyfriend?"

"Lover who is a boy. They didn't have those in the 40s?" What I was. Briefly.

"I'm... not sure I should be having this conversation naked."

Tony turned with a sigh, waving him away. "Then go be naked and don't have it. Unless you think silk could get you through."

"I think we need to talk."

"Right." Tony hauled himself to his feet, tossed the stylus on the table, and stalked to his room.  He grabbed his black silk bathrobe, brought it back, and tossed it over Steve's shoulders. "It's gonna be tight."

"Uh... OK." It was soft like a whisper. Not all that tight. Maybe there was something to that whole clothes obsession Tony had.

Tony sat back down. The robe clung to Steve's shoulders, his arms, his chest, his... sizeable penis.  This was, somehow, more erotic than seeing him naked. Tony grabbed the stylus again, fiddling with it.  "Talk, then."

"Tony." Steve leaned forward, easing into the use of his new spine. "Bucky and I aren't... Aren't together."

Tony leaned back, frowning.  "Why the hell not?"

"I told you. He's not interested."

"Bull.  Shit. Don't give me that."

"He's straight. You wouldn't believe the number of dates he took me on, trying to set me up with a girl a head taller than me." And whatever else the serum did, it didn’t change your sexuality. Bucky was Bucky.

"You have a way of making guys less straight, and he adores you.  I saw you two. In the warehouse."

"That wasn't him. That was Thanos giving me what I wanted." And a painful memory, now.

"What you wanted." Tony fiddled with the stylus.  "And when you couldn't get it, I'd _do_."

"Tony!" This, again?

"It's true." And Bucky was here, now.  Living with Steve. Adoring him. Tony had eyes, he could see past the protestations of _straight_.  They wouldn’t resist the gentlest of pushes.

"That's not how it is at all. You know I'd still be with you if it wasn't for Pepper."

"Leave Pepper out of this!” Tony shouted.  “She is _not_ a factor.  I wouldn't have married her if she weren't okay with... you."

"She..." Steve frowned, trying to process… what had just happened. What _had_ just happened?  

"She was 100% unsurprised when I told her, okay?  Leave her out of this." Tony looked away.

That...  _did_ sound like Pepper. "Tony. Look at me."

Tony looked up at him. One clear blue eye.  Face still insanely handsome.

"Uh, lower down." The proximity and conversation had taken its inevitable effect.

Tony let his eyes slide down Steve's magnificent chest to his equally magnificent, erect penis, poking obscenely at the silk.  Without knowing it, Tony licked his lips, his fingers turning the stylus over and over.

"I'm still the same person. I still feel the same."

"I think you are." And to the extent that he wasn't, he was healing rapidly, and being shockingly un-stubborn about prostheses as long as they were integrated well into his flesh.  Tony bit the end of the stylus. "I'm not. I'm a lot different under..." he waved his hand at his clothes.

"You never let me see." Steve tilted his head.

“No, I don’t.”

“Why not?”

"It is," Tony looked away, fiddling with the stylus, "not attractive."  He really didn't need to do any _more_ to turn Steve off.

"Can I be the judge of that?"

“Why?”

Steve put a hand on Tony's chest. "Because I miss you."

Tony grabbed it, tightly.  "I miss you, too." Achingly.

"So let me in. If you're sure it's OK."

"It's okay with Pepper.  My ego has issues with seeing that look of disappointment cross people's faces." He swiped the stylus across Steve's face.  Pepper had seen the nadir; it wasn't his choice, but she was willing to stay with him afterwards, and he wasn't about to question it.

"You really think I'm that shallow?" It was... hurtful. His face fell.

"You're _human_ , Steve."  Bucky, after all, was fit and muscular and extremely conventionally attractive.  Tony was... not to that level at his best, and he wasn't his best anymore. "The nicest thing GQ could find to say was 'not conventionally attractive,' and that was _before_."  He'd dig up their issue on Steve, if the man pressed it.

Steve took his metal hand and pressed it to his lips. It wasn’t cold; it was warm. Pliable.

"I can feel that," Tony mumbled.  It was a bit surprising, how sensitive it was.  Maybe more so than his flesh hand. Shuri was _good_.

"How about this?" Steve sucked a red and gold finger into his mouth. It didn’t feel like skin, but it felt so very much like Tony. And that was far more appealing, overall.

"Fuck," Tony gasped. It had been too long. He was almost shaking with want.

"There's nothing wrong with my insides." Steve pulled the robe aside, spreading his legs. Dear god, let this be actually happening.

What was Tony supposed to do? He pulled his hand away, falling to his knees and engulfing Steve's cock halfway.  He moaned and slobbered, trying to press deeper.

"Yes, Tony! Please...!" He wanted him! Still!

Tony moaned again, grabbing Steve's hips, pushing down frantically, choking. He needed this more than air. How had he gone without?

"Yes... Please, yes..." He couldn't even remember the last time Tony had touched him.

Tony pulled back for air. "Shit. Need you." He dove back in.

"The for fuck's sake, take me!"

Tony pulled back again, panting. "My room." He sucked the head briefly. The last thing they needed was to make a show for Bucky.

"Yes, anywhere, please..."

Tony stumbled to his feet, grabbed Steve, and hauled him towards the bedroom.

Steve's head was spinning. This was Tony's bedroom. Where he and Pepper slept. And presumably... Other things.

"Bed." Tony pressed him towards it.

Steve held him back, taking Tony's face in his hands and kissed him. That, before anything.

Oh, yes.  That. The closeness, the intimacy, the _taste_ of Steve.  Tony had missed that, too.  He kissed Steve deeply, moaning, putty in the man's hands.

"I love you," Steve muttered, nuzzling his neck. "I thought you knew that."

"Not really," Tony gasped. Pity.  Annoyance. Hope he could be something other than who he was some day. That, he assumed, never really changed.  He pulled his tie off, throwing it aside.

"Let me see you." Steve picked at the buttons on Tony's shirt. He needed this, too. Confirmation of reality.

"Don't laugh." Tony pulled back, taking off his waistcoat and tossing it aside. "I take that back, get it over with." He unbuttoned his shirt, tossing it aside as well.

Steve pulled in a breath. Some of the scars were still red and angry, irritated by the buttons and even the layers of fine fabric. He very carefully lay his hand on the criss-crossed chest. The arc reactor shone dully blue at him, as in defiance.

"Yeah. So.  Anyway." Tony stuck his chin out, his hands hovering at his belt, ready for the look of disgust or amusement.

Skin stretched across Tony's shoulder like magical vines, or eldritch tentacles in a latticework that would make a tattoo artist cry with envy. It embraced the arm, pale pink holding red and gold in a strong but friendly grip. A perfect match. "That's... amazing."

"Funny," Tony sighed, but at least Steve still seemed game. He was trying to make light. He pulled off his belt and unbuttoned his slacks.

"I want that in me. Those fingers." Steve took Tony's metal hand and put it on his ass, pressing closer. It was Tony. Deeper, more profoundly than anything else.

"...right." Steve, as well as Pepper? Tony had to try it out on himself. Hey, at least he still had a cheat code. He kissed Steve's chest - well, _briefly_ had been the intention, before getting lube, but he lingered, unexpectedly taken by the scars in the little space that was fully healed. He traced them gently with his tongue, moaning.

"Tony...!" So sensitive! It was like a thin film over his nerve endings.

"Yeah?" Tony put his tongue in Steve's navel before pulling back to get the lube from the side stand. He rubbed his metal fingers against Steve's entrance, recalling Pepper’s comments. _I don't know, it's... cool to the touch.  And firmer than your other hand. Why don't_ you _try it??_

"Oh yeah..." His long-suffering erection pressed up harder against his stomach, leaking precome. He dragged Tony into a deep, greedy kiss.

Tony squeaked with surprise.  This amount of enthusiasm, from _Steve_ , when _Bucky_ was alive... he flicked the cap of the bottle open, getting some on his metal hand.

It wasn't fast enough. Steve squirmed, trying to shift closer to the hand.

"Okay, okay..." Damn, Bucky must _not_ have been fucking him, for him to be this desperate?  Idiot. Even if you were straight, how could you not.... Whatever, forget it.  Tony pushed one slick finger inside, carefully.

"God, that's amazing. I love that. I love you," he rambled.

"Don't say that just to say it," Tony grumbled.  He didn't like that. Saying things during sex just because it's what people said during sex in the movies.  He twisted and pulsed his finger, then wiggled in a second.

Rational thought was gone. Tony was saying something. "Hmm?"

"Yeah, whatever," Tony sighed, resigned.  He wanted Steve too much to question it. He drizzled lubricant on the join between his hand and Steve, pressing it in, then _stretching_ , twisting.

"Tony... Missed you..."

"Missed you too," Tony sighed.  He couldn't get away from it, that truth that he never felt so strongly as when they had been facing off against Thanos in what might have been their last act.  Like New York. Thinking of Pepper, but then seeing Steve, worried, _caring_ for him, for god's sake, and it all came crashing down on him, how much he loved the man, needed him, the obsession that he had only pretended to himself had diminished with time.  He took Steve's mouth, stretching harder, working in another finger.

"You're so good to me." Working for him, helping him, even when he was still recovering. Doing _this_.

"Yeah. I'm so unselfish." Taking him when Steve was supposed to be healing up. But Tony wanted him so much, it almost physically hurt. He fumbled in the nightstand drawer for a condom.

"Need you." It was hard to breathe.

"Yeah... " Tony ripped the package awkwardly with his teeth, fumbling the condom on, trying to unroll it one-handed. It was a practiced motion, but he was a little more worked up than usual.

"Iron Man," Steve giggled, stupidly, euphorically, riding Tony's metal fingers.

"Not anymore," Tony grumbled. "Except when my shirts get wrinkled." There. Finally. He doused his sheathed erection with lubricant, pulling his fingers out. "Ready?"

"More than ever, now." He grinned. "For both counts."

Tony _had_ to look. He pushed Steve's legs farther apart, taking himself in hand, _pressing_. "Breathe. That part's important..."

"Yeah, even I know that."

"I sometimes forget... Hoo.... ly... sh..." Tony breached him so abruptly it took his breath away. He grabbed Steve's legs to keep from just slamming all of the way in, panting.

That hurt. Good. Steve wanted to feel it. He grunted, trying to push Tony all the way in.

"Slow... gotta... Shuri will kill me..." if I hurt you.  I might spare her the trouble. Tony drenched the spot where they joined with more lube.

"M... not... porcelain..!"

"Porcelain's... fireproof..." Tony pulsed, easing in.

"Exactly...!" Steve threw his head back, concentrating.

Not enough mental space for words and for controlling his speed at the same time, so the former had to go.  Tony pressed in all of the way, slowly, carefully, pulsing, then fell forward, catching himself on his arms and sticking his tongue in Steve's mouth.

Delicious, all-consuming! Steve pulled Tony closer, taking him into himself, spreading his legs wider.

Sex was always great, of course, but with Steve, it had that certain... Steve... ness.  As infrequently as they had done this (god, the last time had been that abortive attempt on Pride morning, a lifetime ago), Tony still found himself welcoming the almost-familiar _feel_ of it. He gave himself up to it, moving slowly, deeply, relishing the warmth and the tightness, the _closeness_. God, the intimacy. He tasted every corner of Steve's mouth.

Steve whimpered. He needed this. Just the closeness alone. Bucky seemed afraid to touch him.

Tony broke the kiss. "All right? Feels... okay?" he gasped.

"Don't stop!" Steve tried to drag him back.

Oh, if he insisted. Tony dove back in, kissing Steve deeply, moving slowly, fully, trying different angles.

Steve clung to him, arms around his neck, pushing back against the thrusts.

Tony found himself moving faster. Steve's energy was addictive, contagious. He braced himself more firmly against the bed with his hands, moaning into Steve's mouth.

Steve moaned in earnest, pushing back hard. He wouldn't last, like this.

Fuck. Tony could feel orgasm building in him. This was much too soon, he wanted to _relish_ it... he reached back, yanking at his testicles, trying to calm down.

"I'll come.." It was so good; it had been so long.

Oh, well, in that case. Tony grabbed Steve’s erection with his slick metal hand and stroked, moving faster.

_That_ hand. Tony, in the deepest, truest sense of the word. Steve yelled as he came, thrusting into the cool, slick grip.

Tony gasped at the feel of Steve _squeezing_ around him.  He stroked Steve out, moving faster, letting his own orgasm build, so close…

Oh, he needed this too. Tony, so desperate and wanting, and close, and flush against his body…

Tony dropped Steve's erection, moving hard and fast now, whimpering as he came, orgasm flooding through him, that delicious sweet flood of shuddering joy.

Steve was alive with pleasure. Whatever they had done to knit his skin back together must have done a number on whatever sent signals to his brain. Nerves. That was it. He gasped.

"Oh god." Tony pressed deep, shivering with the tail end of his orgasm. "Steve..."

“Yeah.”

"Steve, fuck, I missed you, I love you..." Tony kissed Steve's forehead to stop himself from rambling.

"Idiot. If Pepper was fine with it, why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"I thought you and Bucky..." Tony grabbed the bottom edge of the condom and eased himself out, shivering. "I know you love him."

Steve winced a little, for several reasons. "That is what it is. He's straight. He's my best friend. That's not going anywhere."

"Tough to be second," Tony sighed, pulling off the condom. But he would take it, he realized.  If it were that or _no_ Steve.

“Second?”

"To Bucky." In love, if not in sex. Tony tossed the condom into the trash bin in the corner and fell on the bed next to Steve.

"Second place?" Steve sighed, realizing. "Oh, Tony..."

"What?" Tony turned his head.

"It's not a pageant."

"Good, because I'm not winning the swimsuit competition." Tony sighed.

"Don't sell yourself short."

"Mmm, don't tell me you want to see me in a bikini." Bravado and sarcasm. The last of Tony's defenses.

"I wouldn't _mind_."

"Cut it out," Tony mumbled.  The pool was only used by Pepper, and Peter when he visited, and every so often - yes, rarely, who could blame him? - Thor.   _They_ looked good lounging around it while wearing very little.  So would Steve, but he didn’t.  Maybe Tony could give another go at talking him into it.

"What? I like how you look." The scars were like circuits, he decided. All up and down Tony's legs. Powering him.

Tony couldn't help questioning it. It was who he was. He turned on his side, reached out, and pulled Steve close.

"That's better."

"Mm. I'd say I want to make an honest man of you, but... you already are." And I'm not.

"Come on, you're already married!"

"Yeah, and I'm not moving to Utah." Tony let go and flopped onto his back again with a frustrated sigh.

Steve sat up. Watched him carefully. "You meant it."

"Of course I _meant it_ , why wouldn't I?" Tony stared at him, frowning.

"It's just... I never thought anyone would ever do that. Propose to me."

"Jesus, _why_? You're smart, funny, honorable to a fault, good-hearted, and that's before I get to the dick."

"Well, like I said, I didn't get around much. I used to think, you know, back before everything, when I didn't know how he felt, I guess part of me thought me and Bucky might... Whatever we could have gotten away with back then." They could have legally gotten married. Technically. But not if Bucky wanted to live like himself.

"Well, if he ever changes his mind..."

"He won't."

"Good, because I'd kill him." Maybe Tony _wasn't_ too proud to take advantage of _I got my dick in there first._

"Come on." Not funny.

"True, I don't have the suit anymore," Tony said, sadly. No longer a match for super soldiers. Or even regular soldiers, as battered as he was.

"I love him too, you know." And you love Pepper.

"I know. Well, nobody's perfect, not even you."

"That gonna be a problem?"

Really?  What did he think?  "It's _me_ , Steve. There's always going to be a problem of _some_ magnitude."

"That's true enough." Steve settled closer.

"I'm an old dog. The new tricks will be limited. Fair warning." Tony felt that familiar tension in his face, his shoulders.

"I knew that going in."

"I wouldn't mind you going in, now and then." Speaking of.

Steve giggled. "You're such a romantic."

"Again, you should not be shocked at this point." Tony sat up with a sigh. "Hang out for a sec." He was healed enough to shower, if he was careful about the direction of the water; Steve wasn't.  He made his way to the bathroom.

"I'm not," Steve yelled after him.

"Good." Tony took the softest washcloth from the drawer and soaked it with warm water, bringing it out and cleaning out the lube from between Steve's legs, the come from his stomach and penis.

Steve never knew what to do when Tony did that. He tried to smile.

"Don't fake that.” Tony pointed at the attempted smile.  “I mean, don't fake things in general. I'm not an idiot." Tony tossed the cloth into a hamper.

"Yeah, I don't know if we've met, but I'm the world's worst liar."

"Bingo. And I'm not bad at it, myself." Tony sat with a sigh. "Look, I suck at being honest with how I feel, okay? Especially to myself. I'm trying to get better, but you know, old dog. Pepper said _more frequent, less dramatic_. You know," Tony waved, "gestures."

"That's... Yeah, I can see how that might be useful."

"Well, I'm trying, okay... so let me know.” What works.  What doesn’t.

"Well." Steve stretched, uneasily, "I'm easy. Just don't kill other people I love and/or threaten to kill them. Preferably."

Tony sighed. "You're asking a lot!"

"Not," Steve raised an eyebrow, "really."

"I don't know if you've met me, but shitty jokes are kind of my _thing_."

"I know." Steve sighed. Truth be told, he exhausted. Just from this. It was a long-forgotten feeling, stirring unwanted memories.

Tony knew that _look_.  That tired-of-Tony’s-shit look. "Go decompress, then." Be with someone Not Tony. He gathered up his clothing from the floor.

"I don't need to decompress, I need to sleep. And for my skin to heal completely."

Tony paused.  "I can't help with the second, that's Shuri's job." For the first - maybe, maybe not…

"Would you mind... I mean, if Pepper's not here tonight..."

Tony paused, clothing clutched in his hands. "Steve... You think I'd _throw you out of bed_?"

"You wouldn't be be throwing me out! I just don't want to impose... I guess?"

Tony flopped back against the wall with a sigh. "Look, Pepper and I talked about this when... she thought it was a possibility... anyway, we came up with ideas. None of which involve kicking you or me or her out of bed. So just... stay there and I'll sing you a fuckin lullaby..."

"I know you're joking, but that is the sweetest thing I ever heard you say."

Tony's mouth did funny things. "I'm always and never joking."  He wasn’t, about _that_.

Steve held out his hand.

Tony shifted his clothes to his left hand and took Steve's with his right. "You're lucky I worked out the kinks jerking off with it. It's a lot stronger than my old one."

"OK, you have to give me the edited blooper reel. Some other time.” He yawned.

"It's only fair." Tentatively, hesitantly, Tony stroked Steve's soft, fine hair.

Steve closed his eyes. "Mm. I used to think I knew what fair was."

"Truth, Justice, and the American Way?"

"Making people happy." He snorted. God, that sounded so...

"Yeah, I always _try_ for that.  It goes south pretty spectacularly." Ultron was not even the worst of it.

"I do love you, you know."

Tony sighed, settling into a seated position on the bed next to Steve's head, still stroking his hair. "I love you so much I don't know what to do with myself." Other than design better prostheses.  And so he did, endlessly.

"Mm. You always know what to do."

"Yes, and then I do the exact opposite.  It’s fairly epic."

"Didn't you promise to sing me to sleep?"

"Uh, sure. As long as it doesn't give you nightmares."

"I don't get a lot of those anymore."

"Good." Tony felt some tension fall out of him as he turned the light down.  If _Steve_ was there, at least, maybe _Tony_ wouldn’t have any nightmares? First things first.  The only song that came to mind was more than a little creepy. But apropos. _Every breath you take…_

Steve smiled, his eyes closing. "I know that one," he muttered, drifting off.

_I'll be watching you_. Creepy and apropos indeed.

Steve finally fell fully asleep, eyes closed, chest moving slowly and deeply.  His face looked _different_.  For all that he usually looked so self-assured, so clear and confident – it was only with this extra relaxation in repose that Tony could see the tension that affected Steve when awake.  He didn’t wear it as hard on his face as Tony did – but it was there, wasn’t it?

Tony should go away, should let him sleep.  He stood, and exhaustion washed over him. He rubbed his forehead.  “Friday,” he murmured, “shut down the lights, save and close my blueprints. Lock up, let the usual suspects in without waking me up if they come by.”  Pepper, Bucky, Peter, Rhodes.

Tony dropped his clothes into the hamper as the lights dimmed to darkness.  His newly revived eternal night-light guided him back to the bed as he slipped in next to Steve.

He didn’t even remember his head hitting the pillow.


	19. Chapter 19

Steve stared down at Tony's mouth as it took him in all the way, his eyes closed in concentration for a moment. It was a breathtaking sight, but it also allowed him to avoid having to look to his immediate right, where Pepper was trying to get his attention. She was astride Tony, riding him slowly and hard, sighing happily.

"Steve..." She reached out and touched his arm, gently.

This was still new. The two of them had  talked about it for what seemed like a million years, and last month, at New Year's, Pepper had just taken matters into her own hands, and asked Tony to kiss Steve in front of her. Then, she had kissed Steve. They had done... A few little things that night, to an increasingly ecstatic Tony, but nothing like this. Well, it was his birthday.

"Steve," she urged again. He gave up, and looked at her. Man, she was beautiful. He still felt like an imposition; someone who didn't belong in their picture.

"Yeah?"

"You should tell him."

Steve nearly scuttled back. "Now? No!" Never! Why?

Tony made a little noise of protest. Talk? Now? This was not a time for talking, it was a time for choking himself deliriously while Pepper rode him nice and slow and deep…

She squeezed Tony inside her, as if to get his attention. Steve was just staring at her, wide-eyed. "He won't mind. I promise."

Tony whimpered, looking up at Steve. Goddammit.  If she insisted, say it and get it over with. What _was_ it?

Steve met his eyes. Jesus, the look of them; half lidded and shining. He couldn't. He just _couldn't_.

"If you're not going to, I will."

"Pepper!"

"Steve is afraid to tell you this," she went on, mercilessly. "He thinks you'd worry."

Tony tried to pull himself back to ask _what?_ Pepper held him down firmly. So he asked Steve with his eyes.

"It's so hard to say anything right now," Steve gasped. Pepper glared, sternly. "Uh, Bucky tried to kiss me."

Tony tried to jump up. He choked himself hard on Steve's dick and fell back.   _Bucky_.

"And what did you say," Pepper urged.

"I..." Steve fought for control. Had he ever had it? "I said no.” Of course! Obviously! “That I was with you."

Tony made an angry little noise. For fuck's sake, if Bucky wanted him, what was the man doing _here_! Bucky was Steve's first choice!

"Uh,” Steve flinched. “No biting."

Pepper laughed.

Tony gargled a wounded rant. Why had he agreed to the handcuffs? He couldn't disentangle himself!

"It's OK! I'm not going anywhere. I mean..." Steve waved at himself. "Case in point."

Pepper ran a hand up Tony's chest, soothingly. "He thinks he can't have you both, babe."

"Mmmph!" Tony tried to yell around a massive mouthful of cock.  What kind of asshole would have two partners and not let them have more than one?  Or just the one, if Bucky _insisted_?  Felt like Tony had been taking what was rightfully his?

OK, this was beyond ridiculous. Steve pulled away, gasping as cold air hit his cock.

"Bluh! Steve, you should be with Bucky!"

Steve sighed. "It's OK, I talked to him, he's not going to-"

"Of course he's GOING TO!" Tony wiggled, trying to sit up. "Idiot!"

"But I-"

"Let him talk, Steve."

"I'm an asshole, but I'm not THAT kind of asshole! What, you think I get two and you only get one??"

"I..." The world was shifting around him into new and strange constellations. "Can I?"

"Jesus, Steve!" Tony glared at him. "What kind of man do you think I am??"

"I... Uh..." Steve’s erection wilted, confused.

"Well," Tony sighed, noticing.  His was still cuddled gently in Pepper, and kept itself up therefore. "Another Wanted poster for killing your boner."

"Oh, Steve..." Pepper touched his cheek, gently. "He's not upset with _you_."

"Steve can talk, too," Tony grumbled, turning to him.  Say what was on his damn mind for once instead of keeping it all inside until it blew up.

"I'd... I want that. Both of you, I mean."

"Then go tell him!"

"Uh, now??"

Tony paused, considering. He really wanted to finish what they were doing! And it was _his_ goddam birthday.  But then it would all just nag at him! "Yeah. Now. But take off the cuffs."

"I'm not leaving in the middle of this! Didn't you say you'd never throw me out of bed?" He could joke. About this. With Tony. What had his life become.

"I'm not throwing! I am... gently suggesting." Hardly in a position to throw, naked and cuffed, with an erection that was proving oddly persistent. Must have been that blue pill.

Steve grinned. "It can wait."

Tony tried to wiggle close enough to kiss him. Even if he had been sober, it would have been tricky business.

Steve leaned down, kissing him hard. Bucky. He could have Bucky, if that was on offer. He could have Tony too. Both of them. That was _wildly exciting_.

Tony made a satisfied little noise. If this was the trade-off, he could even learn to _like_ Bucky… no, that was going a bit too far.

Steve's erection was back at full attention. He pressed it against Tony's middle, the head rubbing wetly against his skin. "You want to keep doing this, or you want me to put this somewhere else," he said, hoarsely.

Jesus, with Pepper there... this had been one of his _crazy_ fantasies. "Somewhere else. You know what I mean." No 'pencil sharpener' or 'apple pie' jokes.

"Yes, sir." Steve kissed him again, just to make sure he got the idea. "Ma'am, I might need you to move a little."

Pepper rolled her eyes, but she was giggling. "Well, sure, when you're so polite about it."

"Please, never call me _sir_ again unless we’re doing some kinky roleplay,” Tony grumbled.

"You know I'm just dying to do it again now, don't you?" Steve shifted back, getting off the bed and back on again, behind Pepper.

"You’re killing me.”  In a number of ways. Tony shifted, spreading his legs, supporting Pepper on his thighs. The way things were, there was no concealing from _her_ what this was doing to him!

She laughed. "Oh, someone likes that idea...!"

"Really? You're surprised by that?" He tried to kiss her and couldn't quite reach.

"Mm, more like delighted." She closed the distance.

He kissed her slowly, languidly, deeply. He was one lucky bastard.

"Seriously, how many bottles do you have stashed under there. This is a different one from yesterday." Steve worked a finger in, not too slowly. He knew what Tony liked.

"Uh!" Tony gasped. "Habit... don't wanna run out..."

Oh, well, we don't want THAT." Steve pushed in harder.

Pepper, trying not to laugh too hard, squeezed Tony as he did so.

"Fuck," Tony whimpered, shaking with the dual stimulation. They were arrayed against him, weren't they, and it was amazing. He moved slightly in Pepper; couldn't let her get bored…

Pepper hummed, appreciatively. "The look on your face right now..."

Steve pressed hard into him, biting the inside of his thigh.

"Uh," Tony gurgled, twitching. "More cock. Less teeth." For now.

"Oh, is that how it is." Steve held the condom he'd grabbed up so Tony could see. They'd... they weren't using them anymore, but all things considered…

"Best..." Probably best. They could talk about it later. "Yeah."

At least that gave him something to do for a moment. He looked up at Pepper, who was moving gently, almost soothingly.

"What's the hold-up, Steve?" Did he sound as anxious and wanting as he felt?

Pepper kissed him again, grinning.

"All right, settle down. My depth perception isn't want it used to be." Steve swallowed. Not like they hadn't done this before, but... he found a good angle, positioned himself, and... oh god. The head was in, he was acutely aware of Pepper, right there; he could _feel_ her moving.

"Uh!"  Tony's eyes fell half-closed.  He was tighter, tenser than usual; part of it was the physical effort of maintaining this position, holding up Pepper, but part of it was the newness of all of it, and the intensity - the two people he adored so much, both pleasing him together.  And the pain that the tension brought melded delightfully well with the pleasure of being so deep inside of Pepper, of being filled by Steve... "Fuck. Yeah."

"Mm. Tell me when I can move."

Pepper leaned back, biting her lip. She'd never seen Tony like this, and that was beyond a turn-on.

"More lube... then move," Tony gasped.

Oh! Yes. Obviously. Steve squeezed most of the bottle out, keeping as steady as he could.

Ah, yes, more slick... Tony pressed back against Steve.

"Oh..." He would go all the way in. Oh God. Steve gasped. He held back, only slipping in part way.

"Uh!" Tony was getting a lot of use out of monosyllables.  His eyes fell completely shut as his wrists twisted uselessly in the cuffs.  His thighs grabbed Pepper's hips tightly.

"You feel so good..."

Pepper sighed. She wanted this for him, so much.

"Fuck, Steve. More." He could worry later about what an asshole he sounded like.

Steve yelped, hips shifting, pressing further in even as he considered his next action.

Well, that did it. Tony was reduced to moaning, whimpering noises.  He twitched, squeezing Steve, thrusting into Pepper. Jesus!

Just hearing him! Steve was surprised his spinal implants were holding out, but then again, Tony designed them. He braced himself on Tony's thighs as he thrust, helping hold them up.

Steve was practically forcing guttural, needy noises out of him with every thrust.  Super-soldier, his ass, Tony thought, there was no way his dad had anything to do with _this_. He forced his eyes partway open. He wanted to remember this, with every sense. Pepper looked... triumphant??

She smiled down at him. Damn, he was almost relaxing!

Nice smile.  Warm, tight embrace. Tony couldn't think of much more as he started to move, pressing into Steve on every thrust, then pushing up into Pepper.

"Tony..."

"Baby..."

Steve breathed a laugh. This was insane.

"I vote for..." Tony moaned, "the second one..."  Terms of endearment were pretty sweet, when you were fucking.  His metal hand broke the cuff as he twisted gleefully in them. Damn, _another_ pair.

"Baby. Tony, I'm... I love you." Steve was dizzy with it all.

"Me too, hun. All of this is for you. We love you,” Pepper added.

God. That much love. It was too much. Tony had to... yes, put a metal finger on Pepper, start to rub…

"Ooh, yeah, just like that. Just," she shivered, "like that."

Steve leaned against her back, panting.

"Mph..." Tony had something to focus on, now, not just _full_ and _embraced_. It was grounding.  He rubbed more firmly, squeezing Steve inside of him

Pepper let her head fall back, losing herself in the mood of it all. Steve leaned into her, moving with her.

"Pepper, baby," Tony gasped, moving his finger fast, firmly. "I want to feel you come..."

"Keep... Yeah. Yes. Like that," she gasped, feeling the warmth build in her middle, spreading down.

Steve tried to keep up, feeling alien in this intimate universe.

Tony felt his own orgasm building.  He squeezed Steve hard, gasping, trying to stave it off as he rubbed, rubbed…

"Just like that... like... like..." Pepper gasped, convulsing around Tony as she came.

"Yes… no… oh shit fuck… uh!” Well, that did it, Tony came almost resentfully.  He had wanted to milk this for longer!!

This was above and  beyond too much. Steve gasped, thrusting, deeper, harder, still on the edge.

Tony pulled at Pepper, wanting her closer. Wanting to see Steve.

Pepper leaned down into the embrace, gasping a little as this shifted him in her, giving little aftershocks.

Steve leaned forward, mouth open, meeting Tony's eyes.

Tony kissed Pepper open-mouthed, greedily, meeting Steve's eyes as the man thrust into him.  He was too sensitive after his own orgasm. This was too much, _way_ too much.  And too much was just his style.

Seeing Tony like that. It was... Steve couldn't explain it, but it broke something in him in a perfect way, and he moaned as he came, hard and deep.

Deep, hard, a little painful, a lot pleasurable to the point where it was almost pain again... even without that warm rush inside he had gotten to like far too much, it was over the top.  Tony grasped Pepper tightly, kissing her hard, not breaking eye contact with Steve.

"Tony..." He fell forward, trying to not crowd Pepper.

Tony grabbed him with the metal hand, pulling him over to the other side, grunting slightly as the movement yanked Steve out of him. He was the meat in a sexy sandwich, now.

"Good?" Steve muttered, exhausted.

"Way better. I'll come up with some proper adjectives when I'm not exhausted." He kissed Steve on the lips.

"Anytime you want to, we can do that."

"Anytime we ALL want to, we can do that."

"Yes ma'am."

Tony found himself giggling. He tried to swallow it. "Apply through the proper channels, fill out the necessary paperwork in triplicate..."

"My point being, this will not stop. No matter what else I'm doing."

"You make it too easy... but I'll stop." Tony kissed him again, then tried to wiggle back into line with the sleep orientation of the bed, dragging the other two with him in awkward spurts.

Pepper snorted out a giggle as they jerked awkwardly into place. Meeting her eyes, Steve fell into the same, easy laugh.

"Mmm, laughing at me again?" Tony closed his eyes, comfortable in this warm, soft sandwich.

 

* * *

 

A solid hammering at the lab door - either someone wanted to come in, or a rhino had escaped from the zoo.  Well, either way, it would be more interesting than waiting for his scans to finish running! "Just a minute..." Stuart caught himself, and snorted. No one could hear through _those_ doors. He put his gloves down, took off his goggles, and jogged over.

"Sure, take your time, it's only the universe at stake..." Valkyrie folded her arms, frowning at the closed door.

"Hi," Stuart grinned as the door opened, "sorry to keep you-" his jaw dropped. The… well, she was a woman, clearly, but describing her as such would be rather like describing the Hulk as a man. She towered over Stuart, her tall, heavy boots seeming to take up nearly half of her body, except her body just kept _going_. And not just in that direction; her arms and shoulders were wide and bursting with lean muscle, her strong hands resting on leather-clad hips, white-polished fingernails tapping against impressive thighs. Her long, brown hair was held back in a series of braids that gave the impression they had hogtied themselves, revealing a grinning face and glittering, dark eyes, though not, Stuart felt, entirely in a good way. No wonder, he thought idly, people had made operas about her kind. He barely had time to blink before she started speaking. 

"Something is going to fly into your mouth and die in there." She strode in, looking around at the facilities - the computers, the incubators, the LC-MS and IRMS, the CyTof in the corner. " _This_ is state of the art on Midgard?"  Not an aether flux relegator or a mass/energy converter in sight.  Goodness, they were primitive.

"Um." Stuart's mouth snapped shut. "Midgard?"

"Yes, Midgard, _here_... Thor said you were one of the smart ones?"  He sure wasn’t acting like it.

Thor! Stuart snapped to attention. Of course; why else would a Valkyrie show up at his lab? "You've heard from him? Uh, sorry," he stepped aside to let her in.

"It's my job. Yeah, I know, but I really don't have the skillset for a different one."  There were very few jobs where hitting people, even gently, was acceptable, and showing up to work drunk now and then was non-negotiable.

"So, how's he doing?"

"How do you think, after everything?" She looked at him archly.

Stuart deflated a little. "I guess it's just a turn of phrase... I'm worried about him."

"You should be. But hey, good news! You can help!"  She punched him gently in the shoulder, and he reeled backwards.

"Help?" An almost literal god? "How?"

"You're good with energy containment, yeah?  I don't have the patience to read your stuff, but Thor's," she waved her hand, searching for the right term for the woman in question, " _advisor_ has, and she said you're the man."

"You mean Jane?" What... exactly was going on there?

"Oh, is that what you're calling her these days... Come on, shrimp, you want a challenge?"  She was getting bored. This was boring. And she got punchy when she got bored.

Shrimp? "Any time."

"We're talking universe-shattering power, here.  Stuff that makes an arc reactor look like an LED."  That should get a response. He’d seen that bit of technology a little more _up close and personal_ than most, so Thor had said.

"I'm listening."

High time.  "Alien tech.  Serious alien tech; even Asgardian tech is struggling with this stuff.  We need someone with a delicate touch and a good sense of when something is heading in a universe-destroying runaway reaction."

"I'm... really just a post-doc." What had Thor been telling her, exactly? He could get a little… enthusiastic. 

"So you're not up to the challenge." Really, she wasn't surprised.  She had toe fungus that was older than him.

"Well..." He folded his arms. "You're here for a reason, right?"

"I was told you were the man. So are you?" she asked, testily.

"Listen, I'm a scientist. You tell me you've got something like that, of course I want to get my hands on it. But you still haven't told me what you want me to do with it."

"Investigate it. Figure out how to make it safe. Understand it. Basic science." She flicked a trackball curiously.  The patterns, at least, were pretty.

"Basic science, huh?"

"That's what they said!" she replied, brightly. "Not really my thing."  She had barely passed her quantum physics and organic chemistry classes.  She was a fighter, not a scientist.

"Well, it IS mine.” Clearly not hers, no matter what she said. “And I can help Thor, I'd damn near do anything."

"Good!" She nodded.  "Because this is serious business, and quite frankly, the sooner we get it off of his plate, the better.  He's got enough to worry about already." It had all been quite a shock. She hadn’t been the biggest fan of Loki, but nonetheless… that had been ugly.

Stuart's face fell. "I'm sorry to hear that. If there's anything I can do..."

"Yes, I just told you," she said, shortly.  "Take care of the Infinity Stones."


	20. Epilog

The reporter was blonde, of course, and vaguely pretty - of course.  Tony watched absently as he worked. She wasn’t Christine, she wasn’t half as smart, but she clearly thought she was, and spoke with an unmerited gravitas.

_ It has been ten years since the world was gripped with mass hysteria, an unprecedented event of global hallucinations of alien invasion and death _ , the reporter noted.   _ Within a week, the hysteria had passed.  Although an official explanation was never forthcoming, the abrupt resignation of Tony Stark as the CEO of Stark Industries immediately afterwards, and appointment of a then-unknown young engineer, Peter Parker, to the role, interning under his long-term girlfriend Pepper Potts... _

"Wife," Tony muttered, routing some microscopic connectors, "they've heard of those, haven't they?" To be fair, Tony strained to believe it some days.

_...lead many to believe that the company’s often-secretive experiments were at the heart of the event, and that this move was intended to proactively distance the company from its controversial CEO, infusing new blood into the corporation.  The move, in retrospect, was a stroke of genius for the powerful company, but questions remain about just what role... _

“For fuck’s sake,” Tony said more loudly for the benefit of the room at large, stretching his hand.  “Why are we watching this shit?”

“Because it's fun,  _ dad _ ,”  Peter laughed, leaning over the man for a hug, rubbing Tony’s metal shoulder affectionately.  He had gotten used to that awfully fast. Even if it  _ was  _ a little ironic for Tony to need his prostheses to do regular human stuff, after all the time he had spent making prosthetics to turn himself super-human.  Still, Peter suspected Tony rather relished the chance to become a more literal Iron Man, giving up on his leg a little more quickly than someone else might have. The upgraded eye he was working on was an upgrade for  _ Steve _ , though, to correct some issue with depth perception that Tony had been going on about.  Cap had arguably come off the worst of all of them, after all. "You sure surprised me!"

"Well," Tony gave in for a moment, leaning back into the hug.  Fuck it, he was old, he could indulge. "If I had told you beforehand, you would have worried about whether or not you would have been able to do it, and begged me to re-think and made a mess of it.  So I just," Tony waved, "did it. And it went great! But now all that!" He turned his wave into a dismissive one at the television. "It had all just settled down, we were moving along, and now they're bringing all of the bullshit speculation up again." He sighed, aggrieved.

"Maybe I'll change the name of the company," Peter pretended to consider.  "Parker Industries. It has a ring to it."

"The ring of a company that makes substandard coffee machines." For all of Tony's grousing, Peter had done an amazing job.  Tony patted himself virtually on the back for propelling him to the lead role when Tony manifestly was in no state to keep it.  More personable, more stable than Tony; the sort of steady young man who made investors and members of the board very happy, following on the heels of a personable and steady woman who also made them a lot happier than Tony did.

"What was that about coffee makers?" Bruce asked, looking up from his laptop.  Valkyrie was off doing an interview for Teen Vogue on Feminism And Modern Relationships, and in her absence, he spent most of his time composing awkward little love notes that he endlessly revised and rewrote, joining ongoing conversations confusingly and in the middle.

"Hey, shut up, y'all!" Rhodes waved from his seat over on the couch.  "They're getting to the good bit."

"There's a good bit?" Tony tried to pull away from Peter and back to his work.  Peter doggedly kept the hug in place, not feeling at all bad at using a little spidey-strength.  He was going to miss no opportunities for hugs, now. It was just crazy that Tony was still alive, and more or less whole.  The news report made him remember, vividly, how the man looked when Bucky first found him. He shivered.

"The cell phone videos!" Rhodes grinned.  "Man, Tony, you are a stone cold genius, coming up with a way to make mass hysteria of a purple beast and people turning to dust that showed up on videos later!"

"I'm going to start day-drinking, Rhody," Tony noted.

" _ Start _ ? Bitch, you were day-drinking when we first met."  Rhodes turned up the volume on the large, slender flat-screen.

_ World-renowned interdimensional physicist Doctor Jane Foster has maintained that the only possible explanation for the event is a convergence of multiple forces on a quantum level... _

Bruce looked up from his laptop.  "Jane?  _ Really _ ?  She knows..." he gestured, almost knocking his laptop onto the floor, "diddly about quantum physics!  Her degree is in  _ astro _ physics!"

"She's a fine-looking woman," Rhodes noted.

"Yes!  That's why she's on TV!"  Bruce sighed. Her voice was smooth and soothing in the interview.   _ It is reasonable to speculate that the higher than usual solar flare energy, combined with the effects of an experimental neurotoxin that I believe was released by accident... _ "This is physically painful to listen to!" he complained.  “Even… even if it does offer a superficially pleasing rationale to soothe the public over a very unsettling event…”

“Now you’re gettin’ it,” Rhodes noted.  “Anyway, Tony, wrap that up, all right? We have to take you out for your bachelor party.”

“He’s…” Bruce adjusted the screen of his laptop, diving back into his writing, “not a bachelor.”

“Tradition,” Rhodes noted, loftily.

 

* * *

 

 

"I like it here," Gamora said, stubbornly.  "Nobody looks at me oddly when I walk amongst them."

"Nobody looks at you oddly anywhere; you're gorgeous!" Peter tapped his foot against the chair leg, nervously. "I just don't think-"

"You're scared of Stark, that's what you are." Rocket finished peeling his apple, pointing the knife in Peter's direction. "You're not fooling anyone."

"No!" Peter laughed nervously, foot tapping faster. "What? Why?"

"Maybe because he wants to kill you?"

"I am Groot," Groot said, rolling his eyes with the crack of bark and a flutter of leaves.

"Yes," Drax agreed, "a duel. That is fitting.  A duel... for honor."

"No," Gamora said, firmly. "There has to be a better way."

"Guys!" Peter waved his arms. "I am  _ not  _ scared of Stark, all right?"

"Yeah, right!" Rocket snorted. "You're scared shitless."

"Not everyone likes New York!"

"That is  _ good _ , because there are too many people in the universe for such a small location. Although Gamora and I both like it," Drax noted. "But it is true, the Iron Man is a fair warrior. Peter is right to fear him - he is  _ not _ a warrior."

"I am Groot," Groot grumbled, crossing his arms.

"You like anywhere that has trees and dirt in it. So it's got a park. Big whoop." Rocket crossed his own arms, defiantly. 

"Is anybody hearing what I'm saying? I'm not-"

"Well, this is cozy." Nebula stepped inside, holding the door. "Come on in, meet the family."

"Hey, y'all!" Rhodes gave his best cheerful wave to the imposing group.  Returned, repaired. Even, against all odds, Nebula's sister… then again, they were called Infinity Stones for a reason.  Loki had done rather a lot, in that last moment.

"I am Groot," Groot grumbled.

Rhodes frowned. He had tried to pick up a little Groot to show solidarity, but... "Pudding...  nationals?" What was  _ that _ ?

"He's mumbling," Drax noted. "The young are very moody during their growth spurt." He refrained from telling Rhodes what Groot had actually said. He liked the man.

"You weren't kidding," Peter mumbled. He looked over at Gamora, in panic. "She wasn't kidding."

"When has she ever?" Gamora asked, squeezing his arm. He was attractive when he was panicked!

"Kidding about what?" Rhodes asked.

"You," Nebula groused, stepping in front of him. "Is this going to be a problem?" she asked, staring Peter full in the face.

"Problem? No, no... No! Why would it be?"

"Because your girlfriend's sister is dating the best friend of the guy who wants to kill you," Rocket supplied, helpfully.

"Oh!" Rhodes snapped his fingers and pointed at Peter. "I was gonna say! I mentioned your name to Tony earlier, and he got that twitch under his eye, but he didn't rush off to punch things.  So, it's getting better!”

Peter looked down. He slumped, legs no longer twitching. "I wish he would."

"Say what?" Rocket's ears picked up.

"I wish he'd... punch me."

"Oh baby," Gamora sighed, leaning into him. "It was just because you love me." Yes, it was ill thought out and counterproductive, but it was loving, and wasn't that  _ all _ very  _ Peter _ ?

"Great," Rhodes sighed, "another one."  Another masochist on a self-pity spree. One was  _ plenty _ .

" _ I _ can punch him, if this would help relations," Drax offered.

"I am Groot," Groot added, helpfully.

"I know, we  _ all _ want to punch him," Rocket sniffed.

"Great. We're in agreement on wanting to punch Peter." Nebula made a fist.

"Okay! Geez!"

"Nobody is punching anybody!" Gamora said, firmly.

"Yeah, we're trying to make peace, these days," Rhodes added. "And Tony sent me to invite everyone to the wedding."

"What wedding? Wait-" Peter's eyes widened. " _ Everyone _ ?"

"It was through his teeth,” Rhodes admitted. And with Pepper's nails digging into his arm.

"His wedding? I thought he was already married?"

"He is. Just not legally,” Rhodes noted. And when it came to access to Steve when Bucky had a claim, Tony cared about the legalities.

"In Wakanda," Nebula corrected him. She liked Tony. He'd done so much for the two of them.

Rocket waved a paw. "In Wakanda, sure. Everything's legal in Wakanda."

"What am I missing here?" Was it Stark's wedding?

"He's marrying Steve, too. I forget, I'm so used to it now!" Rhodes spread his arms helplessly.  “And Wakanda isn’t some sort of libertarian free-for-all, it’s just a little more permissive about what consenting adults get up to.”

"It is a sensible move," Drax mused. They loved each other. They should be married. Family was important!

Captain America. Hell. Tony Stark was one thing, freaking Iron Man was another, but Captain America? "That's it. I'm moving to Mars,” Peter groused.

"What's Mars?" Rocket asked.

"He's not going to kill you," Nebula sighed.

"I don't want to fuck up his wedding," Peter yelled. Rocket's whiskers twitched. "I've done enough. And I can't live in New York. I shouldn't even be on this planet. I fucked up, Stark's pissed at me, and I get it."

"It's nice, isn't it," Gamora said, relentlessly, powering through his monologue, staring at him. "Getting married to someone you love."

"I am Groot," Groot sighed.

Drax frowned. "No, Groot, it's actually not in the least bit subtle."

"Of course it is,” Peter hugged himself, “that's my point!" 

"So when's this wedding?" Rocket gave up, literally turning his back on the whole dramatic production.

Rhodes fingered the box in his pocket, Tony’s words ringing in his ears.  _ Just give it to her, Rhody, you never know _ ...  _ At the reception, I promise! _ "August 27. They wanna keep the anniversaries simple." 

"Well, I'd never say no to a free party. We'll be there, won't we, kid?" He glanced at Groot. 

"I am Groot?"

Rhodes brightened. He got that! "Yeah whatever you want! He loves to feed people."

"Sorry, like I said, he's a kid." Rocket shrugged.

"You should go.” Peter glanced up at Gamora. Geez, every time he looked at her, it was like his heart stopped. Just like hers had. 

"Yes, we're going to go." She took his hand firmly.  "I want to see a wedding."

"I am Groot."

"I think Groot needs vocabulary lessons," Drax said, concerned. That wasn't what  _ subtle  _ meant!  It was practically the opposite!

"Baby, I can't go there." It  _ hurt  _ to disappoint her. But what could Peter do?

Nebula rolled her eyes.

"Does anyone have a good knock-out gas for dragging someone to a party?" Gamora asked.

"All kinds," Rhodes assured her.

"Hey, Peter? If we agree to move somewhere else, will you come?"

"Hey," Nebula protested. "I was looking forward to gassing him." Or at least seeing James do it. He was a fine warrior, and pleased her. In many ways.

"I just didn't want to be the one stuck with carrying him all the way over there." Rocket shrugged.

Peter sighed. "Fine."

"I like New York," Gamora sighed, longingly.

"It's a big city. A really big city," Rhodes noted. "Live in a different borough, and you might as well be on Mars."

"Mars has different gravity and atmosphere," Drax protested. "It wouldn’t at all be like a different part of Earth!"

"That's not what  _ Tony _ said," Nebula muttered.

"How's old Iron Balls doing these days, anyway? He ended up with the stones; what happened there?"

"Well." Rhodes took a deep breath. "Ready for a long, strange story?" 

 

* * *

 

"It is indeed a strange story," Vision mused. 

"No stranger than anything else that's happened in the past ten years." Stuart grinned. "It's good to see you."

"It pleases me to see you, too, young Stuart. You have made quite the name for yourself in such a short time!"  A mere ten years, a blink of an eye.

"Thanks." He never knew quite what to do with praise like that. And he seemed to be getting a lot of it, lately. "Uh, would you like to see the set up? We're right by the lab." 

"Absolutely. If anyone can unlock the secrets of these Stones..." 

"I'd say it's you!" Stuart grinned, leading the way. "You're part of one, after all. Or is it part of you?" 

"An interesting philosophical question!" Vision replied. "We are neither complete without the the other. Symbiotic, perhaps?" 

"Well, I'd say that makes you the expert, not me." 

"It would be senselessly egotistical to think that my perspective is superior to yours," Vision noted. "In addition to your intellect, you have the human instinct to make connections beyond the obvious." 

"Then I'd like to get your perspective on this." He held the door open, letting Vision follow him into the stark, white room. On a dais inside a protective casing lay the remaining stones, suspended in mid-air. "We're not doing that - they are. It's like they're orbiting one another." 

Vision rubbed his forehead, where his own stone was glowing a dull, pulsing yellow in response to the presence of the other stones. "Interesting." 

"It's perfectly stable." 

"They enjoy each others' company..." Vision blanched slightly, then looked down. 

Stuart frowned. "You okay?" 

"They enjoy each others’ company in a very similar manner to how I enjoy Wanda's," Vision confessed. "I miss her." 

Her? Was he talking about the stones? "Who?" 

"My... I'm not sure if she would appreciate the term  _ girlfriend _ ?" 

"Oh. Right." Of course, she was away somewhere, wasn’t she? Stuart smiled a little at his own sudden and ridiculous idea; stones couldn't love. 

"She has gone to... withdraw from the world for a while and learn the mystic arts, to tame her own power."

"And you can't go with her." 

"I could.  But she did not want to have anyone she had strong feelings for with her, she said."  Vision looked down. "I'm pleased that she has strong feelings for me, but it... affects me negatively to have her gone."

That didn't make much sense to Stuart's way of thinking, but to each their own. "That's rough. I'm sorry." 

"I appreciate your consideration. Watching those stones," Vision stepped closer, "it feels like a state I would desire.  A metaphor, perhaps?"

"You're welcome here any time." 

"Perhaps this would be a pleasing distraction,” Vision considered. A project to occupy his mind, to let it dwell on something other than Wanda, now and then. To speed up the subjective time until she returned. To ease the ache of the uncertainty that she might  _ not _ .

"Any help you can get me, I'd welcome it."

Vision nodded solemnly.  "Perhaps we should converse with them."

Stuart frowned. He couldn’t have heard that right.  "What do you mean?"

"Is that not typical, for sentient beings?" To converse, to share ideas?

"Wait; hold up...  _ Sentient _ ?"

"Yes - you did not realize that?"

"Sentient, as in they can think?" Hadn’t he just laughed at the idea that stones could have feelings?

"Absolutely, young Stuart. And they have personalities. My own personality is as much a product of Mind as it is of Stark and Banner.”

"And you... Talk to it?" 

"Not really. It's part of me, you see.  You speak to Mind, to some extent, when you speak to me." Vision smiled slightly.

"Okay..." Stuart tried to wrap  _ his  _ mind around all this. "So... Can we talk to the others?" 

"I don't know. But there is nothing to lose in the attempt, is there?"

"I wouldn't even know where to begin." 

"I thought you were the genius," Vision quipped. That, at least, he could tell he got from Stark. That, and the uncertainty that Wanda truly loved him… no, enough of that. He needed this distraction. He stepped closer, putting his hand up, seeking to  _ feel _ . His own stone glowed warmly in welcome.

"I didn't say I wouldn't figure it out!" 

"I am eager and willing to assist." The vibrant colors reflected in Vision's eyes.

"Perfect. It would be great if we could get some results before the wedding." It'd be one hell of a present. 

 

* * *

 

 

"I didn't bring a present." Jane squeezed Thor's hand, looking out over the expanse of happy, chattering people. Tony Stark sure knew how to throw a party. And from what Thor had been saying, it seemed like the level of extravagance was usually equal to the emotional turmoil he wanted to avoid.

"Only your company is expected." She truly was beautiful, Thor reflected. Radiant, tonight, her dress a mass of sparkles in the carefully set light of the hall. "And I appreciate it."

"I know it's been..."

"Yes." Talking about it made it worse. They were alive. There was peace, for now. These were the important things; what they had to focus on.

"It looks like everyone is here." Almost literally. If someone had told her Stark had invited the entire population of New York, it would not have sounded all that off.

"Most everyone." Thor shifted in his...  _ suit _ . Was that the word? It had been tailored perfectly to his body, and was not uncomfortable, but it was a reminder.  _ Loki _ .

"It's all right." Jane let go of him, feeling like he needed the space, for now. "I can tell your mind is somewhere else."

"Don't care where his mind is, as long as his body is here." Tony grabbed Thor's beefy frame. For stability, as much as anything.

"Tony!" Thor caught his waist and pulled him close, crushing him in an embrace. Well, with some restraint. Tony's suit, though mightily impressive, was not of metal tonight.

"Hup!” Tony wheezed. Then Thor let go, and Tony could talk again. “Yeah, good to see you too, buddy, you and your..." He glanced at Jane. What  _ was _ she to him, now?

"Yes! Tony Stark, you must meet-"

"We've met," Jane smiled, trying not to turn it into a smirk.

"Yeah, uh, met..." Tony scratched his head.  Better not to dig in too far, they might still be… in some sort of relationship that would lead to Thor hitting him? "Seen Stu? I want to... give him a hug..."

"I will send him your way if I see him." The man reeked of nerves! Understandable, perhaps, but there was no need. Thor clasped Tony's arm, meeting his eyes, and grinning. "All will be well."

"Easy for you to say!"

"You are already wed! This is a ceremony - and I well know the import thereof - but the bond is already there."

"Speaking of bonds..." Tony rubbed his beard.

"Yes…” Thor hesitated. The memories were  raw. “I still owe you a debt of thanks. You delivered the materials for the ritual, even after..." 

Tony waved his metal hand.  "Don't mention it."

"Tony!" Rhodes hurried over. "There you are. I'm supposed to not let you get too drunk."

"Lost cause..." Tony mumbled.

"The colors!" Thor grinned, waving at the hand. "I like it."

Hadn’t Thor seen them before?  Well, despite Tony's reputation, the world didn’t actually revolve around him.  "Yeah, I was getting tired of getting mistaken for  _ that guy _ ..."

"He was tired of that, too," Rhodes noted.

"Ah." 

"I thought I saw him by the buffet earlier." 

"Good thing I'm too nervous to eat."  Tony straightened his shoulders unsteadily.

"Drinking on an empty stomach? Do you  _ want _ to barf all over your groom?" Rhodes sighed.

"If there's nothing to barf up..." Well, other than champagne. And whiskey. And gin.

"It is a momentous occasion. There should be drink. On Asgard, we would say that a wedding where the guests are not drunk by the end of the evening, has a bad host."

"Those weddings also had knife fights,” Jane pointed out.

"Just a few..."

"Don't. Give him. Any. Ideas." Rhodes put his hands over Tony's ears.

Tony shook them off irritably.  "Where's Peter?"

"Right here, dad." Peter embraced him from behind. "Damn, that was a good set up." 

Tony reached around awkwardly for a backwards hug. "I have a reputation to uphold."

"Yeah, as a drunk," Rhodes sighed.

“Hey, Mr… Tony.” Ned tried to make himself unseen behind Peter, which was about as improbable as it sounded. It was hard to shake that formality, even after three years of having him as a father in law. Well. A fair few more than that, if you counted the years before the wedding.

"You are  _ so _ not drunk." Peter grinned. 

"I'm working on it! If I didn't have this nursemaid, here!" He waved at Rhodes irately.  Like Ned was for Peter. He took better care of the boy than Tony ever could, he had to admit.

"My goal is to get you to the altar in a fit state to stand and mumble  _ I Do _ . Everything after that is on you." Rhodes held Tony's shoulder firmly.

"Come on." Peter put a hand on Tony's back. "You've done this before. Deep breaths." 

Ned could relate. He’d only done it once, and the idea of doing it again, even to the same person, was enough to make him want to start drinking, too. 

"Doesn't get easier, kid!" Tony said, tightly.

"Hey, Peter, better go find the groom.  The officiant likes her dramatic entrances, doesn't she..." Rhodes sighed.

“Wait,” Ned hurried after Peter. “She’s here? For real? I thought she was in Wakanda?”

"Should we be seated..." Thor asked as the couple hurried away.

"Yeah, sorry; that's my job." Stuart jogged in, kissing Tony on the cheek. "Sorry. It turns out being a toastmaster has a lot less to do with toasting, and a hell of a lot more to do with herding people around and organizing. I'm on top of things, though."

"Doin okay, babe?" Tony asked Stuart, a little sadly.  Still single, after all these years, and such a smart and handsome kid?  Tony must  _ really _ have messed him up.

"Oops! He's getting maudlin. Let's get him to the altar." Rhodes grabbed him.  "If the Mistress of Ceremonies got tied up with some Wakandan business, we'll just have Thor do it."

"Okay." Thor smiled.

"You are NOT licensed to do that." Jane took his arm.

"Not what?"

"Licenses, shmicences. This is just the ceremony." The legalities were already in process. Shithell. Legalities. Tony grabbed a glass of champagne from an impeccably dressed server. 

"Let me know if you need my assistance,” Thor gave a little bow, “and you will have it!"

"You got it, bud." Tony tapped Thor’s chest with his knuckles, then turned resolutely as Rhodes marched him through the crowd.

"Let's get seated." Jane pulled him in the general direction of the crowd, and Thor let her.

 

* * *

 

Tony walked out into the outdoor gathering area towards the raised, flower-festooned dais.   _ Someone  _ gave a signal to someone else, and music started - rhythmic, heavy on the drums.  It gave regularity and energy to his footfalls, and wasn't that smart? Screw  _ here comes the bride _ . Also, he wasn't one.

Steve was a groom, though, and the handsomest thing Tony had ever seen, and that wasn't just the champagne talking. Not even on top of the whiskey.  On top of the gin. His suit was immaculately white, his hair was immaculately sandy blonde, and Bucky next to him was immaculately smirking.

Tony walked to the top of the dais, grasping Steve's hands.  "Might need to call in the understudy."

"You're having second thoughts?" Steve had to concentrate not to hold Tony's hands too tightly.

"Not for  _ me _ , I’m talking about..." The scream of a predator bird overhead distracted him. He looked up. It was circling ominously.

Thor looked up. He narrowed his eyes.

The bird circled lower, finally alighting in front of them, simultaneously turning into a tall, haughty woman in a tight, low-cut black lace dress that screamed  _ Elvira _ to Tony.

"Is all ready for the sacrifice?" she asked, her voice carrying out over the crowd.

"Wait." Jane leaned forward. "Is that..."

Thor's head fell into his hands. By all the Norns...!

"Funny," Tony replied to the officiant.

"May the gods have mercy on your souls," she intoned.

"You're next, you know," Tony noted. If Thor had any say in the matter. And he tended to.

"Uh." Jane bit her lip. "Should you..."

"No." Thor crossed his arms, grinning. "Tony agreed to this, he knew what was coming."

Loki flung her arms wide. "Your officiant is here!"

"When he-" Jane whispered.

"She," Thor said, patiently.

"Right; when she said 'sacrifice', she didn't mean..."

"I have no idea what she meant," Thor said, with a hint of pride.

"Right, but was it just a figure of speech or-"

Thor shushed her. "Just watch."

"Are you prepared," Loki asked, "to sacrifice your pleasure, your happiness, your freedom - what little  _ you _ still have left," she pointed at Tony, "for each other's company?"

"Damn straight," Tony replied, staring into Steve's eyes.

"No," Steve said, eyes glittering. "'Cause that's not how it works." The crowd laughed as he grinned. "But I  _ will  _ take him."

"Hopefully, you can wait until  _ after _ the ceremony for that?” Loki sighed.

"Don't push your luck, Odinsdottir."

"Hey, you were the ones who wanted an  _ interesting _ ceremony," she replied, haughtily.

Tony circled his hand. "Get on with it."

"Marriage is a great sacrament in Asgardian culture," she intoned, "maybe less so for Odin, but nonetheless. Not to be entered into lightly, whether with one or many. Do you pledge to respect and remain faithful to Tony, Steve Rogers?"

"Yes, ma'am." 

"Good lord, you mean it.  Well, this one should be easier for you," she said, turning to Tony. "Do you pledge to respect and remain faithful to Steve, Anthony Stark?"

"Yes, I do." Tony couldn't look away from Steve.

Bucky ducked his head down and wiped his eyes.

God, Bucky was crying, Steve noted. He'd set Steve off in a minute. They had better hurry this thing off.

"Are you..." Jane looked at Thor with concern. 

"What," he sniffled.

"Then by the authority vested in me by the Regent of Wakanda - not to mention, as the goddess of mischief - I declare you husband and husband."

Bucky covered his face as his shoulders shook with silent laughter.  Please, please let this end soon! He was going to lose it.

Steve hesitated. "Uh. Do I..." 

"Stick your tongue in his mouth?  Better you than me,” Loki noted, tartly.

Steve blushed.

"You may kiss," Thor boomed, encouragingly. 

"They won’t be happy ‘til we do.” Tony leaned in, pressing his lips to Steve’s.

Steve pulled him in closer, kissing him like the world would end if he didn't. 

Tony squeaked in surprise and delight, tilting his head and kissing Steve back.

“Hey, uh,” Rhodes leaned into Stuart as the guests politely applauded, “so, is asking someone to marry you at someone else’s wedding… is that baller, or is that tacky?”

Stuart laughed in surprise. "Man, I don't know. Guess it depends on who you're asking?" 

“Oh, I thought I’d ask Jane,” Rhodes deadpanned.  “No, my  _ girlfriend _ !”

"All right, all right, I'm a scientist, okay? You ask me a question, I wanna give you a specific answer." He grinned. "So it's really happening?" 

Rhodes jammed his hand into his pocket and pulled out a little box.  “Maybe. If she says  _ yes _ .”  The crowd cheered, and he glanced up to where his old friend and his old friend’s old crush were making out like it was a contest.  “She’s over there, trying to help her sister settle her sister’s boyfriend. Or maybe they’re holding him up – they were pouring a lot of booze into him to keep him from bolting.”

Stuart winced. "I think I walked by them earlier. He looked more green or blue than either of them."

Rhodes chuckled.  “Well, tacky or not, I’m gonna do it.  She knows I’m tacky already.”

"She loves you, man. Anyone can see that." Like Tony loved Steve. Stuart looked up, smiling a little wistfully. It'd be nice to have something like that, one day. But it had to be  _ right _ . 

"I hope so.  Just seems too good to be true, ya know, like the perfect woman  _ literally _ drops out of the sky one day?”

"Perfect for you. That's how it is for everybody, I guess. However you meet someone. It's all a little bit random." He repositioned his camera, getting a better angle for Pepper. His shots were just for her, on Tony's orders. Another,  _ official _ wedding photographer was taking the pictures for public consumption. 

Rhodes leaned in. "Tony thinks he messed you up, you know," he said, quietly.

"What?" Stuart started. "Why?  _ How? _ " 

"I dunno, by having sex with you when you were a teenager?"

"Oh my god. If you knew what I had to go through to get him to do that...!" 

"Well, now I'm disturbed," Rhodes said, cheerfully.

"You should be. I was a bit of a mess. I guess all teenagers are." 

"Yeah, that's why fifty-something men are supposed to have more sense."  Tony wasn’t the first middle-aged man who had a teenager hanker after him, not by a long shot.

"Well, he was a mess too. Pardon me for saying so." 

"Was, is, probably always will be."

"Well, you go be a good example, then. Go rescue Nebula from her family obligations. I gotta take more pictures." 

"Whoever thought  _ I'd _ be a good example..." Rhodes squeezed Stuart's shoulder and walked off purposefully.  What a world.

 

* * *

 

 

Thor wrapped his hand around the pale, slender one holding the glass of champagne. There was the thing. Loki smelled like Loki; some undefinable undertone, no matter what Loki might be. Shifting, yes; the musk feminine or masculine, but always, always there. He pressed in close, breathing it in, lips a half-inch from her neck.

"Does the King of Asgard desire an anonymous tryst?" she teased.

"You know full well what I want." His other hand slid over her narrow waist. "You did not give me the pleasure of your company before; must I be bereft of it even now?"

"I had much work to do," she complained. "A mere ten years is so little, compared to how much the fabric of creation was warped. Repairs are ongoing.  You wouldn’t  _ believe  _ some of the alternative timelines that were spun off by the Stones, brother.  Contradictory, nonsensical… and hard determinism is just the  _ worst _ . So  _ boring _ ."  This was a far more mischief-ripe outcome for the Iron Man and the Captain.  The former was suicidal enough already, he didn’t need that to be  _ indulged _ .

"Sometimes," he sighed into her hair, her presence so strong it felt like a magnetic field, "you sound like an actual god."

"It's important to keep up appearances." She leaned back into him, the firm bulk of his body.

"Is this you, now?" Pale and tall and stately, lean muscles playing against his skin through sheer fabric.

"Who else? The illusion is for the Midgardians."

"You know what I mean. Are you healing?"

"Yes, brother," she sighed. "My male form was by far the more damaged. It may be some decades before I can inhabit it for more than a short time without pain."

"Sometimes I still feel the weight of you in my arms." Lifeless, yet again. "I did not leave your side, you know. Not until I saw the first signs of change."

She put her free hand over his.  "Even then, I felt you." As she had the time before. She remembered all, now - even  _ that _ , his hand on Loki's near-lifeless, neck-broken body, holding spirit to flesh in just that critical moment before the explosion.  Before the vacuum of space had frozen her, preserved her.

"And now? Why hide?" There was an insistent possessiveness in needing to show her off. 

"They wanted something memorable," she waved at where Steve and a very drunk Tony sat talking with the remnants of the party, "and I gave them a dramatic exit. It loses the punch if I show back up again afterwards!"

"You're so much better at this than me. No matter what Tony says." Thor could woo a crowd, yes, but not in the subtle ways Loki could.

"He mocks me, now, with affection," she noted.

"An art with which you would be entirely unfamiliar." She smelled like  _ home _ . Thor kissed her neck.

"Indeed. I feel like we can finally communicate." She reached back to touch Thor's face. "I may be coming around to this type of ceremony," she purred. These couplings were nothing like Odin and Frigga. The connections had been forged in fire and pain, and had grown stronger because of it, rather than fragmenting.

"Are you now, Queen of Asgard and Jotunheim?" The room was gone. Loki was his entire universe. Queen and King, as much a ruler as himself. 

"I am." She spared a little sigh for Jotunheim.  It had never gotten a fair shake, in any of the multiverses, it seemed. She had tried to stretch reality to recover it, but the fabric would always tear.

"Whatever you desire, you shall have it."

"Then let us be wed, in front of Asgard and the heroes."

"As you command, my queen."

"I like the sound of that." She grinned at her King with all of her teeth showing.

 

* * *

 

 

The fabric of the universe  was not worn by Loki as a cloak; that would be frivolous, shading to gauche - and moreover, awkward to accessorize. Still, it lingered on her skin, twisting around her limbs and caressing the edges of the reality around her. Even as they left the room, it swirled and danced, patching micro-tears and shifting atoms just-so. If you half-closed your eyes, you could see it shimmer, like stars adorning her skin. 

The night was cool and brisk, and in the moonlight, she was herself again to Thor’s eyes; a running stag. A blue-white, frightened boy. The Monster of New York. His brother. His savior, spitting in the face of Thanos. His bride. 

A murder of crows perched in an orderly row on the outer wall, watching them kiss with great interest.


End file.
